tv The Daily Show Comedy Central August 16, 2024 1:25am-2:01am PDT
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♪ making movies, making songs ♪ ♪ and fightin' 'round the world ♪ see ya next time, everybody! - so i'm supposed to press menu, then function, then enter. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with
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your host, desi lydic! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. republicans stage an intervention, donald trump tries to speak smart, and we get to know j.d. vance whether we want to or not. so let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] kamala harris is crushing it. she's up in the polls. she's raising tons of money. she collected the "white man" infinity stone. it all poses a big problem for donald trump, who's been trying everything he can think of to stop her ascent. he's been insulting her race, insulting her race even more, oh! insulting her gender...
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even more race stuff... blah, blah, blah. but somehow, it's not working. so his allies have some radical proposals for him. >> the winning formula for president trump is very plain to see. it is fewer insults, more insights, and that policy contrast. >> donald trump needs to focus on the issues. >> hit her with her policies first. >> don't call her stupid and all kinds of names. stay on message. >> stop questioning the size of her crowds and start questioning her position. >> quit whining about her. it's not going to win talking about what race kamala harris is. it's not going to win talking about whether she is dumb. >> desi: you know your campaign's going really badly when you need advice from the woman who lost by 40 points and the guy who was house speaker for less than a week. and maybe, just maybe they got through to him. because yesterday, he announced
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that he would give a major policy speech on the economy, which is a big change for him, although you could tell he wasn't very excited about it. >> now this is a little bit different day because this isn't around -- this is -- we're talking about a thing called the economy. they wanted to do a speech on the economy. a lot of people are very devastated by what's happened with inflation and all of the other things. so we're doing this as a intellectual speech. you're all intellectuals today. today, we're doing it and we're doing it right now. >> desi: "all right, i guess we're doing it. we're doing it right now." now he understands what every woman was thinking when they slept with him. [audience reacts] [cheers and applause] "let's just get it over with. right now." i mean, trump's crowd had to have also been disappointed. because they were there for a trump rally, not an "intellectual speech."
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that's like logging onto pornhub and only getting ted talks. i mean, i'm still going to jerk off to it, it's just going to take longer. but with just 81 days left to the election, trump needs to focus on the issues. so let's hear this intellectual, focused, economic policy speech. >> crooked joe. he didn't do interviews either. remember joe, what kind of ice cream is your favorite? vanilla. oh, i like vanilla. that was george flopadopolous. >> desi: okay, i guess you got to warm up first. you can't jump right into the economics. start by attacking the guy you're not even running against anymore. but now that you're warmed up: economics, go! >> you getting out now, joe, we can do it the nice way, or we can do it the hard way, and he's getting out. he's getting out. in fact, they're not even giving him a good spot to speak. you know, when he's speaking on monday. monday is not that -- it's the worst day. >> desi: "monday's the worst day?"
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that's a garfield policy! [laughter and applause] come on, joe biden is not in the race anymore! let's focus on your current opponent. >> barack hussein obama! >> desi: oh, my god. oh, my god. girl, you got to move on. he does not think about you! your current opponent is kamala harris. say something substantive about kamala harris. >> that's the laugh of a crazy person, i will tell you, if you haven't -- she's crazy. she's crazy. that's the laugh of a person with some big problems. >> desi: yes. kamala's the one with big problems. definitely. also, it is so inappropriate to insult a woman's laugh. women are supposed to laugh! it's mandated by our pillows! [cheers and applause]
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you know what? you win. just talk about whatever the [bleep] you want. >> and now they're putting her on the covers of "time" magazine with an artist sketch. they don't use a picture. they use an artist sketch. i want to use that artist. i want to find that artist. i like him very much. >> desi: donald, do you really need a new sketch artist? i feel like you have plenty of sketches. [cheers and applause] look, i hate to nitpick, but in this speech about the economy, do you think at any point you might want to say something about the economy? >> i did have something i would show you. wait a minute. i don't know if you have seen this. i used it once. oh, i have it, i do have it. look at this. look at this. so, this is tic tacs, right?
