what we're discovering in statistical studies of populations is that this particular gene in the populations they've studied, 80% of them who have this particular genetic variant are -- end up being bald. but 20% of them don't. and there's something going on that we don't quite know yet in the gene environment interaction. so right now we might say well, there's a gene that predisposes us to baldness. well, what happens if next year we discover that if you give more folic acid, if mothers take more folic acid on the third day of pregnancy that 90% of the people with the same gene are going to be born with this hair and 10% are going to -- not born. but are going to develop -- are not going to go bald and the 10% are going to go bald. are we going to say suddenly oh, well here's a gene that predisposes us to have a great head of hair.

the point is what we need to learn more about is the interaction. now, we can't do a lot to change our genes, although even that is an interesting footnote which i get into in the book. we can do a lot to learn about environmental side that impacts the interaction. and so that's why i think we need to use different words. another word that i really don't like that steven pinker uses that i talk about in the book is probablisic. same idea. it makes it sound like rolling dice. probablistic is only referring to the statistical studies. i have this wonderful quote from pinker where he's making that exact point. but he's somehow decided still to use the word.

so he says -- he's talking about the baldness gene and we don't need to stare at this forever. he's a good-looking guy. but i'm better looking. ...

again quoting pinker, but the second use of the number that is referring to how these genes affect an individual is just plain weird. so again, the words we are using are misleading. we're all still struggling to come up with the right words. i guess what i'm trying to say, by writing this book is that mere phrases aren't going to do it yet. we need chapters and we need books and when the long conversations and interactions between scientists and nonscientists to get misunderstanding out there. thank you very much for your question. [inaudible] >> i mean, as a biologist i find your efforts heroic to stress that genes plus environment is not sufficient to describe what's going on, but that genes times environment is a better of idea of how we're developing, which is whatever one you are

asking about. my hesitancy i think is that the definition of environment can also be confusing for the public. not only genes times environment is confusing, but the definition of environment. environmental factors are not created equally. in your book you mentioned things, so broad, prenatal hormones exposure, which is something that i study, as an environmental factor, which is. and it doesn't carry the same weight as, say, the latitude that you live and the number of daylight hours you're exposed to which is also environmental factor, how much food you get access to, both of those think you might have some control over. and i also don't think they carry the same weight as being exposed to the opera at a very young age which is also something that could be, you know, have something you have control over as well. so i think that part of the conversation that needs to

continue with this genes times environment is discussing a broad range of how environment is defined. >> and also talking about control. there's no daylight between what you're saying and what i'm saying, in fact i talked explicitly about how saying that we can impact this interaction and talking about this stuff has a lot of different environmental input, input that we can learn more about come is not the same thing as saying we can have control over it. as you are saying, some things we have a lot of control over. some things we can have no control over. some things we actually inherit have nothing to do with strictly with biology. so we inherit a culture really. we inherit a language. we inherit all sorts of ways of thinking. we entered a general kind of sense of what nutrition. there are so many ways about our lives that really kind of, deliver to us that it's actually

rather difficult to change unless you want to be seen as a really radical person. some people are willing to do. so absolutely. this is a giant and highly nuanced conversation, which i appreciate what you said, but i don't -- i wouldn't disagree with any of it. and i tried to give a nod to a lot of those points in the book. >> thanks. >> i have a feeling that your manufacturing an absence of evidence. you say the average life expectancy doesn't tell me how long i'm going to live. okay, i don't expect to live 220 years old. i know that. i can't predict that with 100% certainty, but the average life expectancy tells me a lot about how long i'm going to live. and you're not -- sorry, what is the average life expectancy tell you about how long you're going to live? >> this is a strange thing.

>> how likely am i going to live to be 104 years old? >> you're not likely at all, but let's not speak as i don't hold your right now but obviously we're talking about someone who was just bored and how likely they are to live. you are obviously very likely to live to be the age you are now. [laughter] >> but what does it tell you have what is the average life expectancy tell you about how long you're going to live? >> there are extremes that are very unlikely, it also gives me an average expectancy to aim for when planning for retirement and such. and insurance companies take this into their rate. i agree with that part. >> once the disagreement? >> well, you're saying that there's this competition interaction between genes and environment that determine talent, which no one can really argue with. but he seems to me that you're doing everything you can to downplay the influence of genes.

