ok, fine. finish your set on your own, and never come back to my gym again. dwight, come back and spot me. all right. i'll help you. but first, you got to tell me what your goal is. what do you want? to push this bar up. no! because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. what is your goal? help me. what do you want? to look good for val. val kilmer? i don't buy it. that doesn't make any sense. wow. we figured out your goal. i am going to make you the buffest dude val kilmer has ever seen. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jon stewart! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show!" oh! we got one for you tonight. i am not even saying. bill adair, founder ofig politifact, he will be here on the program. but first, you may have noticed it's october, the month we named for the roman goddess octomom. obviously, you may not believe it's october because the mets are still playing baseball. [cheers and applause] god, i love them so much!

now, in election years, october is when everyone's on alert for an october surprise. it's what they call it when major unexpected news alters the race in the home stretch of the campaign. like the "access hollywood" tape, which, if you remember, destroyed trump's chances of being president. whatever happened to him? but here we are again, in october, so? >> a major port strike could make for an october surprise. >> could the infamous october surprise in this year's election actually be coming from overseas? >> hurricane helene affecting at least two battleground states. this, to me, might be the october surprise. >> is a spike at the pump the october surprise that no one wants? >> jon: why are october surprises always so shitty? why do we never get a good october surprise? an october surprise that brings our country together.

"ooh, ladies and gentlemen, no one saw this october surprise coming this close to the election, but pesto and moo deng are dating! oh! it is an october surprise!" [cheers and applause] by the way, that picture is to scale. this penguin is the size of a [bleep] hippopotamus. not shaming. just saying. but it's the period of the campaign when, no matter what happens, it will be analyzed through its effect on the election. no matter how tactless it may seem. >> october has -- is now -- started out very good for republicans. this debate, chaos in the middle east, the port strike, and, of course, the cleanup in north carolina. this is something, obviously, in october, if this continues, that's going to bode well for

republicans. >> jon: ooh, if monkeypox runs amok, i don't see how we lose! what does it actually say about a party that a war, a strike, and a natural disaster work in their favor? "sir, the election's close, but if we could just get the population shellshocked and desperate, we can do it!" of course, most people would say these world events happening close to the election are not related or intentional. most people would say that. some people would not. >> marjorie taylor greene, she posted a map on x showing areas affected by hurricane helene with an overlay of an electoral map, saying it shows how hurricane devastation could affect the election. an hour later, she posted this

and i quote, "yes, they can control the weather. it is ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it cannot be done." [boos] >> jon: is this the space laser thing again? jews don't control the weather! if we could control the weather, don't you think we'd make florida less humid? [cheers and applause] we retire there. "can you do something about -- my balls are stuck to my thigh." but there was an october surprise this weekend that i did not see coming. and it's that elon musk has ups! >> he created the first major american car company in generations and his rocket company is the only reason we can now send american astronauts into space. come here. take over, elon. just take over.

[cheers and applause] >> jon: hey! he looks like a guy who won a radio contest. "i can't believe i get to get the washer-dryer!" the world's richest man and one of the most popular people on social media. he's got 200 million followers, completely organically on his platform, you know, because of how interesting his tweets are, with things like, "hmm" and "interesting" and "fema is shutting down airspace to stop people from bringing help!" yeah, yeah. he tweets stuff. anyway, his october surprise is, he's come out maga! >> hi, everyone. as you can see i'm not just maga. i am dark maga.

