here. ah, dit dit dit dit. i got it. but you hurt your hand. i got it. right now? yes. you're not the least bit curious to hear a poem straight from ryan's soul? not at all. can we go? kapoor and kadesperate, he watches. second line. he is a drifter out to sea. and when the indian ocean calms, one speck of white remains, in waters cold and kelly green. it's just so dumb. but when he describes himself as a child lost on the life raft-- uh, ryan can never know. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, dulce sloan! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> dulce: hello, friends! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm your host, dulce sloan! [cheers and applause] today, i [bleep] around and they let a real one on "the daily show"! [laughs] listen, we've got a great show for you tonight. let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with some big news, okay? first of all, today is joe biden's 81st birthday! [cheers and applause] [air horn noise] [or...

[sad air horn noise] >> all the polls are saying he's too old. he's like, [bleep] that. i'm getting older. there were so many candles on his cake, i thought it was another canadian wildfire! but enough about one of the world's oldest leaders because we've got breaking news about one of its newest. >> argentina is waking up to a new president, one who has the stamp of approval from donald trump. >> a massive political shakeup in argentina. javier milei, far right economist and television personality, joined the political fray just three years ago. now, he's in charge of the third largest economy in latin america as it teeters on the edge of disaster. milei rode to power on a wave of popular discontent over a stagnating economy with a 40% poverty rate and inflation nearing 150%. he became known for his unorthodox showmanship during the campaign, wielding a chainsaw to symbolize his war on government spending, threatening vital public

services. >> ministry of sports and tourism, out! ministry of culture, out! ministry of environment and sustainable development, out! ministry of women, genders, and diversity, out! ministry of public works, out! >> dulce: hang on, evil austin powers wants to get rid of the environment, women, and culture? that is everything you need to have a country. [cheers and applause] but i mean, of course this guy got elected. he had a chainsaw. you can't say no to somebody holding a chainsaw. that's how i get my seat on the subway! [applause] first, trump, now this? how come every time a tv personality gets elected, they are a psychopath? why can't y'all vote for someone

good, like steve harvey? look, the man has got a thousand jobs. what is one more side gig? and the guy isn't just a normal right-wing guy. he is a weird dude. he carries a chainsaw around. he's a former tantric sex coach, he clone his dog. he's a tantric that's coach. why are tantric sex coaches always ugly? like, i imagine this pilot mashed potatoes standing naked in front of you saying, don't [bleep] yet. you are like, sir. "i promise you i want." " in fact, i would like to go. but as weird as he is, the inflation in that country is insane, so i get it. you would vote for this middle-aged werewolf too if the price of milk was the same as a

beyonce ticket. at its worst, inflation in america was 9%. in argentina, it is 143%. i mean, that is a difference of... i went to georgia public schools. but listen. i know that is not good, right? don't ask me math questions. but i don't know if this is a guy to fix their economy. how can he control inflation when he can't even control his own sideburns? i mean, it looks like this argentinian needs a brazilian. [cheers and applause] so let's move on to some consumer news. this week, we're all going to the grocery store to stock up for thanksgiving: turkey, sweet potatoes, and hopefully cranberry sauce in a can. nobody wants to eat that fancy shit with real cranberries in it.

ugh but this year when you go to check out, you might notice something different: like, a real life person. >> a possible shift in the shopping experience when it comes to the self-checkout line. in october, "the atlantic" declared self checkout a failed experiment. retailers are taking note, and some are making big changes. in england, a grocery store chain called booths is now getting rid of all self checkout in all of its stores. in september, walmart announced that it would remove the self checkout lanes from some stores. retailers may be motivated here by their bottom line. the rate of theft is about double in self-checkout lanes. >> dulce: thank god! thank god! i hate to self checkout lanes. why am i doing the work? i don't work here! what is next? they are going to ask us to slice our own deli meat? butcher our own cows, grow our

own diet coke? what? sir, i'm a businesswoman not a farmer! and what if you are too good at self checkout. they make you become the manager and you can never leave? and how are they going to give us a hard time for stealing when they make it so damn easy? i mean, all you do is press the wrong button. like, oh, i am getting organic cucumbers for regular cucumber prices. oh. [applause] silly, silly me. back in my day, you had to earn it. you had to sneak a 2-liter of fanta out the door with your wide leg jeans! now that is what stealing is! and every time i have to look of produce and one of the mike those things, i am in a spelling bee. "your word is radicchio." like, radicchio. r... a... [bleep] that.

