- okay. - large. if it's a medium, i send it back. if it's an extra-large, i send it back. - how--how do you return coffee? - go. any questions? -are you kidding me? - hi, pam. is jim there? - listen, our credit card has been canceled, and we have to deal with that, and i really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here! - okay, that sounds good. um, i'll let you go. just tell jim... that i said hi. - oh, i will. i will, kevin. i will make that my top priority. - cool. okay. [click, dial tone] bye. they have no idea what happened. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, and america's only source for news... this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> michael: welcome, welcome to "the daily show," i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. "time" magazine reveals the person of the year, we reveal america's hottest christmas movie, and drones turn out to be annoying, who saw that coming? let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ let's kick things off with "time" magazine. every december they reveal their person of the year, so that people can remember that "time" magazine still exists. print media is dying, you know? not like cable, we're doing great. [cheers and applause] so this morning, the editor of "time" magazine came on tv to reveal who this year's person was, even though the moment you see the editor's face you know right away it's donald trump.

>> and here to make the announcement, "time's" editor in chief, sam jacobs. [laughter] >> michael: i'm super excited to be here. please don't be mad when it's the person we had to pick. >> who is it going to be? >> the person of the year who for better or for worse had the most influence on the news in 2024 is donald trump. >> okay. >> there it is. donald trump, 2024, person of the year. [laughter] >> michael: that's the most unenthusiastic reveal i've ever seen. that's how i act when my sister gives me a scented lotion for christmas. "okay, there it is, pomegranate dream, thank you." now obviously donald trump is the person of the year. at this point, he's basically america's main character. so him winning is not surprising. what was surprising were the finalists. >> these were the five finalists.

here in no particular order. vice president kamala harris, the princess of wales, elon musk, israeli prime minister benjamin netanyahu, and president-elect donald trump. >> michael: okay, look, no disrespect, but kate middleton was a finalist over joe biden? joe biden is the president of the united states! i mean, sure, kate middleton is the leader of hamas, but still, it should be the sitting president as the finalist. but i guess once again, "time" has not been kind to joe biden. [laughter and applause] but also, why did they put kamala harris on the list? i know they're trying to pay her some respect, but all they did was just make her lose to donald trump again. "kamala we just entered you in a golf tournament at mar-a-lago, oh, guess you lost again. longest tie contest, lost again!" anyway, donald trump was happy to win, and he accepted his award with a speech at the new york stock exchange.

although because he's the people's president, he made sure to highlight the very real stories of real americans who are really suffering for real. >> i tell the story about a woman who, an old woman, old woman, no money, went to a grocery store, had three apples. she put them down on the counter and she looked and she saw the price and she said will you excuse me? and she walked one of the apples back to the refrigerator and came back to pay for the two apples and she left with two apples. and the woman at the counter said that was so sad. >> michael: yeah, yeah. you know, never in america should an old woman be forced to return an apple to the refrigerator at the grocery store where they always keep the apples. now that poor old woman can't afford her three-apple lunch. she could only buy two apples,

and, if she's like anything like the old women i see at the grocery store, also her carton of cigarettes and scratch-off tickets. by the way, that old woman's name? granny smith. really makes you think. [laughter and applause] seriously, that was the worst story i've ever heard. that's like when my daughter is refusing to go to bed and she asks me to make up a story. "oh, yeah, once there was an old woman. she tried to buy 3 apples, but then she ended up only buying 2. okay, goodnight sweetie, daddy has to go watch shogun. good night." let's move on to another story that's been gathering steam for a few days, and the big question on everybody's mind. >> what is going on in new jersey? >> michael: beats me, i don't know. beats me, buddy. but, what's actually going on is pretty bizarre. >> people in new jersey are concerned and demanding information after a wave of mysterious drone sightings. >> since last month, dozens of drones mysteriously hovering in the skies at night. >> a new jersey legislator

posting on x that the drones appear much larger than typical hobby drones, in some cases up to 6 feet. they often fly with their lights off, making them harder to detect. >> michael: that's right, ufo's over new jersey. or as they call them in new jersey, unidentified [bleep] objects! now, mysterious drones in the sky are scary, and they raise a lot of questions. like, could they shoot me? and, after the year this has been, could they please shoot me? and now the people of new jersey are pointing their phones at the sky. >> that is not an airplane. >> it looks like a spaceship. >> not a plane. that is a drone in the airspace. definitely not planes. >> and there were too many of them. there's no way planes could fly that close together. >> you can hear that one. that is definitely a plane. [laughter] >> michael: don't worry guys, new jersey's on the case.