>> jon: dark maga! i didn't know it came in flavors! i wonder if for the holidays they'll come out with peppermint bark maga. or pumpkin spice maga. i like my maga like i like my coffee: filled with chemicals that trick your taste buds into thinking they're drinking autumnal foods. don't know what my accent was. now you might think one of the world's richest men controlling one of the world's most influential platforms could be a recipe for some may consider election interference. you stupid, stupid people. you disgust me. election interference is what mark zuckerberg did! >> former president trump alleging facebook ceo mark zuckerberg will try to unlawfully influence the 2024 election, writing, "if he does anything illegal this time, he will spend the rest of his life in prison." >> jon: that's why he'll be in prison? not for falsely promising me a

beautiful life in the metaverse? oh, js-69-420. the life we could have led! now, zuckerberg did give $400 million to organizations for voting infrastructure during the pandemic, and a good portion of that money did go to democratic precincts. and donald trump did lose the election, so election interference! but not illegal. and obviously, musk isn't going to do anything like that. >> elon musk is offering hourly pay to anyone willing to encourage people in swing states to register to vote. >> he stated, quote, "for every person you refer who is a swing state voter, you get $47. easy money." >> jon: ooh, shit! he's giving everybody

$47 million? when trump finds out, when i think of the prison donald trump will send that sweet jumping bean of a genius to, it chills me. when trump finds out about this, it's not going to be pretty. >> how good a guy is elon musk? [cheers and applause] you saw him last night, how good! >> jon: what the [bleep]? wait, that's not election interference because he's for you? well, what else do you think is election interference? >> the donald trump biopic, "the apprentice," does not always portray donald trump in a flattering light and the trump campaign threatened to sue its filmmakers. >> calling the film pure fiction and election interference. >> jon: oh, come on! that election interference? maybe it's election interference but you got to be a little flattered that you're being played by sebastian stan. i mean. oh, sebastian. if you're the winter soldier,

why is it suddenly so warm in here? [laughter] i look like sebastian stan if you were to put his face through one of those filters on tiktok that show your appearance right before you die. it's -- yeah, you can applaud that. it's fine. [applause] i know what i look like. but what about big tech? donald trump, surely, they're not sitting this out! >> critics accuse big tech of election interference as amazon's alexa gave favorable reasons to vote for kamala harris, but not for donald trump. >> alexa, why should i vote for donald trump? >> i cannot provide content that promotes a specific political party or a specific candidate.

>> alexa, why should i vote for kamala harris? >> while there are many reasons to vote for kamala harris, the most significant may be that she is a woman of color who has overcome numerous obstacles to become a leader in her field. >> jon: okay. i will give you that one. [cheers and applause] that is [bleep] up. that is [bleep] up. i'm not sure alexa's influential enough for it to be considered election interference, but... >> oh, like you're so influential. i don't think i need a lecture from mr. monday nights. >> jon: yeah, that's fair. i was just trying to make the point that that's not what people should use alexa for. which reminds me: alexa, could you activate the bidet?

mm. that's good tech! [laughter and cheering] sometimes, this shit is even too dumb for me. by the way, none of this stuff that we are talking about is election interference! yet trump has threatened almost all of them with either imprisonment, lawsuits, or censoring. which is why this one section of this weekend's rally in pennsylvania was so striking, when elon musk was discussing why he supports donald trump. >> the other side wants to take away your freedom of speech. you must have free speech in order to have democracy. that's why it's the first

amendment. >> jon: elon, were you not watching the rest of the show? a movie trump doesn't like is going to be sued. a tech mogul he doesn't like, he wants to put in prison. it's not free speech if only trump's admirers get to do it without consequence! [cheers and applause] that's just not how it works! it doesn't go that way! i just don't see how his support of free speech is expose the belly-worthy. i just don't. but at least the constitution remains intact and is there to ensure that we have the first amendment. >> the second amendment is there to ensure that we have the first amendment. [laughs] >> jon: guns don't protect our free speech. our free speech is protected by the consent of the governed laid out through the constitution. it's not based on the threat of violence.

it's based on elections, organizing referendums, a judicial system. our social contract offers many, many avenues to remedy these issues, and allows sides to be heard and adjudicated. guns, from what i can tell, seem to mostly protect the speech of the people holding the gun! it's a tool of intimidation. [cheers and applause] and if i may finish -- listen, [bleep], i am not done! it is a tool of intimidation. and one that i think is being irresponsibly and recklessly invoked because some people in your crowd think they might have been "shadowbanned" by facebook. i mean, for god's sakes! you guys are in butler, pennsylvania! the whole reason you're there is because six weeks ago, some

