and to be seen oh, you nailed it! is to be loved thanks mom give the gifts that show you get them. welcome to your walmart. come on, children. grab the dinner mints off the check and let's go. [♪ soft music playing] woof. that was an historic season. historic. excuse me. i think my steak is overcooked. this is applebee's. it definitely was overcooked. [announcer] applebee's, drink your blue drink and shut up. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng!

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: hey, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. south koreans sample martial law and say "no, thanks!" lewis black tells you how to survive the next four years, and pete hegseth is on day three of his news bender. so let's get into another edition of "trump 2.0: coming for the white house!" ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> ronny: donald trump is still constructing his next administration, but he seems to be doing it the same way that billionaire built that titanic submarine, because it's imploding immediately. >> pick in peril. pete hegseth, back on the hill with his bid for defense secretary in doubt. >> will another trump nominee be forced out? a growing number of senators signal they are not behind

trump's defense secretary nominee pete hegseth. who is the president-elect considering to replace him? >> will pete hegseth's nomination survive the day? it's a real question. >> ronny: wow. this would be very sobering news for pete hegseth if he wasn't shitfaced right now. i mean, if hegseth doesn't get confirmed, this is really going to make people question trump's strategy of giving the most unemployable people on earth the hardest jobs that have ever existed. and honestly, i almost feel bad for this guy. he had it made! a cushy job on fox news, a side-hustle selling macho garbage on right-wing instagram, a loving third family. and then trump comes along, offers him a job, and now his life is kind of [bleep] up. who could have seen that coming, other than matt gaetz, mike pence, rudy giuliani, michael cohen, and everyone else trump has ever come into contact with. hey, anyone heard from

herman cain lately? he's dead. google it. and maybe one of the reasons why pete hegseth can't seem to extinguish this dumpster fire of his nomination is because more people keep throwing garbage into the dumpster. >> yesterday, new allegations of excessive drinking also emerging about the decorated combat veteran. nbc news spoke with ten current and former fox news employees who worked with hegseth on one of the network's morning shows and say the former cohost drank in ways that concerned them. two saying on more than a dozen occasions, they smelt alcohol on hegseth before he went on air. >> ronny: okay, before you judge, yes, his show starts at 6:00 in the morning. but he was still drinking from the night before, okay? so it's not sad, it's awesome. i will say, it's weird that we're arguing about the

drinking. because even if he was stone cold sober, he's a tv host who ran two veterans organizations into the ground. he's not qualified to run the pentagon anyway! this is like saying, "yo, this cat can't be a pilot, he has a drinking problem!" that maybe this cat can be a pilot. but you know what, this might be for the best. the first step to sobriety is your coworkers admitting you have a problem. and look, we don't have any hard evidence that pete hegseth was drinking before work, but if you watched his show very carefully, you might have picked up some subtle clues that he liked to knock 'em back. >> i've always wanted to do this. >> pretty good shake. >> oh, look at the color. >> look at that. look at that. >> i will not be abstaining from alcohol. possession is 9/10th of ownership! >> we're sharing. >> we have three more hours. >> maybe if i do well, i'll get a pint. >> had a little bit of champagne. >> there you go. >> i'm going to get another refill, hold on. >> champagne is my problem when it comes to hangovers, it's just -- it's bad. >> but it fixes the problem in

the morning, because then you have a little bit more champagne and then your problem goes away. >> ronny: again, this show airs at 6:00 a.m. but as pete hegseth always says, "hey, it's 11 a.m. somewhere." so hegseth is losing the president, he's losing the senators, he's losing his coworkers. i mean, does he have anyone left on his side? >> this just in, pete hegseth's mother just sitting down for an interview. >> he's very smart. he loves his country. he's a good dad. he's an amazing son and father. i wouldn't be sitting here if i didn't believe he's the man for the job. >> ronny: what kind of parent-teacher conference are we watching right now? because the future secretary of defense needs his mom to come out and defend him? i thought you were against women in combat roles. and besides, i never saw donald rumsfeld be like, "hey, i have a warning for the taliban. mom, you tell them."

