>> and now you claim our ride the mother of four military officers talks about within the go through times of deployment. she discusses her book be safe, loved mom with a senior writer for military times. >> welcome. i'm here today to discuss her

new book. .. so i began to write more. i would write about, you know being encouraged and for us to remember you know our roots. and ultimately i was asked to

become a moderator. so that start ad series of 14 years of me advising encouraging, supporting naval academy parents. through that time i had two more children who decided to apply and attend the naval academy. not only years went by, not only had children at the naval academy and now had them on active duty. kept saying you need to write this all down in a book you need to write this all down. and as our life continued in its twists and turns my husband after his airline declared bankruptcy, lost his pension i ended up working for an airline in afghanistan. i followed him and taught for a year in afghanistan. so i had this unique perspective of being a mom who had children deployed to afghanistan and now i was there in kabul at the same

time our youngest son, the rebel decided to join the military not through the naval academy but through army rotc and now i had four children, all serving. i had i had been in a war zone. when i came back, people kept saying you need to write this down. first i thought, oh, i will right it down for my family and so i did. and a parent from the list serve, said you need to do that more than this. he contact ad publisher. the result is, "be safe love mom." >> three go to the naval academy. one goes to the university of north dakota i believe and army rotc? >> right. >> they're all serving in different branches of service. >> right. >> how did that come about? >> when you go to the naval academy you can service select the navy or marine corps. there are limited number of opportunities to cross commission. my daughter ended up cross-commissioning to the air force primarily she wanted to

try to fly and she had a medical condition, that precluded her from doing that in the navy but air force had different standards. shed done exchange at the air force academy. she was also very interested in space. so she was allowed to make that cross-commission. it was a total fluke that we end up with children in every branch. it was never intentional. but you know it's kind of fits with each of their passions and what they wanted to do in the active duty military service so. >> who do you feel your audience is for this book? >> well my first audience is military moms. i would say i speak for the moms and dads. i get these emails from dads saying, what about us? i said well you know, i know that you care just as deeply about your children. but my first audience is moms that they know that they are not alone. that they can be encouraged and

inspired. we can share information. and in my website, that is what i'm trying to do, is build community where moms can come to be supportive to find information. we don't get family readiness briefings. we don't live on post or a base. we don't get that support that comes from the traditional military. that is my first audience. my second audience is the greater community, to say, i want you to understand what this is like. i want you to realize that it's not the same as sending your children off to college. it, there are a lot of differences. and so i just want you to understand that there are people around you that are carrying a heavier burden than it may appear. it is what we do. we do it gladly because we love our country but it is still a heavy burden. so i have two two audiences i hope. >> you grew up in a military family.

your father served in the army, i believe? and went to vietnam. you write a little bit about your experiences as a military child with your father deploying. talk about that a bit? >> well i'm the oldest of seven, and i moved 17 times. i went to 12 different schools and my father was in the army signal corps. he actually met my mother when she was in the army as well. so i joke that my first military duty was giving my mother an honorable discharge because in those days you couldn't have a child and be a woman in the military. and so until, my father's first tour in vietnam he was an advisor. and i was eight years old. i really didn't have a concept what that meant, except halfway through was when there was the coup the military took over the government and we started sending in troops. so things changed very rapidly from then on. it was very difficult. you know, i hear a lot of

controversy now about should troops be thanked? yes, i'm like troops needs to be thanked. everyone need to be thanked. i grew up where i had to defend my father. even when i was in rotc in the late '70s on the campus of arizona state university, i was harassed cat called, and spit at when i wore my rotc uniform. i don't ever want to go back to those days needing to feel like you need to apologize or defend your parent because someone was calling them a baby killer. and that happened to me. now as i look at the way that this current generation of troops are being valued it is very heart-warming to me as a mother. i think it's i think it's a great thing. but i had six younger brothers and sisters. some of them really struggled with the constant moving. and it was a very difficult

