tv The Daily Show Comedy Central February 13, 2025 11:00pm-11:35pm PST
quote
[music- decemberists, "sons and daughters"] decemberists (singing): when we arrive, sons-- jeb: ooh, this is nine acre worm farm. this is a beast. whoever is managing this thing is going to have a hell of a job. not it. fannie: not it. dwight schrute: it. if your kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's going to stay like that. fannie: all right, fine. >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
11:00 pm
11:01 pm
>> jordan: welcome to "the daily show," i am jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. trump gets horny 40 performing arts, russia and ukraine agree to couples therapy and things are finally looking up for the measles. congrats, guys. let's get into another installment of "the second coming of donald j. trump." ♪ ♪ >> i'm going to come. >> jordan: let's start with the big news from donald trump's cabinet. robert f. kennedy jr., trump's nominee for health secretary and guy currently fighting a vulture for his lunch, has been officially confirmed. [boos] i know. they said it couldn't be done. excuse me, they said it shouldn't be done. but now it has happened.
11:02 pm
so you can now add "employment" to the list of things he's tested positive for. but let's move onto a big development in the war in ukraine. and remember during the campaign donald trump made some big promises about how quickly and easily he was going to end that war. >> if i'm president, i will have that war settled in one day, 24 hours. i would tell putin, got to settle. i would tell zelenskyy, you got to settle. i would get a settlement in 24 hours, no longer than one day. i can get it ended president-elect. i will get it settled before even become president. >> jordan: "i'm going to do it back to the future and end this war before it even starts. go back, kiss my mom, maybe have sex with her -- what was i talking about?" so here we are, one month into that first 24 hours and donald trump is finally ready to negotiate. but it's going to be tough, which is why he started out with a quick warm-up negotiation first. an old-fashioned prisoner swap
11:03 pm
with russia. let's see how it went. >> russia freed a wrongfully detained american teacher, marc fogel returning to the u.s. after more than three years in russian captivity, imprisoned for carrying a small amount of medically prescribed marijuana. in exchange, the u.s. releasing russian cybercrime kingpin alexander vinnik. >> jordan: what! you traded a cybercrime kingpin for public school teacher marc fogel? this is like if the dallas mavericks traded luka doncic... for public school teacher marc fogel. i mean, at least the teacher we got back is the cool teacher. he smokes weed and he's been to jail? i mean, you know he's showing movies in fourth period. also, americans, stop smoking weed in russia. if you need to relax, try not being in russia! okay, now that trump got all warmed up, it's time for the main event.
11:04 pm
>> this morning, president trump pledging to meet with russian president putin in person after announcing they've agreed to start negotiations immediately to end the war in ukraine. >> president trump saying "i just had a lengthy and highly productive phone call with president vladimir putin of russia. we discussed ukraine, the middle east, energy, artificial intelligence, the power of the dollar, and various other subjects." >> jordan: i'd like to know what those various other subjects were. i mean, it's a tad suspicious. it's like a husband coming back from a vegas bachelor party saying, "yeah, we ate some great food, we saw the sphere, did various other things... anyway, you should get a prescription for valtrex." so, trump has now set the stage for face-to-face negotiations with putin on the future of ukraine. but trump will be going into this alone.
11:05 pm
11:06 pm
start, america gave up the two things russia most wants? i mean, how do hegseth and trump not know how to negotiate? between the two of them they've been divorced 97 times. i mean, if your opening move is giving away the house, the car, and the kids, best-case scenario you are leaving court with half of a golden retriever. no one is going to be happy with that, except for maybe rfk jr. but i guess there's still plenty of stuff to negotiate. for example, which animal will zelenskyy be fed to once the russians take over? probably a lion, but could be a shark. there's room there. whatever animal it is, he will probably fall out of a window. regardless, trump is not going to go driving a hard bargain on ukraine's behalf. as long as ukraine is an equal member of this peace process, they will get some of what they want. >> do you view ukraine as an equal member of this peace process? >> that's an interesting question.
