infamy and craig nelson with his book, "pearl harbor: from infamy to greatness," followed by an interview with donald stratton, co-author of quality all the gallant men." we're taking your phone calls, tweets and e-mail questions live from noon to 3 p.m. eastern. go to booktv.org for the complete weekend schedule. >> for more than two decades, c. nicole mason has worked on a range of pressing social issues from violence against women to reproductive justice to economic curt. security. she is also the former executive director of the women of color e policy network at new york university robert f. wagner graduate school of public service. there she held the distinction of being one of the youngest scholar-practitioners to lead a u.s. think tank. in addition to being an author, mason's commentary and writing have been featured in the los angeles times, politico, the nation be, the progressive, "essence" magazine and on cnn,

msnbc, npr, nbc and among other outlets. mason will be joined by vanessa deluca, the editor-in-chief of "essence" magazine, the preeminent lifestyle magazine for african-american women. she oversees the content and vision of the core magazine as well as essence.com.si her influence extends beyond the various brand extensions including top tier events such as black women in hollywood luncheon and black women in music. before we start with the conversation, we will have charlene carruthers come out and read a passage from mason's memoir. charlene is a career feminist community organizer and writer,, an activist-member-led organization of black 18-35-year-olds dedicated to creating justice and freedom for all black people. she has over ten years of experience in racial justice,f e

feminist and youth leadership development work. so please welcome charlene carruthers. [applause] >> thank you. thank you. first, i'd like to thank c. nicole mason for this amazing opportunity to share this moment with her. "born bright" is amongst, as you all should know, many of her achievements. and so tonight i have thee opportunity to read a number of passages from "born bright." if you have not read it, you need to read it, buy it and buy one for your friends too. okay? and so the passages i chose deeply resonate with me, and as i shared with nicole so many, wow, that happened to me moments while reading this book. so i'll get started. i did the right thing. i am the beneficiary of many of the programs that we are talking about here today.ar

i attended head start. i was involved in after school programs. i am the first person in my family to graduate from highin school, to attend college and tn receive a ph.d.. by now my voice was shaking, but i could not stop. i was having, in public, the private conversation i reserved for my first generation black and latino colleagues who had also successfully navigated their way out of poverty and into the middle class and who have a deep understanding of the journey from there to here. these people in this room were strangers.pe but i am only one person, i continued. growing up i knew many kids in my neighborhood who were smarter and more capable than me, andan they didn't make it out.t. many have been killed, gone to prison, are living hand to mouth or otherwise on the margins of h society.

should i blame them or the system that allows only a few of us at a time to escape? the room was pregnant with silence. i couldn't take it back. i felt like an intruder and exposed. in these types of professional settings, my personal experiences with hunger, poverty and episodic homelessness often go undetected. it is assumed that i am just like everyone else; an advocate, a policy expert or an academic. typically, when a woman is invited to tell her story during these panels or meetings, it feels voyeuristic and slimy like a performance. her story has a perfect, predictable arc. she was lost, then found by one of the many social service agencies in the city. she changed her behavior, became a better mother, and although she still struggles to make ends

meet, on her way to economic prosperity. hallelujah! the end. her story is meant to inspire, to whip up emotion and to make the people in the audience feel good about their work and themselves. it is not meant to challenge or change how we make policies or shift how poor people in our communities, our cities or the larger society are perceived. be there's also a clear separation between her and the experts on the stage. they, not she, are deciding what should be done. here i was, blurring that line. i was both the subject and the authority on the matter. i had firsthand knowledge of the messiness of poverty and the feelings the poor internalize from birth. like the belief that our very existence is a burden on society. the collapse of this boundary made me feel -- made me uncomfortable.

i had worked hard to disguise my beginning in life. from the decision to change my name during my first week of college to the effort of erasing words and phrases like can't and since the go -- [laughter] from my vocabulary. i have succeeded in creating the perfect, impenetrable middle class mask. now it was off. the next piece is from the the chapter entitled "free today." the mark of a good childhood is freedom. the freedom from worry, stress and burdens coupled with the freedom to explore, grow and and learn without consequence or incident. these freedoms are often denied to children living in poverty whose minds are consumed daily

with thoughts of survival and questions about their next meal, safety or housing. and concerns that they may never speak aloud. my grandfather's house was a welcome respite from the chaos and unpredictability in the duplex. there were no fights, arrests or out of control women banging on our door at odd hours of the night. for the first time, my brotherrs and i had the space to be children. we played jacks, marbles and barbies and listened to new edition, michael jackson and stevie wonder on my grandfather's record player in our living room. i even joined the girl scouts as a brownie. once a week a hippie-looking woman with long blond hair picked me up in a rusty flatbed truck and took me to a brownie meetings held in an old church across town. i'm not sure if it was my mother's idea or mine that iot become a member, but i never quite understood what was going

on or what we were supposed to be doing there. collecting badges, making pledges, selling cookies, i just did not get it. [laughter] i was one of two black girls in the large troop and felt out of place. to make matters worse, while we played jump rope during one of the meetings, the other black girl punched me be, punched me out for not allowing her to have two times in a row. it was my first fight, and i had lost. i did not understand how she could be so angry with me. when we were the only two there who looked like us.os in my young mind, i had already made peace with the white girls not wanting to play with me. i was different from them. my hair was spongy, not blond or stringgy. i did not live in their neighborhoods or listen to the same music. they were strange to me too. however, i could not figure her, the black one, out.

