yeah. thanks. oh. and, uh, molly? i know it can't be easy working for jan. good luck with your feelings. dwight, that was really nice. you should ask for her number. oh, i got her number-- 415 ycl. that's a license number. that's all you need. and when i have curried favor with her, i will let you know. oh, why me? because you are my friend, and you are a woman, and women love gossip. it's like air to you people. ugh, god. [retching] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. we find out who joe biden is going to pardon, inflation is falling, and fox news says voting for a woman makes you gay. plus, my guest tonight: from "monty python," the legendary eric idle is here! [cheers and applause] so let's get into "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with the number one issue for voters: the economy, everyone's favorite system of producing and distributing goods and services. inflation has been a major headache for america the past few years, but for those of you who like paying less for things, today brought some welcome news. >> some new economic info just today. we have new inflation numbers.

annual inflation rate now 2.4%. that's according to the consumer price index. it is inflation's lowest point in three years. >> jordan: yeah! suck it, inflation! [cheers and applause] suck it! you get down and you stay down! now, for those who aren't big cpi-heads like myself, 2.4% inflation is getting pretty close to the fed's target level of 2%, which was chosen because it's jerome powell's favorite kind of milk. of course, good news for the biden-harris economy is bad news for donald trump, who is campaigning against the biden-harris administration. but throughout this campaign, trump has had a very subtle way of casting doubt on positive economic reports. see if you can catch it. >> wall street ends the week on a positive note. the dow and s&p 500 both hitting record highs. >> we are a nation whose economy is collapsing into a cesspool of ruin. >> 2024 has kicked off with a bang.

353,000 jobs were added. >> you're going to lose your jobs. >> main street hiring firing on all cylinders here. >> the economy's just been reported to be doing very badly. >> one month gain in job growth best since january 2022. >> our economy is doing terribly. >> the numbers that we're getting on the real economy show that it's holding up remarkably well. >> the biden economy is a nightmare. >> look at that spike in consumer staples. everything's looking great here. >> i keep hearing about their economy. their economy is terrible. >> the blue chips make history for the fourth straight day. >> it's the worst economy that we've ever had. >> jobs are up, the stock market hit that all time high. do you acknowledge that the economy is improving? >> no, it's not. >> jordan: nuh-uh! bad-economy-says-what? what? now look, in trump's defense, just because the numbers are good doesn't mean people aren't struggling. just the other day i saw one very desperate american pawning everything he owns for chump change.

so sad. that bitcoin was a family heirloom! his grandfather smuggled it out of europe in his ass. but while an improving economy is a boost to kamala harris, she's got another big problem on her hands. >> what is becoming a growing concern among democrats and the harris campaign, that she is, indeed, struggling with male voters. >> among men, trump has a sizable lead. he's beating harris by 12 points. >> jordan: wow, 12 points! really? that's a lot. surely, men would be open minded about having a female president. hang on, let me check something. okay. let me see. all right, here. okay. oh, no. seriously? whoa! oh, god. oh, my. yeah. no, no. yeah, that checks out. so perhaps this shouldn't come as a huge surprise. there's a reason why america has the same number of female presidents as the taliban.

there's a certain type of person who thinks that voting for a woman makes you less of a man. and that type of person is on tv. >> no real man would ever vote for kamala harris. >> i don't see why any man would vote democrat. that person has mommy issues or they're just trying to be accepted by other women. >> i vote like a real man. and i vote for the conservative. >> the democratic party has been emasculating men for decades. >> kamala harris picking up a shovel. it's like she's never used one before. >> if you want weak men and the angry women around them, like, that's the party for you, for sure. >> jordan: exactly! republicans are the party of real men. real, tough men who are strong, and love america, and won't back down, and hate democrat-run cities because there's so many scary people there! oh, mama, please don't let me get murdered when i'm crossing the street! oh, god, mommy, the streets are dirty and there are immigrants!

