people of argentina, i have heard your cries, and i just want to say... meg. meg! i already told you you're not gonna be evita. you're gonna be the back half of edgar the farting horse. now get in. [loud fart] [peter] hey. i do the farting. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump is releasing a new line of hats for your weird uncle to wear, america's cover charge is about to go up, and elon musk does hand stuff. so let's get right into it! ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> desi: today was a big day for donald trump. he had a meeting with every member of his cabinet, and he even invited the president! by the way, thanks for dressing up, elon. don't let us keep you from a blackjack tournament in 2006. but yes, elon did have a seat at the table.

well, not an actual seat, he was more looming over it like an ed hardy sith lord. and some reporters wondered if that created tension with the actual cabinet members, given that he keeps trying to fire all of their staff. >> president trump put out a truth social today saying everybody in the cabinet was happy with you. i just wondered if that if you had heard otherwise and if you had heard anything about members of the cabinet who weren't happy with the way things were going. >> um... >> elon, let the cabinet speak just for a second. [laughter] is anybody unhappy with elon? if you are, we'll throw him out of here. [laughter] anybody unhappy? [applause] >> desi: it's nice to know that someone gets a vote on whether elon musk should be running the country. it would have been awkward if someone started to raise their hand before everyone else started clapping.

"me? oh, no, i wasn't raising my hand... i was, um... just about to do a nazi salute!" "phew, good save, girl." so everyone is proud of the job elon is doing, and elon agrees. >> i should say also we will make mistakes. we won't be perfect, but when we make a mistake, we'll fix it very quickly. so for example, with u.s.a.i.d., one of the things we accidentally canceled very briefly was ebola and ebola prevention. i think we all want ebola prevention. so we restored ebola prevention immediately. [audience reacts] >> desi: i'm sorry, you accidentally very briefly canceled what? i hate to be giving efficiency notes to the efficiency master, but perhaps next time we keep ebola prevention going the whole time? [cheers and applause] is elon really asking for credit for only canceling ebola

prevention a little bit? it's like he dropped a baby and went, "what! look how fast i picked it back up! five second rule!" i think we should be a little more careful, especially when we're already dealing with a measles outbreak. but don't worry, elon is not in charge of that. rfk jr is. >> i think there's 124 people who have contracted measles at this point, mainly -- [coughs] we are told in the mennonite community. there are two people who have died. [coughs] but, uh -- the -- we're watching it so it is not unusual. we have measles outbreaks every year. >> desi: quick question: when you say, "we have measles outbreaks every year," are you talking about america? or, like, you? [applause] cause right now it sounds like you might take out that whole room! that would be...

terrible, i want to say. [cheers and applause] but yes, rfk is overseeing the measles outbreak. and he has promised that he will personally, if the hospital allows it, consume all the corpses of those affected. so he's really seeing to it. and this cabinet meeting was kind of a waste of time. but trump has been getting some stuff done. for example, yesterday, he signed an executive order that forces hospitals to be transparent with their prices. and look, that seems like a good idea, and i am perfectly capable of admitting it when donald trump did something goo -- when trump did something g -- when donald trump did something goo -- i can't say it! why is this so hard? thank god those don't come along very often! of course, because it's

donald trump, most people will never hear about this price transparency thing, because at the same meeting, he seemed more interested in doing stuff like this. >> do you have one of those "trump was right about everything" hats? here, give me those, yeah, give me all of them. look, see that? "trump was right about everything." just came in. somebody said, i said, this was sent in by a fan. i said, i think we should make some of them. but we were pretty much. you want one? >> desi: okay, first of all, that's way too much text, guys. if your hat needs a bookmark, it's not a good hat. and look, i hate to quibble with the hat, but trump wasn't right about everything. there were a couple of small things. haitian immigrants weren't eating cats and dogs. there wasn't $50 million worth of condoms sent to gaza. belgium is not a city. the 2020 election wasn't stolen.

