so you don't want to end our relationship? (jan) i'm closer to firing you. that is so sweet. you are the best cheated girlfriend in the world. do you know that? [jan sighs] you are. i'll talk to you later. [jan hangs up] you are. so you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? ben franklin. and... elizabeth, the stripper? gave me great advice. which rhymed. really makes you wonder how ben franklin can become president, but someone like elizabeth can't. are you nearsighted or farsighted? both. that's why i invented the bifocals. gaah! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. joe biden takes a farewell tour, florida tackles the scourge of reading, and the nypd is hunting for a master criminal who loves pumpkin spice lattes. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's start with... joe biden? who's that? that name sounds so familiar. anyway, what did he do? >> president biden is continuing his historic trip to angola, as he become the first u.s. president to visit the southern african nation. biden is expected to announce infrastructure projects in the region, including the redevelopment of a major railway that carries critical minerals

that are used in batteries and electric vehicles. >> ronny: i know that look. that's the face i make when i ask someone how their weekend was, and instead of saying "good," they actually answer the question. he looks so uninterested. it would have been less rude to just put on a vr headset. "it's fine, i'm still listening to you on a rollercoaster -- whoa!" but hey, don't worry, biden might have at least one fun thing planned for his last few days in office. >> tonight, "politico" reports that the biden administration is currently debating preemptive pardons for prominent figures who have spoken out against trump. those who could face exposure include senator-elect adam schiff, former gop representative liz cheney, and anthony fauci. white house officials, however, are carefully weighing the extraordinary step of handing out blanket pardons to those who have committed no crimes, both because it could suggest impropriety and because those offered preemptive pardons may

reject them. >> ronny: man, pardons are getting so confusing! it used to be that you had to commit a crime to be pardoned. but now, biden has to do this weird "minority report" pre-pardon thing, like, "we know you didn't do anything, but trump thinks you did something, so i'm going to pardon you for anything you did even though you didn't do it." it's what our founders would have wanted! also, who in their right mind would reject a presidential pardon? do you want to go to jail? that's where diddy is! if you're going to reject a pardon, just give it to me, i'll take it! i'll probably need it if donald trump comes after me for political satire, speaking truth to power, or opening a credit card in my roommate's name. any of those things! but let's move on, because the story that everyone is talking about isn't in washington, d.c., it's right here in new york city!

[cheers and applause] where a manhunt continues for a man accused of carrying out a targeted hit on a health insurance ceo. and investigators have been finding clues in some surprising places. >> urgent manhunt. police looking for the man who gunned down the ceo of unitedhealthcare. >> nbc news has learned that the words "deny, defend, and depose" were on the shell casings at the scene of the shooting. >> investigators believe this could be a reference to what's called the three ds of insurance, a known reference made by critics of the health insurance industry. >> to write something on something this small, and i mean, john, picture how you would try to do that. would you take a fine point? sharpie? would you try to scratch it in? >> ronny: "would you train a mouse to write it with some kind of mouse crayon?" who gives a [bleep] how he wrote it! it's not important how he wrote it, what's important is that he wrote it.

this guy knows that there are so many bullet casings on the streets of new york, and he wanted to make sure we knew which ones were his. [applause] i don't know if we should be applauding that. and now they're trying to interpret what "deny, defend, and depose" means. and it looks like it's either a criticism of the health insurance industry, or this guy was just trying to solve the wordle on his bullets. honestly, i think all bullets should say stuff on them. how else are we going to get americans reading? load up a machine gun with a "tale of two cities" written in it. "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." but now the cops just need to narrow down their list of suspects to anyone in america who hates their health care plan and has access to guns.

should be solved in no time! and there's one other thing that might help them piece this together. >> the nypd is processing forensic evidence the suspect left behind at a nearby starbucks just before the shooting. >> ronny: you stopped at a starbucks on the way to your assassination? "ugh, you know me, i can't even think about murdering until i've had my coffee." but this is helpful: because this guy went to the starbucks, so we now know he's either a tourist or a local who really needed to take a shit. and if he did use the bathroom, they'll definitely have his dna, since 99% of starbucks bathroom users somehow miss the toilet. but that's not the only major crime story today. we also have crime in the skies. >> new questions after an airport security breach. federal investigators are looking into how a stowaway boarded a flight from new york to paris at the height of holiday travel. >> svetlana dali managed to bypass the document check podium

