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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  September 30, 2024 11:00pm-12:00am PDT

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- [screams] - niagara falls in october? hells yeah! - do you think that you could send in your rsvp card? - no, i'll just tell you now. easier. - well, you have to choose a food option, and there's information in there about directions and lodging. - i'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs, and i'll just get all the other information the day of. i'll text you. - you're going to text me the morning of my wedding to ask for directions? - right. - and you will eat whatever is fanciest? - unless there's ribs. - rude. - so rude, right? - mm-hmm. - oh, my gosh. - i have been chasing people down all day. it's incredible. - pam, my bag was there. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jon stewart! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]
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♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show!" [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. we've got a fabulous show for you tonight. first, of all, let's go, mets! [cheers and applause] second of all, ta-nehisi coates is going to be joining us later to talk about his book, "the message"! but new york, finally getting back to normal traffic-wise. the u.n. general assembly is over -- and by the way, what a successful general assembly it was. the world just exploding with peace right now.
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great session, guys. now that the assembly's gone, new york is getting ready for its next big event: the vice presidential debate tomorrow. and honestly, i'm not even going to watch it, because i already know who i'm voting for vice-president-wise. but president, i'm still undecided. so here's the thing, as an undecided, it's basically me and six people who were kicked in the head by very powerful horses. i've been leaning toward kamala harris, because of her impressive resume and ability to switch from indian to black like that. [cheers and applause] like that! and if we were doing this show 15 years ago, i would probably be doing the voices.
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it was a long time ago. but on the other hand, about kamala harris, i've also been hearing some very concerning things about her. >> she's come under some criticism for being relatively vague in her policy proposals. >> they don't have enough specifics on the solutions. >> when she tried to explain what she would do, it made no sense. it's gibberish. >> the public demands a detailed plan of action and they are not getting it from her. >> jon: we demand it! if there is one thing that the american public demands, it is a detailed plan of -- ooh, "the golden bachelorette!" [cheers and applause] i hope they selected candidates who live nearby because old people are not known to want to change their lives.
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anyway, back to the point. the point is, harris speak gibberish! because she's part-indian, part-black, and part-gibber! if kamala harris dissolves into gibberish every time she is asked for specific policies, then i dare say she will not earn my completely irrelevant new jersey vote. >> i will get rid of unnecessary degree requirements for federal jobs. >> low and no interest loans to small businesses. >> expand the tax deduction for startups to $50,000. >> $6,000 in tax relief to families during the first year of a child's life. >> capital gains will be 28%. >> jon: excuse me! but as americans, we demanded a detailed plan of action, not random numbers. you have left the door wide open, lady!
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because clearly, donald aloisious trump would not trifle with america in that manner. >> what are the specific mechanics of how prices come down, you know, the steps that would be taken in a second term for you? >> jon: ooh! [cheers and applause] good question. mr. trump, what is your detailed plan of action for bringing down prices? and i believe i'll mark your responses on this handy dandy chart. [cheers and applause] i already have my --
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[laughter] i'll have my pen ready all the way over here at the top of specificity and make-sense-itude. begin! >> first of all, she can't do an interview. she could never do this interview, because you ask questions, like, give me a specific answer. she talks about her lawn when she was growing up. this woman is not equipped to be president. [laughter] [applause] [cheers and applause] >> jon: i guess i have the wrong chart. the question, sir, was specific to "how are you going to bring down inflation?" and your answer so far is "huh?"
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but perhaps i cut you off unfairly. >> she's unequipped to deal with president xi, who i was very -- of dollars with him and putin. we had no war with putin, remember, and i'm just going to go off just for this -- with bush they took a lot, russia, with biden, they're trying to take everything. with obama, they took a lot. with trump, russia took nothing. just remember that. >> jon: huh! [cheers and applause] but you know what, maybe he didn't want to talk about his inflation policy since economists say it would make
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inflation worse, which, you know, is the wrong direction. let's give trump a second chance. >> if you win in november, can you commit to prioritizing legislation to make childcare affordable and, if so, what specific piece of legislation will you advance? >> jon: oh, that's a fabulous question. children need childcare, whether it's a nanny or duct taped to a chair with an ipad. but it costs money! obviously, duct tape and ipads and in-app purchases. >> well, i would do that and we're sitting down. you know, i was -- somebody -- we had senator marco rubio and my daughter, ivanka, was so impactful on that issue. it's a very important issue, but i think when you talk about the kind of numbers that i'm talking about that -- because -- look, childcare is childcare.
