great vice president of the united states, and i am all in for kamala harris and tim walz. [cheers and applause] >> jon: right. and you have been, by the way, really barnstorming pennsylvania. i mean, really. do you come what is the key in pennsylvania that you believe, he has a tremendous amount of strength in the rural areas. does it come down to once again to the suburbs of bucks county? is it about turnout in philadelphia? what are the parameters of what makes -- pennsylvania has a couple hit a place? >> governor shapiro: i guess the answer is all of the above. you mentioned bucks county, pretty springy county in a swing state, philly is important. but don't rule out those rural areas. i spent a lot of time out there, listening to folks. they will deliver for a democrat. >> jon: they did. years ago, those were really blue areas, the blue-collar areas. >> governor shapiro: some of that has changed over time but part of it is, i think, they have been sort of thirsting for someone who is going to speak to

their challenge. i will give you one example. when i was running for governor, i spent a lot of time in those communities. i remember being in a hunt club in butler county, and one of the folks was talking to me about the fact that they feel like they can never get ahead. they don't have a college degree, feel like they can never get ahead. folks in government are never actually talking to them. never trying to lift them up. first thing i did when i got elected governor, literally, the first executive order i signed was to do away with a college degree acquirement 492% of state government jobs. it is 66,000 jobs. >> jon: that is a requirement? you can't work as a government without a college degree? >> governor shapiro: now you can. >> jon: our most states like that? >> governor shapiro: i can't speak to other states. >> jon: i'm surprised by that. >> governor shapiro: we set these artificial barriers to entry, where folks are not given a shot. i think people should have the freedom to chart their own course and the opportunity to succeed. when you say to someone, hey, we don't value your military service, we don't value your service and the union just because you didn't go to

college, that says to a whole swath of the public, we are not into you. we are not there for you matthew. kamala harris, she is showing up in those communities that i spent a lot of time and come and she announced that the federal government would be doing away with a college degree requirement, opening up the doors of opportunity. >> jon: as it should be. i did not know that was a requirement. >> governor shapiro: i think i think democrats should never write off these rural communities. we have to show up, speak to people, make sure that we can deliver for them. >> jon: i'm surprised sometimes because i do hear that a lot, about, oh, people don't talk to those communities, but in general, i think there is a great deal of respect for heartland communities. if anything, i have always felt kind of the opposite, that there is this feeling that that is real america, and that in areas, and the cities and things like that, that that is -- that is looked down upon or that is ridiculed. so i think, all of those communities, maybe it is less of a blue-red state divided more of

an urban-rural kind of divide. >> governor shapiro: you get in trouble if you ever say one part of america is more real than any other part of america. >> jon: they do not all the time. all you remember is the democrats are communists who don't live in real america, and -- >> governor shapiro: i think the republicans do that. but democrats are doing a far better job of and i think you are seeing it more and more in this campaign is treating all people with respect. no matter what you look like, where you come from, who you love or who you pray to. that is one of the biggest beefs i had with donald trump. he is always trying to create others in our societies, separating people. you talk about this in your open. when you start separating out one person because they live in this community, they worship a certain way, you make everyone less safe. you limit the possibility of not just them, but of all americans. >> jon: it is also easy. they are not just separating people. they are separating the people who are most vulnerable.

i live in new york city. every commercial is either, we are being overrun by hordes of gang members that are illegal or trans people are taking over all of women's sports. and you really do think sometimes, like, oh, shit, they are? like, it actually -- it gets to you and you realize, that is a strategy. to find the most vulnerable people, that people don't really protect, and blow it out to be as though it is the most crucial issue that anybody could see. >> governor shapiro: dividing us. donald trump plays a game every day of subtraction, right? i think we are trying to play a game of addition. bring more people into the conversation. engaging more people. i think when you divide people the way trump is, you may get some short-term political win. >> jon: like the presidency. [laughter] >> governor shapiro: let's hope not. >> jon: i'm just saying. >> governor shapiro: but i think it is dangerous and

instructive for america. >> jon: dangerous and instructive for america. here's another one. they are saying this on maybe one of the crucial issues of the entire election, which is, israel, gaza, palestine. you and i are both, i would say, 5'7ish" jews. >> governor shapiro: i go with 5'9" on my card. >> jon: i am sure you do. do you need me to scribble on that card for you, i would be happy to. >> governor shapiro: where are we going with this, jon? >> jon: so i find that because i'm jewish, people turn to me and immediately go, israel will do something and they will turn to me and go, you are going to let that happen? >> governor shapiro: you must be an expert. >> jon: you must be an expert or something like that. in truth, i want to know your level of discomfort with the way things are progressing and what impact it may have on the election. because you and i are both raised probably in a very similar way, to always be on the side of israel and never again

