na take five days off anyway. oh. i went zip-lining my third day in costa rica. i...guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. i broke my neck. and...i've been in the hospital five weeks now. still haven't seen the beach. captioning by captionmax it's niwww.captionmax.coms. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> michael: come on, baby! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about tonight. trump shows he's unqualified to comfort a nation, all his nominees are unqualified for their jobs, and lewis black's qualified to start drinking. so let's get to the latest news on the trump administration in another edition of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> michael: trump's been busy these last few days. signing orders, reinstalling the diet coke button, grabbing panama by the canal. but it was only a matter of time until he had to start

president-ing for real. this morning, he held a press conference to address the tragic plane crash in washington, d.c., last night. and remember, one of the most important things a leader can do in a rapidly developing, difficult situation is to calm people down, stick to the facts, and keep your uninformed opinions to yourself. >> we do not know what led to this crash, but we have some very strong opinions and ideas, and i think we'll probably state those opinions now. >> michael: or we can just speculate wildly! why not? i'm a little nervous because when trump has a strong opinion, it's never something unifying like "sunsets are beautiful" or "love is the answer." but this is a new term and he's only a few days in. so let's give him the benefit of the doubt. what's trump's opinion about what happened in d.c.? >> the faa's diversity push. a big push to put diversity into the faa's program.

the agency's guidance on diversity hiring. the faa's diversity and inclusion hiring plan. >> michael: ah! [boos] damn you, diversity initiatives! why are you responsible for every historical tragedy! the fires in los angeles? dei. the bridge collapse in baltimore? dei. the irish potato famine? dei. slavery? dei. did you ever notice how many minorities were at slavery? it's all dei! just to be clear, mr. president, you have evidence that diversity initiatives are responsible for this tragic crash? you're not just saying this, right? right? right? >> i'm trying to figure out how you can come to the conclusion right now that diversity had something to do with this crash. >> because i have common sense. [audience reacts] >> michael: there you go, he has common sense! it's just a coincidence that his common sense happens to align with his long-held prejudices.

so let's spin the big wheel of blame to see which minorities are responsible for this crash. who will it be this time? black people? lesbians? trans armenians? >> the faa is actively recruiting workers who suffer severe intellectual disabilities, psychiatric problems, and other mental and physical conditions under a diversity and inclusion hiring initiative. they include hearing, vision, missing extremities, partial paralysis, complete paralysis, epilepsy, and dwarfism. >> michael: dwarfism? i can't believe it's only day ten and trump is already this far down his list of scapegoats. he's blown past race and gender and now he's hitting dwarves? is he really suggesting there was a plane crash because

someone with dwarfism worked in air traffic control? does trump think they couldn't see the control panel, they were just reaching up and pushing buttons, hoping it would work out? i just want to say that people with dwarfism are just like everyone else. in fact, their penises are normal size. which means, proportionally, they're huge. so, in a way, you could say, i'm the one looking up to them. [cheers and applause] that's a thinker. lot of different layers in there. and you might be thinking, well, that's progress. he used to blame everything on past administrations. but don't worry, he got them in there too. >> we had a very good policy. and then biden came in and he

changed it. and biden went by a standard that's the exact opposite. the faa, which is overseen by secretary pete buttigieg, a real winner. do you know how badly everything's run since he's run this department of transportation? obama, biden, and the democrats. they put politics at a level that nobody's ever seen. i changed the obama standards from very mediocre at best to extraordinary. >> michael: i'm sorry, you're blaming obama? the guy from three presidents ago? forget blaming a fart on your dog, this is blaming the fart on your dog that died when you were eight. i still think about you, henry. such stinky farts. look, mr. president. i know you're scared that people might hold you responsible now

that you're president, because you're the president, mr. president. and it's time to just be a man. real men don't point fingers. real men find solutions. real men show leadership. real men moisturize -- guys, you got to take care of your skin, you got to take care of your skin. [cheers and applause] the skin is the biggest organ on the body. unless you're a dwarf. then it's the second biggest. [cheers and applause] all right, let's move on. because while trump is demanding meritocracy in government, he's trying to fill his cabinet with a whole bunch of just real [bleep] geniuses. today, the senate held hearings for kash patel, who trump wants to lead the fbi, because of qualifications like this: >> my name is kash patel and i have written the first ever

