-peter? -what is... it like to have an erection? i'm sorry, we were looking for "the electromagnetic spectrum." betty, still your board. i was not included in the final round. i'll tell you one thing, i'm not gonna miss washington, d.c. well, we had a lot of fun this week and changed zero minds. if you want to learn more about our president, consult the "steele dossier", which is all about getting peed on. he also, with whole heart and full throat, endorsed a pedophile for the united states senate. that didn't fit into tonight's narrative, but should not be forgotten. and i am a proud hat owner. shut up, meg. from our family to yours, we're very frightened. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> ronny: hey, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. the proud boys are back in town. donald trump faces off against jesus. and we sent triumph to sniff the buttholes of the resistance. so let's get into another edition of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> ronny: it's only day two of trump's presidency and already, everyone is mad at him. guys, can you give him a minute? let him sit down! it started in the morning when trump went to the traditional post-inauguration church service, which is not exactly his preferred way to start the day. it's never fun for him to be a guest at someone else's rally.

and to make matters worse, the preacher was kind of preachy. >> mr. president, i ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. gay, lesbian, and transgender children, and the people -- the people who pick our crops and clean our office buildings, who labor in poultry farms and meatpacking plants, who wash the dishes after we eat in restaurants and work the night shifts in hospitals, they -- they may not be citizens or have the proper documentation, but the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals. >> ronny: new executive order: we are banning church! bish-op, please! we don't go to church to hear a lecture about having mercy on

the less fortunate. that's not what church is for! and trump was like, "i only came here because i heard there were free crackers. now i'm getting roasted by tig notaro?" he was probably looking up at jesus on the cross and thinking, "you and me both, brother!" to be fair, can you imagine going to church and the pastor is only addressing you? "this next sermon is about the sinners, the cheaters, the degenerate gamblers... gary!" the point is, no one has ever had a worse time in church than trump did, and yes, i've seen "spotlight." [audience reacts] and you could tell he had a bad time, because he came out of the church super bitchy. >> what did you think of the service? >> what did you think? did you like it? did you find it exciting? >> ronny: "does that excite you? did you like that?

watching your president get lectured to by bishop rachel maddow? that get your little liberal [bleep] hard, you sick [bleep]?" and is this how we do presidential press conferences now? like tmz at the departures hall at l.a.x.? "hey, mr. president, what do you think about blake lively and justin baldoni?" but after getting yelled at by this church karen, trump was also getting yelled at by everyone just because he released hundreds of violent insurrectionists back into the streets. and yeah, they beat some cops, broke some windows, but they were doing it for him! no one seems to understand that, and the media won't shut up with these unfair gotcha questions. >> you would agree that it's never acceptable to assault a police officer, right? >> sure. >> so if i can, among those you pardoned, d.j. rodriguez, he drove a stun gun into the neck of a d.c. police officer who was abducted by the mob that day. he later confessed on video to

the fbi and pleaded guilty for his crimes. why does he deserve a pardon? >> well, i don't know, was it a pardon? because we're looking at commutes and we're looking at pardons. >> it was a pardon. >> okay, well, we'll take a look at everything. >> ronny: "we'll take a look at everything?" shouldn't you look at it before you issue the pardon? "step one: release prisoners. step two: look into which prisoners we should release." [bleep] nailed it! [cheers and applause] so part one of his answer is "we'll take a look," which is trump-speak for "we will never look at this again." but if that doesn't satisfy you, he has another reason. >> okay, well, we'll take a look at everything, but i can say this, murderers today are not even charged. you have murderers that aren't charged all over. you take a look at what's going on in philadelphia, take a look at what's gone off in l.a.,

where people murder people and they don't get charged. >> ronny: see? some murderers aren't in jail. therefore, nobody should be in jail. also, think big picture here! if he lets these violent criminals go, there's a chance they'll kill the other violent criminals, so they all cancel each other out. to be fair to trump, he's been campaigning on releasing the jan 6 prisoners for years. everyone just assumed he didn't mean the violent ones, which would mean going through them one by one, but that's not really trump's style. >> new reporting from axios this morning details the private back and forth amongst president trump's team over how many january 6th rioters to pardon. >> the case-by-case review was onerous. trump staffers wondered whom to pardon and who might slip through the cracks. time was running out heading into inauguration day. as trump's team wrestled with the issue, trump just said: "f it. release 'em all." >> ronny: i have never related

