[whispering] best night ever. like i said, it's not about the horniness. it's about the loneliness. and how can i be alone here with my boys? like a...famous person once said, boys on the side. but i don't-- i disagree. i say, let's hear it for the boys. [car door opening] son of a bitch. >> announcer: from the most trusted journalist at comedy central, it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper!

[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show," i'm jordan klepper, we got so much to talk about today. rfk jr. is now your primary care doctor, matt gaetz is taking the doj to prom, and charlamagne tha god does a wellness check on democracy. so let's get into another installment of trump 2.0: coming for the white house. >> i'm going to come. >> jordan: thoroughly dislike hearing that. if you've been feeling under the weather since the election, don't worry. pretty soon, everyone else will be sick too. >> president-elect on true social just made it official. he wrote "i'm thrilled to

announce robert f. kennedy jr. is the united states secretary of health and human services." >> jordan: unpasteurized whale juice for everybody! wow! this is exciting news! we are making things in america again, specifically patient zeros. of course with trump there's never just one horrifying thing to focus on. today the fallout continued over trump's pick for general, matt gaetz. house republican and guy who's had more needles in his face than pinhead. now, yesterday trump selected him to lead the doj and this future employees couldn't be happier. >> multiple current and former senior officials left speechless, calling it insane, unbelievable, and one saying he's the least qualified person ever nominated for a position in the department of justice. >> jordan: i think what i'm

hearing is "he has a lot of potential." seriously. the least qualified ever. keep in mind, that includes one of trump's previous ag's, who once starting promotional videos for a toilet before well endowed men. and yes, this was a real thing that happened during trumps first term. you don't remember it, which is okay, because if it's in any consolation, we will forget all of this too. but i will tell you. i'll tell you who is not disappointed by this pick. i will tell you who is not disappointed by this pick, matt gaetz, a.k.a. the guy who plays bob's big boy in porn parodies. he's ready to go. as soon as he was nominated he immediately resigned from his house seat so he could get the ball rolling. it's just that eager to begin

general attorneying. unless there was, you know, i don't know, some other reason he resigned so quickly. >> he's been under investigation by the house ethics committee, paid for sex with a 17-year-old. his resignation from the house will effectively end that investigation with that report do to be out friday. >> jordan: wow. wow. wow, wow, wow. what a crafty legal maneuver by matt gaetz. he must be dating a girl who does mock trial. now, call me old-fashioned, but it seems to me like a guy who was recently investigated by the justice department isn't the best fit to lead the justice department. but maybe that's coastal elite talk. i assume congressional republicans are excited for one of their own to be elevated to such a lofty position. let's hear them gloat to reporters. >> they try to talk to a lot of republican senators tonight about matt gaetz being nominated

to the post and they made it clear they were not ready to engage. >> very troubled. >> what about matt gaetz? do you support him? >> the nomination process. >> i don't know yet, i will think about that one. >> do you think matt gaetz is confirmable? >> we will find out. >> hundred or kennedy, what you think of matt gaetz as attorney general? >> happy thanksgiving. [applause] >> jordan: happy thanksgiving! matt gaetz has nothing to do with thanksgiving besides him and the turkeys both needing pardons, of course. that was it. i like the strategy for avoiding the press. do you have regrets about the internment camps? happy arbor day! and if you're wondering, why does matt gaetz's own party hate him so much, the answer would actually take some time.

