i don't want you talking to him anymore. [keypad typing] [cellphone chimes] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump is reaching across the prison-yard aisle, the military gets half woke, and we'll tell you how new york's mayor stays smooth as a dolphin. but first, let's get into another installment of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> jordan: donald trump has been imposing a lot of tariffs since he took office, and if the nature and scope of these tariffs confuses you, don't worry, you're not the only one. >> thank you, sir. next, in 2018, you imposed ad valorem duties tariffs on imports of steel at a 25% rate. since that time, a large number of exclusions and exceptions to

that tariff rule have been implemented. because of the damage to the united states steel industry that those exceptions and exclusions have imposed, we're now -- this order would reimpose that 25% ad valorem tariff rate on imports of steel and it's presented for your signature now. >> okay. do you understand what that means? >> jordan: do you understand what that means? i mean, why don't you tell me, president of the united states what this means? explain an "ad valorem" to me like i was a child. this is trump's own policy, and he's so bored by it. and you can tell, because at one point, he gets so bored, he just starts peeking into a random folder on the desk. "what's in here? candy?

picture of boobs? what do we got? oh, just more folders. why is this guy still talking?" trump's not the only one making moves. yesterday, there was a big announcement from secretary of defense pete hegesth, trump's top cabinet member, if you go by blood alcohol level. now hegseth got the gig by promising to go to war against woke, and yesterday, he won another decisive battle. >> defense secretary pete hegseth has renamed the army base fort liberty back to fort bragg. the previous name was changed, you'll remember, to fort liberty in 2023, as part of an effort to cut military honors bestowed on those who rebelled against the union during the civil war. >> there it is. i direct the army to change the name of fort liberty, north carolina, to fort bragg, north carolina. that's right, bragg is back. >> jordan: yeah, suck it, libs! oh! you didn't want this military

base to honor a traitor to america, too bad! woke is dead, and confederate general braxton bragg is alive! >> but this time, bragg is not a reference to the confederate general. the name now honors an enlisted army soldier named roland l. bragg, who the pentagon says was awarded a silver star, purple heart for combat during world war ii. >> jordan: okay, whoa, wait. you renamed fort bragg after a different bragg? so after all that bitching about not giving into woke history, you're basically admitting that we shouldn't name military bases after confederate generals? well, it's a good thing woke is over because i think i can say this now: that's a pussy move, hegseth! [cheers and applause] just to be totally clear, roland bragg is not a famous figure in military history. he's just someone who worked for

this weird name-switcheroo idea. pete hegseth basically said, "find me a guy named bragg who served in the army and didn't own slaves." i mean, he didn't even have a wikipedia entry until today! today! today! do you know how obscure you have to be not even have a wikipedia page? there's a wikipedia page for cats that looks like hitler! hegseth, look, i say, either commit to honoring a confederate general or don't, but trying to find some kind of name loophole is just silly. why do i get the feeling pete's going to try to pull this with his wife? "baby, baby, i didn't cheat on you. her name was also susan! i'm restoring greatness to our marriage!" now with all this tariff imposing and fort-renaming, you might be wondering, is there anyone who's benefiting from trump's actions? yes. >> breaking news. president trump's justice

department moving to drop the federal corruption case against the new york city mayor, eric adams. [boos] >> the mayor was accused of taking $100,000 in free plane tickets and luxury hotel stays from wealthy turkish nationals and at least one turkish government official. >> jordan: oh, shit! if you're free tonight, head down to party at the turkish airlines lounge at jfk, because shit is about to be lit! you know what? i applaud donald trump for letting a blue city mayor off the hook. this sends a message. donald trump is not about being a democrat or a republican. as long as you're criminally corrupt, you're his people. [applause] [cheers and applause] now, i'm curious, what was it about adams' case that convinced trump to drop the charges? >> as soon as donald trump was elected, adams began a campaign for reprieve, flying down to florida to meet with trump, driving overnight to attend trump's inauguration.

the democratic mayor declining to criticize trump. >> jordan: oh, god, trump really loves getting his ass kissed, doesn't he? which probably explains why all his suit pants have that little trapdoor on the butt like old-timey long underwear. [laughter] now to be fair, the justice department didn't say they let adams off because he kissed trump's ass. they had an even dumber reason. >> a justice department memo said it reached this conclusion without assessing the strength of the evidence. memo also said the case needed to go, so adams could devote his full attention to trump's immigration policies. >> jordan: yes, yes, of course! trump didn't drop the charges so he could hold them over him for the rest of his term. trump did it so adams could focus on enforcing trump's immigration policies. and now that adams has the time, i'm sure he's bringing a new laser focus to the job. >> mayor adams has his plate