and the influence of genes is substantial and we know from studies that the iq of children are affected by the adoptive environment that this effect diminishes, and the iq tends towards the biological parents as the child develops into an adult. so the influence of genes is very strong, and i don't think speed is i don't think you'd say there's a genius and all the spirit i think there's a lot of people who are just not going to turn into geniuses. >> okay. i think were for my with the same evidence and we have different meaning of the. you also know that iq while stable overpopulation is not a fixed, does not signify a fixed amount of intelligence. and, in fact, can be dramatically raised or lowered if there are substantial amount, substantial body of scholarship that says that. so what i'm talking about is not, and i think, i know i've

said this explicitly at least once today. i am not saying that anyone can be anything. and i've been very, very clear to say that genes -- [inaudible] >> if i'd shown up and said there's a genius and all of us, goodnight everyone. then you could probably just argued against the time of the book. but actually there is a book year, and i've written, spent three years writing it, half of the book is actually scholarship in the back of the book. and i've taken out considerable pain to talk about the nuances of what i mean by that. and let me just take a moment to make another nuance. i'm actually not talking about -- uncertainly not -- i'm certainly not positing that you can take any person alive in the world today and turn them into a genius. i'm talking about, and i think i was very clear about this already in my presentation, i'm talking about what human potential is and how the genome

is actually quite adaptive. and that culture plays a huge role in this. so that we're not just talking about, you know, what parents can do to now to children that are about to be bored or children of five years old or 10 years old. we're talking about embracing this idea of where we can go as a society over time, and turning and using what we learn to maximize the potential of human beings. now, i'm not really so worried about how people are doing in my neighborhood because people are quite successful there. but there's this whole portion of the world that actually don't do very well, and there's a considerable number of people out there who either say or think that a big part of that reason is because they've got inferior genes, and that is a really low ceiling on what those people are ever going to achieve. and i think that the evidence,

my reading of the evidence and the reading of quite a number of scientists some of which i mentioned today, and a number of which i mentioned, others i mentioned in the book, they're meeting of the evidence is quite the opposite. that the genome itself, for people who aren't built with obviously clear -- clear genetic disorders, that the genome itself has the capability to adapt such that there's extraordinary an actualized potential, as i refer to. >> you spoke about creating a new vocabulary, or a new language. are what i understand is known and unknown abels that impact either on intelligence or knowledge over time and. i'd like to know what your input is or has been from others, and how you see this going forward.

>> well, input from others. do you mean personally to me as i was writing the book? [inaudible] >> right. [inaudible] >> right. [inaudible] >> well, yes, i've had a lot of those conversations. i haven't had a lot of conversations since i finished the book. iho the book to a number of drafts, spoke to a number of scientists to make sure i get my science right.

not every site would agree what i write in the book. obviously, there people in this room to disagree what i write in the book. but the scientists i have trusted and used as resources have that did it and kind of given me the thumbs up. there are a number of very prominent scientists since the book had come out who have said that they're very impressed with it, which is great. but to answer your question directly, yes. know, we haven't had a lot of those conversations in a real satisfying them shortly not a publicly. i tried to do a little bit of an issuing of this conversation. i read a blog on theatlantic.com called the genius in all of us, which tries to deal with a lot of different ideas from the book. but one of the things i want to do with the book and i tried to do if you taken a look at it is i have tried to bring, i try to invite scientists in the different points of view on the stuff to talk to each other. i have tried to buy the sciences and who i really respect who are really trying, spending a lot of

their efforts trying to articulate this for the general public. most scientists are just doing their site, and that's not a criticism. that's their job. it's not too many scientists who have time and the ambition to make this a public conversation. and i'm trying to reach out to quite a number of them. one at the university of iowa, a member of this association was a hubble to me in the book. is another one who spends a lot of time trying to explain scientific concepts to the public. so i try to work douglas walton is another. are quite a number i'm trying to reach out to. peter reiner. so that's one of the interests. and i hope this book is, you know, a part of the contribution that helps get a conversation going, and which obviously scientists need to be a part. and a want to encourage scientists, anyone, any scientist who has the time and

wherewithal to be part of the conversation, to dive in. because one of my fears of living in is very complex world is that we are moving or hurtling towards a world where complexity is understood by very passionate and rather small percentage of people, and there's another group of people, the general public, who just kind of see the world getting more and more complex, and just developed this year and even this rage around that. and that we are actually leaving the world unintentionally in that way. and one of the things i try to do as a writer when i writing about science or other things that are complex is try to bridge that gap because i think it's an important thing to do. >> thank you all for this really lively q&a. i'm going to take one more question. if you like to continue the discussion you can follow bill here, a gentleman and in the nice argyle sweater, to whom a