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[laughter] >> jon: huh? now we could let the tape continue, where he says we will pay for childcare with the trillions we're going to receive by levying tariffs on foreign nations, which apparently isn't how that works. but [bleep] it, one more. >> political opponents are saying that you want to ban ivf. those who are watching here tonight, who may be going through this same struggle and are concerned about being able to have this option, i would love for you to talk to them about how they should feel. >> life is pretty tough. it can be beautiful, but it can be difficult. we are doing something with ivf,
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because ivf, as you know, from friends and people you know, it's really worked out well for a lot of people. it gave them a child when they would not have had a child. and i told my people i wanted to look at this a couple weeks ago. and as you know, we have no taxes on a thing called tips. you know that. [laughter and cheering] >> jon: what the actual [bleep] are you talking about? "how do you want people to feel about ivf?" "i have no taxes on a thing
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called tips." you know what, i do actually see the connection. i get it now. so you see, ivf fertilizes an egg with sperm. and sperm comes from a penis, and a penis has a tip. [cheers and applause] so i can only assume donald trump is talking about circumcision, which jews call a tax on tips. all right, let's move on. [cheers and applause] clearly, what people like about donald trump is not his clear, specific policies as they demand from kamala harris. but hey, i'm still open, i'm an undecided voter, because of the horse thing to my brain. let's hear some of trump's passionate supporters explain what they see as his strengths. >> he has really become the candidate of the working man, of the everyman. >> president trump cares deeply about rig workers, truck drivers, roughnecks. >> he worked with plumbers and
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electricians. he worked with painters and bricklayers. >> president trump is the best friend american workers have ever had in the white house. >> jon: he's our best friend! donald trump is the champion of hardworking men and women! he's behind every kind of worker, from auto to sex. [cheers and applause] the kind of people -- donald trump is behind the kind of people who have to work overtime to pay the bills. >> i know a lot about overtime. i hated to give overtime. i hated it. i'd get other people -- i shouldn't say this -- but i get other people in. i wouldn't pay. i hate it. [boos] >> jon: [laughs] you're right, you shouldn't have said that! you shouldn't have said it at all. because you're admitting to [bleep] people over who worked for you. i mean, it's funny! but it undercuts the working
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man's friend thing. well, that's fine, you don't want to give them overtime, but it's not like you think it's funny to fire them when they complain about something like not getting overtime. >> you -- you're the greatest cutter. i mean, i look at what you do. you walk in. you just say, you want to quit? they go on strike. i won't mention the name of the company, but they go on strike. and you say, that's okay, you're all gone. you're all gone. so every one of you is gone. [boos] >> jon: i got to say, every time trump talks about workers, it's like watching "a christmas carol" in reverse. "i just fired these three ghosts who are trying to get me to go overtime!" so the supporting the working man thing is nonsense. what other things do his supporters like about him? >> i think in 65 days the american people are going to vote for president trump because they know he's the guy who will defend their right to speak. >> we are aligned with each other on other key issues, like protecting freedom of speech.