why didn't she want to be my friend? when i hopped out of the side of a truck that evening after the meeting, i decided that i had had enough and was never going back. a couple weeks prior i had suffered through a sum bler party where no -- slumber party where no one talked to me, asked me to brush their hair or offered to brush mine. my mother did not question my decision or ask why i decided to quit. the following week when the hippie honked her horn outside our home for me to come out, my mother waved her off and told her that i would not be back. and the last piece that i will read is from the chapter entitled "wedding day." i was fired, she said quietly. her neck craned out of the car

door as she pulled into the driveway. she had been employed for only a few weeks and worked for a young, white lawyer in los angeles. why, i asked. puzzled by her announcement. he tried to hit on me, and i told him i wasn't into that, so i quit. me and the words swirled like a small tornado in my head. it did not make sense to me. did she really quit because she refused to have sex with her boss? did bosses really do that?. i believed her and thought he was a per or accelerate. pervert. later i found out the lawyer's wife had called my mother a maid.i a maid. when she saw her vacuuming the office. she did not approve of his hiring such an attractive aide and demanded that she be fired, and he complied. telling me initially that he'd hit on her was her way of hiding the humiliation and powerlessness she felt for being fired so abruptly. even in her or shame, she was adept at creating a world that

was uncomplicated by theng messiness of racism, classism x in this instance, sexism. after about six months of searching for work, my mother returned to the college where she received the paralegal certificate and demanded clarification on its value. she had taken out thousands of dollars' worth of student loans and needed them to pony up on their job guarantee.s. as reinforcement, she took along with another student, she took along with her another student who had also had a hard time finding a job. a after being brushed off by several different college officials, the two threatened t file a complaint against the college with the better business bureau or whomever else they could think of in that moment. fearing their cover would be blown, the college forgave their debt in exchange for theirth signing a nondisclosure agreement. and just like that, my mother was unemployed, was out a degree and back to square one.

thank you. [applause] >> and now please welcome vanessa deluca and c. nicole mason. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> good evening, everyone. >> hello, hello.ening, e i'm really happy to be here. hey, charlie. [laughter] >> you said you wanted to make a few thank yous. >> yes. i just wanted to say thank you to my agent, marie brown. i don't know where she is, the legendary marie brown, for believing in me. there she is in the back.

and my research and my story from the very start. and to thank -- i just wanted to give a shout out to thank my spelman students who are here, don't know where they are. bree, kirsten, jonet. they are here somewhere and still always the smartest and brightest women in the room. so i wanted to thank them before i got started. >> that's wonderful. >> and elena. >> nicole? >> yes. >> you know, this is really, a really, truly stunning, stunning memoir. and we're going to spend the next about an hour studying it more deeply and talking about what prompted you, compelled you to tell your story. we'll have a little time for q&a, and then you're going to treat us to your own reading from the work. so let's jump right in. i have to tell you that this

statistic that you put in the book literally stopped me in myy tracks, and that is that 47 million people in the united states live in poverty. and not surprisingly -- or maybe it should be, but it's not -- highest among blacks, latinos and female head of households. so what -- when you introduce the book, you say the poor girl in me wants to explain why we don't all make it out. so i'd love for you to talkin about, you know, why did you want to write a book that exposes so much of kind of where you came from, how you began? because telling people that you grew up in poverty, as you mentioned -- as the reading just showed us, isn't easy. so what gave you the courage to do it? >> well, i really wanted to tell a different story about poverty and a different story about my communities and the people who

lived in them, and i think this is a narrative -- and we hear it all the time if you work hard enough, you'll make it to the top. and barack obama's second inaugural speech, he pretty much says that. and even when people say that, i feel really uncomfortable because i know that that's not the truth. because only a small portion of people who are born into poverty ever make it to the middle clasr or to the top. and so i really wanted to make an intervention and tell a story that would not only give life th the, what i know to be true, but also disrupt the damaging narratives that we see all the time circulating in popular media and culture. >> did you have, like, any kind of, you know, fear or, you know, worries or concerns about kind of digging into, you know, into

your story and talking about your past? >> so there are two things. so the first concern i had was about how the story would be interpreted. and so even early on when i did a work in progress at spelman, a black box, one of the other professors pulled me to the side and said, you know, you really need to be careful about the stereotypes and the tough that people -- even though you may say it -- will interpret it through their own lens. and so that stuck with me when t was writing, because i wanted th just be honest and tell the truth but really cognizant about how the story would be interpreted by other people. and, you know, it has, you know? readers take what they will from the story, and some in some instances have had to push back on interviews when they interpret the story, you know? it's you're a poor girl, your mother was a teenager mother.