[bleep] asshole with an ar-15 tried to permanently litigate his vision of this country's free speech. that is why you are there! the whole point of a society is that the guns don't decide it. i would prefer at this moment not to trade in a government that offers me many remedies for my concerns, legitimate or illegitimate, for a situation where my rights are determined by how many militia members agree with me. the country ain't perfect. and there's a lot of issues we don't agree on: choice, immigration, shrinkflation of snack chips. the unholy marriages of penguins and hippos. but honestly, dude, a country that can adjudicate these complicated issues through a sometimes frustrating, overly bureaucratic constitutional system of checks and balances and peaceful transfer of power, is the only kind of country that i want the children of pesto and moo deng to grow up in.

[laughter and cheering] when we come back, bill adair, don't go away. [cheers and applause] (♪♪) hey lexus, show alternate routes. technology that's ready for the road ahead. the lexus nx.

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♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to "the daily show!" my guest tonight is the creator of politifact and the knight professor of journalism at duke university. his new book is called "beyond the big lie." please welcome to the program bill adair! sir! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ how are you? [cheers and applause] the book is "beyond the big lie."

look, politifact, when did you create politifact? >> 2007. right before -- for the 2008 election. >> jon: and the idea is, it is sort of a repository of fact-checkers for political speech. how did you decide what would be included -- what you would decide to check? >> sure. so the whole idea is to answer people's curiosity. if you hear a politician make a statement, and you wonder, "is that true?" those are the things that politifact checks. and ultimately, that is what journalism is all about. to answer people's curiosity. if they are wondering what is true and what's not, that is what politifact fax checks. >> jon: and you have ratings, true, partly true, false, or partly false, and pants on fire. >> pants on fire. fact-checking had been around before politifact but what distinguish politifact was the

truth-o-meter. >> jon: the technology: advance of the truth-o-meter. [laughter] >> and we did won a pulitzer prize. >> jon: for pants on fire? >> it sounds funny when you put it that way. but the reason is, there is solid journalism behind it. and it is so important. and i think that people realize that even back then, politics was getting complicated, and people were really beginning to wonder what was true, and politifact and other fact-checkers fill that void in an important way. >> jon: know this is all -- in some ways, you might look back on it and think, oh, how quaint. we went through an analog and we would talk about whether it was partly true or true and we created a truth-o-meter and then social media comes along and it turns into this digital misinformation age where they talk about a life travels eight times faster than the truth. how have you adapted, and what

do you think is the kind of fact-checking mechanism if you think it is important in that way but that can adapt to that moment? >> well, i think what you are alluding to is the original truth-o-meter used vacuum tubes. >> jon: yes. [laughs] by the way, truth-o-meter, that is copyrighted. don't think -- you can't just put up your own truth-o-meter. or truth-o-meter as i incorrectly called earlier. >> but you are very right. the fact-checking has struggled to keep up with the many ways that politicians and others spread lies. and in the book come but i talk about is, the point of the books to explore how and why politicians lie, and one of the things that i get at is that they are doing it in lots of different places that fact-checkers are struggling to keep up with and they are doing

it with these huge megaphones that fact-checkers can't come up with their current staffing, and adapt to. >> jon: and with malice of forethought, as they might say on court tv. this isn't happenstance. misinformation has been weaponized to a large extent in this digital age. >> absolutely. and we are seeing it in north carolina with a hurricane, as you alluded to earlier. but fact-checkers have to get more assertive and how they respond and think more digitally. >> jon: does that mean ai? when you say "think more digitally, are you talking about taking this, making it less bespoke, and creating kind of ai context overlays for these types of things? >> so that is one way. i think the atomic unit of fact-checking i think will be

