um, uh, yeah, no. i'll let you go. okay. bye. bye. hey, oscar? what's up, pam? um, i just wanted to let you know that dwight's gonna be okay. the doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow. okay. i just, uh, thought you'd wanna know that. (nurse) okay, mr. schrute. inhale with me on three. one, two... sir, stop that. stop... stop that. >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, and america's only source for news... this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> ronny: hey! welcome to "the daily show," i'm ronny chieng. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump tells dei to gtfo, the constitution lives to see another day, and there's finally a good reason not to get a face tattoo. so let's get into another edition of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm going to come. >> ronny: it's almost the end of trump's first week in office. and he's done a lot. he shut down windmills, he saved tiktok, and he caught carmen sandiego. and the man just can't stop, won't stop! on monday, he wiped out all federal dei programs. and yesterday, he ordered that

anyone, if you see anyone trying to be inclusive, you better tell teacher. >> the trump administration asking federal workers to snitch on their coworkers in a rollback of diversity, equity, and inclusion programs. >> employees have been told to report any colleagues who work in diversity, equity, and inclusion roles or they could face consequences. nbc news obtained e-mails sent to multiple agencies that say some of these programs are disguised using coded or imprecise language. >> ronny: yeah, you hear that? don't even think about doing dei in secret! all right? don't be meeting up in back alleys like, "yo, you gotta any lesbian resumes for me today? and i know you think dei was only invented in 2020 by democrats looking for a fresh, new way to lose elections. but donald trump is dedicated to rooting out dei all throughout history. >> one of the president's executive orders revokes an executive order signed by president lyndon johnson in 1965 that the trump administration says mandated affirmative action.

>> ronny: that's right, donald trump went back in time to kill baby dei! it's kind of impressive that he's got this much focus. trump is doing deep dives into these obscure old policies like he's maga john oliver. and look, i'm not gonna pretend to know more about civil rights law than donald trump. i mean, he's been sued over it many times. but if a discrimination law has been around since 1965, it might be a load-bearing civil rights thing, so maybe don't touch it? but dei is not the only thing trump is shutting down, he's also shutting down illegal immigration. in fact, it was probably the biggest thing he talked about during the campaign aside from arnold palmer's penis, which is actually a thing that happened. but today trump faced his first setback. >> breaking news out of seattle. a federal judge has temporarily blocked president trump's order attempting to end birthright citizenship. >> the judge in this case saying that they have been on the bench for over four decades.

and this is a quote from the judge inside the courtroom i can't remember another case where the question presented is as clear as this one. this is a blatantly unconstitutional order. >> ronny: whoa! what does the constitution have to do with this? the constitution is for gun stuff. okay? who died and made this woke activist a judge, huh? oh. ronald reagan. that liberal cuck! this judge has been judging for four decades and has never seen something, and i quote, "so blatantly unconstitutional." i mean, that's the judge equivalent of a kendrick diss track. all the other judges were like "oh, shit! we concur!" usually the judge says "this is constitutional or unconstitutional." okay, but this is next level unconstitutional. this is like if you took a pregnancy test and it said

"you are the least pregnant anyone's ever been in 40 years." but trump doesn't expect all of these executive orders to pass legal scrutiny. he's signing those things the way guys swipe right on every tinder profile. yo, he just needs one or two to hit, and that's the weekend, baby! the point is, trump is gonna try whatever he can to shut the border down. and last night, trump sat down for some conversation, and light manspreading, with sean hannity to explain why. >> in an oval office sit-down last night, president trump repeated false claims that other countries are sending their prisoners here. >> they've emptied their jails. i wouldn't if i were the president or prime minister or something of another country, i'd empty my jails right into america. >> ronny: you did do that! [laughter] like three days ago!

