what time do we have to come in? come on. let's not be gloomy here, man. we're all in this together. we're a team. you know what? screw corporate. nobody's coming in tomorrow. you have the day off. like coming in an extra day is going to prevent us from being downsized. have a good weekend. the great thing about sports is that it is all about character. and you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. but we did because we were ahead. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. kamala reverse-insurrects. trump phones a friend. and we'll find out how to leave this [bleep] planet for good. so let's get into "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] it's a new day in america! can you feel the delight? [audience reacts] all that sunshine and roses or whatever makes people happy? no? [audience reacts] okay, well, maybe you're not looking hard enough. >> we're going to begin, though, with the start of the something that makes this country so great when it happens. we're talking about the promise of a peaceful transfer of power.

[cheers and applause] >> ronny: whoa! peaceful transfer of power. let's hear it for the bare minimum. of a democracy. the first step of this was kamala harris calling donald trump to promise that she wouldn't do what he tried to do. >> the vice president called president-elect trump to congratulate him. according to a senior harris aide, the vice president discussed the importance of a peaceful transfer of power. >> ronny: yes, kamala called trump, conceded the race, and told him there should be a peaceful transfer of power. and you know, as soon as trump hung up the phone he was like, "yeah, yeah, that's great, [bleep] pussies." so, i guess american democracy still works? as long as the guy who likes overthrowing the government wins the election. because then he won't overthrow the government! [audience reacts] so with the transfer happening, we're going to be talking about trump again every day for another four years, i guess.

[boos] i, for one, did not think that when i came out of the jungles of malaysia to do comedy that i would be making jokes about donald trump every day for 13 years straight. 13 years! i don't talk about my mom as much as i talk about this guy. i don't talk about my wife as much as i talk about this guy. my wife thinks i'm having an emotional affair with this guy. i'm going to be talking about this guy on my [bleep] deathbed which i assume will be in three years when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague. and you might be sitting at home saying, "well, ronny, why don't you just shut the [bleep] up about trump?" well, for the same reason cnn doesn't shut the [bleep] up about him: money! lots and lots of money! so let's get these dollars right now and get back to donald trump! and you know what? attitude is everything. i'm going to be optimistic. if donald trump can get some good people around him this time, maybe he'll do good for

the country. i mean, who's he getting to help him with the transition? >> i'm, you know, i'm going to be heavily involved on the transition. [audience reacts] >> ronny: great, it's take your dumbass to work day. and what qualifications is he looking for? >> i want to make sure, now that we know who the real players are, the people who will actually deliver on the president's message to the people who don't think that they know better than the duly elected president of the united states. [audience reacts] >> ronny: yeah, no more smart people! only people who look at my idiot dad and go, "what a [bleep] genius." and where is trump going to find people who will do whatever he says? didn't they all die when they injected themselves with bleach? so let's see who these people are. >> 75 days from now, trump returns to the white house and right now there is an intense focus on who he will surround

himself with. florida senator marco rubio, possibly former secretary of state mike pompeo, maybe secretary of defense, former acting homeland security secretary chad wolf perhaps reappointed. >> ronny: okay, you know what, actually, not as bad as i expected. marco rubio, mike pompeo -- they're basically professional political administrators. at least they're wearing suits and ties. it could be worse. >> and then there's some, shall we say, more unusual names. steve bannon, conspiracy nut laura loomer, robert f. kennedy jr., and elon musk. >> ronny: okay, yeah, it is worse! this cabinet looks like the division of the x-men for the mutants who had too much mutation. there like, "hey,what's your mutant power?" "i just talk like this! people trust me with their

health!" okay, so this is the a-team. and other names floated for his cabinet include: hannibal lecter, the menendez brothers, the polio virus, and for secretary of transportation, a cybertruck with a hitler mustache. now don jr. isn't the only one thinking about the transition. so is the guy who has spent the last two years trying to transition trump into a prison cell. >> tonight, special counsel jack smith is now signaling he'll wind down his two federal cases against president-elect trump. >> the january 6th criminal case and the classified documents case are effectively over. doj guidelines are clear. you cannot prosecute a sitting president. >> ronny: great. trump gets off with no punishment. [boos] it's just as the famous quote says, "the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards" -- sorry! we ran out of time. he's president now. apparently, you can just get away with your crimes if you win the presidency. that sound you just heard is diddy forming an exploratory

