is that i miss having fun with you. just you, not everyone in the circle. okay, i am gonna go walk in the water now. yeah, it's a good day. pam, that was amazing. but i am still looking for someone with a sales background. ♪ flintstones meet the flintstones ♪ my name is andrew bernard. i was with a group called dunder-mifflin. hello? ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta!

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. julian assange is a free man, alex jones is a broke man, and the surgeon general is warning america that gun violence is... bad. who knew! so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with some big international news about a whistleblower. no, not the boeing ones. they've all suddenly died under completely normal circumstances. i'm talking about one who got some good news. >> this morning, julian assange, who founded wikileaks and rocked governments around the world with it, is set to plead guilty in u.s. federal court to a single felony charge in exchange

for his freedom. ending the years-long legal saga around his explosive publication of u.s. state secrets. assange, celebrated by some as a hero, reviled by others as a reckless vandal, published state secrets of country after country, none more damaging than the vast trove of u.s. classified documents wikileaks posted online starting in 2010 at the height of u.s. wars in iraq and afghanistan. >> michael: that's right, wikileaks founder and man who looks like he feeds james bond to sharks, julian assange, is out of prison. and like many of you, when i first heard the news, i thought... which one is he again? because i thought he was edward snowden, and then someone said, "no, edward snowden is edward snowden, that's why they call him that," and that made sense. julian assange is the one who spent a decade on the run for revealing war crimes committed by america in iraq, even though the people who did those crimes weren't punished. it's all thanks to an obscure

military doctrine known as "snitches get stitches." and let's be honest, a lot of the stuff he leaked, we already knew. america was doing bad shit in iraq. the dnc was in cahoots with hillary's campaign. it's like how you kind of already knew that your wife was banging her tennis instructor, but it's nice to have it confirmed. by the way, in that example, i'm the tennis instructor. now, some people think assange is a villain for revealing state secrets, while others argue that the states shouldn't have those secrets in the first place. what irks me about assange is that he didn't reveal any of the secrets i wanted to know. he's going to dump literally millions of documents and not a single one was about aliens, or who killed jfk, or why they never made a "forrest gump" sequel? i don't want ten "fast and furious" sequels, i want to see forest gump accidentally invent the macarena! but let's move on from a character that some love and

some hate, to a character who's much easier to judge, alex jones. it's been a year and a half since the boner pillsbury doughboy was ordered to pay $1.5 billion to the sandy hook families, and now the repo man is pulling up at the door. >> conspiracy theorist alex jones is losing his media empire. court appointed trustee has laid out plans for shutting down jones's infowars. the money will go towards the $1.5 billion jones has been ordered to pay families of the sandy hook shooting victims. he pushed the claim that the 2012 massacre wasn't real. the plan calls for winding down operations and then liquidating inventory. >> michael: oh, no! infowars is dead. but now how will i know which vaccines turn me gay? the good news here is that this shows that if you maliciously lie to the american people, you

will be held accountable... like, 0.3% of the time. the rest of the time, you'll be elected president. but politics aside, i think we can all agree it's a great day in america whenever a podcast ends. so it's been a rough final week for jones, but he spent it doing what he loves. >> jones spouted lies even as he drove to the hearing in houston. >> it is all a brazen power grab. >> leading up to the hearing, he had been vacillating between tears, more lies. >> that was the fbi and the justice department behind all these fake lawsuits against me to get me off the air. >> and naked opportunism, peddling supposed dietary supplements until the last moment. >> if you order any products at infowarsstore.com, you will get them before infowars is shut down. >> michael: [laughs] it's crazy that his listeners think the vaccine is going to kill them, but then they spend hundreds of dollars on off label weight-loss supplements. "i don't want anything weird in

my body. that's why i take betelpolyetrozol-15g and tiger gut." by the way, if you're sad you can no longer buy pills from the infowars store, please consider purchasing michael kosta's pills for a stronger brain, or whatever. just give me your money, you stupid piece of shit. [laughter and applause] thank you. everyone loves the camera turn. let's move on to some public health news. a lot of people don't know this, but getting shot is not good for your health. luckily, america's top doctor is here to let you know. >> new this morning, a first of its kind advisory from the surgeon general's office declaring firearm violence an urgent public health crisis. the new advisory spells out just how pervasive firearm violence is and calls for the quote, "collective commitment of the nation to stop it." >> michael: yeah, that should do

