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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  August 2, 2024 1:25am-2:00am PDT

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e need it. it's easy for us to think we can just use up all the internet we want, but if we don't treat the internet with the respect... [feedback whines] that it deserves, it could one day be gone forever. so let us learn to live with the internet, not for it. no more browsing for no apparent reason. no more mindlessly surfing on our laptops while watching television. and finally, we must learn to only use the internet for porn twice a day...max. [cheers and applause] captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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>> ronny: hey! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got a great show for you tonight. kamala harris is speed dating vps, j.d. vance might get to sleep on the couch, and donald trump said something a bit racist! can you believe it? now let's find out in our ongoing coverage of "indecision 2024! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] now look, when this election started, i thought it would be mostly about abortion or maybe immigration. but things took a weird turn this week and now it seems like the most dominant issue is indians? as we all know, vice president kamala harris is of indian and jamaican descent. and who better to understand the nuance of being mixed race than this guy? >> former president donald trump now facing backlash after
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questioning vice president kamala harris' racial identity during the national association of black journalists' annual convention. >> she was indian all the way and then all of a sudden, she made a turn and she went she became a black person. >> after the event, the former president posted a video on his social media where harris called herself indian in a cooking video with comedian mindy kaling. >> okay, so what we're going to cook today -- >> okay. >> is an indian recipe. >> yes. >> because -- >> yes. >> you are indian. >> yes. yes. >> but actually, we're both south indian. >> yes. you look like the entire one half of my family. >> ronny: damn, i forgot how weird "the office" got after michael scott left. so trump posted this video. but i'm like, how did he even find this? was he doing deep oppo research on mindy kaling's instagram page? how far down the mindy rabbit hole did he go? is he's going to come out next week like, "kamala harris is not black... and mindy and b.j. novak belong
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together. do the right thing, b.j. make an honest indian out of her." and also, this doesn't even prove his point! he's saying that kamala identified as indian and not black, and this is a video of her saying, "i am half indian." what does trump think the other half is, woman? "she's half indian, and half woman." that's one thing. how does this guy not understand what half means? he constantly tells us he's a genius, but he can't comprehend a goldendoodle? also, by the way, trump doesn't get to decide how black a black person is. only kendrick lamar can do that. so kendrick, weigh in here. meanwhile, the trump campaign has indian problems of its own. j.d. vance has been getting attacked by white supremacists because his wife is indian. and if you're thinking, "wow, if someone insulted my wife, i'd go apeshit on them," then you are not j.d. vance. >> look, i love my wife so much. i love her because she's who she is. obviously, she's not a
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white person, and we've been accused -- attacked -- by some white supremacists over that, but i just -- i love usha. she's such a good mom. >> ronny: yeah, wow. way to casually defend your wife against white supremacists, j.d.! i'm not a romance expert, but i don't think anyone wants to hear: "she's not white, but i love her!" that's not a message you're going to see on those valentine's day candies. i hope those weren't his wedding vows. "look, obviously you're not white, but, i do." enough about indians. let's move on. because while j.d. vance is doing j.d. vance stuff, kamala still needs to announce her running mate. >> we now know we are just days away from finding out who kamala harris's running mate will be. >> harris now moving at warp speed. her campaign just over a week old, but she's already expected to announce her running mate in the coming days. the two will then hit the road together, visiting several key battleground states, starting with a rally in philadelphia on
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tuesday. >> madam vice president, have you chosen your vp yet? have you chosen yet? >> not yet. >> ronny: wow, what a change! the democratic nominee for president walked up a flight of stairs, while talking, with a head turn. she turned her head while walking. [applause] and none of us were covering our eyes and clenching our assholes. compared to biden, she's like simone biles up there. kamala is expected to pick a running mate any day now. and according to reports, it's come down to about five finalists who all bring different strengths to the table. you've got pete buttigieg, the only man in america who goes viral on fox news for non-racist reasons. there's also andy beshear. he's the popular governor of kentucky, and the first person with his accent to ever say the phrase "trans rights." you've also got minnesota governor tim walz. he's actually the one who started calling donald trump "weird." which, again, i just don't see