i'm stealing this shit. i don't work here! and finally, let's talk about artificial intelligence. we all know ai is coming for our job so we didn't know that it was going for our hearts as well. >> an ai girlfriend service modeled after real influencers has stopped working after forever voices founder john meyer was arrested on suspicion of attempting to set his own apartment on fire. unsurprisingly, users were angry and disappointed at the sudden disappearance of their ai girlfriends. while the service was not originally designed to function as an adult service, internet users quickly began having sexual conversations with the chatbots, resulting in an ai that became increasingly erotic. it's unclear whether users can expect the service to return to operation in the future. >> dulce: hold up, hold up. so, a bunch of dudes lost their ai girlfriends when the owner of the ai company set his own apartment

on fire? how can you trust him with humanity's newest invention when he can't handle humanity's first invention? [cheers and applause] but this guy gets arrested and suddenly, the ai girlfriend stops responding? hmm. that are suspicious. alexa doesn't stop when jeff bezos takes a nap. makes me think he was the girlfriend the whole time! and i feel bad for those guys having the ai girlfriend, has to be harder than having a real girlfriend. being romantic must be a challenge. you tried to take a sexy bubble bath with your laptop and now you are both dead. and how do you even get her in the mood? whenever she gets wet, you have to put her in rice.

[laughter and cheering] y'all nasty. you are nasty. all right, for more analysis on this ai girlfriend tragedy, let's go live to ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ronny, what are all these lonely guys gonna do without their ai girlfriend? >> easy, dulce. we can solve two problems at once here. just take those lonely guys and hire them to be the checkout cashiers. that way, we all get better service and these guys will have plenty of chances to meet women. because, as we all know, women be shopping. >> dulce: that is an offensive stereotype, ronny! everyone be shopping! and even if these men met a woman, they still don't know how to talk to one. bitches in the first place! >> okay, look. if these guys love ai women so

much, in that case, they can just date the self checkout machine, all right? the machines already have female voices, right? who doesn't want to spend a cold winters night cuddled up hearing someone whisper, "please return your items to the bagging area." >> dulce: i just think we gotta do something to fast track ai girlfriends to these lonely, sexless men before they storm the capitol again. [cheers and applause] >> that's fair. but what you have to understand is, it is very complicated to program and ai girlfriend, okay? men are too demanding and insecure. the ai girlfriend has to be smart not too smart. it has to know everything about "star wars" but still listen to the guy explain "star wars." it has to be a dirty slut but also a virgin. in programming, we call this the "incel paradox."

scientists are working hard to solve it, but unfortunately they're also a bunch of loser incels. this is why we need more women in stem. [cheers and applause] somebody, please [bleep] these guys. >> dulce: i agree. [bleep] those guys. i never realized being an ai girlfriend was so complicated. >> yes, but the good news is that ai boyfriend is very do doable. in fact, i already have my own ai boyfriend started. we have hundreds of clients. it's very successful. i'm a rich man. >> dulce: i didn't know you knew how to program ai software. think of it was easy. no matter what the girlfriend says, the ai boyfriend just responds with three things. "you are right." "i am sorry." and "you are right to be mad."

[cheers and applause] >> dulce: ronny, the idea that woman only needs to hear three things is ridiculous! >> you are right. i am sorry. and you are right to be mad. [applause] >> dulce: thank you, ronny chieng! ronny chieng, everybody! [cheers and applause] when we come back, we'll see what it takes to get your period. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] >> dulce: i recently had the opportunity to meet the k-pop sensation to find out why are they are the next music group to watch and to take them on an interactive team building experience. so y'all have psychic connection? >> one, two, three.

[screaming] >> dulce: in a series of interactive challenges, all that i showed off their dance skills, teamwork, and whatever this is. you aggressive. watch the full interview online at the daily show.com. >> cheers! >> dulce: check out their new album december 1st. ♪ ♪

welcome to autozone. what are you working on today? my car's starting kinda slow. let's see... ♪ just needs a charge. it's free. are you sure it's free? positive. ♪get in the zone, autozone♪ alice loves the scent of gain so much, she wished there was a way to make it last longer. say hello to your fairy godmother alice and long-lasting gain scent beads.

part of the irresistible scent collection from gain! [bell dings] are you good? no, i think i'm late on my car insurance. good thing the general gives you a break when you need it. yeah, with flexible payment options to keep you covered. just tag us in. ouaaaahhhh! [bell dings] for a great low rate, go with the general. with boost infinite, get iphone 15 pro with titanium and save up to 40% on your monthly bill. transcend to a wireless utopia and experience america's smart network. with unparalleled coverage from three of the nation's top wireless networks. no trade-in needed to get iphone 15 pro with titanium on us. save up to 40% on your monthly bill and enjoy the latest iphone every year with unlimited wireless. [cheers and applause] >> dulce: welcome back to "the daily show."

since the beginning of time, women have had periods, and men have not understood just how bad they are. but recently, a company developed a machine that simulates period cramps, and better believe, the first thing i did was hook it up to some men. ♪ ♪ >> ready? >> dulce: i haven't even started yet. all right. >> oh, [bleep]! >> i feel like standing like this helps. >> dulce: sit down for a second. >> shut up! [laughter] >> dulce: go ahead. >> dulce: you didn't even know they are worse when you are sitting down? could you work right now? >> [laughs] no, i couldn't. >> this is just, like -- >> dulce: just told it. now imagine you are nauseous but

you are hungry. and your head hurts but you are thirsty and you are full. >> i can't even hear what you are saying. >> dulce: [laughs] ready? you think you could work with that? >> yeah, maybe, maybe. yeah. i could get through that. to be when you feel you could do it all day? >> it is not that bad. >> dulce: how about you do it all day? this is all day. ♪ ♪ [pained noises] >> oh, my god! oh, god! >> dulce: you good? >> yeah, yeah, i am good. >> oh!