committee for 2028. i mean, he doesn't even need any policies. he just hangs out behind other people's policies going, "uh huh, yeah." so not only does he get off on january 6, trump gets off on stolen documents. in fact, not only are they not going to prosecute him, they have to put them back where they found them, scattered around his toilet in mar-a-lago. trump gets to be president, he doesn't have to go to prison, which means he doesn't have to sneak in a tanning bed up his rectum. and probably the best part for him is having the guy who kicked him out of the white house welcome him back. >> yesterday, i spoke with president-elect trump to congratulate him on his victory, and i assured him that i'd direct my entire administration to work with his team to ensure a peaceful and orderly transition. >> ronny: oh, my god, we get it! you [bleep] people love

transferring power peacefully! on and on about it. hey, maybe if democrats tried an insurrection every once in a while, they could start winning something. [cheers and applause] because apparently there's no punishment for it anyway! it's just a free shot! i mean, if it works, you stay in office. if it doesn't -- no harm, no foul. but of course, joe biden couldn't call it quits without reminding people that his administration was about more than just you paying $50 for eggs. >> much of the work we've done is already being felt by the american people. the vast majority of it will not be felt -- will be felt over the next ten years. we have legislation that we passed. it's only just now just really kicking in. >> ronny: cool. all his good decisions are kicking in just in time for donald trump to take credit for them. perfect execution as usual, democrats. but as you heard, joe biden called donald trump to personally congratulate him and welcome him to the white house. and luckily, we at

"the daily show" managed to get the audio of that call. >> hello? >> it is me, joe biden. congratulations, man. kamala and i. >> oh, i lied a lot. i was super racist. >> oh, good. into the semifinals, me, her boss. >> no, joe, that's not how it works. i won the whole thing. >> god love you. hey, who is this? >> it is donald trump. you called me. >> good luck to you, guy. promise me, you'll take care my precious dog, commander. >> i will do my best but kristi noem called dibs. >> i got to be honest, man. i'm a little sad. my legacy. i got the highest score on the white house pac-man machine. i would eat dots all day, sometimes from a charity -- >> i don't know what the hell you are talking about. i would be honest, i am also kind of sad. running for president is my passion.

but being president is a terrible price i have to pay for being so good at racism. >> what do you mean, joe? >> you are joe. i am donald. what i mean is, now i have to spend all of my time with rfk and elon musk and they are weird. and this is donald trump saying that. >> who? i just wish i could keep the campaign going forever. >> i will tell you what, and for years, if neither of us is married, we both run for president against each other. >> four years? you really think you will make it that long? >> hey, i might be dead but i'm not old. [laughs] >> what you say, kiddo, you and me? 2028? best 2 out of 3? >> you beautiful son of a bitch, i am in. i just have to ignore the part of the constitution that stops me from running again. >> you would respect the constitution like that? >> [laughs] [laughter] >> hey, who is this?

[cheers and applause] >> ronny: when we come back, we find out how scientists are going to save us. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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"the daily show." if you're worried right now that donald trump is going to ruin america, i think your fears are misplaced, because he actually might ruin the entire planet. >> president-elect donald trump's return to the white house could slow global climate action. >> trump vowing to pull the u.s. out of the paris climate accord a second time. >> trump has called climate change a hoax and is promising to boost oil drilling and production. >> repealing parts of the ira, this massive $1.2 trillion investment package in clean technology, including electric vehicles, wind turbine, solar panels. >> i expect him to try to undo as much as he can. >> ronny: yeah, i guess destroying the planet is one way to advance your policy agenda. i mean, "you can't be trans if there's no planet!" trump is really trying to kill this planet even harder than he tried to kill mike pence. but hey, mike pence survived, so maybe the earth will be fine? >> new data suggests 2024 will be the hottest year on record,

according to experts. it is virtually certain that global temperatures will be more than 1.5 degrees above pre-industrial levels. >> at that level, the climate crisis begins to exceed the ability of humans and nature to adapt. >> ronny: yeah, this sounds kind of bad. i only wish someone could have warned us about this, apart from every scientist for the last 50 years. [cheers and applause] the good news is, they're smart enough to know we weren't going to listen, and they have a backup plan. >> since the 1970s, scientists have been warning humanity that carbon pollution could destroy all life on earth. and during that time, humanity increased carbon pollution, by 90%. but hey, we are not mad. we get it. you don't want to take the bus to work, and now that the earth

is dying, you want us to find a solution. so we did! we scientists have invented this. a super advanced self-sustaining space trip that will escape this planet and give humanity a fresh start. and you are not coming. oh, you thought we were going to bail you out? so you can come and [bleep] up mars too? [laughs] no. plus, you'll bring your lifted f-150s and aliens will think that we are the kind of people who don't watch our bottles bottles. it's too bad for you because we have decked this ship out. we've got movie theaters. theme parks. and bar trivia that is actually hard because we are smart. not if there is knowledge bullshit. this now extinct historical figure ignored science and art horrifically. hey, that is you! we also gathered two of each animal so gordon ramsay can cook them for us. ♪ ♪

