all of them. or what? or i'm telling your mom. tasha, hey. i thought about what you said, and i'll go to church with you sometime. i'm so glad, chris. first we've got to get you rebaptized. uh, mm-hmm. you really think she's good for chris? nope. but at least he won't bring home no babies. in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost. wait. we're doing this now? ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. kamala harris faces a mcflurry of questions, donald trump declares war on furniture, and we'll have a live performance from raye! [cheers and applause] let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] we are just 40 days away from the election, which means it's time to start working on that insurrection body! both kamala harris and donald trump gave campaign speeches on the economy today. kamala laid out her priorities for the middle class, while donald trump promised to bring back north carolina's manufacturing jobs.

and he wasn't dramatic about it at all. >> all of your furniture makers are going to come back and come back bigger and stronger and better than ever before. they're mostly gone. they're all coming back. this is why people in countries want to kill me. >> desi: that's why people want to kill trump? does he think ikea issued a fatwa on him? although fatwa is my favorite ikea bookshelf, o say. now, in her speech, kamala was emphasizing her middle class roots, while in his speech, trump was saying, "nuh-uh!" >> she never worked at mcdonald's. it was a fake story. it was a fake story. she said she worked at mcdonald's and she didn't. it was a lie.

she never worked at mcdonald's over the hot french fries. i think i'm going to a mcdonald's in two weeks actually. >> desi: did trump just talk himself into getting hungry? "she never worked over the piping hot fries, so crispy and salty. each bite a perfect -- we should go to mcdonald's! let's go to mcdonald's!" so trump's new conspiracy theory is that kamala harris never worked at mcdonald's when she was young. which to him is basically stolen valor. "how dare you disrespect our men and women in uniform! those people served with honor and with extra ketchup packets if you ask." and yes, it's ridiculous that trump is asking to see kamala's burger certificate. this isn't the kind of thing you would lie about, it's not like... sex with a porn star while your wife is pregnant.

[audience reacts] [cheers and applause] but look, i get why he's suspicious. if she had ever worked at any mcdonald's between the years 1960 and last week, he probably would have seen her. or maybe this whole thing is just a ploy for him to get free food. "you worked at mcdonald's? prove it. make me seven big macs!" but look, here's the thing: trump and kamala weren't supposed to be doing this stuff today. originally, there was another debate scheduled for tonight. and "the daily show" would be broadcasting live. but there was no debate, and we -- we're not live. in fact as you're watching this right now, i'm already at home in bed, watching videos about how bad it is to look at your phone in bed. and now, it's looking more and more likely that the first trump-harris debate was also the last. because while kamala keeps saying she's down for a rematch, trump wants no part of it.

>> the problem with another debate is that it's just too late. voting has already started. it's too late to do another. i'd love to in many ways, but it's too late. the voting is cast. [boos] >> desi: i'm sorry, it's too late! i'd love to have my ass handed to me for another two hours, but there's just no time! there is no time. [cheers and applause] i can't blame the guy. people don't typically volunteer for a second beat down. drake's not going to kendrick, like, "hey, we should beef again! send me some dates!" get it on my calendar. but then again, there's only 40 days until the election. there is no time to lose, which is why trump is working overtime to make his final sales pitch. and it's not the one you think. >> hello, everyone. i have something incredible to share today.

we are announcing the launch of trump coins, a true symbol of american greatness. each coin comes with a certificate of authenticity with my signature to ensure you have purchased a real trump coin. i've seen a lot of coins out there using my very beautiful face, very beautiful guy. i'm only kidding. >> desi: "i'm only kidding." apparently there are some lies even trump can't stand by. but trump is right, there are a lot of different trump coins floating around out there, and you don't want to be scammed by some grifter's fake coin. you want to be scammed by donald trump's fake coin. and that's why trump's coin comes with a "certificate of authenticity." which authentically certifies that you should not be in charge of your family's finances. [cheers and applause] now if he was just peddling this coin, i would understand, what

