difficult. have less wars. >> there have been more fighters killed them civilians in afghanistan. >> you change most of your book so it would be his story not an american retelling it but you have a set of history and so much involvement with a story similar to what you write about so how much of this book that you would connect to your own experience? or how much is knowing people in these situations to go off of that with its own back story? >> when i am writing sometimes i feel it is so i obsidian staying in the

field of dry grass that is the high. and i am trying to make a fire. i obeying the flints together but to french -- to silence is a real experience that has happened to me. so we're trying to make sparks when i get right one will fly to light that field on fire. everything is on fire in my imagination but nothing can start without those two flints. they're not in the book just the field on fire but that is how to get the field going. does that make sense? >> thank you so much.

[applause] he has the train to catch. he will come to the front if you would like to get your book signed we will make time to do that. have a great evening. [applause] [inaudible conversations]

and now >> will come here to date to assess us the new booktv safe and, lowe's mom a military maugham story of courage and comfort answered by the life on the home front. we'll come to washington. >> thanks so much into be here to talk with me about it. >> host: tell me about your book "green on blue" never intended to write a book but in 2001 maya all this headed off to the naval academy there was the list

called they could communicate and to engage and connect. so i began posting and on 9/11 everything had changed he went to a peacetime navy and within a few short hours everything changed. so i began to write more about courage or remember your roots and alternately i became a moderator so that started 14 years to advisor and encouraging in support parents. but through this time had to march children here decided to apply and attends the naval academy's so as the years went by, not only did i have children at the naval academy but now on active duty.

everyone said you need to write this down. and as our life continue to twist and turn, mia husband's airlines declared bankruptcy and he lost his pension he worked for an airline in afghanistan i followed him and talked for one year over there i had a unique perspective to be a mom who had children to deployed in afghanistan and and all i was in kabul at the same time our youngest son, of the rabil decided to join the military not through the naval academy but through the rotc now i had four children all serving and i was in a war zone and when i came back, i was told to write it down i thought just for my family so i did in their parents said no. you need to do more than that so they contacted a

publisher. >> host: so with rigo to the naval academy one goes to the diversity of ruth dakota with rotc but all serving in different branches. how does that come about? image you can select the marine corps there is limited number of opportunities to cross all my daughter with crossed to the air force because she wanted to try a to fly and she had a medical condition precluded her in the navy but the air force had different standards she was also very interested in space so she could make that cross commissioned some it was a fluke we ended up with children in every branch. that was not intentional but it fits with each of their

passion is a of what they want to do with active duty military service. >> host: who'd you feel is your audience? >> my first audience is military moms. i say i speak for the moms and dads the dad say but about us? i know that you care as deeply but my first audience is the of mom. they know that they are not alone and they can be encouraged and inspired and we can share information. on my website that is what i am trying to do to build the community where they can find information because we don't get family readiness briefings will live on the base we don't get the support from the traditional military. that is the first audience the second is the greater community to say i want you to understand what this is like to realize it is not

the same as sending your children off to college. there is a lot of differences so understand people around you are carrying a heavier burden than what appears we do it gladly because we love our country but it is a heavy burden. so i have to audiences i hope. >> host: and you grew up in a military family your father was in the army i believe? and went to vietnam. you wrote about your experience has say military child. talk about that. >> guest: i am the oldest of seven and we moved 17 times with 12 different schools and my father was living in the core and met my mother when she was in the army as well. i joke first military duty

was to give her a military discharge in those days you cannot have a child and be in the military so my father was an advisor at eight years old i did not have a concept of what that meant except halfway through the military took over the government and we started to send troops so things change very rapidly. it was very difficult. you hear about should troops be sent and i say yes they do need to be thanked because i grew up where i had to defend my father. even in r.o.t.c. of the late '70s at arizona state university of his harassed and spat at what i would wear my uniform. i don't ever want to go back to those days when feeling

like you need to apologize and defend your parents because somebody called them a baby killer and that happened to me. so now nizolek at the way this current generation of troops are valued it is very heartwarming as a mother. i think it is a great thing. . .