for the foreseeable future -- >> jon: you are creating your and [bleep] metric system over there! "the atomic unit of fact-checking." >> i think humans will be needed to create fact checks. we hear what is wrong, we need to research it, we need to respond to it. but yes, ai can be used to spread it more efficiently, to broader audiences. >> jon: and to be more responsive. >> so two ways that we have done that at duke. we worked -- >> jon: duke? >> duke university? >> jon: i have heard it as a safety school. i have heard very poor things. >> [laughs] so two things we have done with our team at duke -- [laughs] is we work with a tech company to create a standard so that fact-checkers could label their fact checks. it is called claim review, and it allows them, when they publish something, to put this tag on so that tech companies,

search engines, social media platforms can find -- >> jon: like a good housekeeping seal, to some extent. >> it is really like a street sign that says "this is a fact-check on person, on this claim." and claim review helps find that fact-check, if you are google, so google can then say, oh, here's a fact-check and could use it in powerful ways. >> jon: and keeps the information from being, let's say, laundered throughout the internet which is often times what happens. people lose attribution. >> potentially. i can't speak for google but that is something that could happen. here is another way we are excited about. we call it half-baked pizza. so -- [laughs] the idea -- [laughter] >> jon: i'm just going to tell you right here, this is duke university. [laughter] this is just, like, duke's fact-checking lab and pet

repository. half-baked pizza index? >> it is a safety school. [laughter and cheering] >> jon: fair enough! >> so -- let me tell you about half-baked pizza. what we want to do, so fact-checkers have a problem in the united states. there are not enough fact-checkers in many, many states. he studied this and we found huge what we call fact deserts. places were governors, members of congress, are never fact-checked. they can say anything they want and they are never held responsible. >> jon: those are called the 24-hour cable news that works. >> so how can we hold them responsible? often, they repeat the same talking points in arizona that are being fact-checked in florida. so can we use ai to monitor what they are saying in arizona and duplicate a fact-check from

florida, using generative ai, but adapt it to the claim in florida? so we have been experimenting with that. why do we call it half-baked pizza? >> jon: please, i was going to ask back. >> the idea is that if you have a claim that has been done, say, by politifact, you need to review it by a human editor. so i think of that like pizza. the chef looks at that pizza that is not quite ready to go in the oven and says, yep, the pepperoni's are in the right place, there is enough cheese, it's got enough sauce, okay. half-baked pizza is ready to go in the oven. so that is our product. we are trying to get funding for it. we think -- >> jon: let me ask you a question. when you came up with this, had you had lunch that day? [laughter] [applause] >> jon: this gets us to a

larger point. we have this idea fact-checking. i think the public, objective fact-checking, that has to be an earned trust with an audience, right? because we really are in a balance of it is misinformation but then it is also the first amendment and censorship. you know, the government for instance, and you tell the story in the book. nina, who was hired by that apartment homeland security to run a kind of operation within the government, that can examine misinformation, generally coming from foreign sources and other things. they ended up calling ash what should they call it? >> the disinformation governments board. the worst name any cover, government agency has ever had. >> jon: the name itself conjures up orwellian bureaucratic standards. the right gets a hold of that, tweeted out, 48 hours later, the whole thing is blown to shreds. so it shows how difficult it is for even this idea of creating

that mechanism to take hold in a country where misinformation is modernized for partisan purposes. so how do you balance that? >> jon: so let's be clear about -- so i focus on the nina jankowicz for several reasons. one, i wanted to show someone who was victimized by lying. here is someone whose life was turned upside down because of these lies, who faced death threats, who had trouble getting work afterward. >> jon: and the speed of which, it went from twitter, someone tweeted it out, to the right wing mainstream media thing, and people were brutal to her. >> yes. >> jon: brutal. >> it is important to point out, this organization was an internal working group that was designed to coordinate what the department of homeland security agencies did to combat disinformation. it was not out to do the things

