new degree whole body deodorant. for all day odor protection... degree, it won't let you down. well, peter, turns out your initial instinct was right. you never should've let any of your children contact you. you said it. from now on, i'm making sure my sperm stays right where it belongs, in the bathroom sink. [laughter] [laughs like peter] [laughs like peter] [all laughing like peter] [peter's voice] we have fun down here. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got a big show tonight. congress is super horny, republicans pretend to vet trump's cabinet, and we get mixology tips from pete hegseth. so let's get into another installment of "trump 2.0: coming for the white house." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> jordan: i truly hate that. so donald trump becomes president on monday and that means... [boos] i know, i hate mondays too. it means we're invading greenland on tuesday, so we've got to decide who is going to lead the armada. which is why today the senate held its first confirmation

hearing, for pete hegseth: trump's nominee for defense secretary and dude who makes sure everyone at the frat house has their stories straight. now since he was nominated a couple of months ago, we've found out a lot about hegseth and most of it does not inspire confidence. he's been accused of sexual assault. he was accused of nearly running a veterans' group into the ground. and he has a documented history of excessive drinking, which we learned even more about today. >> a hegseth acquaintance describes a breakfast they had with hegseth in the spring of 2023. "we met at fox news in new york for breakfast, and he suggested we go across the street to a bar. it was, like, 10:00 in the morning. then he ordered two gin-and-tonics at the same time for himself. then he had a third gin-and-tonic." >> jordan: whoa! hegseth is rolling up to breakfast like, "i'll have the steel cut oatmeal, and three gin-and-tonics please." you know what they say: "beer before liquor, never been sicker. liquor before liquor... i'll have another liquor."

this definitely raises some questions for the person you may want to put in charge of the nukes. so let's jump into today's confirmation hearing. and i'm not saying he showed up drunk, but it did start at 10:00 am, so how about we start with a quick sobriety test? something simple, pete. how about: name your kids. >> our seven wonderful kids: gunnar, jackson, peter boone, kensington, luke, jack, rex -- sorry, it's a lot of them -- and gwendolyn. >> jordan: a little tipsy, okay! big deal. no biggie. my dad was always mixing up me and my siblings' names, and he launched perfectly successful counteroffensive rapid deployment amphibious incursions into iran all the time. although pete probably should've given his kids names he could remember more easily.

maybe like don julio, jim beam, johnnie walker, jose cuervo, and don't forget little michael hard lemonade! anyway, now that that's over, it's time for the grilling. republicans, i know he's your guy, but i also know you love the military, so i'm sure you've got some hard questions for the man who wants to run it. >> why do you want to do this job? what drives you? >> tell me something about your wife that you love. >> how many push ups can you do? >> jordan: a follow up question, sir. i have this jar. could a big, strong man like yourself open it? okay, okay. but democrats made up for those softballs with a couple pitches that were really high and inside. >> i assume that in each of your weddings, you've pledged to be faithful to your wife. you've taken an oath to do that, haven't you? you've admitted that you had sex at that hotel in october 2017. and you were still married and you just had a child by another woman.

how do you explain your judgment? you have admitted that you had sex while you were married to wife two, after you just had fathered a child by wife three. but you didn't reveal any of this to president trump. why didn't you inform the commander in chief or the transition team of this very relevant event? >> jordan: oh, damn! tim kaine went full maury povich out there. wow. [applause] come on, tim. come on. you're asking why didn't hegseth tell trump about how many times he cheated on his wife? uh, maybe because if he did, trump would high five him so hard, it would break both their hands? that was a pretty wild line of questioning from tim kaine. any republican want to jump to his defense here? >> how many senators have showed up drunk to vote at night? and then how many senators do

you know have gotten a divorce before cheating on their wives? did you ask them to step down? no, but it's for show. you guys make sure you make a big show and point out the hypocrisy, because the man's made a mistake, and you want to sit there and say that he's not qualified. give me a joke. >> jordan: [laughs] give me a joke? okay, how about "a priest, a rabbi, and pete hegseth walk into a bar at 10:00 am." are you happy now, markwayne? look, i don't know if this was really the defense that hegseth wanted, though. "look, we're all pieces of shit here. let he without an ashley madison premium account cast the first stone!" i'll tell you who else probably didn't appreciate that defense: the other senators. they probably got home and their

wives were like, "i saw markwayne at the confirmation hearing today. he said that everyone in the senate cheats on their wives." "honey, you can't trust markwayne, he's confused! the man has two first names smushed together! it's insanity!" but after that, they did, in fact, get into hegseth's policy positions and there was one in particular policy that had people very worked up. >> you previously have made a series of inflammatory statements about women in combat. >> in a recent podcast, you said, quote, "i'm straight up just saying we should not have women in combat roles." >> you say we need moms, but not in the military, especially in combat units. what's wrong with a mom, by the way? once you have babies, you therefore are no longer able to be lethal? >> jordan: yeah! you saying moms can't be lethal? does the name casey anthony mean nothing to you? [audience reacts] yes.