with all the legal bills he has to pay for the fraud and the sexual assault, and all the big macs. but this is just the latest in a long line of junk he's been hawking all campaign season. >> by popular demand, i am doing a new series of trump trading cards. these cards show me dancing and even me holding some bitcoins. >> the launch of world liberty financial. we are embracing the future with crypto. >> i'm proud to endorse and encourage you to get this bible. >> hello to my fellow patriots. we have some very big news. my new book, "save america" published by winning team publishing. >> we're going to remember sneaker con. that's the real deal. >> each physical card has a piece of my suit that i wore for the presidential debate. >> so they just came out with this t-shirt, which is really pretty spectacular. and it's selling like hotcakes. >> desi: yeah, so trump is selling a lot of stuff. and keep in mind, this is all in

the middle of a campaign season. is it me or does it seem like may be like his true passion is this? like, healthcare, he only has a "concept" of a plan. bible hawking, he has a whole warehouse ready to go! in fact, donald, why don't you just do this and, you know, do this and forget about the whole presidency thing. [cheers and applause] this is what you are good at. if it helps, you can sell a commemorative coin from when you retired from politics! i'd buy that! [cheers and applause] oh, sorry, what was that? trump just came out with a new product? well, let's check it out! ♪ ♪ >> hello, it is your favorite president, donald j. trump. over the years, you have bought my coins come on my shoes, pieces of my suit.

and it made me wonder. is there anything you won't buy? introducing, trump spunk. i'm the first president in american history to drain his own swamp into tiny little bottles, very tiny, and pass them on to you by the american people. look at that. that is my snake sauce. isn't that fantastic? each vial is personally hand cranked by yours truly, the greatest american president. they say my patriotic splooge is better than lincoln's, the crime of della crime. you can use trump spunk for anything. a charm on a friendship bracelet, incredible glaze for your easter ham or to propose to that special someone. you can add water and make your own eric. i wouldn't recommend it. every vial of trump spunk is guaranteed to be 90% of my man powder. i don't know where the rest came from. and for a limited time only,

each vial of my tadpole yogurt is only $29.99. act now and get a limited edition capsule of the j6 juice that was graded while i was watching the capitol riots. so wonderful. trump spunk. it is worth a shot. limited two per customer. i am not a machine. [cheers and applause] >> desi: well, that was gross! when we come back, raye will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a singer-songwriter whose debut album earned her a record-breaking six brit awards. her new live concert album is called "live at montreux jazz festival." please welcome raye! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to the show! >> thank you so much for having me. i did a couple of star trump's just to get into the vibe. i'm out of breath. >> desi: a couple of star

jumps. >> you call them jumping jacks in america. >> desi: i'm now calling them star jumps for the rest of my life. that is so much better than "jumping jacks." [applause] brits do everything better. it is just the way it is. congratulations on all of your success. you just swept the brit awards with a record six awards including best album. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> desi: how did that feel? what does that mean to you? >> honestly, i think the night got more and more blurry and more a more emotional as the night went on. [laughs] the album was the last one. [laughs] i just was crying, sobbing. it is all blurry. i have watched it back again and i got to bring my grandma on stage which was the most beautiful moment. >> desi: oh! >> she is everything to me. aw! [applause] >> desi: she must be so proud of you. >> she is, yeah. >> desi: that is incredible.

you know, the americans are completely obsessed with british artists. charli xcx, you, harry styles, adele. are you all impressed with americans at all? you can be honest. >> [laughs] i don't know what to say back to that. >> desi: it's okay. >> we love americans. come on. go, americans. [laughter] [applause] >> desi: we need to do more star jacks. star jumps. you come, you mentioned your grandma, you come from a very musical family. your sister is a singer-songwriter. your grandfather was a songwriter. you grew up singing in the church choir. how has all of that influenced you as a musician? >> i don't know. i think the thing with music is when it gets you, it really gets you, do you know what i mean? and i was so young when i just decided, like, this was plan a. there was no plan b. i'm going to be a musician or

die trying. so my entire life has just been that pursuit of music and i started as a songwriter, got my foot in the door. it has been, yeah, it has been not the simplest journey behind the scenes, you know what i mean. but we made it. so far, so good. got big dreams, big plans come heading there. >> desi: is that what you did? you started out as a songwriter, wrote songs for beyonce, for john legend, four kylie minogue. how was it, last year you put out independently your solo album. how did that feel to do that and what was the music writing process like for you writing for yourself versus for another artist? >> do you know, it was such a liberating thing. and i have been an a record label for quite a while and it was a tricky time. for me, albums are everything. everything is becoming a lot shorter. all of our attention spans, including myself, just getting shorter and shorter. for me, albums are just essentially important and will never die and i really believe in the album.