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>> desi: yes? i mean, they came out of your pocket, so they might be roofies. but okay, for the sake of the argument, they're tic tacs. what does that have to do with the economy? >> but that's what happened. this is inflation. this is tic tac. this is tic tac. this is inflation. this is what has happened. i just happened to have -- somebody gave me this one today. i said, i think we will put it up as an example of inflation. >> desi: that is not an example of inflation! it's just two different sizes of breath mints. i mean, my understanding of macroeconomics is limited, but i do know for a [bleep] fact that inflation is not defined as "big tac tic, little tic tac." jesus christ. [cheers and applause] and by the way, donald, if someone hands you a breath mint, they're not suggesting you talk
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about inflation. they're suggesting you take a breath mint. for more on trump's economic agenda, we go live to troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, that tic tac thing was so weird, right? >> you know what, you're weird, desi. because donald trump is absolutely right. this is a real problem. this box of tic tacs is big. and this one is small. and that's inflation. >> desi: um, no, i don't think so, troy. those are just two different sizes they sell at different prices. that's not inflation. >> no, desi, it is inflation. i took economics 101, which i never slept through sometimes. there are examples of inflation in any grocery store. for example, this is soda, okay? and this is soda.
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thanks, inflation. >> desi: troy, those are just two different sizes of soda. >> and the bigger one is more expensive! >> desi: yeah, right. >> okay, you're not getting it. how about this? i bought this bag of chips last week. today, i went back to the same aisle and instead of chips, it's toilet paper? joe "biden?" more like joe "single-ply-den." >> desi: the store probably just rearranged things. those are different products, troy. >> you're telling me! these disintegrate in salsa. >> desi: these examples are not proving trump's point! >> desi, i'm going to tell you something my economics professor told me: wake up. because here's another thing for you. this suit jacket fit me perfectly two weeks ago. and then i washed it, and now look.
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"joe biden?" more like joe smaller-jacket-den! >> desi: troy, did you run your suit through the dryer? >> of course i did! i'm not going to wear wet clothes, desi. >> desi: troy, just finish your report and come back to the studio, please. >> okay, fine. god, cars are so much more expensive than they were last year. >> desi: yes! yes! that's it. that's inflation! >> no, desi, the car is the same size. >> desi: oh, never mind. troy iwata, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we take a look at j.d. vance's life story. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." let's talk about j.d. vance. democrats hate him and republicans pretend not to. but who is he, really? let's find out in a brand new "daily showography." ♪ ♪ >> middletown, ohio, isn't much to look at. it's probably a few decades away from getting a jamba juice. but this forgotten town full of forgotten men and forgotten women has given us a name to remember. j.d. vance. >> i came from middletown, ohio.
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i am proud of it and i will never forget where i came from. >> but what he would forget is everything else. >> i am a never trump guy. i never liked him. >> the simple fact is, he is the best president of my lifetime. >> this is the "daily showography" of j.d. vance. the forgettin' man. you may have heard that j.d. doesn't think much of life in your democrat-run cities. but to hear him tell it, growing up in small-town ohio and kentucky was not so hot either. >> our homes are a chaotic mess. at least one member of the family uses drugs. >> young j.d. was taken in by his mamaw. >> she says, come stay with me, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can talk to my gun. they all came from a family that would shoot at you rather than argue. >> when we went through her things, we found 19 loaded handguns bearing under her bed, in her closet, and the silverware drawer. >> aw. it is like if tarantino
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directed an episode of "the golden girls." after high school, j.d. left his mamaw's house for a place with slightly fewer guns: the u.s. military. he spent four years in the marines public affairs department, which would eventually serve him well in politics, where his new boss has had many public affairs. back home, j.d. lifted himself up by his bootstraps and government g.i. bill money to attend yale law school, where he would meet his future wife. nothing would keep them apart. >> i love her because she is who she is. obviously, she's not a white person, but i love usha. >> marriage really is about compromise. after overcoming the traumas of an ivy league education, j.d. sought honest work down in the valley, where remembering where he came from sometimes meant forgetting where he was. >> i didn't come from the elite. i didn't come from san francisco. >> you are out in san francisco now. right? >> that's right. >> working for peter thiel?
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>> i work at one of the venture capitalist funds he cofounded. >> and while big tech made him rich, it was the publishing world where he really made a name for himself. j.d. turned his childhood pain into "hillbilly elegy," a best-selling memoir and hollywood film. >> hasta la vista, baby. >> soon, those fancy aristocrats who drink sparkling water and wear pajamas... >> to this day, i find the very notion of pajamas an unnecessary elite indulgence. >> were begging him to join their ranks. >> should you run for office? >> when people asked me if i want to run for office, part of me wonders, do they think i give off a used car salesman vibe? >> [laughs] what? no. not at all. soon enough, j.d. was ready to be put into a certified pre-owned ohio senate seat. he had the perfect resume. blue-collar childhood. former marine. absolutely zero rumors that he had [bleep] a couch. [crickets] if only he hadn't said all those terrible things about his party's new god. >> i can't stomach trump.