"and this drone, and this drone looks a lot like my finger!" now there might be a simple explanation for all this, but this is america, and we pride ourselves on doing our own research. so cue "the x-files!" >> what's going on in america? why doesn't our government tell us what's going on in these skies? >> the other night there was right here over picatinny, there was a drone just hanging out. i put my drone up in the air and went towards it. i had full battery life. not three minutes into the flight, i lost control of the drone. >> one family claims they followed a drone in their car and while it hovered above them, the clock in their car changed times, then they say the clock went back to normal after they drove off. >> michael: americans aren't allowed to look up anymore. man, this all sounds like the world's most boring steven spielberg movie. "no, i wasn't abducted, but my clock was slightly off for one minute." people are so dramatic. but i'm sure the new jersey cops

can clear all this up. >> new jersey state police and the state's office of homeland security say that the state has no information about who is behind the drones and why they're flying them. >> authorities in tom's river new jersey launching their own drone offensive for a closer look. >> michael: i think i know what's going on here. "we spotted a drone in the sky, so we're gonna launch a drone to find out what -- holy shit, now there's two drones! we should put another drone to holy shit now there's three up there!" but you know what, forget the local police. if we want answers, we should ask new jersey's elected officials -- they were elected for a reason. and they can provide us with a sane, informed explanation. >> new jersey representative jeff van drew on cable news claiming he's been privy to top secret information about the drones. >> from very high sources, very qualified sources, very responsible sources, i'm gonna tell you the real deal. iran launched a mothership, probably about a month ago, that

contains these drones. that mothership is off -- i'm gonna tell you the deal -- it's off the east coast of the united states of america. >> michael: look, i know some of you are like can you stop making fun of new jersey? no! you elected this guy. holy shit, there's an iranian mothership launching drones off the east coast? probably to gather intelligence on new jersey's rich tapestry of shopping malls! this is though. this is a national emergency! and a congressman said it, so it's definitely true! >> the pentagon wednesday striking down claims that iran is behind those drones. >> there is no iranian ship off the coast of the united states, and there's no so-called mothership launching drones towards the united states. >> michael: no mothership? so what you're telling me is that iran doesn't have "independence day" technology? can i still blame iran for all my other problems? because that was gonna be my defense on all those reckless driving tickets.

but this is progress actually, because clearly, the federal government knows what these things are. and all we gotta do is ask them. >> tony gonzales the congressman had this question for the assistant fbi director. watch. >> you're telling me we don't know what the hell these drones are in new jersey are, is that correct? >> that's right. >> michael: wait a minute, the federal government, despite the bazillion dollars it spends every year on surveillance, doesn't know what's going on here? i texted the word "vacation" once to my wife three weeks ago and google's still serving me ads for airbnbs. but there's an invasion of sky robots right now, above our heads and the fbi's like, "i dunno!" you know, this tell me two things: one, we need to devote way more resources to our oppressive surveillance state. and two, there are some really good deals on airbnbs in slovenia! so pack your bags.

to find out the truth about these drones, let's go live to new jersey with troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, troy, please tell me you learned something out in new jersey! >> sure, i came to new jersey and learned something. that's hilarious, michael. back to you. >> michael: wait, no, no, troy. we sent you out there to find out about the drones. tell us about the drones! >> yes, well i asked some questions, and i realized i shouldn't have been asking questions. so let's just mind our own business and move on. merry christmas, kosta. >> michael: no, no i don't accept that. people are freaking out about the drones, and if you know something about it, tell us! right, everybody? tell us! tell us! tell us! >> okay, fine, fine! shut up!