llama. it's west on 10th street and you guys can continue the discussion which i'm sure there's lots to do. i will take one more question. [inaudible] >> is it conceivable that a genetic component of ted williams success was not his eyesight, his reflexes, not his upper body strength. it was that compulsiveness and amazing personality trait that made him hit the ball over and over and over and over again. and to do those over and over again. is that conceivably -- whenever the olympus come around, you do these heartwarming stories about the little girl who has gotten about 4:00 in the morning every day to practice her skating, and

the one has been skiing since he was two years old. that's what ties all these people together, the real genius, the real success, the extraordinary success. is that a genetic component? >> welcome the genes influence that? yes. is there a gene for that kind of drive that simply gives that thing, yeah, that you're born with that every person has that gene or that kind of magical -- i don't need is a magical, but that collection of genes that those people are all going to have that level of drive? no. that is also going to be an interaction. so that again goes back to the question of can the impact that? that is, as parents can impact that one way or another. i as a parent personally wouldn't want my child to have such an extreme level of drive that they make a certain -- that they make extraordinary sacrifices to give up things that i would want them to be

including in their lives to make a more balanced people. so parents actually different parents might want to impact that one way or another. and i think the evidence is emerging, and it's pre-strung from a lot of different places, that we can impact a child's personality and we can impact drive and we can teach kids, we can give kids the tools. some kind of philosophical tools, some academic tools to learn how to, to channel the dry they have. and to even develop more of an ambition if they don't have so much. so again back to this notion where i'm not saying that we're ever going to really control that, but i think it's also time to say, well, let's stop saying that something that kind of comes out of nowhere and that we will never understand that we're learning more about child development. we're learning more about the

emergence of personalities. and yes, there are genetic influences but that's not the same thing say there are innate traits that just kind of come up and there they are and we don't have anything to do with that as parents, or as the culture. [inaudible] >> you can do so on his blog which will be a great venue to continue to have this conversation with them. and thank you all for coming and let's thank david shenk. >> thank you for coming. [inaudible conversations] >> david shenk is a correspondent for theatlantic.com. his books include "the forgetting," "data smog" and "the immortal game." to find out more visit theatlantic.com.

>> well, there is a new worldwide community gathering to read a book. and it's called one book and one twitter and the organizer is just how. mr. houck am actually does what one book one twitter is. >> in a sense it is a global book club, but the inspiration was really not book clubs. which twitter has a few a. they're wonderful. as the big read that we've seen over the last 10 years, the first one being nancy perls what if everyone in seattle with the same book. were in 1998 were all of seattle read the same book. the one that inspired it was i was reading about one book, one chicago, the first an ideal case where the red to kill a mockingbird. and the source of connections that true. and i was reading about that and, of course, i may taking a

course at harvard. so the idea these programs, while they get people to read and that's wonderful, what they do is they build social capital. they build connections between people. they give people with nothing in common something in common. >> so what book was chosen to be read? >> well, there was a long and involved nominating and then voting process ultimate the book chosen was american gods. >> why did you choose that one? >> i didn't are coming, it was the crowd. why did the crowd choose it? that's a good question. there were a lot of classics out there. essentially, yeah, i'm a contributing editor of wired. and the books that were nominated and then click of the most votes in at first base to read lots of science fiction, we had by the 19 nato, brave new

world. but people, there's a lot of neo-game fans that read wired, but even then, you know, the board picked the six popular once and then added foretell to sort introduced the diversity into a list of finalists. people still, you know, a broad group of people who decided that they wanted the book. anything anyone read in high school or college people that necessarily want to read his party. they want to read something new. >> so, mr. howe, what is the processor? have people already start reading american gods? >> good heavens, yes. it's been, we have a lot of traffic. it's at least as successful as i could have wished. probably more. in fact, i keep saying with this one been expelled, "one book, one twitter," one bid on 1001 big experiment.

