down three spots. now for our number six. [chorus] ♪ number six ♪ we'll start with a letter from melanie in kansas. she writes, "dear casey, "is christopher cross as nice as he seems? "also, aren't you dead? "and why did your large wife "hide your body from your children?" well, the answer to your first question is a resounding yes. christopher cross is a perfect gentleman. and as for the second question, you're correct, melanie. i'm extremely dead, and i do wish my children could have closure. honey, if you're listening, please, just put my body in the ground. and now back to the countdown. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. elon musk gets marked as spam, russia and america share friendship bracelets, and trump sticks a foot in his mouth, but for once, it's not his own! so let's get right into it. ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> desi: let's kick things off with the war in ukraine. donald trump promised he could secure a peace deal within one day of taking office, which means he is now negative 34 days ahead of schedule -- good work, sir! as we know, the ukraine war began in 2022, when putin invaded ukraine on three separate fronts while launching missile attacks on ukrainian cities, or as donald trump puts it... >> president trump has made a

series of false assertions, blaming ukraine for starting the war. >> you should have never started it. you could have made a deal. >> desi: that's an interesting interpretation, in that it's not what happened. in fact, it's the exact opposite of what happened. and this has set off alarm bells for a lot of conservatives, including brian kilmeade, trump's buddy and the joey tribiani of "fox & friends." he tried to gently push back when trump started to blame the destruction of ukraine on president zelenskyy. >> you have a man who's led a country that had the most beautiful cities that they demolished, had the most beautiful domes, those domes are the most beautiful in the world -- >> but it's all russia's -- but that's russia's fault, . president. russia did the -- but -- but -- >> they're all demolished. a thousand year old domes and everything's demolished. >> but mr. president, that's all -- this -- that's all vladimir putin's fault, don't you agree? >> i get tired of listening to it. he makes it very hard to make deals. but look what's happened to his country. it's been demolished.

>> but no, no, i hear you, but mr. president, but you know -- who to blame for that, don't you think it's vladimir putin that did the invasion, unwarranted, to try to take back land they had no right to? and don't you think fundamentally, thathat? and if you could just -- and now now both sides want to talk, it seems, so we should just get to that point. >> they only want to talk because of me. >> desi: this is how off the rails trump is. his beloved fox news is saying, "mr. president, you sound crazy, and i believe dei causes tornadoes!" and he's right! not about the dei causing tornadoes -- we all know trans people cause tornadoes -- but about this war! under donald trump, america has fully taken russia's side. which means... are we... the bad guys now? [peaceful music plays] well, that didn't answer that!

but i think we might be the bad guys. it's not just republicans who are alarmed. the entire continent of europe is freaking the [bleep] out. if the united states will help russia take over ukraine, who's next? poland? latvia? slovenia? slovakia? albania? estonia? yeah, i got a 97 in ap geography. [cheers and applause] thank you, thank you. i would've gotten a 100, but i misspelled my name. so yesterday, europe tried to get trump back on its side by sending over its most charismatic trump whisperer, emmanuel macron of france. and right from the start of that meeting, you could really see how he let his guard down. >> [speaking french] >> that is the most beautiful language. i have no idea what he's saying, but that is the most -- >> she will translate. >> elegant, beautiful language.

>> desi: yeah, trump just loves a french accent. probably because it's the native tongue of his hero, pepe le pew. something about that pervert skunk that trump finds so relatable. but macron's accent gives him a lot of leeway to gently correct trump every time he spews bullshit. >> i mean, this war costed all of us a lot of money, and this is the responsibility of russia, because the aggressor is russia. >> europe is loaning the money to ukraine. they get their money back. >> no, in fact, to be -- to be frank, we paid. we paid 60% of the total effort and it was through, like the u.s., loans, guarantees, grants and we -- we provided real money. [cheers and applause] >> desi: look at that smile, the guy is smitten!

