made some money. oh, yeah, you're right. hey, hand me that stack of kobe jerseys and a sharpie. guys, i just found meg's ankle bracelet. -so? -her foot's still in it. [beeping] [helicopter blades whirring] [meg grunting] [panting] hey, meg? where's your creek buddy? you're not in any trouble, you just need a creek buddy. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> ronny: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. trump and kamala are having a garbage fight, rfk jr. is your new primary care doctor, and we find out why j.d. vance is the most charismatic man alive. so let's get into the last week of "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] election day is less than a week away, so it's time for the candidates to offer their closing arguments. donald trump held a rally at madison square garden that attacked puerto ricans, blacks, jews, women, asians, samoans, immigrants, and last night, kamala harris went in a different direction. >> with the white house illuminated behind her and in front of 75,000 supporters, vice president harris delivered her closing message. >> america, for too long, we have been consumed with too much

division, chaos, and mutual distrust. and it can be easy, then, to forget a simple truth. it doesn't have to be this way. it doesn't have to be this way. it is time to stop pointing fingers. we have to stop pointing fingers and start locking arms. >> ronny: yeah, [bleep] you, fingers. it's arm time! that was kamala's closing argument. stop all the finger pointing, you babies, and heal the divisions like empathetic adults. and now time for her to sit back and let the positive vibes emanate across the nation. >> president biden makes comments about trump supporters calling them "garbage." >> joe biden's garbage gaffe. >> a political headache for vice president kamala harris. >> it has completely changed the narrative from where it was 24 hours ago. >> he was clearly disparaging a whole group of people. more than half of this nation.

>> i do not even think during the american civil war, abraham lincoln called the people of the confederacy garbage. >> ronny: wait, hang on. joe biden is still the president? and he's worse than the civil war? what the hell is going on? i mean, calling trump supporters garbage right before the election feels like a crazy thing to say, even if you believe that. i mean, just wait six more days, man! what did he actually say? >> just the other day, a speaker at his rally called puerto rico a floating island of garbage. the only garbage i see floating out there is his supporters. his demonization is unconscionable. and it's unamerican. >> ronny: okay, i guess it's unclear if he's calling trump supporters garbage or just the guy who called puerto rico garbage garbage. maybe more context will give us some more clarity. what did he say just before this? >> well, let me tell you

something, i don't -- i don't know the puerto rican that that i know. the puerto rico where i'm -- in my home state of delaware. >> ronny: oh. i see. this guy's too [bleep] old and his brain is a floating pile of garbage. of course. now the dems don't want to admit that the president of the united states should not be using a computer unsupervised. so they went with this explanation. >> the white house very quickly tried to argue that when he used the word "supporters," he wasn't talking about trump supporters writ large, but that there was an apostrophe in there that is what is included in the official transcript. they tried to argue that he was specifically referencing the comments from that comedian at the madison square garden rally on sunday. >> ronny: that's right. in the last week of the campaign, republicans are calling for a roundup of immigrants and democrats are like, "you have to put the apostrophe in the right place!" this election is really coming

down to nazis versus grammar nazis. if democrats are relying on americans to understand how apostrophes work, this election is [bleep]. have you ever seen a sign outside a bar? they basically use the apostrophe to mean "here comes an s"! [cheers and applause] republicans aren't accepting any of these excuses because they don't know what an apostrophe is. they think it's intentional that biden called them garbage and they could not be more excited. republicans have been under fire for their garbage thing, and now they're like, "yes! biden's garbage thing cancels out our garbage thing, and so we're back to neutral!" i mean, just look how excited marco rubio was when he got to interrupt a trump rally to tell trump the news. >> all right, well, i wasn't going to say anything. but i have breaking news for you, mr. president. you may not have heard this. just moments ago, joe biden stated that our supporters are garbage.