to me it's very frightening, so here you are going to raise your children in one place for their, most of their childhood. talk about that transition. >> guest: i thought that's what i wanted. i thought i wanted to know what it felt like to be able to have stuff i looked in my basement and not have to pack one box of my special things every time we moved and there is a part of that that is very comforting and i know who my mechanic is.

i know who mike doctor is that i get in trouble all the time because i don't wave when people drive by. when you live in a place where you'd don't expect to know anybody you are not looking at anybody's car so when you live in small-town america everybody knows everybody. the joke is don't come into my house in the dark because i do miss moving and i do miss being in a place as the one of the ways i would cope with that is i would move furniture. i'm not talking about moving just the couch into the corner. i might turn the living room into the dining room and bedroom are browned. my husband would come in late at night and he wouldn't know which room to go to and that's always the running joke. but there are parts of it that are just wonderful and there are parts of it that i do feel like that and a lion that is assembled for a brat, i'm ready to fly on and be in a new

environment traded. >> host: how did that experience growing up in a farm in ohio and blanchard children to go into the service if it did and tell me a little bit about what you thought when your first son talked about joining the navy wax. >> guest: one of the things we did, we lived in an area that is not predominantly military at all, very few people were in the military but we had my dad who, we were very fortunate because my husband flew for an airline so we would travel to visit them a lot. they heard the stories. we would calm to them employed employed -- memorial day concert every year. we did that probably for eight years and when the service songs with play they would stand up for pop and they would stand up for dad so we made sure that

they knew their family legacy of service and this was something to be valued, so they were exposed to that and at the same time my husband wanted them to learn how to work hard and be uncomfortable because he felt that there was preparation for life. the fee. the peak of follow-through be responsible and work hard and endure discomfort there isn't a whole lot that can come out you that you can handle. they learn how to bale hay. they learn how to feed the animals before they were allowed to eat. all of these things so ultimately when eric spent the first summer at the naval academy one of the letters we got home is it's a lot easier than being at home bailing hay. so we thought we had been prepared but we knew from the time he was a very little boy he wanted to be the top gun. my brother-in-law was a navy recruiter and really get boxes

of posters and airplane pictures and my husband was like, he was in the air force and i was in the air force but he does have that tree man that vision. so as he got older we visited the academy. we looked at different options because he knew he wanted to be a military pilot, so when he was accepted to the naval academy i was so excited and proud of him because he was realizing the beginning of his dream as there was a lot more to happen before he would get his wings. at the same time it wasn't until that very first day, induction day, even though i had grown up in the military and i understood it and i respected it as an institution that first day all of a sudden it hit me that this

was going to be totally different than any other military family experience that i had had up to that point. >> host: and you up to that point had you been involved? i know there are listers and we have social media. have you argued in contacting naval academy parents up until that point or were you aware of this great big parent group that is out there? >> guest: back in the day there was no facebook at that point in time. we had the listserv and when a child had an appointment you could participate. so was probably april and the kind of questions you ask were what do they need to bring and what issues do they need. when you're a parent or especially imam you feel like you are in control because you are making sure they have everything they need and that's part of the reality of once they

hit that door there is nothing else that i can do that is going to prepare them anymore than i already have and now it's up to them. that was from a very difficult because i wanted to be able to do everything that i needed to do for them to be successful but the apron strings were cut. but they were not just cut, they were hacked with a machete. it was up to him and he was going to sink or swim based on his passion and his ability to survive. it was an immediate peace out of the nest moment. >> how much of a hands-on parent were you prior? would you describe yourself as a helicopter mom? >> no. i call myself an eagle mom. we did a lot of things to happen

the independent and to help them soar. so we didn't run interference for them when they had difficulty. you signed up for this, you are not quitting the team. you need to work it out. you need to show the coach we can do but anything they were excited about are passionate about i was there for them. they were all involved in different sports. they did community theater. katrina decided when she was 13 she wanted to climb mt. everest and i found an expedition that she could earn money. she and my husband joined an expedition when she was 16 climb to maude everest for less of a cost to take their family to disneyland that she raised the money herself so i was that kind of supportive comments that's what you want to do let's go for

