- ok. well, then-- [tense music] --i don't know your name. - what? - [laughs] i know, right? - but you met my family. - and they didn't call you by your name one time. it was crazy. - i let you touch my tatas. - and i didn't want to go any further without telling you the truth. wow. this feels good. - well, how does this feel? - ooh! [groans] - oh my god, dude. she touched our balls! - ♪ everybody still hates chris ♪ [vocalizing] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. trump and kamala focus on their problem areas, president obama holds an intervention, and fox news locks trump in a room full of women. so let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] in the race for president, there are certain demographics that the candidates can depend on. for instance, donald trump has locked down evangelicals, blue collar men, teenage boys who call their mom "bitch," frat boys who sing the n-word in rap songs, and americans who consider joe rogan their primary care physician. but when it comes to women voters, trump is polling slightly below a yeast infection.

and i know what you're thinking. "but desi, he's groped so many women!" i know! and yet, still he trails. so today, the trump campaign -- i mean fox news -- organized a town hall for him with an all-female audience. and just take a look at this set they built, with an old-timey wagon, and bales of hay. it's a reminder of the good old days when men were men, and women weren't allowed to vote. but go ahead, donald. reassure women that you're on their side. just don't make it creepy. >> ivf you had mentioned before, ivf. >> right. let's get this question because i believe that's what this is about. >> oh, i want to talk about ivf. [laughter] i'm the father -- >> you don't hear that everyday. >> i'm the father. i'm the father of ivf, so i want to hear this question. >> desi: so close! so close. it's not enough to say you support ivf, you've got to make it weird and say, "i'm the father of ivf?"

it sounds like he broke into the lab and fertilized all the eggs with his own puddin'. now i can never eat pudding again! ok, so darth trump is ivf's father. i didn't see that coming. but what about other important issues? well, fox wasn't so cruel as to put trump in front of a room of any women. they hand-selected conservative supporters, which might explain why one particular "women's issue" came up. >> how do you plan on addressing the transgender issue in women's sports? >> we stop it. we absolutely stop it. you can't have it. >> how do you stop it? do you go to the sports leagues? do you go to the olympic -- >> you just ban it. the president bans it. you don't let it happen. [boos] >> desi: yes, as everyone knows the president has three major responsibilities: commanding the military, signing bills into law, and personally managing the rules for every jv field hockey team.

it's right there in the constitution on page "what the [bleep] are you talking about?" that is not a presidential power. i shouldn't have to explain this to somebody who has already been president! does he think the supreme court will just let him do -- oh, yeah, okay, they probably will. but while trump's reaching out to women, kamala is trying to shore up her support with a different demographic: black men. which is crazy, i really thought that taylor swift endorsement would totally seal it. but in the past few days, kamala's gone on "the breakfast club," "roland martin," "the shade room." all the shows that make your racist uncle lock the car doors when they come on the radio. and in addition to her interviews, she's released a plan specifically aimed at winning over black male voters. >> harris announced a new plan aimed at winning them over, including one million forgivable small business loans, a focus on

health issues that disproportionately affect black men, and legalizing recreational marijuana to boost the industry and create new jobs. >> it also supports pathways for black men to become educators, promises to protect their crypto currency investments. >> desi: wait, i get the business loans and health care, but crypto? i guess because black men deserve the opportunity to be scammed like everyone else? and legalizing weed should be popular, too, but kamala is a former prosecutor, so it's always a little suspicious when a cop approaches black men to offer them marijuana. "psst, hey, i heard you guys like drugs. me too." but there's one black man that kamala definitely doesn't need to win over. that's right, barack obama! barack, give us that sweet, sweet hope and change! >> former president barack obama

delivering a surprise lecture to black men today, accusing them of having sexist reasons for not wanting to vote for kamala harris. >> part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren't feeling the idea of having a woman as president and you are coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for it. so now you are thinking about sitting out or even supporting somebody who has a history of denigrating you, because you think that's a sign of strength? because that's what being a man is, putting women down? that is not acceptable. [cheers and applause]

>> desi: ooh, you're in trouble! i think this was the first time someone told an entire demographic it was grounded. i kind of feel bad for the guys in that room. they were like, "president obama's coming in today! what's he going to talk about?" "how much you suck shit!" now as much as harris is focusing on black men, it's important to have some perspective. because polls show kamala is getting support from about 80% of black men, versus about 20% for trump. or as trump would put it: >> and my numbers with black and, especially black men -- i love black men, i love them. i love them. i have gone through the roof with black men. black men. >> desi: bl-ack men. he says it like he's been practicing really hard not to call them something else.