[boos] >> ronny: look how excited rubio is. "everybody, everybody! everybody! i have great news! we are garbage!" ♪ celebrate good times ♪ ♪ come on! ♪ rubio delivered that news like he was announcing the war is over. you can tell how excited trump is because his face is at full orange alert. this put trump in such a good mood that he briefly found religion. >> that's what it says. that's what it says. but he doesn't know. you have to please forgive him. please forgive him, for he not knoweth what he said. >> ronny: "he not knoweth what he said?"

someone's been reading an instagram quote about the bible! i mean, trump should speak like this more. it makes him sound kind of wise. "thou art eating thy cats, thou art eating thy dogs." [cheers and applause] now obviously, republicans are happy to hit democrats with this biden gaffe. and obviously, the media is excited to cover a garbage fight. and i guess that's what we're going to talk about for the last week of the election. and that's fine. because it's not like anyone said anything that might have a bigger impact on our lives. >> the key that i -- i think i -- president trump has promised me is control of the public health agencies, which are hhs and its subagencies, cdc, fda, nih, and a few others. and then also the usda, which is -- which, you know, is key to making america healthy.

[boos] >> ronny: great. that sounds like healthiest man in america, everybody! "you too could sound like this." "when i am in charge of everything." to be fair, rfk jr. is actually pretty healthy. i mean, he's 70 years old. that's, like, 850 in kennedy years. but still, how is this guy going to be in charge of food quality? i mean, they found a dead worm in his brain! so even his skull can't get higher rating than a "c." of all the characters in this election, this guy is the scariest. because he doesn't believe in vaccines or pasteurizing milk! he thinks anti-depressants cause school shootings and that covid was engineered to not affect jews. he thinks chemicals in the water make kids trans. and trump is going to put him in charge of all health and food and medicine?

surely, trump will at least put some limits on what he can do, right? like, donald, you're not just going to let this guy go wild, are you? >> i'm going to let him go wild on health. i'm going to let him go wild on the food. i'm going to let him go wild on medicine. >> ronny: wait, how are you going to let him "go wild on medicine"? are you going to let him dip his balls in all the cough syrup? for more on what rfk could do in a trump presidency, let's go live to cdc headquarters with jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] jordan, why is the media paying attention to joe biden's gaffes when rfk running the cdc sounds like a much bigger deal? >> good question, ronny. it's because focusing on institutions like the cdc is what we in the media call "boring." no one wants to hear the overly complex details about how rfk is going to unvaccinate people by clamping down on their arms and

sucking out their injections like it's a snake bite. >> ronny: wait, would that even work? >> you're getting lost in the weeds, ronny! the real scoop is that this morning, joe biden said he hopes kamala becomes "prezizent" of the united states. prezizent! are you [bleep] kidding me? what is going on here? well, i promise to get to the bottom of it in my new prime time special, "all the prezizent's men" >> ronny: wait, jordan, sorry, can we go back to what was that about rfk undoing my vaccinations? >> i don't know. i zoned out. it was something about summoning the power of the u.s. military to go door-to-door and yada, yada, yada. i don't know. >> ronny: military? you mean rfk will have access to like tanks and shit? >> i don't know. i didn't ask too many follow ups because there's so much joe biden news coming out! like this afternoon, biden said we need to respect the will of the boaters.

the boaters? what? this guy is all in for the 1%! >> ronny: okay, jordan, it's obvious he meant the voters. >> ooh, controversy! now we're really getting into it! we'll find out more in my two-part special, "boat or die: will democracy sink or swim?" >> ronny: okay, jordan, no one cares about these gaffes or your dumb specials! how about issues that are going to affect day-to-day life? rfk could be in charge of school lunches! >> true. although, i wouldn't worry too much about that. rfk told me that instead of school lunch, kids will forage for bear meat in central park. [audience reacts] >> ronny: that sounds incredibly unhealthy. >> yeah, if you find a bad bear, sure. >> ronny: did he talk about how he was going to implement this? >> i don't know, it's not my job to ask. >> ronny: it is! you're the media! it's literally the one thing you're supposed to do. okay, stop getting distracted by all this meaningless biden shit and focus on informing the people on the issues that matter. >> wow, hard truths, ronny.