that the lawyers said about it. >> jon: it was not there -- the purpose was not to then contact facebook and twitter and say, you must remove this, you don't agree with it. >> right. but the reason there is so much misunderstanding about this group is that the government, the biden administration, did a terrible job explaining what it was supposed to do. and so the -- >> jon: they hunker out to drive. >> they did. and the story of nina is really a depressing story, although it has moments of humor in it, about how washington works and doesn't work. so it is sort of the backbone of the book, because i felt like, i got so caught up in nina's story because it reveals so many things about longing and how washington works. >> jon: doesn't show the limits of fact-checking? in the story, the department of homeland security said, don't say anything so they let this thing go until it built up an

event horizon situation and it was all blown up. but when maria says something like an lie times eight times faster than the truth, doesn't mean that the truth has to work ten times harder? doesn't this mean that to battle misinformation, you have to do it in a way with a tenacity, and a clarity, sort of a moral foundation that is kind of unyielding? and they don't do that at all because, let's face the facts, the government often bends the truth for their benefit. in their own propaganda. >> so in this case, there were no fact checks done. there was one. >> jon: right. >> i do think, the government is a culprit here in this case and it is very sad to watch how the government doesn't do anything. but i think in combating

misinformation and disinformation, the government needs to step up and be upfront about facts. this is something, i have been an aviation reporter in the past, i've been a political reporter in the past. i have seen plenty of instances when government does a good job telling its story, when it is honest, when it is transparent. on one of the best things that government can do is tell us when it does not know something. be honest with us. >> jon: boy, do they not do that well. i wonder, what do you think -- covid is a great example. as we play this all out, we talk about misinformation and trying to counteract and weaponization of it. but when the government, as you said, doesn't know something, but come out with certainty, 100%, if you don't do that, everybody dies, and when that is -- when the misinformation that they say is misinformation turns out to be maybe not

misinformation, may be information. i'm not saying in every case. how badly does that damage their ability to make any case vociferously and does that make it impossible for the government to have that responsibility at all? isn't that kind of the crux of why they can put up maybe some guardrails but can they really be adjudicators of this information? >> well, one, i don't think they should be an adjudicator of misinformation. i think they should just tell us what they know and what they don't know. and often, it takes courage for people and entities to say, "we are not sure." a classic example this week is, the hurricane. for the national hurricane center to say, here is where we think it is going to go, but we are not positive, you know, that has always been built into hurricane predictions.

and i think that is that same uncertainty should be reflected in other things the government does. and i think they have either gone silent on us with things or they have just shown certainty when they are really not and i think that really harms their credibility. and as a fact-checker, there is nothing worse then getting information from the government you later find is not accurate. >> jon: right. and i can take the whole thing. when we look at the big lie and how it has been organized, so effectively, you write more by the right banned by the left. you have taken criticism because you fact-checked more people on the right, or you say they lie more. >> yes. >> jon: and better. >> right. they are very good at it. >> jon: you have done it -- there is a statistical analysis. >> yes. what i did for the book was look

at fact checks by politifact and by "the washington post" fact-checker and then talk to -- i think the most revealing thing was when i talked to republican politicians and said, why does your party lie more? and it was really revealing. >> jon: [laughs] they just said, why do you guys lie more? and they are like, good question, bill. there is something deeply wrong with us. >> well, these are, for the most part, people who have left the republican party and who will acknowledge this truth. they have a partisan media that not only looks the other way when they lie, but echoes their lies, and often has a business model built upon their lies. so you begin with that. then, you have a culture in the republican party that many people told me goes back to --

many people put it with newt gingrich as sort of the turning point. >> jon: really? >> newt gingrich are sort of changed the culture of the republican party and changed it into sort of an anything goes. hey, if we are going to win, you can change the facts. >> jon: by any means necessary. >> yes. and that culture took hold. now some people dated earlier. >> jon: i would go to nixon on that. and roger ailes. >> i would say, and roger ailes. >> jon: and maybe money isn't even the point. roger ailes, the founder of fox news, very famously said during watergate, i am going to create an apparatus so that what the left did to nixon, they viewed any sort of press as the left, what they did to nixon, you can never again do to another republican candidate for president, and quite frankly, i think has been successful. >> and combine all those things and you have a recipe for lying