usually if someone confronts him about being wrong, he takes away their security detail. but he's letting macron do whatever he wants! i think a sexy accent is his kryptonite. i assumed it was vegetables! to be fair, it's not just macron. trump was swooning over anyone with a sexy accent. >> i want to know if -- what is your idea about italy, if you want to make the same thing. >> can you talk a little louder? you have a beautiful voice, but you're not -- >> in these days, you speak -- >> where are you from? >> italy. >> from italy. oh, i loved italy. >> desi: "ooh, eataly! i love that restaurant with the grocery store attached. [laughter and applause] so good. tell me, which section are you from, fromaggio? produce? self-checkout?" by the way, trump is the only person on earth who has ever asked an italian person to talk louder. of course, as we saw last week,

not every accent does it for him. sometimes it just confuses him. >> mr. president, people in india would be welcoming your decision to extradite tahawwur rana to -- >> i can't understand a word he's saying. >> desi: dude, come on, if you don't understand what someone is saying, don't be rude and dismiss them. just laugh and go, "oh, my god, that's so crazy." like a normal person. i mean, is trump sure he wants to be president? because this is the worst job in the world if you don't understand accents. it's like working as an escort if you're still not 100% sure which hole it's supposed to go in. although, would that actually make you a great escort? hmm... [peaceful music plays] [applause] i guess we'll never know. by the way, if you're wondering how tough indian accents are for trump, he had to get a

translator for it. not for the language, for the accent. >> it is evident that how the deep state of united states was involved to regime change. so what is your point of view about the bangladesh? >> and what is the role that the deep state played in the situation in bangladesh? >> desi: i can't believe doge is going around looking for inefficiencies, meanwhile, trump has an english-to-english translator! [cheers and applause] but if you do have to have a translator for accents, why does the translator also have an accent? maybe the plan was to have a string of translators with slightly less of an accent until they finally got to something trump could process. eventually it will just be the word "bangladesh?" written across the boobs of a swimsuit model. "oh, now i get it." anyway, back to macron. now, you might think it's not wise for europe to hinge its survival on the seductive power

of macron's accent. but trump himself admitted that it works. >> i just want to tell you a little story. so we're at the eiffel tower having dinner with your wonderful wife and with my wonderful wife and we came out and he started speaking the french deal and we didn't have an interpreter and he was going on and on and on and i was just nodding, yes, yes, yes, and he really sold me out, because i got back the next day and i read the papers. i said, that's not what we said. he's a smart customer, i will tell you. [laughter] >> desi: hold on, forget the accent. what was going on with that handshake? are they doing "no, you hang up," with their hands? before we figure out russia and ukraine, we need a peace deal for the world's weirdest thumb war. so maybe this isn't going to come down to words at all. because if you've noticed how trump and macron interact, their hands alone tell a story.

[speaking french] ♪ ♪ [speaking french] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: tres bien! when we come back, we'll tell you who's being mean to elon musk, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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(♪♪) ♪ and i think to myself... ♪ ♪ what a wonderful world. ♪ when two great things combine... it's a wonderful world. nerds gummy clusters. unleash your senses. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." let's talk about doge. it's the reason an 18-year-old virgin has your social security number. but elon musk has been trying to find ways to fire as many

federal workers as possible. and this weekend, he tried out his new method: by sending an email that shouldn't have been a meeting or an email. >> it's the doge ultimatum. elon musk emailing over 2 million federal workers with this subject line: what did you do last week? it simply asked them to list five things they accomplished at work, and says not replying by midnight tonight would be taken as a resignation. >> desi: ah, the hallmark of a good boss: he gives you busy work that also makes you scared. this is such an insane idea. just for starters, let's say everyone does respond. who the [bleep] is going to read 2.4 million emails? [cheers and applause] i say this as someone who has an inbox with 2.4 million unread emails -- it is too many emails to [bleep] read! hey, pottery barn, if you tell me about one more throw pillow

sale, i will kill myself. and the blood will be on your hands. also on your throw pillows. don't [bleep] test me. [cheers and applause] and i know you gave my email to williams sonoma. anyway, as shocking as this may be, federal workers do not seem very happy about being sent threatening emails and they're making their voices hears in unusual ways. >> i want to ask you about a fake video that was somehow hacked onto the tvs at the housing and urban development offices this morning in d.c. it's pretty graphic, so we're not going to show it here on top story. it essentially shows the president -- again, this was an ai image -- kissing elon musk's feet. >> desi: he's right. he's right. an ai video of trump kissing elon musk's feet is disgusting, it's inappropriate, and it's disrespectful. it should not be on tv. let me show you why it should not be on tv.