[applause] for more on these demographics and their support, we go live to an atlanta barbershop with josh johnson! [cheers and applause] josh, i think it's obvious what i want to ask you about. you're at the barber shop. what do women want? >> thank you, desi. i assumed you'd ask me about this. women want a candidate who puts them in control of not just their bodies, but their economic futures. you know when you're out to brunch with your besties, and you're sipping on apple cider mimosas, living for fall, and you realize jessica couldn't come because childcare costs more than a girls' trip to ibiza? that's what this election is about for women and also i assume black men, but you tell me.

i'm no expert. >> desi: well, i think what black men want right now is equal opportunity. they want a criminal justice system that isn't wack. especially when it comes to marijuana charges. you know when you're hoopin' on the courts with the squad, except your point guard davonte got scooped up by 5-0 for holding the same thing the white man's writing prescriptions for uptown. so now instead of running 5s, you've got to run 4s? that's what this election is about. [cheers and applause] >> i've never thought about it that way. but women can relate to that, especially with the wage gap. how many times have the girls been having a total sunday funday, i mean hitting -- i mean hitting william sonoma because they got 20% off alpaca throws, but then you get to pilates class, and mark is subbing for cindy?

but his playlist has no chappell, no charli, no taytay, but you know he probably makes more money than her? that's what's this election is about. >> desi: yeah. peep this. what black men want is financial stability. you know when you're at the club sippin' henny and you see a shorty from across the room and she's thicc. so you want to take her back to your crib but you live with your moms 'cause the housing market go crazy. that, that is what this election is about. >> for sure-zies. inflation is giving a lot of people the ick. have you seen how expensive it is just to get your bangs trimmed? >> desi: can't be worse than the price of du rags. >> totes. [laughs] >> desi: of course, with all the

focus on women and black men, i do wonder if there are other demographics that are feeling left out. >> yes, hello! thank you! >> desi: oh! troy! troy iwata. [cheers and applause] amazing! i assume you're on fire island at a drag brunch? >> i'm in my home, desi. >> desi: oh. >> i'm reporting in because someone needs to speak for a community i care deeply about: the rural football dads. no one cares about their issues? are the candidates just going to let nfl defenses keep the two-high safety concept? it makes the games so boring! [spits] let's go! >> men and their football. >> desi: tight. thank you, troy iwata and josh johnson, everyone!

when we come back, we find out what the clowns want in this election. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ this one is for you.

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the votes of key demographics. but there's one demographic they might be forgetting. troy iwata has more. >> like most presidential elections, this election will be determined by disengaged working-class independent voters from a few midwest states. so i'm at a gathering of such voters in thornhill, ohio. okay, it is 2024. we have a very exciting presidential election come up. everybody is really happy about it. who are you voting for? >> [bleep] nobody. >> no. >> are you going to vote? >> hell no. >> why don't you plan to vote? >> because you are voting for two people who pretty much doesn't care about your existence. >> there is nothing that has been proving it for as low income people, it has been [bleep] shit. >> i have never voted in my life. i never will vote. i don't want to get involved in politics. >> yes, this is the gathering of the juggalos come a music festival where young people in america's heartland explore new frontiers in fashion, self-care,

and the arts. while enjoying the music of insane clown posse and other popular acts of the murder clown genre. these tens of thousands of disengaged youths could be a powerful voting bloc, if only a political party would address the issues they care about. >> 100%, i believe global warming as we are at real. it gets hotter and hotter and hotter. >> it is 9:00 a.m. and you already have your shirt off. [laughs] >> how do you feel about cutting taxes for billionaires? >> yes, billionaires should pay more taxes. in a way, they are clowns. >> legalizing drugs, trans rights, women's rights. our ethers are based on whoever you want to be. >> you want to be a trans killer clown, my homies. >> i'm really glad that the killer clown community has opened up to the trans community as well. >> there is one policy preference the juggalettes feel particularly strong about. >> abortion. >> no one has control over that. but you don't want get knotted in and have [bleep] babies all

the time. i want to be child. my 20s. >> i want to put that on a t-shirt, by the way. >> yes. that will be a killer teacher. >> want to personally, the juggalos weren't interested in third party candidate and are picked turned out to be more of a politically viable. >> the world to be of much better place if there was a juggalo. >> we need a juggalo community. >> honestly, i like how that mind-set works. i would have them up in the white house. >> i would say shaggy as president. >> makes sense too because president violent jay. might scare some people. >> of course, the juggalos would want one of their and their white house to find out if violent jay would accept the nomination. >> [bleep], no. no amount of money. you got to go places, they give you an itinerary, got to get a ball early and shit. >> the number one qualification of the president.

