you're home, and i'm happy you guys found what you were looking for. yeah, and this trip made me realize that 98% of the world, is just making each other blankets. so, brian, you still an atheist now that dad's met god? stewie, who knows who he met? every time we go to disney world, he thinks mickey mouse just happened to be there that day. i'll tell ya, seeing god in heaven was just like that time i met mickey and donald outside thunder mountain. i mean, what are the odds? but, peter, i still don't understand why you would go to all that trouble to find god and only ask about the patriots. oh, i asked for one more thing. -aah! what's happening? -don't look at her. don't look at her. it's okay. just go with it. it'll all be over in a second. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. matt gaetz makes his broadway debut, mike johnson tries to hide his boner, and the end of democracy is sad, but could it also be profitable? it can! so let's get into another installment of "trump 2.0: coming for the white house!" ♪ ♪ >> i'm going to come. >> desi: last week, donald trump made his insane, yet predictable, pick for attorney general: matt gaetz, florida congressman and if wraparound shades were a person. critics have been asking, "does matt gaetz know enough about the law to be attorney general?" and every day, we're learning that he has lots of experience

with some laws! >> cbs news has learned that two women told the house ethics committee they were paid to have sex with gaetz and to travel with him on multiple occasions. one also says that she saw gaetz having sex with a minor. >> she observed to her right representative gaetz having sex with her friend, who was 17 at the time. [audience reacts] >> desi: your future attorney general, everyone! it's always the people you most expect. and if you're wondering how they found out, it's a case of "he said," "she said," "he has a paper trail." >> the committee has gates's venmo and paypal transactions that allegedly show payments for sex and text messages where he refers to illegal drugs in code words. >> representative gaetz would use terms like, "can you make sure that there are party favors present" or "who's in charge of the party favors?" >> desi: "party favors," clever. can't crack that code!

and they said he paid for sex with venmo? has this guy ever heard of cash? come on. at the bare minimum, an attorney general should know how to cover up his own crimes. now, according to this lawyer, it wasn't all just sex and drugs. there was also theater! >> the lawyer claims in 2019, then-congressman gaetz paid the women to travel to new york to watch his appearance on fox news, attend the broadway show "pretty woman," and have sex with him. [laughter] >> desi: taking two prostitutes to see "pretty woman?" it's a little on the nose, wasn't it? i guess "high school musical" was sold out. [audience reacts] but the worst part is that he apparently took them to watch him on fox news. god, i hope they charged him

extra for that. "it's $1,000 for butt stuff and $2,000 if i have to look at brit hume." now, the house ethics committee looked into all these allegations, but there's a debate about whether they should still release its report now that gaetz has left congress. unfortunately for gaetz, the speaker of the house took office with a very, very clear philosophy. >> my office is going to be known for trust and transparency and accountability. >> desi: transparency! yes, i love it! here is a guy who understands how important it is that the people hear the truth about their next attorney general. so mike johnson, hand over the report! >> speaker mike johnson says the report should stay sealed. >> i would be concerned about opening the pandora's box of saying that the house ethics committee, with its vast resources and unlimited power effectively, could -- could investigate private citizens and release reports about them.

>> desi: mike johnson, seriously? your argument is that if they can investigate matt gaetz for having sex with an underage girl, then they can investigate anyone for having sex with an underage girl, and is that really what we want as a country? yes! yes! we want that! [cheers and applause] we want that! that is what we want to. also, you're violating your principle of transparency to defend the guy accused of throwing sex parties? you? a man who wears a blindfold during sex so that he doesn't accidentally see his own penis? what are you so worried about? >> with regard to the report, there's a very important reason for the tradition and the rule that we always -- have almost always followed -- and that is that we don't issue investigations and ethics reports on people who are not members of congress. >> desi: okay, is it me, or did that "almost" seem like a tell?

what was that about? >> so he's saying it would be a terrible precedent to release this report. he's warning against it, after a member steps down, but keeping them honest, the house ethics committee has done this before, most notably in a financial impropriety case for former tennessee congressman bill boner, who left the house to become mayor of nashville. [laughter and applause] >> desi: yep, that is right, there is precedent for releasing an ethics report because of a guy named bill boner. not to be confused with "boner bill," which is what matt gaetz venmos at the end of a sex party. [applause] bill boner had an ethics scandal in the quaint scandal days, when your scandals were financial and not pubescent. [audience reacts] and after finding that out about him, forgive me, but i went down a bit of a boner hole.

i discovered some old news clips that after leaving congress, bill boner did some amazing work as the mayor of nashville. >> you might not recognize this man who called himself bob until he removed his disguise. then you know it's mayor bill boner, and the disguise was worn when he went undercover last april to buy illegal drugs and to learn just how bad drug trafficking is on nashville streets. >> desi: impressive disguise. usually, you just hide a boner with a math textbook. but you got to give boner a hand... because it worked. >> these are pictures of the drug transaction in which boner bought $40 worth of cocaine in northeast nashville. >> one of the guys that we bought from was by the name of big daddy. >> one big daddy may be out of the drug selling business in nashville, but if these bumper stickers that are going around are any indication, there may be other big daddies in town.