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i think that he is noxious and is leading the white working class to a very dark place. >> you said i am a never trump guy. never liked him. terrible candidate. idiot if you voted for him. might be america's hitler. might be a cynical a-hole. cultural heroin. noxious. reprehensible. >> how could vance run for office as a maga republican after all of that? he would have to call upon his experience as a forgotten man, and forget it all. >> look, i was wrong about donald trump. i didn't think he was going to be a good president. he was a great president. >> trump may be cultural heroin but j.d. was hooked. the new j.d. loved djt with all his heart. and trump almost knew who j.d. was. >> we've endorsed jp, right? jp mendel and he is doing great. >> whatever his name was, there was something about this new guy that donald trump liked. >> j.d. is kissing my ass.
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he wants my support. >> with the taste of trump's butt cheeks fresh on his lips, vance won his election and the forgetting kicked into high gear. the man who once said he hated the police and respected trans people now said it was the other way around. no opinion was safe from j.d.'s maga memory wipe. >> universities, folks need to get their businesses off the town. the universities in our country are fundamentally corrupt. >> it is really important to not just fabricate a lie. >> jd's moral flexibility propelled him into those maga a list, and when donald trump needed a new running mate, for some reason, he tapped vance. >> [laughs] i love you guys. >> once he hit the campaign trail, jd's former friends in the media discovered that his mouth had left around more loaded guns then mamaw. >> republican candidate j.d. vance is igniting a fire storm, for once calling citizens
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without children, childless cat ladies. >> vance calling pregnancies resulting from rape raper incest inconvenient. >> americans without kid should have their boy scout last. >> he takes aim at simone files after she dropped out of the tokyo olympics for mental health reasons. >> the fundamental lie of american feminism is that it is liberating. for a woman to go into work, 90 hours a week. >> please! tell me more about the lessons of feminism, sir. but who cares what the haters on the elites think? there is only one man whose opinion counts. and he thinks j.d. has what it takes. >> when you look at j.d. vance, is he ready on day one? >> historically, the vice president does not have any impact. i mean, virtually, no impact. >> yes, they said people from jd's neck of the ones don't matter. but now, vance has become the most important not important man in america. and soon, he might be enshrined forever in the nation's halls of
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power. or he will lose and like every other failed vp candidate in history, this forgetting man will also be forgotten. [cheers and applause] >> desi: when we come back, brittney cooper and rebecca traister will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] at oscar mayer, we smoke our bacon for 12 long hours. keep it oscar. introducing glimmiér gloss. for a perfect - yup. [camera clicks] we're still smoking that bacon.
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♪ i am, i cried ♪ oh... [ laughing ] ♪ i am, said i ♪ ♪ and i am lost and i can't ♪ punch buggy red. ♪ even say why ♪ ♪ i am, i said ♪ ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." we have two incredible guests tonight. rebecca traister is a writer for "new york magazine," and author of "good and mad." and brittney cooper is a professor at rutgers university, and author of "eloquent rage." please welcome rebecca traister and brittney cooper! [cheers and applause]
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♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to the show! >> hi. >> desi: thank you so much for being here. >> glad to be here. >> desi: i am so excited to have you both on in this moment in particular. there has been a real vibe shift here with kamala harris entering the race. she would be the first female president. she would be the first black female president. she would be the first south asian person to be president. this is obviously something to be celebrated and incredibly meaningful for so many reasons. but at the same time, how should we be talking about this? how much should the campaign be leaning into this, and how much might it undermine how qualified she is as just being the right person for the job right now? >> i think it is a really tricky
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balance. because on the one hand, you don't want to fixate on these firsts and the pure identity changes and representative changes because there has to be substance along with that too. we could be talking about nikki haley and have some of the same firsts and we'd be feeling very differently about that. [laughter] so i want to say that just talking about the representative firsts isn't enough. and yet, we cannot behave in this country as though we are a nation that has ever previously managed to elect a woman in 250 years, right? so we can't trick ourselves either into thinking that there is not a lot happening in this campaign and on these stages, that we do not have models for, that we need to turn to different degrees of faith. that we need to sit in our anxiety about whether we as a country can become better, right? and become different and do things differently and imagine so it would be silly to pretend