it but i did not fight battles for them. i did not use my connection to help them improve their lot in life. my husband didn't coach so they could get a better spot on the team and that's the perception when i think of a helicopter parent trying to smooth the way instead of letting people fight their battles because that's how i knew and that's how i still know they are zero k.. i know they can fight, whatever obstacle comes in their path i know they have the internal skills to handle it to now do i like sometimes feel like i'm standing on the sidelines biting my fingernails? cheering them on of course but i need to have confidence that they are prepared for what is in

front of them and so that was my and my husband's goal was creating an environment where independent and hard work was going to pay off. sometimes it wasn't there. sometimes thing happened where you really wanted to get more involved but i held myself back because that wasn't going to help them. so now what i tell fellow naval academy parents is, i say a helicopter parent you create helicopter parents when he don't give people enough information so part of my goal is to give them information about what to expect. what i know what to expect that i can relax and ease off and i don't need to be hovering. i say the same thing tonight grown children. if you don't want me hovering just give me some crumbs of information. i just need to know you are okay. if you tell me you are okay then

i don't need to hover and now it oils down to, sometimes it's once every two months especially when they are deployed. i don't expect to hear from them every day. i am grateful for second hand is but one i know that all i need to know is it's okay. then i back off. so it's not so much a how-to parenting book but it is sort of a how to navigate this new world and culture that is the military and you had a background in being in the military family. he probably encounter every day people who think it's completely a foreign country. talk a little bit about the unique culture that is the military family and how hard it is to convey to brand-new parents and peoples kids who

just enlisted or went to the naval academy or a west point how do you help them navigate this new world? >> we have a facebook page where i also write. i do a series called sleep 101 for new naval academy parents but it's pretty much basic truth for example in the military the rules are the rules. rules are not made to be broken and i used to teach in a junior high and high school environment as my students there are not used to that kind of environment where rule means it's a rule. for example i grew up on the walking on sidewalks and never walking on the grass. that's just second nature to me. that was part of military order and discipline so the first thing is to explain that concept of military order and discipline where do you think it's a stupid rule are not or whether you want

to express your individuality or whatever your reasons -- is a reason why we need uniformity and the reason why we need the chain of command and there's a reason why we need to follow that for good order and discipline and every military unit in the world has to have that racists. so explaining to parents doesn't matter if you're lead thinks the upper class a stupid they still need to do what they say because they are muttering -- modeling behavior that later on in a time of war were difficult times they need to be able to count the people doing what they are supposed to do when they are told to do it. it's just a basic truth. people who didn't grow up in the military many times didn't have the confidence in me petition that i had growing up in it he can say she get older and you look back you see a method all the madness. why should people be trained to behave this way, because there

are times when it's critical that they need to follow procedure and i go back to my son now plays on a team. my husband buys a 767 and they have procedures that they have to follow in the event of emergency to the letter in order to keep everyone on board or keep themselves safe and it's the same thing. so many things that they do in the military are with nuclear weapons or they have men and women in their command that they are responsible for it. there's reason why you need to follow the rules and follow procedures. and so it begins with that. the second part especially when they're in a a training environment is what are they going to be doing for three years, four years, 10 years from now? if they are training to be officers they are going to be responsible for other people potentially in life or death situations. it's important for them to be pushed to their limit, to know

that they can perform even the most difficult circumstances. that's why they screen. that's where they do the things that seem ridiculous because they need to know that they can be unemotional in a time when most people would meltdown. so as we go through these different phases that we get to the heart is one of fall which is you have absolutely no control over anything from -- from now on. you can counsel and he can give advice but if they have a medical problem the military is going to take care of it. if they have a leadership problem they need to go through the chain of command to take care of the situation they are dealing with and that is probably the most difficult part of all of it, is you can't call the counselor.