to trump more. "this pdf is 400 pages? okay, [bleep] it, all crime is legal." and look, you can't expect someone to go through all these cases one-by-one. i mean, the fbi did, and the prosecutors did, and the judges did, and juries, and paralegals, and the person who types on that weird little typewriter no one knows how to use. but trump is busy! it's much easier to just click "select all, delete." so in the very first seven hours of the trump administration, we already have our first big controversy. which, of course, leads to the classic ritual of a trump presidency. he does something crazy. then republicans get asked about it, and they're like, "what? i didn't see it!" >> do you agree with president trump's decision to pardon these violent people? >> if they were truly violent, no, but do i know that they were? i don't know that. >> these january 6th pardons. >> well, i've said what i've

said before, and that is, we're not looking backwards. >> i haven't seen the details. but i think a lot of those crimes were definitely well deserved. >> what about those who assaulted police officers and then were pardoned by the president? >> i haven't seen it -- i haven't gone into the detail. >> we're talking about people that were beating officers with fire hydrants, with metal batons. is that acceptable to you? those people were pardoned -- >> no, that's not acceptable, but i didn't see it. so -- >> what do you mean, you didn't see it? >> it's on video. >> i didn't see it, i didn't see it. >> ronny: no spoilers! tommy tuberville didn't watch jan 6 yet! he'll get to it. there's so much to watch these days! he's still got 9/11 and benghazi on his dvr. i mean, you were a senator on jan 6. like, what do you mean you didn't see the insurrection? you lived it. this is like a titanic survivor saying, "i haven't seen the movie. don't tell me what happens." so to sum up day one of trump's presidency: "church is bad, beating cops is good." so i guess he's a democrat now.

[audience reacts] for more on the republican reaction, we turn to troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, troy. all these republicans are pretending they haven't seen footage of january 6th. i mean, shouldn't they be embarrassed? >> ronny, i know sad and ignorant people like yourself would think republicans are being cowardly, but they actually have medical conditions that literally make it impossible for them to see the january 6th footage. and unlike you, i am not an ableist [bleep]. >> ronny: what do you mean, ableist? ron johnson just said he didn't see the details. >> he can't see the details, ronny. ron johnson has a rare disease. you know face-blindness? he has that, but specifically for insurrections. when he sees a cop getting beaten with a flagpole, his brain interprets that as a rainbow, or a baby deer learning to walk.

it might seem cute, but it's actually incredibly painful. >> ronny: okay, i've never heard of that. but what about the rest of them? does senator tuberville also have this face-blindness? >> okay, watch your tone. and no, tommy tuberville actually has that disease from "memento." do you remember that movie? he doesn't. but he forgets about january 6th every 3 minutes. he is a survivor and it is inspiring. >> ronny: oh, so he's not just dumb? >> well, if he didn't have "memento" disease, then yeah, he would absolutely be the dumbest senator in history. but he does have it, so he isn't. i'm doing a walk for the cure next week. what are you doing to give back, ronny? >> ronny: i have a metal straw that i will remember to use someday. but troy, come on, they can't all have medical issues with seeing jan 6th footage. >> but they do. lauren boebert was hypnotized at

a child's birthday party and just never fully recovered. rick scott, he couldn't see the footage because he is actually half-horse, so he always has those blinders on. and tim burchett couldn't see it, 'cause got kicked in the head by rick scott because he walked behind him too quickly and it spooked him. and oh, oh, john thune's eyes don't work because he once saw a pretty lady walk by and they went "boi-oi-oi-oi-oing" and they never went back in his head. do you think that's funny, ronny? >> ronny: i guess i need to be more sensitive to republicans going forward. >> yeah, you should be. because there's a lot of things coming down the pipeline the next four years that they're not going to be able to see. or hear. or remember. or legislate against. or understand. or consider. or acknowledge. >> ronny: okay, okay! i guess i should also be respectful of people who can't watch jan 6 footage the way you

and i have. >> oh, i haven't seen the january 6 footage. >> ronny: do you also have one of those diseases? >> no, no, it just sounded so depressing. i don't need that in my life. >> ronny: troy iwata, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we check in on trump's opposition, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] you can't see it? [cheers and applause] at harbor freight, we do business differently from the other guys.