getting to make my own one was a really beautiful experience and then on top of that, getting to be recognized and listen to. it is opened so many doors. it has blown my mind. a lot of people thought that i would never have success as an artist, do you know what i mean? so it is also so vindicating to be able to prove to myself that they were all chatting rubbish. [cheering and laughter] >> desi: you earned it! you have earned it! 1 of the things i appreciate so much about your music and that i think sets you apart from so many other artists is the way that you juxtapose these big, sort of joyful, big band, jazzy music along with lyrics that are really raw and vulnerable and about very serious issues. you talk about body dysmorphia, you talk about mental health, sexual assault. how do you even begin building

music around those lyrics? >> well, you know, i do think music is medicine. i always say that. i think, even sitting here and talking to you about these sort of heavier subjects, i get nervous, i don't really know how to address it or what to say. i think music is a safe space to kind of the raw and honest and that is my safe space. that is my therapy. yeah, i think there's a lot of us who are really broken and a lot of us who are hurting and a lot of us are deal with things we don't know exactly how to speak about or express even with the people that we love. i think music is a safe space to do that, to find healing or talk about it or just process it. that was really important to me as an independent artist. i just wanted to be honest about those things you are quiet about, you know? >> desi: you've talked a lot about imposter syndrome. >> yeah. [laughs] >> desi: experiencing that. is that something that you still think about, even with this amount of success that you have reached? >> oh, yeah. [laughter] you know what, i am just more

of, like, i'm quite chatty and just hang out, do you know what i mean? when you get put in these kind of fancy environments like the met gala for instance, i was just like, what am i doing here? so i guess, you do kind of feel like that. i don't necessarily feel like that is a bad thing. i think the kind of music i want to continue to greet them of the person i always want to be a someone who is just like, do you know they mean, normal. not being fancy, i suck at being fancy, even though the stress is very fancy. >> desi: -- [laughter] [applause] >> desi: you are going to be performing your song "genesis" for us tonight. and within that, you explore all of these different topics. you talk a lot about the dangers of social media, mental health, anxiety. you explore all of these radiating topics. what was so important to you about covering all of those themes in this one song?

>> well, i don't know. like i was kind of thing before, i feel like it is easy to blush over and gloss over the truth and for us to all be -- we are kind of stuck in these algorithms and it is all like "self-love, self-love, everything is great and everything is fine" but it is just not the reality at all. i spent 5 minutes on social media and my head starts to spin out. i've actually had to come off it completely. i made them change my passwords. i can't even login. someone hands me my phone and i'm like, i have 4 minutes. i leave it because it is really bad for me and i can't be the only one who feels that way. >> desi: that is brilliant. >> i wanted to make a song. it's a seven minute long song. i'm sorry, i am only doing the really sad parts on here. >> desi: that works for us. >> [laughs] so it is going to be quite depressing, starts out, gets quite angry, that it goes live. i don't know, it is just art and music, it is on this. it was tough to write, it is very raw. i'm proud of it. that is what matters most i think, yeah.

[cheers and applause] >> desi: you have a lot to be proud of. you should be very proud of yourself and we are proud to have you here at this show. so thank you so much for coming on. "live at montreux jazz festival" is available now and be sure to stay tuned for a special performance after the break. [cheers and applause] raye, everybody! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ”hand me downs” by citizen ♪ bella: siri. what's the name of the guy i had a meeting with a couple months ago at cafe grenel? siri: you met zac wingate at cafe grenel. zac: hey... bella: zac! zac: oh wow, i didn't think you'd remember me. bella: yeah of course, as soon a i saw you i'm like,

it's zac, nobody walks like zac. zac: [laughs] ♪ “genius” by krizz kaliko ♪ ♪ i am genius (whoaaa) ♪ thursday night football on prime. it's on. ready to have some fun? yeah, let's do it. the dallas cowboys take on the new york giants, as thursday night football is on. going deep! touchdown! it's dak prescott and the boys facing an old rival, -let's go! -the g-men you're not getting this anywhere else. stream thursday night football. only on prime.