time. on the other hand, there is no place where i feel more at home than on a base or a post. and there was connections between our families that were so tight because no matter where we were we had each other. maybe not my dad, but we had those, our siblings and my mom. and i really treasure that. i treasure the people that met because you don't have to waste time trying to fit in. everybody is ready to make a friend because we were all so transient. so that part of military life was really continues to be very special to me. >> i find it interesting that, and you grew up in that environment. then married somebody who was in the air force but he got out and then you moved to a small town in ohio a farm in ohio. and as a military spouse myself the whole concept of actually living in one place for a long,

extended period of time, to me is very frightening. so here you're, you're going to raise your children in one place for their most of their childhoods. talk about that transition. >> i thought that's what i wanted. i thought i wanted to know what it felt like to have stuff pile up in my basement and not have to pack one box of my special things every time we moved and there is there is a part of that that is very comforting and, you know, i know who my mechanic is. i know who my doctor is. but i in trouble all the time because i don't wave when people drive by. when you live in a place where you don't expect to know anybody, you're not looking in anybody's car, but when you live in small town america, everybody knows everybody. but the joke is, don't come into my house in the dark because i do mission -- miss moving and

being in new places. one of the way i would cope with that i would move furniture. i am not talking about the couch into a different corner. i might turn the living room into the dining room and move a bedroom around. my husband would come in at night, he wouldn't know which room to go to. that was a running joke. there are parts of it that are just wonderful and there are parts of it that i do feel like that dandy line that is the symbol for a brat. i'm ready to fly on and be in a new environment. >> well, how did that situation, that experience of growing up on a farm in ohio influence your children to go into the service, if it did, and you know, tell me a little bit what you thought when your son your first son talked about joining the navy?

>> well, one of the things we did, we lived in an area that is not predominantly military at all, very cu. people that are in the military but we had my dad who was, we spent a lot -- we were very fortunate because my husband flew for an airline so we would travel to visit them a lot. they heard the family stories. we would come to d.c. a lot. we had a family tradition to come to the memorial day concert every year. we did that for eight years. when the service songs would play, they would stand up for pop pop and stand up for dad. and we made sure that they knew their family legacy of service and that this was something to be valued. so they, they were exposed to that. at the same time my husband wanted them to learn how to work hard and be uncomfortable because he felt like that was preparation for life. if you can follow through and be responsible, work hard and endure discomfort there isn't a

whole lot that can be thrown at you that you can't handle. so they learned how to bale hay. they learned how to feed the animals before they were allowed to eat, all these things. ultimately when eric spent his first summer at the naval academy one of the letters we got home well this is a lot easier being at home baling hey. we succeeded. -- hay. we have him prepared. we knew from the time he was little boy he wanted to be "top gun." my brother-in-law was a navy recruiter and we would get boxes of posters and airplane pictures, and my husband was like, wait a minute. he will go into the air force. i was in the air force. but he just had that dream and that vision. and so as he got older we visited the academies. we looked at different options. and because he knew he wanted to be a military pilot.

so when he was accepted to the naval academy i was so excited and proud of him because he was realizing his, the beginning of his dream because there is a lot more to happen before he would get his wings. and at the same time it wasn't until that very first day induction day, even though i had grown up in the military and i understood it and respected it as an institution that first day, all of a sudden it hit me. that this was going to be totally different than any other military family experience that i had had up to that point. >> and you, up until that point, had you been involved -- i know there are listers, we have social media we have a lot, had you already been contacting naval academy parent up and to that point or were you aware of this sort of great, big parents

group that is out there? >> well back in the day there was that there was no facebook at that point in time. we had the list serve. once your child had an appointment you could participate. it was probably april. the kind of questions you asked were, you know what do they need to bring? what color tennis shoes do they need? all that minutia or a parent especially a mom, you're in control and make sure they have everything they need. that is part of reality once they it had that door, there is nothing else that i can do that is going to prepare them anymore than i already have. and now it's up to them. and that was for me very difficult, because, i waned to be able to do everything that i needed to do for them to be

