eh, what do you think you're doing? - we're setting you adrift, idiot. - maybe you can go live with the danish! - you'll regret this day, friend! - i'm not your friend, buddy! - i'm not your buddy, guy! - he's not your guy, friend! - i'm not your friend, buddy! both: we're not your buddies, guy! - i'm not your guy, friends! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from chicago... where conventions always go really, really well... it is "the daily show"'s "indecision 2024:" the democratic national convention, plot twist, with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: yeah! [cheers and applause] welcome to "the daily show!" i am jordan klepper! oh, oh! [cheers and applause] and we are here in chicago, everybody! [cheers and applause] all week! all week! i got to say, this week has been lovely for me personally because i spent some seriously formative years living in chicago doing comedy. [cheers and applause] so yes, thank you. this city is in my blood. and by that, i mean i suffer from a duck's hotdog-induced cholesterol problem. worth it!

but we're here to talk about the democratic national convention, so let's get into "indecision 2024!" [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ yesterday was night two of the dnc and the positive vibes were still going strong. people were dancing, they were singing, they were cheering, they were... putting invisalign in. [laughter] poor bastard. he's thinking, "there's 20,000 people in this arena, there's no way the camera's going to be pointed at me for the two seconds while i take out my invisalign." in front of the whole world! you know his dentist was like, "the best part of invisalign is that no one will ever know you have it!" [applause] i mean, who is the cameraman who staked out this guy for 30 hours just to get that two second

shot? this is a convention, not a "planet earth" shoot. "watch the aging liberal slowly prepare his mouth to attract a mate." now the actual purpose of the convention is to officially nominate the party's presidential ticket. and they do that through a state roll-call. here's what that looked like at the republican convention a few weeks ago. >> pursuant to the announcement of the delegation and the rules and proceedings of this convention, oklahoma, 43 votes, president trump. >> jordan: okay. i get it. the lady who runs an orphanage counts the votes and that's that! but last night, the democrats changed things up a bit. >> georgia, how do you cast you vote? ♪ ♪ >> yeah! ♪ ♪

ladies and gentlemen, we are here tonight to officially nominate kamala harris for president! ♪ ♪ another round of shots! get loud! dnc, turn out for what! ♪ ♪ >> jordan: wow! whoa! woo-hoo! i didn't know politics was so lit! i'm going to start voting! i just know that when lil jon wrote this song, he was thinking to himself, "this will absolutely rip at the 2024 democratic national convention." i'd love to hear someone explaining to the older white delegates who lil jon is. "he's a rapper, mom. you know, that musical genre invented by lin-manuel miranda." they actually had a dj spinning songs from each state as they came up. he played motown philly for pennsylvania, a chappell roan song for her home state of missouri. [cheers and applause]

iowa probably had "happy birthday" or some shit. not a big music state. personally, i can't wait to see my home state of michigan show up. ["lose yourself" plays] >> jordan: oh, oh, yeah! [cheers and applause] palms are sweaty, mom's spaghetti! you got the mic, michigan, make me proud! >> michigan, how do you cast your vote? >> this november, we're in it together, michigan cast three present -- [stumbles] -- 125 votes. >> jordan: gah! michigan, what are you doing? you embarrassed us in front of illinois! [cheers and applause] oh, michigan! [cheers and applause] come on! michigan, how did you mess that up? you can't say a simple number, but you know how to say

"ypsilanti?" come on! this is why you go to rehearsal, ladies! you literally only had one shot and you missed your chance to blow -- this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo! [cheers and applause] you know what, let's see if illinois did any better. ♪ ♪ >> the great state of illinois, the prairie state, home of four presidents, including president barack obama! [cheers and applause] the birthplace of skyscrapers, and the adopted home of superman. [laughter] >> jordan: okay. started out strong. seems like a pretty steep drop off from presidents and skyscrapers to "the adopted home

of a made up comic book character." you had nothing in between that? like michael jordan? i don't know. [cheers and applause] come on, j.b.! j.b., come on! last time i checked, there's no superman steakhouse in chicago. for more on the dnc roll call, let's go live now to the illinois delegation with desi lydic! [cheers and applause] desi. [cheers and applause] desi, i got to know what you think. "the adopted home of superman"? what do you make of that choice? >> that was a huge missed opportunity, jordan. the committee claims this was the best they could come up with, but there's so many better options when you're talking about a great state like illinois! [cheers and applause]

>> jordan: right, obviously, of course. so what would you have gone with? >> well, i've been here since monday, so i'm officially an expert on illinois history. how about: "illinois, home of the notorious serial killer john wayne gacy!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i don't think that would have played, desi. >> okay, okay, or: "illinois: where four of our last ten governors went to prison!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: desi, no, i don't think that one's better. >> okay, fine, what about: "illinois: in the winter, you'll freeze your tits off!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: okay, i think we're good. desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] let's move on. i want to move on.

