questions they so excited about learning so i realized the basically their focus was behavior management and my focus was academics summa next was kindergarten. the public school and it took about how well is a preschool place calledd kindergarten just want to be fun and half-day time. as unto me that it was 16, she said to be mobbed by i think that ial realize now where i learned that i was stupid. i was in kindergarten. so they were doing things and firm of the class we should probably the worst thing they could possibly very shy girl hundred for the class tester. and shehe did not perform as wel as she had wanted. t they laughed at her and tell you like i picked her up the teacher

said well it was so cute in class laughed like is okay if you work on her words a bit more with her so that she does better next time do nothing to think of it is a ten years for her to soar and come to grips with the fact that she's not stupid because she is brilliant she just doesn't do things away the rest of the world does. she does not think the rest of the world us and her thoughts are different. in a fascinating brilliant. and all of the time that i was going to tell her how clever she was missing things i would be like the hole and i need to write that down printed this house market work entities and thinking that i don't will the process that way. she thought i was lying to her because she thoughtfully and is, say don't send them to other people who you do not know and even if you don't know what might be of benefit about because you just don't know what theyey will say damage or child

you do enough damage to your child yourself, and alissa many austin to the mix you know the mean like when you say to parents who may not have the resources to homeschool. >> this literally the question right and i say you probably do, you just don't realizet it the reason i say that is whatever this book is guide to homeschooling, it is need toed think about education differently that having school, we don't't need the time that yu think you need to do this you don't need the money that you think you need because schools have like vast resources there always planning to go to have enough right no needles resources for you to educate your child so the plumber runs his own business, any smoke i think every child the math of a child needs winds math do you need, you run your business and your successful viciously that for a minute.

do you think that you're being successful in the world running your business is not more of an educationch for child the girls2 just graduated from teaching college knows about classroom management? because that's her focus? and here's have so much more to offer the children and education that the school does pretty and all of the answers in the book smith was another hit this acute appearance. >> that's a good question pretty it's easier they thought it would be more rewarding than you ever dreamed itt could be. so much better like going from black-and-white to technicolor. when you start the education process of the children yourself because you realize how much you have to offer them and is so much fun if you've ever taught a

child entire shooting time she would be so proud you were proud it wasas like this you have that every day with you get ready and affairs think i can't manage my children. maybe because they go to school sous they've learned that you won't manage that because you offload to the school everyday affairs think is a culturally think the teenagers rebel let's just like a given, that we've accepted it as acu culture i say no, it's a product of the school between the child and the parent, that an alternate authority figures the child is confusing if i obey this authority do i have to obey this other authority said dor not lt another authority figure become between you and your child. selena mean like to be secret is the skull parody. and it should not call it school we should not do school we should education that is parody in parenting is the education of the child. >> would you working while

homeschooling your children. >> yes yes sir can you manage that. >> so the full time job is full-time job andnd this is a 27 but the actual ever school work and i over did it, was less than three hours day for me for three kids. maybe some nice have to give up your i space up to grade the paper and read that essay until they get what they did wrong yes but i would for well drinks with thesp girls to spend time with y children every night of the week mean you make what they call sacrifices and thoseco concessis is on the flipside what you get is a product if that is beyond your wildest dream and that is reallyng the biggest sort of thg about this whole thing is schools are not better than homeschooling. the proof is there in the

homeschoolers better academically they do better socially pretty so i harbored it likes homeschoolers they've recruiting them, businesses recruiting homeschooling kids over to its and if i just viciously here a for mr. serenas like because of death for business to hire you because you've been taught to think inside of the box even institutionalized for too long and is like will be cannot fix that pretty homeschooled child is somebody typically who thinks of the box and much more free and the problem solvers to get things done themselves thereto it there sensors because the other thing about educating the child is by the textbook when they say and use of the child set them up of the text with you learn that you teachch a child o read the chapter first before trying to answer the question is answers on the chapter so the kids t learn well sweeties mysef

i don't have to do is read the book. so that you have self learners braided and they go well i really want to learn about you know combustion engines that they go to the library and then learn all about that and so is a completely different paradigm where is in school, there basically taught trying to hate morning because it is so industrialized.. it islo so mechanized that it loses his allure and so we really really about that thing you enjoy doing, do the thing that you don't really want to do right now because there's no leeway in school and this is the nature of school is why i just say so better than go because it can't be because that's theho nature of school predict. >> is your husband kevin, involved in the. >> yes he taught gymnasium.