>> host: i see that as a great relief. wow i job is over. you don't. these. >> guest: i do now, i do now. in the very beginning the first time i went there it was a shock now i am relieved i don't have that to worry about. i have enough other things that i have to worry about but for many new parents when their son or daughter hits a bump in the road and they get a phonecall or text message that this guy is doing this for whatever and is just like when they went on the bus the first time. what do you want to do? you want to get in there and fix it and you can't anymore. you can't because it's not appropriate and that's what they need to take care of. so that is one of the hardest parts and i think it also coincides at a time for a lot of

women when their nest is starting to empty and we start to redefine who we are. our role as mother changes. i think parenting adults because you still parent. your parents are still parenting you if you are alive is really hard create there is no what to expect when you're expecting is parenting an adult child. so that is where mother-in-law jokes come from. how do we navigate this new world especially when we have children that are fiercely independent worriers -- warriors but they will always be my child not maternity level but i logically. >> let's talk about. >> host: let's talk about the experience of having your children go into combat zones, were sons, military that is at war. you know in the beginning there

were discussions about obviously there are programs for families and there are programs for spouses. there are seminars and there are family readiness programs. there are whole unit programs to help spouses but parents are left out of that close-knit community. what was that like for you and what did you do to build your own community with other parents? >> there is something, the first time that one of them went to a dangerous place i felt like i was swimming underwater for a good part of that time. partly because i had been there before.

i have had my dad i experienced as a child so it was kind of like a déjà vu experience for me i don't sleep well when i have a child in that circumstance. i wake up in the middle of the night. i will have had dreams and so i decided very quickly instead of responding to that i needed to be proactive to help manage the way i felt because i knew i had four of them and they knew i was going to be doing this so i have a deep personal faith that helps me a lot but i also learned it was good for me to be busy and to be busy doing something different. each deployment i had some kind of a project. at one time i logged in as many miles as it would take to get to where he was deployed in back. >> host: do you mean running wyse?

>> guest: we would be -- it would be very loosely described as running. i did complete the marine corps marathon in seven hours, four minute -- four minutes and 66 seconds so there were no grapes and oranges and very few people left at the finish line when i crossed but that's one example of a challenge i used to help myself manage the stress of having a child deployed and i also started to knit. i started to knit when my youngest was playing football and i didn't want to be that parent on the sidelines screaming at the coach. i realized that my hands were busy i could keep my masha now what i do is the meditation with nervous energy and then i try to actively pray for each of my

kids. some of the other things i do is i planted a blue and gold garden so i have gotten outside and i really try, and i know it sounds kind of silly but i really try to take care of myself. i give myself her mission to take a 20 minute nap or to understand that really i'm walking around with an extra weight. i call it my mom backpack and it is they are because the second something happens i hear something on the tv news about afghanistan or hear something about an aviation crash. i am on red alert because that might be one of my kids and it has been some of my kids dearest friends. so as the list bills and as they deploy again the backpack gets heavier but finding connections

with other military parents who get it, having that person that i can call at 2:00 in the morning and say i just had the worst dream. my husband is very calm. my husband is a great weight for pay but he doesn't worry about anything so sometimes just being able to talk to another mom and we are both kind of like you know, it's so helpful. that's one of the reasons why i really wanted to reach out to other parents because we don't have -- we need to be connected because we find support in that and just like my daughter-in-law and my son-in-law when they are on base or post, they have that unit argued there. they have the family readiness briefings. like you said we don't have that so how can we build the network and find that support because i

am just as worried as their spouse is. >> host: when you were young you went to an outward bound program when your dad was deployed. with your parents have described you as a worrier beforehand? >> guest: i don't think i was a worrier. i was just very responsible. i carried a huge weight and i still do carry a huge weight of responsibility and my family. my sister was born the year and a week after i was and always helping her and helping my mom. i think she knew, and i would not at that time i would never have admitted that i was worried about my dad, ever. in fact writing this book in some ways has been really hard because we don't talk about how hard things are. we just up in my family.

but i think she knew i needed a break and i needed to do something that just would give me a way to find myself as a young adult and it was a great thing that i did it. >> out of the four branches your children serve in to any of them stand out as being more accommodating. her parents are doing more for parents especially during deployment time? obviously when people are in garrison that there does intend to be a lot of medication but in the pre-deployment workup and while they are gone, any of the service services? >> guest: i still have the bachelor son but when my first son was a bachelor he turned my name and to the family readiness so i at least got the bulletin.