mm, kangaroo. if you are a liberal who thinks that you get a spot because he recycled, it doesn't matter. you are ruining the environment and you look like shit. now i know what you are thinking. you will just stop their ships before we leave. guess what, assholes? we took off while you are watching this video. [laughs] ♪ ♪ from all us scientists and gordon ramsay here at the uss told you so, we are out and we are called rolling your asses on the way. [cheers and applause] this message has been brought to you by amazon, apple, and exxon. it definitely wasn't our fault. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thanks, scientists! when we come back, emily ngo will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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vicks vapostick provides soothing non-medicated vicks vapors. easy to apply for the whole family. vicks vapostick. and try new vaposhower max for steamy vicks vapors. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a political reporter and co-author of the "new york playbook" at politico. please welcome emily ngo! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hey, thanks for coming on the show! oh, they gave you a standing o! [cheers and applause] emily, thanks for coming on the show. they are huge fans of yours. they gave you a standing ovation. the "new york playbook" at politico is a must read for all politicians and people who follow politics. i guess the journalists there

are kind of the best political journalists in the country. >> undisputed. >> ronny: yeah, and you guys take pride in having your finger on the pulse and knowing the people and the politicians. what the [bleep] happened on tuesday? >> i wish i could redirect and ask you because we are still processing. but the fact of the matter is, donald trump and maga republicans grew their electorate, grew their support right under democrats' noses. they made gains in all these key demographics. did you know that nearly one half of latino men and one fifth of black men voted for donald trump? he made gains in all these racial minority communities. he grew his support among working-class americans. so not just disaffected rural white voters, but a lot of people of racial minorities as well. >> ronny: right. so as someone whose ear was on the ground in new york city, did you see this happening? is this a surprise to you? >> i wouldn't say it is a surprise.

i traveled with donald trump, covered his campaign -- >> ronny: did you put money on his campaign? did you go to the market and some french guy just won $50 million betting on trump, so i don't know -- >> why would i be here if i had $50 million? >> ronny: you should have used that inside knowledge. you felt that? >> knowing the country, having traveled with the campaign in 2016, and been to parts of pennsylvania and the west that were stricken by economic blight, and talk with people who get their news from different sources than politico and "the daily show" -- >> ronny: no one shouldn't be getting their news from here. we just -- we just made a bunch of dick jokes in the first. so if you are watching this for news, don't watch this for news. [laughter] but -- >> they felt like they were left behind. >> ronny: one thing is that you are not just going to the cities. you are going to cities and you are with the candidates and you are actually with the voting

population. so you get a really good sense. >> so not even cities. villages, like unincorporated parts of the country. people who are starting to vote or voting for the first time, and really found in donald trump -- i mean, they are not seeing everything that people in metropolises necessarily see. they just see someone who cares, according to them, about inflation, someone who is worried about border security, someone who was worried about migrants and people who arrive here and stay illegally. >> ronny: how much of it is that they didn't see the news and how much is it that they just kind of heard what they wanted to hear? or they didn't hear what they didn't want to heawr? >> a little bit of both. we have this phenomenon called confirmation bias. you will only read and watch and listen to what confirms your pre-existing beliefs. >> ronny: sure. >> so the more diversified the news media becomes, the more you will find sources of information including on social media, that are just fitting what you want and believe and want to hear. it is not five television

stations and these anchors giving everyone the same kind of news. it is your social media algorithm being changed -- >> ronny: calling that diversifying news media is very generous to these [bleep] tiktok idiots. so you are a professional journalist. you went to school for this. you've been doing it a long time. how do you feel when these [bleep] podcasts, whatever, come in and they, you know, they just [bleep] up the news for everybody? and then you try to clean it up, and then it is already kind of a lost cause? >> i mean, how i feel -- >> ronny: you can say "[bleep] you" to them. this is basic cable. you can tell them. [bleep] you. [applause] >> i will note that they get their information from journalists and reporters, like the ones at politico, people who are on the ground talking directly to the politicians, to the voters. >> ronny: i'm sorry, who is "they?" >> the tiktokers. >> ronny: they get it from

