and curious about everything and that's a biography that's a must on your list, you have to read biography of da vinci. .. .. ...>> so in applause. >> i'm the executive director of the american leadership forum and we would like to first

acknowledge and authorize the puyallup tribe whose land we're occupying this evening. [applause] >> we'd also like to thank urban grace church for organizing and switching spaces with us really quickly and pulling this all together. their graciousness is amazing. [applause] >> and we'd like to express our deep gratitude to the asl enter pressures who came this evening to make this a more inclusive event. [applause] so, welcome to ain't amazing evening with dr. robin diangelo. it's heart 'king to see so many people in tacoma who couple out to learn and grow together. >> hello. i'm sweet pea from kings books here in tacoma. hi.

we'd also like to thank beck con crazy, the pressurer who helped it set up this event which has expanded greatly, so we're being filmed by c-span's booktv. [applause] unsurprisingly we have becomes for sale, the kings book table is right at the end of the hallway. after the event we'll have a signing starting here and line up on this aisle. if you do not want to stay nor signing we'll have copies of kings books after our event. [applause] good evening. i'm erick seelbach and i'm hardded to be here. [applause] perhaps the most important thing

i may say tonight is the restrooms are all gender neutral restrooms so if you go out this to the exit sign, they're down some stairs. go out this way, they are through the parlor to the left and there are individual use restrooms downstairs as well. so, these kind conversations are really critically important to me because as you may know the hiv epidemic has disproportionately impacted people of color and for us to do work in the epidemic means we have a lot look to do around addressing our own racism as right folks working in organization, we have a lot to do in community, and this kind conversations are part of the incredible equity work we're untaking. these books and this kind of conversation really help us figure out how to have those conversations in their. so i'm really excited to

introduce -- robert bib diangelo. she heed ph.d in multicultural education at university of washington who was a lecturer, twice airedded the award of educator of the year at the school of social work there and was he a opportunity 'erred professor at statefield university in massachusetts, and many of us have participateed in trainings. i give you dr. robert bindi angelo. [applause] >> thank you so much. this is so rich and there's so much to say. but i just want to start by drawing your attention to my race. i'm white. check me out. and part of being white is i was not raised to see myself in

racial terms. in other words that somebody had race but not really me, and definitely was not raised to see it as relevant to anything you could know about me. so what if i'm white? what does that have to do with anything. after a good 20 plus years years of study, struggle, relationship building, mistake making and day in and day out talking to primarily white groups of people about racism. i'm clear i'm white and i have a white frame of reference, i have a white world view and i move through the world with a white experience. it is not just a universal human experience. it is most particularly a white experience, a society that is deeply separate and unequal by race. so while i'm always coming from that position, and for perspective i want to be explicit but tonight and i'm focusing on the majority of the folks in this room who are also white and who are the majority of the people at the table

making decisions that impact the lives of people who aren't at those tables, and with whom we are not in relationships. and this is arguably the most complex, nuanced social dilemma since the beginning of this country. there are many, many, many roads in and all of them are important. absolutely is this not the only perspective, but it is one that is consistently missing. we have professional development on racism, we ten to study them, right? what their struggles, their triumphs, who are their heros and heroines and what do we need to know when working with them. and, again, still consistently left off the table is the question, struggles in relation to whom? triumphs in relation to whom or what? so, this little slice is focusing on the white role in this construct. i'm going to move between reading a little bit, listen a little bit, and some of you

mother not have ever heard me speak before and i want you to know i enjoy using humor. some of that is my style. and also it is strategic. this is so tense and so charged and has so much anxiety for us who are white, especially if it's done well -- [laughter] [applause] -- that the laughter helps release that tension. we begin to kind of zone out or tense up, and so it is a strategy to keep us open. and so much of what we say and do is ridiculous. right? and i am mocking it a little bit. i think it's healthy for us to laugh another ourselves, and if i can -- if you can laugh at me owning a way i have thought about it and how recognize you, too, have thought about it that way, hopefully again that makes

it easier for you to move through that. and i want to be really clear that it can be a little bit unsettling to be in a room primarily with white people laughing about racism and this is real, people are dying, it is a tragic, devastating construct. and so i just kind of want to name that is a strategy i'm using but it isn't ever meant to minimize. i am a white woman. i am standing beside a black woman. we are facing a group of white people seated in front of us. we are in the workplace and have been hired by their employer to lead them in a dialogue about race. the room is filled with tension and charged with hostility. i have just presented a definition of racism that includes the acknowledgment that white people hope social and

institutional power over people of color. a white man its pounding his fist on the table. as he pounds, he yells, a white person can't get a job anymore. i look around the room and see 40 employees, 38 of whom are white. why is this white man so angry? why is he being so careless about the impact of his anger. >> guest: n why doesn't he neat the effects this outburst is having on the few people of color in the room? why are all the other white people either sitting in silent agreement or tuning out. i have, after all, only articulated a definition of racism. what people in north america live in a society that is duoply separate and unequal by race and white people are the beneficiary of the separation and inequality. as a result, we are insulated from racial stress, at the same time that we come to feel entitled and deserving of our