but really nothing. everything depends for the ones that are married but they convey to me. at that point i tell my fellow moms be nice to your daughter-in-law's. i totally agree that they should be the first in line for information and they should be the one that gets most of the communication. that is how it needs to be. like i said i'm grateful for whatever they pass along to me especially when they are in situations where they don't have a chance to communicate to multiple people which happens. >> there are some interesting interesting bits of wisdom that you pass on this book. i try to pick up on one that was not on the list of tips but your husband and you go visit

beforehand, well before they start deployment. i gather when there is a homecoming you wait a few days and then go see them afterwards. many parents don't. where do your tips come from and is it just experience that you have learned this? >> guest: its experience and communicating with other military parents. it's growing up. i remember what it felt like when my dad left and he came home and when i get in the car he about had a heart attack. there are so many changes in so many things that happen in six months or nine months that changes your family dynamics and you really, it's like a plan that has to be cultivated and being gone really hurts the

plan. so when they come home you need to have time or you can just kind of regroup. i guess for me you know, my husband went to afghanistan in 2008 and was there for almost four years and for two years i was at home and he was only coming home every six months. so i had a fresh experience of how that feels and how hard that is and when i was in afghanistan trying to maintain communication and relationships with just my immediate family it's so exhausting. so i have maybe a high level of appreciation for how precious that time is and while i'd love to come to homecoming they need to invite me. i will never just go, because that is precious family time and that's that nuclear family time.

i appreciate the fact that we are no longer in the nuclear family. for a lot of moms that's hard to read like i said but i think especially in my situation it's the best because i want their marriages and their families to thrive despite the challenges that comes with being a military family. >> host: you are a teacher and you decided at some point to go and teach. walk me through that thought process and what inspired you to do it? you do have a chapter reimagine the book. the. >> guest: as i said my husband had lost attention and they raised the age of airline pilots to 65 and no airline pilot would drink back any of those pilots.

there were 2800 of them that ended up being left kind that the curb and the only places they could go was overseas. he ultimately took a job with an afghan airlines and decided, we decided -- he was very excited about it and they were rebuilding it to international standards and he had flown in vietnam so it was super into his career. he got to teach people rocket avoidance again in his 60s and i went to visit him. it was the first summer where all the children were launched and i went to visit him and it was the summer of 2009. we were taken on a tour within the city but also in the countryside. by that point more and more of my children's friends were deployed to afghanistan and it was really, it was not a good

time, but while i was there i just felt drawn in to the country and to the people because the afghan people are some of the most hospitable people on the planet. ..

it meant being 55 years old and totally doing something radical. i really felt called to do it. i found myself in a headscarf and my toes covered and off i went to afghanistan. >> and you weren't able to live with her husband? >> no. i was hoping to see him more,

and as luck would have it, i saw him once a month the whole time. he was flying between dubai and frankfurt. i know it sounds ridiculous but the school was 8 miles from the airport in the airport was over here. to get to hear to hear you had to drive through the downtown area of kabul which is very dangerous and so many times security concerns were that i couldn't leave or it might take three hours for him to navigate and he only had a 12 hour layover. so it literally was, many times, he was just over there and i just couldn't see him. that was very difficult. i call it my deployment year. i'm year. i'm not saying i was deployed but for me, it felt like, a

fraction fraction of what it must feel like to be deployed. to be away from home and a be away from anybody who knows your history. to to be in a place with no central heat very little hot water, no mail and it was a rough year. there were bad things that happened. there were very bad things. >> you said you were obviously inspired to go help children over there and help children. earlier you said you also loved to have information. in the book, part of your afghanistan stint was getting some information, knowing what was going on. how do you as a parent, if you can't run off to afghanistan, how, how do you get that information? >> well, i wouldn't recommend

running off to afghanistan either. it's a different time and different place even then one i was there. i think reading, finding books and finding information about that particular reason. i think many of us have sons and daughters going to africa and most of us, i don't know that much about africa and the dynamics. i know a lot more about the middle east. read about some read about some of the history of what has gone on. look it up and figure out what the physical geography is. the number of people that talk to me about the sandbox, kabul is very much like denver surrounded by the high mountains. try to learn about it but not from the stand you get from a news show. investigate and learn about it.

learn about the history so you can understand and learn about the people. most people in afghanistan are not taliban. a lot of people just care about their families and that's true from afghanistan to bangladesh. same thing. most moms in the world want their children to have a better life. that's our humanity. that's what i recommend. become an educated parent and understand where your children are. when our boys were in asia, i never knew much about okinawa but now i know a lot more because i make my self a student of where they are. >> you mentioned in the book that you went to bangladesh.