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>> jon: okay, i get it now. that's not a policy case for trump; it's a principle case for trump. the man, no matter what is said about him, believes in the bill of rights! the constitution! the government should never punish speech, even if you don't like it! >> mr. trump saying publicly the fcc should revoke abc's license over unfounded claims about abc news allegedly rigging the presidential debate. >> former president trump says that he will deport students who participate in pro-palestinian protests. >> donald trump said that anyone who criticizes the supreme court justices should be arrested and jailed. >> donald trump, earlier today, said you burn the american flag, you should get a year behind bars. >> during the 2024 campaign, trump has been, quote, "venting about the need to punish late-night comedians" for their anti-trump material. [laughter and cheering]
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>> jon: isn't being on basic cable at 11:00 p.m. punishment enough? all right, so we know the policy thing about free speech and the hero of the working class thing all bullshit. but i'm still open! you just got to give me something i can work with! >> he is an anti-war guy, >> he is going to get us out of these endless wars. >> president trump believes the next four years, we need no new wars. >> jon: first of all, i didn't know max headroom still had a show. but still! anti-war! i am anti-war! i am absolutely behind that sentiment! >> if i were the president, i would inform the threatening country, in this case, iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to
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blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. we're going to blow it to smithereens. you can't do that. >> jon: [laughs] that's just -- that is -- war with iran? the middle east doesn't count. we've been bombing them for 40 years. they love it! okay, forget about ideals, forget about policies. what are the personal qualities you're voting for? >> people just like that that honesty of donald trump. he tells it like it is. >> a man of his word. >> he's a truth teller. >> jon: are you [bleep] kidding me right now? [cheers and applause] are you -- are you -- are you [bleep] kidding me right now? he is a truth teller? >> they're eating the dogs. >> jon: oh, and by the way! >> they're eating the cats.
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>> jon: anything else? >> they're eating the pets of the people that live there. >> jon: ♪ meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ meow, meow, meow ♪ ♪ of the people that live there ♪ am i the only [bleep] on tiktok? no? nobody else? [cheers and applause] my wife sent me that, like, ten times! and so we find ourselves, not in a dilemma, but in a bit of a conundrum. the qualities and policies that people profess to be what they admire and love about former president trump don't seem to be an accurate reflection of said former president! it's as though they've created a fictional character, a bizarro-trump, whose accomplishments and character
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bear little resemblance to the self-aggrandizing, perpetual victim guy he continues to tell you explicitly that he is! it makes you wonder, what country does donald trump think he is running to lead? >> our cities have already become hellholes. a crime-ridden, gang-infested, terror-filled dumping ground. >> bloodshed, chaos, and violent crime. >> a deluge of illegals pouring in by the millions and millions. >> drug dealers, human traffickers. bloodthirsty terrorists, savage gang members. pedophiles, stone cold killers. >> you can't walk across the street to get a loaf of bread, you get shot. >> teenagers cut to shreds. >> they'll walk into your kitchen. they'll cut your throat. [cheers and applause]
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>> jon: oh, wait. i see! this fictional trump, who is portrayed as much better than he actually is, is running to be president of a country he paints as much worse than it actually is. but i got to tell you, whatever country that is, where families are routinely murdered several times while making breakfast, could really use actual donald trump. the rest of us? not so much. when we come back, ta-nehisi coates will be here. don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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as a prosecutor, i never asked a victim or a witness: 'are you a republican or a democrat?' the only thing i ever asked them: 'are you ok?' and that's the kind of president we need right now — someone who cares about you and is not putting themselves first. i intend to be a president for all americans, and focus on investing right now in you, the american people. and we can chart a new way forward. i'm kamala harris and i approve this message. brisket is back at chipotle.
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight, a critically acclaimed, best-selling author whose new book is called "the message."
