tv The Daily Show Comedy Central August 19, 2024 11:00pm-11:36pm PDT
11:00 pm
kn how much you want to watch "wall-e." yes? so i got as a compromise. this movie is called "hardware." it tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like "wall-e," that the government invented to destroy humans. it's some of what you like and some of what i like. and-- marry-- hey, uh, i heard you talking about movies before. and-- anyway, i just watched this over the weekend. i thought you'd really like it. there's a "shrek 2?" oh yeah. see ya tomorrow. nice guy. ooh. >> announcer: from chicago... home of the world's most inedible bean... it is "the daily show"'s p30 democratic national convention with your host michael kosta! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
11:01 pm
[cheers and applause] >> michael: woo! welcome to "the daily show!" my god. i'm michael kosta. [cheers and applause] [laughs] and we are in chicago! [cheers and applause] oh, man, awesome. it's great to be here. it's great to be here. the weather is beautiful. i now get why you all live here because it's like this all year round. unbelievable. plus it's an hour earlier than new york, so i get to start drinking at 9:00 instead of 10:00 am. [cheers and applause] theory chicago. but hey, enough about me. we're here for the democratic national convention. so let's get right into our coverage of "indecision 2024." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ as of tonight, the dnc is officially underway. and to hear democrats tell it, it's gonna be a hell of a week.
11:02 pm
>> all eyes are on chicago. it is game day for the democratic party, the kickoff of the democratic national convention. >> america's blue party awash in fresh optimism. >> everybody and their mom is trying to get the hottest ticket in the windy city. >> frankly, it'll be like a rock concert. i think people are going to be cheering and pretty excited. >> let's go, democrats! >> michael: yeah! "let's go, democrats!" [cheers and applause] you know, the dumber your hat, the more energy you always have. no one ever puts on a donkey hat and is like, "you know what, let's stay in tonight." but of course democrats are excited, because this is a chance for them to lay out their specific vision each night. and let's hear what you've got! >> new this morning, we are learning how each night of the convention will highlight her vision for the country. tomorrow's opening night's theme, for the people. tuesday will outline democrats bold vision for america's future. wednesday, they're calling a
11:03 pm
fight for our freedoms. and thursday, a message for our future. >> michael: huh! a bold olicy move by the democrats. tuesday is for "the future." and thursday is... also the future. how do you have themes that are so vague, and then still run out of ideas by thursday? this is like when the "fast and the furious" movies ran out of different ways to say that the movies would be fast and furious. "2 fast 2 furious," "faster and more furiouser." "fastestest and furiousestestest" we get it. the car goes vroom! all right? but it's not all going to be as vague as their daily themes. the democrats also released a very detailed party platform, and you can tell how much time and energy they put into it because they forgot to replace joe biden's name with kamala's. [audience reacts] and that's not just lazy, guys, it's risky. joe biden's going to read that
11:04 pm
and be like, "gas up the corvette, i'm going back in!" [laughs] but look, obviously there's going to be some policy talk during the dnc, but is there going to be anything that's more fun than that? >> we'll have some celebs on hand at the democratic national convention. it kicks off today, and it's got a few notable celebrities that are actually set to host this week's events. so starting off, we have "scandal" stars kerry washington along with tony goldwyn. they're among the hosts for the four-day convention, as well as comic mindy kaling and "the view" co-host ana navarro. >> rumors are swirling big time. everybody is talking about it, that two of the biggest names in music, beyonce, taylor swift, might make appearances. >> michael: holy shit! did you hear that? a completely unsubstantiated rumor about taylor swift and beyonce! but in the mean time, give it up [cheers and applause] for ana navarro and tony goldwyn! [cheers and applause] why are our news reporters talking out of their ass like that? this feels like hosting a
11:05 pm
birthday when you're 13 and being like, "hey, my cousin says he knows tony hawk, so i don't know, he might show up." but even if you can't get into the convention itself, there is all sorts of things to do around town. like this thing. >> the planned parenthood mobile clinic has also just arrived. they'll be offering free abortion medication, iuds, and vasectomies. >> a group called americans for contraception has a 20-foot inflatable iud near the united center. they named it freida. [cheers and applause] >> michael: freida? its name is freida? that's a little confusing. the name freida makes me think of my little old grandma, which actually is my preferred form of contraception. actually, the truth is freida is short for "you are freeda-jizz inside me." [cheers and applause] i knew, i knew chicago would love that joke.