11:07 pm
>> jordan: yikes! that's like when my dentist asks if i floss. that's an interesting question, i've got to go! okay. so this is not looking good for ukraine. imagine not even being invited to your own peace negotiations. it's like if your wife told you she wanted a threesome and then asked what nights you will be away on business. [laughter] have so much fun, sweetie. i'm strong enough for this! it's okay, i had it coming after vegas. you might think it's unfair to put ukraine in this position after they were the ones invaded, but that's not exactly how trump sees things. >> i think they have to make peace. their people are being killed and i think they have to make peace. i said that was not a good board
11:08 pm
to go into. >> jordan: not a good war to go into? they were invaded! it wasn't their idea! "little advice for the back of abraham lincoln's head: don't get hit by a bullet. not smart." [laughter and applause] clearly this is going to be a complex negotiation, and it couldn't have come at a worse time for trump, because he's also busy with his second job. last week he declared himself the chairman of washington's kennedy center for the arts, the government's premier arts institution. and if you're thinking "wait, trump is completely unqualified to think about art," don't wo worry. he brought along an equally unqualified board to help them out. >> he was elected by a board that he recently shook up, replacing appointees by democratic presidents with trump loyalists. as for the board, it now includes attorney general pam bondi, secondly the usha vance, jeff of staff susie wiles,
11:09 pm
deputy chief of staff dan scavino, allison lutnick, who is the commerce secretary's wife. >> jordan: first of all, what's up with this photo? [cheers and applause] [applause and laughter] "you need a head shot? unfortunately the only picture that existed him is when he walked in on his parents bumping uglies." but hey, donald trump loves arts and entertainment and you can hear his genuine passion in a phone call he had with the board. >> i think we are going to do something very special. it got very wokey and some people were not happy with it and some people refused to go. and we are not going to have that. we are going to have something that will be very, very exciting and we will do things both physically and in every other way to make the building look even better. i think we are going to make it hot. and we made the presidency hot, so this should be easy. you and i'm sorry, hot? only trump would look at a building and go
11:10 pm
"un-[bleep]-able." yeah, performing arts centers have gotten very wokey. like that theater that kicked out lauren boebert forgiving one little tug space my job. [bleep] and over the khaki jack session? not in my america! you heard trump though, no more woke theater! only plays written by straight men like... [elevator music] tennessee williams? damn it! so close. so what will trump's new role mean for the kennedy center? we at "the daily show" just got her hands on an exclusive look at what we can expect. >> the kennedy center, america's most prestigious home for the highest arts. it's about to get hot! sign up now for an all new
11:11 pm
season designed by chairman trump! screw off, twinkle toes, because all ballet will now be done by pole dancers! talk about a nutcracker! and join us for our cinema series, featuring every movie where a maid climbs out of a pool. and you bet your ass we will have culture. better culture! bike "hamilton" but with white people. "a raisin in the sun," but with white people. and "genuine" " but with white people. us we will award the mic point prize to jerry seinfeld, but not for stand up. and next fall we will have an evening with jody mitchell. come to the hot new kennedy center where even the building is hot. that's right, we gave it -- the donald trump kennedy center and casino, we thought your culture
11:12 pm
11:13 pm
[upbeat music] ♪ yeah, baby, i like it like that ♪ ♪ you gotta believe me when i tell ya ♪ ♪ i like it like that ♪ ♪ i like it like that, i like it like that ♪ ♪ clap your hands if you want some more ♪ ♪ que rico ♪ ♪ yeah, baby, i like it like that ♪ ♪ i've got the soul i've got the soul ♪ ♪ i like it like that ♪ gives you the opportunity to win groceries for life? imagine never paying for groceries again. well, what if i can't decide? avocados or tomatoes? why choose? at grocery outlet, you can afford both.
11:14 pm
and not just the basics. with grocery outlet, you'll find all your favorite brands included. including gluten free pasta and my favorite cookies? um, huh, everything's included. so burgers and steaks for life?! you gotta win first. still worth it. now that's bargain bliss. ♪ grocery outlet bargain market this is sam adams just the haze ipa. best non alcoholic beer in america. whooo. your cousin. from boston. whooo. champions, baby! we won an award! it's sam season! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show."
11:15 pm
donald trump campaigned on lowering egg prices, but he's been president for almost 14 years now and eggs just hit their highest price yet. which raises the question, how are new yorkers handling the expense? josh johnson hit the streets to find out. >> what used to be a wholesome tale about the fragility of the human condition now serves as a stark reminder of the rising cost of these. today, i'm talking with a group that consumes most of the eggs in the united states. people. to see how they are dealing with egg-flation. can we afford another take? >> egg-flation, is it affecting right now? >> my grandmother up in the bronx is complaining how eggs is too high. >> i might go on an egg strike due to the prices. >> i know right now they are like 8 and up. >> i might have to turn vegan. >> really? >> i'm just kidding.