hard truths. you know, you're right. i need to focus more on truly informing the public. and i'll do so in my new three-part mini-series: "a complex look at rfk's history of intervention within the medical system, undermining public trust in our institutions while paving the way for the current national anti-science movement." [cheers and applause] >> ronny: yeah, that sounds a little boring. >> yeah, it does, doesn't it? forget it. check out my 12-part retrospective of that one time biden mispronounced "scotus" as "scrotum." "balls in your court: an american story." [cheers and applause] >> ronny: god bless the media! jordan klepper, everybody. when we come back, we'll find out how j.d. vance got so charming. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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at harbor freight, we design and test our own tools and sell them directly to you. no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love. whatever you do, do it for less at harbor freight. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: hey, welcome back to "the daily show." if there's one thing we've learned from this campaign, it's that j.d. vance is the most charismatic man alive. but how did he get that way? well, good news: we found the man responsible. >> look, what i was basically saying is that we are effectively run in this country via the democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies.

♪ ♪ >> if there is one skill every politician needs, it is being likable. >> okay. >> almost -- >> okay. >> and the truth is, most politicians aren't born with that level of charisma. they learn it from b ♪ ♪ from me. ♪ ♪ my name is nathaniel gordon, and i teach j.d. vance how to be likable, and not off-putting. did you say something? no? [laughs] okay, good. all of america's most beloved politicians learn how to be charming from me. of course, my star pupil is j.d., seen here wearing a t-shirt in a pool. that was my idea. it is like i always say. if you are going in the pool,

shirt on, you fool. if you are going to the movies, shirt off, it's groovy. [laughs] it's not illegal. j.d. and i have worked on many likability techniques. for example, using humor. >> democrats say that it is racist to believe -- they say, it is racist to do anything. >> [laughs] >> i had a diet mountain dew yesterday and i am sure they are going to call that racist too. >> [laughs] >> it is good. i love you guys. >> hello, lorne michaels? just kidding. see? that is another joke. ♪ ♪ sometimes, the media will lop you a softball question and that is when you charmed the pants off them by insinuating that you have a dark side. >> why would people in wisconsin want to have a beer with you? >> [laughs] well, i guess -- i guess they want to have a beer with me because i actually do like to drink beer and i probably like to drink beer a little bit too

much but that's okay. i'm sure the media will -- >> boom. he could have just said "i'm a regular guy." boring. instead he left you wondering, is this guy a high-functioning alcoholic robot? that is interesting. check plus mate equals check please. ♪ ♪ the thing about being likable is it is always a work in progress. even i, the master, need to practice to stay sharp. hey, benches, ha? >> what? >> is your hair real? wow. [screaming] [whimpering] that wasn't too bad. i'll try that one out next week in wisconsin. you know, it is really so rewarding seeing one of my peoples out of the world using the lessons i taught him and watching the world fall in love with him. >> what makes you happy?

>> well, i smile at a lot of things including focus questions from the media, man. [laughs] >> [laughs] i love this guy. [laughs] you guys want to grab a beer after this? i like drinking beer. it is probably why i murdered my wife. [laughs] i love you guys. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: when we come back, the linda lindas will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] [chair deflates] [heels slam on floor] oh, wow. hey j, this project might need a bit of... zhuhzing...

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my guests tonight are a critically acclaimed band whose new album is called "no obligation." please welcome the amazing linda lindas! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] thanks for coming on the show! i've been watching you guys since the pandemic. and you guys are musical prodigies. you guys had to take leave from school to come and do this gig today. you guys are literally too cool for school. >> [laughter] >> ronny: six years in and you got to open for the rolling stones, green day, right? [cheers and applause] you have received some attention. i don't want to ask a very generic question but how did this all start?

>> okay, mila and i are sisters and eloise is our cousin and we have known bela since mila was born basically. >> ronny: which was two years ago. [laughter] >> so anyway. [laughter] we started out playing covers, like, and this girl called kristen gundred who is in a band called the dum dum girls, she wanted a bunch of kids to back her up for this show she was doing and so we happened to be four of those kids, and then we were like, what if we just kept going? and then one thing led to another. >> ronny: the next thing you know, you are opening for the rolling stones! >> we already did that. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: and again, not to be too generic with the questions, but what was it like opening for those bands? like, backstage? you know? >> it was really, really cool. the green day tour was so long but it was really worth it.