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please welcome back to the program ta-nehisi coates! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: hello! >> hello. >> jon: my friend, you are grappling. this is a book of grappling. >> it is. >> jon: it is reparations, the purpose of art, the purpose of writing, your role, your responsibility, israel, palestine, i can see you don't want to go back to just writing comic books again. >> [laughs] >> jon: what was in you that you thought, i need to take on these big questions, including, what is this for? what is writing for? >> i have come up for a long
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time, had in the back of my head that we do not have a complete understanding of politics. that is to say, we think of politics is what happens inside of a podium booth, you go in and you choose or whatever. but there is a whole entire architecture that happens outside of that voting booth that designs what goes inside of it, what issues are appropriate, frankly, who is human and who is not, and that is the work of stories, movies, television shows, writing, all of that. and being a writer, and this coming out of me talking to my students at howard university at the time, i really, really wanted to address that. so often, i get the question, why should i write? >> jon: say that? >> in general, by the time they get to me, my students are there. but in a lot of times, i am out of the world, what is writing going to do? what is it actually going to change? i want people to understand that writing actually shapes the world around you. >> jon: see, i would've said "basic cable." >> [laughs] somebody has to write the
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scripts! >> jon: exactly right. >> exactly. >> jon: do you grapple with that as a burden or a call to arms? what is, for you, how do you wear it? >> oh, it is exciting. >> jon: it's exciting. >> gets me up in the morning. >> jon: right. >> it pumps my blood. i can't wait. the people -- i've got a friend who is an e.r. doctor. i was texting this morning about everything that was going on. and he disappeared, sorry, a guy just got shot. i am sorry. and i said to him, how beautiful is it to have work that actually matters? you are out there saving people's lives. i'm not an e.r. doctor. but it is a blessing to feel like what i write actually matters in the world. >> jon: right. >> it gives new meaning and purpose. and i kind of wanted to convey that to all the young writers, who hopefully -- >> jon: is inspiration. >> yes. >> jon: your friend ross at work when the guy got shot. >> yes, he was. >> jon: i was like, he was at work? >> he was at work.
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>> jon: you were just talking to him -- >> he was at work. >> jon: that's very good. do you get frustrated -- this is something that i think about sometimes -- that the world he would prefer to see, that the arc of the moral universe bends toward justice and the work of writing is trying to help facilitate that, that it is -- that the arc of moral justice is so resilient against bending, that it is so hard to matter in that form? >> i get sad. >> jon: right. >> there's a lot of moments in there where i was very sad. >> jon: right. >> but at the same time, like i said, it feels me with purpose. i don't know if i would have had a purpose i talked about just a few minutes ago, you know, without that great difficulty. honestly, it feels great to know that if i actually try really, really hard, if i actually work really, really hard to write the best book i possibly can, i could be here talking to you.
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>> jon: you could have written a shitty book and been on here. listen, if that was the case, you didn't have to work nearly as hard. >> [laughs] >> jon: but it is a beautifully felt book. i want to ask you, there is a certain aspect of your career that has really tried to reconcile, not with things in the present, but there are vestiges the structures, racial colleges, politics, slavery, economic injustices, where it mt be the active virus but it is these vestiges of it that still, you know, leach into the ground water and make it toxic and polluted. this book felt a little different in that you were also going into the present. and bringing those lessons with you. and i thought that was a really moving part of the book. >> yeah, that is true, and i guess i'm going to be they want
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to broach this. but it was obviously most active when i was in jerusalem when i was on the west bank. i mean, it was the history, but the history was active, and that was tough. i'm used to going to some slave plantation and saying, yeah, this did happen 150 years ago but here's how you feel the impact. no, it is right now, it is right now. >> jon: so in the book, you take a trip to senegal. >> i do, yes. >> jon: is that in relation to your trip to israel and the west bank, in that same time frame or was that split up? >> it was about -- i think i went -- this would have been september of 2022 to senegal, then, many of '23 to the west bank and to israel. and weirdly enough, they are in conversation with each other. i can't say i intended that. >> jon: that is why i was curious, because there is a music there between the two.