as well as the gate agent before boarding delta flight 264 from jfk to charles de gaulle airport. >> dali was caught when a flight attendant noticed that she was going from bathroom to bathroom because she didn't a on the plane. >> ronny: first of all, that is not what a stowaway is. a stowaway has to hug the wheel or hang on to the wing like tom cruise. if you're just inside the plane without a seat, you're not a stowaway, you're just losing at musical chairs. and if security's so lax, maybe i should have just left that bottle of shampoo in my backpack instead of smuggling it up my ass. am i crazy? how did she do this? airport security is so complex! they have the ropes and the dogs and the machines and the people and the scanner that takes your naked photo and posts it on the internet. what kind of secret agent acrobatics did she have to do to get past all that? >> she first used a lane

reserved for flight crews and then skirted the standard i.d. check. but she went through a body scanner and voluntarily removed two bottles of water that officers discovered in her bags. >> ronny: that's it? we give tsa $10 billion a year and all they got was her water? tsa is like, "we literally don't care who you are, what you plan on doing, as long as you're not hydrated!" for more on this story, let's go live to the airport with grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] grace, how did this woman evade airport security? >> beats the [bleep] out of me, ronny! the way she did it made it look like they don't pay attention if you sneak through the flight crew line, but they do pay attention. especially when you yell, "made it!" >> ronny: what the hell, grace? we sent you down there to interview the tsa. why are you under arrest? >> because i'm a reporter, and i

wanted to report on what it's like to get a free flight to the bahamas for two weeks. that's how dedicated i am to the pursuit of the truth. >> ronny: it's not your job to get arrested sneaking through a flight crew lane. >> i didn't! they almost arrested me, but then i pointed at a guy and told them he had 3.1 ounces of sunscreen. they beat the living shit out of him, and i got to the gate. >> ronny: okay, but you didn't have a boarding pass. >> yeah, it turns out, if you put your phone down on that ticket scanner and just say "beep," they'll totally let you through. >> ronny: you didn't have a seat, though. >> i actually was able to find a seat way up front, but apparently only the pilot is allowed to sit in the cockpit? which seems super strict. did something, like, happen? >> ronny: so once you got on the plane, that's how they got you. >> no. i guess they thought i was the pilot so they let me fly the

plane, but my landing was a little bumpy, and that's when they caught me. they're super sharp, these guys. >> ronny: grace, do you have anything to report on at all? >> yes. it turns out there is an interesting new wrinkle to this story, which is... i need a pardon. [applause] did you know all of this was a federal crime? >> ronny: i hear joe biden's handing them out. grace kuhlenschmidt, everyone. when we come back, we ban some books, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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is strong enamel. nothing beats it. i recommend pronamel active shield because it actively shields the enamel to defend against erosion and cavities. i think that this product is a game changer for my patients. it really works. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." book banning fever is sweeping america, but is it possible that book banning may not be great? michael kosta has more. >> water-skiing while intoxicated. mentioning climate change in government records. reading maya angelou and public schools. these are all things that are banned in florida. that last one is because in march, 2022, ron desantis signed the curriculum transparency bill, which made it easier for anyone to request that any number of books be removed from public school libraries. >> and if there are things like,

the parents have a right to say it should be removed from the s. >> one individual has made more use of the law than anyone else in florida. conservative activist and dirty bookworm, bruce friedman. >> you are the number one book banner in the number one state of book banning. you are the michael jordan of book banning. >> well, i challenge more than one book every calendar day. >> how many challenges have you made, would you say? >> over 900. >> ronny: let me ask what your qualifications are for determining this. do you have a doctorate in literature? >> no. >> ronny: do you have a degree in child education, media? >> no. >> ronny: why are you the arbiter? >> a book with plain pit sexual activity and over-the-top grotesque, excessive profanity, doesn't belong in any of our schools. that is what this is. >> i believe page profanity. let me offer a counter. the internet.

phones. lyrics in songs. movies. >> sure. >> do you think kids aren't seeing that shit? >> what does it take to control what is coming at your children? desire. you have to want to. >> and do you have kids in the school system? >> yes. he's not allowed in the public school library so it doesn't matter. >> ronny: hold on. your son doesn't use a library at school? >> that is correct. it is polluted. >> you are doing all of this work for all the other kids. >> correct. >> that's right. bruce is so good at protecting his own kid that he needs an even bigger challenge, protecting other people's kids. but how did those parents feel about it? >> what is the big deal about having a random man named bruce determine which books your kids read? >> i want my children exposed to different mindsets, different points of view. so at some random person tells me that, no, this is not how you should parent your children, i have a problem with that. >> first of all, when we are talking about anything that involves sex at all, it is not