>> desi: it's good, it's good. but i think there's one thing that bumper sticker needs. yeah. there you go! fool-proof. but why did i spend two and a half minutes talking about bill boner? because it's hilarious? because it's a fun little escape? yes. but also, this is the precedent mike johnson can have to release the house ethics report. so johnson, listen up: in times of need, look to boner. for more on this debate on whether to release the house ethics report, let's go to capitol hill with ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ronny, mike johnson claims that if the ethics committee releases the gaetz report, then they could dig up any dirt on any private citizen. isn't that a ridiculous argument? >> no, he's absolutely right. we should leave matt gaetz alone. back to you, desi.

>> desi: what? why would we leave this alone? gaetz is a public official accused of going to underage sex parties. >> yeah, so what, they're going to investigate every party now? it's a slippery slope, okay? like, what? so no one's allowed to get together with friends and get a little wasted and have an argument that gets out of hand? i barely pushed him! >> desi: what are you talking about here? >> i'm talking about precedent! today, it's matt gaetz. tomorrow, they're going after innocent civilians outside a forest in new jersey on a saturday night who are totally innocent. >> desi: you said "innocent" twice. new jersey? you're being weird. >> no, you're being weird, everything's fine. >> desi: all right, well, let's get some additional reporting from josh johnson. [cheers and applause] josh, what can you tell us? >> huh?

tell you what? i didn't say anything! i wasn't even with ronny in that forest. >> desi: no, josh, i want to know what justice department officials are thinking. >> oh, right. right, right, okay. well, i spoke to multiple people inside the justice department, and they have no idea we were even near that forest! so it's all good! >> desi: no! matt gaetz! what are they saying about gaetz? >> oh. department officials are nervous about a sex offender representing them. and that's bad. and it was a long time ago. just like last saturday night was also a long time ago. so best to just leave both things alone. back to you, desi. >> desi: wait, wait, what is going on with you guys? were you in a forest together in new jersey last saturday? >> no, of course not! >> absolutely not! we weren't burying anybody in a forest. i don't even own a shovel! >> josh, shut the [bleep] up! >> sorry, i'm so scared. i'm going to throw up.

>> desi: i'm starting to suspect that something's going on here. let me just go out to grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] grace. grace, where are you? >> grace! why did you go you back to the forest? >> because i can't stop thinking about what we did! >> ain't no [bleep] "we." don't tell desi shit. >> shut the [bleep] up, grace, they have nothing! >> desi: grace, grace, why do you have a shovel? >> digging? who's been digging? i didn't say anything about digging. ronny did most of the digging! oh, god! >> grace, shut the [bleep] up! >> desi: guys, guys! we're going to get to the bottom of this. but first, i'm going to turn to jordan klepper for more on gaetz. >> no! >> no, no, no! >> because... jordan is -- he's -- he's been on vacation, baby! to the bahamas! he said to tell you he was leaving for a few days. and to never contact him, ever

again. >> desi: okay, i'm not stupid. i see what's going on here. saturday night... new jersey... digging in a forest... you guys were gardening without me! >> oh, yes... >> yeah. >> yeah. >> yeah, you caught us. we're so sorry. >> but, um, if you could say that you were with us until, like, 2:45 a.m. that night, that would be great! >> desi: yeah, you got it! ronny chieng, josh johnson, and grace kuhlenschmidt, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we'll find out how to make trump work for you. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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at harbor freight, we design and test our own tools and sell them directly to you. no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love. whatever you do, do it for less at harbor freight. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." if you want honest and rigorous financial news, then go eat a dick. but if you want to get rich, then you want michael kosta in another installment of "kosta doin' business." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> oh! hey, everybody! i'm michael kosta, and this is "kosta doin' business." big shout out to our sponsor: cocaine! cocaine. it's not illegal if you're white. now that we know who our next president is, we're tracking a