[cheers and applause] china doesn't operate the panama canal, nor does it... ♪ ♪ and the best taco bowls are not made at the trump tower grill. [cheers and applause] but yes, other than that, trump was right about everything. now i'm not trying to be a hater. but if you're going to own a hat with a ridiculous lie on it, at least make it a fun ridiculous lie. which is why... i'm selling these "garfield did 9/11" hats. get yours today! before he finishes the job. [cheers and applause] but obviously, trump didn't bring everybody into the oval office just to sell hats.

he was there to sell something much more fancy. >> we're going to be selling a gold card. you have a green card, this is a gold card. we're going to be putting a price on that card of about $5 million, and that's going to give you green card privileges plus. >> desi: oh, green card privileges plus? i was still getting america with ads! [laughter and applause] quick question, if i'm unhappy with america, can i cancel my subscription after seven days? [cheers and applause] but i'm curious, what does this gold card do? >> it's going to be a route to citizenship and wealthy people will be coming into our country by buying this card. they'll be wealthy and they'll be successful and they'll be spending a lot of money. >> desi: did this guy just put a cover charge on america?

it's $5 million to get in, but he'll waive it if you bring three hot girls with you. i mean, i guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry donald trump, but still! [cheers and applause] immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future. "my grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom louis vuitton five-piece trunk set." although, i have to admit, i don't totally hate the idea of buying your way into a country. hey, canada. how you doin', girl? i'm going to come out and say it: i want to be in you. and listen, i don't have $5 million dollars. but i do have... four dollars, a cough drop, and

this orange hat! [cheers and applause] let's talk "aboot" it. now you might be thinking, wait a second, if the u.s. is just going to put citizenship up for sale, doesn't that mean any monster can buy one as long as they're rich? according to trump, mm-hmm. >> will a russian oligarch be eligible for a gold card? >> yeah, possibly. hey, i know some russian oligarchs that are very nice people. it's possible. [audience reacts] >> desi: it seems like trump watched "anora" and his takeaway from that movie was, "we need to do more to help out that rich russian teenager. he's so good at sex!" but if you're letting russians come into the country, you got to be careful. i don't want to engage in stereotypes, but if you let a russian in, then there's going to be a smaller russian inside of him, and then an even smaller russian inside of him, and on and on and on!

there's always another! [cheers and applause] bottom line, i'm not sure i like the idea of a special card that gives rich people unique access to america. but if we're going in that direction, we have an idea for how to market it. ♪ ♪ >> for centuries, the world's poor and hungry have flocked to america's shores, and now, you can jump that line. introducing the trump gold card. $5 million. you get citizenship plus exclusive access to wyoming. you get to vote twice. and best of all, the delta sky lounge. and for $10 million more, you get the trump platinum card we are better than gold. you get two laws a year. a free breakfast. cottage cheese. three month of apple tv+, and a gun. want more? the trump black card. >> [bleep] platinum card. >> you get your face on

mount rushmore. your own star. and even better, the delta sky lounge. had enough? [bleep] you. here's the trump diamond card. the vip swim hours in the gulf of america. box seats at the kennedy center. the diamond card helps you deport anyone with a gold card and it works at dave & buster's. unlimited. don't forget, the delta sky lounge. the trump immigration card made in china. [cheers and applause] >> desi: when we come back, we find out why elon musk moves like that, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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intuit credit karma. karma you can count on. download the app today. introducing applebee's new big easy menu starting at $11.99. ♪♪ applebee's new big easy menu. get it while you can. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." if there's one thing we've learned about elon musk, it's that he's a very graceful man who's comfortable in his own body. but how did he get that way? well, good news: we found the man responsible. >> ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage... mr. elon musk! ♪ ♪

>> double fist, double fist, and more. >> yeah! >> he nailed it. so proud. my name is john, i am elon musk's normal body choreographer. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i am responsible for all of the very normal movements you see from elon musk making with his body. elon is a wonderful pupil. he might not necessarily have the coordination of a great dancer, or the talent or ability or federal control over his limbs, but he does have the money. ♪ ♪ i would rate his dancing somewhere between stephen hawking and michael jackson. after he died. luckily, i am one of the great choreographers on this earth.