[cheers and applause] with the january 6th thing, remember? that guy handed you all those cheesecake factory menus, and you signed them all? that was the thing. but look, trump doesn't care whether migrants are technically criminals or not, he can tell just by looking at them. >> sean, who would ask for open borders with people pouring in, some of whom i won't get into it, but you can look at them and you can say, could be trouble. could be trouble. there are people coming in with tattoos all over their face. their entire face is covered with tattoos. typically, you know, he's not going to be the head of the local bank. >> ronny: breaking news, old man not fan of tattoos. and yeah, probably the guys with face tattoos aren't gonna be bankers, but maybe bankers should have face tattoos.

i mean, one teardrop for every loan application they've denied. "hey, steer clear of j.p. morgan. that guy's loco!" now, obviously, immigration is a complex issue, so i wanted to find a reporter with some real expertise. so for more on the border crackdown, please welcome back, senior latino correspondent, al madrigal. [cheers and applause] al! i feel like it's been a few years, where have you been? >> i've been in the back! nothing's come up! >> ronny: okay, well, tell us what's going on right now. >> ron, it's obviously a difficult time. and if i can, i'd like to speak out in defense of the hard working americans who have been unfairly denigrated by donald trump. >> ronny: well, obviously you're referring to undocumented

immigrants. >> oh, no, not immigrants. i'm talking about americans with face tattoos. some of our greatest citizens have tatted up domes: mike tyson, post malone, the barista at blue bottle who won't follow me back on instagram. face-tattoo'd-americans do the jobs the rest of us don't want. like working in a weed dispensary or doing guest verses on a doja cat single. and, if you get rid of people with face tattoos, who the [bleep] is going to live in albuquerque? >> ronny: i thought you were going to tell us about the new u.s. immigration policy. >> what are you talking about? america doesn't have an immigration policy. america has immigration reactions. >> ronny: what do you mean? >> we don't know what we want from immigrants. we want to keep them away from our kids, but we also want them

to raise our kids. they can't have our healthcare but we depend on their affordable lawn care. we hate drug trafficking but we love the drugs. [laughter and applause] so until we have actual policy, immigrants are going to have to lay low for 1,458 days. but who's counting? >> ronny: that's a long time. do you think immigrants have a plan besides keeping their heads down? >> i will say this, if latino immigrants are smart, they'll shift their attention to non-latino immigrants. excuse me a moment. hi, dei snitch line? i'd like to report an asian from australia hosting

"the daily show." [laughter and applause] yes. he's very easy to recognize. super shifty, just had a netflix special, and he's got like five different accents rolled into one. >> ronny: wait, are you talking about me? dude, i brought you on the show. >> oh, yeah. he also brought a latino to do work for him. super handsome, hasn't been here in years. >> ronny: okay, look, it was a mistake to bring you back, get out of here! al madrigal everyone. when we come back, charlamagne tha god will be joining us. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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no middleman. just quality tools you can trust at prices you'll love. whatever you do, do it for less at harbor freight. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." hey, we all know i've got great opinions, but turns out i'm not the only one. studies show that other people also have opinions, so here with another installment of "in my opinion," is our good friend, charlamagne tha god. >> yes, well, the first week of trump 2.0 is almost up and one thing is clear: some of y'all

are not going to make it through four years, okay? because you could barely handle these last four days. that's right. people are losing their whole damn minds. and it's causing them to lash out at the wrong targets. >> snoop dogg, nelly, are facing backlash right now after performing at donald trump's inauguration party today. fans took to x to express their anger, with one user saying that they no longer respected the artists for participating. >> snoop performing during trump's inaugural weekend? not this snoop dog! >> yeah, everyone's talking about snoop and nelly? i knew trump would take america backwards, but i didn't think it would be to 2003! people, please, stop wasting your energy attacking old school rappers. the only thing they did wrong is inspire mark zuckerberg's new look. yeah. he looks like flava flav, if the flavor was mayonnaise. look man, the reason people are

mad is because back in 2017, snoop denounced artists who played trump's first inauguration. but in his defense, you think snoop remembers 2017? snoop has burned more trees than the l.a. wildfires! and don't get me wrong, you should be angry at people suddenly making nice with donald trump. but instead of snoop and nelly, what about the democratic politicians who spent four yearf hitler, and then started doing stuff like this? >> president biden welcoming his successor to the white house observed all the traditional niceties. >> joe biden greeting trump at the white house with two words: welcome home. >> there were smiles. there were handshakes. i mean, there was a real respect between the two. >> this moment between former president barack obama and president-elect donald trump has gone viral. >> they chuckled like old buddies. trump even made obama laugh. >> i'm sorry, if you tell us someone is hitler, you at least