successful but the apron strings were cut. but i say they're not just cut. they're hacked with a machete. now it was up to him. and he was going to sink or swim based on his passion and his ability to survive. that was, it was an immediate he is out of the nest moment. >> how much after hands-on parent were you prior? would you describe yourself as a helicopter mom? >> no. i call myself an eagle mom. we did a lot of things to have them be independent and to help them soar. and so, we didn't run interference for them when they had different you'lls. it was -- difficulties. you signed up for this. you're not quitting the team. you need to work it out. you need to show the coach what you can do. anything they were excited about or passionate about i was there

for them. i was driving them. they were all involved in different sports. they did community theater. katrina decided when she was 13 she wanted to climb to mount everest. i found an expedition she could earn money. me and my husband joined expedition when she was 16 she hiked mount everest less than what it cost to take our family to disneyland for less than but she raised money itself. i was kind of supportive, if that is what you want to do, go for it. i did not battles for them. i did not use my connections to help them improve their lot in life you know. my husband didn't coach, so they could get a better spot on the team. that is the perception when i think of the helicopter parent it is trying to smooth away

instead of letting people fight their battle because, that is how i knew that is how i still know they're okay. because i know they can fight these, whatever obstacle comes from their path. i know they have internal skills to handle it. now do i feel like sometimes i'm standing on the sidelines biting my fingernails you know cheering them on? of course. but i need to have confidence that they're prepared for what is in front of them. my husband's goal was creates an environment where independence and hard work was going to pay off. and sometimes it wasn't there. sometimes, you know, things happened where i really wanted to get more involved but i held myself back because that wasn't going to help them. so now what i tell fellow naval

academy parent, i say, a helicopter parent you create helicopter parents when you don't get people enough information. part of my goal is to give them information about what to expect. because when i know what to expect i can relax and ease off and not hovering. i say that to my grown children if you don't want me hovering, give me some things of information. i just need to know that you're okay. if you tell me you're okay then i don't need to hover. now it boils down to, once every two months especially when they're deployed. i don't expect to hear from them every day or, you know. i'm grateful, i'm grateful for secondhand news from their spouses. >> right. >> when i know that all i need to know is it's okay then i back off.

>> so it is not so much a how-to parenting book but it is sort of a how to navigate this new world and culture that is the military. you had a background in you know, being in the military family. you probably encounter every day people that think it is completely foreign country. talk about a little bit about the unique culture that is the military family and how sort of hard it is to convey to brand new parents brand new people whose kids just enlisted or went to the naval academy or west point? how do you sort of, help them navigate this new world? >> well, i do a series, and now we have a facebook page where i also you know write. i do a series called, plebe 101 for new naval academy parents but it is pretty much basic truth. for example in the military

rules there are rules. rules are not made to be broken. i used to teach in junior high and high school environment and most of my student there are not used to that kind of environment where a rule means it is a rule. so, for example, i grew up only walking on sidewalks, never walking on the grass. that is the second nature to me. that was part of military order and discipline. so the first thing is to explain that concept of military order and discipline. that whether you, whether you think it's a stupid rule or not or whether you want to express your individuality or whatever, there is reason we need uniformity. there is a reason why we need a chain of command and there is a reason why we need to follow that for good order and discipline and every military unit in the world has to have that basis. so explain to parents, doesn't matter if your plebe thinks the upper class is stupid they still need to do what they say

because they're modeling behavior later on in a time of war or a difficult time, they need to be able to count on people doing what they're supposed to do when they're told to do it. it is just basic truth. people who didn't grow up in the military many times don't have the confidence in the institution that i have growing up in it because, as you get older and you look back you see a reason, a method in the all the madness. why should people be trained to behave this way? because there are times when it's critical that they need to follow procedures. i go back to, you know, my son now flies an f/a-18. my husband fly as 767. they have procedures that they have to follow in the event of a emergency to the letter in order to keep everyone on board or keep themselves safe. it is the same thing. so many things that they do in