please, please send donald trump to help me, mommy! i'm so scared! [cheers and applause] that's how a real man feels! but that's what right-wingers believe. if you're a man who votes for a woman, your penis evaporates. and then you just walk out of the voting booth with a smooth mound with an "i voted" sticker on it. but it's not just democrat voters who aren't real men. the democratic party itself is so emasculated that not only is its presidential nominee not a male, but her male running mate isn't even a male! >> women love masculinity, and women do not love tim walz, so that should just tell you about how masculine tim walz is. >> tim walz trying to basically redefine what masculinity is. >> he's, like, the soft man. >> you look at the way that tim walz dances around on stage. it's not someone who comes across as this alpha male, someone who is a killer. >> here's twitchy tim on stage,

waving profusely in a very unsettling manner, very unsettling. >> the tim walz jazz hands and high kicking tour. >> men should not move this way. >> the other day, you saw him with a vanilla ice cream shake. had a straw in it. >> oh. >> again, that tells you everything. >> jordan: yeah, real men don't drink milkshakes with a straw. you crawl your way into a cow and drink it from the inside. or you punch the milkshake then lick the remains off your hand. or -- and this one's a long shot -- real men don't have opinions about the right way to drink a vanilla milkshake. [cheers and applause] may be. i don't know. i don't know. this really shows you how much they love moving the goalposts. democrats nominated a deer-hunting, military vet, football coach who can change a sparkplug, and you're like, "but have you seen the way he waves?" you know, for a bunch of manly

men, you guys are some catty little bitches. [cheers and applause] look, i'm not here to condemn anyone. as an impartial fake journalist, it's not my place to say that pointing at someone and calling him a wuss is in any way inappropriate for a serious political party. but i should warn conservatives that some of the shots they're taking might be hitting one particular target they didn't mean to. >> conservative women want strong men. we don't want these wimpy, woke guys that, you know, focus more on their hair. >> i'm just checking out the hair style as i'm talking. >> men just look at another man and you can kind of know if he is an athlete. look at the way he can go down the stairs. ♪ ♪ >> being a real man is about having personal responsibility. >> january 6th.

is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? >> i had nothing to do with that. >> the hug is not the way you hug your wife. you hug your wife from the body. you don't hug like this. >> here's twitchy tim on stage, waving profusely in a very unsettling manner. men should not move this way. it's not the way we move. ♪ ♪ >> jordan: don't listen to those meanies, donald. don't listen to them. nothing is more manly than your dance moves. nothing! for more on the gender divide, let's go live to washington with troy iwata! [cheers and applause] troy! troy, is this strategy of saying "only real men vote for trump"

really that effective? why do republicans think this strategy works? >> well, it appeals to men's top concern. >> jordan: like the economy? or jobs? >> no, not being called gay. it goes prostate cancer, teens laughing at your cybertruck, gay. >> jordan: i got to say, that's so sad. i thought in the year 2024, other men would have moved past this latent homophobic fear that somebody will think they're gay. >> well, of course, you and i don't mind. as gay men -- >> jordan: what? you're a gay man. i'm not gay. >> oh, okay. anyways, regardless, the trump campaign is hoping -- >> jordan: hold on, hold on. i'm sorry, just -- what made you think i was gay? was it the pomade? >> that was part of it. >> jordan: what do you mean, part of it? >> what's wrong, jordan?

you feeling uncomfy? thinking of voting for trump now? >> jordan: no! i mean, well, maybe! if i did, would that make me straight? i mean, i am straight! i can satisfy my wife. she'll tell you that. you can call her. feel free to call her. >> i'm not going to call your wife and ask her that. but you see what i mean? you're sweating. you're questioning. >> jordan: god damn it! you're right! you're right! you're spot on. that's powerful stuff! so how are democrats supposed to fight this? >> they shouldn't! you can't fight decades of ingrained homophobia. instead, democrats need to go all in on gay. just lean into it. [cheers and applause] just tell straight men, "we don't want you anymore." and promise that if they get into power, the government will go all gay. i'm talking no more state dinners. just long brunches.

i'm talking britney spears doing her knives dance at the inauguration. and no more war. just let eurovision settle it all. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: troy, but won't that cost democrats the straight male vote? >> who needs it? if you get gay men, plus women who like gay men, that's, like, 56% of the country! that's the whole sports game! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: you said sports game. i think you mean "ballgame." >> oh, right. i keep forgetting you're straight. >> jordan: why do you keep forgetting? i work out. look how much i can wait left where do you see this? >> oh, right. cause all gay men hate working out. >> jordan: damn it! troy iwata, everyone. when we come back, ricky velez will give us his opinion on presidential pardons. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

♪ i could feel it, i won't come down ♪ ♪ ♪ i could see it with all eyes ♪ ♪ whoa, i can feel it, ♪ ♪ la, la, la-la, la-la (i can feel it) ♪ ♪ la, la, la-la, la-la (tell them love) ♪ ♪ la, la, la-la, la-la-la (love has finally come) ♪ ♪ ooooo ♪ ♪