advantage. given how seldom we experience racial discomfort in society we dominate, we have not had to build our racial stam march socializedded into a deeply internalized sense of superiority, that we either are unaware of are cannot never never admit, we become highly fragile in conversations about race. we consider a challenge to our racial world views as a challenge to our very do do it -- identities as good, moral people and we perceive any amendment to connect us to racism as unitling and unfair moral offense. the smallest amount of racial stress is intolerable. the mere suggestion that being white has meaning often triggers a rage of defensive responses. these include emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and withdrawal from the stress inducing situation. these responsibilities work to reinstate white equal lib bram

as they repel the challenge, return our racial comfort, and maintain our dominance within the racial hire, a custom conceptualize this process as white fragility. white fragility is triggered by dominance and site. it is born of superiority and entitlement. white frank jilt is not weakness per se. in fact it is a powerful means of white racial control and the protection of white advantage. all right. so, let's talk a little bit about the challenges of talking to white people about racism. the first challenge, knife meat white person who didn't have an opinion on racism sniff you're not sure that all white people of opinions on racism, bring it up the next time you're around a bunch of white people and see how that goes. can't be born or raised or spend

any significant time in the united states and not develop opinions about racism. if you are white and you have not devoted years of sustained, study, struggle and focus on this topic, your opinions are necessarily limited, superficial and uninformed. how can i say that one? i don't even know you. after all. after all, maybe you have been do costa rica. maybe you have multiracial analysises and nephews? i can say this because nothing in dominant society giveses the information we need to have the complex nuanced understanding of the most complex social dilemma since the beginning of the country. you have to devote years of sustained study, struggle and focus to get the information you need in this society if you are white. and the forces are pushing

against you getting that. you can get through graduate school in this country without ever discussing racism, can you not? you can get through law school and n this country, you can get through teacher education, in this country, without discussing racism. and if you're in a progressive teacher education program, you'll have one required multicultural class. your faculty will have fought ten years to get you the class and still fight to keep the class and that doesn't mean you'll talk but racism. might just talk about how to introduce ethnic authors in february. so, the first challenge for white people is humidity. and by the way, white progressives are my specialty. and i suspect i'm in front of a whole bunch of white progressiveses. [applause]

the work i do is with white progressives if think that white progressives are the most difficult and land the most harshly on people of color day in and day out. right? we are the ones -- if you're white and sitting here wondering if it's you, yes, it's you. it's you. just it's you. and i know it's you because i know it's me. so, there's a couple reasons why i think we're particularly challenging and one is we are actually more likely to be in the lives of people of color but also can be incredibly complacent and arrogant and we really think we're good to go. right? so, it's the topic comes up we'll put our energy to make sure you understand that we're good to go, and none of our energy into what we need to do for the rest or our lives, which is deep, ongoing, critical

self-knowledge, education, relationship build, risk-taking and actual strategic intentional antiracist actions. in case i forget to say this later, niceness will not end racism. actually, this system beautifully reproduces racial inequality. racial inequality is growing. it's not shrinking. and all the system needs to keep keeping on is white people being really nice. stay really nice and good to lunch we coworkers and smile at people of color and do nothing else because niceness is not courageous. it's not strategic. it won't get racism on the table and it will not keep it on the table when everyone wants it off the table. i like to joke when i first applied for a job as the diversity trainer and my job was

to go out into the workplace and lead people in discussions of racism thought i'm qualified for that job, i'm a vegetarian. how could i be racist? i'm a vegetarian. that was the '90ss. i'm vegan today but in the '90 saturday i was pretty good. so i am being also facetious but on some level i have this really simplistic, it's all but alternativeness and open mindedness. so i'm really clear. that has not protected me. individualism is an incredibly precious ideology in this culture, very precious, and so most white people apparently don't understand socialization. that is what i've concluded and we think that we actually are all unique and special and untown by the forces of that surround us and just as a matter of deciding we are, or saying that we are. right?

so, nothing could and nothing did exempt you from the forces of racism and so the question is not if but how, and if i'm saying, you know, most white people x, and you're sitting here going, oh, well, i'm y, okay, so most white people are x, you're y, then you want to be an individual? then apply all the ys you see that make you different from over here x and figure out how the ys set you into the system, because they did. nothing exempted you. we do tend to think if we don't see it, it isn't there or if you have not explained it enough, it can't be val limped it's not dependent on whether white people sigh it or understand it. and we tend to use our reactions as a way out rather than a way in. so, we -- if we start feeling

unsettled or uncomfortable or defensive, then we just say, well, that must mean they did it wrong, as opposed to, okay, this is actually an incredible way in. what is so unsettling for me? what is that anger about? how can that help me see how i've come to make meaning of race? what is threatening about it? what it would it mean if it was true? it's such a wonderful way in but we're so used to not being uncomfortable racially that we often don't take advantage of those moments. and we don't understand racism as a system. we tend to think about it as individual, isolated cases. matter of fact i think i have it in chapter 2, i talk but racism white supremacy. a system, not an event. but post civil rights it's a brilliantly adaptive system.