it's not just the underage sex allegation, it's also that he routinely attacks other republicans, doesn't do any work himself and his personal quest to overthrow speaker kevin mccarthy so divided his party, a fellow republican had to be restrained by the mouth from fighting him on the house floor. it was the first time in history congress had to call a face mask penalty. he hasn't just been instigating coups against his own leaders. even his social skills gave his fellow republicans the it. take it from republican markwayne mullin republican markwayne mullin. >> we had all seen the videos he had shown on the house floor that all of us had walked away of the girls he had slept with, he would brag about how he crushed ed medicine and chase it with with an energy drink so he could go all night. >> jordan: first of all, i'm not sure if matt gaetz knows how to brag. going around telling coworkers that you are free basing viagra,

and you know i had to use an extra small condom, bro. yeah, hit me up top! yeah, bro! i could barely get it up! yeah! for the love of god, who drinks energy drinks? pound some coffee like an adult sexual predator. it clearly the justice department is a bout to get a hard core makeover. once he's in power you will get to plead guilty, not guilty, and "the [bleep] is your problem, man?" more importantly, there's not a single thing we've seen from matt gaetz's career or character that would make him fit to be the attorney general of the united states. luckily, all it will take to stop him is for his own colleagues, who legitimately hate him, to show the slightest

bit of spine. what say you, markwayne mullin? >> are you going to go for matt gaetz? >> i completely trust president trump's decision-making on this one. >> jordan: i don't get it! do you hate matt gaetz are not? you can't have it both ways. unlike your mom did when she couldn't decide whether she decided to name you mark or wayne. [cheers and applause] there you have it, folks. republicans admission to donald trump in a nutshell: matt gaetz is a creep who forced me to watch it sex tapes, and yes, i will be voting for him. happy thanksgiving. for more on the congressional reaction to the matt gaetz nomination, we go live to the capital with desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause]

we've heard from republicans but what is the democratic strategy for matt gaetz? >> i spoke to democrats and their strategy is to vote for him unanimously. >> jordan: wait, democrats will vote for him? >> yeah, it's part of any strategy that they call, and i quote, [bleep] and find out. [cheers and applause] if donald trump wants a clown as ag, do donald trump gets a clows ag. have fun watching the press conferences where he shows a video of him a rifle towering some chick. do you need me to explain that to you? >> jordan: i get it. that really how the dems are going to respond to the ag? >> not just the ag, the entire trump presidency, rfk at the health department, fox news guys defense secretary. democrats are not going to try to clean up the maga messes anymore.

you want to be bad and smoke a cigarette? guess what? now you've got to smoke a whole carton. good news! according to rfk's new health guidelines, it's healthier than vaccines! >> jordan: i understand that impulse but isn't it just going to be bad for the voters? >> i asked nancy pelosi that and she said "oh, the voters? how did the voters vote again last tuesday? oh, i've got a recount right here!" >> jordan: oh. >> yeah. turns out she didn't have the recount, it was just her middle finger. >> jordan: i guess democrats have a right to be upset but aren't they at least a little concerned that he could weaponize the judiciary to go after them? >> i asked nancy pelosi about that too she said oh, yeah, i'm so scared of legal mastermind matt gaetz coming after me.

i can't wait to see his indictment written in crayon. here's my response, and then you can imagine my surprise when she just pulled out her middle finger. it seems like she only has that one move. >> jordan: it's a decent move. so their attitude toward republicans is basically you made your bed, now you get to lie in it. >> exactly, but with matt gaetz, you might want to change the sheets first. >> jordan: when we come back, charlamagne tha god will be joining us. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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(♪♪) it's big, its back, and it's only $6. get the big box y'all love today! and this holiday season you can order a cajun style turkey at your local popeyes. ♪love that chicken from popeyes♪ [applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." we all know i've got great opinions but i'm not the only one. studies show that other people also have opinions. so here with another installment of "in my opinion," is our good friend, charlamagne tha god. hey! >> i'm not going to bullshit you. right now i'm confused. more confused after america found out that john krasinski won sexiest man alive, he wasn't even the sexiest man on

"the office!" what's confusing, up until last tuesday, if you asked any democrat what they thought about donald trump, they say something like this. t>> no one has ever been more dangerous to this country than donald trump. >> trump is fascist to the court. >> want to be dictator trying to run around punishing his enemies. >> look who's -- objectivist. democratic. he says that he wants to be a dictator on day one, he means it. >> hey, joe biden was on such high alert he almost opened his eyes for a second there. so the part that's confusing me is, if all that is true, what the hell is this? >> it was an encounter many thought would never happen, but in front of a roaring fire, the current and future president exhibited warmth.