the military are with nuclear weapons or they have men and women in their command that they're responsible for. there is a reason why you need to follow the rules and follow procedures. and so it begins with that. the second part especially when they're in a training environment is what are they going to be doing three years, four years, 10 years from now? if they're training to become officers, they are going to be responsible for other people potentially in life-or-death situations. it is morn for them to be pushed to their limits. to know that they can perform even in the most difficult circumstances. so that's why they scream. that's why they do these things that seem ridiculous because they need to know that they can be unemotional in a time when most people would melt down. and so, as we go through these different phases then we get to

the hardest one of all which is, you absolutely have no control over anything from now on. you can counsel. you can give advice. but if they have a medical problem, the military is going to take care of it. if they have at leadership problem, they need to go through the chain of command to take care of a situation they're dealing with. and that is probably the most difficult part of all of it. is, you can't call the counselor. >> i think i would see that as a great relief wow, my job's over. you don't. >> well. i do now. i do now. in the very beginning the first time i went through it, it was a shock. now i am relieved. i don't have that to worry about. i have enough other things that i need to worry about but for many new parent that or that

when their daughter hits a bump in the road or get a phone call or text message that says this guy is doing this whatever, just like when they went on the bus the first time, what do you want to do? you want to get in there and fix it and you can't anymore you can't because it's not appropriate. and it's what they need to take care of. and so that is one of the hardest parts. i think it coincides with a time for a lot of women when their nest is starting to empty and then we start to redefine who we are. our role as mother changes. i think parenting adults, because you still parent. your parents are still parenting you if they're still alive, is really hard. there is no what to expect when you're expecting you know parenting an adult child. so that is when mother-in-law

jokes come from. how do we navigate this new world, especially when we have children that are fiercely independent warriors? you know. but they're still, they will always be my child. you know. not maturity level, but biologically so. >> let's talk about the experience of having your troops your children, go into combat zones, war zones. a military at war. in the beginning there were discussions about obviously there are programs for families. there are programs for spouses. there is seminars. there is family readiness programs. there are whole unit programs to help spouses but parents, are sort of left out of that, that

close knit community. what was that like for you? and how did what did you do to sort of build your own community with other parents? >> there is something -- the first time one of them went to a dangerous place i felt like i was swimming underwater for a good part of that time, partly because i had been there before. i had my dad. i experienced that as a child. it was kind of like a deja vu experience for me. i don't sleep well when i have the child in the circumstance. i wake up in the middle confident night. i will have bad dreams. i decided very quickly instead of responding to that i needed to be proactive to help manage

the way that felt because, i knew i had four of them and i knew i would be doing this a lot. i have a deep personal faith that helps me a lot. i learned it was good to be busy and busy doing something different. each deployment i had some kind of a project. i logged as many miles as he it would take to be deployed and come back? >> you mean runningwise? >> it would be very loosely described as running. i am a waddle on athlete. i completed the marine corps marathon in 2003 in 7 hours, 4 minutes, 56 seconds. there were no drinks, oranges and very pew people left at the finish line when i crossed but that is the kind that is one example of a challenge that i

used to help myself manage the stress of having having a child deployed. i also started to knit. i started to knit when my youngest one was playing football. i didn't want to be a parent screaming on the sidelines. i realized if my hands were busy i keep my mouth thought. i use it as meditation replacing nervous energy. then i try to actively pray for each of my kids, some of other things that i do. that i planted a blue and gold garden. so i get outside. it is silly. i try to take care of myself. i give myself permission to take a 20-minute nap, or understand really i'm walking around with an extra weight i call it my

mom backpack it is there the second something happens. i hear something on tv news about afghanistan or something about an aviation crash, i am on red alert because that might be one of my kids. and it has been one of my kids dearest friends. as those lists build and deploy again, the backpack is heavier, but finding connections with other military parents who get it having that person that can call at 2:00 in the morning and say, i just had the worst dream,. my husband is very calm. my husband -- and he is a great weight for me, but he doesn't worry about anything. sometimes just talking to another mom and we're both like