one of my proudest routines is elon's trademark x sleep. i worked for weeks trying to invent it. i was really struggling. until i watch some children performing with kim jong un. that is elon! ♪ ♪ beautiful! did you see it, mother? he did look like a kangaroo with lyme disease. that was the point. you don't respect my craft. my first big gig was actually a stage production of "high school musical," on jeffery epstein's island. i have choreographed dances were some of the great superrich dancers of our time. bill gates. steve ballmer. and jojo siwa. three days before the inauguration, elon told me he wanted to develop a signature

move, like trump's double handy. ♪ ♪ he wanted to send his heart out to the crowd. ♪ ♪ he told me, he wanted it to look like adolph. referring of course to the 20th century a ballet dancer, so we worked and worked and worked until eventually, when we landed on our final solution. elon is about to sent his heart out to the crowd. people are going to love it. just watch. here he goes. he just -- he just -- oh, no. there must've been a mistake. surely, he will not do it again. he did it again. okay. my heart goes out to you. of course i didn't know he was going to do that. he was supposed to send his heart out to the crowd. it was supposed to be like this. obviously, that is not what we were hers mother! ♪ ♪

[dramatic music] please don't fire me, jojo. ♪ ♪ [screaming] >> things have been hard since the incident. i lost my job, my house, and my scarf. but i did land a new job. i have been asked to be the singing coach for rfk jr. rfk, it is la, la, la. >> desi: when we come back, rosebud baker will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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for am-! sam adams american light. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a comedian, actor, and emmy award-winning writer for "snl." her latest stand-up special for netflix is called "the mother lode." >> see, i never wanted kids until kids started playing hard to get. and i was like, oh, okay, if you

are going to ghost me, now i am [bleep] into it. i love an emotionally unavailable baby. that's hot. >> desi: please welcome rosebud baker! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> whoa! the warm up guy does his job. >> desi: yeah, right? vince isn't a fool. he knows exactly what he is doing. i am so happy to have you on. congratulations on your special. >> thank you. >> desi: you filmed half of this special when you are eight months pregnant and then half of the special after you had your baby, a year after. >> yes.

>> desi: what was behind that decision to show that part of your journey? like, playing with the dichotomy of those two? >> i wasn't sure. i was someone who wasn't sure if i wanted kids are not and i kind of tortured myself with the decision, and i also wasn't sure that i had an hour that i could confidently put out. [laughs] so it was necessity is the mother of invention type of a situation. but also, i just -- when i watch it now, i think of my childfree self and how i wished that i had something like that to watch so that i didn't have to torture myself. something that was really, really honest about what it took to get pregnant even, because they tell you, if you are not double condom, everything -- your life is over. you can get pregnant, like, one day a month. >> desi: right, yeah. >> like, upside down. >> desi: [laughs] which is how you did it. >> which is how i prefer to do it.

>> desi: i really wish that i had your special to watch when i was pregnant because i think so many women think, oh, my god, am i even going to be myself anymore? am i going to change? but what is so awesome was that before you had the baby, you are this brilliant comedian, who is a great storyteller with impeccable timing, and after the baby, you are brilliant comedian who is a great storyteller with impeccable timing. [cheers and applause] and to see that visual representation. it dispelled the bullshit myth of, women lose their edge when they become mothers. well, watch this [bleep] special. [cheers and applause] >> i honestly -- i think the whole notion that women are soft or that they are not on their game, i don't think motherhood does that to women. i think bad husbands do that to women. [cheers and applause] >> desi: yeah, i agree.