11:06 pm
now some men out there might be seeing this and asking, "is a regular iud inflatable, too?" and the answer is yes. the way an iud works is, you inflate it, you insert it into the uterus, and it waves its floppy arms like, "get out of here, sperm! get out of here! shoo! and while you're here, buy a nissan!" and mobile vasectomies? look, i'm not raggin' on it or anything, but if i'm going to get my balls operated on, i'm going to need to be in a structure that won't 100% get towed. [laughter and applause] for more on this, we go to grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] grace, grace, the democrats are really emphasizing reproductive rights this week. >> absolutely, michael. this week is all about genitals. they've got the vasectomy vans,
11:07 pm
they've got the inflatable iuds, and look, right behind me, they've installed a giant clitoris! [laughter and cheering] >> michael: actually, grace, i think that's the bean. >> uh, yeah, that's what i call it too. >> michael: all right. grace kuhlenschmidt, everyone. [cheers and applause] but while the dnc kicks off, the rest of the campaign is continuing. and donald trump is laser-focused on the issues that are most important to the american people. >> they said, no, her biggest advantage is that she's a beautiful woman. i'm going, huh, i never thought of that. i'm better looking than she is. i'm a better looking person than kamala! >> michael: "than kamala." just so you know, man, just because you wear more makeup than kamala doesn't mean you
11:08 pm
look better. [cheers and applause] meanwhile, kamala harris and tim walz just finished a bus tour of pennsylvania. and it seems like they had a good time. you got tim walz handing kamala doritos, doug emhoff also handing kamala doritos, kamala looking at that display case, wondering how long that hard-boiled egg has been there. just have the secret service try it, kamala. that's what they're there for! by the way, you just know tim walz is the happiest guy in the world to be spending this much time on a bus. [cheers and applause] he's probably got his own map, and he's giving the driver advice. "oh, you could take the 34 to the 16, but honestly, the 7 to the 53, they got better rest stops." but walz has also been carving out time for his own campaign rallies. over the weekend, he had a rally in nebraska, where he grew up.
11:09 pm
and while he was there, he threw down the gauntlet in a very nebraska way. >> do you think j.d. vance knows one damn thing about nebraska? [crowd yells "no!"] he is going to be here next week. you think he's ever had a runza? you think he's ever had a runza? [crowd yells "no!"] that guy would call it a hot pocket! you know it. every one of you in here know it. [cheers and applause] >> michael: ooh! extremely regional slam! walz got him good, i think? that was the most specific pandering i've ever heard. i had to look up what a runza is. it's basically meat stuffed inside bread, and apparently, it's a regional favorite in nebraska. although, i always say, if regional meats are so good, they'd be national meats. and if that didn't happen, maybe they're weren't ready for the big time. for more on the runza debate, we go live to jordan klepper. [cheers and applause]
11:10 pm
jordan. jordan, does all this regional pandering actually work? >> absolutely not, michael. voters are savvy, and this kind of pandering is treating them like idiots. focus on the issues, like: how is tim walz going to sustain a bull market? because everybody loves the bulls. go bulls! [cheers and applause] >> michael: okay, so, we agree. no pandering, stick to the issues. >> yes. walz needs to cut out the food talk. focus on the substance. beef it up. make it spicy. and everyone knows the only way to do that, is to throw a little giardiniera on there! who's with me, chicago? [cheers and applause] >> michael: okay, i don't know what that reference was, but obviously, you're also pandering to this crowd. >> [laughs]
11:11 pm
what, no? michael, no. i'm going deep on the issues. deep like this town's delicious and far superior pizza! [cheers and applause] and i have to tell you, michael, if you have a problem with that, just call me lou malnati, captaining the good ship pequod! because the truth is my numbero uno priority. [cheers and applause] also giordanos! [cheers and applause] >> michael: come on, man, this is cheap. i can rile a crowd up too if you want me to. like... uh, hey, the willis tower isn't as high as the stakes in this election! [boos] >> ugh. stop. nobody wants your stupid architecture references, kosta. if i wanted a legitimate architecture tour, i'd take the "l" down to west loop, swing by portillos, head to east wacker, hop on a wendella tour boat, and gaze up at the splendor of famed chicago architect mies van der rohe.