you know, it is so helpful. that is one of the reasons why, i really wanted to reach out to other parents because, we don't have a really that we need to be connected because we find support in that. and just like my daughter-in-law's and my son-in-law when they're on base or post, they have that unit already there. they have family readiness briefings. like you said, we don't have that. how can we build that network and find that support because i'm just as worried as their spouse is. >> when, when you were young your mom sent you to, you went to an outward bound program i guess when your dad was deployed. would your parents describe you as worried personality a worrier beforehand? >> i don't think it was a worrier. i was very responsible. i carry a huge weight, i still

do, huge weight of responsibility in my family. my sister was born a year and a week after i was, and i was already helping her around helping my mom. and i would not, at that time i would never admit it to you that i was worried about my dad ever. writing this book in some ways has been hard. we don't talk about how hard things are. we just suck it up. that is my family. i think she knew i need ad break and i needed to do something that would just give me a way to define myself as a young adult. it was a great thing. it was a great thing that i did it. >> out of the four branches that your children serve in does any of them stand out being more

accommodating to parents or doing more for parents. when people are in garrison, there doesn't tend to be a lot of communication or need for it. in predeployment workouts and then while you're gone does any of the services? >> when my son, i still have a bachelor son but when my, when my first son was a bachelor he turned my name in to the family readiness. so i at least got the, i atat least to the bulletins but really nothing. everything depends on, for the ones that are married what they convey to me, and that's why i tell my fellow moms be really nice to your daughter-in-laws because -- and i totally agree that they should be the first in line for information and they

should be the one that gets most of the communication. that is how it needs to be. i just like i said, i'm grateful for whatever they pass along to me especially when they're in situations where they don't have a chance to communicate to multiple people which happens. >> there are interesting bits of wisdom you pass on in this book. i picked up on one that is not under your list of tips but your husband and you wait, you go visit before well beforehand they go on deployment. i guess when there is homecoming you wait a few days and go to see them afterwards. that space is so vital to spouses but many parents don't do that. >> i know. >> where do your tips come from? and you know, is it just experience that you have learned

this? it's experience. communicating with other military parent. it is growing up. i remember when it felt like my dad left and it wasn't driving. he came home, went to get in the car he just about had a heart attack. there are some changes or some things that happen in six or nine months that changes your family dynamics. you really, it is like a plant that has to be cultivated and being gone really hurts the plans. when they come home you really need time for them to regroup. i guess for me -- my husband went to afghanistan in 2008 and was there for almost four years and for two years i was at home and he was only coming home every six months. so.

i had a fresh experience how that feels and how hard that is. when i was in afghanistan trying to maintain communication and relationships with just my immediate family is so exhausting. i maybe have a higher level of appreciation for how pressure that time is? well i would love to come to a homecoming, they need to invite me. i will never just go because that is a precious family time. that is that nuclear family time that we're no longer in the nuclear family. for a lost moms, that's hard. that is where mother-in-law jokes come from. in my situation sit is best.

i want their situations and challenges to help with comes to being married in a military family. >> you decided at one time to go to kabul and teach. walk me through that thought process and what inspired you to go do it? you have a chapter mention it in the book. >> my husband lost his pension and raised age of airlines pilots to 65. he retired. no airlines would bring back those pilots. 2800 of them were left at the curb. only place they could go was overseas. he ultimately took a job with safi airways, which was afghan airline. he was very excited about it. they were building to international standards.

he had flown to vietnam. it was perfect end to his career. he got to teach again in his '60s. i went to visit him. it was the first summer where all the children were launched and i went to visit him. it was we were taken on a tour and on the city and also throughout the countryside. at that point more and more of my children's friend were deploying to afghanistan. it was really, it was not a good time. i felt drawn into the country because the afghan people are some of the most hospitable on the planet. i was at karga where they had the little terrible attack last

year. small children were on the side of the road begging. i looked at this little guy and in his eyes an nothing i could give him. maybe if i could get a teacher and come and teach, what is going to change is going to be education. that is the key to change in any country, is as people become more educated. seemed like a crazy idea. but then. it gripped me the purpose of the school was to teach english to afghan students so they could go on to go to europe or the united states to go to college and come back to afghanistan. as luck would have it they needed anatomy and environmental science teacher which i happen to be able to teach. i ended up securing a position. it meant giving up my tenured