11:16 pm
>> of course you are getting. vegans are a joke. >> how many eggs would you say an average person goes through in a week? >> i can't imagine more than a dozen in a weak form one single a person. >> 18 for me. >> 18 eggs? that must be nice to afford. >> i can't afford it. >> you are just bawling like that. okay! i feel like with the very little resistance you have to the whole inflation of these eggs, are you like an air to an egg fortune? >> well, we are from texas. >> okay, that makes sense, they hate when you waste eggs, whether they are from chickens... or humans. >> yes. >> is there anything you are backing off of so you can still afford the eggs? >> we are backing off of liquor. except don julio. >> what was the last amount you paid for like a dozen eggs? >> like $15. >> what price do you think you stop eating eggs entirely? >> if it goes to $20 i would
11:17 pm
just have to quit eggs entirely. >> so $20 eggs, that you're stopping point. that means 19, we are still -- >> we still are in the game. >> people are willing to go higher than i thought. i smell an opportunity. >> so if like some guy was selling eggs and he was selling them for like, you know even -- >> what do you mean like some guy, on the side of the road you mean? >> if i had an egg right here, right now, how much are you paying for this guy? >> this is not -- >> that these folks clearly didn't understand the value of what i was holding so i went to a professional who would appreciate the opportunity in front of them. >> i'm looking to do some business today. >> what do you got? >> i brought a lot of inventory... >> what is that? >> it's eggs, man. trying to sell you some eggs. >> i can't take eggs. do you want to buy anything?
11:18 pm
>> i do. i do. okay. so i will take nintendo switch -- i will take two switches, one macbook pro and give me a bunch of bracelets him and i will give you like 3,000. >> thanks for coming. >> look at this. regret. regret. >> that guy wouldn't know a good deal if it flashed him in a trench coat. time to take my product to the high rollers. ♪ ♪ >> hi! how you doing? >> i'm fine, how are you? >> i'm looking to get something appraised. so i'm very excited about it. [laughter] >> so usually we are working more with diamonds, gemstones, precious metals. >> i'll tell you right now, on the street, these are going? >> the eggs?
11:19 pm
>> i think an egg, this is like four carrots. >> i am going to kindly ask you to just please leave. >> i'm going to go because it feels like you pressed a button or something in somebody's coming. precious metals, precious eggs buried him. >> no buyers yet but once word gets around the streets i'm sure i'll become pretty popular and the yoke will be on them. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: thank you, josh! when we come back, brady corbet will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause]
11:22 pm
men sweat more, and sweat can irritate your skin. ♪♪ take your skin to its happy place with dove men's micro moisture technology that nourishes skin. dove men. care changes everything. ricky's truck is having trouble starting. but he went to autozone, where a friendly autozoner tests and charges his battery. all for free. ♪♪ ♪ get in the zone. autozone. ♪ if you feel held back by the weight of financial decisions.
11:23 pm
we can give you the tools to help you break free. credit karma gives you personalized guidance to improve your credit, savings, taxes, and more. so, you can find your way to money. intuit credit karma. karma you can count on. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guess tonight is a writer and director whose film, "the brutalist," is currently up for ten oscar nominations. >> come here. listen. everything that is ugly, cruel,
11:24 pm
stupid, but most importantly, ugly, everything is your fault. [laughter] >> jordan: please welcome brady corbet. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ welcome! brady, i loved it. i loved "the brutalist," i really did. what a beautiful piece of art. >> thank you so much. i'm very grateful for that. thank you. >> jordan: when i start talking to people about "the brutalist," more often than not people come up to me, did you know laszlo toth, the main character, is not a real person?