[audience reacts] look at how inappropriate this fake video of the president slobberin' all over elon musk's foot-knobs is. so inappropriate that's why we will never be showing this to you. it's called journalistic integrity. thank you. [cheers and applause] although, it has to be said that making that video and hacking the screens took a lot of work. i hope whichever federal employee did it included that in their list of five accomplishments. [cheers and applause] i definitely feel bad for the guy in the hud office who learned about his latent foot fetish in the worst way possible. "oh, no! oh, no!" and it wasn't just the

rank-and-file who pushed back on elon's ultimatum. some of trump's own cabinet members told their departments the email wasn't official. kash patel told the fbi, don't respond to that email. tulsi gabbard said, don't respond to that email. pete hegseth responded to that email at 2:00 am saying, "u up?" that was irrelevant. but all this infighting is confusing. can someone please clarify the situation here? mr. president, do people have to answer this email or not? >> can you clarify, hopefully once and for all, what your expectations are for this email to federal employees? >> it's somewhat voluntary but it's also if you don't answer it, i guess you get fired. >> desi: oh, great, that clears up everything. it's voluntary, but if you don't answer it, you're fired. okay. at this point, the only thing more confusing than this email is that ai video that's totally inappropriate for television. i mean, they gave elon two left feet!

weird and gross. and that's why we will not be showing it to you. it's called moral courage. moral courage. [cheers and applause] now look, you would expect some pushback within the federal government. but the surprising thing is there's also some pushback from outside the federal government. >> from georgia to oregon to kansas, americans angry with president trump's sweeping layoffs and elon musk's drive to slash government spending, packing raucous town halls. >> elon musk has contracts with the federal government. >> conflict of interest! >> he's done some very good things. [boos] [crowd chanting "do your job"] >> how do you feel about a unelected, not confirmed billionaire -- [cheers and applause] as one of the checks and balances of our nation? >> great question, and i'm glad

you asked. >> [groans] >> desi: ugh! man, that last guy was so ready to get mad, he didn't wait for the answer. "i have a question: you suck! [groans] now look, personally, i'm glad to see people pushing back against doge. but even if you support doge, you have to acknowledge that seeing real people voicing their opinion to their elected representatives is a lot better than seeing trump going to town on elon's feet. it's just disgusting. it's disgusting. and you will never see that video here. you won't. instead, we're going to have some serious analysis about this countermovement to doge. so let's go to doge headquarters with michael kosta! [cheers and applause]

>> thank you, desi. >> desi: michael, people are not happy with doge. >> that's right, desi, but doge has to take a lot of the blame for the backlash. they're not handling these layoffs with enough care and finesse. let me explain through the use use a visual aid. [audience reacts] let's say this foot represents the federal government. you've got to be gentle. you can't go in whole hog. you've got to start the layoffs with a light, little peck. you see what i did there? desi, that was me laying off 50 nih researchers. and you know what? i think they liked it. >> desi: yes, i see what you're saying. it's not what you cut, it's how you cut it. >> exactly. you can't go from zero to a hundred... like this. see? that is not how you do it. it's too overwhelming, and it puts too much pressure on the workforce. >> desi: oh, tell me about it.

i've been laid off before, and it is always too sloppy. >> you don't want sloppy, desi. and you can't just focus on the top departments, either. most of the waste takes place at the lower levels of government. so you got to work both. like this. this is how the pros do it! >> desi: absolutely, and i have never seen you look more professional. kosta, where'd you learn so much about government? was that at college? >> no, i worked at payless. the point is, you have to pay attention to the whole of the federal government. then, once you've properly covered all the sensitive parts, that's when you bring in the other foot. oh, my goodness, gracious. >> desi: wait, hold, on, so if one foot represents the federal government, what does the other foot represent? >> oh, this foot's just a sex thing. >> desi: gotcha. michael kosta, everyone. when we come back,

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what you see is what you get! exactly! [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a beloved comedic actor known for her work in "reno 911," "bridesmaids," and "the goldbergs." she now stars in "st. denis medical" on nbc. please welcome wendi mclendon-covey! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> whoa! i am all horny now that i watched all that foot action. >> desi: yes, yes. >> my goodness. >> desi: who doesn't love a little foot action? >> anyone that says otherwise is a big fat liar. >> desi: liars! i am so happy you are here.