because the bands and the crew, they were just really kind to us and even the fans were really respectful. >> rony: so you just recently >> ronny: see you just recently released her new album, "no obligation." >> number two. >> ronny: so can you -- this is number two, album number two? >> album number two. >> ronny: what was the creative process like creating this? >> it took a long time. it was, like, over breaks from school. you know, so -- >> over spring break, or long weekends and stuff like that. we would do a little bit at a time. kind of throughout almost a year and a half, i want to say. we really wanted to do a lot more collaborative writing and we made sure to do more duets. because we all sing in our band. >> we kind of split it up evenly, so that we all sing about the same amount for each set or each whatever. >> ronny: do you find -- did this come easier than the first

one, in terms of did the creativity just kind of flow? >> i think we had more options, because we felt more comfortable playing our instruments, and we could make more informed decisions, i guess. >> we also had weird al guest on one of our songs. he played accordion. >> ronny: yeah, that is crazy. and you guys are very politically active as well. can you give us a little bit -- can you give us old-timers some insight into what our kids concerned about right now? >> like, even though we are not old enough to vote, we are old enough to care, we are old enough to think about the world around us. [cheers and applause] we are old enough to think about what the companies that we put our money into fund, and you know, a lot of the times, it feels like issues are so far away, you know, or so big. but really, everything is connected, you know, like, how the u.s. funds a war in the middle east, and that causes so much violence and destruction there, but that also, you know,

contributes to climate change which affects you wherever you live. so you just got to do what you can. organize in your local communities, talk to your friends, and even if the things that you are doing feel small or feel like they won't do anything, they are valuable, and they do matter. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you so much for saying that. thank buddha, the kids are going to be okay. i'm so glad you guys exist. i am so glad you guys make music. i'm so glad you guys care about your world. i am so glad you kids are you. and "no obligation" is available now. and be sure to stay tuned for a special performance by these lovely women after the break! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ you'd like me better if they didn't stare ♪ ♪ you'd like me better if i grew out my hair ♪ ♪ you'd like me better if i wasn't a mess ♪ ♪ you'd like me better if i'd put on a dress ♪ ♪ i don't got no obligation ♪ ♪ just brush off all expectation ♪ ♪ i ask you how you are and you'll never tell ♪ ♪ they like you better when you keep to yourself ♪ ♪ they like you better when you're shoved along ♪ ♪ they try to tell you just where you belong ♪

♪ you don't owe no demonstration ♪ ♪ who cares bout their validation ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i don't got no obligation ♪ ♪ just brush off all expectation ♪ ♪ you'd like me better if i grew out my hair ♪ ♪ better if i wasn't always sweating and scared ♪ ♪ they like you better when you build up all the walls around ♪ ♪ your head ♪ ♪ better when you act like your emotions are dead, yeah ♪ ♪ i don't owe you ♪ ♪ you don't own me ♪ ♪ you don't owe them ♪ ♪ they don't own you ♪ ♪ i don't owe you ♪ ♪ you don't own me ♪ ♪ you don't owe them ♪ ♪ don't let them own you ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ [crowd chattering, lively italian music playing] ah, the feast of san gennaro. every child here has seen a relative murdered in a barber chair. step right up! teach an old italian lady how to use an ipad!

now, that sounds like fun. i'll give it a try. hey, how are you? look what i got for you. -what is it? -it's a tablet computer. i don't want it. but you don't even know what it is. i don't want it. but you can watch movies on it. my eyes hurt. i'm trying to do something nice here! for the last time, i don't want it. i bet you if joey was giving it to you, you'd take it. don't you bring him into this. joey was a good boy. oh, yeah, yeah, joey was a good boy? you thought he was making 100 grand a year hauling lumber? don't you start with this. he was dirty, ma! i can't hear this! i won't hear it! -he was an angel! -oh, that's right. "angel joey," great joey, perfect joey. i got to go to the church. oh, yeah, sure, light another candle. -that'll bring him back. -you watch your tongue. admit it, you wish it was me in that car instead of him! just take your little tv and go! it's an ipad, you dumb cow! [groans] i guess i don't have any sons now. ma! i'm sorry, ma! ma! ma! hey, bri, look over there. that guy looks like frank sinatra, jr.