whole lot of movement in the market. so how can you get rich off a trump presidency? hit me! >> private prison stocks rose overnight after trump selected immigration hardliner tom homan as his border czar. >> two big private prison companies, geo and core civic, both went up by more than 56%. and the chairman of core civic said this is an unprecedented opportunity for them to make a lot of money in the coming months. >> a lot of money! prison stocks are boomin' and i'm buyin'. if profiting off prisons is a crime, well, then lock me up. and if being filthy rich is a crime, then throw away the key. and if vehicular manslaughter is a crime, oh, i guess i'm in a lot of trouble. uh-oh! honestly, being in prison seems like fun. shootin' hoops all day, drinkin' toilet wine all night. and the friendships. you know, i mean, what can i

say? it's actualy hard making male friends as an adult. shout out to my one and only buddy, rick. you're my ride or die, my man. ow! movin' on. what else can we expect under president t-rump? we all know he got that azz. we also know he ain't going to do shit about climate change. which means it's time to make that climate cha-cha-chaaange! >> we've seen clean energy companies like solar companies see their stocks relatively lower, and in many cases absolutely lower compared to oil and gas stocks. >> bye, bye, solar. hello, super storms. that means a category 5 cash-icane a-coming, and my bank account's about to be flooded. and to capitalize, i'm buyin' any company that makes rain coats, rain hats, galoshes. rule of thumb: if paddington wears it, i'm buying it. [cheers and applause] because let me tell you, people:

it's going to rain! it's going to rain! it's going to rain! look, i'm in the middle of a divorce right now, and i hid a lot of assets in chili's gift cards. we're having a serious custody battle and i'm just hoping i can get my -- ♪ baby back, baby back, baby back ♪ but seriously, it's getting really ugly and it's sad. of course, the market isn't just reacting to trump. it's also reacting to his cabinet picks! hit me! >> shares of dental care supplier henry schein rose yesterday, up by 7.5%. it's the best day since 2022. investors are, of course, speculating that rfk jr., donald trump's pick for health and human services secretary, might push to remove fluoride from the u.s. water supply. >> open your mouth and say, "ahh, yeah!" look, if you're not buying dental supplies, you're totally mental, my guys. i'm talkin' drills, tiny mirrors, and the third best

caine -- novacaine. it goes cocaine, michael caine, and novacaine. [cheers and applause] yep, yep. and yeah, i've had all three on my gums before, so i know what i'm talking about. what's that? you want another trump bump to make your wallet plump? i'm talking woke signage stock! give me that thing! because the libs are going to be spending a lot of money on cute little signs in their window because they don't stand for hate. meanwhile, i'll be "standing" on a [bleep] yacht in monaco with my buddy, rick. look, we're not gay, but we do travel well together. all right? last but not least. here's one more stock tip to make that cheddar drip. i'm talking about something every american is going to need these next four years: kleenex. libs are cryin' in them because they lost. trumpers are jackin' off in them because they won.

and i need kleenex because -- give me them! [cheers and applause] because i get a lot of nose bleeds for some reason. it's crazy. look, thanks for watching. and as always, if you lose all your money because of me -- hey, that's just "the kosta doin' business!" hey, rick, cut me an another line back there! woo! [cheers and applause] woo! >> desi: thank you, michael. when we come back, ronan farrow will be joining me on the show. don't go away. >> woo! [cheers and applause] brisket is back at chipotle. seasoned.

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>> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a pulitzer prize-winning journalist at "the new yorker," and producer of the new hbo documentary "surveilled." >> what was the pitch that you were offering these governments? >> usually, we have one iphone, one android device we use to demonstrate how we can exfiltrate the data from those devices. take over the screen or pictures from the camera. >> what should the average citizen in any country know about this company and this technology? >> it is very powerful. >> should people be concerned? >> yeah, yeah. >> desi: please welcome ronan farrow! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> hello. >> desi: oh, the man right here. >> how are you holding up? >> desi: oh, you know, lots of self-soothing. >> did something happen? >> desi: oh, i can't remember anything in the past week. can you? >> something. something. >> desi: something. >> i could have asked or could have talked any number of governments spying on your phone. >> desi: there is no telling. >> there is no telling. >> desi: i am so happy to have you here. you are incredible. >> thank you, desi. >> desi: you won a pulitzer prize for your reporting on the me too movement. and now you are working on this documentary, "surveilled. it kind of shook me to my core to watch it. >> yeah. >> desi: and you were actually the target of covert surveillance when you were doing your reporting on harvey weinstein. what happened? how did you know about it? >> i was, and that was a mix of old-fashioned human surveillance, like, dudes