full, managing the day to day business of the city. >> how are you? >> today, he's taking some time for some r&r. angela performed a ten minute laser hair removal procedure. adams spoke with me exclusively during the process. >> when i'm able to come into the community and say, okay, we did this policy, we get these millions of dollars, and now let's go see the results. >> jordan: you don't have to do an interview right now! i mean, should we go? this feels like a private moment for you. i thought i wanted more transparency in my government, but now i'm thinking perhaps some secrecy is for the best. so while eric adams might waste his work day getting pampered at local businesses, we're doing the hard work to get to the bottom of this story, starting with our very own grace kuhlenschmidt. grace! [cheers and applause]

grace, what's the latest? >> jordan, the adams administration is happy to avoid federal charges, but it complicates his re-election campaign, because democrats may punish him for appearing to be under trump's control. excuse me, can i get some more cucumber water? or even just some water? i have a cucumber i can dunk. >> jordan: i'm sorry, grace, are you getting your hair done when you should be working? >> uh, jordan, when sebastien has a chair open, ya take the appointment. >> jordan: okay, i guess. it just doesn't seem very professional. >> how dare you. sebastien is a complete professional. in fact, i can't believe you'd host this show without a fresh balayage. >> jordan: i am due for a balayage. let's get more analysis now from troy iwata. troy. [cheers and applause] troy, what is going on? >> jordan, eric adams has

promised not to be affected by the pardon, but that remains to be seen. >> jordan: i'm sorry, troy, are you getting your teeth whitened? >> yeah. >> jordan: you're supposed to be working! what's going on? >> jordan, when dr. bucatini has a chair open, ya take the appointment. >> jordan: is he really that good? >> yes, she is. women can whiten teeth, too, you sexist. where is that ditzy bitch? >> jordan: forget it, let's go to michael kosta. [cheers and applause] michael, i'm glad someone's taking this seriously. what's your take on the adams situation? >> it's a disgrace, jordan. what we have seen today is naked corruption, pure and simple.

and the message it sends to the american public is that they cannot trust their leaders to have integrity. i'm sorry to say that tonight, i pray for the future of our republic. [screams] woo! yes! yes! [cheers and applause] woo! jordan. >> jordan: michael, can you please not get your anus waxed during your report? >> hey, when dr. bucatini has an opening, ya take the appointment. >> jordan: wait, is she the same bucatini who does the teeth whitening? >> uh, yes, jordan, women who whiten teeth can wax anuses at the same time, too, you sexist! and for the record, jordan, this is technically work because we're putting all of this on the "daily show" credit card. >> jordan: no, no, you cannot put your spa services on the

show's credit card. that is embezzlement, michael, that's a felony. >> it's not a felony. we're working. and when it comes to my job, i am the utmost professional. [screams] yow! ricola! woo! and hey, if it is a felony, i just make a trip to mar-a-lago, and i tell the gracious donald trump to pardon me with his enormous penis. >> hey, yeah, me too! i would like some penis mercy, mr. president. >> yay, penis mercy! >> jordan: all right, all right. grace, troy, and michael, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we decide who won the super bowl. stick around. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." i think i speak for everyone when i say politics drools and sports rules. for a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to "sports war." [rock music] >> announcer: get ready for battle! it's time for "sports war!" brought to you by gambling. gambling: it is the super bowl of addiction. [rock music] >> what's up, numbnuts! i'm ronny chieng! >> jordan: i'm jordan klepper. this is "sports war," the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. >> so if i say the super bowl

should have fewer commercials... >> jordan: then i say all the players should be dressed like flo from progressive. >> oh, come on, no one wants to see travis kelce in an apron. >> jordan: tell that to my pornhub search history, ronny. now, sunday officially marked the end of the football season. we laughed. we cried. ronny tried to kiss me after every touch down. and we crowned the philadelphia eagles our new champions. [cheers and applause] >> utter domination. there is no other way to describe what the eagles did to the chiefs. >> talk about a blowout, woof! >> even i was like, is there a mercy rule here? >> the most boring game you could expect. >> i mean, some people might have gone to bed because i tell ya, it was an old school clunker. >> jordan: that was the worst super bowl in history! the eagles dominated the entire evening. and just like ronny after eating dairy, the chiefs shit the bed. i think i speak for everyone when i say, no more super bowls. nfl, you had a good run. you ended racism, cured