children's russia-gate book. it's called "the plot against the king." it is a fantastical telling by me, the russia-gate chief investigator. >> michael: wow, that's a great reason to not teach your kids to read. at the same time, the senate held hearings for tulsi gabbard, who trump wants as director of national intelligence, even though she's friendly with dictators like bashar al-assad and looks like the head of the galactic council in a bad sci-fi movie. for more on those senate confirmation hearings, we go to jordan klepper, desi lydic, and josh johnson. [cheers and applause] let's go first to jordan. [cheers and applause] let's go first to jordan. jordan, you've been covering the kash patel hearing. how did he come across? >> how do you think, kosta? patel's a conspiracy theorist who believes the 2020 election was rigged, follows qanon, and most shockingly, thinks toddlers want to read a pop-up book about

russia-gate. just listening to him speak gave me brain damage so much that i think listening to him speak gave me brain damage. clearly, kash patel is the least qualified of all of trump's nominees. >> i'm sorry, but can i butt in here? >> michael: yes, desi. you're covering the tulsi gabbard hearings. how did she come across? >> how do you think, kosta? i haven't been that uncomfortable since klepper asked if i liked his haircut. she wants to be director of intelligence. have you seen her friends? bashar al assad, vladimir putin, justin baldoni, heartburn, upset stomach, diarrhea! it's too much! she's clearly the least qualified trump nominee. >> what are you talking about, desi? first, my hair looks fantastic! and tulsi was at least in congress! she spent time in the government. the only thing patel has spent time in is the comments section of the pizza-gate subreddit. he's the most unqualified. >> no. no way. you cannot trust tulsi with state secrets. i wouldn't even trust her with

secret brand deodorant. cvs locks it up now because of her! >> i'm sorry, can i hop in here? >> michael: yes, josh. you're covering rfk jr.'s hearing. >> yeah. and obviously, he is the least qualified candidate, because he is rfk jr. he wants to run the department of health and human services. he's not qualified for health. he's barely qualified for human. he's basically a leather bag full of coughs. for someone who might be in charge of all the drugs, he acts like someone in charge of all the side effects: nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea [cheers and applause] baldoni. >> no, no. my guy wrote a children's book about russia-gate. the only reason you write a children's book about russia-gate is you can't write an adult book about russia-gate! he used more exclamation points than a white woman's email.

>> i deleted that! and tulsi is the least qualified. she couldn't be more of a russian mole if she was dangling from rasputin's back. josh, do you really think rfk is less qualified than tulsi? >> does a bear carcass get dumped in the central park woods? >> kash patel, if you're watching, a bear is the one that goes "grr." >> oh, please! tulsi makes kash patel look like stephen hawking. >> yeah, current day stephen hawking. because kash patel is brain dead! >> at least they have brains! rfk jr.'s brain got eaten by a worm... in his head! >> michael: guys, hey. why are we fighting over this? they're all unqualified. why does it matter who the least qualified is? >> michael, because the reporter covering that specific hearing gets the right to use a somber-but-serious, pulitzer-contending voice when they say, "in the opinion of

this reporter, kash patel is the least qualified nominee in american history." >> no, no, no, no -- "tulsi gabbard is the least qualified nominee in american history." >> you're both wrong. "rfk jr. is the least qualified nominee in american... in american history." >> michael: are you putting in contacts? >> i don't have glasses, but i need to look smart. god, i never touched my eye before. >> michael: i don't think any of you are qualified for this job. jordan, desi, and josh, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, lewis black will try not to drink. we'll be right back! [cheers and applause]