and all those other things. and it has been really uncomfortable to have big cracks in that facade for me. and i wonder if you face the same thing. >> governor shapiro: yeah. obviously, folks ask me about it all the time as i am sure they ask you. i haven't found it in my job description as governor of pennsylvania but i am happy to oblige and address it. >> jon: right. you don't get to make treaties and things like that. >> governor shapiro: no, we don't do that. >> jon: you never thought about attacking delaware? >> governor shapiro: [laughs] i do think we could take them. but i do love delaware. >> jon: no problem. >> governor shapiro: listen, i have enough capacity in my heart to mourn for the israelis for what happened on october 7th. it was horrible. hamas is a terrorist group and hamas murdered 1200 people. they took 250 people hostage, including americans, jon, and they brutally we have been sexually assaulted women. it was awful.

and we have a lot of capacity in my heart to mourn for those and to feel horrible for what happened. i also have the capacity in my heart to see what is happening in gaza, to these innocent folks, these women and children, and i mourn for them as well. i want these hostages home! i want this war to end! and i want us to figure out a way -- [applause] >> jon: because it seems like a logical human answer, which is, oh, i mourn for the hostages and i mourn for the lives lost and i also think what is happening in gaza is untenable and tragic and a catastrophe. so why do we feel so helpless? it just -- how are we not able to impact and bring back to a close? have you -- do you think about how that will come to a close? how do we get a free and save israel and a free and safe and independent palestine? >> governor shapiro: look, my hope is that with the hostages

immediately return home, within end to this war, that we can create an environment, not just in israel and in gaza, but throughout the middle east, where folks want peace. where we actually have leaders who are willing to make peace. >> jon: but i think the folks do. it seems like the leaders are the one -- >> governor shapiro: i'm saying that. i'm trying to be real here. look, hamas is a terrorist group. they are not interested in making peace. i would argue, benjamin netanyahu is not interested in making peace. so you've got people who are in theory supposed to be sitting at the table and discussing ways to try and help their people exist who don't actually want that. now i am not putting netanyahu on the same scale as a terrorist group. i want to be really clear and really precise in my words. but we have got to involve a broader middle east coalition. we have got to involve other nations of the world who will hopefully be able to come in and

create the opportunity for a secure israel, for a peaceful place for palestinians to be able to live. >> jon: independent free state. >> governor shapiro: economic opportunities. i do believe -- no, no, i do believe in a two state solution, and i have for some time. [cheers and applause] >> jon: look at this. this is, but either way, what is happening right now is every passover dinner throughout generally my entire lifetime. >> governor shapiro: is this what it is? >> jon: most of my relatives are not politically aligned with -- where i am. >> governor shapiro: okay. >> jon: so a lot of times at dinner, it gets feisty. >> governor shapiro: does it? you would knock those arguments? >> jon: i do not. it generally ends with them just going, "then leave!" >> governor shapiro: in your own home or? >> jon: usually. well, listen, man, i know these are all difficult conversations and those kinds of things. i appreciate you being here.

any advice for those who are just trying to survive that final week and get into the election and any advice to people that have friends in pennsylvania, that can urge them to do anything to get involved? >> governor shapiro: i would say, anybody from new york, hop on a train, hop on a bus, hop in a car, bike, whatever, come to pennsylvania, knock on some doors and take the energy that you have and channel it into action. we can use a whole lot more help there. we have a whole of a ground game in pennsylvania, we can get people to support us. >> jon: the people in pennsylvania, if we were also show up on bicycles -- >> governor shapiro: i would not show up in a mets hat. i would not show up in a giants jersey. >> jon: do you know, i have a pet, brunson of the knicks, he bet me that if the giants lose o come to madison square garden in a saquon barkley eagles jersey. i don't know if you're a member,

the eagles beat the giants! >> governor shapiro: i remember. >> jon: i have to go through that humiliation. >> governor shapiro: i look forward to that. >> jon: ladies and gentlemen, governor josh shapiro. [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, that's our show for tonight! but before we go, let's check with our very own jordan klepper and ronny chieng! guys, what's coming up? [cheers and applause] what do we got? >> well, jon, i'm hosting "the daily show" all this week! >> and i have an election special airing tonight, right after "the daily show," where i go to trump rallies with some very special guests. do not miss it! [cheers and applause] >> jon: that sounds great! >> yep! but which one sounds better to you, jon? >> yeah, jon, who do you endorse? >> before you answer, remember that ronny chieng wants to eat your cats and dogs. >> well, jordan told me he thinks hitler had good ideas. >> jon: all right. i don't know if you know this but it's not like the election. i can just watch them both.