>> i think bad husbands are the problem. >> desi: your husband is a good husband. >> yes. >> desi: and is also a stand-up comedian. >> and still an idiot. and he is the best.>> desi: butd idiot. >> he's a good idiot. >> desi: so he's a comedian, you're a comedian. are you concerned that your daughter is at high risk for becoming a comedian? >> yeah. so my husband and i are both recovering alcoholics. i am a.d.d., he is depressed. i think comedy is the least of her worries. it pains me to say this but it might be the best-case scenario. >> desi: [laughs] if that's the case, she's got a great role model to look up to. >> thank you. [applause] >> desi: one of the things that stands out so much about your comedy is that you just get right to the bone. like, you are not afraid to talk about things that some might find hard to mine comedy from. you are very honest. you are very raw. you talk openly, like in the clip, about experiencing

miscarriage. you talk about loss, you talk about grief, postpartum. is that something that -- is it helpful to process all of that through comedy? >> no. [laughs] therapy is helpful. it is like, you know what is better than laughter is medicine. >> desi: yes. [applause] >> you know, i mean, i feel like patch adams was goofy but he still gave those kids chemo. [laughs] >> desi: if only we could replace rfk jr. with patch adams. >> yes! [cheers and applause] a little switcheroo. >> desi: we'd be set. wouldn't that be good? >> would be amazing. >> desi: you are incredibly busy as is. you are also an emmy-winning writer on "snl." [cheers and applause]

you write on "weekend update," so you are in the trenches. do you find it incredibly challenging to stay on top of just the pace of the news all the time? like, how do you cope? i am asking for a friend. >> it is helpful that they pay me. >> desi: that does come in handy. >> i will say, this is a good tip. just focusing on yourself. breathing. when i go into work, i will take a deep breath, i will center myself, and i will kick one pigeon as far as i can. >> desi: yes, i like that. kick, kick pigeon. and with bird flu going around, they kind of have it coming. >> you are saving lives. >> desi: they have it coming. oh, my god. thank you for that. [cheers and applause] you can see rosebud kicking pigeons around new york city.

but you can also see her special "the mother lode" it's streaming right now on netflix. rosebud baker, everybody! [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ applebee's new big easy menu. bringing the flavors of bourbon street to your street. ♪♪ applebee's new big easy menu. starting at $11.99. isn't the point of a luxury car to help you stand apart? why then, do so many people buy them? simply to blend in?

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider donating to "i support the girls." they're an organization dedicated to providing essential items like bras and menstrual hygiene products for girls and women experiencing homelessness. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> you want one? are you allowed to take one? because he will consider it. i know he will. sort of a staff. you are not a stiff. sort of a stiff guy. he will take other things, but not a free hand. >> always say yes to the president. always say yes to the president. always say yes to the president. >> would anyone like one? ♪ it seems today that all you see ♪ ♪ is violence in movies and sex on tv ♪ ♪ but where are those good old-fashioned values ♪

♪ on which we used to rely? ♪ ♪ lucky there's a family guy ♪ ♪ lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ ♪ all the things that make us ♪ ♪ laugh and cry ♪ ♪ he's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪ [narrator] previously on family guy... [stewie] dad's working for the trump white house? [engineer] uh, hey, stewie, can we do that again? maybe a little more energy? [sighs] uh, no? [engineer] i, i think we can use it. oh, yay, that's awesome. [♪ fanfare music plays] wow, the white house is great. there's no wonder you spend two days a week here. i'm sorry, can you hang on a sec? got to close this window. melania's out there blowing bubbles for eric. [giggling] dad, i got one in my mouth. it tastes like soap!

tremendous. amazing. okay, peter, your main job here, is to go in rooms before me to make sure there's no static electricity. don't go in there. it's not safe. well done, peter. [zapping] everyone, welcome to our new place. i think we're gonna enjoy the beltway lifestyle. washington, d.c. is a wonderful city to call home. and will we be putting our kids in the local public schools? no, i would not recommend it. dibs on the bedroom in which an intern got murdered. aw, i want the intern murder bedroom! there's no need to fight, kids. an intern has been murdered in each of the bedrooms. [chris and stewie gasp] well, i think this sucks. i want to go back to quahog. but we just got here, sweetie. tomorrow, at james woods high, it's scoliosis spine check day. it's the one day a year i get touched! meg, your father got this great new opportunity, and we need to support him.