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through her pregnancy, and why i'm not allowed within 50 feet of a horse. booze is the most committed relationship i'll ever have. but some people know nothing about commitment. >> dry january, the challenge of giving up drinking for the first month of the year, is growing in popularity. >> happy dry january. it's the month where folks ditch the booze and go alcohol-free. >> one report found that 25% of american adults completed dry january last year. >> a lot of people are going to be doing dry january. >> i have done dry january every year now for three years. >> well, goodie-goodie for you! it must be nice to have the luxury of giving up booze, while the rest of us are trapped in [bleep] reality. wildfires, bird flu, crippling gambling debts. if you're not blacking out every single night, you're not paying attention! and by the way, why are we

giving up alcohol in january? it's colder than jack frost's dick, all your fat friends are posting gym selfies, and it gets dark faster than justin trudeau's face on halloween. [audience reacts] oh, please. me? i'd much rather give up booze in may. the weather is warm, and i'm already coked up for cinco de mayo! but for those of you not sure about dry january, don't worry, there's something even dumber: >> for some people, that looks dry. for others, it might look damp. a damp january would mean only drinking on special occasions, adding more dry days to your month, or consuming fewer drinks in each sitting. >> damp january? are you shitting me? damp january sounds like someone i paid for a lap dance in the '80s.

just say "drinking less." not everything needs a label. "i'm in a short-term situationship." no, you got a handjob from a coat-check girl! now move on with your life! quitting booze may seem like a good idea today, but once tiktok goes away, you're going to be getting hammered at dave & busters with me and pete hegseth. fair warning: i tend to shit my pants on "dance dance revolution!" now, i get it, some of you don't like fun. but if you're out with your dipshit friends and you can't drink booze, surely there must be something you can drink? >> during dry january, people sip on mocktails, cocktails without any alcohol content. >> there are great nonalcoholic wines, beers, and spirits on the

market today. >> global sales of no and low alcohol products reaching more than $13 billion last year. >> companies are cashing in, too. stars releasing nonalcoholic products like katy perry's booze-free beverage line de soi. >> a great time. >> and tom holland's nonalcoholic beer company, bero. >> this is from proxies, their bubbly rose. >> could you add alcohol if you wanted to? >> you could. you could. >> wowee! an alcohol-free drink that you can add alcohol to? if only thomas edison were alive to see this! look, if i ever order an elderberry hibiscus fizz, be sure to garnish it with a loaded gun. these drinks sound almost as fun as getting an enema -- which, by the way, you can also add alcohol to! it's called boofing. google it!

but listen, if the eighth best spiderman can cash in on the mocktail boom, so can i. introducing: lewis black's dry january vodka. it's just regular vodka, and you can sit in the corner and watch me drink it. it even comes with a blanket to throw over me once i pass out. now that's what i call a "situationship." >> michael: wow, lewis black, everyone! [cheers and applause] when we come back, vince beiser will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an award-winning journalist and author whose latest book is called "power metal: the race for the resources that will shape the future." please welcome vince beiser! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> michael: "power metal." are you sure this isn't a book about metallica? >> no, going for the broadest audience i can get. >> michael: what is "power metal"? >> what it's about is, it's about the terrible paradox of electric vehicles and renewable energy. >> michael: that is all the time we have tonight, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. please continue. >> the paradox is this: we are moving toward those things. evs, renewable energy, which is great, because we need those things to avoid climate change, which is the biggest threat we face. but there is a catch. and the catch is metal. you have to build all of those things, to build all those millions of electric vehicles, solar panels, wind turbines, and by the way, all of the digital

gadgets we all rely on, phones and laptops. we need billions of tons of those metals so there is a worldwide rush on to get those. they are called critical metals, what we need for renewable energy and digital tech. renewable energy is much better than the fossil fuel powered energy, but it comes with its own costs. it has its own serious downsides, which is not to say that you shouldn't buy an ev, that we shouldn't be turning onto renewables. we should be. we have to understand they come with serious costs and we have to do what we can to minimize those costs. >> michael: it's an easy punch line, trump wanting to take greenland. then i read your book, then i read about greenland's vast resources of minerals and metals and i go, oh, this might not be a joke. is this what america has to do to keep up so we can all get the new iphone all the time? >> [laughs] >> michael: do you support trump taking over greenland through military force? >> i do not. i am from canada, my friend, i know we are next after