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>> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." donald trump's inauguration wasn't the only event in d.c. this week. there was also the people's march to oppose him. we sent our most dogged reporter to check it out. >> here in washington, d.c., at the people's march, we are here with everyone in america who thinks joe scarborough and mika brzezinski still have good on-screen chemistry. this diverse crowd covers a full spectrum of literally every stage of depression. good morning. look at you guys. you guys are mobilized! >> yes! >> you are energized! >> yes. >> you are three months too late! i kid, i kid. if you could say your name and all of your genders for the camera. >> well, i lost count. i am sorry. [laughter] >> let's face it, no one here is going to smash any windows at the capitol. that would require upper body strength. [laughter] you know, eight years ago, in fairness, there were millions of

people here. do you think the numbers of women participating in this march have dropped off because they don't see themselves represented by the democrats, or because you kept talking to them about "deadpool?" seriously. looking around here, i have never seen so many people worried about losing the right to contraceptives for purely hypothetical reasons. tell me, what stage of depression are you currently in? anger, bargaining, or all the way to wearing that hat in public? so many good factions represented here. this person is with people for the legalization of medicinal bath salts. correct? >> trump/drumf, for those of you who don't know, that was the trump original name in germany. >> nice to know the bath salts have kicked in. >> now obviously, some people are saying that you are all ineffective. you are too weak and

underequipped for a crisis. i am talking to y your deodorans right now. >> sure, sure. >> if we want to win next time, we have to build a bigger tent. sometimes it is just with language. okay? if we want to get republicans, what about if we rebrand climate change as "climate transitioning?" [laughter] >> then republicans will want to stop it. there you go. i can feel a bunch of heroes hedging already. so you are a young person. i feel like young people need to understand what is going on better. what is your message to young people who only get their news from social media? >> it is important to organize. join an organization. >> already too complicated. sorry. >> people want you to take you seriously wearing pussy hats from 2016. we've got to armor up. show them we do not want to be screwed with! >> what do you got? >> time for that. put that on. >> okay. >> this is what democracy looks like!

>> are they organic? >> of course they are organic. they are farm raised. >> farm raised, organic pubes. >> we are on a no kill pubes farm. >> are the genetically modified organisms -- >> just put the [bleep] had on! this is for the more. this is a landing strip pubes pad. seriously, this marching stuff is so analog. this isn't what the republicans do. where is your pepe the frog. we need our own pepe. so i call this "keith olber-monkey. this is another potential mascot, the npr tote bag. people don't believe the facts anymore. they believe conspiracy theories. so we need to make up our conspiracy theories, okay? for example, jimmy carter was doing just fine until trump got elected again! coincidence? who killed carter?

you know how trump hides his medical records? he also hides his dna tests. that's right! he recently took a dna test that revealed that he is 40% sour cream. release the dna test! >> release the dna test! >> trump is ruining people's lives! >> trump is ruining people's lives! >> he goes well with onions and chives! >> he goes well with onions and chives! >> what do we want? >> equality! >> g.o.p., stop the lies! >> g.o.p., stop the lies! >> how did jimmy carter die? >> how did jimmy carter die? >> young man, are you a member of gen z? >> yes, sir. >> did you mean to come to this march or where you're staring on your phone on your way to work and when you looked up, you are here? >> i came here on purpose. >> i kid, i kid. i know you don't actually work. are you guys ready to storm a building? let's be honest. you guys aren't ready to storm

the capitol. >> no. because believe me. we are going to start small, okay? trust me. we need to do something that is going to get attention. we are going to start small. are you with me? >> yes! >> everybody, storm with me! let's go! we are going to storm! >> let's go! >> let's storm! >> we are storming! >> [chanting "take it back"] whose house? our house! whose house? our house! whose house? our house! whose house! our house? ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] [rock music] >> oh, yes! [rock music]

oh, yeah! we are taking back our muffins! [cheers and applause] [rock music] >> america! [chanting "triumph"] >> yeah! today it is the coffee house! tomorrow, it is the cheesecake factory! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> ronny: thank you, triumph. when we come back, talib kweli will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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your cousin. from boston. break out the sam adams cold snap. a bright wheat ale with orange and lemon zest. ooof! rough night? it's sam season! at harbor freight, we design and test our own tools and sell them directly to you. no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love. whatever you do, do it for less at harbor freight. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a legendary hip hop artist whose latest album is a collaboration with j. rawls called "the confidence of knowing." please welcome the one and only, brooklyn's own, talib kweli! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> new york city! brooklyn, brooklyn!