have to act like he's hitler. i know when barack got home, michelle was like "hee hee hell! so hitler got jokes, huh?" in fact, here's the energy i wanted to see more of on monday. >> all these journalists are like, "congresswoman, are you going to the inauguration, congresswoman, are you going to inauguration, are you going to the inauguration?" let me make myself clear. i don't celebrate rapists, so no, i'm not going to the inauguration tomorrow. >> see? hell yeah! that's right. that right there? that right there? that's backbone. that's principles. man, i'm gonna miss aoc when she's deported to nicaragua. so what am i saying here? democrats shouldn't have shown up to the inauguration? yes, bitch. that's exactly what i'm saying. and maybe you're thinking, what's wrong with being civil to your opposition? that's just political norms. politics haven't been normal

since trump came down that ugly-ass escalator. and eight years later, it seems like republicans are the only ones who realize that. think about this for a second. trump lied for years about the 2020 election being stolen, and he gained supporters by living his life as if that lie was true. meanwhile, the democrats told the truth about trump being a threat to democracy, but now that the election's over, they're living like it isn't true. in fact, they're saying they can get along with him. >> we could work together. >> i will work with anybody who wants to be a good partner i'm not the leader of the resistance. >> i will never back away from partnering with the trump administration where our priorities align. >> i don't want to pretend we're always going to agree, but i will always seek collaboration first. >> collaboration, really? like, you called him hitler, but now you're saying that "hitler has some good ideas?" that's the same thing kanye said, and we don't even let him make sneakers anymore!

what are you even gonna collaborate on? are you gonna make sure the immigrant concentration camps run on solar power? listen, man, donald trump won this election by a little over two million votes and democrats are acting like he's unstoppable. do you remember how republicans acted when biden won by seven million votes? >> republican senators are vowing to use the filibuster to derail president biden's legislative agenda. >> 100% of my focus is on stopping this new administration. >> i want to make joe biden a one half term president. >> on january 21st, i will be filing articles of impeachment on joe biden. >> you see that? that's what you call being space-laser focused. okay? okay? they tried to impeach biden on day one, for the crime of getting elected. i like that energy.

i like it. they weren't worried about alienating democrats, they said [bleep] democrats. they riled up their base. and it worked. today, democrats are patting themselves on the back for allowing a peaceful transfer of power. and i have no problem with conceding the election, but don't concede the constitution. [cheers and applause] so democrats, i'm begging you, for once treat republicans the way they treat you. and treat trump as if you believed everything you said about him is true! the four days we've just seen shows us where all this is going. when there's a train speeding toward a cliff, people don't want you going, "i'm gonna work with the conductor to fix the wi-fi." they want you to stop the damn train! so yeah, i'm not wasting my time being mad at snoop dogg. i'm mad at the democrats for acting like they're the ones too high to remember anything they said in the campaign. democrats better get focused.

midterms are 21 months away. so y'all need to take that frolicking with fascists bullshit, and drop it like it's hot. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> ronny: charlamagne tha god, everybody! when we come back, al madrigal will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] the bold louisiana flavor and crispy crunch of popeyes signature chicken is the meal your craving deserves. and now you can get 3 pieces for just 5 bucks, and make it a meal for only 3 bucks more. ♪♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a comedian and actor who stars in the nbc series, "lopez vs. lopez." please welcome former daily show correspondent, al madrigal! [cheers and applause] i love you, man! good to have back. >> great to be back them it's been a long time. >> ronny: you have been in this building in years. >> nine years, a lot of the same faces. it's great. >> ronny: that's one of the

things i love about the show is the strong alumninetwork. >> it's really incredible when you think about all the people we are with. we had a little bit of crossover so right when i was leaving you came in, roy came in, clifford had been in for a bit. but yeah, it's a strong one. >> ronny: when i came in, you have me tons of great advice, man. "lopez vs. lopez," can you tell us about that show? >> it's on nbc, friday nights at 8:30. i played stoner friend and i had no idea that was a dream of mine. but it's pretty awesome because i'm a method actor. [laughter] >> ronny: yeah. yeah and you -- [cheers and applause] >> it really allows me to do the other things that you know i do. i have a business, i write a lot. so you're kind of done by noon. >> ronny: oh, you mean being on the show. >> being on multicam is the greatest gig of all time.