children, it is teenagers. these are high schools. >> that is what so many of these book challenges do. they take issues of racism, discrimination, sexual assault, and they label them as pornographic, just because it makes it easier to remove the book. and he brags about having a list of over 5,000 books that he wants out of our schools. >> are there even 5,000 books? >> yes. >> in the world? >> [laughs] >> i'm not a big reader. >> so it bruce protecting innocent kids or forcing his own beliefs on others? to resolve that question, i would have to do the one thing i had sworn never to do: join a book club. >> we have all read this book. >> not me. "i know why the caged bird sings." written by maya angelou. a poet laureate. >> she wrote porn. >> but i know a pornographic book because it is like, [bleep], , and his [bleep] is hd and he shoots [bleep] all

over -- >> those would be disqualified content. >> that is not what my angelou, i know why the caged bird sings. >> it violates law. >> he would hope that it shuts up. some of the other targets are more surprising in particular. >> okay, "mixed." >> two male characters getting married. >> look at their big, old [bleep]s. >> so they are getting married and here is the most offensive part. look at what happens here. they have a green baby. what did they do, shit it out of their bottles bottles? >> it's their problem. i don't want to get lost in the mechanics. >> what happened? >> it was appeal. you immediately appeal. >> that is what i do. >> in your opinion, there is an alien creature in this book and it is neither male nor female and you believe it is part of a greater agenda. >> that is correct. >> i'm thinking of a person. is it a boy? no. is it a girl? nope. is it me, is it you? now i'm thinking of a planet.

>> if your child is unclear on their sex, how would you resolve the issue? >> this is not the issue. >> no, it's not. >> i don't even know what the [bleep] you are talking about by challenging their spirits bigger than it fails and we move on. >> it did fail that challenge and you immediately appealed. >> i always do. anything that fails, i appeal. >> due to florida law, books are removed while the challenges appealed. so little that get off on color blobs and story aliens, there id to his relentless drive. >> we have some more time and time and resources on bruce friedman then any person in the history of clay county. >> how are you personally affected by bruce friedman? >> essentially, i was the only librarian in the district who was speaking out against the book banning, and i guess i got to be too much trouble and they decided to have me removed from the library. >> so bruce had used banned. >> may be.

i guess you could say that. >> yeah, bruce's campaign has been so effective, he's not only been removing books and money from the schools budget, but also people from the library. but even ron desantis may be questioning the strategy for helping florida children. earlier this year, the governor signed a new bill, limiting the amount of challenges any one person can submit. >> it has been mentioned that it might cost $100 to challenge a book. >> yeah. >> what that deter you? >> nothing is going to stop me. >> bruce, do you think you will run day write a book about this experience? >> sure. >> and while that book be banned from a public school library? ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you, michael. when we come back, charles yu will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the author of the bestselling novel "interior chinatown." he's also the creator and executive producer of the hulu series. >> your brother was a guy from chinatown. >> when he walked into the room, everyone stopped. >> yeah, because of his abs. >> when i walk into the room, nobody notices. look at us, shuffling back and forth. never in the action. what are you doing? >> loading a truck. >> we are unloading. >> are you sure? ♪ ♪ [laughter and applause] >> ronny: oh, my god. the acting in this show is absolutely incredible! please welcome mr. charles yu! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] standing ovation! yeah, thanks for coming on the show. >> thank you for having me. >> ronny: man, so good to see you. the first time i met you was on the show all those years ago when you were on with trevor. >> yeah, that was trevor and you came back. it was really nice. >> ronny: i come back to meet all the asians. [laughter] only. [laughter] so you were my showrunner and executive producer on this tv show, and there was a lot of stuff i couldn't ask you at the time. but now that you are a guest on my show, i got some questions for you. first of all, between me, chloe bennet, and jimmy o. yang, who got paid the most? [laugher and applause] you don't have to be specific, but just indicate who was the highest-paid one. okay. >> taika waititi. >> ronny: taika, that makes

sense. taika was the director of the pilot and the ep on the show as well. i feel like, i did the press tour with you for the show and everyone wants the elevator pitch for the show, which is so annoying, because it is like, tell me in five seconds or i won't watch it. now that we have time and this is my show now, so [bleep] the elevator pitch. tell us what the show was about. >> you would think i would have it down by now. you know, it is a show, i think it is about roles. i think it is about how people, like, imagine if you woke up one day and you were living inside of a universe where spider-man was real. and, like, spider-man was on the news and you weren't a superhero, you were just, oh, there is spider-man. >> ronny: you are just some asian guy. >> you are just some asian guy in a spider-man movie. that is sort of what this is like.