what did you do over there. >> my husband transferred in august of 2011. he transferred to an airline in bangladesh so we went there. for me, there are things as a woman in afghanistan, there are cultural prescriptions for how you can behave. i couldn't walk out by myself. i always had to be with a man. there were also securities concerns and i had very little flexibility. in bangladesh i could what the streets of bangladesh which was like heaven to me. people were like are you kidding me? we went to the market and we just met so many wonderful friendly people. we were very sad to leave bangladesh, actually. but our kids were like it's

okay, work having grandkids and it's time for you to come home. so i never thought i would do any of these things. we had a farm in ohio and we were going to retire to arizona where we met. we were going to be like normal people. >> speaking of not knowing what you are going to do and what's going to happen in your life, you sent a christmas card one year to the ed obama's. telus what happened after that. >> because i care so much about military families and not just my own children, as i watch our young sons and daughters get married and start having babies and i know how it feels to be struggling to hold down the home front if you are a young wife.

i worry about my grandchildren and how they will cope, but i was always on the radar for anyone who is doing anything to support military families. i started joining forces and i was like, what a great idea. this is not political this is about bringing everybody who can do their part. whether it's universities and healthcare doing research on brain trauma, we need to be able to support all these young men and women have gone to serve and their families. what a what a great idea. my daughter in law is a nurse. the portability, my mom had to get a new teaching license every place we went. i just thought this is phenomenal and i'm going

to write a thank you note and send a christmas card. so i did and that was when we were in bangladesh. i had come home for christmas and i sent my christmas cards and i went back to bangladesh for two months and i got home and i have this huge stack of mail. it was the height of the political campaign and here was the calligraphy envelope. i thought wow, they are doing some pretty fancy political campaign literature. i almost didn't open it. then when i opened it, i was flabbergasted. i could not figure out why i would get an invitation to a state dinner at the white house. so the next morning, it was a monday, i called the number and i said, i have a question. they said yeah, you're invited. i said i said does this have anything to do with a christmas card? she said everyone in the white house had read your

letter. i was just floored. what did i say? i called my husband and he was in bangladesh. he said you. he said you will have to come home. he said, are you all right? i said really, there's an invitation here. he got home and what do i wear, i live in eastern ohio and went to the mall and tried on every formal dress they had. she's going to the white house and this is crazy. all of a the sudden, the day before the event i turned to my husband and i said, we have been so busy thinking about what do we have to wear and what do we do, who are we going to talk to? i said we don't know these people. well, it turned out that when we got there, the very first person we saw was the commander from

the naval academy when our boys were there. people were so lovely. >> and that was john allen. >> yes then senator lugar and his wife kind of adopted us. people were just great. we had our camera and we were going to sit in the back in the camera so we could take pictures of all these important people. that's when we went through the receiving line and mrs. obama said yes, by the way, you are sitting with us tonight. and i thought, who does that. we are just military parents. we have a farm. we were just blown away. we had a lovely night. >> did you picked the purple dress? did you wear a purple dress? >> i wore a purple dress that night. >> explained to the viewers what that means. >> purple is the color of joint forces and when our daughter cross commissioned into the air force, the kaman annan at that time said you're the purple mom,

you're the joint forces mom. i ended ended up picking a purple dress and later on when i was asked to introduce the first lady i was wearing a purple dress, one that i already had in my closet that just happened to be purple. i sign with the purple pen because i have four children in four branches. it's even a bigger idea that we all need to be a joint force to support our military and their families because they stand for us every day against enemies we know and enemies we don't know. so, purple is right up there on my list of favorite colors. >> so they, you go to the state dinner. did you get in involved with marine forces after that? how were you introduced as the

first lady at the democratic national convention in 2012? how did that come about? >> you know what, i have no idea. i went idea. i went back to doing my work with parents and i had the opportunity to meet with the head of joint forces where he talked about his major initiatives which was homeless veterans and women veterans and ptsd. i was starting to become very involved with learning more about ptsd because now, classmates and friends of my son were starting to exhibit symptoms. what you do do when mom called you and says my son has ptsd and doesn't want anything to do with me which is very typically, a first sign, which is isolation from people you love. life was going on. life had gone back to normal and it was a once-in-a-lifetime event that i was, kind of my