now, the reason pete's mom is part of this story is because a few years ago, during his second divorce, his mom sent him an email where she called him -- her own son -- a habitual cheater, liar, and abuser of women. but now she's saying, ay, don't worry about it! >> let's go back seven years, which, if we all went back seven years, we would -- we would see that maybe we are not the people we are today. i want people to look at pete, understand him for who he is today, and to disregard the media. that was seven years ago, and most of it is misinformation. >> ronny: what "misinformation"? you wrote the email! you're the one who told us he is a piece of shit! and by the way, seven years wasn't ancient history. we still have the same spiderman! overall, things don't look good

for pete hegseth. but the good news is, he has the perfect solution. >> you have a little bit more champagne and then your problem goes away. >> ronny: but thank buddha, let's move on to story that doesn't involve trump. yesterday, out of nowhere, the incredibly unpopular president of south korea declared martial law, and then, a few hours later after everyone got mad, he was like, "you know what, forget it, that was a stupid idea. how about that rose song?" [singing] to me, the craziest thing about this whole episode is what happened in south korea during the few hours of martial law. >> the announcement sparking massive protests in seoul. this woman's confrontation with an armed soldier going viral as she screams, "aren't you embarrassed" at him. >> ronny: holy shit. she knows that's a gun, right? she's grabbing it like it's a thing that doesn't shoot bullets.

she's like, "is this a vacuum cleaner? what's this button do? i want to see it." this wasn't the only time a protester stood up to the military in south korea! check out this dude when a soldier tries to take his phone. [cheers and applause] i know everyone thinks all asians know martial arts. and let me be clear, stereotypes are harmful. but did you see that shit! that dude single-handedly aikido'd the soldier into surrendering! that uncle is either really protective of democracy or very concerned about people seeing what's on his phone. by the way, trump, if you're paying attention, can we get this guy as secretary of defense?

his defense is incredible! he just did that. for more on the fallout in south korea, let's go live outside the south korean parliament with josh johnson! [cheers and applause] josh, josh, what's going on over there? >> um. yeah, look. you're seriously asking me? i feel like you might know more about this than me. >> ronny: why? >> come on, ronny. you know why. >> ronny: because i'm the host? >> nah... >> ronny: because i'm more well-read than you? >> that's not it. >> ronny: because i'm better looking? >> no... because it's a korea story and you're... from around there? >> ronny: josh, what the [bleep]! i'm not korean!

i'm malaysian -- that's totally different! >> calm down, malaysian has "asian" in it! it's closer than me! i'm clearly out of my depth here. the politics, the language. even the food. they offered me "soul food" - and not one candied yam or collard green. >> ronny: josh, i don't expect you to just know. we sent you to do a report! so just do your job and ask around! >> and what do you think i'm doing? i found an asian person, and i am asking right now! >> ronny: this's racist, dude. you're black, how about if i ask you what's going on in zimbabwe? >> oh, zimbabwe going through it, ronny. they just had to raise interest rates to 36% to keep the currency from an inflation crisis, which could collapse president minan-gagwa's government. >> ronny: all right, lucky guess. an economy collapsing in africa, that's all of them! >> that's racist.

>> ronny: no, you're racist! look, just give me your best analysis of what's going on in korea right now. >> all right, well, frankly, i'm not surprised at all. we've all know for years that kim jong un is crazy. of course he's going to pull some shit like that. >> ronny: josh, that's north korea. you are in south korea! that's a different country. >> damn, ronny! the asian guy seems to know a lot about asia! [cheers and applause] i guess i'm racist and right! >> ronny: goddamn it! forget it. josh johnson, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, lewis black will help you deal with the election. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

(vo) 'tis an ad abouwireless, but please do remember, it's no holiday ad (thougit ns through december...). holidaysre stressful, but visible's stress-free. with unlimited data, and no hidden fees. start the year wh a deal that'll save you a bunch: just 20 bucks a month for 25 mons! you're rlly making all of this by hand. oh yeah. the avocados a hand mashed, the chips are hand tossed. and everything is made fresh you make it fresh every day. yes, every day. the chipotle way is: weake it fresh every day. sounds delicious. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." when a news story falls through the cracks, lewis black catches it, for a segment we call "back in black." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> it's already been a month since the election. i guess time flies when i'm not

ripping out what's left of my pubes. since trump's victory, half the country is excited, and the other half is still at home in the fetal position. me? i'm coping by shutting off the news for a while and watching something a little cozier, like "who killed jonbenet ramsey?" baby, it's cold outside, and so is this case! but for those democrats able to leave the house, this is what they're doing. >> an art installation on the walls of a 14th street subway stop is encouraging people to put their thoughts on post-it notes. it invites everyone to leave their feelings about this week's presidential election. >> things like, "i'm so scared, but i love this life more than i fear darkness." >> what the [bleep] is this? call me old-fashioned, but if you have a breakdown on the subway, you're supposed to jump