they feel like they've heard the story without even reading the book. and so i think that is problematic. w and the second thing that i worried about was my family and how they would read the book. i was very clear that i, with my academic training, i could tell the story that they couldn't. even if they didn't agree with me, they couldn't -- the possibility of them writing another book that, you know, it ain't true book -- [laughter] was pretty slim. so i -- [laughter] so in the back of my head when i was writing the book, i had to think about, well, what will my brother say, what will my mother say. will they, you know, is it something that will hurt them. will they say it's not true. and so i really, as i was writing, was cognizant of all those things. >> you also said that you spent a lot of time interviewing people, kind of going back and talking to people from, you

know, from your past about what they remembered or how they remembered it and that kind of helped you as you were shaping the memoir. >> yeah, absolutely. so i talked to, you know, i interviewed my mom, my familyol members, my cousins, my old best friends. i went to my old neighborhood from, you know, when i was 5 years old.d. i went and visited the apartment complex, the first one that i remembered. and it was really jarring. and the stuff that i thought, you know, hadn't impacted me when i saw, for example, the first apartment building and iap saw clothing lines hanging from the, you know, from apartment to apartment, i said, wow, you know, this was our first -- this was my first home. i fell down those stairs on my tricycle. it was, you know, those kind of memories. and -- >> was it the way you remembered it, or you had a different vision in your head? >> well, you know, i mean i say this, and i think sometimess people don't believe me, but i

didn't know i was poor growing up. so that apartment building was amazing to me when i was growing up, you know? it's where we lived, it's where all my friends were, you know? we had dance contests, and it was my, it was where i lived. and then when i went back today, i said, wow, there is nothing here, you know? there were no flowers, the paint was peeling, you know, like i said, there was clotheslines, and now it's like this is where poor people live, you know? and i think even having that lens to be able to, you know, contextualize my experience growing up is one i don't think we get to hear in the popular -- i mean, when stories are told. >> did you encounter a lot of people were till there from -- still there from, you know, it had been, obviously, years had gone by since you lived in your old neighborhood or several other neighborhoods. did you, you know, happen to find people that -- >> well, in my neighborhood that

i grew up in high school, like most of my friends there were still there, so when i go ohm 40, it's d home, it's like a homecoming. first of all, it's pumpkin, i'm not nicole, i am pumpkin. so we just sit down and we, you know, play spades or to whatever we're going to do. but when i went back to that first childhood home, what happened was and what i know to be true, i came there, i was snapping pictures, and people were looking at me like i was an alien, like i did not belong. and -- >> you felt that.. >> i felt that. that's what happens when people you don't know come into your neighborhood, you know?i and i had to say i lived here when i was 5 years old. and it was two latino women, so they started talking to each other, and then i guess it was okay, because they smiled and they were like, go ahead, you know? [laughter] and, you know, that's what happens. and i feel even that kind of dynamic where i can go into some

neighborhood that i don't currently live and start snapping pictures and the people in the neighborhood don't feel empowered to say what are you doing here. and i know now in other neighborhoods where i lived that somebody will say what are you doing here, if that makes sense. >> it does. it makes perfect sense. >> you know what i'm talking about. >> yeah. [laughter] oh, yeah. so, but back to your family. so you talked to your mom, you talked to your brother, you talked to -- >> my father, you know? my mother and father had given me the same story, different facts. i'm like, i don't know, i'm going to have to take a middle ground here, you know? [laughter] so, and -- >> do you think that's because everybody was using their own, like you said -- >> their own eyes. they were seeing the story, so my brother when i interviewed him, i said, well, why do you think it is that mom and i had a difficult relationship? right? so i wanted to hear what he had to say.

he said, you know, because i think you thought you were smarter than her.. and i was, like, that wasn't -- that's not my interpretation of what i thought was the problem, you know? [laughter] you know, so some of the stuff was really hard to hear and internalize. and so when i was writing, i hat to think, i said, okay, how i see it, but the information other people are giving me about the same story that i also need to include to have a more accurate telling of the story. and the thought i was really -- he thought i was really outspoken, so i imagined myself as being really quiet and only speaking out when necessary. [laughter] you know, how all of us imagine ourselves. don't start nothing, there won't be nothing, but if there is something, i will bring it. [laughter] so that's kind of how i saw myself. >> so it must have been really -- i mean, with all these, because when you're telling the family story, not just your story in isolation, it

must be really hard to filter out, well, what am i going to include and what am i not going to include and what makes sense and what doesn't make sense. i mean, this was quite an undertaking. how long did it take you to actually put all of these pieces together? >> well, actually when i actually sat down and started writing, it at no time take long, but it took -- it didn't take long, but it took me about a year to come to grips with what was happening. when i first started out, it was a straight policy book because i'm a policy person. i was going to tell this very objective, hard facts, these are the things. and then the publisher saw one vignette where i wrote a couple lines about my family, and sheig said that's more interesting and it'll be easier because it's your story.. it was actually super hard, and i cried literally every day writing this story. and some days i couldn't write because the memory was so hard. if that makes sense, right? so to go back and reckon withma