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camilla tried the new scent of gain relax flings and it changed everything. (♪♪) hey dave, don't knock it 'til you smell it. new gain relax flings. >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." now to perform her song "genesis," please welcome back raye! [cheers and applause] >> ♪ they say the twenties are the best years of your life ♪ ♪ but i seem to be spending mine missing sunsets ♪ ♪ 'cause i'm so busy on my phone observing everyone else ♪ ♪ how i compare and obsess ♪

♪ just me, my phone, and these walls ♪ ♪ and i've been sober for some months ♪ ♪ but i can feel the demons waiting on my downfall ♪ ♪ since i'm so ugly and irrelevant ♪ ♪ i've been losing friends as if i'm tryna get rid of them ♪ ♪ i googled why i'm still desperate for validation and sedatives, huh ♪ ♪ callin' men who don't give a about me ♪ ♪ then when my mother called i pretend i'm busy ♪ ♪ i'm tryna end up anywhere except from where i been ♪ ♪ curtains closed, bed bound, amphetamines ♪ ♪ mmm, and this devil on my shoulder, man, i'm tryna to shake him off ♪ ♪ my ex is on my timeline, it's as if he's showing off ♪ ♪ my self-esteem is facetune and ring lights ♪ ♪ my ego is conquering new heights ♪ ♪ i think i need some ♪ ♪ think i need some ♪ ♪ do you need some? ♪ ♪ do you need some? ♪ ♪ don't we all need some ♪ ♪ we all need some ♪ ♪ light? ♪ ♪ da-da-da, da-da-da ♪ ♪ i think i need some ♪ ♪ i lied, i don't think i ♪ ♪ know i need some ♪ ♪ i need some light ♪ ♪ to feel all right ♪

♪ i see a sad little sinner in the mirror ♪ ♪ the devil works hard like my liver ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be alive, but i don't wanna die ♪ ♪ a fistful of pills, you're a nobody ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah ♪ ♪ so let there be light ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah ♪ ♪ bang-bang, that's depression at the door again ♪ ♪ you know he'll beat the door down till you let him in the room ♪ ♪ since you are already acquainted, you skip the foreplay ♪ ♪ he grips you at the neck as you prepare to be screwed ♪ ♪ you try to muster a flare, to tell somebody you're sinking ♪ ♪ but anxiety is an index finger pressed to your lips ♪ ♪ a whiskey bottle, it whispers, since you're already bitter ♪ ♪ a cocktail fit for a quitter, "come here and give me a kiss" ♪ ♪ i see a sad little sinner in the mirror ♪ ♪ the devil works hard like my liver ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be alive, but i don't wanna die ♪

♪ a fistful of pills and rivers in my eyes ♪ ♪ i've got nothin' left to lose, dear god in the sky ♪ ♪ hear my cry, hear my cry ♪ ♪ when it's too dark to see ♪ ♪ let there be light, let there be light ♪ ♪ let there be light ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah ♪ ♪ so let there be light ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ yes, i edit my pictures to make my waist look slimmer ♪ ♪ and make my ass look bigger so that i'm someone you aspire to ♪ ♪ let me in your algorithm, please ♪ ♪ i know i'll only be important if i'm someone you would like, follow, share, and subscribe to ♪ ♪ if you're thirsty like me ♪ ♪ mix some pity with some self-hate ♪ ♪ stir it up, then add twelve ounces of rose ♪ ♪ that's how i make the glass half-empty and drink it down ♪ ♪ beneath the curse words and the insecurities ♪ ♪ here lies a sorry little soul ♪ ♪ and she doesn't even know what to pray for ♪ ♪ still just a heart-broke bitch ♪