>> that is true. that is very true. >> that is fair. but jordan still likes hitler. >> jon: ronny chieng all this week, everybody. and check out jordan's special, airing tonight. here it is, your "moment of zen." [crowd chanting "usa"] [cheers and applause] >> sorry. jordan klepper: for the last eight years, i've been a tourist in the maga-verse. and after attending dozens of rallies, talking to hundreds, maybe thousands, of maga loyalists, i'm sick and tired of doing this alone. so now i'm bringing along some friends and traveling to three swing states to help me see this madness from a fresh perspective, and maybe, for one last time, rally together. [energetic music]

# # first off, detroit, michigan, where i've invited jeremy o. harris the acclaimed actor and playwright, whose hit broadway show, slave play, received a record 12 tony nominations. who better to help me understand the music, dancing, and rambling monologues that make trump rallies political theater? i'm wondering what your expectations, as somebody who understands theater-- what your expectations of a donald trump theatrical performance might be? i think his theater was much better first go around-- mm-hmm. no one knew where it was going to go. mm-hmm. and he still has that same verve of like a showman. mm-hmm. but the lines are stale now. it feels like the show hasn't evolved over the last eight years. no, it's like people going to see chicago, who've seen it 15,000 times. like, they know it's not going to change just because, you know, a new real housewife is in it. mm-hmm. but like-- but they-- but they-- they kind of love the dances, even if everyone's a little more tired.

jordan klepper: so does the show still have legs? i have plays on broadway, so i think about, like, the sort of-- like, how taxing it is for any performer to be in a show for a long time. mm-hmm. does it-- do you feel the fatigue from him or anyone else that are coming out? or, do you feel like it feels the same-- i do feel the-- since butler he has-- i think he's calmed down a lot. i think it's a good thing. i think he need to, you know, cut back a little bit. # i went to the doctor # # and guess what he told me # you see what trump is doing now, just playing music and swaying? [rock music] is he trying to workshop a jukebox musical here? - that's experimental theater. - oh. yeah. and that is one of the things that keeps him interesting. i was going to say, because jukebox musicals feels like it's low-hanging fruit. that was like something more akin to like a richard maxwell performance. and that's deep downtown new york theater. y.m.c.a. # what should somebody who has never seen the trump show expect? he just tells it like it is. tells it like it is. do you know shakespeare at all?

i follow him a little bit. ok. is he more of a hamlet or a macbeth or like, a king lear? if you had to choose. king leader. does king lear-- does he want to [bleep] his daughters in king lear? he doesn't want to [bleep] his daughters, but he's very close to them. and trump is not a hamlet. no, he's not a hamlet. too much introspection with hamlet. - yeah. - although, i will say this. macbeth is interesting. melania, more of a lady macbeth. yes, i mean, i think melania probably says unsex me, unsex me a lot. [vocalizing] jordan klepper: but it's not just the performances. it's also his choice of venue. a week ago, trump dog detroit. he said if kamala gets in office, every city's going to look like detroit pejoratively. yeah. how do you think that will resonate here? - i think they'll love it. - yeah. i think it's like when matt rife makes fun of your wife. you know what i mean? like, it's like-- [laughs] i mean, not for me, but for that audience. right? someone who wants, like to be negged. that-- like, it's a cuck audience? yeah, it's a cuck audience. it's a real cuck audience. [laughter] because i haven't thought about it that way, but that makes a lot of [bleep] sense. so what do these cucks think of trump attacking their city?