what i knew to be true, what happened to me, what happened tn my mother and just to share -- and she was, i think, the hardest person to write about. my mother was the hardest person to write about because we've had a complicated relationship. so just very quickly, so when i first started writing the book, i sent my editor the first chapter, and it was really harsh on my mother. and she sent it back, and she said, no, ma'am, you're not going to do this to her, you know? [laughter] i was, like, what? it's a good chapter. it pulls people in, you know? it's juicy. [laughter] and she said, no, you're not mad at her. she said you need to look for and tell a different story. and so it prompted me to go back and think about my mother and her life in a different way. so when you read the book, you get to see my mother as a very mothlicated, multidimensional person. >> and so has she finish so i'm assuming she's read the book,

your whole family has read the book. >> well, let me just say -- [laughter] they, you know, so i was intent on not letting them read it before where there could be no changes, because everybody has interpretations of what should be included. that did not happen. or, and my mother -- like, so i didn't want their voices in my head when i was writing. so finally though i gave it to my mom to read when i was -- i was done. i was done with the first draft, actually, a few drafts. and so she started reading it,t and she said, you know, i laughed and i cried. and she said, but it's ultimately your story to tell. like, so i may not agree with how your eyes and how you see things, but it's your story to tell. i called her back, she had 50 pages left in the book, and i said did you finish the book, she said, no.

and my mother's really fiery and feisty. i said, well, why? why didn't you finish the book? she said, because you a lie. you're a liar. laugh and i was like, so we got into this tussle -- [laughter] about, like -- >> over the phone. >> this was over the phone. but i could tell she's just like, you know, what she does, like sitting in the garage, you know, talking. [laughter] and so we got into this thing about, like, my truth versus her truth, and she was just like i don't, you know, i don't agree with this, and, you know, so itw was a really hard conversation. and so she didn't -- i think he took it back like it is not your story to tell, you know? [laughter] and so we've still been in conversation about it, and my brother has a copy, and myy father has read it, my grandmother. and so, but i actually have to

say that i've been reluctant to phone home because they have read it. you know? and, you know, they're seeing themselves, you know? and i'm sure they have a little beef, you know? so -- [laughter] >> you'll just work through that. >> i'm going to work through it. i'm going to work through it. >> okay. let's talk about the title of the book, "born bright." i mean, you're claiming that, you're owning that you were born bright. >> well, yes. i mean, so like the title, when i came up -- when i was thinking about the title, i wanted something that i believed to be true and the fact that, you know, i believe that we are all born bright. it's the things that happen to t us along the way that kind of dim our light. and then some of us, you know, learn to reignite ourselves. and so i really wanted that to be true and have that conversation about what makes people go dark.

what makes young girls go dark. and then got a lot of pushback about who do you think you are to label, you know, because they -- it was literal. who do you think you are to say you were born bright, you know? and i was like, you know, give me a break, you know, whatever. [laughter] >> i mean, what was the issue? i mean, that -- >> i think some people thought it sounded arrogant. and exceptional. and so when some people think this is a boot strap story, so people when they pick it up, they think that this is another one of those stories that we've seen that has a lot of currency today around, you know, if you work hard enough, you can make it. and then when you read the book, that's not what this book is about. this is not about pulling yourself up, this is about a very complicated story of a community of people of my life, of my girlhood. and so it's not that story. and i think that story has a lot more currency and value than this story does. and it also, i think what's true

here is the protagonists are all black women. and we don't see that. so even if you see a boot strap story, it's likely that the main, the protagonist, the savior is not a perp of color -- a person of color or not a black woman. and so one thing i think that's really interesting is that this is a story that is centered in the black community and around the black experience. >> well, i mean, okay. you also mentioned that when we talked earlier that there were people who even had an issue, friends of yours that had an issue with you even writing this story because they felt like it wasn't really true.us can you talk a little bit about that? .. >> something's people find hard to believe if i say i never lived in a middle-class neighborhood until college people say how

was the possible? listened plan ever saw was middle-class black people how was that possible? and is easy. [laughter] been if you live and los angeles or wherever geographic isolation is real if those people in your neighborhood are who you see . it is easy not to see a middle-class black person or if you go to girl scouts. sol pushing back able with the black middle class person with that narrative of food gets to be black and what does it look like in experience. >> part of the narrative think the community that you grew up and that you were

asked each other there was it really in the way that you described a growing up is like the total opposite. >> there was a lot going on but one of the things i triedhi to complicate is that that at the same time. poverty is harsh. i don't want to say so i wanted to complicate and say that there's this really big moments where immunity comes your only want you to be successful on hold at the same time family is a place of love and rest. it also be a place that's not safe. i try to do that without

casting judgment. >> you mentioned earlier that you don't want to necessarily do that. is it's possible for everyone but i do think in reading the book you feel a sense of w resilience you have whatever messages you are having turning you but all kinds of outside influences. the menu same even think that i'm in a keep moving. when you get is there is something about the way you took in the life you to take in the negative you just kept going. it is one of those things that you kind of hold.