and so international that there is no dip in activity overnight because that's when all the people and everywhere from india to poland are reading the book and tweeting about it. what we have done is there's one hash, general comment about the book are being made. and then we split the subsequent discussions up into chapters so that people are getting away some of the plot point. so some -- >> so if some of the book tv viewers want to discussion now speak is absolutely. go to twitter and to a query. from that account is where we do send all the information people need to know. >> how long will this be going

on? >> for another eight weeks. >> all right. thanks for joining us on book tv. sure. thank you. >> were at the organization of american story in washington, d.c.. we are at the university of kansas press for the last couple of years have been putting out an election series of books. this what about the election of 1896 your we are with ranjit arab and editor in chief michael briggs. they want to tell me about the

election sure you have? >> sure. it's part of our presidential election series. what we do is we take a look at pivotal presidential elections. some of the more famous ones like 1984 waddled reagan's, you know, i should in the conservative era in politics. and some of the lesser-known ones. take for example, this election, 1898 weather was a lot of real i'm it and set precedent or how parties sort of reconfigured the electorate and their favorite. >> where did this idea come from? i'll ask michael that question. you're off to another series, a legal series here and you would think about these books come to the office. t. want to discuss how this series came together and have a two of them are working out for you? >> a legal series got its start back in early 1990s with the conversation we had an academic conference with peter charles hoffer who is coeditor of the series. we both had wanted to develop a series focused on major legal cases in american history and

worked out a plan for it and have gone forward from that since then. we now have nearly 50 titles in print to web another two dozen on the way. and it's very open-ended series, as new cases are cropping up all the time for major, insignificant and we intend to deal with those also. >> will author's approach about working into the series in regards to the election series and the legal series, or are you seeking out for them? >> well, ranjit can answer this also, but about. one of the main reasons we come to meetings like this is to try to have faced to have conversations with potential authors. some of them approached us. many of them are essentially targeted by ourselves and our planning for the meetings that we go to. and then out of those conversations often we get books. >> regulars of booktv, you may recognize a lot of are titles. the universe of kansas press without several titles every

year is an booktv covers a lot of them. one of which are wholly in hand which was recently covered, "guantanamo, usa: the untold history of america's cuban outpost." this is the history of the american base in guantanamo. prior to the way we know it currently in regards to a holding area for terrorist suspects but rather a military base. and when you talk about that for a moment? >> it was part of a developing in perl and polls in american national life. the base itself was designed to be part of the projection of american identity and power in the early part of the previous century. and it was a bit of a precursor to what now is dozens and dozens of bases around the country that have and american identity or controlled by the united states. and that was designed partly in the interest of national security, and that's an ongoing concern today. >> the author stephen schwab,

can you tell me a little bit about it? >> sure. steve is actually, for about 30 or more years, was an analyst in latin america for the cia. and so knows an awful lot about the region, including the caribbean and cuba. and we had a conversation with another conference many years ago about his work. he decided to pursue a dissertation after he retired from the agency, and chose this as his subject. and he approached me one day. i was very interested. i thought, especially in light of post-9/11, there's an awful lot of interest in guantanamo, of course. but not much note about the history of the place. so i thought this would be a good opportunity for a good book. >> these conferences are not really about usually offer new books, but having new authors approach you, perhaps? >> it's a little bit of both.

we definitely do want to show off our new books. this is a chance to reach out to the core audience for a lot of these books. but also it is a good way to meet new scholars and get it introduced a new project. a little of both. >> ranjit, you were to manage of university can the press and now you and acquisition editor to want to tell me about what that entails? >> sure. i had been on the marketing side, and i was dealing with the books once they were produced. at this stage i'm working with authors very early on in the process, helping to shape the books, get into the review process. and prepare them for production. >> you have one of the book you want to show us your exide about? >> yes, the book is dreadful. i think this is a fascinating look at american culture and it really shatters this idea that the toys were the roaring '20s. in fact, it says that rather than all this excess and frivolity we are really struggling with her i didn't of

whether we're holding onto a glorious past or trying to embrace this great new world of technology, celebrity and entertainment culture that we have now. >> michael briggs and ranjit arab, university of kansas press. thanks so much. >> thank you. >> david horowitz president of the center for the city of popular culture to members the life of his late daughter, sarah, by discussing their political clashes and eventual discovery of common ground. the four seasons hotel in los angeles is the host of this hour-long event. >> introducing -- i get to introduce david which is a real honor. working with him almost eight years i've gotten to know him i think fairly well. but the first, david, i've never told to destroy. the first time we met was ask about 14 or 15 years ago. david always come he fired at my previous job. i won't tell the organization

but we had a dinner with dick armey, and i don't been a couple of weeks am i signed was to be the vip room security at the elevator. which i didn't volunteer for but since i was the new guy i got stuck without job. who gets off the elevator, i never knew of david, but david horowitz gets off the elevator and he didn't have the most honest a bedside to say david -- i did say david. i said sure, this is the vip reception. and you can't put his hands up and smiled and said, and that's were i'm going. and he just walked right in. and other i'm not going to stop david horowitz. that's, you know. and sure enough a couple of minutes later i saw dick armey came up and get huge hug, and the whole cuts in other vip reception then pivoted to dick armey and david. i thought it's a good thing he is here because everyone seemed to know him and like him. i went in to work -- i think that was on a saturday or friday. i can't remember. when i went into work on monday i got reamed that how could i let this happen, how could i let