11:12 pm
[cheers and applause] so ease up, kosta, ease up on the pandering. these folks can see it from a mile away... like the [bleep] willis tower! >> michael: but i said willis tower, too! >> yeah, but you suck, just like the packers! let's go, chicago! van der rohe! van der rohe! van der rohe! van der rohe! >> michael: jordan klepper, everybody. when we come back, we take a guided tour of this great city. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] but i said willis tower. i said it. [cheers and applause]
11:13 pm
(♪♪) at carmax, we offer no-haggle pricing which means you — wait, wait no, where are you going? that's not carmax, that's beetlemax. you can't trust beetlemax! you're going the wrong way! i said that's beetlemax! uh-oh, i said it three times. the juice is loose. carmax. the way car buying should be. beetlemax. the way car buying shouldn't be. (♪♪) [upbeat music] ♪ yeah, baby, i like it like that ♪ ♪ you gotta believe me when i tell ya ♪ ♪ i like it like that ♪
11:14 pm
♪ i like it like that, i like it like that ♪ ♪ clap your hands if you want some more ♪ ♪ que rico ♪ ♪ yeah, baby, i like it like that ♪ ♪ i've got the soul i've got the soul ♪ ♪ i like it like that ♪ ♪ up in here, up in here ♪ ♪ y'all gon' make me go all out ♪ ♪ up in here, up in here ♪ ♪ up in here, up in here ♪ "all you can eat" riblets, shrimp and boneless wings are back for just $15.99.
11:15 pm
at applebee's. your wyndham is waiting... because you earned it after months on the road with the travel hockey team. and since chances are you're about 10 minutes from a hotel by wyndham, you can keep earning and redeeming points towards free nights. wyndham rewards. get the lowest price at wyndhamrewards.com [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." the democrats could have picked any city to hold the convention, so why chicago? our own jordan klepper spent the day with a local to find out what chicago has to offer. >> beautiful chicago. my old turf where i spent nearly a decade's doing improv comedy and posing like a hip-hop magician. this isn't about me it's about showing the exotic hot spots that chicago has to offer. and i got a little help from a local billionaire. our tour guide, i'm here with governor j.b. pritzker!
11:16 pm
[cheers and applause] we are going to see more than just wrigley field. there is culture here. what are we going to see? >> we got blues, we got museums. >> i love it. >> bra foodie town. >> we are going to get to that. [laughs] i used to drink here. >> let's go! ♪ ♪ >> it's perfect. >> to get in the right mood, we need a local delicacy. >> it is a chicago special. if you come to chicago, if you want to be like chicagoans, you got to have it. >> it is a lovely look who are made here in chicago, and it tastes like it was made here in chicago. >> i love it. >> cheers. [cheers and applause] >> oh! >> that is some of the best malort i've ever had. >> that is delicious. this aftertaste, like i was sucking on the leg of a wet dog. it is dnc week.