breast cancer, and found a woman under 30 who wants to see bill belichik naked. >> jordan, have you been doing ayahuasca with aaron rodgers again? we can't cancel the super bowl. it's the only thing keeping gronk from going through our garbage at night. plus, this was the best super bowl of my life. it had touchdowns, tom brady's new face, seal as a seal. and jordan losing an ass-ton of money betting on the chiefs. >> jordan: what happened, mahomes? you looked like ronny out there -- completely lost with a terrible haircut. the chiefs were my ticket out of this hellhole! and now i owe a lot of money to a very, very bad man. >> which brings us to my "jordan owes me a lot of money bet of the night." [rock music] which big italian man will i send to jordan's house tonight? as always, brought to you by gambling. gambling: you have two kidneys for a reason. >> jordan: now, while philly dominated the big game, it's important to remember the chiefs weren't the only ones getting

dragged all over the field on sunday. >> for 13 minutes, kendrick lamar provided the world with a halftime show that stayed true to himself. just as we thought it might not happen, kendrick took the elephant in the room for a walk around the superdome. king kendrick went hard, leading the stadium in his accusatory taunt. >> trying to strike a chord and it's probably a minor. >> the knockout blow in his public battle with drake. >> jordan: i've had it with these mother[bleep] drakes on this mother[bleep] plane. hey, kendrick, the world's on fire, the president's in the stands, and you're using the biggest stage on the planet to go after drake again? we get it. you don't like him. save your petty beef for the group chat. like ronny's fake accent, you're overdoing it. >> all right, well, i disagree with you jordan! unlike you, i love black people, and i thought kendrick's

performance was incredible. he proved what i've been saying for decades: the halftime show should always be about petty grievances. next year, i want to see blake lively and justin baldoni jousting to the death. presented by gambling, of course. [rock music] gambling: unlike drake, you can come back from this. >> jordan: and finally, let's not forget about a huge update rocking the world of gambling. >> the former interpreter of dodgers star shohei ohtani was sentenced today to nearly five years in prison in a sports betting case that made world headlines. ippei mizuhara pled guilty last year after impersonating ohtani in a bid to steal millions to cover his gambling bets and debts. >> asian representation! [cheers and applause] we shouldn't be sending shohei's interpreter to jail. we should be giving him a medal. you think shohei has talent? it takes real skill to steal money from someone you work with.

especially when you have to guess their mother's maiden name. what is it again, jordan? pakowski? is that with a k? >> jordan: it's with a c, you dipshit! and you keep my mother's maiden name out of your mouth. see, this is my point, gambling shouldn't be about hurting the people closest to you. whatever happened to doing it the old-fashioned way? making dogs fight each other. as someone who had their identity stolen by a certain japanese coworker, this is a disgrace. >> well, i know you can't be talking about me, because i'm malayasian! >> jordan: stop making up new types of asians, it's offensive. which brings us to my "jordan's big dinger bet of the night." [rock music] which malaysian celebrity will go to jail next for ohtani's gambling? as always, brought to you by gambling. gambling: it got pete rose into heaven, why not you? well, that's all the time we have for "sports war." join us next week when we debate whether the nfl should expand to a 52-game season. >> 52?

it should be at least 104. that way, they have no time to get injured in between games. >> 52 makes the most sense. >> you need more games. [rock music] [cheers and applause] ♪ are you having any fun? ♪ ♪ what you getting out of living? ♪ ♪ who cares for what you've got ♪ ♪ if you're not having any fun? ♪ ♪ have a little fun ♪

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if you know, you know. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an academy award-nominated actor who wrote, directed, and stars in the oscar-nominated film "a real pain." >> the conductor is going to come through taking tickets. we tell him we going to the bathroom. he gets into the back of the train, he goes to the front looking for stragglers. >> where are the stragglers? >> but then the train will be in the station and we are home free. >> this is so [bleep] stupid. >> stupid is the corporatization of travel, ensuring that the rich move about the world while the poor stay cut off from society. >> we can argue marxism while they are training is off to siberia. >> siberia is in russia. >> tickets are 12 bucks. >> the principal of the thing. you shouldn't have to pay for tickets in poland. this is our country. >> no, it's not. it was our country. they kicked us out because they thought we were cheap. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: please welcome jesse eisenberg! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

beloved, jesse! >> this is what my life is like now. no, no. >> jordan: you just walk down the streets of new york and people erupted in cheers. >> they are standing already when i passed them but they will start clapping. >> jordan: that is respect. what a career in the arts gets you in america. >> almost no one sits down when i pass them on the street. >> jordan: god bless you. the movie is great. >> thank you. >> jordan: were you thinking -- [cheers and applause] were you thinking, i'm going to do a holocaust film but with humor? were you like, that trope again? >> [laughs] yeah, exactly. another hysterical holocaust film. >> jordan: here we go. >> i was thinking the exact -- i was thinking, really, if i'm going to do a movie about this theme and it is something that is on my mind all the time as a third-generation american jew from poland, i wanted to just make something that felt like