this interloper into the vip reception. and i think i get a was dick armey seem to be pretty happy to see them. so dick armey and are paid at the people are happy to see him i guess it's okay. so i survived about six more years in that job. i'm starting to get a little anxious and frustrated. i felt like, we do this in any one of the nonprofit movement because we want to make a difference, what a change was kind of corny things. but it is true. i was getting frustrated. i want to make things happen. i found out david was looking for an executive director. and director. and i thought i remember my one experts with david. i knew of him of course. and i thought the person assured me they would will make things happen. if you're frustrated about not getting things done, david gets things done. and then some. and, of course, i was also warned about working for david. is difficult, cantankerous, you know, has a temper. all this kind of things and then i thought, plus he's an ex-communist. some people said maybe still.

who knows? i do know. i heard all those kind of warnings and i thought this to seem like the right opportunity. and it will be eight years this summer been with david and it's been an incredible eight years. it is all of that kind of cantankerous stuff. but, and there is a big but, and it goes without saying that david is incredibly generous. is been very generous to people that are close to him and low and work hard. sometimes generous to a fault. sometimes people probably take advantage it does david, you know, always says yes. not always says yes, but he has a huge hard. but if you work real hard and you don't expect and you don't ask for everything in return, david leitch incredibly generous. but beyond that i think the thing i love working with david most is if you work for him he allows you to kind of be all you can be, that kind of army saint. but he will allow you to reach a potential. he will allow you to be

creative. he doesn't micromanage you in the sense. you can be the best you can be and is never going to feel threatened. i mean, obviously, david, everyone who is a great writer or politiciapolitician, you know, people always have egos and david has an ego. but it is a secure, confident ago. if you're young and want to get in a moment and want to do great things, david will allow you to fulfill whatever your dreams are. that's been a wonderful thing about david. now why is that while the? that's david. why is that relevant to say in this book? well, there are a lot of ways to measure a man. and david of course, "new york times" bestseller, one of the leading political figures in the world. i think he is the leading political figure on the left, or about the left. studying the world today. he has had a huge impact politically. there's no question he has had, and it's true, when history books are written, david will be one of those great political thinkers that people will study

decades from now. so just on that you could say that measure is incredible. david has achieved so much. what's interesting though is you see people have accomplished so much in public life, whatever that is, whether politicians or artist, whatever. a lot of times they're personally kind of a train wreck. david has been married four times. and all this is in radical since. i'm not reading secrets. it's a there's a partial train wreck. i have been divorced, my father has been married four times that i'm not going to be overcritical on the. so if that's the only measure is being married one time, and i think many of us will fail at that measure. the other great measurement i think for a man is who are father. and i've had the fortune of meeting two of david's children i never got to meet sarah. but all of his four children were and credibly while a cop is, success. and i don't just mean business and can a financially

successful, although i think a couple of the meet that standard as well. all of them are incredible, just incredible people and very successful, accomplished. you would be delighted to meet anyone of them. if those were your forget you'd be very proud to say these are my four kids. and i think that is something that that's a measure come if that's a measure that's a great congressman. what david has been able to do, when i talked about, allowing someone to reach their potential, be all you can be and all that, i can see how, and, of course, david -- if you don't know david would probably be surprised. he is a very humble person. he will get up into public say the mother, they're all great kids because of their mother. i'm sure she's a great mother but there's no way you can raise four kids and the accomplish as they are and the father can take some credit too. we always have to do the discipline and all that kind of stuff, but it's that teaching them and encouraging them and

loving them and allows them to reach potential and doing that with love is an incredible accomplishment. so if that's the measure, then david is quite the man and quite the father. so with that, ladies and gentlemen, david horowitz. [applause] >> toby has a raise over there. i ran the center now over 20 years, at the last eight years have been the most productive years of the center and michael finch is the key, the key to that. i'm very blessed at having mike as my right hand. in the center. thank you all for coming. wonderful old friends i hadn't expected to see. thank you for being here.