it! i thought the surgeon general's warnings were supposed to be for things you can avoid. you can choose not to smoke cigarettes, but no one's seeing this news like, "i was going to try to get shot this weekend, but now i'll change my plans." sorry if i'm a bit skeptical, i know this guy is just trying to help. it's just that in the last year, the surgeon general has already declared social media and loneliness as public health problems, and i'm like, hey, man, we know. the surgeon general never tells us anything we don't already know. like, if he came out like, "just so you know, peanut butter stays inside you forever," that's something that's helpful and now i can take action. and that's another thing: why are we trusting a guy who calls himself the surgeon general? that sounds like a profession my four-year-old daughter makes up. "yeah, i want to be either a surgeon general or a ballerina dentist."

you're just mashing two real jobs together, dummy! if we're going to have a u.s. surgeon general -- yeah, my daughter is a dummy sometimes. if we're going to have a u.s. surgeon general, he needs to at least do one of them, right? either he is in charge of the president's surgeries or we need to give him an army. then at least when you sign into social media, he can drone your house. social media addiction solved! finally, let's talk about the moon. we see it in the sky every night, but did you know the moon is also in other countries? well, it is, and now some of them are taking notice. >> china is now the first country to ever bring back samples from the far side of the moon. its lunar probe just completed its historic mission retrieving samples of dust and rock from the side of the moon facing away from the earth. >> chinese scientists anticipate the returned samples will include volcanic rock that's over 2 million years old. a major difference to samples

collected by astronauts during the apollo missions. >> michael: holy shit, china's the first one to visit the far side of the moon, which, if you don't know, is the part of the moon the earth never sees. cause the moon is spinning while the earth is turning, like my head is china... you guys get it? anyway, china did it, so now there are three different flags planted on the moon. the chinese flag, the united states' flag, and that flag from sam alito's wife. the woman loves flags! for more on china's landing on the moon, we go live to cape canaveral with josh johnson. [cheers and applause] josh, this is a huge scientific achievement. china is the first country to reach the far side of the moon. what does this mean? >> i'll tell you what it means, michael. it means america's gotta get back to the moon right now.

someone call neil armstrong! or lance armstrong! or lance bass! one of them! >> michael: why? why do we have to get back to the moon? >> 'cause the moon is the only thing america has left! we don't have the best cars anymore, we don't have the best democracy anymore. even the best basketball players are from, like, slovak-astan. all we have left is the moon, and now china's taking that from us, too? no, as a matter of national pride, we're going back. >> michael: so we're going to build a whole new moon program? that's going to be expensive as hell! >> oh, yeah, it's going to bankrupt us. we got to cancel medicare and education immediately. sorry, kids, you can't read good no more, but you can take pride in knowing america is the best at moon. >> michael: so we're going to blow up our budget just to show china we can also collect moon dirt? >> no, man, come on. we're not going up there to do that nerd shit. we're going up there to knock their flag down.

>> michael: what? [cheers and applause] josh, you're going to start a war! >> no, no, no, no. kosta, chill. what's going to start the war is when our astronauts knock it down with their dicks. bap bap! bap bap! down! >> michael: this is a terrible idea. for starters, taking your dick out on the moon is going to make it explode. >> i know. but it's the only way to show china we're still the big dawgs! >> michael: but josh, we've already been to the moon. we're focused on mars now. >> not anymore. the moon is our girl. we've been together since the '60s. mars was just a side piece and now china is trying to take our girl behind our back and in our face. we can't let that happen. and that's why i'm here at the launching pad.

>> michael: what? >> i'm going to go win the moon back. >> michael: josh, no, don't go to the moon! you're not qualified to go up there! josh, come back! josh! josh! >> listen, moon. ♪ ♪ we've both made some mistakes. we fooled around with mars and you let someone else get your rocks off. but we're together now, baby, and america's never going to leave you again. now let me get up in them craters. >> michael: josh, wait, don't take your dick out! josh! [explosion] >> [screaming] >> michael: i think his dick exploded! i tried to warn him. josh johnson, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, lewis black will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause] josh!