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>> yeah, yeah. no, there is. senegal is very much about me, frankly, investigating the very stories that gave me my name, gave me my identity. and trying to work through that and frankly, not completely working through it by the time i got over there, and i take this trip with this wonderful organization, the palestine festival of literature, and i get over there for five days and i spent another five days with these acts its guys, you know, who had their own political evolution. and this is very weird to say. but as much sympathy as i had for the palestinians, watching zionism in the world, even feeling like, this is wrong, what i'm saying is wrong, i was like, oh, my god, i know how you get here. i know how it happens. i don't mean, i approve of it. but i see, i see how it happens. i totally see how it happens. >> jon: how you see how it happens, because you talk about
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going there, and being moved, is the idea because you have a lie in the book that i think is one of the most powerful, and i want to make sure i get it right. which is, "your oppression will not save you" you." >> yeah. >> jon: and you're right about that in relation to the black experience in america, but also about the jewish experience of the holocaust, as well as in israel. and what did you mean by that? >> i think we would like to think that you go through horrific experience, be at the middle passage, jim crow here, be at the holocaust or the centuries before that a pogroms, oppression, somehow, you will be morally improved coming out of that. you might be. but it is just as likely that you conclude that, in fact, the world is a cold, hard plays, and
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it is a zero-sum game, and what matters is who has the guns and who doesn't. you know? i stand opposed to that. just on principle, period. you know what i mean? but i get how people take that lesson. you know what i mean? i think it is disconcerting for us to feel -- because we feel sympathy for people. i am walking through yad vashem and i am feeling it on a very, very deep level, only to come back here and realize, i was, you know, about a mile away from a massacre of a palestinian village. that is hard to take. >> jon: hey, listen, i am raised and obviously a cultural jewish tradition, and i imagine, if you were to feel like people in the name of your people did some things that you found objectionable, it hits you different. >> yeah, no, it does. and it is not a complete parallel but that is why i wanted to talk a little bit about liberia and that idea.
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i get it, the idea that we will have a state of our own, we will get away from people that did x, y, and z for us, we will have safety there. and yet, then you find yourself enacting systems that, if not, are the same or similar, at least morally, deeply problematic. >> jon: and having to justify them either through threat or the situation or you don't understand. and what i'm wondering is, is not the story in a condensed form of all of us? does, for society to progress, does there also have to be exploitation? do you grapple with this idea that, when we think about anything, whether it is the american story, or the israeli story or any of those, it is stories of empire. whether it was the ottoman empire or the caliphate, it is groups of people living under the grace of a leader who
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controls their lives and can we progress outside of that? do you think about -- is there another way to do this? has there been another way to do this? >> yeah. >> jon: if we shine that light on any country that grew through, won't there be a story of exploitation and mistreatment that we find? maybe not as horrific but we find it. >> yeah. i think, though, we have to guard against the temptation to accept that history is necessarily the limits of who we are as human beings. >> jon: right. >> just because that has been the that way that it necessarily has to be that way. i will, for instance, highlight the underlined role of nationalism and their belief that a nation-state is the way to secure and safeguard a minority. that is a very recent development as a belief system, actually. >> jon: right. >> that is -- >> jon: prior to that, wouldn't that have been tribalism? >> it would have been a pope, it would have been my allegiance is
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x, y, and z. but what i'm saying is, it is not innate in us to say, i am of this ethnicity, we should havea state together and most importantly, we should deny rights people who are not that ethnicity. we don't have to be that way. we don't have to be that way. [applause] >> jon: i always wondered him i can't remember the experiment, but it was, they assigned a class or people with brown hair got privileges. and all of a sudden some of the with blonde hair were like, and then the people with brown hair started to kind of abuse that people with blonde hair. and there was a part of me that thinks, boy, we could solve religious differences and somehow we would go back to killing each other over something else equally as arbitrary, and that, i'm wondering how you get that zero-sum game element that you witnessed upfront coming out of it? because i would like to believe