post civil righted meat a beautiful adan attention. post civil rights a assist was reduced to a simple formula, an individual -- always an individual -- who consciously does not like people based on race, must be con conscious -- and expansionly seeks to be mean to them. by that definition virtually all white people are exempt from racism and i think it's the root of virtually all white defensiveness. again, it's the system, not an event. and nothing could and nothing did exempt us from its forced. so, while all groups of color in this society, all people who are perceived and defined as not white, experience racism and we have to understand how different groups of color experience racism, how they've been positioned in relationship to each other. in other words, as a white person, i was socialized to be

functionally ill literal on the topic of racism. and part of my gaining literacy has been to understand not just the collective experience that people of color have under -- the degree i can -- but what -- how did different groups experience it. so, in other words, what i've internalizedded about asian heritage people is different than what i enter internalwide about african people and indigenous people and they are set up in relation to each other and in relation to whiteness. having stayed that i feel very, very clear, after 20-plus years of talking to white people but racism, that there is something profoundly antiblack in this culture. and that in the white mind, black people are the ultimate racial other. and that there are bookends,

white and black. and how you experience racism will have to do with what is your proximity, your perceived proximity to whiteness or blackness? and even amongst groups of color who is closer to whiteness and who is closer to blackness and how does that play out? just to really drive home this point of it bag system, i just want to give you one glance at the trajectory of antiblackness since the beginning of the country and this slide is deliberately dense. so, we can literally think about it as state, sanctioned organized crime issue quite frankly. against african-americans in this country. and it begins with kidnapping and 300 years of enslavement, torture, rape, and brutality, and it carries on, and about a quarter of the way through you see bans on testifying against

white which made it fungsly legal to kill black people in the country and you are now in i lifetime. i won't say this again becauselet of white people seem to think racism ended when enslavement ended. about a quarter of the way through you're in my lifetime, and now let's pick it up about two-thirds of the way through and you are in 2018, with copious empirical evident end employment discrimination, educational, bias has laws and policing practices, white flight, subprime mortgage, mass incarceration, school to prison pipeline, disproportion punishments, test, tracking, school funding, bias media representation, historical eye missions, and so much more. it's a system. not an event. and it's the system we're in, and i hope you can look at that slide and get that your

friendliness and good intentions are -- could not exempt you from it. african-americans are not, have never been in the position to do this to white people. white people have always been and continue to be in the position to do this to african-americans, and so we can remove the word "reverse" from any discussion of racism. [applause] there's no such thing. all people have racial bias, andes yes they can have as much able biases i have but when you back a group's collective bias give legal authority and institutional control, it's transformed. you see how many times i have to repeat this? there's a reason. so, how did we cope with the moral trauma of racism? again if we'ringing

antiblackness as an example, historically we project our sins on to black bodies. when you think but the narrative, lazy, shiftless, criminal, dangerous, i think you see that is a perversion of the actual direction of those things. but today in addition to that, we obscure the system of racism and we exempt ourselves from its forces and whether -- again, none of this has to be intentional. this is what the society does and we are part of it. we have been impacted by it. [laughter] that's last year's college champion jeopardy playoff. so that's the board at the end of the grand champion round, and as we can see, one category was left untouched, clearly the hardest and nobody wanted to

lose. i don't thick can do justice to the profundity of that disconnect. if we do not know our history and we cannot trace it into the present, we are left with the most problematic explanations for current conditions. and there's a lot that is going on with that category. the first thing is you know what's behind the category, right? civil war and civil rights. because that is their history. no. that's the history of this country. that's the foundation. you cannot understand u.s. history and separate that out. it didn't happen in a vacuum. i want to give you an example. just so you know, everything i'm saying is written in the book, but i just rather say it than stand there and read it. okay? let me give you an example of the power of the way that we tell the story. of course, everything i'm doing here is to help us see how we

get socialized into a particular kind of consciousness, those who are white, and then what the impact of that consciousness is. individualism is a kind of consciousness we hold. it's problematic. so, jackie robinson -- you know who he was -- yeah, and every year, on the anniversary of what he did we celebrate him. what's the tag line? jackie robinson, he -- broke the color line. right? you heard that? so, i want you to think about the impact of that narrative. jackie robinson broke the color line. he did it. he was exceptional. he was an exception to his group. subtext, his group is inferior. finally, one of them had what it took to break through, and to play with us. so, he is now a very special individual who is an exception to his group. now-- oh, by the weighers other

thing that conveys, and racism ended in sports when he broke the color line. okay. imagine we told the story like this. jackie robinson, the first blackman that whites allowed to play major league baseball. because that is the story. it wasn't up to him. no matter how exceptional he was, and he was exceptional, i still doubt he was the first and most exceptional black ball player, but regardless, if he walked out on that field before we said he could, the police would have removed him. so, i want to tell the story the second way not because i want to say how bad white people are because, one, it's true, and, two, i need role models. who made that happen? what strategies did they. how did they snoring what did

they face? can we draw from their lessons today when we look at racism in sports? so, again, racism after the civil rights movement became an individual who consciously doesn't like people based on race and is intentionally seeks to harm them. another thing that we're not taught about, is that most or our bias is not conscious and most of our bias that isn't conscious is actually driving our behavior, not what we think is. so, it became this either/or. that actually protects the system of racism. looks progressive, right? racism is bad post civil rights. how does it function? it protects the system of racism. show you that. i think about at the good-bad binary. racists are bad north, raises are good. we all know what size we're on.