teaching position. it meant being, you know 55 years old and totally you know, doing something radical. but i just really felt called to do it. and so i found myself a headscarf and toes covered and. >> you weren't able to live with your husband? >> no. i was hoping to see him more. obviously as luck would have it i saw him once a month the whole time. he was flying between dubai and kabul and frank fourth further. i -- frankfurt. the school was in the western part of kabul an airport was over here. to get from here to here you had to drive through the downtown area of kabul which is very dangerous.

so many times security concerns were i couldn't leave. or might take three hours for him to navigate and he only had a 12-hour layover. it was literally many times he was over there and i was here and i couldn't see him. that was difficult. i call it my deployment year. but for me it felt like a fraction what it must feel like to be deployed. be away from home, from anybody that knows your history to be in a place with no central heat very little hot water. no mail and it was a rough year and bad things happened very bad things.

>> you were obviously inspired to go help children over there and teach children. but earlier you said you also love to have information. and in the book. part of your afghanistan stint was getting some information. knowing what was going on how do you as a parent can't run off to afghanistan get that information? >> well i wouldn't recommend running off to afghanistan at this point either. it's a different time and different place even from when i was there. finding books or reading books about that particular area. i don't know that much about africa and the dynamics.

i don't know -- i know more about the middle east. read some of the history that has gone what's beyond so you can understand. look it up and figure out the physical geography. a number of people will talk to me about the sandbox kandahar is in the sandbox but kabul is very much like denver surrounded by the high mountains in the hindu kush. try to learn about it. but not from the spin that you get on a news news kind of show. investigate about it, learn about the history so you can understand. the next piece is learn about the people. most people in afghanistan are not taliban. a lot of people care about their families. that is drew from afghanistan or bank la.

-- bangladesh. most people in the world want their children to have a bert life and that is our humanity. my advice is become a educated parent and understand where your children are. our boys have been in asia. i never knew much about okinawa but i know a lot more because i make myself a student of where they are. >> interesting. you went to the book about being at bangladesh. >> so many stories. >> what did you do over there? >> my husband transferred in august of 2011 transferred to an airline in bangladesh. so we went there -- there are things as a woman in afghanistan and there are cultures cultural prescriptions, i couldn't walk

out by myself. i always had to be with a man. even with the security concerns i had very little flexibility. with bangladesh i could walk the streets of bangladesh which was like heaven to me. dakar, are you kidding me? the market. we just you know met so many wonderful, friendly people. and, it, we were very sad to leave bangladesh actually. our kids were like okay time to come home, we're having grandkids. so, but and i never thought i would do any of these things. i mean we had a farm in ohio. and we're going to retire to arizona where we met. and, you know, we were going to like normal people. >> so speaking of that, not knowing what you're going to do when you get, when you know, what is going to happen in your life, you sent a christmas card

one year to the the obamas. >> yes. >> and tell us, tell us what happened after that? >> well because i care so much about much about military families not just my own children as i watch parents make that adjustment, as i watch our young sons and daughters start getting married and start having babies, i know how it feels to be struggling to hold down the home front if you're a young wife or, i worry about my grandchildren and how they cope. so i was always on the radar for anybody who is doing anything to support military families and i started following joining forces. i thought what a great idea. this is bringing back everybody that can do their part. whether it is businesses. whether it is universities and health care. doing research on brain trauma. this is a we need to be able to

support all of these young men and women who have gone to serve and their families. what a great idea. you know my daughter-in-law is a nurse. so the portability of licenses. my mom had to get a new teaching license every place we were stationed and had to take arizona history and virginia history and so i just thought this is phenomenal. i'm just growing to write a thank you note and send a christmas card. and so i did. and that was actually when we were in bangladesh. i had come home for christmas. and i sent my christmas cards and went back to bangladesh for two months. i had this huge stack of mail. it was the height of the political campaigns and here was this calligraphyed envelope. i thought, wow they're doing some pretty fancy political, you know campaign literature. i almost didn't open it.