>> i'm so happy to be here. >> desi: "st. denis medical." i heard that you received the script the same day "the goldbergs" ended. is that true? >> in a weird twist of fate, yes, i did get at the same day. i was all pouty. i'm looking at the script going, god, i think it is funny. i think this is funny. i think i want to do it. it has been so much fun and i cannot tell you how much respect i have for health care workers after doing this. [cheers and applause] >> desi: it shows. >> incredible. >> desi: it really shows in the show. one of the things i appreciate it so much, it is laugh-out-loud funny. it is very, very funny. but all of the characters have these huge blind spots for comedic reasons but never are they, like, completely inept at their jobs. so it is sort of a love letter to health care workers. >> it really is. because when you get into health care, don't think that you are ever going to work a 40-hour week.

that just doesn't happen. there are times when, it is somebody's worst day in the world but you just want to go to lunch. or you really have to pee, and you wish someone would make a decision. they are people too. sometimes they are going to have a bad day and they should be allowed to have a bad day sometimes, as we all should. [applause] >> desi: of course. >> respect! respect to all of the health care workers out there! >> desi: have you had anyone come up to you, any actual health care workers come up to you and say, thank you for making the show, i watch the show? >> i do get dms from people who say, that way you play the administrator is dead on. not to -- you know, pat my own back there but the very thought that you have to keep people motivated, when you don't even believe what you are saying anymore, and i have had to work for people like that, so what do you do? you change your physicality and

maybe you might throw a fake judo move or whatever to just kind of getting a smile on someone's face and all they want to do is flip you the bird. >> desi: at this point, you have played a fake cop, a fake doctor, hospital administrator, no a fake mom in the '80s. knowing your track record, the show is going to last for 27 seasons. >> i hope so, desi! we got to get you in there. >> desi: sign me up. >> come on. >> desi: but what do you wish to do next for a fake job? >> ooh, for a fake job next, prostitute? >> desi: oh, that is the one. [applause] >> i really think i would be good at it. >> desi: footwork or no footwork? we will get to it. >> have we met? well, of course footwork! [laughs] >> desi: sign me up because i would like to buy a boat. "st. denis medical" airs tuesdays at 8:00 pm on nbc and streams on peacock.

wendi mclendon-covey, everybody! [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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how's that? just go to popeyes. ♪ love that chicken from popeyes. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: comic relief is putting on a show to raise money to support the most vulnerable communities affected by the l.a. wildfires. the show is called "comic relief: stand-up for l.a." it's on march 3rd in new york city. i'll be there, jon stewart will be there, josh johnson will be there. for more info and to buy tickets or to donate, please go to the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> no one has taken responsibility for the hack but it comes as the government considers replacing half of the housing agency's workforce with ai. staff reportedly struggled to turn off the tvs. eventually, trying a traditional fix and unplugging them at the wall. >> sorry. ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪

♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ [scoffs] -fake news. -[phone chimes] [keypad typing] [phone chimes] here you go, guys. a little hot coffee. where'd we even go last night? i have no idea.

-cup of coffee, joe? -yeah. thanks. [joe screams] i remember we got really excited about something. that's right, that's right, we had that million-dollar business idea. -does anyone remember it? -more coffee, joe? sure, i'll take another cup. -[joe screams] -didn't anyone write it down? wait a minute, maybe it's in my pocket. peter, are you just rubbing pocket cloth over your wang? i'm actually popping a leg pimple, mister smarty pants. damn it, i'm sick of us always forgetting our great ideas when we're drinking. well, down at work, we wear body cams. we could just do that when we're drinking. that's a great idea, joe. thanks. now maybe you'll take down those three billboards you put up about me. that's not true. [scream-sneezes] wow, joe, these are pretty cool. yeah, they're not as heavy as i thought they'd be.