our whole country will end up being like detroit if she's your president. i understand what trump said. with that comment, he's looking at the blight of the houses that have not been torn down or anything like that, the abandoned factories that have yet to have been cleaned up. why didn't he say that? donald trump at this age-- at his age, he's had the eloquent speaking sessions of his life and all that. - you're saying he-- he doesn't give a [bleep] right now. we already-- we're past prime eloquence donald trump. right, yeah. we're in like baddie-- detroit bad, me good, vote now, vote january. oops, november. you ever seen-- the birth of a nation. no, no, no, no. the really old guy. gran torino movie. clint eastwood. yeah. think about the way that clint eastwood spoke in that movie. he's an old man. wait, that's the racist guy. i wouldn't say he was racist. there's a mexican, a jew and a colored guy go into a bar. i don't think he'd like me on his lawn. jordan klepper: if they can't spot this racism, can they spot any racism?

trump just said today that all of the stuff about america being built on the back of slaves of this being stolen land, if that's in a textbook, he's taking it out. - ok. - yeah. i wrote a play called slave play. and i can't teach my own play in parts of virginia and in parts of florida because of republican like lies around how our country was founded. i can kind of see why they don't want that taught in the schools. why? maybe the history should be taught at home, maybe because it makes people so divisive. but what history isn't divisive? like every history-- correct. we do not teach jewish history in the classroom. yes, we did. what do we teach? the holocaust. i didn't learn that. it's weird to ask this, but i'm at a trump rally. holocaust, real or fake? i'm pretty sure it was real. landing on the moon, real or fake? it was such a perfect mission, i'm skeptical.

interesting. jordan klepper: ok. a little out there, but at least she has an open mind. what you do in your bedroom or who you-- or who you choose to have sex in front of or who you choose to have sex with is your business. free r. kelly. jordan klepper: perhaps too open. that was-- i didn't-- you know-- you said-- you know what? you got that trump weave going on. we were all the way over here and then we got an "r. kelly" come in there. you have really been studying. i did not have r. kelly truth on the bingo card. it is something interesting because it's like the fans of anything tell you a lot about the psyche of the person, like that they're standing, right? i feel-- like i actually feel like worried for america. jordan klepper: and there's plenty to be worried about. in the wake of the dobbs decision and jd vance's crusade agsion and jd vance's crusade against childless cat ladies, critics fear a second trump dystopia, although trump says he'll be great for the ladies. as president, i have to be your protector. you will no longer be abandoned, lonely or scared. you will no longer be thinking about abortion.

jordan klepper: so next up, latrobe, pennsylvania. i figured i'd bring some friends who don't buy the whole protector narrative. corinne fisher and krystyna hutchinson, host of the sex positive anti-slut shaming podcast guys we [bleep]. people know you. guys we [bleep] is your podcast. - yes. - yeah. even as i said it out loud, i got embarrassed as i got to the last word. - it's ok. that makes me feel old. have you ever had sex, jordan? i don't want to talk about this. [laughter] jordan klepper: ok, let's talk about anything else, like merchandise. what t-shirts are catching your eyes? i mean, miss me bitch. - miss me bitch is great. - oh, ok. this is what i want that. - what? the floaty? - how much is this? daddy's home. she's not a hoe. i'm a hoe. oh, ok. hoe recognize hoe. it's not her. - not her. nah. jordan klepper: corinne, krystyna, kevin seem to be fitting in, so i decided to introduce them to some diehard trump roadies and really get into the issues. oh, my god, a pumpkin. this is a grateful dead pumpkin? trumpkin. that's a trumpkin. a trumpkin, of course it is. - you guys deadheads too? - i am, yes.

of course. i was born dead. you were born dead. me too, girl. let me tell you, i feel close to death every time i come out here. - yeah. [laughter] i was curious what news sources you guys follow and which ones you do trust. i ask questions from my lord above. yeah. and honestly, i get a lot of stuff from x. so god and twitter. jordan klepper: they were welcome at the tailgate. but how welcoming is a party that also says this? we're effectively run in this country by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made. you go to the polls in this country as a parent, you should have more of an ability to speak your voice in our democratic republic than people who don't have kids. jd vance often says if you don't have kids, you don't have a stake in the future. - right. - did you have kids? yes. does that make your voice more important than people who don't have kids? - yes. - it does? - yes. - should you get two votes? - yes. - wow. - oh, wow. yeah. wow. what do you think of his childless cat lady comments? i know some childless cat ladies, so-- what do you think of them? i think he's--