because after the roll call, it was time for the speeches. and the headliners were barack and michelle obama. >> america, hope is making a comeback! [cheers and applause] >> america is ready for a new chapter. america is ready for a better story. we are ready for a president kamala harris! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: you know, i almost forgot how charming and inspirational the obamas are! frankly, it's a shot of adrenaline to see these masters of the craft. you sort of want to sit in it. i almost don't want to listen to anybody else. but you know what? the democrats have been telling us they have a deep bench. so let's see these exciting up-and-comers tap into the energy and the charisma of the obamas. >> in my state, we like things spicy.

a little chili on everything, a little kick in our campaign. and let me tell you, we are feeling en fuego right now. [laughter] >> jordan: you know what, maybe another quick hit of that obama charm for a sec. >> we believe that true freedom gives each of us the right to make decisions about our own life -- how we worship, what our family looks like, how many kids we have, who we marry. and we believe that freedom requires us to recognize that other people have the freedom to make choices that are different than ours. that's okay! >> jordan: ooh! [cheers and applause]

oh, oh. oh! [cheers and applause] oh! oh, that's the good stuff. you know? inject that "hope and changey" shit into my veins! whoa! but i can't just get high off these guys all night. there's other product out there, like kamala harris's husband doug emhoff. [cheers and applause] yeah. why don't i give him a chance to touch my heart with his moving story of the first time he called kamala for a date. >> i got kamala's voice mail and i just started rambling. "hey, it's doug." [laughter] >> jordan: yeah, yeah, that sure is a doug.

has there ever been a more "guy named doug" in history? if your name's doug, this is who you are. but maybe we're asking too much of doug. he's a political spouse! you don't expect a political spouse to be able to rile up a crowd. >> i want to know, i want to know, who's going to tell him, who's going to tell him that the job he's currently seeking might be just one of those black jobs? [cheers and applause] >> jordan: ooh! that's not a doug! not an ounce of doug on it! don't the democrats have anyone else who can tap into that cool obama swagger? >> please welcome senate majority leader chuck schumer. ♪ ♪ >> jordan: no, no.

that's a doug. that is a doug. i'm sorry, but when you see these two up on stage, it's very clear that for all the talk democrats have about not looking back, they sure love to live in 2008. and frankly, who can blame them? nobody else in their party can capture their vision of the future, or speak to their values, and perhaps most importantly, nobody else gets under trump's skin in just the right way. >> there is the childish nicknames, the crazy conspiracy theories. this weird obsession with crowd sizes. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: oh. oh. oh, oh. oh, oh. yeah. i see what he did there. yeah, yeah, that's brutal. that's the second time this

summer the secret service has failed to protect trump from a lethal attack. [cheers and applause] for more on the dick joke heard round the bean, let's go live to ronny chieng. ronny! [cheers and applause] ronny, i got to say, if you get online or on tv, everyone is talking about that dick joke. >> that's right, jordan. that's the new democratic messaging. "weird" is out. "trump's got a small penis" is in. >> jordan: oh, okay. so that's it? they're not using "weird" anymore? >> no, no. sorry for the confusion. it's both. his penis is small and weird. >> jordan: oh, okay, all right. [cheers and applause] so that's it? no policy? it's just going to be immature innuendo from now on? >> yes, the dick jokes are a

major attack line and they're only going to get bigger. [cheers and applause] then smaller, then after a brief refractory period of up to 15 minutes, huge again. [cheers and applause] so right now, it's just a hand gesture. next week, they're going to say "the border wall isn't the only thing trump can't get up." [cheers and applause] and by election night, obama's going to be like, "this guy's dick is small!" >> jordan: okay, but so what? trump will just deny it. >> jordan, that's not going to be enough. obama knows this game plan. he's going to say "prove it! show us the girth certificate!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i would be careful, ronny. trump might actually whip out his genitals. >> if he does, that would be a

micro-aggression. [airhorn] see how easy this is? it's not hard at all. just like trump's penis. [airhorn] [cheers and applause] >> jordan: okay, look, i don't think it's going to be effective to ignore policy and just accuse your opponents of having small dicks. i mean, whatever happened to "when they go low, we go high"? >> oh, yeah, whatever happened to that brilliant 2016 strategy that totally worked out for them? face it, jordan. taking the moral high ground doesn't work anymore. just like trump's dick! [airhorn] >> jordan: great political discourse. ronny chieng, everybody. when we come back, we try to interview tim walz. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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oh... ok! (♪♪) [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." we're just a few miles away from the convention here in chicago and all the democratic stars. and our grace kuhlenschmidt went over to try to interview one of the biggest. >> i came to the convention with