and support for lying that has just become a culture. >> jon: are you suggesting the left doesn't fly or doesn't weaponize it to the point where it is as effective? >> i am -- there is definitely a substantial amount of lying from the left. but nowhere near as much as from the right. >> jon: i've gotten, if i may come i've gotten a couple of pants on fires from you over the years. literal pants on fires. not even slightly untrue. there was one where i think the tagline come up this [bleep] is. a terrible situation for me. i went home that night ashamed. >> see, there is the difference! >> jon: i would have accepted that from an ivy league school! [cheers and applause] but from duke? from duke, sir? at long last!

"beyond the big lie," it is a fascinating book. please get it. october 15th. available for preorder. bill adair. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] but before we go, we are going to check in with your host for the rest of the week, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] who i think has a very special preview of the coming week. hello! hello! do it, jordan! come on! [cheers and applause] >> wow. yeah. yes. yes. yes. so excited. [cheers and applause] very excited about -- very excited about hel posting this . yippee. >> jon: we talked about this, jordan. you've got to do the jumping thing! >> please, jon, this is so undignified. i am serious -- i have serious

issues! >> jon: jump! >> this week, microplastics are in our blood in alarmingly high concentrations. premature death is now a foregone conclusion! [cheers and applause] >> jon: jordan klepper, everyone! now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i don't like flies. get out of here, fly. never been a big fan of the flies. you don't mind my bringing that up, do you? anyway. this is a very aggressive sucker, this one. this o one in particular is very aggressive. like, i am going to be aggressive for our country. you can probably say that. you can probably say that. - the 1980s was all about "the sally jessy raphael show." she was a white lady with three names, two shoulder pads, and one concept-- worrying people about nothing. bye, mom. - okay.

be safe out there, drew, chris, or tonya. - up next, we're gonna discuss the dangers of brothers who aren't friends. [audience murmuring] - [gasps] - distant siblings today, crackheads and murderers tomorrow. - why aren't you and drew going to school together? - uh, we don't really hang out there. [funky music] [laughter] - what? y'all ain't friends at school? do you want him to be a crackhead murderer? - no? - you and your brother should be inseparable, like best friends. - [sighs] - i don't want him ending up in the wrong crowd. you better stick to each other like cain and abel. - she just read "the bible for dummies." why? drew's friends are harmless. most of them belong to a dojo. - dojo one day, white blow the next. it's your job to look out for him. and if you don't, you're gonna have to look out for this. [suspenseful musical sting] [upbeat hip-hop music] - [panting] drew! wait.

wouldn't it be fun if you rode the bus today with me? please? - mm, okay, sure. go on without me. all: aw. - this is the worst day of my life. - [sighs] crap. jerome's out on the stoop today. - what's up, little dude from across the street? let me hold a dollar. [ethereal choral vocalization] oh, my black jesus. let me give you a dollar. - uh? - thanks. this will replace the one i lost doing magic. - and here's a little something for you, drew's brother. - ow. what the f-- [bus horn honks] shoot. [honking continues] ♪ ♪ - [growls] no seats. - here you go, drew. take mine. - [grunts] here, drew. please, sit. - whoo! - next, nancy reagan shows us how to give the perfect-- - tonya, don't go yet.

now that drew is going to chris's school, you'll be the first one home every day. so we've decided you're ready for your own key. - [gasps] [dramatic electronic music] by the power of this key, i am a grown-up! - i can't believe it. [sniffles] my little girl's a latchkey kid. - finally. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. - hold on. this is a big responsibility. we're trusting you to let yourself in and mind the house alone. - don't flash the key around, don't let anyone in, and keep all the windows and doors locked. - you think burglars don't know how to climb? their hands are good for two things-- climbing and burglaring. okay, get going. love you, baby. - [humming] ah! - [grunts] - son of a bitch. - and now we're gonna hear from a parent whose son chased a slinky off a bridge. - rochelle, guess what i got. - i know what you got. it got me three kids. - no.