you can help internalize the messages that you're getting everywhere that says you're black, you grew up in la give a teenage mom was hard to not t take the susan what i do with that. i feel like i've always been a difficult child. i think one of the things that we expect for kids who go in poverty. we expect everything to be feeling around kids.pect bla we don't expect it from any other kids. i wanted to push back on the

narrative because i think that c there were some kids that didn't make it. you will make it out. i think to tell them thathat th that's what they need is a mistake. let's shift gears just a little bit in the book one of the driving themes is a tension between the community and the systems that are put in place to supposedly help. and how it made you feel.book

and poor people's lives the system is omnipresent. the education system and the social welfare system. all of them caused more harm than good. so what that means is that the systems that are supposed to help and protect its doing the exact opposite. i learned not to trust the police.lice wil i was crazy sufficient until kids. when people worry about it. invite black people coming. a comes by a very early age. people are not there to protect you and help you.

but now when people wonder about when they don't understand why black people are afraid of police it's because they don't have thatli kind of relationship with the police. i tried to come look at it. instead of resting there. they go their separate ways. >> how does it feel to be on the receiving end. that they don't really give you agency in your own. the way of being.

>> i think that in the beginning i talk about the fact that that because my mother was poor and black. and she went to the doctors appointment she never said she was having twins. after they have the babies one didn't make it and they didn't tell them anything about it. you can take care of that one.one so it wasn't until i started writing the book and she was still torn up about it. but if she had had quality insurance. what if they didn't see her as a young teenage poor black girl. if you think about those things.

you talk about towards the end of the book you talk about going to college and how you realize there's a lot of things you missed out early on. they felt like you were prepared maybe more prepared as you thought you were. did you have a feeling of disappointment, anger indignation when she realized i didn't get what everyone else seemed to have gotten. how did that make you feel. i really grapple with the idea

that i can only see what i can see. i do know for example that the schools around town. and then when i go to howard and icy and i find out that actually there's a whole parallel system at work and you are not supposed to be here. frankly you weren't supposed to see this. and that made me really angry because i knew that we are were being set up we were never supposed to succeed coming out of those schools. it's a lie. your mind to us. i want to say your line you

need to be held accountable and we need to really talk about what's going on what's happening to girls like me. why those folks you talk in front of the very beginning of the book you basically kind of came and said i am that person do you worry that now that they will be intercepted. i think it's very complicated. on the one hand when i'm in this room. mostly white men and women. i'll be talking about poor,

black women really and i don't know where they get the stories from. she was a single mom. they have the grant fantasies. who are you talking about.ing au i think it makes them uncomfortable. was there and i did this just, you know, you're not used to having some on here that says that's not okay. someone from stamford did the study. it must be right. i don't care if jesus did theon study is not accurate. and so that makes people uncomfortable. there is a disruptive narrative.

sometimes you're inheriting their funding. all of these things come into play.yes i i just continue to tell the story. it's easy to push the can down the road. and one of the things i wanted to do was i'm not willing to do this anymore. so i'm in a tell the story. i want to say that even when i tell the story people come back to the original storyto that they know and try to tell that story. >> give me an example. there is a review that came out in the review they sent it to me and said another good review. i have started to read these things carefully because

sometimes it doesn't make sense. except they call my brother a petty thief and gangbanger. and that's not in the book at all. it is the imagination going wild. and so she said i saw that. why do you say something. i'm in a talk to them. they made the correction. there would've been this perception as this thing that i never even said. not even close to. there are things like that to happen.

of course. i want to go back to telling you about the family storyteller. and as you were writing and think about it. i want to get to the emotion of grappling with telling a story the people might not agree with but then you have to tell it anyway. how did you push past those moments. a lot of people there's a lot of people that would love to tell their story. the emotion of it all. there must've been a certain point where you were able to are able to just get past that.deadli

that memory is swirling around in my head. i need to go sit down for a little while. and then i would send i would leave out something. you have to tell this.ll the then they won't understand why this happened.. they kept you accountable. you just said that they have that. i would have to go back and dig deeper and look at it more

fully.of i think it was most difficult thing. trying to stay non- judgmental again particularly with the writing of my mother and our relationship.tionship >> it takes a lot of guts to>> talk about your mom. that we tend not to challenge and we want everyone to think the best of our mom. is a and everybody loves mom. i don't know how to cap do it is over there. but black moms are here and everyone else's here. you don't talk about your mother and the negative way. it's all like sunday dinners.

can you say let me pelt peel back the layer. she is abusive. and then sometimes they are yearning and wanting the lot. ve and so i tried to do my best in telling that. i want you to understand her also. i think people kind of walk away with i know her. that's what i wanted. since you become a mom.

some of the things in decisions that she made. do you look at it differently. do you have a different perspective on motherhood now that you are mom. >> i have a set of six-year-old twins all right, calm down. i've spent most of my life been estranged. i'm from la. i am i've had a very unique situation. i can go a year without going home or whatever.