for this event, about "a cracking of the heart," which is a book i have written about my daughter sarah who died two years ago in her 44th year. i wrote the book not because i take any pleasure in sharing my wounds in public. but because i do take pleasure in her remarkable life and ensuring that life with others. because i believe that her example can be an inspiration to those who did not know her, and they consolation for those who have lost loved ones, too. it is a facet of our nature that we think and we act as though we are going to live forever. consequently, we do not pay enough attention to the people we love, who are here beside us. in our conversations with them, we are often distracted by other

things going on in our lives. so that we do not hear fully what they are saying, or we cut the conversation short in order to get on with our own business. or if we let our own frustratifrustrations and agendas get in the way of hearing what they are saying. but when they're gone, we would give anything to have them back to continue the conversation. any conversation. for even one minute more. my daughter's life and death are and instruction to appreciate what we have before it is gone. sarah was born in this life with a birth condition known as turner syndrome. among the consequences of this condition, according to one medical, are wide and whatnot, low hairline, small stature, swollen hands and feet, drooping

eyelids, dry eyes, cataracts, obesity, diabetes, in fertility, arthritis, middle ear infections, hearing loss, which in says case was progressive and severe. also, heart defects and high blood pressure, early death. the encyclopedia notes were no known prevention and/or tears. in an awed synchronicity just before she died, sarah was interviewed by an internet website. the interview appeared the day after her death. it was in part about her mom, barbara, who died a few years before with whom sarah was very close. the interviewer noted that senate had turned judaism in her mid '30s out and asked with her religious practice helped her to deal with barbara's death. i think it did, she said. i am very comfortable with the fact that judaism doesn't have a highly developed idea of what happens after you die.

like buddhism and christianity. i pursued judaism very much to find meaning, and i think at the heart of the pursuit is the fact that we all walk around with the knowledge that we are going to die. how did my daughter know this at still a fairly young age i was in her? it was a condition she was born with. the jewish idea that made the most sense to share was the one that means a rolling of the souls. and as the mystical equipment to life after life. it is basically we in carnation, she explained. in the interview sarah introduced the fact about herself that i hadn't known before. i say the prayer, blessed are you got, you resurrect the dead, every morning over my coffin. and counseling her over barbara's loss, sarah's rabbi had told her that while you can't have the person back, you should pay attention to the

relationship, the ways it continues. i think now the resurrection of my daughter the way around but advised, pay attention to the ways in which your relationship continues. and confronting her disability, sarah developed a fierce drive to be independent. not to have to rely on others. she would never concede she was handicapped. emily catcher who was sarah's roommate in college, and for many years after had to say -- had this to say about her. sarah pretended there was nothing wrong with her all the time. once i said to her, you get a lot of their infection. and that's how i found out that she had turner syndrome. our disabilities were visible, yet she was in denial about the that you want to carry on as though they didn't exist that she didn't want to make any adjustments because of them, and she didn't want anyone talking about them. all the arguments family remembers with sarah were over such issues.

sarah was really easy to live with, the best roommate i ever had. we listen to the same records. she didn't care about the mess we made and we were very happy together. but she would get mad with me when i would have so her about her health or what i would say you are utterly qualified to get social security for payments with people with disabilities. that would really steamer. no, she would say. i am not disabled. and i am not going to do that. and she didn't. her sister kept up the pressure but in the end failed to persuade her that she still possesses the original so security application she requested for sarah which sarah never signed. she had the same argument with her sister over getting a bus pass for the disabled. i am not disabled, she argued. sarah didn't drive buses. i once called her at nine in been to ask a question about judaism. when i reach her she was riding a bus from school. she was completing a degree for

teaching special needs children. she answered my question with the same cheerfulness and wisdom that she did whenever i had such questions. but i was curious about the bus she was writing so late in the evening on a weeknight. when i questioned her, she told me it was the third bus she had taken. that evening to get home from school. sex buses night after a day of work, a practice she continued on and off for 20 years. and i never heard of word of complaint. in her 30s, she joined a synagogue in san francisco. it's rabbi was alan. one of his words of advice was that everyone should discover their divine name. which was derived from the attribute which they hated most about themselves. but which was the source of the greatest virtue. it was god's gift to them. to explain this, rabbi, we refer

to the story of jacob who was never satisfied with who he was. the name jacob is derived from the root which means he'll. it was said the coming out of the womb jacob grabbed onto his mother's heel in an attempt to be the firstborn. eventually jacob cheated out of his birthright. later he saw two very the youngest daughter rather than the oldest, whereby tradition should have been read first. as jacob was a person who was never satisfied with who he was. always thinking another place that any vessel with the angel of god and was given a new name, his divine name, which is israel, which means he struggles with god. what sarah hated about herself was her different, which was stamped on her body and loaded her with handicaps which she refused to see as handicapped. but which made every simple task in her life arduous, from getting groceries to getting to