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that it is not malevolence, but ignorance and fear. >> i think it is a lot of fear. i think it is a lot of anger. >> jon: right. >> i think -- for obvious reasons, you would know better than me. but i sense that a lot of it is the humiliation of the holocaust. i think that is very, very much present. >> jon: right. >> and not feeling, i will never be in that position again, you know? >> jon: sure. "never again." i think the thing that so many jewish people -- are not everybody. look, it is not a monolith either. jewish religion from a jewish culture is certainly not a monolith and there is many other opinions. i think if we start from a baseline of, i would like a safe and secure israel and a safe and secure palestine, and that is my starting point to any argument, and then we are just talking strategy. >> yeah. >> jon: but i think the idea of "never again," you don't -- you try to internalize it, not
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just as a defense kind of dictum. you hope to think of that as "never again" for anyone. >> right, right. >> jon: and that is the part that feels the worst, when you look at it and that way. >> yeah, yeah. >> jon: and i'm curious how you are feeling -- so in africa, i am curious about what you think about this idea of diaspora. >> yeah. >> jon: when people are in diasporas and it carries this weight of, you are lost, you are not in a place where you can -- i don't think italian people who live in america think of them as "i am in a diaspora." they think of themselves "i will take into her." you know what i mean? >> [laughs] >> jon: jewish people, black people, there is this feeling of somehow we are not safe. i feel like that is a dangerous -- that is a dangerous
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thing -- >> but does it not come from being degraded and being made to feel like you are outside of the place that maybe you would like to call home? this is -- >> jon: that's interesting. >> there is a great book "the pity of it all," it's about jews in germany -- >> jon: are you going to make me read something? i'm getting through "breaking bad." >> it's about all these german jews that want to be german. they really, really want to believe in germany. and they get the holocaust. that has to assault your sense of -- the idea that you can somehow be safe. >> jon: and how much, then, does humiliation play a part in all of it, including kind of what has been, what we would consider the modern age version of exploitation and colonialism? even when we think about the regions that you went into, were kind of a post-world war i
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mandate that was drawn, lebanese, syrian, palestine mandate, the french are going to take this, the english are going to take that. i mean, it is, you know, pawns on the board that people are moving around. does that humiliate a region to the point that if we don't address that, we can't get through it? >> yeah, i think so. i think so. i will say that, one of the hard things about that and getting a little too psychological about this -- i spent ten days there. >> jon: so you know it all. [laughter] >> one of the top things, i have to tell you, the perspective of palestinians, and the extent to which their perspective has been pushed so far out of the frame, was incredible. i felt like i was seeing a new world. and that is shameful for me to admit. i'm not bragging about that. it's not because that world wasn't there, that world hasn't been trying to present itself. but i mean, i just wonder how many of these conversations
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would be improved if our media organizations made a concerted effort, whenever they talk about this topic, to ask, do we have anybody palestinian that we have invited? [applause] >> jon: while anyone on the democratic convention floor. >> right. >> jon: i think access to different stories has always been a difficulty for america in general because of that sort of solipsistic worldview. we tend to be slightly narcissistic when it comes to the vision of it. and it is such a necessary thing. i wonder if it really improves that. i mean, here is something that i grapple with. i have known about it forever. friends who have palestinian families who have suffered through it, i have friends in israel who suffered through it, and it sometimes feels as though the only people that benefit are
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the powers that be and all of these good people are so left behind by this weird power structure that we left in place there. >> yeah, yeah. >> jon: and i don't -- you bring up an interesting point, which is, a path forward of reconciling humiliation. and i don't know -- what is the mechanism of that? is there one? and is it w think about south africa and true reconciliation, but is there a mechanism to heal that four people or is it purely self-determination and that is -- >> you know, i don't know. >> jon: well, that's all the time we have. [laughter] "i don't know?" ta-nehisi! >> i don't know. >> jon: i wonder, you bring up such an interesting point, it is a powerful river of emotion. when you say, i can almost not cry talking about it because it is so deeply g gets at the heart
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of our humanity. people just want to be seen and want to be -- >> no, and it is -- one thing i would suggest is, the struggle with those of african americans. i will tell you this from the black perspective. there is great not always spoken shame in the black community over the kind of physical trauma as we have endured. you have to understand, man, every single one of us, every single african american is a child of sexual violence. all of us. there is not a single pure african, african american who came through -- there is an amount of humiliation in that. there is an amount of humiliation and watching -- and i have written about this. films from the '60s and watching these kids in these children's get beaten by the cops. there is humiliation in watching