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it. >> the late great hannibal lecter. he's a wonderful man. >> ronny: totally normal here. another top candidate is mark kelly, aka senator clean. this guy is a fighter pilot turned astronaut, which is extremely badass. i mean, how would trump even attack this guy? "look at this "top gun" loser who... went to space... aw, shit." this guy would be so good against vance at the vp debates. he'd be like, "oh, you wrote a memoir about your hillbilly family? that's cool. i jacked off in space. checkmate." plus, he's got an identical twin brother who's also an astronaut! like, how cool is that? this is just like the kelce brothers, if they stayed in school. i mean, just think of all the crazy pranks they could pull! they could switch places, and now the other twin is the one
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doing absolutely nothing as vp. but as of today, it looks like the frontrunner is pennsylvania's josh shapiro. he's popular, he's the governor of a pivotal swing state, and i know i'm a foreigner who can't understand english, but listen to this guy. because, i mean, is he doing an obama? >> you could not have a clearer contrast in this race. you could not have a clearer contrast between kamala harris and donald trump. and let me tell you something. he's pretty afraid. y'all see, he's backing out of the debate? now he's afraid to stand toe to toe with our vice president. it's 'cause -- [whispers] he can't run away from his record any longer. >> ronny: okay, that's not just me, right? we all hear that. i was almost expecting him to be like, "and that's why you should vote for me, josh hussein shapiro." it's like he's hyping himself up
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for politics by listening to obama's old speeches, and the cadence is getting stuck in his head. i bet if i put a photo of obama up on the screen, you would have no idea it was a josh shapiro speech. >> he knows what he is doing, he's got no guardrails around him anymore, and he's told us what he wants to do. what did maya angelou say? when someone tells you who they are, believe them. >> ronny: i mean, even the maya angelou reference. laying it on a little thick. i wouldn't be surprised if obama asks him for his birth certificate. like, "are you me?" at this point, it could be smart for harris to pick him. i mean, she could be like, "hey, trump, you think i'm pretending to be black? well, check out my vp!" [applause] anyway, soon, we'll know which one of these guys it is. and there were some other names
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thrown around, like gretchen whitmer or wes moore or gina raimondo, but there's something about them that the news media doesn't think works. >> it sure would help if there was a reassuring white guy who looked like all of our, most of our, past presidents to help her out. >> she needs a southern white male to balance out the ticket. >> she's going to need a white male. and if you can get one from a swing state, i think it's really important. >> i do wonder if it is inevitable that this is a white man summer, as far as it concerns kamala harris's running mate. >> ronny: i mean, that is so blunt. at least be subtle about it: if kamala wants to win, she needs somebody who wears cargo shorts, and can play "wonderwall" on guitar... white guys. for more analysis on the importance of a balanced ticket, let's go live to the harris campaign headquarters with desi lydic. [cheers and applause]
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desi. desi, does it have to be a white guy? why can't there be two women on the ticket? >> whoa, whoa, whoa, ronny, an all-female ticket? america couldn't even handle an all-female "ghostbusters." no, this is not the time to push voters too far. just pick a white guy. you can still have diversity! you've got the backwoods white, the space white, the eggshell white, the medium beige white. it's a whole paint swatch book if you were painting your kitchen "caucasian." >> ronny: desi, i don't think you're giving people enough credit. america elected obama twice. hillary won the popular vote. i think america can handle two women on a ticket. >> oh, ronny, you sweet, optimistic guy-who-can't-vote-here. look, i would love to have an all-woman ticket, but people would lose their minds. "what if they sync up their periods with every woman in the country? every month will be like the purge!"
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>> ronny: okay, but doesn't this limit harris's options? >> perhaps, but a male vp benefits kamala, too. she'll need a white man by her side in the situation room. so that when she has an idea, he can repeat it louder, a minute later. [cheers and applause] that way, that the joint chiefs will actually hear it. >> ronny: that is a good point, desi. also, when she has an idea, he could repeat it louder, a minute later, so that the joint chiefs will actually hear it. [cheers and applause] >> great point, ronny. great point. this all comes down to a political science theory known as the law of presidential genitals. see, when it comes to a campaign ticket in america, you can have a v on the top, or you can have
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a v on the bottom, but you can't have two coming together. like this. see, you just can't. do you see what i'm doing, ronny? do you understand? this is graduate level stuff. >> ronny: yeah, i guess i do. i just don't get why americans have been okay to have, like, two ps on one ticket, huh? what about this? >> no, ronny, you got to stop doing that. that looks like two dicks! this is serious! >> ronny: i'm sorry, you're right. desi lydic, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, adam kinzinger will be joining us. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] popeyes is like, “we read your article". you really hate boneless wings, huh?”
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[cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a former gop lawmaker who is the advisory council co-chair of power the polls, a national, nonpartisan effort to recruit the next generation of poll workers to ensure safe and fair elections for all voters. please welcome representative adam kinzinger. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] congressman, congressman, thanks for being on the show. >> great to be here. thank you.