school and work, to getting others to take her seriously. but this difference which she hated was her true gift. because it cost her to understand and identify with others who were different. and which inspired her remarkable compassion for them. her life profession was working with autistic children. beginning with her niece, mariah. as a journalist she wrote a pioneering story about hermaphrodites and championed their cause, defend their right not to have doctors decide to abdicate their genitals when they were infants in the interest of their own good. she wrote letters on behalf of political prisoners and she wrote letters to criminals in jail to give them a human contact. working with the american jewish world service, and despite a difficult jihad when it came to navigating any distance, or overworked heart, or gastrointestinal problems that ravaged her body, she went to el salvador to help christians who had been wiped out in a

hurricane come to india to uganda where she lived in a mud floor hut without electricity to teach the children of the tribe of african jews to read and write. this was sarah's divine name. it might have will have been denver. the first woman profit and judge. at her bar mitzvah, sarah had read the story of denver as a store and it was deborah who provided her with her favorite say, justice, justice you shall pursue. the code of sarah's life was a repair of the world. or a healing of the world. it is often associated with social justice. it was both a bond and a vote of contention between us, that i will come back to in a moment. before that i want to describe what this meant to sarah. her rabbi had written were all

connected. we are one. each of us is created in the divine image and other peoples suffering is our own. therefore, we have no choice but to try to heal it. in a parallel vein, sarah wrote at the heart of judaism, as abraham's vision of oneness, the idea that we are all deeply connected. i think that's at the heart of things for those of us who pursue social justice. her congregation had undertaken an obligation to cook a meal for the homeless every month at the hamilton family center on a street in san francisco. sarah volunteered to organize it. for years she climbed on the bus every month to go across town to prepare a meal for 60 homeless people. she went on the internet to learn how to make meet dishes because she was a vegetative that she did because she was there to serve him and that's what they want.

if this was her way to heal the world, i was all for it. in other contexts, however, this was a friction between us. whenever we passed a homeless person on the street, said it would reach into her pockets and take out someone to give to them. this despite the fact that she herself was quite poor. i come on the other hand, couldn't quite bring myself to do that. i saw the homeless as a political problem. they needed psychiatric care and programs to do with substance abuse. i also resented the strapping young goodman and much better shape than i was who were asking me to support them. my thought was, i support enough people on already, why should i support you? but i didn't like the attention with my daughter. her disappointment that it didn't reach into my own pockets to do. so to heal our world, i change my behavior. and whenever we encountered a homeless person, i now reach down into my own pocket and

gave, too. and that brought a smile to my daughter's face. that was its own reward for me. after she was gone i went over the papers she had left, and discovered this note scrawled in longhand on the back of one of the pages she had left from her unfinished writings. once in a protest put on by religious witness for the homeless, names of all those who had died that year on san francisco streets were red. a simple yet powerful act that says you are known. and i felt something i rarely feel and stage events like this. true grief for the simple acts of love. clothing, food, shelter. when i lived in the nation i gave spare change freely to my homeless neighbors. years after i moved, i rode the bus with a woman who remembered that i used to give her change in front of the rainbow grocery.

i had not recognized or because she was completely transformed. she had found a job in the place to live. not everyone has the capacity to transform their lives as this woman did. but i believe we all remember those we clothed when merkel. my daughter was an extraordinary person. now that i have time to reflect on her life, i am struck by how fiercely she had a sword or a own independence and and refusal to be defeated by her handicaps. or to turn them into excuses. yet when she was confronted by others who surrendered to their own weakness, she was not resentful. but extended a hand to them. i also think about that woman she helped. and now believe that on the off chance that there is even one person who might be helped or whose they might be made lighter by such a chair do, it is worth

it. not all our conflicts are political. some you might called parental. as i've already noted, my daughter was quite poor. she worked most of her life as a preschool teacher's aide which made her next to nothing. consequently, she lived in bad neighborhoods that cost her parents no end of concern. at one point she moved into a one bedroom apartment on julian street in a crime-ridden section. one of her roommates remembers the neighborhood with a mixture of humor and this may. used to call our alley the drugstore. there were tears on the corners and hookers performing whatever they were doing in the street always smelled like urine. around the corner on 16th street there was a bar which was a gathering place for transvestites who drove u up and blow right at that one time our apartment was burglarized and stare lost a pair of earrings and some deodorant at a magazine my mother had left was missing which led us to believe that whoever it was high on something