>> who knew the fall of democracy would seem so cozy? it's like seeing hitler take over europe in a snuggy. it that's not how you beef. drake isn't inviting kendrick to a slumber party anytime soon. when you get in a room with someone, even j.d. vance called hitler "you don't say i have your back, you say" -- >> i have a clock. [applause] >> and look, i understand you have to transfer power peacefully because you are not fascist, but there's nothing in the constitution that says you have to be nice about it. at least take the opportunity to [bleep] with them! swapping diet coke with kombucha. change the computer passwords to aaron's birthday so, so he can't login. switch the toilet paper in the oval office toilet so it hangs under, i don't know, man. do something. and look, just because i don't want democrats singing kumbaya

with trump, doesn't mean i think they should go all in on trying to take him down. first of all, they already tried that. a lot. i don't have the energy for it anymore, do got impeached twice. i still get ptsd when someone says the words "mueller report." this is an unpopular opinion if you are not a republican. i want trump to succeed, or at least i don't want him to fail so badly he takes, country with him. come on, come on. [applause] i love america, we've got waffle houses here. and there is still a chance that donald trump and his friends won't turn the country into a fascist one house. you know who says they won't? donald trump and his friends. >> donald trump is not going to rule as a dictator. >> he's not a dictator, he's not a threat to democracy. >> he's fine, he's not a fascist. was hitler making self-deprecating jokes? no! >> they accuse me of being a

hitler-type guy, or a hitler lover, and i'm not. i'm the opposite. >> opposite of hitler, i don't know what that means unless it's his weird way of telling us he's circumcised. listen, both sides had their campaign rhetoric, trump came out on top and in a few years we are going to find out who is right and who is wrong. i'm a person called him a fascist, i want to be wrong. and maybe we all will become up because don't forget, one thing trump loves more than anything is being unpredictable. he loves it more than he loves his children. okay, that example. he loves it more than kfc. and now he has a chance to do something truly unexpected. don't be a fascist! and maybe you think that's not possible, but you know me, i'm an optimist. i think if i could just talk to donald trump directly, i could convince him. so let me try.

mr. trump, sir. mr. trump, sir, you are a manly man with great hair and the tightest neck pussy i've ever seen. he is listening now. i need to talk to about your plans. right now you can do anything you want. you have both houses of congress and thanks to the supreme court, you can feed nancy pelosi to alligators and call it an official act. but that's what all your enemies say you are going to do and just think about how stupid they will look if you don't. you know what liberals hate even more than being thrown into a cia black site? being wrong! you could own the lives so hard just by not being a fascist! not being a fascist is so easy. it look, i'm doing it right now! by the way, i'm still doing it. it's simple!

you don't even have to do good things for america, just do nothing. go golfing. that's right! you love golfing and you are so good at it too. we all know he cheats. you know what, mr. president? we will even let you have a little personal corruption as a reward. just leave the constitution in one piece and we will let you skim a billion or two out of the medicare budget. it's fine. you could literally sit on your ass for four years straight doing nothing and shall be considered the greatest president of all time just because you didn't destroy democracy like they said you would! [bleep]. and listen, mr. president, if you just destroy the economy, lead us into a recession, i can live with that. that's normal republican president stuff. just keep your big, strong, not-tiny hands out of the fascist cookie jar and maybe i

still think you're going to do it anyway, to quote the great philosopher sabrina carpenter: "please, please, please, don't prove i'm right." but that's just my opinion. >> jordan: charlamagne tha god, everybody. don't go away. welcome to the credit karmaverse. here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small,

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even if i don't understand it. >> time is a funny thing to understand. finding time, losing time, time that flies. you can't cheat time and you can't beat time. you can't touch it, taste it. time stops for nobody. >> jordan: please welcome francis ford coppola. [cheers and applause] welcome. >> thank you so much. thank you.