the when i have a kids. bu with the think about my mother as a mother i remember calling him one time insane something like now i know what it's like to have two kids that are looking for you for love and care. he really have an answer.le so really trying to grapple with my childhood hurt influence and trying to raise kids that are healthy and whole.healthy it's real. we talked about this a little bit earlier. and i really want you to give the answer that you gave me earlier and that as do you feel the adults in your life should of been held more accountable where should be held accountable for some of

the things that happen to you or didn't happen. i'm taking about the example of you wanted to participate in something it was something else. and your mom said no and your mom said no sometimes it's just arbitrary. yes or no. i just think at the time it will be hard for me to say i feel like they should of been held accountable. it was just our life. the choices that she was making i do understand them is m wrong or right because so whatever she said was right. even later today i can sayhose e those are different choices than i would've made but i'm

not my mother she is making these constrained court choices. i try not to think in terms of accountability or what they own me and rather i try to think about and had two mouths to feed. and want to party. my father is still a partier. he does one had fun. that's true for him today. and i imagine it was true for him when he was 16 with two kids. and i think about myself. they come through very clearly in the book.

never once is there judgmenthe a in the characters. this is just how it was. and it's up to you and it's up to you to interpret it however you see. and that was intentional. again i tried to write the angry book first in the end i decided that i wanted to tell the full story of the people in my life including my aunt who was an amazing woman. and not judge them. and to try to insert that into that narrative.th because it wasn't true. even when i interviewed her. even when she found out she

didn't like the book that much. this is what people do. saint she is out here calling us poor. it's true. i did not think we were poor than and she still doesn't think she's poor. and so that's really hard it's also the truth. what are the things that you hope people take away from reading the book? >> one of the things i've been really grateful about in terms of the book is the reception. people see themselves in the story and even when i talk about myself i'm also not without my own flaws. i think that's a good thing.andt

i'm not separate from a family or community. i'm in the midst of it as well. so when people and black women and girls in particular say i see myself or i see that is funny. that makes me feel good. what i hope is that for black women and black girls in communities we see ourselves in the book. at the national level with thele people i deal with in terms of my work i want them to stop telling lies about us. that's really what i want. i want them to not lie. in my family and my community. i'm hoping it shifts the narrative a little bit. >> i think now would be a good time to open up for some questions from the audience.

you're welcome to come to the mic. and share your thoughts with us. will start to the right here.th and go back and forth. first of all thank you so much. i've said this to you before now that i finished the booked o there is such an uncanny similarity. i feel like we had have the same childhood. it's crazy. i don't even know what that means. to have read my life with

someone else's story. i want to say thank you. but i also don't know what that means. the question i have for you is related to your last point which is i totally feel you and feel the tension and tried it tell a story about what was true at the time in the coping stories of the people tell in the family about the exact same situation in very different ways. and that when you circulate the story that they might reject it. the same time you're trying to correct a story on another level it's often related to funding. so what does it feel like to be squeezed on two sides by those who have an investment

in telling a different story and what you feel is the worthw or the value i doesn't do either of those two things. where the funding story. if that works as a question. i feel the squeeze i wonder if you've have some insight now that the book is out about what you think the story is doing with your family even though some may push back against it and maybe people like me it's part of the answer. thank you. again that's why i haven't called home. i know they're having conversations between them conv about the book.

i want them to have those conversations without me feeling like i have to defend what i wrote do you think at a certain point they will work through whatever that is for you get to talk i'm in have to defend it. i'm just not ready yet.dy yet i know that to be true. i feel like at some point and had to reckon with that because they have their own versions of the story.n of the to get to try to tell me their story. to correct me.e. and convince me that my story is not the right story. i think from my father in particular spending a lot of time talking about this. who do you think you were in the story they have a lot of

feelings about how they were to feel. he never gave me any space when we would try to ask him questions about where were you what was going on. he would just shut the conversation down. he cannot shut that conversation down. he has to see himself i to get may be hard. >> the other part of the question was this narrative does not agree with the comments. does i think what is disheartening

for me is that there is a way of sentencing this into these voices. because we know our experiences. there is a way of closing the door that happened to us. be prepared for that. there's been many institutions have said we needed this. what helps us tell a different story. they were pretty progressive. that pretty progressive politics. were talking about the mega institutions and the things that really control the narratives and have an investment. >> i just want to say thank

you for so all. for sha i'm also from southern california. again i want to say thankrt you. it hosts the leadership academy. for y they come from all over the united states and they're able to get into that spaces where they want to talk about a lot of the trance. the students at the university. and constantly being silenced about our experiences growing up in poverty. so what advice would you give to young girls who are used to being silent write about these issues. and how do we push back. both outside of our homes butus also in our community spaces

where you could have a dialogue with the mother uncle or somebody like that. where they want to say that perhaps it didn't happen the way it did. how do they find that voice for themselves to push back. >> it reminds me of tony morrison.nd i'm the idea that the function of racism is that they tell you that your had looks like this. there is always some rationale about why your story isn't the right story.that thi what i decided for myself as i don't have anything to prove. i have to prove my humanity and had to prove that my story

is true. it just is. i think that is the way that we carry in terms of defending and trying to reassert our humidity to people who don't see us as humans. and is refusing to do that.ef anymore. or any longer.ms of >> i don't know if that's helpful but in terms of working with the little girlss it's the same thing. to be able to see that. that you don't have to feed into whatever anyone's narrative is.ne's nar if it doesn't agree with you. don't tell me how to interpret>> my experiences. >> to be honest with you i haven't read the book i was