it's santa, okay? they're santa claus's drones! >> michael: santa? >> oh, great, now he's pulling them all away and christmas is canceled. you're not gonna get your precious "wicked" dolls. i hope you're happy. i hope you're happy now, you nosy bitch! >> michael: that's impossible. santa claus has a magic sleigh, he comes down the chimney. >> santa's getting old! you try shimmying down a chimney with hypertension and a hernia! all right? so now he uses drones to get gifts across the world and to spy in people's bedrooms to watch them cheat on their spouses. >> michael: so he can put them on his naughty list? >> sure. yeah, yeah, it's not a power and control thing. >> michael: i had no idea. i'm so embarrassed. we were all thinking it was the iranians gathering information. >> no. no, no, although santa is selling some of that information to the iranians, yes. >> michale: why would santa do that? >> santa has bills to pay, michael. did you think he can cover his

rent with the two chips ahoy cookies you put out for him? that's super generous! like most of us, santa sells a few state secrets to iran. they get along because they're both muslim. >> michael: whoa, santa's not muslim. >> he has a long beard and he works on christmas, kosta! or at least he did but now that the secret's out, it's all canceled. >> michael: oh man, i'm sorry troy. i feel like i ruined christmas. >> no, you don't say that. remember michael, this is new jersey. okay? no one who lives here deserves joy. and that is the true meaning of christmas. >> michael: you know what? you're right. a troy iwata, everybody. when we come back, we check out this year's hottest holiday movie. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

and now we meet, the new reese's big cup with chocolate lava. ♪♪ which obviously comes from the reese's volcano, that flows with ooey, gooey, melty chocolate lava. ♪♪ i'm no geologist but that looks pretty darn good. (♪♪) (♪♪) voltaren... for long lasting arthritis pain relief. (♪♪) [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." it's december, the time of year when tv networks drop dozens of holiday movies where people fall in love thanks to the power of christmas. but even though this year might not have left people feeling very romantic, that hasn't stopped our holiday movie from trying. ♪ ♪

>> she was a big city career gal in a big city with a career! and she sparkling with holiday spirit. >> this year socks, i can't wait to go home and hide from the world. >> to fully embrace the christmas season she had to leave the cold heartless city and head to her charming hometown! >> so what do you want to do, kiddo? >> i want to move to canada, dad. i'm not kidding. >> after all, 'tis the season to fall in love. >> [bleep] me. >> christine. >> dad? >> you're back in small townsville? >> no. i'm not doing this whole thing, not this year. bye.

>> sometimes the thing you need the most is waiting for you back home. >> hey, i was in the neighborhood -- >> nope. >> the cosmos -- >> i'll take care of that. >> it might not be the christmas she expected but magics in the air. >> the secret ingredient to all my pies is love. you know christmas time is the best time to fall in love. >> not this year. not this year. >> sometimes you need to good to point out what's been in front of you all along. >> guess who's here? it's scott from high school. he's become quite the handsome wood aware. i think he likes you. >> how many times do i have to tell you people, i'm not down for a rom-com right now! and for the last time, i'm not joining your mlm.

>> christmas is when wishes come true and this year she's wishing for true love theory >> no i'm not! >> but it's christmas! >> i don't care. >> and your home for the holidays with the magic of christmas romance takes hold. to speak or read the room, buddy, did you not see the election? >> i only exist in christmas movies! what's an election? >> christine, there's someone here to see you. >> christine, i know it's christmas eve. it just a single dad with three adorable kids. >> we are all in here, mommy. >> this is literally the first time we've met. >> i know you're a big city christmas journalist and i'm a rugged man who works at every small business in town. christine, christmas is about being with the people you love. to speak out that's what i keep telling her, that's what i tell her too. >> enough, all of you! wait, why do i even have to go home for the holidays? it's not even my real mom, it's just some canadian actress.

>> hey, are you single? >> we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas -- >> no, no, thank you, no, thank you. no, thank you. >> so get cozy with the one you love because this holiday season the "the daily show" movie network presents a very 2024 christmas! >> we wish you a very merry christmas and a happy new year! [cheers and applause] >> michael: when we come back, peter sarsgaard will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a golden globe and emmy-nominated actor whose new film's called "september 5". >> okay, i know it's not a responsibility everyone wants. does it make more sense to have a talking head from news take over from halfway across the world? our job's to tell the stories of these individuals whose lives are at stake. 100 yards away and our job is really straightforward. we put the camera in the right place and we follow the story as it unfolds in real time. news can tell us what it all meant after it's over and i'm sure they're going to try. >> michael: please welcome peter sarsgaard! [cheers and applause] peter! ♪ ♪