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>> ronny: now you stuck your neck out politically and personally to put politics over personal benefit, over party, some would say country over party, to speak out against trump despite being a congressman for the republicans. why the [bleep] did you do that? >> [laughs] i ask myself that every day. no, look, i really had no other option. so i wear on my wrist the name of a guy, andreas o'keefe, who i knew who was killed in iraq. i am an iraq veteran. i just remember thinking when i ran for congress the first time, if we are going to ask young people to be willing to die for our country, to be willing to fight and die the ultimate sacrifice, if i go into politics, i have to be willing to give my career for the same cause. it is such a minor sacrifice in comparison to what we ask people to do every day. >> ronny: sure, but what was your problem with trump? >> [laughs] well, i don't know. you know, the fascism, the overthrowing the government, you know, those kinds of things. >> ronny: i mean, you would think that is a pretty big issue, but i guess not big
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enough. in your opinion, how can americans come together and bridge this kind of gap? >> the solution is in all of us. i'm not trying to sound esoteric, but really, we control government. it is truly government for, of, and by the people. i truly believe that america can take our political system back. we have to believe we can and we have to say, enough of you abusing us for money, for follows, for likes. we demand mature, grown-up government. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: and you are here to talk about power the polls. can you tell us about that? >> one of the most important things in an election is just the ability to actually do that election. and you think about poll workers especially on election day. they are out there, grinding down, they are starting at 6:00, 7:00 in the morning, going until night, to make sure you can vote, to make sure the lines are moving, and they are done quickly. that is the bulwark of making sure that an election is free, fair, and accurate. so power the polls is about
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recruiting 1 million poll workers to work and defend -- the next generation of poll workers. in some states, you can be as young as 16 or 17 to work in the polls. it's a great way to serve in your community, to connect the community. so powerthepolls.org. it's a great time to sign up to do that. >> ronny: if you are feeling frustrated by the system, and you don't know where to start, this sounds like a way to kind of -- i just want to get involved, don't want to get bogged down in some weird culture war. i just want to help my country. >> you are going to be working with people that have different political views than you, all committed to democracy. if we can all agree on that basic thing, seriously, there is no limits to the future of the country. we just have to convince ourselves of that. [applause] >> ronny: so as someone coming from a conservative background, like, why is it that whenever we talk about voting access, election access, why does it always feel like a left issue rather than right?
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>> it is crazy. because for whatever reason, they feel threatened in the g.o.p. that the more people vote, the more in danger they are. i think we know why, because what they are talking about today, what you see them out they are discussing is not what the vast majority of americans wants. so the thing we can hope is to turn their base out. i think it should be a nonpartisan or bipartisan or whatever issue to say if you have a right to vote in this country, we should make it as accessible and easy for you to vote and by the way, if you can't win, go out and get better ideas to get people to vote for you. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: and what i love about having you on the show is we get to talk to people outside our own echo chamber a little bit. i mean, what is your conservative argument for voting for a democratic president? >> oh, it is really easy. i believe in democracy. i mean, democracy -- i was there on january 6th.
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i had to live through that. standing for the constitution, standing for democracy, there is nothing more conservative than that and donald trump is the exact opposite of that. so for me, kamala harris is going to defend the democracy and i think every republican that takes their views, viewpoints seriously, old-school republican, not whatever this new thing is, should be voting the same way. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you. congressman, i really wish, former congressman, i really wish you were current congressmen. i wish you could run again. thank you so much for speaking, thank you for doing so much for the country with power the polls. today is national poll worker recruitment day, so please consider joining us to power the polls this november by signing up at the link below. representative adam kinzinger. [cheers and applause] man of honor. man of honor. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my next guest tonight is an oscar-nominated actor who stars in the new film, "the instigators." >> you won't hurt anyone? >> no. >> you won't hurt yourself? >> and you will turn yourself in? >> after i do what i got to do, i will turn myself in. >> and i'm your hostage? we are clear? >> great. >> no, you have to say it. >> fine, you are my hostage. >> say you will kill me if i don't help me. >> you don't have a choice? >> you have a choice. you are making a choice. you are a grown man, you are accountable for your decisions, you're making a decision right now. >> fine, i will kill you if you don't help me. >> good.