it is like, willis wu, the main character played by jimmy o. yang wakes up -- not wakes up, he lives inside of a show that is basically, like, "law and order" type police procedural and that is his reality. essentially, what this season is about is he has a very small role to play, which is really no role. he is a waiter at this restaurant that is in the background of this police show. he has no lines. he's not really in the story. and in the course of the pilot, he says, he's kind of drawn into the story. and he has a chance to say, i don't know if i want to accept my role. you know? he's kind of dealing with both how other people have defined him and limited him, and he is also dealing with his own internal kind of limitations. so he basically breaks out of his role, which is the tagline of the show. "break out of your role." in the course of doing that, he sort of disrupts the whole ecosystem because when this guy sort of starts changing his

lines, everybody in the world he lives in is a little bit messed up now. so it kind of has these ripple effects and that is sort of the nonelevator pitch, which is to say, like, i wrote the book wanting to kind of tell the story about what it's like to be someone like willis wu. >> ronny: a background character. >> a background character. someone who doesn't feel like their story really matters, and you know, what does it look like if you take the background character and say, you know, this story could be yours now, if you choose to kind of accept that mission. >> ronny: your background is also very interesting. right now, i'm trying to get a raise from you so i will keep complementing. so, like, people -- [applause] people don't know this -- >> they are applauding that. [laughter] >> ronny: they are capitalists. they know what they are trying to do. [applause]

so you majored, undergraduate, you were majoring in molecular and cellular biology. >> yes. >> ronny: then you got a law degree and you worked in corporate law and you became a tv writer. >> [laughs] to be clear, i was also a b student in biology. that is why i am a writer. >> ronny: asian b means a. we know that means. [applause] tell us about the biology. >> i majored in biology. it is true. at berkeley and it was hard. go bears. and then i did not get into any medical schools. >> ronny: so then you want into law. >> so i went to law school. to my parents' disappointment. >> ronny: you worked in law and then you went to a law firm and you worked for years and you became a writer. i got to ask the obligatory, like, so any quick advice for all these people out there who are in the corporate world and trying to get into creative

industries? any words of wisdom? >> yeah. get bs in biology. >> ronny: [laughs] be a bad student and you too can end up on "the daily show." [cheers and applause] charles, you wrote a great book, you made a great tv show. thank you so much for having me on it. it is extraordinary. i really appreciate it. "interior chinatown" is streaming now on hulu and the book is available everywhere! hey, charles yu, everybody. [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ mega-heist!

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he was out there all alone great party i really feel the warmth i wish this night would last forever i'll get a mop the polar vortex is bringing a lot of snow. just be safe getting home. this storm will be here through the night, as will i. ♪♪ the december to remember sales event. get offers on select models. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> veteran affairs officials in tennessee just got caught having an orgy on the clock, and not just any orgy. 12 people, but butt naked all over each other at work. we paid for that orgy. this was a taxpayer-funded orgy. veterans affairs, literally. >> sorry. ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪

♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's a family guy ♪ [♪ joyful music playing] happy birthday, mom! oh, thank you, everybody. i know it's a little self-centered, but this is my favorite day of the year. here, mom, this is from me and meg. topol? the smoker's tooth polish? take the hint. happy birthday, sweetheart. lionel ritchie's can't slow down? great album, lois. great album. i didn't know who i was until i heard this album.

[♪ sad music playing, lionel richie "hello"] ♪ i sometimes see you... ♪ oh, god, lionel. you have been hurt. you have been hurt by somebody, that much is clear. who hurt you? [whispering] who hurt you? who hurt you? who hurt you? who hurt you? oh, thank you all so much. what thoughtful gifts. uh, lois, there's one more. oh, brian, you don't have to give me anything. oh. well, give it back then. [laughs] no, no, we have fun. [gasps] oh, my god! two tickets for a cruise? brian, this is wonderful. -what the hell? -brian! -you fink! -hey, hey, hey, hey. what is this? we agreed on a $20 limit. we set a cap, you jerk. are you trying to make us look bad, you son of a bitch? peter, what are you angry about? you get to go on a cruise with me. -what? -what? well, yeah, you didn't think brian meant for me to go with him, did you? great. this was a bigger waste of time than ringo's song-writing.