♪ but i traded the back of the nightclub, i did, for the bathroom floor ♪ ♪ i wish i could call my ex ♪ ♪ he would know just what to say ♪ ♪ he don't say nothing at all now ♪ ♪ the only thing i rely on him to do is stay declining my calls now ♪ ♪ i see a sad little sinner in the mirror ♪ ♪ the devil works hard, like my liver ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be alive, but i don't wanna die ♪ ♪ a fistful of pills and rivers in my eyes ♪ ♪ i've got nothin' left to lose, dear god in the sky ♪ ♪ hear my cry, hear my cry ♪ ♪ so when it's too dark to see ♪ ♪ let there be light, let there be light ♪ ♪ let there be light ♪ ♪ little girls that have no self-esteem ♪ ♪ a little boy without a father tries to find him in the streets ♪ ♪ a girl i used to walk to school with ♪ ♪ took her life, now rest in peace ♪ ♪ fake democracy, killing overseas ♪ ♪ killing ourselves, suicide ♪ ♪ government lies, discrimination ♪ ♪ hating ourselves ♪ ♪ why hope? why keep going? why try? ♪ ♪ genesis one, verse three, i'll dry my eyes ♪

♪ the only thing which darkness cannot coexist is the light ♪ ♪ i see a sad little sinner in the mirror ♪ ♪ the devil works hard like my liver ♪ ♪ i don't wanna be alive, but i don't wanna die ♪ ♪ a fistful of pills and rivers in my eyes ♪ ♪ i've got nothin' left to lose, dear god in the sky ♪ ♪ hear my cry, would you hear my cry? ♪ ♪ when it's too dark to see ♪ ♪ let there be light, let there be light ♪ ♪ let there be light ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪♪

yo, can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (yes, you can!) can i kick it? ¿qué? (what?) can i play? ¡ah, sí tú puedes! (yes, you can!) can i kick it? (¡sí tú puedes!) can i kick it? can i kick it? can i try? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!) welp the gang's all here, let's hit the road. it's your last chance to get the disney+ blockbuster offer! (gasp) $1.99 a month for 3 months of disney+. that's a great idea. get the hottest shows, great... you can say that again. biggest movies, ready?! hit it! and most epic events. what happens next? it's your last chance to get 3 months of disney+ for $1.99 a month. join me. with the disney+ blockbuster offer. ( ♪♪)

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facing an old rival, -let's go! -the g-men you're not getting this anywhere else. stream thursday night football. only on prime. brisket is back at chipotle. seasoned. smoked. seared. spiced. sauced. bowl'd. and guac'd. it's a whole new kind of brisket done the chipotle way. >> desi: that's our show for tonight. but before we go, this election season, we are working with head count to make sure that you and your friends are good to vote. had to vote vote vote.com to make sure you are ready to vote. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> but what about kamala specifics? >> people like to have a connection to whoever is running for office, that they share their experience, that they

understand their lives, and i think that is what she is establishing. >> [laughs] wait a second. she actually said her policy is a connection. joijoining us now, florida congresswoman. great to see you tonight. great to see you tonight. - life is a test. my biggest test was an actual test, the ged, the test you take if you mess up in high school. it's like an academic morning-after pill. i decided to drop out because i was taking three buses to a white school, where a redhead would beat my black ass. but with the ged, i could get a good job and start fresh. so i couldn't wait to get my test results. what's it say? - you failed. - what? - boy, i'ma slap you into animation. - ow. [car horns honk] oh. [gasps] good lord. - do you know how hard it is to fail the ged?

i have an uncle who can't read clocks. and he has two geds. - i can't believe you slapped me. - i can't believe you made me throw my back out. - that's my mom, rochelle. her test was making sure her kids succeeded by any beatings necessary. - this dinner was supposed to be a celebration. we're using up our back-to-school money to pay for it. - that's my father, julius. his test was growing up poor. so he knew the cost of everything. - get your own money, fly. - hey. - excuse me, my son failed his ged. and i'd like to return his food. he only ate 4 cent worth of fries. - so does this mean i'm the smart one now? - you're eating a straw. - cool. - that's my brother drew. everyone thought i was his younger brother. he never worried about tests because the only thing greater than white privilege is hot privilege. - daddy, since chris failed, does that mean it's ok for us to drop out, smoke crack, and become strippers? - [chuckles] no, baby.