like what's going on in schaumburg today. i'm so happy and thankful that i came in today because i'm so going through it. i've really been searching for a story like this. of to identify the gender is tofl it still resonates timmy.oke what you spoke about in terms of the math. -- mask that you wear. i've always had to deal with being the youngest person and the only black person in the workplace because i'm doing art in museums i was hoping

you can expand on it.ntitled why did you tell title your book born right. the ability to love and nurture. i guess neighborhood like everything around where they're not cared for.respect how are you able to do thatthati and what advice do you have. going through it and people who had have the experience of being raised as a poor little black girl. and affirm themselves and even

the family does not affirm that. >> what do i want to say to that. i think it's just work. the only thing i want to say is who are you. how can we without doing work how can that be true given that images that we are bombarded with that tell us we're not beautiful both with and are within our community and outside of our community.h it's only with the love of other black women that we are affirmed. for me the people who affirm me i think they're all black

women. the idea of the narrative that is circulating that black women don't love other black women. i know we're in trouble were in trouble when they talk like that. i just push back and say that's not true. as a love of black women thatnt we are all sustaining other black women. that's what i would say. [applause]. i want to say you are so beautiful in person and you are so funny also.to i think you're very funny.

i've have the opportunity to read some of your book and i've really been enjoying it on the way you insert some of the factual information i was taking about self-directed girls and it sounds like maybe you are strong-willed and how that may have impacted the relationship you have with your mom i was wondering if you thought about that sincece you have children that you are raising. and how they deal with girls and particularly backroom black girls for white boys who grow up as a marker of leadership. but when black girls are strong-willed or self-directed we tried it squash that. i was wondering if you have any thoughts about that. >> sometimes i think we squash

it. think o other times i think people try to squash it. l >> if i were not strong-willed i would not be here today. if i did not push back and asked to go to the library to write my skateboard. all of the things that they are not supposed to do i wouldn't be here today. and i think there is a formula that worked for me. i tried to allow her to not distinguish that in her. to be strong she doesn't have to be a fighter in the way i was but she can't assert herself to be powerful i'll think there is a lot of space for strong-willed black

women. were expected to be strong and take on a lot of everything the stereotype but we do. it is a stereotype that is written in truth. were the ones when people leave were doing a lot of things. what juggling a lot of that. the idea that that is used against us or when we don't use it to benefit them that's when the problem comes in. good evening. thank you so much. and good evening to you please excuse my voice i'm suffering from allergies. i certainly look forward to reading more.

i'm 62 years of age. i would not even know where to begin. i would have 70 chapters one of the things i grew up with the there is just so much generational stuff that i do see that is worthy of discussion at some point because we had people that lived with us. we were the new york people. but nowthe younger generation removed to me. they started the family. it's very interesting. when we talk about our familywh because family reunions this tender talk about granddaddy and things like that. i say that's what i say. granddaddy owns his own land.

and my cousin would say the same thing. it's the way we see our family is really somewhat different. my brother doesn't really talk about it at all. i will make one other comment. this is really touching for me. i retired from the department of education. when i was starting it at nyu. my mother. patho i went back to school later. my daughter she would take care of her. and my mother watched me steady so far for a test.

it took me seven times before i passed that test. going t so she said that my mother said you to go to the best of schools i just want to make that point. it made me feel bad that my mother seem to feel bad. i was just something that touched me. >> there are moments in the book re- say we say don't feel bad, it's okay. i will ask the next three questions just want to say

thank you very much i think like a lot of people i put a similar background to you. to what extent do you think it takes to bring about real change. and in particular in terms of moving progressive white middle-class people on this. in terms of the progressive part. there is a next stage of enlightenment. they are having people that will come to things like this. it's a very different decision. with that progressive segment. p what do you think it takes toa bring about change.

i think it takes people from different backgrounds. they bring that perspective. >> i agree with you. shifting the narrative. and she did who is in the room. there is also a real investment in the stories. people's job are tied to the narrative. if your livelihood and the we get paid is by perpetuating the stories that they have a job than you keep those narratives moving. until we disrupt the systems sye that are predicated or built on the back support black people nothing is in a change.

it's easy to do that. in the living your neighborhood in isolation and not see what's going on. it's easy. and then you can answer both of them. i want to thank can bring her here but i wasn't sure. something you said earlier. when you think a publisher would sabotage their credibility of your book i understood it wasn't a publisher.

i don't think the person a lot of the stuff goes under the radar.on the people that wrote it was not being luscious i think it was her imagination at work. she's probably the only person that read the book the interpretation could be can b there. they can also had unintentionally the filter. they can add stuff. good evening. i'm so excited for you and f excited to be here and i loveat this conversation. i was also delighted that charlene opened reading.

i was curious how do you think i that.hink, when you are witnessing leaders like charlene others across the country who aren't leading with an apologetic black, queer feminist lens. how heidi see that interacting with your book with the book that you're doing.this nar a and how do you think that is plain out and helping women and girls to see that light they talked about. a but also push back on the policies that are there to dim the light. >> inviting charlene is very intentional for me. i do want to make that connection between the work that so important. and all of the active

organizers. the book in my story this is my contribution to that work. i understand this. aisha writing is a political act. there is nothing that is not intentional. when you talk about what stories were left out. even the stories that were painful to write about because i know the power of the stories into those words. >> thank you so much for your questions.