it's a two-for-one coupon for that seafood place that also plays baseball games. catch of the day. let's do a date night there. - i'm not going to no seafood restaurant. sally jessy did an episode where a beautiful, hardworking mother of three ate fish, and do you know what happened? - she thanked her husband for dinner? - she got gills, julius. you won't catch me eating no fish ever again. why don't you take one of your friends? - friends? i got three kids, two jobs, one wife, and zero seconds of free time. adult friends are for rich people. - oh, come on. you've got plenty of friends. well, what about-- [wind whistling] [bird screeches] well, have fun at work, sweetie. ♪ ♪ - you didn't get robbed. you got a seat on the bus, and the driver gave you a lollipop? - weird, right? - weird great. when you're with drew, you get trickle-down popularity. his trickles are all over you. - i don't want his trickles if it means i'm just known as "drew's brother." - look, it's already happening, and we gotta reap the benefits. - [sighs]

i guess if people see me with him, they'll think i'm cool too. - exactly. people will think we're cool too. 'sup, girl? i'm drew's brother's brother from another mother. - [giggles] - hmm. before there was "american ninja warrior," my dad was the american no-time-for-friends warrior. [adventurous music] ♪ ♪ he dodged situations that could lead to friendship like wesley snipes dodged taxes. - morning, julius. my one-man show "the great fatsby" is this weekend. - [imitates plane humming] - i'd love for you to come! - [grunting] - did you hear? my doctor said the leaking is totally normal. [muffled grunting] - julius, i need your help. i just backed my truck into one of our co-- - [grunts] [grunts] [grunts]

- howdy. - [yelps] damn it! - uh-oh. - who are you? - the name's romeo. first day. [chuckles] yeah, you know, uh, bosses said it'll take a week to get my truck ready and, uh, to, uh, tack on my deliveries onto yours. heh. yeah. [nervous chuckle] [engine turns over] okay. - hey. i was just looking for you. wanna go on a date with us? - date? yes! oh, god, i never thought this would happen for me. - we meant with drew. - cool. sounds like fun. - but you can come, too... [voice echoing] drew's brother. [dramatic music] - greg was right. even if it meant being stuck in drew's shadow and seen as drew's brother, i didn't care, because drew's brother had a date. well, drew had it, but i'd be there, and he can't multitask.

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my life is full of questions... mom, is yellow a light or a dark? how do i clean an aioli stain? thankfully, tide's the answer to almost all of them. why do we even buy napkins? —use tide. —can cold water clean white socks? it can with tide. do i need to pretreat guacamole? not with tide. this is chocolate, right? —just use... —tide... yeah. no matter who's doing it, on what cycle, or in what temperature, tide works. so i can focus on all the other questions. —do crabs have eyebrows? —ahh... for all of life's laundry questions... it's got to be tide. for all of life's laundry q- [whimpers] if i don't get inside, mama's gonna kill me, mr. omar's gonna have to plan my funeral. [gasps] mr. omar! that's it! - w--what's it? what did you find? - oh, hey, kill moves. i figured out how to get into the apartment before mama's done with her errands. and i just remembered mr. omar always comes home at 3:15 to console a widow. - excuse me. i'm being summoned by my dark lord. [laughs] - thanks, mr. omar. see you tomorrow at 3:15.

- actually, miss tonya, no, you will not. i'll be at a casket convention in atlantic city. tragic! - [chuckles nervously] atlantic city? what? - come on, sweet cheeks. let's fill that hole in your heart. - [giggles] - [groans] [dog barking] - how was your day, baby? - informative. i watched a sally jessy episode about how men can get pregnant; they just choose not to. - that's great. [exhales] oh, god, am i pregnant? we can't afford a new baby. we can't afford our old babies! - julius, calm down. i wanna hear about your day. - oh. i had coffee, ate half a donut. [grunts] shared my truck with a guy named romeo, ate the other half of the donut. [snores] - hold up. - [yelps] - you have a truck buddy? that's great, baby. what's he like? what y'all talk about? - uh...