i think he's pretty on. - for abortion? do you have any children? how old are you? you're a childless 42-year-old man. should you have less of a say? i mean, i'm a veteran. i was-- what if it was the childless woman was a veteran? what i'm trying to get at is-- i mean-- you got me here thinking here. i love that. jordan klepper: but there's another issue maga refuses to rethink. what do you feel about women's rights, like a woman's right to choose what to do with her body? the abortion issue, that's a sticky issue for people. i am pro-life. pro-life, pro-life, pro-life, pro-life. it should not be a form of birth control. i've never met a woman that uses abortion as birth control. i've seen a lot on tv. i've seen a lot in the streets when i'm downtown working. abortions on the streets? oh, gosh, no. but that's not happening, because that's murder. yeah. have you seen articles on that? yeah, i did read something this past summer,

and i wish i could cite the source. yeah, me too. the past remarks that trump has made about women-- grab them by the pussy, you could do whatever you want. like, do those bother you? do those affect you at all? - i don't believe that. - it doesn't bother me. just want to check. donald trump was accused of numerous counts of sexual assault. does that change how you feel about him as-- - it does not. no. i think if we look at the women president trump has been married to, they're pretty glamorous and pretty gorgeous women. - mm-hmm. so the e. jean carroll case, i'm thinking that's probably-- it didn't happen. she wasn't hot enough to get raped? [chuckles] i don't think she was a very attractive person. and i really don't believe the whole story. jordan klepper: the conversation with that lady, what were your thoughts? - i just-- it was a bit of a roller coaster for me. the sexual assault thing-- yeah. like the going-- going down the route of e. jean carroll is not attractive enough-- you know, she's unattractive and doesn't get attention from men. and so this was the only route that she could take. right. as we all know, if you're a-- you know, a 6, you have to accuse the president of raping you.

yeah. and be on camera. classic woman. classic. you found us out. girl math, baby. jordan klepper: girl math which will no longer exist when trump shuts down the department of education. thank you. thank you for making us warm in the morning and cold, overnight. thank you for serving us for pre-game fun and post-game memories. and thank you for trusting us with secret recipes and shared moments. thank you for bringing us into your homes and into your hearts for nearly 150 years. thank you for making quaker a part of your family.

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♪♪ you gotta frank it up. frank it up! frank it up! yeah! it's the perfect blend of flavor and heat. i put that $#!t on everything. jordan klepper: next stop, reno, nevada, where trump is bringing his tough on crime message to a state that has legalized activities most of the country still considers crimes. so i brought the only cop who would talk to me, a pretend one, actor thomas lennon, a.k.a. lieutenant jim dangle from reno 911!

oh. i assume you spend a lot, a lot, a lot of time here. this is my third day here ever. ok. what do you think lieutenant dangle would think of a maga event? the great thing about dangle is i think he's something that america is sorely lacking right now. he really does reach across both sides of the aisle. he does reach-arounds across both sides of the aisle, i think. jordan klepper: that sounds like someone i'd like on my side today. jordan, you smell that? what is it? bulk ammo. that's one of the great nevada smells. [upbeat music] we can try a cowboy hat. oh, i wish it didn't fit like a glove. when he does one of these-- when he gets this going. the weird little jerk off thing. have you been to a maga event before? i have not. this is my first one. what are your expectations? well, i would like to see our next president, of course, be trump. so not too high of expectations. but i would like to see america-- not too high of expectations.

bend all the rallies trump's had here, and i would have been in washington, dc. we attended four rallies up till then. if we could have made it, we would have been there too. - are we talking jan 6? - yeah. ok. you regret not being what? you wish you had been. probably would have been in jail right now. would have got yourself just a little podium or a little piece of bric-a-brac? not a podium, per se. you would have gotten something, you know? well. i wasn't trying to entrap you there. if i got in on january 6th and hear me out, here's my version of this. if i get in, which i do because i'm little, i'm fast and get them through the window, i get a hold of boebert, and i just king kong her right out of there. see, if i go in on jan 6, i'm looking for hawley, josh hawley. because that guy knows all the exits. he's fast. he's fast. you're quick. you're quick. you're doing this. so you're following hawley all the way in, right? you're following hawley. and you know, he knows how to get in, how to get out. he knows where people are hiding. yeah. - he's fast, quick. and he's tall, too. so any shrapnel you know?