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today, george floyd, you know, the knee on his neck. a significant part of that is understanding, particularly with the past, these people do not want to be enslaved. these people do not want to get beat. it is not true that these people did nothing. it's not true that these people just willingly went to it. there was a slogan, and a lot of us shouted down, we are not our ancestors, as if to say, we somehow are more resilient and resistant. we are not going to be -- actually, if we had been there, the same thing would have happened. we are no better. we are no braver, you know? >> jon: there is such an analog with the jewish community. and there is, you hear it a lot about the first thing hitler did as he disarmed the jews. the jews were not gone toting [bleep]s. >> [laughs] >> jon: if he had taken our violins, oh, they disarmed the jews and that is how hitler was able to get the jews to do that, oh, you know who had guns and
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didn't do too well with hitler? france. >> [laughs] right, right. >> jon: . you are right, there is not sense of how could you let your people, how could you allow that to happen? and it does skew their perspective. and i can already see your next book. [laughter] where you fix it all! >> [laughs] [cheers and applause] >> jon: it is an amazing thing. and the main thing is -- listen, man, let's not kid ourselves. once you dove into israel and palestine, you're going to take a tunnel shit, it will come from everywhere and i hope you don't wear it personally, but you have drawn the most important thing. >> can i just say one quick thing? >> yes, please. >> it will not measure up to the burdens of what i saw palestinians on the west bank. [cheers and applause] >> jon: that is an excellent point. the only point i was going to make is, through your
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discomfort, albeit not the same discomfort, you have done the most important thing, which is, try to advance and delve into and understanding of the complexity that we have not figured out in 10,000 years. and so i applaud that. and your writing, as always, is so beautiful. so thank you so much. thank you for being here. >> thank you. >> jon: "the message." ta-nehisi coates. we are going to take a quick break! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪♪ this kia turbo-hybrid is built for all the things you've yet to do. like taking a long drive. just to throw a monster tailgate party
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show for tonight! but before we go, let's check in with your host for the rest of the week, michael kosta! michael kosta is here! [cheers and applause] what do we got, michael? >> you know, we've got a big day tomorrow, jon. the vice presidential debate is tomorrow night, and "the daily show" will be airing live, right after it! balls, butthole, dicks, titties. [laughter] >> jon: i'm -- what? >> well, i don't want to let a curse word slip out on live tv, so i'm getting all of my bad words out now. skull[bleep], nutsack, jizz --
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you see, jon, i want tomorrow night to be classy. ass, nipple. [cheers and applause] >> jon: just on a strategic basis, isn't that going to make you more comfortable swearing on tv? >> i think it'll be okay, [bleep]-face. >> jon: michael kosta, everyone. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> migrants that came in illegally that were so vicious, like you have never seen before. if you wanted to do a movie, there is no actor in hollywood that could play the role. there is nobody that could do it. these actors, you know, they are a little bit shaky. they can't play the role. they will bring in a big actor and you look, you say, he's got no muscle. he's got no muscle! we need a little muscle! >> sorry. - life is a test. my biggest test was an actual test,
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the ged, the test you take if you mess up in high school. it's like an academic morning-after pill. i decided to drop out because i was taking three buses to a white school, where a redhead would beat my black ass. but with the ged, i could get a good job and start fresh. so i couldn't wait to get my test results. what's it say? - you failed. - what? - boy, i'ma slap you into animation. - ow. [car horns honk] oh. [gasps] good lord. - do you know how hard it is to fail the ged? i have an uncle who can't read clocks. and he has two geds. - i can't believe you slapped me. - i can't believe you made me throw my back out. - that's my mom, rochelle. her test was making sure her kids succeeded by any beatings necessary. - this dinner was supposed to be a celebration. we're using up our back-to-school money to pay for it. - that's my father, julius. his test was growing up poor.
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so he knew the cost of everything. - get your own money, fly. - hey. - excuse me, my son failed his ged. and i'd like to return his food. he only ate 4 cent worth of fries. - so does this mean i'm the smart one now? - you're eating a straw. - cool. - that's my brother drew. everyone thought i was his younger brother. he never worried about tests because the only thing greater than white privilege is hot privilege. - daddy, since chris failed, does that mean it's ok for us to drop out, smoke crack, and become strippers? - [chuckles] no, baby. - oh, see what you did, chris? set a better example. - [grunts] - tonya was the youngest and my dad's favorite. her test was how she could make my life a living hell. and she got an a every time. - i just wanted to get a fresh start. i can't go back to that school. - maybe this year will be better. - i don't know about that. history doesn't repeat itself. it reboots. and everybody hates a reboot.