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[cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." when a news story falls through the cracks, lewis black catches it, for a segment we call "back in black." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> ah, summer. when my balls glue themselves to

my thigh and don't let go until labor day. and if you're a kid, it means going to camp. summer camp used to be about playing sports, making friends, and if you're lucky, finding a dead body. but for parents who think it's time for their five-year-old to start focusing on a career, there are new camps just for them. like this one. >> chick-fil-a is getting some backlash over its new summer camp coming to louisiana at the end of july. kids will learn skills such as taking guest orders and bagging food. >> the franchises that are doing it only charge $35, ages five to 12, and kids learn the chicken sandwich business! >> wow! did you hear that? chick-fil-a has a summer camp! kill me now! kids are finally getting to learn the chicken sandwich business! nothing says summer fun like third degree grease burns.

and the best part about chick-fil-a camp is, it only costs $35. what a bargain! for $35, you can't even find a babysitter on the terror watch list. even khalid sheik mohammed was $40 an hour, and he didn't even change diapers. but if that's still too steep a price tag, you can always bring them for free to the company who's basically raising them anyway: apple. >> for over 20 years now, apple stores have hosted apple camp. this is where kids and their parents can get creative on the latest apple devices. >> this year's session focuses on using the ipad to create an interactive storybook. >> they're creating animations. they're adding a.r. shapes, 3d shapes, taking a.r. photos, where they place the 3d shapes in the world around them.

>> oh, thank god! just what our children need, more screen time. i hope they'll use these ipads on planes at full volume while i contemplate getting a second vasectomy. better safe than sorry. i will say, these apple camps seem way nicer than the ones in china. i mean, for starters, the kids get to leave. oh, stop it. seriously. wake up. how do you -- unbelievable. but maybe i'm judging too quickly. who knows, these camps could be fostering the storytellers of tomorrow. >> it's basically a doughnut that plays baseball, but the ball always goes through his hole. so this friend helps him put, like, a net in the hole part so the ball doesn't go through it. >> this girl could write the

next great animated film! but if you dare touch the opening weekend of "inside out 3," i'll sue the shit out of you. follow your dreams, but stay away from daddy's gravy train. but if the fry-o-later and adhd don't do it for your child, there are some camps that teach actual skills. >> wichita fire department gave young people the opportunity to experience what it's like to be a firefighter. it's hosting a kids summer camp and the fun kicked off yesterday. this year's summer camp introduces them to the roles and responsibilities of the fire department with up close and hands on experience. campers ages 8 to 13 will get a view of firefighting tasks like pulling hose, spraying water, forcible entry, and rescue. >> first of all, i don't think you need a camp to teach teen boys how to pull hose.

they tend to figure it out on their own. [applause] by the way, a belated thank you firefighter camp is just like police camp but with more cardio and less framing people for murder. i admire these kids, but they better not show up when i burn down my panama city condo for the insurance money. stay away from daddy's other gravy train, you little life-saving shits. but if firefighting camp sounds like too much fun, don't worry, you've still got options! >> at this summer camp... >> you should be able hearing lung sounds. >> middle schoolers take care of baby tory, a $75,000 high fidelity simulator. and there's also... >> so pick your poison, do you want to dress a wound or build a body? >> baycare's diane rauch camp nurse junior at dunedin sally l. bailey nursing

education center is not your typical teenage summer fun. here, they're learning about patient care, broken bones, and cpr, and more. for camille and eli and dozens of others, this might be their future. >> what the [bleep] is that? [cheers and applause] is that supposed to be a baby? it looks like someone knocked up m3gan. somebody send that thing to the supreme court and we'll have abortion back in no time! [cheers and applause] but of course, there's also one very affordable summer program that parents are forgetting about: ignoring your kids and letting them [bleep] off for three months. you know, watch tv, kick rocks, and maybe even pull some hose.