hegseth has a long record of insisting that women have no place in combat. and i'm sorry, libs, but that's just the way pete is. maybe he's not good at leadership, or management, or money, or vows, or driving home past 10:00 am, but the one thing he does is stand his ground. tell 'em, pete, no women in combat roles! >> let's make it very clear for everyone here today. as secretary of defense, will you support women continuing to have the opportunity to serve in combat roles? >> yes, women will have access to ground combat roles. >> jordan: from washington d.c., the flash, apparently official, at 11:25 standard time, pete hegseth went woke. you know, perhaps the most damning comment about

pete hegseth came from pete hegseth himself when he was explaining what the military needs in its leadership. >> the dei policies of today are not putting meritocracy first. every single senior officer will be reviewed based on meritocracy. getting anything that doesn't contribute to meritocracy out of how decisions are made inside the pentagon. ensuring readiness and meritocracy is front and center. meritocracy. meritocracy. meritocracy. >> jordan: oh! i know what his next kid's going to be named! you heard him, though. you heard him, folks. a military cannot function unless it's staffed by a system based on pure merit, where only the most qualified people rise to the top. so says your next secretary of defense, who will run the most complicated, powerful, deadly organization the world has ever known, and whose only qualification is that trump liked watching him sit on a couch on saturday mornings.

[applause] but listening to republicans today, it seems like that's going to be enough to get him confirmed. >> i just want to say, for all the talk of experience and not coming from the same cocktail parties that permanent washington is used to, you are a breath of fresh air. >> jordan: well, that's not what the breathalyzer said, but okay. [applause] for more on pete hegseth's hearings, we go live to the capitol with desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause] desi, we know hegseth apparently has a history of being drunk and abusive and corrupt. what else has your reporting uncovered? >> i didn't do any reporting, jordan. back to you. >> jordan: what do you mean? there's got to be more shady stuff in his past. >> of course there is. he's pete hegseth!

when you start drinking at 10:00 am, you have a full day of bad decisions. i'm sure he crashed his second wife's jet ski into his third wife's beach house, but i'm not going to torture myself reporting on it! the less i know, the better. >> jordan: desi, transparency is important. we need to know the extent of his drinking problem. >> "uhh, we need to know the extent of his drinking problem!" come on, you really think learning more about pete's past is going to actually stop his confirmation? give me a joke! [applause] this is like going through your dad's browser history. he's still going to be your dad, but now there's a bunch of stuff you can't unsee. >> jordan: desi, it's not that simple. >> i'll tell you what's not so simple: your dad's browser history. because i went through it. "illiteratemilfs.com." "food network nip slips." "nudeafrica.com." >> jordan: stop!

there's no way that's my dad! >> mapquest.com. >> jordan: oh, god, that is my dad. >> "amtrak sluts." "janetrenocameltoe.gov." >> jordan: enough! stop it! >> see, not so fun knowing things you can't do anything about, huh? look, i spent trump's first term knowing every single sexist, misogynist, racist detail about his freak squad and where did that get us? four more years of the freak squad. >> jordan: so what, you're just going to ignore it and not do your job? >> it's called self-care, jordan. it was invented by gwyneth paltrow in 2008. so at this point, i don't want to know any of the disturbing details about trump's nominees. i don't want to ruin my day finding out one of them killed a puppy. >> jordan: actually, kristi noem did kill a puppy. >> why would you say that, you jag-off? >> jordan: because she's nominated for homeland security -- >> la-la-la-la-la-la! >> jordan: stop it. stop it! stop it! you can't just give up knowing things, desi! democracy dies in darkness! >> yes, but democracy also sleeps better in darkness.