so let's fill this. they're rig nor rant, big gotted, principle dissed, mean spirit, definitely old -- [laughter] -- and when they die off there will be no more racism. actually, i often get asked if i don't -- do i think -- by the way if you ask me a question at that time beginnings with, don't you think, the answer is, no. that's not an open question. i get asked, are young people today less racist and my answer is, no. we have race generation that certainly thinks they are and cannot engage critically whatsoever with race. and create a very -- that leads to actually a really unsupportive environment for people of color. they're definitely southern. drive pickup trucks and i believe they live in -- yeah.

i never been no fufe but on the way to tacoma i see fif and always, i think the racists must live there. so -- notice how there's classes in there who we ascribe racism to. and not racists are good, otherwise okayed, progressive, open minded, well intend essex young, northwestern, we live in seattle, on finney ridge. we live on finny wedge, just moved there from wallingford but we're all going to head to portland really soon because seattle is 0 so corporate. can't even go into whole foods anymore, it's so corporate. this is me poking a little fun as us white progressives because i'm a huge white progressive. and so we really need to get rid of this. again, if you are lying and at any point testimony in my talk

you start to feel the defensive or angry, see that if it isn't that you can't let go of the definition and if you can't, i agree with you, i'm saying -- i'm insulting you. if this what you think racism is and i'm saying you have racist patterns, then i agree, i've offended you, but this is not the definition i'm using. the other thing that comes up for white people, whether we are conscious or not, i'm perceived as if i could know something about you just because your white and we don't like that, either. as socialollist i'm comfortable generalizing. social life is patterned in predictable and observable ways. what else do we have? overse sirs race sim is a form of what sociologists call knew racism. and so a manifestation of racism

that well-intentioned people who see themselves is a educates and progressive are more likely to exhibit. it exists under the surface of consciousness because it conflict wiz consciously hell belief of racial equality and justice. averse si racism is subtle but insidious form as -- allows the to maintain a positive self-ilkment frame, have lots of friends of colonel. i just judge people by the con didn't of their character. white miami enact rail simple and many a positive self-image by rationalizing racial segregation as unfortunate but necessary to access good schools. rationalizing our workplaces are virtually all white because people of color just don't apply. avoiding direct racial language in using racially coded terms such as urban, underprivileged, diverse, sketchy, and good.

denying we have few cross-racial relationships by proclaim hogue diverse our community or workplace is, and attributing inequality between whites and people of color to causes otherren than racism. consider conversation i had with a white friend. she was telling me about a white couple she knew who had just moved to new orleans, and bought a house for a mere $25,000. of course she immediately added, the also had to buy a gun. and afternoon is -- joan is afraid to leave the house. immediately knew they bought a home in a black neighborhood. this was a moment of white racial bonding between the couple who shared the story of racial danger with my friend, and then between my friend and me as she repeated the story. through this tale the four of us, fortified familiar images of the horror of black space and

drew boundaries between us and them without if having to directly name race or openly express our disdain for black space. notice the need door gun is a key part of the story. it would not have the degree of social capital it hold if the emphasis were on the price of the house alone. report the story's emotional power rests on why a house would be that cheap because it is in a black neighborhood where white people literally might not get out alive. yet while very negative and stereotypical representations of blacks were reinforced in exchange, not naming race provided placeable deniability. in fact in preparing to share the debits tex mid friend and asked her the name of the the city her friends moved so and i want code don firm my assumption she was talking but a black neighborhood. share the text exchange here.

hey, what city did you say your friends bought a house in for 25,000? she replied: new orleans. they said they live fa a very bad neighborhood and the each have to have a gun to protect themselves. i wouldn't pay five cents for that neighborhood. i assume it's a black neighborhood, i reply? yes. you get what you pay for. i'd rather pay 500,000 and live somewhere where i wasn't afraid. i reply, i wasn't asking because i want to live there. i am writing about this -- [laughter] [applause] i'm wright bows this in my book the way that white people talk but race without ever coming out and talking about race and then there's an interesting response. i wouldn't want you to live

there it's too far away from me. [laughter] all right. notice that when i simply asked what city the house is in she repeats the story about the neighborhood being so bad that her friend need gun. when i ask if the neighborhood is black she is comfortable confirming it is. but when i tell her i'm interested in how whites talk about race without talking but race, she switches the anywhere tough. now her concern is about not wanting me to live so far away. this is a classic example of aversesive racism, holding deep, racial disdain that surfaces in daily discourse but not being able to admit it because the distaken conflicts our self-image and professed belief. reader made ask. the if the neighborhood is really dangerous why is acknowledging this danger sign

of racism? research and implicit bias has shown that perception of criminal activity are influenced by race. white people will perceive danger simply by the presence of black people. we cannot trust our perceptiones when it comes to race and crime. but regardless of whether the neighborhood is actually more or less dangerous than other neighborhoods, what is salient about this exchange is how it functions racially and what that means for the white people engaged in it. for my friend and me this conversation did not increase our awareness of the danger of some specific neighborhood. rather, the exchange reinforced our fundamental beliefs about black people. tony morrison uses the tomorrow race talk to capture, quote, the explicit insertion into everyday life of racial sign asks symbols that have no meaning other than positioning african-americans into the lowest level of the