[laughter and applause] that's how i spent my summers as a kid, and look how i turned out! [laughs] back to you, michael. [cheers and applause] >> michael: thanks for that, lewis. lewis black, everyone! when we come back, peter goodman will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] see that beer cap? it's the luckiest piece of metal in the world. it could've been a screw on a patio chair. or, a bent staple, that just won't staple. but here it is, chairing the welcome committee for an authentic, mexican dos equis.

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when anyone in this house wears white, it doesn't stay white for long. white? to soccer? i'm not gonna slide tackle. but now with tide oxi white, we can clean our white clothes without using bleach even works on colors. i slide tackled. i see that. it's got to be tide. with so many choices on booking.com there are so many tina feys i could be. so i hired body doubles. 30,000 followers tina in a boutique hotel. or 30,000 steps tina in a mountain cabin. ooh! booking.com booking.yeah [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a global economics correspondent for "the new york times" and author of the new book, "how the world ran out of everything: inside the global supply chain." please welcome peter goodman! ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] yes! all right. so "how the world ran out of everything." during covid, we ran out of toilet paper. >> sure did. >> michael: baby formula, computer chips. we had cars that were ready to run but no computer chips. what the [bleep] happened? and did we fix it? >> we have not fixed it. i'm sorry to say, the vulnerabilities are still there. what happened was a reveal of something that had been there for decades. we are dependent upon this really improvised, ad hoc, rickety supply chain that is really a bunch of supply chains. we have been devoted to this reckless, ruthless form of the regulation. and during the pandemic, just as we were in our darkest hour of need, it buckled. yeah, we ran out of a lot of stuff.

>> michael: when i was reading your book, i kept asking myself the same question which is, why don't we just make this shit here? >> yeah. >> michael: why aren't we making all of the shit here? [cheers and applause] you answer that, but explain it to me again. >> we could make more things here. and there is a movement to make more things here and that is helpful. it's in the margins. but we are not going back to self-sufficiency. if there was no trade, you and me wouldn't be having this conversation. we would be out trying to feed our families with bark or whatever. i am not that good at growing food, i'm sure you're not either. so here we are. we are dependent -- >> michael: speak for yourself, peter. i did lose a tomato in the wind last night on my rooftop garden. >> good luck with that. so i don't want to try to feed my family through my own labor, so we have trade. and we have a lot of jobs in this country that are dependent upon a global supply chain. and it's been a consumer bonanza.

we've just done a very poor job cushioning the people who have lost jobs. we don't need to throw out globalization. we need to reconfigure it. we need sensible regulations. we need working people to get more of a piece of the action so we have a more reliable supply chain. >> michael: do we need to buy less dumb shit? i know that is not the most intellectual question. do we need to buy less dumb shit? >> it's a legitimate question. we could do while thinking more carefully about what we buy. but let's face it. we are going to keep making stuff, we are going to keep consuming stuff. the question is, are we going to have a more resilient supply chain or one that is optimized for basically big-box retailers and investors? because that is what we have had now for decades. >> michael: what can i do? what do you do? any habits of yours that have changed since researching and writing this? >> i try to give my business to people who are actually in control of their businesses. if you are mostly transacting with big companies that are answerable to wall street, then you are ultimately transacting

with entities that are thinking about shareholder interests above all. they can't afford to be kind to their workers necessarily because their competitors aren't. they can't afford to think about keeping production local. they can't think about the highest quality ingredients and they can't think beyond the next quarter. so certainly, local, small production. but again, consumers are not going to save us from the vulnerabilities of the global supply chain. it is going to take regulation. it's going to take labor mobilization. >> michael: it helps to know that my $14 strawberries at the farmers' market is probably going to better use than the $9 strawberries at amazon. >> you need to shop somewhere else. >> michael: exactly. these are the celebrity prices that i get. look, "how the world ran out of everything" is available now. peter goodman, everybody. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. thank you. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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about on this particular day is really when i get nervous. >> how about for the debate? because if that happens on thursday, you know, you won't have anything to worry about. >> thought that was a personal question. >> it's all good. he will take that off-line. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪where ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ion ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪t ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪mumbling - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ark ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪♪

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