it can bundle up all cozy and hide under its weighted blanket and numb itself with cbd gummies until it wakes up in 2028. doesn't that sound nice? [cheers and applause] >> jordan: look, i know it's hard, desi. i know it's scary. but it is the sacred duty of journalists to investigate our leaders, to uncover the truth, no matter how uncomfortable or upsetting it may be. >> "junkyard sluts butt stuff. junkyard sluts butt stuff red-head. >> jordan: no. >> "hoes cutting their own bangs. glenn close cruella." >> jordan: stop it, stop it! you win, ignorance is bliss. desi lydic, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we find out more on america's defense secretary. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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>> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." we've been following the confirmation hearings for secretary of defense all day, but who is the real pete hegseth? let's find out in a brand new "daily showography." ♪ ♪ >> across the globe, the enemies of uncle sam are on the march, and the biggest war of all is the culture war. taking on these kinky booted thugs demands a hero like no other, a man who will fight for america, for maga, and most of all, for his right to party. this is the "daily showography"

of pete hegseth, "over served with honor." ♪ ♪ pete hegseth grew up in the midwest, the most american part of america. he was the all-american boy, the varsity athlete who married his high school sweetheart, his best girl, who would then go on to be his second best girl, then his third best girl. a family man through and through, he went through several families. it was at princeton university that pete first enlisted in the culture war. >> i ran the conservative publication on our campus. we were, like, bomb throwing. >> fighting valiantly against the forces of diversity and gay, he championed traditional relationships between men and women even if the woman is passed out drunk. technically, being unconscious is as anti-woke as you can get. after graduation, hegseth joined the military, having given the matter careful consideration. >> i didn't know the army from the marine corps. i didn't know anything. >> back home in 2012, he decided to serve his country in another way.

>> my name is pete hegseth and i'm running to be your next united states senator. >> sadly, it was not to be, and pete dropped out of the race to spend more time with which ever wife and family he was up to. honestly, it is hard to keep track. instead, pete landed the job is the head of a small nonprofit veterans group which became even more nonprofit after he nearly drove it into bankruptcy. don't worry. the money went to a good cause. ♪ ♪ partying! he was once again a man with a mission, and the stories of his exploits became legendary... with the organization's hr department. passing out in party buses, urinating on hotel lawns, leading a bar in chants of "kill all muslims" or getting kicked out of a strip club for trying to dance on stage. eventually, his luck ran out and pete found himself dishonorably discharged from his nonprofit platoon. he was now almost completely without friends.

almost. >> come on up, pete, you are next on "fox & friends." >> while even fox news had a few employees who quietly complained about hegseth's habit of showing up drunk for work at 6:00 a.m., the network was mostly a perfect culture fit. >> i have always wanted to do this. i will not be abstaining from alcohol. maybe if i do well, i will get a pint. a little bit of champagne. >> i'm going to get another refill. >> champagne is my problem when it comes to hangovers. >> but it fixes the problem in the morning because you have a little more champagne and then your problem goes away. >> who better to fight terrorism than the only soldier who has been waterboarded with champagne? >> go! >> more importantly, fox brought hegseth back to the front lines of the culture war. >> black lives matter trying to destroy christmas, as we know it. it's actually not hyperbole. >> they are indoctrinating our kids, opening our borders, canceling individuals. >> wuhan virus, chinese virus,

maybe even the kung flu. >> apparently, there is lesbian characters. it is female empowerment. >> can the black panther be played by a white guy? >> with brainpower like that, it is no wonder that hegseth decided he didn't need his grad school diploma anymore. >> harvard university, let's see, let's do that. >> there were still some challenges along the way. like the time hegseth was banned from assignment with his national guard unit because someone noticed what looked like a white nationalist tattoo, but soon, this recipient of two bronze stars earned the respect of america's greatest bronze star. and when trump was reelected in 2024... he knew where to find a secretary of defense who was willing to get his hands dirty. >> i don't think i've washed my hands for ten years. >> pete had his plans for winning the culture war ready. >> any general that was involved, general, admiral that was involved in any of the dei woke shit has got to go. i'm straight up saying we should not have women in combat roles. >> his confirmation seems like a sure thing. but then... an ambush.