something i had not seen before, something not sanctimonious or academic. there are a lot of holocaust movies that give you the sense that they are punishing you for being in the audience and not being brave enough to be in this film. [laughter] i didn't want to do that. [laughter] >> jordan: this film really dissects grief. and how we deal with grief, how we internalize it. but it also places grief next to historical grief. >> exactly. >> jordan: is that something you were grappling with early on in the writing process? is that the nugget you wanted to unpack? >> this is the nugget i've been trying to unpack for, like, 20 years. once i learned about my family's history, i became so aware of my own good fortune. but also, my own misery, compared to their horrible fortune, and the way they appreciate the world. i just couldn't reconcile why am i miserable when my life is so fundamentally safe and fine? and why do they seem happier than me when they suffered? and i still can't figure it out. but i suppose it comes from some

lack of meaning in my life and so that is kind of what the script came out of. >> jordan: so after going through the process, you still have the lack of meaning and clarity? >> for some reason, the lack has gone deeper. >> jordan: wow. just a worthless pursuit. >> it's even worse because -- i thank you so much for clapping, but because i am like -- >> jordan: [laughs] a total waste of time. >> no, no. but being celebrated for something where i was trying to find meaning in my good life and now my life got three or 4% better because of the movie, people like it. now i don't even know what to do. >> jordan: so are you happier? >> no, that's what i'm saying. >> jordan: not at all? not even 3% happier? >> no, because the abyss got bigger. now i am more confused. >> jordan: you are a director, writer, and actor. you feel like somebody who is thinking through every moment. >> i am. but kieran, i was technically

his boss but because the nature of our characters in the movie where he is constantly condescending to me and making fun of me, he would do that in between takes. and so i did not have one feeling on the set, one day of feeling in control. it was constantly just like, he would be mean to me in a take and i would call cut, and he would say, what stupid shot will you do now? i had no experience of feeling, i guess, good. >> jordan: it feels like kieran, if not an improviser, is loose in his performance style. >> he is loose but he would not stand on a mark i gave him, so i would spend three months in poland with my amazing polish cinematographer, blocking out the shots and shot listing and you have an idea of all of this character standing here because the tree is on their left which represents the lack of roots in their life, whatever. and kieran is like, i'm not going to stand anywhere near there. i'm like, where are you going to stand? he was like, i don't know, let's shoot it, see where it happens. but he is so good, so brilliant. let's just follow him. and i can't make this great rootless metaphor anymore. >> jordan: [laughs]

>> jordan: it is a truly remarkable film, and it feels like an adult film about grief that has so many entrance points for people who are sitting with these conversations in their own head, so thank you for making that. >> thank you so much. what an honor to be here. >> jordan: "a real pain" is in theaters and streaming now on hulu. jesse eisenberg. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. thank you so much, jesse eisenberg. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [ car engine revving ]

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you never want to lose your edge. and the lexus rx completely understands that. (♪♪) [cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i have been told i have 30 seconds, so i am going to tell you that we do have to -- i don't swear in public very well. but we have to [bleep] trump! >> sorry. ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily ... guy! ♪

brian, why are you dressed like a douche who hangs out with multiracial friends in a mcdonald's commercial? [chuckles] okay. all right, that'll do. well, i'm heading out. see y'all. hey, brian, that hat makes you look like a wang. squat and white with a dark mushroom cap, -like michael jackson. -is that true? yes. let me guess, bri. you're off to try and get laid -at some sad nightclub. -shut up, stewie. i'm not just out for sex. i want a woman who i can spend the rest of my life with. i simply haven't found her yet. and you never will, because the truth is, you're a selfish horndog who's getting too old for the game. i beg to differ. i think i've got the lingo of today's lady down pat. hey. might i pinterest you in a drink-point-oh? [♪ upbeat music playing]

ladies. how about the verizon guy moving over to sprint? huh? that seems kind of wack, right? like, zero chill. i can't understand you. does anyone here speak old dude? is bernie sanders here bothering you? another bourbon, please. -shut up, dick. -what...? -why do i come here? -[customer] tell me about it. he called me a dick earlier. -i'm jess. -thanks. i'm brian. well, jess, bottoms up. if you're lucky. [chuckles] so, this place, uh... worse than syria, don't you think? yes! everything about it is awful. the people, the music... -if you can call it music. -if you can call it music. oh, my god, we were grumpy and bitter at the same time. [laughs] i like you, brian. you actually say what's on your mind. hey, life's too short, right?