it's flying by, but i'm following him all the way. he's booking. oh here's the merch now. you got to see the merch. let's do it. do you think he could get a pee stream going that hard and that high? i hope so. i call bullshit. that's a stiletto. yeah. perfect for, like, the niece or the nephew who needs a stiletto. yeah, that's a switchblade. and it's got a brass knuckles, basically, yeah? there's a rescue knife and seatbelt cutter. seatbelt cutter. there's a weird detail, which is once you have both of these, you can have all the merch. you know what i mean? [laughs] not yours. not yours. some people are armed. some people. ok. i'm shocked people have an issue with you selling this stuff near them. jordan klepper: with officer dangle, there were confessions even i had never heard before. i haven't heard-- i haven't heard the time traveler one. - it tracks. - it does. so he came back in time. - it tracks 100%. you know what i mean? he'd already been there once before.

if that's the case, you must know that he won because he decided to run for president again. i think he knows he's going to win this time. that's why he's so angry about the idea, like, if i don't win, it's because you guys cheated. because i'm a time traveler. i've seen it all. is this the kind of stuff you're usually hearing when you're ready? - oh, yes. we can't be the most far out theory of the day. no, you're not. no. how much for the kamala toilet paper? controlling the weather. we've been doing that since vietnam war that i know of. hell, what's new? 100%. see this weather here? see where this is going? you know who that's coming from? yeah. guess who lives in that direction? yeah. paul pelosi. yeah. the democrats are controlling the weather? the government. so if trump gets in office, he'll have control over the weather. well, they will pass on the torch, i assume. so the weather-- the weather control is more of a machine, less of like a spell. it-- yeah. it can detour things from happening. jordan klepper: yes, the government is all powerful,

but also not powerful enough. which is why trump recently called for police to have a little purge to deal with rising crime. one rough hour, and i mean real rough, and it will end immediately. you support a cop purge? - i actually do. - yeah? - of course you do. - yeah. hey, litterbugs. [vocalizing] yeah. that's the first one i'm getting on cop purge day. - ok. - litterbugs. yeah. [vocalizing] yeah. you'd be supportive of like, cops and vigilantes taking-- - yes. - taking up that purge hour? yes. it's the running of the bulls. but the tourists who have come to run are all the pedophiles and litterbugs and all this stuff we have in this country? get them the hell outta here. get them in front of the bulls. ok. purge. purge. you're a pedophile? pedophile purge. one hour. it's the running of the pedophiles and the litterbugs. sign up. sign up. you're sort of pitching in unconstitutional rumspringa. rumspringa!

i just want our nation back. 100%. 100%. what's the thing about our nation that you hate, that just hate the most? well, that's hard. i know. there's a lot of things i hate. running-- running of the bulls. purge it! purge it! purge it! jordan klepper: litterbugs, get your affairs in. [triumphant music] introducing new eroxon gel, the first fda-cleared ed treatment available without a prescription. eroxon gel is clinically proven to work within ten minutes,

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really understands that. the lexus rx. (♪♪) the lexus rx. jordan klepper: so far, i'd taken my friends to three trump rallies and it's been eye opening for them to see what makes maga world tick. but i've noticed that trump supporters simply don't believe that there's any enthusiasm on the other side. perhaps, it was time for a cultural exchange program in flint, michigan. and who better to bring than maga edward, who i've gotten to over the last five years at rallies. he's sort of like your maga uncle who is always about to say something to ruin thanksgiving. edward, good to see you, sir. it's always great to see you. you've been to a few rallies. i've been to 93 rallies with donald trump. and how many with kamala harris? zero. this is number one. what are you expecting today at a kamala harris rally?

i expect to see the paid actors who pretend to be her supporters. jordan klepper: lovely. let's see what lines these actors have been fed. you know i can-- what? it's a free country. i will say, i invited him here. i wanted to see what somebody who'd been in the trump movement thought of the kamala harris movement. how much are you getting paid to be here? not enough. i'm not getting paid anything. so-- you were one of the first in line. yeah. got here at 9:15 am. woke up at 6:00, actually, to get here this morning. - don't get cocky. - i'm sorry. don't get cocky. what time do you usually get in line? at least 24 hours in advance in a trump rally, if you want to go to one. if you get there by 9 o'clock, you're not going to get in. there'll be 10,000 people waiting by. and 5,000 people left 20 minutes after he starts talking. - no, they don't. oh, oh! no, no, no, they don't. people do not leave the trump rallies. the t-shirt bugs me. i got plenty of gay friends and even trans friends too. - you don't. - yes, i do. if you have a problem with a shirt, you're not their friend.