>> breaking news. the president-elect team has been caught off guard by a sexual assault allegation against pete hegseth. >> a whistle-blower report, the claims that when hegseth was president of concerned veterans for america he was "repeatedly intoxicated to the point of needing to being carried out of the events." >> the allegation of hegseth's debauchery was overwhelming. nothing would be able to persuade the senate that he was fit for -- >> i intend to support pete. he made the pledge to me that he will not touch a drop of alcohol as secretary. >> he offered up to me that he's not drinking and that is not something he's going to do when confirmed. >> oh, well, never mind, then. and so america's war on woke is now truly ready to begin. with pete hegseth at the helm, the department of defense will finally have a true leader. >> maybe if i do well, i will get a pint. >> and one can only assume, absolutely insane christmas parties. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: when we come back, boyd holbrook will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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it. got to prime it up. oh, shit. >> jordan: please welcome boyd holbrook! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome! >> thank you for having me! >> jordan: just watching that scene, a convincing drunk. >> right. >> jordan: you are both johnny cash and an inebriated johnny cash in that specific scene. how do you prepare? do you go method in the drunk scene? >> yeah, you definitely want to go method for 12 hours. it's really hard to keep that up. >> jordan: what do you do? sometimes you pretend not to be drunk and that is how you become drunk or look drunk? >> yeah, ray liotta used to say, have your head stand upside

down for a minute or two. really, it's just about playing. it's just about finding your way around the set and trying to crash into things. >> jordan: just trying to bump into things. literally, they let you do this with a car. >> that's right. >> jordan: you play johnny cash, which is a tough thing to do. an iconic character in american history. but james mangold, who directed this, also directed "walk the famously, joaquin phoenix played johnny cash. so you are walking into -- you have a lot of -- >> big shoes to fill. >> jordan: did you guys discuss how your johnny cash would be different than johnny cash? is there an mcu metaverse separate thing going on here? >> i probably wouldn't have touched this role if it wasn't for james mangold. it was in the research that james had done with bob, found that they were pen pals, they had written all these letters back and forth to each other. johnny had reached out to him at the beginning. so i saw the importance of johnny in bob's life at that

time. >> jordan: the letters are fascinating because they truly are, they show a personal side to cash, they kind of found -- they live isolated lives in their own fame but were able to reach out and talk to one another. did you see those letters? did you work off of those letters? i know they show up in this film. this seems very honest to that part of the history. >> yeah, i reread them on the way over here. they are written on the back of airplane sickness bags and really, just two guys at the, you know, epic of fame. isn't that such a comment, so famous but you can't afford stationary? and you are the top of your game at this time. >> there was no spell-check or autocorrect. >> jordan: [laughs] no. is there, in your creative life, is there somebody else who is a cash or a dylan in your creative pursuit? are you writing on the back of any kind of barf bags to anybody? >> [laughs]

i'm not writing on the back of any airplane sickness bags. i have my own heroes that i look up to. michael shannon is a great actor. he is from kentucky. he really inspired me to be an actor. christian bale threw me a bone and brought me onto a film early in my career. you know, i think it is sometimes, you don't want to meet your heroes. you know. >> jordan: this must be awkward for you. >> yes, it is. [laughs] [applause] >> jordan: well, i hope i lived up to everything that was in your head. >> it was truly an honor. >> jordan: and when you get to play me in that biopic years down the line -- that movie is truly wonderful. i loved it. thank you very much. "a complete unknown" is in theate boyd holbrook. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> perhaps some of my colleagues don't understand. >> it would be a jag off, sir, who puts his or her priorities in front of the war fighters. their promotions, their medals in front of having the facts of in front of having the facts of those who are on the front ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's a family guy! ♪ -peter, we got to talk. -ugh. i'm concerned about stewie's preschool. look what they're serving at snack time. is-is that...?

it's dog milk. they're serving dog milk to our children. aw, sweet, dilk. i don't want stewie in that school anymore. it seems like it's really gone downhill. she's not wrong to worry. there's a sign in the bathroom that says, "if it's brown, let it mellow." sometimes it crests the toilet lid. peter, i think we should send stewie to corridors. i know it's a little pricey, but it's the best preschool in the area. really? is that the one where they make 'em dress in the little shorts and hats like the guy in ac/dc? yeah, why does he wear that outfit? 'cause he rocks. -[♪ rock music playing] -[crowd cheering] when i picked this, i didn't know i'd have to wear it when i'm 60! i'm very cold! [bird chirps] you know what seems like a lie to me? a forever stamp that says "love" on it. oh, you want to go ahead of me? hey, how are you? you know what seems like a lie to me? i can help the fourth person in line. one, two, three... yes!