>> jordan: sir, this truly is an honor. i will say, i remember in college going to see "apocalypse now," i got to see it in the theater and it expanded my mind as to what i could and should expect from cinema. it was surreal, it was dark, it was literary and last week i get to go in c "megalopolis." and it continued on that trajectory expanding on what could expect and see in cinema. >> you didn't say the last thing you said, "apocalypse now" was all those things and got terrible reviews. >> jordan: i didn't want to say it say it. >> and we've done it again. [applause] >> jordan: court the bastards, right? >> they want movies to be something that they cannot risk, they cannot possibly lose on.

and to me, you know, making art without risk is like making babies without sex. it's possible, but it's not the way to do it. [applause] >> jordan: you are not wrong. if there's a lot of hope in "megalopolis." >> there is. the film is filled with hope and the ending is very positive and i stand by the ending. the ending -- you know, really what it comes down to is that we are capable of solving any problem that is put in front of us. the human being is extraordinary. and the fact is that why do people constantly try to make you feel less than you are? that's because you are better customer if you don't feel too powerful. we spend probably $8 trillion a year on advertising, which is basically selling a little bit of happiness to people in the form of what they can buy. but you can't sell happiness to happy people because they are

already happy. [applause] so what that means is there are efforts to make this be less happy than is necessary. it used to be that you sold but with the product was. now you are selling the identity. if you look at television today and you look at the way it's styled and the way they are dressed and who they are married to, you are meant to say hey, those are people like us, and so they are selling an identity and then by you buying the identity that they've sold you, they want you to be loyal to the brand that that identity is loyal to. and when they start selling who you are, then you know that it's gone too far. >> jordan: i agree with that. where my cynicism comes in -- my cynicism comes in if this is all a war for attention, whether it's on social media or the internet or just the media in general, i feel like the

quickest way to get those eyes is with short, loud burst of anger and flash. how do you create in that atmosphere? i feel like your audience no matter what is going to walk in -- >> there's a line in my movie that he says "when you leap into the unknown, you prove you are free," so i leap into the unknown whenever i can, because i want to be free. [applause] i don't even wear the same so socks. i've got two different colored socks. >> jordan: you've got two different colored socks? >> i don't have to wear the same color socks if i don't want. [applause] >> jordan: that breaks rules consistently and allows us -- it's in select theaters now, francis ford coppola. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> like the legend of caligula, the roman emperor, who wanted to nominate his horse as a roman consult. >> i feel like we are in the twilight zone. >> if you know "star wars," december pelting stuff. december pelting stuff. >> it was more "star trek" and ♪ it seems today ♪ ♪ that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ [announcer] you are watching amazon prime, the network that brought you your sunscreen in two days. amazon prime, like the eighth best way to watch tv. hi, chris, how was school?

wait, what's that note pinned to your backpack? bet it's from a girl in the lunchroom who wants a taste of corn dog. was that a sex joke? it's-- i don't know, shut up. oh, dear, it's from principal shepherd. peter, he wants to see us first thing tomorrow. oh, chris is in trouble. sounds like he needs a little fatherly wisdom. better get my pipe. peter, i think that's the wrong kind of pipe. i'm sorry, mom. i haven't been doing too great in school lately. well, that's very disappointing. i guess your father and i will have to talk to the principal and figure out how to handle this. ah, i wouldn't worry, lois. i never did very well in school either. i even failed homeroom. -peter griffin? -there. thank you for coming, mr. and mrs. griffin. chris seems to be struggling in his classes, and often when kids have trouble in school, it's because something is going on at home. i haven't been attracted to lois for a year and a half. principal shepherd, exactly how poorly is chris doing? well, right now, he has a d-minus average.