you? you wouldn't know when it comes out of their asses. >> it is strained, there is a filter. >> ronny: it's digested and turned into [bleep] feces. >> they are taking news from an original source. >> ronny: and you know this because you are in -- it's almost like the etiquette of news. with the general public just reads the final article and they don't know what went into that. so they see a quote and they go, this can be fake. by the some token, someone can do, all i need to do to do news is put things in quotes. can you lead us through what goes into a news story? >> the best sources are first person sources. sometimes the sources are the politicians themselves. i will let you in on a secret, sometimes -- i haven't done this myself -- you will quote someone who's familiar with the principle's thinking. that could be a politician, they are familiar with their own thinking. that blind quote is a politician. >> ronny: they are giving you an anonymous quote but it is themselves. >> yeah. >> ronny: yeah. i do it all the time. i always say "ronny chieng is the best" -- >> but you would be familiar

with ronny chieng's thinking. >> ronny: "a person familiar with ronny chieng's thinking thinks he is the best host on "the daily show." [cheers and applause] i like that every single day. anonymous sources. >> so that is rare, but i just described. but the more direct and close you get to the story, the more accurate it is. and yeah, trust in journalism as an institution is at an all-time low. it is pretty devastating for someone like me who has worked so hard and work so hard in each story to make sure that i talked to as many people as possible, verify it with as many people as possible. and it's not even just both sides. you are talking to as many sides as possible. because there's not a two side situation and actually most new stories. >> ronny: sure, and not to put you on the spot can you give you an example of a story that you work really hard on that some [bleep] guy on twitter was like "this is fake?" >> i think that happens every hour, to be honest. >> ronny: everything you report. >> just mute them. >> ronny: can you again just take us through what we are going -- what would go into reporting for you?

like, i don't know, what is a news story that you had to actually investigate? >> i will try to think of a good example. i just want to say it's such a privilege to do what i do because every story is different. i don't even have a proper example because every day is different. you can get a tip. it will be via text, if you worked in political journalism for as long as me, people are just, they will go directly to you before they go to any other news outlet or reporter or anything like that. they don't want to tell you on the record but they will tell you on background, you got to get it confirmed by other people who might know. you are just jumping through all these hoops but making sure that every detail is as accurate as possible. the way to make it accurate and to have people trust what you do is to get it right, and it has to be accuracy over speed. it is a very competitive business and if you want to be first, there is a thrill, and there is a necessity to breaking a story but you've got to get it right. >> ronny: sure. as an insider, can you confirm that these people are scumbags? or are they nice people?

these -- are you -- >> if these folks are scumbags, i might be one too because i am that into it. so did ronny just call me a scumbag? that is okay, ronny. >> ronny: to be fair, i am also a scumbag. scumbags unite. don't clap that. it is awful. i mean, we appreciate you, you know, giving an air of professionalism and maintaining our standards and giving us some insights into the politics -- >> sorry i called you a scumbag. >> ronny: it's okay. you called yourself a scumbag as well so i guess we're even. thanks for coming on the show. thanks for continuing the great journalism and professional standards and trying to tell us exactly what is going on objectively with no emotion whatsoever. thanks so much. [cheers and applause] politico reporter emily ngo. [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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fun fact, the person with mcdonalds is always the most popular kid in school. ♪♪ and if they save money with the app, they're also the smartest. ♪ ba da ba ba ba. ♪ amazon early holiday they'deals are here.rtest. with everything you need to kick off the season. shop amazon early holiday deals now. can your pad flex with you without shifting? always flexfoam can. it's the only pad made with a flexible foam core with wings that fit securely for up to zero bunching and zero leaks. can your pad do that? see what foam can do for you. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> some of the president-elect's advisors have suggested that you should resign.

if he ask you to leave, would you go? >> no. >> can you follow-up on -- do you think that legally you are not required to leave? >> no. >> no. >> ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ ugh, look at ms. tammy. what a skank. she's free-muffin it at a baby school. hi, stewie. mommy's here to pick you up. why do you feel the need to narrate every little thing you do?

oh, hi, mrs. griffin. you know, i've actually been meaning to talk to you about stewie. i'm concerned that he might have an attention problem. attention problem? yes, he's been a little difficult to deal with, and on page two of three in the how to be a teacher manual, it says that any child who's being difficult should be medicated. what? drugging a baby? are you sure? that sounds so serious. i'm afraid his behavior has been an issue for a while. he's even been bothering students during nap time. hey, you up? guess where i have a crayon. so, i spend, like, $75 on cat toys, and what does she play with? -a shoelace. -that's crazy. joe, that's been your answer every time i tell a story. it's like you're not even listening. well, that's 'cause you interrupted me when i was telling you about kevin trying to hang himself with an extension cord. i know, that's crazy. hey, y'all want to try some of our new food? i'm trying to turn this place into a gastropub.