in front of it! subway walls are only for two things: mysterious piss stains, and ads for shen yun. sure, it's a cult, but those concubines sure can boogie! and who are these people writing their deepest feelings on a train platform? the only subway thoughts i have are "is that guy shitting?" and, "why am i being stabbed?" in that order! but if writing post-its is a little too subtle, you can react to the election loss the american way: violence. >> rage rooms have seen a spike in business since the election. it's a place where you can go in, smash plates, televisions, anything else you can find to let off steam. >> in fact, in the immediate days after the election, they say the number of reservations have tripled. a unique way... [crashing]

to smash away that stress. [crashing] >> look out, everyone! the libs are pissed, and they're coming for grandma's fine china. democrats can't even get mad correctly. conservatives storm the capitol. meanwhile, democrats are like, "are these crowbars ethically sourced?" when shit gets bad, you don't smash things like a toddler, you let it eat away at you from the inside, like a big boy, with stress-related hemorrhoids. which reminds me... this segment is brought to you by preparation h. preparation h: i'm old, i'm angry, and i'd like some free preparation h. [cheers and applause] but if you'd like to be sad

without getting a shard of glass in your retina, you could always venture outdoors and get in touch with your inner coyote. >> liberal women are holding what they call primal scream events to release their fury, screeching at the top of their lungs at lake michigan. [screaming] >> okay, let me get this straight. plan a for the democrats was to vote, and plan b is to scare the [bleep] out of sturgeon. i don't know about you, but i'm feeling optimistic about 2028! trust me. screaming doesn't change anything! i've been doing it for 40 years and i'm still at the same [bleep] desk! god, i've wasted my life. but if screaming beside a lake doesn't cure your election

blues, maybe riding on a boat will. >> and if the presidential elections made you want to jump ship from america for a little while, well, villa vie residences is a cruise line that actually lets you take up long-term dwelling onboard its "odyssey" ship. now there's a "one-year escape from reality" or a "two-year midterm selection." and if your election hangover is just really, really bad, well there's the "three-year everywhere but home" and a "four-year skip forward" option. >> ooh, a four-year cruise! sign me up! what better cure for an election hangover than half a decade of pina coladas and freeze dried scallops? trump's going to slash medicaid just in time for me to get super-herpes from a swiss widow. now that every country in the world can see that liberals are terrified, the smart ones are

cashing in! >> well, a small italian village is offering cheap homes to americans who want to leave the u.s. >> yeah. so the town of ollolai has move-in ready homes for up to 10,000 bucks. homes that need a little tlc, they're available for just over a dollar. >> village officials hope this will revive it after its population declined. >> oh, great, an italian village whose population disappeared! that doesn't sound ominous at all! i'm happy to buy an abandoned home and find out what disemboweled all the cattle. listen, america may be [bleep], but that doesn't mean i'm moving into luigi's haunted mansion. plus, america already has a creepy italian shithole. it's called new jersey.

[laughter and applause] wow. not what i expected. [laughs] hey, if you're willing to spend good money to avoid these next four years, i'm willing to take it from you. that's why i'm offering a product of my own. i call it the "forever sleepy time" brick. just shackle it to your foot, and find the nearest body of water. screaming optional. ronny? [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you, lewis. lewis black, everyone. when we come back, tom colicchio will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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♪♪ which obviously comes from the reese's volcano, that flows with ooey, gooey, melty chocolate lava. ♪♪ i'm no geologist but that looks pretty darn good. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an eight-time james beard award-winning chef, restaurateur, and head judge on bravo's hit series "top chef." he's the author of a new cookbook-memoir called "why i cook." please welcome the great tom colicchio! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> wow. >> ronny: one of the most respected chefs in america. thanks for being on the show. great to meet you. >> likewise. >> ronny: great person as well. your book, cookbook and memoir.

you've managed to trick us into reading about your story in between -- you kind of hide it in between these recipes here. very -- it is well written. i encourage everyone to go read it. for a chef, the stereotype is, everyone is very angry but you write this with so much love. >> [laughs] >> ronny: what is the real you? is it this? >> it's this, yeah. >> ronny: i don't know enough about cooking at all but with comedy, there is a certain amount of toxicity that you need to endure to get good at this, you know? so do you feel the same way with cooking? i guess, what would you say to all these woke sissies who are complaining about being mistreated in the kitchen? like, really? are you like, tough enough or are you like -- >> not anymore. we don't do that anymore. we can't do that. things have changed. when i was coming up, it was 40 years ago. it was a very different world that we lived in. you know, there wasn't a whole lot of in your face, screaming