and working with george lopez is really cool. if you haven't watched the show, there's a lot of real life trauma he and his daughter working out so it's a very unique show in that you see things happening even in oh, this is very real and this rehearsals where you are like, oh, this is very real and this is very emotional and they are going through some stuff while they're making this thing. it really is incredible. >> ronny: okay, so him and his daughter are actually having -- >> oh, you know, he left her. they got divorced, mom got divorced. he took off and came back and that's the premise of the show. and that's real life. >> ronny: so the shows literally live therapy. >> pretty much, it really is. and with a ton of jokes and it's very funny. >> ronny: it's a multicam sitcom.

you moved to los angeles. >> correct, from san francisco. i was raised to hate los angeles if you lived in san francisco. >> ronny: if you live in l.a., that's probably some good news for you i guess. >> no, it is. i mean, some people are happy about it. that's what we're talking about. it's terrible. >> ronny: i think it's terrible. so is it okay now? >> i live in pasadena which is very adjacent to pasadena burg towns. air quality is horrible. they need help still. so many people have been displaced. we are watching the shot of malibu and into the palisades and you assume there $50 million what you million-dollar homes and then you realize there's a lot of regular people that had their money in these houses. a it's a country's largest fire, it's burned for seven days. there's a new fire that started

up. this is not stopping anytime soon. >> ronny: that's one of the things, not being from america for me, because they are so much resources here to help people and there is the will, you know? there's good people on the ground in los angeles who live there, face-to-face. but it feels like it's hard to coordinate everybody because no one trusts the government response. you have this very inefficient -- >> i will tell you this, i think 50% of my block probably votes republican. those people would run down to my house in a heartbeat. >> ronny: because you also vote republican. [laughter] speak up i also vote -- shut up! >> ronny: you've been voluntary at the pasadena jobs center. >> the pasadena community job center is amazing, they have 1,000 volunteers on the weekend the weekend. >> ronny: for the l.a. fires. >> for the l.a. fires. can't say good enough things water, food, some of the people

have been displaced. even i was on a brush cleanup crew, so there is ash everywhere. jay hernandez, magnum p.i. >> ronny: when you show up, do you go, i'm on tv, i shouldn't be doing this? >> even with mask off, there -- they're like you're on tv? >> ronny: yeah, los angeles, everyone's on tv. all right, man, al, always so good to see a man. thank you so much for coming on the show and giving me all the advice you gave me when you came on. you are super encouraging when you came on, which i really appreciate it, couldn't have done it without you. "lopez vs. lopez" airs fridays on nbc and is on nbc and is now available to stream on peacock. al madrigal! we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> ronny: hey, that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider donating to pasadena community job center.

they are an organization that has been a part of the community for 14 years providing over 12,000 jobs to skilled workers. right now, they are on the ground helping communities affected by the los angeles fires. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> lafayette, louisiana, this is deep south, almost near the gulf of america no here. of snow down south, we talked about early part of the newscast, the gulf of america i guess whenever you're going to call it now. >> thanks to all of you who wrote to me since i was talking about the gulf of mexico. a lot of you said it's gulf of america. it might take a minute, right? switch that around and they are, switch that around and they are, ♪ it seems today ♪ ♪ that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ god, can you believe that trump hung himself in prison? i know! and that chris christie lost all that weight. he still looks terrible, though. [knocking] -oh, hey, joe. -hey, peter. if you have a sec, there's something i want to talk to you about. [peter] oh, boy, this is it. he wants me to have sex with bonnie. now, remember, peter, you can't say, yes, right away. you let him talk you into it. he's watching for that. it's part of the dance. i will absolutely have sex with bonnie. [joe] sorry, peter, you're too eager. so, i came over to invite you

-to susie's christening this weekend. -oh. and i don't just want you to be a guest. i was wondering if you'd be willing to be the godfather. -godfather? -yeah, you're my best friend, and, well, i'd like you to be susie's godfather, too. -godfather ii? -wow, you're really warming to this. well, you've made two very compelling arguments. perhaps we should discuss this further in my poorly-lit den. so, about this offer-- what are you guys discussing? and when did we get a den? sorry, lois, half of being a godfather is closing the door in your wife's face while she wonders what's going on inside. but i just wanted to-- [door crackling] [peter] i forgot it was a swinging door. [bell tolling]