cinderella story, and i kept doing on what i did. actually, when i got a call i thought it was for a two or ticket. they said if you want to do a two or, and i knew i had a son coming up for a reunion and i had asked if i could get tickets for a white house tour. that's what what i thought it was about. then when ultimately they asked me to do that, the first thing that happened was my husband said, they could have oprah. i said yeah they could but they could have anybody they wanted. it was obviously overwhelming. i mean, who does that? but, i wanted to be able to put a personal story with the extended military family and for people to think about the fact

that we are out here and whether her mom's or wives or husbands or children, you know, we sacrifice every day and so i decided to say yes. that was a whole other experience. it was really, i just couldn't help wonder what my dad would be saying. i pictured him watching from heaven and i thought hey dad, i think i'm i'm doing okay. >> you talked about ptsd starting to get calls and questions. how have you approach that? what have have you done to learn about those topics and to be a source of advice for other moms or dads, and how prevalent do you see that issue being?

>> you know, being in kabul for that year, there were things that happened when i was there that year that were very difficult. i watched the staff that i worked with their, many of whom are suffering from delayed ptsd, and one of the things i learned joining forces is that it can be up to seven years after a traumatic event. there was one circumstance where my husband's layover hotel was attacked and i was on the phone with the flight attendant telling them what to do because they were barricaded in their room. she was coordinating a rescue. rescue. this all sounds like a movie. this is, like i said, i feel like this is not even my life sometimes, but for them to feel safe to come out. so we went through a traumatic event where you talk through them. that that triggered my interest in the beginning.

what if more and more moms are starting to be concerned as my children are getting concerned about classmates or people that they know, i started to do what i like to do where i started to research and learn more and as an educator, i'm very fascinated about the brain. i took a course in science and education, the brain is plastic and constantly rewiring and changing. my counsel to parents were concerned is to point them to certain organizations, especially anything about suicide, i love taps and for grief counseling, and now, i just had the opportunity to go to texas where they're doing a of research and my big push is we need funding to get more,

this is our last frontier and the more we can understand about understanding the brain, not only only can we help those suffering from ptsd but also mental health, learning problems it's just an enormous, enormous opportunity. almost like going to the moon, but i think so much of what were you are doing now is we are reacting to behaviors and we need to really focus on that holistic approach. what can we do to help find the area that's been damaged and fix it. i am am really hoping we can see great strides in that. >> speaking of injuries wounded warriors, there is a whole subset of parents that are really the caregivers. as well as spouses and sometimes friends, but a lot of times a mom has sent off her 18-year-old child and came back injured and

they are going to be caregivers for a long time. have you seen or spoken with those parents and what programs are there and available for them? >> the book isn't just my voice, there are 25 other military moms voices and one of the voices is a mom who is caring for her tbi and she has quit her job. now, what next. we have about 1 million caregivers and probably one third of those are parents. many of them are coming from areas where they haven't had the benefit of a military background to understand what services are available to them and their whole life has changed because they are now taking care of these terribly wounded children.

blue star families, i love blue star families and they have a caregiver program with caregiver conferences. uso also has some and so that's where i . people. people. get connected and find other caregivers because another thing people don't realize that caregivers are at much more risk for suicide as well. we we have this terrible act epidemic of veteran suicide, but caregivers, if you have someone in your community who is a caregiver, you really need to be showing up at their door shut saying what can i do to help you because this is a lifelong role that they are going to have. that's another another thing close to my heart. i wrote, we send perfect children to war and some of us come home with sons and daughters we don't even recognize. we need to be helping them supporting them, and i pray for

them every day. >> you write about blue star families which is an organization for those with families in the military and you talked a little bit about gold star mothers. gold star mothers are those who have lost a son or daughter. there's a very inspirational story in here about a mom who is a gold star mother who is at the naval academy. would you like to sort of touch a little bit on that? >> i got to know her and discovered that she was a pleaded mom. her first big challenge that your child is going through without you and as i communicated with her she has an older son who she lost in iraq.