racial hierarchy. casual race talk is a key component of white racial framing because it accomplishes the interconnected goals of elevating whites while demeaning people of color. race talk always implies a racial us and them. so, this sets us up to say some pretty superficial things. do discourse analysis. that's my area of study. and that is the critical study of language, that language doesn't describe some fixed reality the language shapes our perception of what we perceive as reality. and i do tend to think in metaphors and so listening and talking to white people day in and day out and hearing the same narratives again and again, when the topic of racism comes up issue got this nick my mind of a

dock or a peer, -- a pier and what that signifies things. one, how surface or superficial these narratives are. that's one piece. but the dock appears to be floating. you look from above it looks like it's noting on the water but it's not just floating on the water. it is resting on an entire structure underneath, submerged beneath the water, that props it up. there are literally pillars the he ocean floor that the dock rests on, and everything die in my work is seeking to get us off the top of the docks because all the bull shit on the top of the dock has not changed our outcomes. so we have to get under there and look at those pillars. how are we getting these outcomes despite how we see

ourselves? okay. so, when i his -- [inaudible] >> i actually can't locate sound because i'm deaf in one ear. who said that? >> why do people want to do that? why do they want to make that change if it puts them in a different mindset? >> well, i think we know that many of us don't but i do believe that those of white house are sincere about our desire to -- for justice, when we can really understand how what we're doing is functioning -- i couldn't do this if i didn't have some hope. that is -- there's cognitive dissidence we can't live with anymore because what we profess to values not aligned with what wear actually practicing but we're taught not to see this. so, i'm going to keep going. so this first set i think of as

color blind two set's dominant white narratives and the first, most classic is, i was taught to treat everybody the same. anybody erv heard that one? are you ready? not one single person in this room is taught to treat everyone the same. you weren't. you don't. you couldn't be. you could be told. i could lecture you and lecture you. you all now you shouldn't judge so you're not judge, are you? no judging. okay. that is what i mean. you can't treat everybody the same. you don't. and you don't on want to because people have different needs. when i hear this from a white person, there's a bubble over my head and the first thing in that bubble is, oh, this person doesn't understand basic socialization. this person doesn't understand culture.

this person is not particularly self-aware. and i just need to give you a head up to the white people in the room. when people of color hear is say this, they're generally not thinking, all right, i am talking to a woke white person right now. [laughter] usually some version of eye-rolling is going on and maybe even a wall. we are the least qualified to determine whether we really see this. so, a friend of mine that it often lead with, african-american woman says this to me is the most dangerous white person. so all of these are basically, i don't see it and if i do it has no meaning. the past, everyone struggles, my parents weren't racist, that's why i vase. my parents were racist, that's why i'm not a racistment doesn't

matter what comes first. what comes second, not me. so and so just happened to be -- fill it in -- but that has nothing to do with why no one in the department gets along with her. and this is another one i like to ask white folks to remove prom your row scab larry along with reverse. anything that beginnings we, just happened to be,ing you neighborhood just happens to be white. you just remove that from your vocabulary because it doesn't just happen to be white. it's the result of decades of policies and practices that were there in the past and there today. the other one to remove is, well, yes, but on the human level -- let's get racism off the table. heat e let's go to the human level. i might not know what race has to do withmy response to my coworker bull out the research

says race is shaping my response to my coworker. the affect i'm white and a female is shaping the way you hear me right now, whether you're awater or not. so, again, all of these i don't see it or it has no meaning, there's a question that has never failed me in my work to uncover how we pull this off. it is not, is this true or is this installs we're going to argue and argue and argue if we apply that question. that's very binary question. the question that has never failed me dish hope all the white folks take it home today-is how does this function any conversation? what happens when a white person invokes one of these narratives when racism comes up? if we apply that question i think you can see that all of them function to exempt the person from any part of the problem. to take racism off the table. to close rather than open the

exploration and in doing that to protect the racial hierarchy and the white position within it. that's how it functions in the conversation. well, if you're here tonight, hopefully you're beyond color blind and children are so much more open. i forgot that one i'm really sorry to say the following but its the reality. by the age of three to four all children who grow up here understand that it's better to be white. they do not miss the messarch not a single person in this room missiled the message. it's not singular. it's not isolated. it's 0 not dean dent on anyone one per. it's relentlessly circumstance rate around us. all of us absorb it with of course a different impact depending on if we are or are not night but children by the age of three understand it's

better to be white. so leaving them unattendes because you project racial innocence on them is not helpful. the progressives. what do we say? we say things like this. oh, i work in a very diverse environment. i have people colored in my family. me? i'm not racist. i used to live in new york. [laughter] yes, yes. i could walk down the street of new york and never lost my shit so -- this one gets used interchangeably with i'm not racist, i'm from canada. if you haven't heard these you're not talking to enough white people about racism. i'm not racist, i'm from hawaii. you know it's the white people picked on in hawaii. i'm not racist. i'm from europe.