11:25 pm
there seems to be confusion. a lot of people think it's based on a real brutalist architect and i can't tell if that's a compliment for the world building that you do or just a commentary on american igno ignorance. probably a little bit of both. >> yeah. the character is an amalgamation of a lot of, you know, real historical figures like marcel breuer, mies van der rohe and many others. so it should evoke a real person, i think that's a positive thing. >> jordan: when you started creating this story, what was the thing that got you interested? >> you know, in all seriousness, during trump's first term before we had a brief intermezzo. >> jordan: you're talking about a billion years ago. of. [laughter] >> he had a mandate that was called, you know, make realist
11:26 pm
buildings beautiful again. creative. and it's interesting that 75 years on since the term "brutalism" was coined, it is still so divisive. and it's interesting because for me, i really feel that postwar psychology and postwar architecture are intrinsically linked, and, you know, this film, that's what it's mostly concerned with. >> jordan: this film, there are so many wonderful performances in it. there's a scene that really stuck with me. there's a scene when adrien brody gets off the train and he sees his cousin for the first time in his cousin lets him know that his wife is still alive and they embrace, and the whole scene is shot so close and there is so much physicality
11:27 pm
between the two of them, they are touching each other's face the whole time. it is so intimate and real and emotional. i'm curious, how do you direct something to make was the physicality and closeness intentional in your direction there? how are you working with actors there? >> it's two brilliant performers in the scene, alessandro nivola and adrien brody, and the screenplays are very precise, mostly because they have to be. the film was shot in 33 days because the film was 170 pages long, it wasn't that much time. and so, you know, we don't storyboard, mostly because i don't want to adhere to closely to a cartoon, but i want to show up to a space, respond to it, see what the light is doing, what the performers are doing and i just told them i think it would be extremely moving if the two of you are very, very physical and very intimate together because you know when you see your uncle or your
11:28 pm
father, the patriarch, when they cry, it's like -- you just feel shattered by it because you see it so infrequently. so i just thought see these two men approaching middle age sort of being that -- you know, letting their guard down, especially in the late 1940s, because they just can't help themselves because they've missed each other so much. i just thought it was quite beautiful. >> jordan: i hope you have nothing but success at the academy awards. we had francis ford coppola on the show and he's like so many people are watching this at home now and going to see it in the theater, experience an intermission with people at the theater, hearing people talk about it as they're getting popcorn, using the restroom, it's changing -- it feels different than watching at home. feels different than watching a regular hour and a half marvel film. do you think there might be some trend towards things that are little bit longer? >> i mean, listen, it wasn't
11:29 pm
that long ago -- you know, in the 1970s movies like "midnight cowboy" were commercially viable and i really hope that we get back to that. our industry changed for a lot of reasons. partially because of streaming, partially because of covid, partially because of the strikes, and i understand why companies are more risk-averse than ever. however, if you look at the crop of nominees this year, they are really radical, strange films. they are strange propositions, which i think should signal for everyone that audiences who want daring, original, provocative films. [cheers and applause] i'm glad you agree. >> jordan: you know, i respect audiences and i believe that audiences, you know, are really, really clever and they are more clever
11:30 pm
than ever because there is so much information out there about how movies are made and there is an awareness of the postproduction process and visual effects, et cetera. so they are really savvy and i think it's important that we treat them with respect. >> jordan: awesome. couldn't be better said. the brutalist. we will take a quick break, be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
11:31 pm
11:32 pm
11:33 pm
[cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your moment of zen. speak with munich security conference, which starts tomorrow. >> is their beer? >> absolutely. and bratwurst. absolutely. potato salad. >> i want to go too! >> i studied in germany as a student. that's why i'm asking. ♪ it seems today ♪ ♪ that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ ♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪
11:34 pm
♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy ♪ [food sizzling] wow, you guys. i've never been to a restaurant where they cook right in front of you. ugh. you know, later, we're going to have to take one of those forced happiness family photos that come in the restaurant's tacky frame. why are you so [bleep] negative all the time? i... uh... wha-- i don't-- uh, what? come on, you guys, relax. let's have a fun night. we haven't done anything as a family since we sat courtside at that nba game. -[sneakers squeaking on court] -[crowd gasps] you okay? you guys okay? great seats. yeah, it's a whole different game when you sit down here. [crickets chirping] huh, "samurai" or "geishas."
11:35 pm
which one am i? i'll just wait till somebody else goes in. well, that wasn't helpful. hmm, this one's holding a fan. that's usually what i need when i'm done in a bathroom. oop, no urinals. must've guessed wrong. [water dripping] wow, look at this place. there's candles, hand lotion. whoa, there's not even any swastikas carved into the toilet seat. and it's so peaceful. i haven't heard a guy's booming fart the whole time i've been in here. i feel more relaxed than a chick on facebook with her legs in front of a pool. [notifications beeping] all right, lois, i'm off to the mall. i'll be back in about 20 minutes. -oh, what are you gonna buy? -nothing. after the other night, i made a decision: from now on, i'm only using women's restrooms. what? you can't do that. you're a man.
0 Views
Uploaded by TV Archive on