>> even though violent j refused the mandate of commander in chief, he had good policy ideas for in everything from mass deportation. >> [bleep] that. i don't know why there was that while shit. >> to women's right. >> the right to be a [bleep] shit. >> environmental conservation. >> we think we are the superior [bleep] animal on this planet. let me tell you what the superior animal is, a whale. >> it is the biggest. >> progressive taxation. >> my mom, the democrats are basically saying less taxes on the poor, more taxes on the rich. >> i'm assuming you pay taxes. >> up the [bleep] a nice and i'm happy about it. i will play double what they ask. >> i am starting to get a sense of where violent j is on the issues. but did the head of the insane clown nation find himself in any of the candidates to lead our nation? >> pussy hole on the fact that he refused to paint his beard, you know what i mean? >> he's a pussy because he didn't paint his beer.

>> a little dt. >> [bleep] him because he is all about that wall. >> this is tim walz. this is kamala harris' vp. >> who? >> this is her vp. >> vice president. >> yeah. >> [laughs] i am absolutely opinion-list on that man. >> i will ask you about kamala. >> i want her to a map because she's a democrat and i love my mom. >> okay. that is a beautiful sentiment. >> how do you say her first name? >> kamala. >> kamala? [laughs] kamala? >> like comma-la. that is fresh. >> sorry, they are kicking in. >> i forgot mine. >> so violent j is backing

harris. see, not all juggalos are sitting this election out. oh what are the odds he is going to arrive or to vote on novembe? >> [laughs] that is what i'm saying! [laughs] look at you! i am voting. [cheers and applause] >> desi: thank you, troy. when we come back, jason segel will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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emmy-nominated actor who stars in the apple tv+ series "shrinking." >> you can't hide from your past forever. >> i am just not ready yet. >> it's okay. you know why? because one day, you will be. >> that's it? you are not going to start jimmying me? >> jimmying you? >> you know, the weird therapy shit you do outside of the office that paul hates? >> yeah, i'm taking a little break from that. getting back to basics. i have to be normal. >> okay, cool. >> jimmying, though, huh? i like that. >> dear god. >> desi: please welcome jason segel! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> desi: got big fans here. we are all huge fans of yours. >> thanks. i am a huge fan of yours

actually. >> desi: thank you. >> i think what you do is really important. >> desi: oh, that is very kind. >> it is true. >> desi: i have loved you since "freaks and geeks." >> yeah, the good old days. [cheers and applause] >> desi: oh, my gosh. "forgetting sarah marshall" is still one of the greatest rom-coms of all time. still holds up. >> thank you. wow. [cheers and applause] >> desi: and nominated for an emmy last year for season one of "shrinking." now you are back at it, season two. you are not just starring in this show. you cocreated it with bill lawrence and brett goldstein. how did that all come about? >> i am really lucky. i got kind of a free ride on this one in that i got a call from bill and brett. they both had an idea about a therapist going through a nervous breakdown and they got in touch with me and asked if i wanted to play the guy. actually, the truth of the story is apparently, i was on a walk and i was listening -- i know what i was listening to at the time. i was listening to "signed, sealed, delivered" by stevie wonder. and i was walking along, kind of

dancing to myself and apparently, the producer texted bill lawrence, "just saw jason segel. he seems happy. let's do a show with him." [laughter] >> desi: your chemistry is so good with harrison ford on this show. you have this great buddy comedy dynamic. how did you get him to sign on to do comedy? did he see your full frontal scene in "forgetting sarah marshall?" because i'll be honest, it's the whole reason you are here today. >> yeah, i accept that. i have not told this story actually. it's funny you asked because i know you are joking. he was not that familiar with me. and so they said, you should watch "forgetting sarah marshall." you will get a sense of what this guy does. apparently, he went off and he watched it, and he texted bill lawrence, "i am in, btw, good dick." [laughter and cheering]

and i have it framed. [laughter] >> desi: good! >> i have the text printed and framed. [laughter] >> desi: i feel like you could almost retire after that. not that anyone wants you to but you got harrison ford to complement your dick. >> good job, kid. >> desi: you should have gotten that emmy. >> i know. pretty cool, right? >> desi: you also work with one of our "the daily show" alums, the brilliant jessica williams. >> the best. the best. >> desi: she really is. [cheers and applause] >> i am sure you know and relate, but doing improv is a vulnerable thing. and there is a sense that if you go past the line, it can be embarrassing. if you get it wrong, it can be embarrassing. and i have never had a costar be so there to catch the ball and throw it back with the mentality that if this ship is going down, we will go down together. i will ride the titanic down with you. i haven't felt this way since paul rudd. i feel like i have a teammate that i can depend on till the