>> thank you, sir, thank you! >> michael: wow, great film! is this film going to make me respect sports reporters because i don't want to. >> you know, i always loved jim mckay who is in this movie, you know? i was a huge sports fan growing up. i still am, i guess. some of my favorite people. so deal with it. >> michael: but you are acting along with real doc footage because you mention jim mckay, you're showing him in this pivotal moment in september 5th 1992. >> actually, when they were talking with me about doing the movie and i saw the jim mckay footage from that day, that was really one of the things that pushed me over the edge. it's like hearing your favorite actor's going to do it like my favorite commentator's going to

do it. >> michael: what drew you to the film besides that? we had a film about munich, we had a film about that event. >> yeah, great documentary, there is visions of eight, day of september. i think its the point of view in some ways it's almost summary submarine movie, guys in front of controls. i think the birth of the live camera returning from sports which it was meant for and turning it on the hostage crisis and the rolling 24-hour coverage that's live. and i don't think it's been a great thing. this is sort of the dawn of something that we need to think about. a lot of issues that are in the film in 1972 are the same issues we need to be thinking about. >> michael: that blew me away, how relevant how much of that journalistic stuff -- i mean now i can go live right now on this. by the way, i'm live right now.

no. and the amount of respect that was given to live in 1972 because it hadn't been done before? >> yeah, you know, what is it to have live news coverage? why is that good? is having your face right up to something like to this and make it more understandable? in some ways they had this new toy, rune, who i play was known for making the best seat for the sporting event be at home in your living room. >> michael: the sports journal handled real journalism so well and it made me think if espn+ could pull this off today. if we have -- you know, we have so many channels. a could they handle a hostage crisis so eloquently? jim mckay look like he was meant for it.

>> well, it was a different time, these guys were real storytellers, that was the thing. what happened at this moment because he went on to do news. and he actually did news and sports at the same time of at some point. making sports entertaining for even people who don't follow sports like remember my aunt mary would watch the olympics, she never watched anything else sports related. but the olympics, we learned he came from nebraska, shooting in the backyard, she's weeping. >> michael: her father slipped on the steps when she was in eighth grade. >> right. but then he took that into news and that we have news that tries to be entertaining, tries to compete with other news stations -- >> michael: i don't know what you're talking about. [laughter] >> and for better or worse, we need tidy endings and you know,

beginnings, middles, and ends. >> michael: live audiences, audience warm up guys. i mean, are we better for this? >> i think what's good for you is that you acknowledge your both. it's the illusion the other stations that we won't talk about. >> michael: look, this film is excellent. "september 5"'s in select theaters starting to sever 13th and will be nationwide january 17th. peter sarsgaard. we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> michael: that's our show for tonight! now here it is, your moment of zen. >> i watch fox news in my bathroom. >> no, no, do not! >> in the bathroom! >> do not send us pictures! >> do not send us pictures! >> thank you.

♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ ah, the aiwa double tape deck. the waldorf and statler of every thrift store. [imitating waldorf] the selection here stinks. [imitating statler] yeah, and so do the customers. [laughing like waldorf and statler] [giggles] jim henson died of treatable pneumonia. hey, brian, remember sisterhood of the traveling pants? they have the magic girl-power jeans.

holy crap, what happened? i don't know. i-i think i turned into america ferrera. i don't want this. help! someone, help! looking passable, stewie. looking damn passable. aw, crap, people we know. you know the drill. we're donating, not buying. [chuckles] just doing our part to give back to the community. i'm gonna go wait in the alley. could you just ball them up and throw them out the window? putting on strangers' hats is always a good idea. -thank you for your service. -huh? my father's a veteran, too. thank you for protecting us and for posting revenge porn on marine corps message boards. oh, actually, i'm not... i'm gonna start a trend of interrupting your sentences. well, no, it's just a hat. i didn't... thank you for your service. bless you and all of our veterans. no, guys, i-i'm not really a vet... i don't have time to hear the rest of your sentence, but thank you for being a veteran because you're definitely a veteran. and i'm cris collinsworth from nbc sunday night football.