because they stole some pretty strange things. understandably, sarah's mother and i had sleepless nights over our daughter's situation, but there was no way to rescue her. even the assistance we thought we provided was not always taken as i was to discover later. among the items zero left behind were stacks of letters. when i looked through the ones that came from a, i discovered a note i had sent to the julian street address. it read, dear sir, i know you're hurting a little for cash. i hope this helps, love, dad. inside the tone in the was a 500-dollar check i had placed there before i sent it. the postmark was may 4, 1990. the check had never been cached. my daughter was a talented writer and while she was living on julian street, sydney a chapter from a novel she had been running which gave me a parental idea. as she finished the novel, it might be the path to better paying career. one with health benefits, which

were sorely lacking in her present job that even as she was able to our clinic as a novelist, there were other jobs, editing, teaching, to which this could provide a day would. so i called her and told her my plans, and also urged her to write faster so she could produce a volume of work, which i knew from my own experience was what agents and publishers were looking for. when i suggested this, it was a silence on the other end of the line. i realize i probably pushed too hard. i discovered how hard what i didn't get to see another page of the novel for the next 20 years. i discovered why, when she told me about a story she had written and read in public. and i asked her why she hadn't shown it to me. there was a silent beep, and then she said, right after. rabbi lou was her counsel and guide and in helping her to wrestle with her unhappiness, which she described as social

anxiety, fear, frustration, and anger. loop try to guide her to a place where she would accept herself and try to feel that she was exactly who she was supposed to be. and exactly where she was supposed to be. and a notebook she kept, she wrote down her innermost fear. i really was scared of going to this place where i can't move and can't hear. in the same notebook she wrote, i woke up this morning and went into a rage because my ear and was feeding back. got myself quickly but it brought home how much anger there is around physical crap. also brought home that i am sleep deprived. went to meditation, or got on bus to go anyway. and when i got to my stop, i got off and saw that the light on geary was green already. so i waited because i can't run anymore. i just can't do it. the bus driver actually reopen the bus tour to tell me to

cross. what is it, his business? it in raged in the that and then she wrote, i feel sometimes that the whole universe thinks i am too slow. and i am slow. i walk slow. i hear slow. i even think slow. i was sitting in meditation thinking about this, trying to breathe out, stay with my breath, but i kept coming back to think about what i would say to rabbi lou. when suddenly i saw him in my mind and heard his voice very clearly say, sarah, you are the one who is impatient with yourself. rabbi lou said we should all feel uniquely disable. he said that when you see someone the way they really are made in the image of god, this is healing. though i quote him too much, this is why sitting with him is so powerful. he makes me feel so good about myself, i feel almost guilty.

it's a love fest. i quote him. he validates me. i joke but i need that. i forget every day that i am exactly who i am supposed to be. rabbi lou said that i am a good practice for others. i force them to slow down. and then several, pop. she continued in her notes the major problem in my life is lack of romantic intimacy. major problems with myself is i am too slow. there's a way in which relationships continue after death or separation. my life will be no more address without a partner than with. every day i miss those i have loved, but also everyday i appreciate utterly and completely being single. i think so, walk slow, hear slow. was late to get my advanced degrees, and whatever else. but it now feels like just my rhythm.

i think it has allowed me to enjoy aging in a manner that few others can. i have come into my own in so many ways. at sarah's funeral, rabbi lou read a verse by a bullet ridden one of the lines of sarah jarrett most. this is my mantra. i have no idea i was going to be so crippled in death. but i was exactly the right place when it happened. my community of friends boo weekley up yesterday in amazing, amazing ways. love turns pain to medicine. when i think of my own political conflicts with my daughter come the chinese character for christ comes to mind. combines the characters for opportunity and danger. my god it was coming from a place of opportunity. and i from a place of danger.

in my younger days, i believe in a transformation of the world, and a healing that would achieve social justice. these dreams had come to grief when sarah was 10 years old, and my friend was murdered with a black panther party. in the progressive banker. in political community whose cause was social justice and to which i have devoted my activist life, now protected the murderers and pose a danger to my family and myself. the collapse of my political faith, which is also my moral compass, set off a personal crisis for several years later my marriage collapsed as well. would you moved out of the house, center was set, our younger sister, ann, told the there. but she didn't have much anger over the divorce. she was much more understanding and grown up about it that i. i was mad.