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>> what kind of conversation is this? >> ronny: please welcome hong chau! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] watch your step. welcome to the show! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ thanks for being on the show! you are the first oscar-nominated actor i have interviewed. >> really? that is really shocking. >> ronny: it's pretty hard to get nominated. you have -- i feel like you are in a great place in culture right now because you are in all of these shows that -- >> i wake up every morning and think, i am in a great place in culture. >> ronny: [laughs] yeah, i think you are. you were in -- you are nominated for the work in "the whale," you are in "asteroid city," wes anderson, you are in "the menu," "watchmen", these really arty, critically
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acclaimed films. and tv shows. i mean, i feel like -- are you purposely going a little bit under the radar? or is this system suppressing asians? which one is it? >> [laughs] i try not to make up every morning thinking that the world is against me because i'm asian. but no, i honestly wish that i knew that i had more control but all of the work that comes to me, it has come really organically. >> ronny: i feel like you devote yourself to the craft it then they show business side of things. is that a conscious decision or is that just natural? >> i guess because it is never i grew up wanted to be an actor, i never saw myself in front of the camera. i was very introverted. i'm still kind of introverted if i'm honest. >> ronny: you are so introverted, you decided to become the greatest actor of all time for millions and millions of people? [cheers and applause] in big films. no, i believe you.
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i'm not saying you are lying. i believe you. it is just funny, how did you reconcile being introverted? with being -- with matt damon, you know, messaging him, you are in this film, and you got nominated for an oscar and all the press that goes with that. how is that? >> well, matt suggested me for "the instigators." >> ronny: so you are on a first-name basis with this guy. [laughter] introverts don't do that. introverts don't go "my friend brad." you mean, brad pitt? >> ronny: can you talk a little bit about your background? because i just find it very interesting. >> yeah, i am vietnamese, and my parents left vietnam after the war in '79. they left by boat. part of the boat people boat exodus. my mom was actually six months pregnant with me. >> ronny: wow. >> and my dad got shot that night as they were leaving. so they were on a boat for three days. my brother was five, my older brother. and somehow, they landed -- they
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ended up at a refugee camp in thailand and that is where i was born. and we had a sponsor family in new orleans. and now i'm here talking to you. [laughs] >> ronny: it's great. that is amazing. that is such a huge glow up! from vietnamese refugees to new orleans residents. >> i know, i am very scary, aren't i? >> ronny: and my wife's family is -- she is vietnamese. >> i just found that out! >> ronny: the same thing happened to them. they escaped south vietnam, saigon, andthey went to australia. when she found out you are on their show, she was like, can i make her a traditional vietnamese cake? and she made you a traditional banh bo cake. look at, my wife's cake. will you try some of it? [applause] >> okay. >> ronny: i hate to go into the stereotype of -- >> this is one of my worst
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nightmares is eating on camera. >> ronny: [laughs] it's okay. you got nominated for an oscar. >> maybe this could be like your thing. what is the chicken wing show? >> ronny: "hot ones?" >> yeah, but yours could be -- hannah could do a vietnamese -- >> ronny: yeah. she got this featured in "the new york times." this is "the new york times" banh bo. >> wow. >> ronny: can you tell her how delicious it is? >> [speaking non-english language] >> ronny: "the instigators" will debut in select theaters on august 2nd and then will be available on apple tv+ august 9th. everybody, please give it up for oscar-nominated hong chau! [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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[besegai] i got a score. this your first job? ♪ give me the loot, give me the loot ♪ [rory] i know what i'm doing. walk in, put a mask on... put the mask on after you, you walk in? —or before? —before. ♪♪ [rory] quick question... if i'm giving instructions and they're not doing 'em? ♪♪ just say, i have a gun. ♪♪ [cobby] watch out! [gunfire] [cobby] that's a gunshot. it's not a gunshot. i dove in front of the bullet to save your life. let's be honest. stop it. the instigators. rated r. streaming soon on apple tv+. popeyes is like, “we read your article". you really hate boneless wings, huh?” and i'm like yeah “it's my identity”" and they're like “well try ours”. (♪♪) uh-oh. well, this changes everything. ♪ love that chicken from popeyes. ♪ old spice gentleman's super hydration body wash. (whispered) vanilla and shea. 24/7 moisturization with vitamin b3. (knock on the door) are you using all the old spice? oops. ♪ (old spice mnemonic) ♪
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yeah, i got beer on the burger. gametime! your cousin from boston make anything a tailgate with sam adams octoberfest. (cheering) it's sam season (music playing throughout) your financial journey starts here. whatever life you choose, gold is easy to invest in online. it could help you grow what you have and protect it. gold. choose your own path. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> ronny: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i am half colombian but for the purposes of this panel, i will be black. how do you think vice president harris handled her wrist bites
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response to trump? >> this is an amazing moment in american tv history because we can tell the american people when we turned black. it was when i heard that song. it was when i heard that song. that is when i knew. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
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