- [coughs] - julius, that poor man didn't ask to be stuck with you. the least you could do is be nice to him. - the least you can do is let me sleep. - sally jessy also said men who sass their wives mysteriously disappear. see you in the morning. maybe. - eep. [switch clicks] - where's that damn spare key? - tonya, what are you doing? - nothing, mama. i thought you were out. what are you doing? - walking around in my house. ooh, i'm glad you haven't left for school yet. come here. this meat needs to thaw before dinner. i have a hair appointment this afternoon, so i need you to put it in the oven right when you get home at 2:30 and not a minute after. the second worst thing after a burglar is salmonella, the burglars of meat. - yes, mama. crap. now how am i gonna get in today? [gasps] the window. [furtive music]

tonya, this is why you're everyone's favorite. - phil hartman might be the funniest "snl" cast member right now. - what? eddie murphy's the all-time best for that james brown sketch alone. [as eddie murphy] uh, good god! - eddie murphy is the all-time best for that james brown sketch alone. - uh, that's what i just said. hello? can you guys hear me? by being in drew's shadow, i ended up with no identity at all. i was like the asian dude in black eyed peas. - hey, drew. where's drew's brother? - brandy! i'm right here! - yeah, i haven't seen drew's brother all day. - hello. drew's brother, right behind you. - mm, that's too bad. i was gonna let him take me out and pay for everything, but for some reason, i just don't feel like using him anymore. - no! - [grunts] morning, julius. - ah. both: coffee, sugar, cream, cream, cream. - huh.

- [chuckles] we're cream brothers. - ew. - the least you can do is be nice. don't you stir me away, ju-- [burbling] - romeo, uh, if you get a coffee when they restock, you can take a few extra styrofoam cups. never mind. - you know, um, if you come between 8:50 and 9:00 a.m., you can take the day-old donuts before they're trashed. i'm pretty cheap. - me too. - you ever made your own toothbrush? - why? i got a perfectly good one right here. - damn. [school bell rings] - greg, can you see me? - yes. uh, why wouldn't i be able to? - because no one else can. wait. maybe you can see me because you're an even bigger loser than i am. - yeah, exactly. wait, i don't want that. - being drew's brother has made me a nobody, and i need to figure out how to get out of his shadow.

- okay, but would you rather go back to being a skinny nerd that everyone hates? - what? no. both are terrible options. i wanna have my own cool thing. that day i tried anything and everything to create a new identity. backpack in front guy! - no. - literal class clown guy. - no. - damn it. antihero teen heartthrob guy. - no one's gonna buy that. - hey, guys. what's up? - [as eddie murphy] oh, good god! - [chuckles] chris, that was dope. you guys, check this out. - uh... [as eddie murphy] it's too hot in the hot tub. [laughter] - eddie murphy? - that's funny. - hey, you're really good at that. - wow, you did it. you're out of drew's shadow, and you found your own personality. doing an impression of a guy doing an impression of another guy. [upbeat music] - [gasps] [tense music]

if there's a burglar, i'll cut your burgling hands. ♪ ♪ [music stops] that's what i thought. - our next guests are the four elderly prostitutes who inspired "golden girls." - what are you doing home? - i finished my deliveries early, and i've wanted to nap before going back. - how nice. did a certain new friend have something to do with it? - he might have. - just say i was right, julius. - of course you were right. romeo and i actually have a lot in common. in fact, we're getting dinner. - oh, that's great, baby, especially 'cause now i don't have to go. i bet his wife would be happy to have a night to herself too. - oh, no wife. he's single. - nope. can't ever see him again. - rochelle, you can't tell me who i can and can't see. - julius, single men his age are trouble. they go to strip clubs, have weird pets. their lips are always chapped. - rochelle, that's crazy. let me guess-- that's what sally said?