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that those things don't come into it. i think deeply dishonest about who we are as a country. and about the possibility of who we could become as a country. >> but at the same time -- [cheers and applause] the thing you got to acknowledge when you acknowledge that she is first is also all of the unreasonable expectations that come with being first. and so the stakes are incredibly high and there is no margin for error. and we have got to remember, how do we balance the fact that she is first but she doesn't get to be the exception? she is first but she is going to have to respond to protesters. she is first but she is going to have to be accountable for policy and how it actually shapes people's lives. she is first and at the same time, people are going to expect her to be jesus because they always expect black women to be jesus. [applause] >> desi: you know that i think about just 8 minutes ago, the 20 minutes of reel we just watched on donald trump, it is crazy we are having this
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conversation right now. you have both written extensively about using the power of anger and using the power of rage. female politicians are not given any grace to have anger or rage. is there any reason why they should give a flying [bleep] about that? >> [laughter] i mean, you know, look. my camp is lean into that shit. >> desi: [laughter] [applause] >> i have famously said that rage is a superpower because we live in a country that always does things to induce women's anger, to induce black women's anger, and then it gaslights and tells us that we are actually irrational because we are angry at a country that says we don't have control over our bodies, at a country that is disrespecting cat ladies, you know? in a country where women say brilliant things in meetings all the time and no one hears it until the dude in the room says the same thing! and so of course, we are mad! but we are also geniuses, we are also dope, we are also joyful. these things are not mutually
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exclusive. >> i want to pick up on that joyful thing. what is being projected by kamala harris and tim walz on those stages is unfettered joy. the beauty of being able -- the happiness of being able to envision a future that looks different from our past. [applause] >> desi: that's right. there are 80 more days to go until the election. what is the proper, healthy way to channel all of these feelings of anger and rage and uncertainty and positivity and joy? >> here's the thing. i believe in faith and hope because i come from working-class black people in the deep south who didn't grow up with a lot of possibility, who didn't have a lot of possibility, but who kept getting up every day and trying again. so it is always the height of a certain kind of access and privilege when i see people
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assuming that we get the benefit and the indulgence of our cynicism, the indulgence of our disaffection. all -- what it means to be a black person in this country is that we have to fight every day for new possibilities for ourselves and i think of that is the lesson that america can take from having a black woman run for the presidency. that is what black people have taught this country, is that, if we want it, we have to fight for it. so let's go! that's where i am. let [bleep] go! [cheers and applause] >> desi: let's go! i'm going to leave it right there. let's go! be sure to check out "good and mad" and "eloquent rage." rebecca traister and brittney cooper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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against, what's his name? [audience reacts] >> donald dump or whatever it is. they want to get rid of it, what we passed. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> sorry. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ ♪ timmy, timmy, leh-bah-la timmy ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - okay, children, step off the bus and form a group next to the nice redneck. i mean, rancher. - hello, boys and girls, my name is rancher bob.
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- let's all say hello to rancher bob. - [unenthusiastic] hi, rancher bob. - i'm pleased to show you all the wonderful world of beef. follow me. - city kids get to go to museums for field trips. we get cow farms. - now, out here you can see our cattle. this is where the magic begins as the cows eat, sleep, and prepare for certain death. - they look so delicious. - and here we have the slaughterhouse. this is where we turn the cows into steaks and burgers! all: eww! - aw, dude! - anybody want a free sample? - me, me, me, me! - and in here, boys and girls, we have our veal ranch. [sad music plays] you see, with veal, the whole key is keeping the cows chained so they can't walk around or get any exercise. that way, their muscle tissue stays soft and makes for tender veal. - wait a minute, veal is little baby cows? - yepper! - then why the hell do they call it "veal"?
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- well, if we called it "little baby cow" people might not eat it. - yeah, i wouldn't have! - me neither. - oh, man, look at that one! it looks delicious! - what? - mmm, succulent and juicy... can we have a free sample of these too? - well, no, but all these veals are going to the slaughterhouse tomorrow morning. they'll be steaks by the afternoon, and then you can buy them at your grocery store. - all right! - tomorrow morning? dude, we gotta help them. - yeah. [knocks on glass] - psst-- cartman. - no, uncle jesse, no! - cartman, wake up! - what? what the hell are you guys doing? - come on, we gotta go! - where we going? - we're gonna go save the little baby cows, fat-ass. - what, why? - they're gonna get slaughtered, butthole! - so? - so we can't let 'em die, douche bag. you're our friend. now come help us. - well, let's see, in the last 3.2 seconds you've called me fat-ass, butthole, and douche bag. i really don't feel much like your guys' friend. - we're sorry, you are our friend. we need you to help us because friends stick together. - wait, i thought you said we needed him because he has
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