staking out my apartment, and some high tech, they are tracking my geolocation data through my phone. and look, that is mild stuff in comparison to the technology in this film. >> desi: that sounds cartoony almost. >> i know, it's quaint. >> desi: eating cheesesteak. >> old gumshoes. this is scarier, more insidious stuff. technology like pegasus is the example we use in the film where i get cameras into where it is coded and i look at the impact on the ground around the world, where, in one western democracy after another, in spain, poland, greece, we are seeing this being used against political dissidents, against activists, against journalists. so my own experiences, being trailed and fearing my reporting was not going to come out because sources would be intimidated, really gave me this little window into this much larger issue, where i just know that surveillance means shrinking space for democratic expression. and we have all got to worry about that. >> desi: so walk us through the

process of how this type of technology works and who was using it. >> it is a booming, multibillion dollar industry. and the biggest companies like to claim that they sell this only to governments. so you have governments, whether they are repressive regimes in the developing world, or they are western democracies that just don't have the capacity that, say, a cia has, that are buying this up. but the interesting thing is also united states government offices are buying this up and actually, in recent months we saw, for instance, i.c.e., our immigration enforcement agency, buy a really powerful israeli private spyware made by a private company, a company called paragon. so they've got that now. we don't know how they are going to use that. donald trump is coming in and privacy law experts and immigration lawyers i'm talking to are saying, there are not clearly defined restraints on whether that turns this country into an orwellian surveillance state where any text could be a thing that gets you retaliated against maybe, if you are

someone the government doesn't like, deported if you are someone awaiting an immigration hearing. this is frightening stuff that can really affect lives. so i think this is something where you might think to yourself, it is not going to affect me. they don't want my nudes, like, what is on my phone? [laughter] >> desi: sure, no one does want my nudes. i've tried to push them on people. and no one wants them. >> we are going to work on that self-esteem issue. you are going to get that validation probably from a western government that has been corrupted by surveillance technology. they will want your nudes. >> desi: i will take it where i can get it. >> the thing is, you could fall into your dragnets. in the film, there are innocent bystanders we talk to who aren't political at all and suddenly they are getting hacked. maybe they are a doctor and it is their patient's sensitive information and you don't know how that will be weaponized by people with nefarious intent. so i think it is easy to see this as a distant issue but what we are seeing around the world is it can come for anyone and we should really worry about it because it does shrink the space for democracy. if we can't express ourselves freely without being watched, if reporters can't guard their sources at a time when donald trump is threatening to

imprison reporters who protect their sources, if it is much harder for me to do my work, that is a much worse environment for the will of the people being expressed. so i'm hoping people see the movie and they get, okay, this is actually something we should freak out about a little bit. >> desi: for the love of god, watch the movie! watch the movie! >> and restart your phone every day. that is one practical piece of advice. because a lot of forms of this kind of spyware will be foiled by a reboot. and honestly, if you care about this issue, write to your representative, call in and say, hey, legislators, we really do need this to be regulated. >> desi: we are so incredibly grateful for your work. thank you for all that you do. we are beyond grateful. thank you. >> it means a lot. [cheers and applause] >> desi: the hbo original documentary "surveilled" debuts november 20th on hbo and max. ronan farrow, everyone! we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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the polar vortex is bringing a lot of snow. just be safe getting home. this storm will be here through the night, as will i. ♪♪ the december to remember sales event. get offers on select models. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen."

>> can trump, what happens if he loses gaetz, does it leave a stink? >> i don't think so. i also think gaetz doesn't get it because of the sex scandal. i think gaetz specifically doesn't get this because he is an asshole to people and people in the senate don't like him. >> sorry. ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ [tv announcer] we now return to 11 angry men and one developmentally disabled man. okay, the vote is 11 for "guilty" and one for "kitty." [all groaning]

all right, let's keep talking it out... has the jury reached its verdict? we have, your honor. we find the defendant... kitty. [gallery shouting, murmuring] boy, am i beat. peter, what's with the tie? oh, i bought a tie, so i can loosen it when i'm beat. -[sighs heavily] -[exclaiming] oh, my god, dad! peter, your breath! it's horrible. [sniffs] is whoopi goldberg working out down there? peter, i think what everyone's saying is that you've got "dad breath." what the hell's "dad breath"? you know, "dad breath." guys get older, they stop paying attention to hygiene, their bodies are changing... it's just a fact that, at a certain age, men start to rot from the inside out. [exhales, sniffs] i don't smell it. huh. maybe that explains what happened with that new guy at work today. all right, so this is pawtucket patriot's national distribution. as you can see, we are predominantly an east coast beer. hey, there's gonna be a quiz on all this later.