i can't tell you how many times i've heard that and i'm just like, okay. and i'm not racist. i was in the military. apparently there's no racism in those places. sociologists have name for this one, called the ininknock calculation case. knew people of color it and stripped me of my racism and i want you to notice how often white people invoke proximity to people of color as an evidence of a lack of racism. ever noticed that. group goosh -- goo up in an wall white neighborhood but there was black family in neighborhood and they were best friend. only had bun black eacher my while life but a she was my favorite. how many of grow a conversation with a white person have heard some version of these narratives right here, these three?

all right. it will be honest we said some version of these narrative. let's do some discourse analysis. when are a white person ick invokes one of these narratives in racial conversation, they are giving you their evidence. any mind what is that's evidence of? we want 0 to make sure you -- because i'm not racist. is this not the evidence white people give authorize the lack of racism? so, in order for this to be good evidence, it must distinguish us from racists. right? otherwise it's not very good evidence. that would mean racists can't do to the things. raysys could not work three cubicles down from a person of color. could not have people of color in their family, and can't live in new york. be but i can think of at least one racist who lives in now. [applause]

now, i have yet to be able to resist that joke when i'm in front of a progressive audience, but that joke rests on the good/bad binary. res on the good/bad binary. i'm not racist and he is if think we're both on a continuum but we're both on that continuum. okay. so, are you starting to see this pretty thin evidence? i'll ask a rhetorical question to the people of color in this room. could a racist work three cube killed down from you? -- cubicles down from you? uh-huh could someone who thinks they aren't racist but is the

worst passive aggressive damn racist you ever worked with, work three cubicles down from you? and do you have white people in your life whom you love deeply and who on occasion reveal their internalized white supremacy? white people, did you hear that? could you even be married to a white person and still on occasion have them reveal they have racist world view? okay. intimate relationship is potentially very meaningful but doesn't exempt us or free us. i guarantee you i'm married to a sith man. the day he fell in love with me, his sexism did not disappears. all right. and again, we know they can live in new york. so all of this evidence rests on, again, you see what it rests on, this idea apparently that

racist cannot tolerate even the sight of a person of color, cannot have proximity and if -- we could not be racist. i was in the peace corps. i voted for obama. i'm on the equity team. what else, i'm a minority myself. i already know this. i've been to costa rica and i took a class in college, and any white person who says this to me, that arrogance. i will never say that. i will not be free in my lifetime. yes, i do less harm. feel confident that die less harm. i don't get defensive when i do harm and i have really good repair skills. but i will never know all this, and what you have just signaled to me is you don't.

and we don't like how white our neighborhood is but we had to move here for the schools. what could we do? this is a real popular one in seattle. and i think it's disingenuous. think white people like how white our neighborhoods. white people measure the value of our space biz the absence of people of scholar we do it after day. what is a good neighborhood if it isn't white? that's a powerful message. a segregated life is a good life? there's no inherent value in the perspectives or experiences of people of color? these are powerful messages and i severed them my whole life. they shaped me and i bring it to the table with me. and i'm not interested in understanding that so i can feel guilty. i'm interested to understand that so i can interrupt it. so, i don't think i have another one on there might pop up.

but unlike the first fact, this is colors celebrate. i love it. spacially love it in montesorri school when the children are color or the children of the international works tom come from microsoft. we like that. we like the right doses from the right groups. so, if we apply them a question, not true-false, right-wrong, how do the these function? we get the simple answer. they all exempt us from any further engagement. take racism off the table. close rather than open. protect the current racial hierarchy and the white position within it. that's not progressives. white people have to ask yourselves, have i ever canada what i think racism and is how that might be functioning? ever thought critically but what i'm saying and why i say it and when i say it and how it might

be impacting the conversation? so we have get to get under here , and examine that. so this is what i think the -- are these pillars of new racism. how we keep getting these outcomes. the good-bad binary ice the effective at keep us defensive and seeing ourselves as outside of it and as long as we're good people, nothing more to worry about. deep implicit bias. individualism. universalism is kind of the opposite. that we can speak for all of humanity. that we don't speak from any particular position. people of color speak from their position. when we ared into in that we'll ask them to be on the diversity team. and we won't pay them anymore, and we'll keep them on the team until they bring up racism and

then they can't be on the team anymore. but we can cover everything up. you know how many organizations automatically assign the people of dollar the race work? if we think deeply about it, a it's veer reveal what we think ray sim and is who has it. internalized superiority. i do not believe any white person can miss the message of superiority. and so i'm just going to put it out there like this. as a result of being born and raised in this society i have a raysy world view. i have deep racist biases. i have developed racist pattern. and i have investmented in system of racism which is so comfortable and has served me very well and definitely helped me overcome barriers and i have investments in not seeing any of

that. for what it would mean for my identity, and for what it would actually require me to do. i didn't choose it. don't even want it. got it. so, this is actually so liberating to start from that premise. it's not if, it's how. stepdefending, denying, hoping you point note and just get to work to figure out what it looks like in my life. and then the power of regular be gages is not in the immediate, just in every kind of institution and realm of life. all of this is raining down on all of us 24/7 and we don't have umbrellas. have, not if.