what's up, ronny, how are you feeling? >> ronny: man of the people. >> i love the people. this is my city. [cheers and applause] >> thank you for coming to my show at city winery. i appreciate that. >> ronny: of course. i am a huge fan. i have been a huge fan. [applause] i am playing it cool right now but i am a huge fan of yours and i have been following your music -- >> i'm a fan of yours as well. >> ronny: no, no, that's very kind. i feel so embarrassed that you even said that in front of people. but one thing i love, i listen to your albums and i think you have been in this game for, like, 30 years now. correct me if i am wrong, i feel like most of it, you have been almost pushing the indie style? >> yeah, i think it's important to note that i am an artist who does not have a platinum record but i am still on "the daily show" 30 years later. [cheers and applause] and i feel like -- thank you. i hope that can inspire people

who feel overwhelmed by not getting the props they deserved as artists. >> ronny: i think what really made me a fan of yours that you kind of -- i think you and mos def were the first guys to show me hip-hop as an art form and not just a consumable thing to dance at at a nightclub. >> yeah, i think when it comes to hip-hop, too many people think of hip-hop as what the corporations are pushing on them and the hip-hop community is way bigger than what you hear on the radio, what you see on videos. the hip-hop community is very vast. matter of fact, i will defend the hip-hop community more than any genre. i feel like hip-hop has more social justice workers, more activists, than any genre hands down. so even though we are pushed this sort of corporate, greedy, capitalistic, sexist, violent image of hip-hop, when you look at the hip-hop community as a whole, this is where the artists are becoming activists. >> ronny: i hate to ask you -- as a black man, but as a black

man, can you explain what this appeal for trump is coming from, or where it is going, do you think? >> well, speaking on behalf of the entire black community -- [laughter] >> ronny: i will speak for the asians. >> i am king of the blacks obviously. [laughs] i think that the way that people feel, this despair they feel, they feel the system is against them and they can't trust our leaders and they can't trust the politicians, welcome to how it feels to be black the whole time. [applause] we have been feeling like that the whole time. so this is not -- >> ronny: well, this kind of sucks. >> it does suck. this is why people, you know, what do they say? they say, they want the rhythm but not the blues. you know what i'm saying? i will say this. right now, i see a push. i see this push for people to be like, "eat the rich" be anti-oligarch and this push to exclaim class division and class warfare, the billionaire class, they don't care about race.

race is a social construct, of course. it's not even real. but this idea that you have to focus on class above everything. and i want to make sure that we do not erase and marginalize people of color who started this fight for us and who often get you can't separate race and class. they change philosophies anyway. >> ronny: sure, sure. you know, thank you. i just want to say, thank you for coming on the show. thank you for your art. >> thank you, ronny. >> ronny: thank you for your music. [cheers and applause] your music got me through some bad days and also was the my better days. >> i love it. >> ronny: thank you so much for making it. and please keep making music. "the confidence of knowing" is available now. talib kweli, everybody! [cheers and applause] we are going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

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[rattle of barista pouring coffee beans] frank's redhot. i put that on everything. [grinding noises] [bubbling water] [people softly talking] [whoosh of steam] [trickle of espresso pouring out] [whoosh of espresso settling] [pouring espresso into cup] [sliding coffee on counter] [person sipping their coffee] [cheers and applause] >> ronny: that's our show for tonight. please consider supporting the california fire foundation.

they are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i ask you a "yes" or "no" question. do you agree with president trump's decision to pardon these violent people and releasing them from jail? >> if they were truly violent, no. but do i know that they were? i don't know that. >> what do you mean you don't know that? we are showing the footage on the air right now. congressman, you were there that day. day. ♪ it seems today ♪ ♪ that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪

♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ good evening. i'm tom tucker. please don't adjust your sets. i've been sneezing all over the camera. that's right. the flu epidemic has officially hit quahog. so, for the rest of tonight's broadcast, my mommy will be spoon-feeding me chicken soup. -mommy. -tommy. hey, guys, i brought a sneeze home from school. you want to see it? ah... ah... [distorted] no...! ...choo! -["ode to my family" by the cranberries playing] -♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪ ♪ do, do, do, do ♪

[mellow music playing] [music stops] [groaning] [sneezes] damn it, who's secretly an x-man? you know, i'm actually starting to not feel well. oh, boy. guess we better line it up for butt temps. i'll go first and third. peter, you look okay. would you mind going out and grabbing some medicine? okay, but if i get a dui, it's your fault. you're drunk? it's after dinner! [serene music playing] [shuts off engine] where is everybody? hmm. ♪ glass of cold lemonade ♪ ["where have all the cowboys gone?" by paula cole playing] ♪ i will do the laundry ♪ ♪ if you pay all the bills ♪