i am not for imposing anything. but i think there's a rush to like the treatment without being sure it's right. do you know what we have to go through to get any kind of like, treatment, as you call it? like-- it used to be-- doctors, psychologists, endocrinologists. what do you think-- what do you think of the trans species movement? in one of the grade schools, we had a teacher who identified as a cat and several of her students. oh, my god. oh, come on, you know-- you're so far down the propaganda train. you know that's not a real story, edward. you know. i just want to thank you for the conversation. thank you, too. and just-- it's my kid, not your kid. [upbeat music] how did you feel that interaction when somebody come over having that kind of conversation? do you feel like-- - really well. - you feel that's helpful? - that's right. yeah? i think that's what we need more dialogue. jordan klepper: it was time to go inside. but first, edward had to blend in. i got a npr tote bag. yeah, i got a friend of mine that works for npr from high school. he's a total commie. let's see how this looks on your shoulder. sure. i could do the npr. you can wear a friend of the pod hat. friend of the pod? the pod? do you know pod saves america? enlighten me.

this is the podcast that progressives listen to feel smart about the things they already believe. this looks pretty progressive, but maybe just to be safe, could you just hold up the subaru key fob as you walk around? nobody will bother you then. [upbeat music, cheering] # # - you having fun? - oh, yeah. of course i am. # # yeah. there's an energy here that feels like a michigan game. that's right. only at michigan. michigan state game, whatever you want to call it. # # i forgot to tell you a tradition liberals do before kamala comes out, we grab hands and we all begin to sing "closer to fine" by the indigo girls. hold my hand. ready? ok. oh, lord. all right, yeah, yeah. [cheers, applause]

well here we go. [cheers, applause] [cheers, applause] all right, edward. how was that? it seemed like you had fun. well, it was a unique and original experience. it's kind of like climbing mount everest.

it can be painful, but you can say, i did it. you did it. you went to a rally. you weren't inspired to storm the capitol and take a dump on pelosi's desk. no, no, no, i wouldn't do those things. i didn't do that when i was there on january 6. ah, no. jordan klepper: i give him credit for coming. it's not easy, especially if you think everyone is faking it. and so edward the debt collector from new jersey went back into the maga-verse, where five days later, he magically re-emerged as a firefighter from scranton. (vo) hi, we're visible. we offer one-line wireless plans with no hidden fees for just $25 a month on verizon's 5g network. one flat rate every single month. unlimited data included. your wireless should be... visible. cue the confetti.

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jordan klepper: i've been doing this dance for a long time. and as we approach the election, there's a real question about what comes next, not only for me, which is important, but also for whatever this is. are we doing real talk here? yeah. everybody seemed a little sleepy. i just wonder, it's been a long run for him. this has been-- this is not a sprint. for some, it feels like it's no longer a novelty. it may be an obligation. exactly. i don't even know what they think they're supporting. i think they just want to show up to be the loudest and the proudest because for them, their presence is evidence of its popularity. this would be nothing, but their presence proves that it is something, so they better show up. otherwise, what the [bleep] are we doing with our lives? in other words, they're going through the motions. but the silly pomp and circumstance hides a darkness on stage. whether or not that matters, we'll find out soon. but if the show does go on, at least i won't have to do it alone anymore.

you're going to come to another? i got what i needed. yeah. one and done. do you want to come to pennsylvania with me? not today. so are you going to come with me to the next one, harrisburg? or he might-- he might be somewhere in florida or georgia or atlanta? i got to admit, it was fun. yes, i would do it again. jordan klepper: of course you would. but maybe i should go home to my family. [bleep], edward, you have my keys. [energetic music] # # ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ all right, ladies, let's pick teams for dodgeball. connie, would you like to be a captain? sure. i pick everyone except meg. fair enough. go! (blows whistle) (yelling) oww! (whirring) (bell rings) hey, where's everybody going? that's not how we end this class. good job today. good job today. great class. nice hustle. hey, how was gym class? terrible. you know, i don't think i can take another semester at this school, ruth. it's torture.