greenland. [laughter and applause] >> michael: that's true, that's true. [laughs] you wrote like a canadian. this has hope and sympathy. >> [laughs] it spells "color" with a u. >> michael: this might not be a joke about greenland. we need these metals. >> we need these metals for sure, and greenland does have an awful lot of them. there are other places in the world we can get them. the thing about greenland, though, it is chock-full of especially a bunch of metals called rare earth, which we need for wind turbines, electric car motors, we also need them for our cell phones. the color red in your cell phone is thanks to one particular metal called europium. no europium, no red in your cell phone. >> michael: what? europium? >> europium? >> michael: now that sign made sense, "europium-free cell phone

for sale." no, i've never seen such a thing. >> [laughs] anyway, but greenland -- >> michael: editors, please edit out that entire segment. [laughter] >> the problem is, there are a lot of these metals but number one, really hard to get. greenland is really far away, the weather is incredibly harsh and the people living in greenland are not that hot on the idea. they have already shot down one rare earth mine that folks tried to open up there because they didn't want all of the environmental chaos that comes with that. >> michael: last question, how can i, how can you be a better consumer? how can i do this better? this is really scary shit you are talking about. >> all of this stuff, what the second half of the book is about, the number one thing that we as individuals can do is, if possible, don't buy a car. >> michael: i know. that was a heavy sentence i read. >> i know. >> michael: as a man who had six cars and nine motorcycles.

that is not true. why? why should we not buy a car? >> because cars are by far the most material and energy intensive thing that most of us own, except for your house, if you own a house. i am not saying you're a bad person if you own a car. even if you own nine cars. i own a car myself. what i am saying is, we need to get to a place, we need to reduce the number of cars that are out there. because if we swap all 1 billion gas cars that are out there for 1 billion electric vehicles, we'll swap one set of problems for another. much better, we have to reduce the number of cars by getting people the freedom to choose whether or not to have a car. right now, most places in america, you got to have a car. you need one. but if we can promote things like bicycling, public transit, getting around by foot, so fewer people need to own cars, so that more people can choose whether they want to own a car, we will be much better off. >> michael: thank you for writing a great book. [cheers and applause] it's a great read. "power metal" is available now.

vince beiser. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] thank you! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ this is sam adams just the haze ipa. best non alcoholic beer in america. whooo. your cousin. from boston. whooo. champions, baby! we won an award! it's sam season!

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tonight, but before we go: this sunday, i'm headed to asheville, north carolina, to participate in a charity tennis event to support hurricane helene relief efforts in western north carolina. you can support this cause by going to the link below to make a donation or bid on great auction items, like even an autographed book from me, available now! [cheers and applause] now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> chairman -- >> you are a wise man -- >> mr. chairman. figure before we go to the. >> mr. chairman. >> yes, what do you want? ♪ ♪ ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪

♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ [elevator bell dings] [co-worker] hold the door. great. it's that guy i only have one thing in common with. hey, peter. how about that gay encounter we had? god, every time with this guy. i'm gonna take the stairs. oh, my god, i'm never gonna get up these stairs. [panting] okay, it's all right. i do this every week in the opening credits. all right, let's see. how does that go? ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's... a man who ♪ ♪ positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us... ♪

[grunting] i swear he says the f-word. [panting] everything hurts. everything's wet. i'm just gonna stay here. was labyrinth a good movie? i can't remember. i don't want to watch it again, though. -seems like a chore. -[slinky clattering] aw, even slinky from accounting can make it up the stairs. don't forget to turn in your time card, peter. what are you, allergic to money? ha ha. no. no, i want to get paid. just forgot. ugh, look at me. i haven't felt this out of shape since i took surfing lessons. boy, this is harder than i thought. my arms are getting really tired. nah, you're fine. just keep goin'. tai, your positivity is infectious! all right, p-town, wave comin' in. i'm just gonna give you a little push, and you just stand up. [water splashes]