>> i thought they would have>> them read.as nicol i want to let y'all know that we do have the book for sale in her book shop and there will they will be assigning afterwards. it is a last chapter which is called i will fly away. >> where two. do you know where that is and how to get there. and turn towards the large trunk and suitcase. as is all you have. did they not hear me. do you know how to get there i've never ridden in a cabve before. i'm not sure i trusted him. has about 45 minutes away from here. i breathed a sigh of relief.d is

they only had $200. i hesitated. i did not know what to say. where was i from. no place in particular for any length of time. i wanted to say inglewood.i wany the last place i felt at home. it's a beat of a place. when you want to live there. i just wanted to take into the new environment. the sides of her head. they're zooming by in their cars.

they scraped the sky. the few that were there tripped over them.re going are you sure you're going in the right direction? the neighbor that was just like mine back home. okay we all know. nondescript convenience stores. chinese cure out restaurants.onh i was expecting it to be fancy. like the weighted logo. i just thought. he interrupted me. around the campus is a little rough.li the locals don't like the students that much either. they think you are, he put a

finger to his nose. a little snobby. you will be fine. what is he talking about.by i did not make sense to me. i waved my hand dismissively in the air. 225 fourth street northwest. the cab driver made a right in the left. parents with their children. they waited patiently.de because close to the door.r. when he got close enough he parked the cap. this is heavy.

as he pulled on the handle of the trunk.he p he placed it on the curb next to my other suitcase. he was already gone.th there was no way i could get it up by myself.why my as i did i noted something. there were parents lots of them and they were helping their daughters unload. they were laughing, hugging and. and for preparing for the final farewell. in that moment my heart and confident sink. and never occurred to me when to take it. or that. did parents did these kind of things. and no one not my mother or father had offered to come with me. i've

as my mother waved the bite --dash my goodbye to me i assured her i would be fine.ming i was mistaken. the scene was dizzying.ly to i watch them move past me with various knickknacks. they barely notice me. it was only to ask me to clear the way.le i ch i asked the girl standing at the foot of the stairs.swer que sure, don't be too long. other people are unloading to. to give myself time and space to think.d to l what's your name. hi my name is there. welcome to howard. i did not like the way they sound. it was awkward. they were fine in my neighborhood because no one ever used it expect -- except for my teachers on the first day of school.

i hope she did not repeat it. and the other people sitting there had not overheard it. i needed a new name. pumpkin would not suffice either.ter] where are you from. california. you should join it. a club i suppose. she was just making small talk. i steadied at the top of her had as it pointed down at the typewriter. she was bald. intentionally it appeared and i'd never seen a woman with a close shave and had who is not ill especially a black girl. she did not seem to care. her long eyelashes hit the back of her eyelids. maybe we could be friends.could you're on the fourth floor. here is your key. no company were no boys allowed.

much to my chagrin. as i turned and walked back to the hallway.hat i they moved with authority and were will addressed. i were my best effort on the plane. and now i felt not good enough is almost as if i was wearing rags. i was used to be one of the only info of attractive smart black girls.s. everyone was beautiful and smart. they are maneuvering to find them. can they please help me takek ut

it up the stairs. and they took them up the stairs.to do it they lifted a baseball hat a little.nodded a they were already sweating profusely. he grabbed a long trunk by the handles on each of the sites. he returned for my suitcase. thank you i said. i was grateful for his help. i took the elevator to the fourth floor. i dragged my things out of the elevator down the hall to my room. there was a row of rooms on one side. i peeked into the bathroom. the beers were hazy and the. brown towels were cold. the room was no different. it was tight with only room

for a bed. i switch on the air conditioner made noise and then began to hum. i moved my hand over. as hot. hearing voices i want to the hallway and poked my head into the room next to mine to the people in the room turned their attention to me. hi i'm melanie and this is my dad. the girl with the long hair said. her accent was thick, southern preacher reached a hand out and i shake it. my name is nicole i said i'm from los angeles california. i had a new name. i wasn't chautauqua and it's ever been. nice to meet you, she said. i'm from mississippi. where the hell was that, i wondered. [laughter] but i didn't dare ask. did you come by yourself? yeah, you know, i took the red

eye last night, and i had a layover in phoenix. everyone on the plane was so nice to me. my mother couldn't come, she had to work. i tried to focus on my travels. a girl came up from behind. the tight hallway was becoming congested. excuse me, can we get by, she said. she paused briefly to introduce herself. my name is jade, i live in the room at the end of the hall, and this is my mother. jade was from new york. they were heading to the door of the common area with a bag full of trash. i repeated my new name. i'm from nicole, i'm from los angeles.miom they tried to match me with parents. they could not. i returned to my room and began to unpack. i made the bed first, unpacked my suitcase. before i left for the airport, i had rummaged through some of my old things at my mother's housee and decided to take them. everyone loved cheerleaders, and i could hide behind the facade