so how does -- well, all of this socialization results in some patterns. preference record racial segregation and no sense of loss about it. seeing ourselves as individuals, not understanding that we bring our history with us and history matters, and it's a history of harm. i might see myself as just robin. your friend, but the people of color in my life see me robin, my might friend assuming everyone is having our experience or could have our experience, arrogance, lack of humility. unwillingness to listen. dismissing what we don't understand. apathy toward racial its injustice, the most people people are fairly apathetic but racial its justice. show us the photographs and

video wed'll be upset but to have actual have to change day, that's just what i have concluded after doing this for a rowley long time. inability or lack of interest in sustaining relationships with people of color. want doing the big one -- wanting to jump over the hard personal work and just get to solutions. confusing, not agreeing with not understanding and most white people are not qualified to adeor disagree. and this kind of like you must have misunderstood me. if you give a white person feedback on something they've said or done is racially problematic, generally what you'll get back is, if you think that you must have misunderstood me. so then begin to explain and complain and explain until we break their spirits spirits and they give up. but what if -- that person understood me perfectly.

even understood exactly what i meant, what i don't understand is what -- how what i meant comes out of a racist framework. and focusing on our intentions over impact. it's apparently welcome that cancelled out the impact. so, when we are off our racial equick electric bum, our comfort, we have responses, and so what engenders white racial equilibrium. it's what i experience every day as a move through the world. ...

>> so it is true. hell yes we know. but i i could not ever admit that.

so what that would mean for my identity. in both of those things that are true and that's what makes us different and irrational. apathy. dominance and control. i am doing some training for a large tech company and it is racial justice trading but we were asked not to use the word white. [laughter] so apparently white people why do you have to say white? [laughter] you do not they white advantage or whiteness.

we are taught to be ignorant. i. i get that you have opinions in life experiences i don't know anyone in this room but i hope i hope i have made my case. but if you add the arrogance to that it is a deadly combination. and the entitlements of people of color they feel entitled to their labor emotional be the psychic and physical labor just to reach in and violate their space. a social worker specializes in racial trauma talks about in particular a class of people only having dominion over their own bodies so that a man following respectfully going down on one knee can erupt with

umbrage you will not control your own body. that is white fertility. lung -- rigidity. so i have never had to build my capacity i think part of that is not having to bear witness to the pain of racism to the white people of color. and refused to bear witness to the people long -- the -- the pain that i caused people. so we don't have much capacity to sustain the simplest challenge or suggestion that it has meaning but to respond very

effectively. so with that racial equilibrium i find that intolerable that i will do whatever it takes to repel the challenge. if i need to cry that is a great strategy for white women. [applause] [laughter] i will cry and what will happen besides triggering racial trauma for people of color given the history of what happens when white women claim racial distress? aside from that all the resources rise you become bad we forget about the transgression you are were trying to call me out on and i'm back in a protective place then i need to withdraw. so it is very effective in that way.

so when i coined the term fragility, how fragile we are and it doesn't take much to set us off. white people are so prissy about racism. it is weapon iced and it doesn't matter so pay attention that's what it is doing. it is not fragile at all. it functions as white function but i will make it so miserable for you to call me and to point out anything that you just won't do it.

also having these conversations with people of color they take home way more of racist aggressions because it will probably get worse. and it is connected for lifespan. i am not the 1% i have never even been a manager. but i can control people of color in my orbit through my white fragility you stay in your place and i will stay in mine and i could so use diversity as long as you fundamentally don't challenge me. if leverages behind it and we

are not interested in what caused the reaction but the impact. when we are challenged they have feelings. and it only takes one angle leave long -- angry person to shut down the whole program. and adjust and adjust. do not unsettle the white people.

so what claims do we make to justify those claims? so if you are 60s and one -- led to the 60s and you are white, thank you. i was a minority in japan, college,. [laughter] the real oppression is class. you misunderstood me you are playing the race card this is not welcoming to me i hope you are laughing because you have heard this all. you are making me feel guilty.

i went to make it harder for white people to do this. that's my goal. some people find offense where there is none. it is political correctness. the tone. to be part of the oppressed and i don't feel safe. but those who need to feel safe in racial discussions? so with deposition of power and privilege? [applause] was it mean to feel safe from that position? i think it is an illegitimate

term on the topic of cross racial dialogue speeseventeen and i write about everything that i'm talking about i have i have an article called getting slammed. it is a perversion of the true direction of historical norms if you don't feel comfortable then to be more honest and say i don't feel comfortable now everybody has to feel safe. okay. so now we ask ourselves what could be to these claims? as a a white person i will be the judge of what racism has

occurred. i know all i need i need to know. racism can only be intentional otherwise it cancels it out. but if we are behaving that way and to say something? white people experience another form of oppression. if i'm a good person a good person i cannot be racist. my perspective is equal to yours. [laughter] agree to disagree? or informed enough not even to have an opinion? [laughter] [applause] i am entitled to remain comfortable as a white person i

know the best way to challenge racism. because an ever somebody never somebody is accused of racism they say she's a nice person if i can't see it is not legitimate but i have no access to people of color i cannot be racist. [laughter] so i know nothing about racism so i would have i would have to make an argument they were less sheltered than you thank you are because what we are left to rely on for your information does

that action? function? all of that protects racism. okay. [laughter] i love this picture because it's such a visual of institutional power. all white, white, all wearing suits, all conservative animals powerful community and table in the whole nation.