end. >> desi: that's so cool. we love her. we miss her very much. does she ever talk about us? >> yeah, yeah. all the time. >> desi: that is a lie. you are a good actor, though. you have just wrapped season 2 of "shrinking." what are you doing next? >> i am leaving tomorrow to go to finland to make an action movie. >> desi: the coolest thing that you possibly could have said! >> yeah. [cheers and applause] >> [laughs] >> desi: well, i think i know what your superhero attribute is. >> what's that? >> desi: well, harrison ford said it. >> yes, yeah. i forget that i am i gigantic human being, and when i do this fight choreography, in my head, i am small. i am kermit in my own brain. but it turns out, i look like a one-man killing machine when i'm doing these fight scenes. it is really exciting. >> desi: are you allowed to talk about the premise? >> no, i can't yet. >> desi: totally. but you go and film tomorrow. >> yeah, and i have abs right now. >> desi: oh, my god!

[cheers and applause] >> yeah. >> desi: you say that like i feel like you want to show us. is that true? [cheers and applause] >> i promised harrison could see them first. >> desi: yes, that is fair. please give him my regards. >> i will. >> desi: jason segel, everyone! [cheers and applause] season 2 of "shrinking" premieres today on apple tv+. we are going to take a quick break. we will be right back after this! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪♪

let's unretire. ♪♪ why not? ♪♪ pepsi! hey, hey, hey. i need that senior discount. ♪♪ i'm good right here, bro. ♪♪ my dad's the therapist. shouldn't he be picking up on the fact that i'm picking up on the fact that he might be freaking out? i can't believe i followed that. ♪♪ something changed a few months ago. ooh! felt like you came back to life. yeah! ♪ the sky is blue, oh finally... ♪ ♪...been dreamin' of this for a while... ♪ this is the part i normally storm away. do you want me to do it for you? sure. god, dad. ugh. shrinking. only on apple tv+. liberty mutual customized my car insurance so i saved hundreds. with the money i saved i thought i'd get a wax figure of myself. cool right? look at this craftmanship. i mean they even got my nostrils right. it's just nice to know that years after

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so i was dating this guy chris for years. i wanted to buy a house. chris didn't. then i realized, i don't need to be with someone to buy a house. i could do it on my own. introducing new eroxon gel, the first fda-cleared ed treatment available without a prescription. eroxon gel is clinically proven to work within ten minutes, so you and your partner can experience the heights of intimacy. new eroxon ed treatment gel. [cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: "the daily show's" official "indecision 2024" merch just dropped! proceeds will benefit headcount, a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization that promotes voter registration. if you want to support headcount and look great on election day, scan the qr code or head to the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i have gone through the roof with black men.

black men. i don't do quite as well with black women, i must say. i don't know why. but i am sure that will work out too. >> sorry. [militaristic drum cadence] - today nerds are cool, but in the '80s, we had a whole class dedicated to reminding us we weren't, gym. [groaning] - [sniff] i love the smell of torn underwear in the morning. - but misery loves company, and my company was greg. i was lucky to have him, especially because it was the most miserable time of year, dodgeball week. [sighs] are you ready for this? - here. i have an extra. - i don't want your hand-me-down cup. - if you don't use one, you'll need some hand-me-down nuts. - dodgeball was five days of state-sanctioned child warfare. it started in pe. [whistle blows] ugh! [whistle blows] but it affected every class in school,

social studies, science. we weren't even safe if we were right outside the principal's office. ugh! seriously? huh? [mysterious music] ♪ ♪ - thank you for being a friend. - greg, i found a way for us to dodge dodgeball. - what is it? seducing principal morello? you should do that. you know she likes her milk chocolate. - no, look. it says if students start a club based on physical activity, they're excused from gym class. we should start a club. - you're a friggin' genius! but we gotta do this soon. i'm running out of underwear. - and i'm down to my last pair. [gasps] and now they're ruined. [upbeat hip-hop music] - this rules. we'll finally have a place where we can chill and not have things flying at our heads. - that's why we have to fly under the radar. so let's pick an activity no one likes. tennis? - no way. white people love tennis. it's the only sport we still dominate. - not for long.