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so you can think of it as a tool to hammer your hunger... ...cut your appetite in half... ...and demolish your urge for peanuts. payday. get to it. finding a home for us also trywas tough,y payday but our agent joe just got our needs. - hey joe! - hey! we went on home tour after home tour. and he didn't stop until we got the one. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." we all know i've got great opinions, but i'm not the only one. studies show that other people also have opinions, so here with another installment of "in my opinion" is our good friend ricky velez. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> hi! we're a month away from

a presidential election, and people are real nervous that donald trump is going to win. not me. i think kamala's got it in the bag. [cheers and applause] she's been endorsed by the most beloved americans of all time, like liz cheney. every barbershop in this country, there's always three photos: biggie, obama, and liz [bleep] cheney. but still, people believe if trump wins, he's going to abuse the criminal justice system to go after his enemies and pardon all his friends. and when they said that, i was like, "what?" that's not the trump i know. but then they made me do some research and i looked into things. and it turns out that the last time he was president, he pardoned a ton of [bleep] people. >> president trump on a pardoning spree. >> granted reprieves to paul manafort, roger stone, and michael flynn.

>> two people convicted by robert mueller's prosecutors, three former republican congressmen. >> junk bond king michael milken. >> jared kushner's father, charles kushner. >> dinesh d'souza, sheriff joe arpaio. >> bernard kerik, rod blagojevich. >> lil wayne and kodak black. >> dang! is diddy just sitting in jail alone right now? no wonder trump wants to be president again, so he can finish the job and pardon diddy. he is going to pardon diddy. google diddy and trump pictures. i dare you. they have more pictures together than i have with my family. seriously, i've seen these pictures. he's at every party! i don't understand it. he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, what is he doing there? what's the vice? i think i have found it. i think it has something to do with baby oil. who else does he want to pardon?

maybe his homie steve bannon. but i'm guessing bannon doesn't want to leave prison. he's in there, like, "these are my people! i didn't know there was so many nazis in prison? what is this utopia?" that's where he is at. oh, and trump will also pardon the january 6th soldiers, right? [boos] because you know, he needs them back for the next january 6th. you don't want all your star players sitting on the bench. and he's being very coy about it, but there's another guy that i think donald trump is definitely going to pardon. >> mr. president, if you were reelected, would you pardon yourself? >> let me just tell you, i said, "the last thing i'd ever do is give myself a pardon." >> uh, i think he's lying! this dude is 100% going to

pardon himself! and he should. the pardon is the coolest power a president gets, and every president does it. even my boy, abraham lincoln. he pardoned his wife's sister. which i totally understand. i have a wife. you know how hard it is to argue with them? "oh, so you'll free the slaves but you're not going to free my sister?" [cheers and applause] lincoln sitting there just being like, "she's a bitch! she keeps saying my hat is gay! for the love of god, i hope i die at this play tonight." the only president who's being boring about pardons is our boring president joe biden. he won't even pardon his son, because supposedly "it wouldn't be right."

it's right! it doesn't matter. it's your right, joe. how bad was hunter, anyway? >> the president's son guilty of three felony counts for illegally possessing a gun while he was addicted to crack-cocaine. >> hunter biden spent money on strippers, on luxury cars, on drugs. >> smoking crack every 20 minutes or so. >> biden wired an employee money and labeled it a golf member deposit, when, according to prosecutors, it was used to purchase a membership in a sex club. >> okay. before we go any further, i want to put this on the record. i would party with hunter. [cheers and applause] [bleep], right? hit me up, dog. i am about that life. c'mon, joe, he's your flesh and blood. you know, flesh and blood, that

stuff that used to be in your face? just pardon him instead of wasting all your pardons on shit like this. >> thanksgiving is less than a week away here in the u.s. and two turkeys won't be on the dinner table, thanks to a presidential pardon. u.s. president joe biden pardoned peanut butter and jelly on friday. >> turkeys, dude? seriously? that's what were doing? turkeys do you feel bad for them just because they look like you? listen, if you think the pardon power is unfair, then change it in the constitution. but until then, you can't hate on it. i'll tell you something: if i were president, i'd be throwing pardons left and right. i'd be the oprah of pardons. look underneath your seat, tiger king, you're pardoned. i need another season. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: ricky velez, everybody! when we come back, eric idle will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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at total wireless, we are fixing that. no more hidden fees. ♪ no more surprises on your bill. you deserve to get it all. and that's exactly what we'll give you. find your local store at totalwireless.com. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an award-winning comedy legend and founding member of monty python whose latest book is "the spamalot diaries." please welcome eric idle! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i have to get it out of the way. this is a huge treat for me. i would not be doing comedy in this world if it was not for you