when i opened it, i was flabbergasted. i could not figure out why i would get an invitation to a state dinner at the white house. so the next morning, it was a monday and i called the number and i said, i have a question. yeah, you're invited. does this have anything to do with that christmas card? oh everyone in the white house has read your card. i'm like what did i say? i mean i was just floored. and, it was, it was, i called my husband. he was in bangladesh. i said you will have to come home. he said i think, are you all right? no really there is really an invitation here. so we got him home. of course what do i wear? i live in eastern ohio. i went to the mall. tried on every formal dress they had. had a whole chorus of sales girls with me. she so going to the white house. this is crazy.

and, all of sudden the day before the event i turned to my husband and i said we've been so busy thinking about what do we have to wear, what do we do, who will we talk to? we don't know these people. well it turned out we got there the very first person we saw was the former commandant of the naval academy when our boys were there. people were just so love live and -- >> that is general john allen. >> yeah. then senator lugar and his wife kind of adopted us. people were just great. and, so we were prepared to go and we had our camera. we would sit in the back in the corner so we could take pictures of all these important people. that is when we went through the receiving line and mrs. obama said, oh yes by the way, you're sitting with us tonight. i, who does that? you know. we're just, military parents. we have a farm.

i mean we were just blown away. and, which had a lovely night. >> now, i believe, did you, did you pick the purple dress? did you wear a purple dress? >> i wore a purple dress that night. >> explain to the viewers what that means. >> well purple is the color of joint forces, and when our daughter cross-commissioned to the air force, the commandant at that time he was then a captain. now he is ad myrl told me said you're the purple mom, you're the joint forces mom. and so i ended up picking a purple dress. then later on, when i was asked to introduce the first lady i ended up wearing a purple dress, one that i already had in my closet that just happened to be purple. and i signed when i do signings, i sign with a purple pen because i have four children, four branches but it

is kind of, even bigger idea that we all need to be a joint force to support our military and their families, because they stand in the gap for us every day. against enemies we know and enemies we don't know. so purple is right up there on my list of favorite colors. >> so you go to the state dinner. did you get involved with joining forces after that? or how did the then follow-on invite because you introduced the first lady at the democratic national convention in 2012? how did that come about? >> i you know what, i have no idea. i went back to doing my work with parents. and i had the opportunity to meet with the head of joining forces where he talked about their major initiatives. one which is women veterans and homelessness with women veterans. the other issue about ptsd. i was starting to become very

involved with learning more about ptsd because now, classmates and friends of my sons were starting to exhibit symptoms. what do you do when a mom calls you and says my son has ptsd and doesn't want to do anything with me. which is typically a first sign, isolation from people that you love. and so, but life was going on. we were, life had gone back to normal. it was a once in a lifetime event that i was kind of my cinderella story. i just kept on doing what i did. actually when i got a call i said it -- thought it was for tour tickets. i had my son coming out for reunion and asked if i could get a tickets for a white house tour. that is what i thought it was b ultimately they asked me to do

that i the first thing that happened, my husband said you know, they could have oprah. yeah they could, they could have anybody they wanted. and it was, it was obviously overwhelming. who, once again us does that. but i wanted to able to put a personal story with the extended military family community. for people to think about the fact that out here and whether we're moms or wives or husbandschildren, we sacrifice every day. and i decided to say yes. that was a whole other experience. it was really. it was really, i couldn't help thinking what my dad would be

saying? i pictured him watching from heaven. hey, dad, i hope i'm doing okay, so. >> you talked about ptsd and tbi, starting to get calls and questions. you know, how have you approached that? what have you done to sort of learn about those topics, and to, to be a source of advice for other, other moms other dads and how prevalent do you see the issue being? >> well, you know being in kabul for that year there were things that happened when i was there that year that were very difficult and i watched the staff that i had worked with there, many of whom are suffering from delayed ptsd. one of the things that i learned from joining forces sometimes it can be up to seven years after a traumatic event. and, there was one circumstance where my husband's layover hotel