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ugh! [upbeat hip-hop music] ♪ ♪ singers: ♪ everybody still hates chris ♪ [vocalizing] - i couldn't believe i failed the ged. i felt like i had no future. i was going to get stuck in bed-stuy, do or die, where i was going to die of embarrassment. back in '87, we didn't have social media. but on my block, at least 87 people knew your business before you got home. - i canceled four hair appointments to make this cake for chris. oh, well. [funky music] - little dude from across the street, i heard you failed your ged. - even our friendly neighborhood con, jerome, was disappointed in me. and he just mugged a baby. - mm, mm, mm. ♪ ♪ - daddy, can i get dance lessons after you
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cut chris off financially? - of course, baby. - cut me off? when did you cut me on? - if you're not going to school, you got to get a job or get out. i can't have your sister and brother thinking it's ok to be a bum. - we can't kick chris out of the house. - because you care so much about me, huh? - no, because you can't do anything. you'll die out there. that's why you're going back to school. - but i missed so much class. they'll make me repeat 10th grade. everyone will think i'm stupid. - if you don't think everyone already thinks you're stupid, you're stupid. - [scoffs] [sighs] - look, chris, that school is our best option so you don't end up on these streets. it's scary out there. crackheads, gangs, that white man in a larry bird jersey. [dramatic musical sting] - [shudders] 10th grade was the worst year of my life, not including the year i had a jheri curl. and now i had to do it all over again. but maybe this was just a new test. i could still get a fresh start by getting fresh clothes from our renter upstairs, mr. omar.
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♪ ♪ - ah, here is a fine, lightly used item at an affordable price. - is this from your funeral home? - that ain't none of your business. that's between me and my dead client. - [groaning] ah, we need a new mattress. this one is messing up my back. - you said that was from slapping chris. - i lied to make him do better in school. it's called parenting, duh. - but we don't have new mattress money. - we haven't slept well in years. you bought this one used off a pimp. it's a pimpropedic. [funky music] - we are not getting a new mattress. - well, then nothing's going to happen on this one. - all right, i'll try to get a third job. - a third job? no, baby. i don't want you working yourself to death. it's ok. i'll get a job. - my mom was great at her jobs. but she was even better at quitting them. - that's it. - ahh. - ooh. i don't need this. my man has two jobs.
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- but don't you want to do some team-building trust falls? - y'all had 400 years to gain my trust already, maureen. i can keep a job if i want to, julius. damn. - uh-huh. - that look says, "i'm getting a third job." - how you like me now? - ooh, chris, i love this new, not raggedy look. - my mom hated raggedy. she was a ghetto snob. she always said we weren't rich enough to look poor. - how did you afford all that? - that looks like $40 worth of clothes. - mr. omar sold me a dead man's clothes real cheap. - and i've been buying alive people's clothes all this time? mercy! - it's getting late. you boys better get going. drew. - it was drew's freshman year. and for the first time in a while, we'd be at the same school. i was hoping with my new clothes he wouldn't outshine me. [choir singing] wrong. - whoa, you don't look raggedy. - why is everyone so surprised? - oh, and, chris, i'm going down to the temp agency. nessa's watching tonya after school.
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i need you to pick her up and take her to a dance lesson. ok? - why do i have to be the backup parent to a demon child? - come on, chris. she's an angel. - thank you, daddy. chris, if you're late, those clothes will have two dead owners. [thunder booming] - i had to take three buses to school. but the bus drivers wouldn't always stop for us. they were scared of my neighborhood. [upbeat latin-tinged music] they were scared of this neighborhood, too. [light jazzy music] they weren't scared of this neighborhood, but i was. [all grumbling] - you boys like candy? - i can't believe this is how you've been getting to school. - i wasn't sure about drew going to school with me. but at that moment, i was so glad i wasn't alone. [car horn honks] - drew? - my friends from the dojo are offering me a ride, so-- - when it came to women, my brother was like idris elba. - can i squeeze in? [together] no.
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- and i was like idris' elbow. ain't nobody trying to have sex with an elbow. well, almost nobody. - i'm just going to walk.
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