11:17 pm
the convention is here in chicago. why chicago? >> we have had more political conventions in chicago than any other city in america. >> they haven't always gone great beards because the demonstrators repeatedly tried to march on the side of the convention. >> things have changed quite a lot. they have protested every convention. the truth is that here in chicago, we protect people's first amendment rights and we will put on one of the best conventions ever. [cheers and applause] there is no city that has a better summer than the city of chicago. >> this is like the olympics for people who are not athletic. >> i know this doesn't sound exciting to you but every delegation from the 50 states, all day, there will be meetings among democrats about the party platform. >> you are right. that doesn't sound exciting. you see what the rnc did? >> hulk hogan? >> hulk hogan, kid rock? what am i going to get the guy from jackass? >> this will be the most energetic convention you will see. >> unfortunately, i have seen what the energy can be like. >> out there doing the macarena like nobody's business. so i actually think this is one
11:18 pm
of the great moments in herstory. >> i wouldn't attach such a herstory. keep it in history. chicago has been known for corruption in the past. republicans are correct on my criticizing kamala for getting in, throughout they would say, inside maneuvers. how is the parties where something like that? >> are you kidding? donald trump tried to steal the election? >> he has one insurrection and that is always going to be it? >> by the way, he says, if he doesn't win this time, he has been cheated. >> i got to ask you, the governor, a big question. is "the bear" a comedy or a drama? >> i don't know why it's in the comedy category but i got to say, it's one of the best shows on tv. it shows off chicago. >> this is some beautiful chicago. >> let's do it. >> put it on the pritzker's. i always wanted to say that. maybe we just hit one more bar before we get to that lunch. ♪ ♪ >> you know, this empty bar
11:19 pm
takes me back to my improper days. the audience's response back then. >> you do it because you love i. >> okay. [laughs] >> cheers. okay! museums! >> are we talking museums? >> no, we are going to museums. let's see this beautiful town! governor, a lot of culture here. so much good architecture in chicago. >> it is. that started with the great chicago fire. everything getting burnt down. all the great architects and artists -- >> i used to drink here. we've got to get a drink. ♪ ♪ good to see you again. ♪ ♪ cheers. were you surprised about biden stepping down question marks become i was. i really was. it happened so fast, about noon on a sunday. >> it was a sunday. because i was in a church, not at a bar. i was at a church. >> and a lot of us were concerned about the direction of
11:20 pm
the election and whether joe biden was going to be able to be competitive, because the polls weren't looking good. >> in this moment, are you want to text trade with other governors? >> actually, there were governors talking. >> the governor's push him out? you weren't notching an old man? >> to be clear -- >> walking by on the sidewalk, the governor shakes? >> joe biden is tough. he is the one nudging somebody back. >> don't give me this. look at how touchy is on a bike bullshit. >> he is tough. he understands politics better than most. we don't have any time to waste. kamala harris as our vice president. we all voted for him. she is the one. picking tim walz, i think he is excellent. immediately, of course, coming up with hashtags, balls to the walz. >> that is the first thing you do? that is what my taxpayers go to? >> i am paying for balls hashtags? >> i mean, maybe. >> buy the drinks. >> unbelievable. ♪ ♪ >> enough of the distractions.
11:21 pm
museum. where do we have to go? >> you got to go to the museum of contemporary art. the art institute, got the beautiful liens in front. don't forget the field museum. the natural history. >> there is culture in this town. oh, my god! we are at wrigleyville! i love it! we got to go! >> let's do it. >> walking into a bit of chicago history is intoxicating. i can smell the stale hot dogs and tears of defeat. look at this! beautiful day to be here at wrigley. >> every day at wrigley is beautiful. >> yes. okay, so no baseball today. >> no. when this place is full, it is amazing. >> they seem to be setting up for a concert. this is america's pastime. watching other people do work while you sit on your ass. let's go, roadies! >> let's go, roadies! >> union roadies. >> let's go, union roadies!
11:22 pm
nice. by the way, i have parking tickets? >> i don't do parking tickets, sorry. >> i will take it. [cheers and applause] >> michael: thank you, jordan. when we come back, michigan governor gretchen whitmer will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] with so many choices on booking.com there are so many tina feys i could be. so i hired body doubles. mountain climbing tina at a cabin. or tree climbing tina at a beach resort. nice! booking.com booking.yeah. popcorners...
11:23 pm
11:24 pm
11:25 pm
no, i add downy light so the freshness really lasts. yeah, most scented stuff gives me a headache, but this is just right. and i don't like anything. but i like this. get a light scent that lasts with no heavy perfumes or dyes. ( ♪ ♪ ) ♪♪ yo, can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? ¿qué? (what?) can i play? ¡ah, sí tú puedes! (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (¡sí tú puedes!) can i kick it? can i kick it? can i try? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!)
11:26 pm
11:27 pm
[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] right? aren't they great? [cheers and applause] aren't they great? [cheers and applause] all these -- all these people who love you aren't even legally allowed to vote for you. >> [laughs] >> michael: i think one of the things people love about you is that you have grit and you seem tough. you talk about your grandmother and she always said, always look for the positive in people. i love this quote. it is "even the meanest person might have pretty eyes."