it's worse than sitting next to a baby on an airplane. so what brings you to kentucky? i'm visiting my family. ah, family man. me? single and ready to mingle. tom brunell's the name. insurance is the game. and right now, the game is very good to me. hey, i know! if you hate it so much here, why don't you come to paris for a semester with me instead? i'm leaving next week. you're going to paris for a semester? yeah, it's a program sponsored by the high school. my aunt even has an apartment there that we can stay in for free. oh, my god, that sounds so amazing! excuse me, i was wondering if you would go to the dance with me on friday. chris, it's me, meg. (sighing) well, that's everybody. tv announcer: we now return to "ethiopian hoarders." (sobbing) i don't know how it got like this! dad, mom, there's something i want to ask you. can i go to school in paris for a semester? what? paris? hey, you know, i have a pen pal in paris.

would you mind bringing him this letter? (hocking phlegm) we're fighting. meg, i'd love to send you to paris for a semester, but we can't afford that. but i can pay for it myself. i've been saving up from all my part-time jobs. that's smart of you, meg. you know, sometimes i do part-time jobs for extra cash. gimme money. gimme money. (violin screeching) gimme money. gimme money. gimme money. you be careful, sweetie, and call us as soon as the plane lands. okay, mom, i will. i'll miss you, dad. i've never been very good at saying good-bee. good-bee, meg. and i'm gonna bring you back something special, little guy. don't worry about me. just get yourself laid. will you get me french stewart's autograph? say hello to the pont neuf for me, or as i like to call it, my inspiration point... oh, you're gone. and the family's gone. (tires screeching)

oh, my god, we're actually here in paris. this is so exciting! (french accent): good day, foreigners. on behalf of the country of france, we surrender. oh, my god, i love your breath. hi, i'm meg. this is my friend, ruth. would you ladies like to share a cab, or as we say, "sharre a cabbuh"? sure. that sounds great. oh, and please do not be suspicious that i am at the airport with no baggage whatsoever. a cool name to say with a french accent is ashtahn kootchere. - bye! - thanks! hey, it's me. i've got some fresh arrivals for you. how are they? on a scale from un to dix, they're about a trois. wow, this place is awesome! i know! hey, you wanna dance around like morons to loud music? (rock music playing)

i'll be right back. i've been holding in a dump since america. (phone ringing) griffin residence. hi, dad, it's me. just wanted you to know i got here safe. - and sound? - yes, dad, and sound. (relieved) oh, good. the "sound" is what concerns me. - oh, it's so amazing here, dad. - yep. - you should see it. - uh-huh. - the apartment we're staying in is huge... - uh-huh. - ...and has an incredible view of... - uh-huh. (gasping) dad, something's going on. some men just broke in. (gasps) oh, my god! they've got ruth! (footsteps approaching) and now, i think they're coming after me! (serious) all right, meg, i need you to listen to me very carefully: panic. pay no attention to detail. let your mind race. take short, rapid breaths. then hide under the bed, but leave two of your feet sticking out. (footsteps approaching) (whispering) oh, my god, dad! are they gonna take me? i'm so scared!

(screaming) meg? meg? (man breathing heavily) i don't know who you are. i don't know what you want. but i have a very particular lack of skills. i will never be able to find you, but what i do have is two dollars and a casio wristwatch. you can have one of them. (deep, menacing voice) drakkar noir. (hangs up) these guys are serious. lois, meg's dead! please, there's gotta be something you can do! my little girl is in terrible danger! ma'am, the men who took your daughter are most likely members of a sophisticated network of human smugglers. if she's not found within 96 hours, chances are she's gone forever. then we've gotta hurry! sorry, we can't begin our search until she's been missing for 96 hours. oh, my god! my baby! yeah, there's a pretty grisly sex trade over there. usually we just end up burying framed pictures. oh, peter! this is a nightmare!

(sobbing) what's going on down there? are they gonna find her? doesn't look good. stewie, i think there's only one way we're ever gonna see meg again. you and i have to take matters into our own hands. what? what are you talking about? look, you're the only one who's got the know-how and the technology to help us track her down. hmm. interesting. last week, all my gadgets were "hooey," i think was the word. - i didn't say... - you said "hooey"! all right, i've booked us on a flight that leaves in two hours, so, um, whose credit card shall we put it on? just put it on yours and i'll pay you back. yeah, i feel like when that happens, i sometimes don't get paid back. like when? jersey boys, morton's steakhouse, foxwoods... foxwoods and jersey boys was the same trip! (sighing) you know what? fine. i'll-i'll put it on my card, but i-i-i'm just gonna say it's a gift because that's the only way i can do this anymore. amazon fall favorites are here. save on fashion, home, beauty and more. shop amazon fall favorites now.

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