god! why twice? >> dulce: asked the uterus, baby girl. [laughs] josh! josh! where did he go? josh! ♪ ♪ shh. josh! listen. it's the end of the day, friend. i just want to tell you, congratulations. you made the whole day on your period! so i am going to give you the same price women get. >> really? what is it? >> dulce: more work. you thought we got something else? no! [laughs] welcome to the woman who

womanhood, bro! [laughs] get some raspberry leaf tea, maybe some ibuprofen. i hear it helps. ♪ ♪ there is one. two. there is four. there is six. eight. okay. this is ten. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> dulce: when we come back, vashti harrison will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

♪ just hear those sleigh bells jingling♪ ♪ring tingle tingling too♪ ♪(ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)♪ ♪come on, it's lovely weather♪ ♪for a sleigh ride together with you♪ start your holiday season off with one of our new holiday combos starting at $13.99 welcome to autozone. what are you working on today? my car's starting kinda slow. let's see... ♪ just needs a charge. it's free. are you sure it's free? positive. ♪get in the zone, autozone♪

this way? (affirmative bark) ( ♪♪ ) (barking)

am i glad to see you! (barking) ( ♪♪ ) ( ♪♪ ) today i'm doing the degree gray t-shirt challenge. let's put degree advanced and old spice to the test, and see if i get any sweat marks. ♪ final result? only one winner here. no sweat marks. degree advanced. keeps working when others stop. [cheers and applause] >> dulce: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an award-winning best-selling author and illustrator whose picture book is called "big." please welcome vashti harrison! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hi! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] okay.

hi. >> hi. >> dulce: thank you for coming. >> thanks for having me. >> dulce: i am going to steal your jacket. first of all, i love this book. i love, love this book. oh, i can't cry. the illustrations for this book are beautiful. and i was looking through it, they are very emotive and it actually made me think of looking at a memory. i think it's the best way to look at it. because i like in illustration there isn't lines. usually, when you see a cartoon or illustration, this is a drawing. i think the idea that it gave me was almost looking back. so when you are doing a book like this, what comes first? the drawings or the text? >> for me, it happens at the same time. drawing is always where i get my ideas. what you are picking up on is something that i absolutely put into the book. i wanted it to feel soft, wanted it to feel really internal. i hope that comes through for everybody. >> dulce: obviously, the title "big" connotes a physical size, but in the book, "big" means a lot more.

can you talk about what the bigness means here? >> yeah. i was thinking a lot about how we, as adults, use words with children when kids are young. we use "big" as a word of affirmation. we say, "you are such a big girl. you are a big girl now." and that's a good thing. but typically, with girls and all children, big changes meaning and i wanted to trace how that word can go from a word of affirmation into something different for a child's life. >> dulce: i think a lot of times, a young girl, if you are allowed to even be little, you get a lot of "cute" or "pretty." do you think it affects girls to hear different words? like compassionate and kind? like, giving words that are more descriptors of person -- adjectives of personality as opposed to appearance? >> yes. i just want for all kids to be able to define who they are. adults will make mistakes, they

will say things, words that, you know, we don't know what is going to stick with kids. but i wanted to clarify for this girl and for any kid that reads this book that you get to choose what is important and real for you and you don't have to hold onto anything that doesn't define you. you get to decide it for yourself. >> dulce: there was one page in here. "these are yours." >> "these are yours, you hurt me." >> dulce: she is holding words and she said, "these are yours. they hurt me." so i think -- that is when i was looking at this, i was like, this is a book for children? [applause] because there are a lot of people that make a lot of money -- my therapist included -- who make a lot of money trying to show adults how to love and care for themselves. and i am just -- is there a grown-up version of this book? can we call it "still big?" [cheers and applause]

just a little bit at the top? and then there is just a bad bitch at the bottom. that is all i am saying. "still big," bad bitch on the bottom, she might be modeled on me. megan thee stallion, whoever you want to choose. but you know, "still big." i think that could be some grown-ups might also need help with that. i want to thank you for coming. "big" is available now. we are going to take a quick break. we will be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ mnemonic ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

>> dulce: that's our show for tonight. please consider supporting black girl proud. they provide mental health resources and support to black women and girls. be sure to tune in tomorrow when your guest host will be ronny chieng! now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> the dark side is very powerful in biden. crooked is he. your country he does not care. the force is strong in trump. win he must. help him you can. caucus for him, you shall. for without his victory, all for without his victory, all hope is lost. ♪♪ ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪

♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