a dream: to interview tim walz, also known as america's dad. >> this is america's dad. "big data energy. >> big dad energy. >> unfortunately, america's dad seems to be a very difficult interview to get. >> governor walz! governor walz! governor walz is doing his best job ignoring me. >> if i was going to catch tim walz, i needed to lure him in with a trap that dad could not resist. >> can anyone help me with this type for my bait? does anyone know how to use a stud finder? does anyone know how to fill out a baseball scoresheet by hand? does anyone want this copy of "rudy" on blu-ray? come on! i know you want it! and now we wait.

[laughs] who are you most excited to hear talk today? >> really looking forward to seeing barack obama. >> you are cute. do you happen to have a convertible you could recklessly drive me around in? hope no one is in earshot. might want to put the foot down and stop this ill-advised road map. ♪ ♪ [laughs] leading up to a bengay and a beer. i laid a trap for tim walz. i will flip a cigarette unless someone stops me. hope no one catches me, makes me smoke the whole pack to learn a lesson. i am going absolutely crazy now! oh, jeez. [laughs] oh, my god! i just got a ticket to oberoi arbors and cover band! does anyone want it? anyone know if there is an l.l. bean nearby? i don't know if i will get to the voting booth this year.

i don't know how to drive stick. is there anyone here who can teach me? downtrodden and deflated, i have one last idea. anyone around here dealt with this fire extinguisher is up to code? >> i see the 2024 here. i say february. >> are you tim walz? >> no. >> later, man. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: thank you, grace. when we come back, governor wes moore will be joining me on the show. don't go away! [cheers and applause] your wyndham is waiting...

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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the democratic governor of maryland. please welcome governor wes moore! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> wow. >> jordan: that is the midwest love. >> this must be a democratic audience in here. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i don't know. we can check on that. i'm not sure. >> [laughs] >> jordan: wes, let me get this straight. you are a rhodes scholar, a college football athlete, an army combat veteran, nonprofit ceo, and a governor of maryland. [cheers and applause]

fair to say the most impressive resume on linkedin? >> [laughs] i don't know, man. i haven't seen yours yet. >> jordan: people like improv teacher for ten years, then they will be very impressed. >> [laughs] >> jordan: you are speaking tonight at the convention. >> i am speaking tonight. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: yes. i'm curious what you have seen i'm also curious about watching this couple who the audiences for the dnc? >> i think a lot of the audience is going to be, for me, it is the people who are the disaffected. it is the people who are, when we say people who are undecided, and it's not even just the people who are undecided between vice president kamala harris and donald trump. it's the people who are undecided if they are going to go out to the polls. i tell you, this is actually very personal because when i ran for governor, i had some family members who i had to convince to vote for me. >> jordan: really? >> real talk. it's not that i'm not cool in my

family -- >> jordan: that might be it. >> that might be a little bit of it. >> jordan: if you were cool with your family, it might be easier. >> but i had to convince them to vote. i don't come from a political family. i don't come from a political background. that is not something -- like, i had members of my family who were like, oh, man, election day was last week? but that's real. i think that is real for a lot of folks. i think that the demo that we've got to speak to are the ones, frankly, who still hold a measure of skepticism in their heart, who look at the history of this country and say, you know what, this country hasn't always been fair, and we have to be honest and look at them and say, you are right. to say, the history of this country has been uneven, and you have to look at them and say, spot on. however -- [cheers and applause] however, we do have to be clear, that you can hold that skepticism in your heart and you should, but that does not mean disengage.

because the people -- [cheers and applause] some of the greatest patriots that we have had in our history are people who actually understood the measure of brokenness that we had in our politics and who still showed up every day and fought for a better country. [cheers and applause] that is what we need. >> jordan: governor wes moore. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ stains happen to the best of us. i bet carl lewis doesn't get tomato sauce on his jacket.

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your wyndham is waiting... because after crushing yesterday's meeting... ...you deserve a little me time. with 24 trusted brands by wyndham to choose from, your wyndham is waiting. get the lowest price at wyndhamhotels.com [cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. join us tomorrow for the final night of the dnc when we go live at 11:30 with your host, jon stewart. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> obama, the crying polarization of the country did make a you know what joe. >> with obama because he is so classy, it seemed really funny to make the anatomy joke. >> officially talking about crowd sizes but it was clearly something else underneath it.

>> you know what he was doing. he was being slick right there. he was being slick right there. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