and the folks at monty python. so thank you. [cheers and applause] there was a 15 year period before i actually got legitimate employment in comedy and during those 15 years, i would have cursed you if i saw you on the street. but once i found a little bit of employment in comedy, now you have become a hero once again. thank you. >> thank you. that is very kind of you. i will take all the praise for that. thank you. >> jordan: you get it all. >> thank you. >> jordan: this book is fascinating. you said you kept a diary while you were working on "spamalot" on broadway and then you found it years later as you were cleaning out the house? >> i found it two years ago where we were moving, my wife and i were moving out of our big house to a smaller house. we call it "downsize abbey." something that happens as you get older, you will find out. you find all this shit you have accumulated for over 24 years, and i found that this diary that i kept during the time we were rehearsing and making "spamalot"

here in new york. and it was an eye-opener, actually. i rather enjoyed it. [laughter] it's all about how we quarreled and fought and lots of arguments and things, which i found fascinating. i kept it in the book because i think it is important that you can argue with people and disagree and fight, and it is okay. because you are making something creative. >> jordan: as you've gotten acclaim and have been writing a comedy for half of a freaking century -- [cheers and applause] one of the things i respect so much about you is you are still out there. you are still constantly creating. you are hitting the road in a week. have you seen a shift in the way people are responding to your humor? >> not to my particular humor, no. i opened sketch fest in january in san francisco,

and my job is to make them laugh. and i like to hear them laugh. i think it is a sickness. [laughter] i think you desperately need reassurance. terrible weakness. [laughs] but it makes me happy to do that. i like my job. and i also think my job is cheering people up, so i always have to say, always look on the bright side of life. [cheers and applause] which is funny, because it has become the number one funeral song in england. >> jordan: i would consider it for my funeral. either that or "love in the elevator" by aerosmith. i haven't decided yet. living it up while you are going down. but it is. there is something about it. i joke about it, but it is true. what is it like having the last word on somebody's life? >> well, i am not there. [laughter] you know? actually, i think it is rather good. i think it is very healthy. you know, these times of great

emotion, i think laughter and tears are very close together. and it is nice to be able to sing, everybody sings. and i think that is very healthy. i think it is much healthier than some dirgey old hymn, or her. >> jordan: [laughs] >> jordan: thank you for making me laugh and the world laugh for so long and good luck continuing in new zealand. check your flightto make sure you are going to the right spot. "the spamalot diaries" is available now. eric idle. [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ gum problems could be the start of a domino effect parodontax active gum repair breath freshener clinically proven to help reverse

the 4 signs of early gum disease a toothpaste from parodontax, the gum experts. we work hard, and we pay our taxes. but billionaires are getting away with paying less in taxes than we do. donald trump gave them a huge tax break and wants to give them another one. you're rich as hell. we're going to give you tax cuts. well, i'm not rich as hell. kamala harris will cut taxes for working people and make billionaires and big corporations pay their fair share. trump is fighting for rich guys like himself. kamala is fighting for us. [narrator] ff pac is responsible for the content of this ad. at harbor freight, we design and test our own tools... and sell them directly to you. no middleman. whatever you do, do it for less at harbor freight.

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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight, but before we go, world central kitchen is on the ground now providing meals to communities impacted by the recent hurricanes. if you can, please support this amazing organization in their work at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> mr. president, have you spoken with president trump at all? >> are you kidding me? mr. president trump, former president trump? get a life, man. help these people. >> you said you were going to hold them accountable.

will you speak with former will you speak with former president ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ [children shouting, laughing] [whistle blows] go, stewie! ha! isn't this exciting? yeah, but i don't like little kyle kaepernick kneeling during the national anthem. [♪ "star-spangled banner" playing] boo! get on your feet! boo! down in front. okay, need to stay focused.

what are those for? power songs that get me focused. ♪ the wheels on the bus go round and round ♪ ♪ all through the town ♪ it's the same thing ryan lochte listens to before a race. stewie, you're taking this way too seriously. it's a meaningless event, like a bar mitzvah. today you are a man. -great. can i drive? -no. -can i vote? -no. -can i drink? -no. -can i have sex? -no. -can i cash the checks? -yes! [singing] [♪♪♪] [indistinct chatter] lois, why'd we got to come here? this place is a bunch of rich snobs. we have lunch with my parents twice a year. consider yourself lucky. under normal circumstances, you'd never be allowed in a place like this. griffin, come on. they're waiting for your order. sorry. do you have oysters? -we do not. -aw, shucks. [laughter]