and i show this picture because i want to amplify, what does it look like? i'm saying that all of this that white people have it comes out of our pores. how? i don't know what that looks like. but then they will do that by showing that internalized disparity. so just to be clear to sit there at the culmination of the smartest people in the room to be seen as solving the world's problems and if you walk in that room to people of color or white women with that power would it

be visceral? okay. so you get what it's like when that's coming out and to suggest to these men that they should get some women or people of color up in their i don't know but i uld get some women or people of color up in their i don't know but i believe to seem contempt for that suggestion they don't see anyone of value at that table. is that fair to say? i can't know that but i'm pretty darn sure they don't see anyone missing they haven't been taught to see other voices as valuable so all those people to identify in the room imagine going in there all by yourself to see their sexism.

we go help them? you can imagine how that will go. so all those who can relate to that and now imagine that this group has a moment of color on your board that doesn't sound good to you? can you see in this room i can walk in and see feelings with so much sexism that i could be here perpetrating racism in fact when white women don't because we

have a potential weigh-in in music as a way out. [applause] >> there is no more universal woman's experience than the universal human experience so where do we go from here? [laughter] i hate this question. i just see this as very disingenuous. what has allowed you to remain ignorant about racism?? in 2018 why is that your question? so if you don't know what to do then none of that will be simple.

it won't be easy and i want to i want to close with a personal example of transgression that i made recently that i i perpetrated in a meeting and how i i sought to repair that because i don't know what this was not like so working for a large nonprofit on the equity team with myself and debra a a black woman who was a codirector also another black woman so we were a team they hired a consultant to design a website a website for us for the organization and she was heading the app with the departments what we do to make our page. it was part of the equity team. so we came to the meeting in the

web developer was also a black a black woman named angela. we sit down and she has a survey it has questions but i find it tedious and annoying and i try to explain what we do. we go to different satellite offices with antiracism training and re- scare the white people. and they said they don't ever want debra back in the office i guess i guess her hair scared them. i wish i could say to you that i recognized i recognized what i had said but i didn't a couple days later marcia came to me and said angela was really offended about black woman's hair. the moment she said it i got it. in a new better. but i was making my moves i was

showing that i was i was woken the other white people weren't that i can make a joke about her hair because we had a relationship and i wasn't even conscious. so i followed a series of steps to repair that. first i called my friend and said i need to i need to talk to you. i vented all the embarrassment that i felt because i did not i did not want to run that at angela or even get with a of it so that she felt pressure to forgive me or reassure me. so i did it with another white woman. then we putter heads together to think about what i did was racist so that i could on that. and then i called angela and they said would you be willing

to grant me the opportunity to repair the racism i perpetrated on you last week at the meeting? she said yes. she could have said no and she could have said no. you are a hypocrite. if i could not that than i would that i would not make the authentic repair. so we met and sat down i never explained what i meant i just said i did this and this and this and we talked. she said i don't know you. i know trust i know trust a relationship with you and i do not i do not want to be joking about a black woman's hair with

a white woman in a a meeting i don't even know. i also owned i was making myself better than other white people which is not helpful. but then i i asked her did i miss anything? because it's too white women we feel we would miss something. she said you did actually. that survey you shoved aside i wrote that survey and i spent i spent my life justifying my intelligence to white people. i immediately got it of course had not occurred to me that she got it. how glib and dismissive i was. i apologize and then i said is

there anything else that needs to be said or heard so we can move forward? she said yes. the next time you do it, she just said if i working with you you will run your racism at me again the next time would you like feedback publicly or privately. [laughter] spee17 most people would say privately. i said publicly please. for a couple of reason as it is important that other white people see i'm not free of these pattern and give me the opportunity to be a model. okay i'm done. so now we actually have a closer relationship.

she said this happens to us every day but what you are doing right now rarely ever happens. thank you. i am sorry it was at her expense but over and over people of color say we are not looking for profession but repair so if we can't go anywhere if we don't have a a relationship it won't be authentic. and what could be under that in those pillars were transformed. and if you are a a different person when -- color in the room if white people could internalize this. that is not relevant.

racism is a multilayered system whites have blinders on i have blinders on. racism is complex i don't have to understand it for it to be valid. white comfort maintains that racial status quo this is necessary and important. i don't compute comfort with safety. and to bring history with me, history matters so i am hoping all of this came through in that example i gave with angela. and nothing except me from the

forces of racism. with conscious investments. i need to be accountable. it is a moment of trust in the matter how it's given. so it is not as relevant as the feedback itself. it takes courage to break white solidarity but what about those that are willing to step out? or get out of the way of the white full set are making waves. and for those to understand the issue. racism hurt and kills 247

interrupting it is even more important than our self-image. the 17. [applause] >> thank you so much. if you haven't got your copy. we hold 150 copies were sold in

seattle the other night. just saying you can do better. >> if 300 were sold in portland. [laughter] i haven't been there yet but i will go there in a few weeks. thank you. [inaudible conversations]