was attacked. i was on the phone with the flight attendants telling them what to do because they were barricaded in their rooms. he was coordinate as rescue. this all sounds like a movie. like i said, this is, i feel like it is not even my life sometimes but, you know for them to feel safe to come out. so we went through a traumatic event, destress event where you talk through it and whatever. so that triggered my interest in the beginning. then as more and more moms are starting to be concerned, as my children are getting concerned about classmates or people that they know, i just started to do what i like to do where i started to research and i started to learn more and as an educator i'm very fascinated about the brain. i took a annenberg course neuroscience education. the brain is plastic, constantly rewiring constantly changing.

and so my counsel to parents who are concerned to point them to certain organizations especially anything about suicide. i love taps. and for grief counseling, and now, i just had the opportunity to go to the institute of brain health in university of texas where they're doing a lot of research. and my big push is, we need as much funding as we can to get more. this is the last frontier. more we understand about the brain, not only help those suffering from ptsd and tbi, but mental health, learning problems. it is an enormous, enormous opportunity, almost like going to the moon. i think so much of what we're doing now we're reacting to

behaviors. we need to practice holistic approach. what can we do to find the area that has been damaged and fix it. and so, i really am hoping that we can see great strides in that. >> there is speaking of injuries wounded warriors, tbi there is a whole subset of parents, really the caregivers. >> yeah. >> it is also spouses and sometimes friends but a large, a lot of times somebody, a mom has sent off her 18-year-old child. it has come back injured and they're going to be caregivers for a long time. have you seen, have you spoken with those parent? and what programs are there available for them? >> the book isn't just my voice but there a voice for 2500 moms. there is mom carrying for her son who has tbi.

she quit her job. she moved to washington d.c. when he was at bethesda and now what next? we have about a million caregivers, if only a third of those are parents, and many of them are coming from areas where they haven't had the benefit of a military background to understand, you know what services are available to them. and their whole lives have changed because they have they now are taking care of these terribly-wounded children. and so bluestar families. i love bluestar families. they have a caregivers program with caregiver conferences. uso also has them. so that's where i point people get connected. find, find other caregivers because another thing is, people don't realize, that caregivers are at much more risk for suicide as well. we have this terrible epidemic of veteran suicides but caregivers, if you have somebody in your community that is a

caregiver, you really you need to be showing up at their door saying what can i do to help you? this is a lifelong role that they are going to have. that is another thing close to my heart. i wrote, we send perfect children to war and some of us come home with sons and daughters we don't even recognize. and we need to see, be helping them supporting them, and, i pray for them every day. >> you you write about bluestar families which you know, is an association of people who have family members in the military. and you talk a little bit about gold star moms, gold star mothers. and gold star mothers are, those who have lost son or daughter. very inspirational story in here about a mom who is a gold star

mother, who is also a naval academy mom. would you like to sort of touch a little bit on that? >> yeah. that i got to know her when she was a plebe mom and discovered that -- a lot of plebe moms have angst. the first big challenge your child is going through without you, and i as began to communicate with her, she has older son who lost in iraq and the younger son was five at the tom. the process of her coming to grips with the idea that she had this second son, who wanted to serve. and she tells the story, you know just, it is very meaningful and you know, now she is completely supportive of him. it was a really difficult journey for her. and, so, you know, i'm really

proud, i'm really proud of her for being willing to tell her story. >> well, we're coming to a close. is there anything else you would like to add just about your book and you know, where is it available? and who do you hope picks it up? >> well it is available online in all the major online retailers, amazon, barnes & noble. it is available, target has it online. it is available in costco selected costcos. it is available at exchanges. and it is available in barnes & noble. for example, i will be at fort hood on saturday doing a signing. >> with your purple pen. >> yes, with my purple penny encourage, if you are, if you're a service member or have been a service member, i encourage you to buy this book for your mom for mother's day to show you that value her support. . .