11:28 pm
is that a way to govern? >> [laughs] >> michael: i mean, you know, a lot of people may be sadly were introduced to you through the kidnapping story. >> yeah. >> michael: how do you see the positives in those people or in that situation? can you? >> they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] so there's the positives. i have learned so much. in the last six years, when you get tested, you see what you're capable of and what you are made of. you also know who you can count on and who you can trust. there is a lesson in every tough story. >> michael: there is a lot of energy for kamala right now. there's a lot of momentum. [cheers and applause] i am fearful, though, i'm fearful that democrats aren't thinking a few steps ahead. trump is throwing his tantrums, he is mad that she is doing well. but you know, he's a competitor. he is going to pivot. he is going to come back with something. are the dems strategizing many
11:29 pm
steps ahead? >> i believe so but what are you anticipating? >> michael: what? are you kidding me? >> what is he going to do in a couple of weeks? i think he is sitting at home watching the energy, the enthusiasm, the optimism that is going to come out of this week, and i think it is going to hurt his brain. [cheers and applause] >> michael: yeah, well, it is -- [laughs] [cheers and applause] >> michael: okay! okay. let's hope that happens. let's prepare for him to get his head on straight and stop throwing a tantrum like a 4-year-old. he's acting like a 4-year-old. eventually, they calm down and they figure out the weak spot. so i'm just hoping the dems -- are you -- you are a cochair on kamala's campaign? >> i am. >> michael: are you strategizing, are you talking long term? >> yeah. michigan is michigan. there's wisconsin, pennsylvania, michigan. these are the swingiest of states. we are going to decide the outcome of the election. we have got to show up, got to do the work, we got to be in all 83 counties. we cannot write off a place because it looks republican in past elections.
11:30 pm
we are going to show up and we are going to pull people in because this -- [cheers and applause] >> michael: showing up. >> showing up. yeah. >> michael: i told you that a couple weeks ago, my daughter, who is four, got pushed by another girl at camp and had a black eye and i was really sad and i was upset about it. then i read your book and i said, holy shit, my daughter is going to be the governor of michigan. [cheers and applause] >> [laughs] >> michael: "true gretch" is available now. governor gretchen whitmer. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. thank you so, so much! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
11:31 pm
♪ahh, push it.♪ ♪sodastream is here,♪ ♪and we're pushing good,♪ ♪fizz water like you should.♪ ♪add any flavors you like,♪ ♪enjoy all day and night.♪ ♪always fresh taste,♪ ♪that's the way it should be.♪ ♪with sodastream, its fun to mix it fresh,♪ ♪you will see.♪ ♪now push.♪ ♪replace plastic with ease,♪ ♪yeh you can do it too!♪ ♪sodastream makes it fresh♪ ♪and perfect for you.♪ ♪now push,♪ ♪it's fun to push it good.♪ ♪♪ this kia turbo-hybrid is built for all the things you've yet to do. like taking a long drive. just to throw a monster tailgate party at an away game. brisket, anyone? ♪♪
11:32 pm
do what's yet to be done. the new kia carnival turbo-hybrid. kia. movement that inspires. a mystery! jessie loves playing detective. but the real mystery was her irritated skin. so, we switched to tide free & gentle. it cleans better, and doesn't leave behind irritating residues. and it's gentle on her skin. tide free and gentle liquid is epa safer choice certified. it's gotta be tide. old spice gentleman's super hydration body wash. (whispered) vanilla and shea. 24/7 moisturization with vitamin b3. (knock on the door) are you using all the old spice? oops. ♪ (old spice mnemonic) ♪ do you guys think we come here too much? ♪ your cousin from boston ♪ summer ale! octoberfest!
11:33 pm
winter lager! cold snap! nah! it's sam season your wyndham is waiting. whether it's for the bucket lists... the free breakfasts and wifi... or the... romantic getaways? with 24 trusted brands by wyndham to choose from... your wyndham is waiting. get the lowest price at wyndhamhotels.com [cheers and applause] >> michael: that's our show for tonight. "the daily show"'s desi lydic will be your host tomorrow night. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i'm going to bring up a couple of these great business leaders but before we do, i would like to answer some questions from primarily local
11:34 pm
philadelphia press. we've got -- we've got to get out of here and go get a cheesesteak. we are going to go get a cheesesteak after this. we are in philly. we are in philly. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪
11:35 pm
162 Views
Uploaded by TV Archive on