and yelling, but there was a lot of hard, long hours and there was a lot expected of you. but the misogyny was obviously there. the sort of machismo in the kitchen, if you've burned yourself, that was a badge of honor. if you burned your arms, things like that. i think that is a lot of going away. i promised myself at a certain point, if i had a restaurant that i wasn't going to sort of -- the way that i was treated, i was going to break that. i was going to do something different. did i lose my temper at times? absolutely. but nowadays, before you lose your temper, you walk away. >> ronny: okay. >> ronny: i moved to new york city when i was 30 years old from australia, i was living in australia at the time. what struck me about the food in america was that it taste like shit. is there a reason for it? >> where were you going? >> ronny: i was eating out of toilets mostly. no, i mean, in general, i do feel like there is something in america's psyche that for most people, the junk food is the

norm. you know, the idea of nutrition is very skewed and the produce is weird. i don't know. am i being a stuck up asshole? is there something to this? >> no, you are not. i think what you are experiencing, in this country, nutrition is expensive but calories are cheap. so you can go out and buy a bunch of junk and it is cheap but it is not nutritious. but you try to go to a farmers' market and buy great produce and stuff, it is very expensive. that is part of the problem with this country. >> ronny: from what you are saying, the only way kind of people who are less financially successful can eat well is they have to make choices in their life to go, i'm going to buy less ipads and i'm going to -- i don't know. i don't know what the answer is. >> part of the answer is cooking. if you can cook for yourself, you can probably do a lot more for your family. if you are relying on fast food, you are relying on someone making food for you, delivering to your house, that is a different story. also learning how to stretch that food.

learning how to use it all. learning how to use leftovers. you can stretch. i think the numbers now, roughly one quarter of what is purchased at home gets wasted. 25% of what you purchase at home goes in the garbage. it is a complex problem because our system isn't set up to actually get fresh food to the masses. it is set up to get processed food to the masses. >> ronny: yeah, that's bad. >> it is bad, yeah. but i don't know if the government is going to fix this problem. i think this has to happen in communities and in your actual homes and communities. i think a great place would be school lunch. i think school lunch should be universally free across the board. >> ronny: i appreciate you coming on the show. you are an american legend. thanks for trying to help everyone eat properly. i am sorry no one is listening to you. i wish we could all eat better. >> that is all going to change after tonight. >> ronny: thanks for all you do. >> thank you. >> ronny: hey, everybody. "why i cook" is available now. chef tom colicchio. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back

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liberty mutual customized my car insurance so i saved hundreds. with the money i saved i thought i'd get a wax figure of myself. ol right? look at this craftmanship. i mean they even got my nostrils ght. it's just nice to know that years after i'm gone thi guy will be standing the test of ti... he's melting! oh jeez... nooo... oh gaa... only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ go-friends, gather! keke! chris! jason! boop! friends. let's go, let's go, friends! money, power, friendship. let's go! ♪♪ heers and applause] >> ronny: that our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> a new survey by online

magane intelligent reveals nearly 20% of gen z appcants brought their mom or dad with them to a job interview. [laughter] >> is that how you got this job you brought your aunt? >> i brought my aunt and my mom. they can vouch for me. they can vouch for me. >> so [theme music playing] well, should we say prayers first? [laughing] [laughs] can you imagine? what aunch of losers. oh, sometimes i like the kind of trash we are. so, how'd everyone sleep? -fine. -gd. not good. i heard meg having a one-some. oh, had the most random dream. peter, you were there. -uh-huh. -we were at home. except in my dream... oh, brian, wait, you got to hr this. oanfor some reason,ke i was in my underwear, shaking a big bag of kibble. meg, you spilled doritos on the carpet, and i was trying to vacuum them up, but the vacuum had hair all over it for some reaso

imagine that. and, chris, you were wearing a tie 'cause you had ainterview at the brewery, if you can believe it. [chuckles] well, that is one crazy dream. [lois] that's not even the crazy part. ian, i asked you to drive him, but you kept saying your caras in nevada. wow, that is nuts. -[whispers] stewie! -[grunting] -ah, screw it. -[thuds] [people reaming] -whew. -oh, thank god. [shivers] this is still better. s-s-still better. s-still so much better. and, peter, you wanted to go swimming in our pool, which, of course, we don't have. uh-huh. [lois] you had this ridiculously giant towel. uh-huh. [lois] oh, and get this, it had nemo on it. oh, boy, that-that is... that is some dream. [phone rings, vibrates] [lois] and he was wearing giant sunglasses. uh-huh.