this what he says. [laughter] yes because is very much involved in the raising of the children. as we would take them on trips with him. it would work for him. so this training that's education. which utilizes everything is educational for a child because they know nothing. as others anything just because about getting the child and the child upset so they wanted children to be the parents of the parents do things that make them not want to be different like sin the boy to school when i talked to the because the parents with the other phones or will initially the children just want to be and they want to be adults predict don't think's and to environment where they have to be a child holding. >> is there an association informalal or formal of homeschooling.

>> is several, several just google it. >> how did you sit. >> i joined possible conversations and advocate for them and not a spokesperson but ideal of the program and they over the world education me and i like it is rigorous neck and to make it does produce critical thinkers and it does produce in the children, the ability to weigh things to try to understand both sides. weol very much lost another culture because our schools do not teach that her schools teach tolerance but not the idea discernment to predict that is tolerate everything. don't discern, that sort of the overarching lesson in our school and so, possible conversations but there plenty stay door and organizations for homeschooling of estate groups to just get together and just have fun

there's a lot of different ways yes. >> what is the reaction of the children never do your young adults being homeschooled. >> they mourn for other people children who have to go to school. there stage all of them are like okay my kids want to have kids right now the 22 and 20 and 18, and they went home school. because of soil the sun remake a base 22 coming must h have a children he was obstacle them pretty the reason that he sees that as a goal is because he understands raising a child is the ultimate fulfillment of being a man. being a parent of a child, is the fulfillment of manliness. so yes, the fully indoctrinated. when is the truth and so you know ' don't regret something

away from my career for my kids i don't regret it. in fact, i'm sad for women who are proudha to have done things against their children in order to have the accolades because that's not will make your life all pretty temper carlson talked about this well this having children. well is having family relationships we are a relational being. and we squander that idea because they taught us while this money go for the money. sacrifice anything to get a good job h hyping job in the fancy cr and we reach nature we say well okay i have all of that stuff but the happy and why not and welcome to the type of wealth does not make you happy but dinner with family does make you happy. >> latest book, peers going to

homeschooling thank you for spending a fewoo minutes with us on book tv. >> thank you so much appreciate you. >> on your screen is alan hudson, her new book is called "the soul of civility," and timeless principles you'll society and ourselves alexandra hudson, we need your interest in civility come from. >> my interest in stability has been lifelong and quite adamant they came honestly my mother is called nothing jumping, judy the bitterly international expert manners and etiquette and she's dedicated to the healing social project is either that i spoke my mother's actually fun for international experts the matters that i get in judy my mother's 14 ms. manners the washington post columnist my mother is my favorite of these in the courtesy taught by

brothers nine that is minor piecing cuesys have always question them like this winter why do we do that. in aa hundred different kind of moral and underpinnings for our social connection patient but i generally follow them and he served me well because my mother said it would lead to success and she was right until i got myself and federal government and i served in washington dc for 27 — 2018 and their everything that i thought was true utility of the rules of politeness with questions. >> will in fact, you write and "the soul of civility," when i moved washington dc into good job in politics, my confidence in platonist was shaken pretty but i discovered that those who survived conceded in washington, they often did so using two tactics, punishing ruthlessness or extreme politeness. >> this exactly right and thus are two extremes that i experience when i was anything

federal government when also defined art body politics and publicic discourse but a large today as well unless on one hand people were hostile and they were belligerent and they knew what they wanted inno the use of violence get there emotional social violence to get there pretty and i first i thought they were my people and highlight these were people woud smile and flatter for one minute and then stab us in the back the next that is really perfect for boxing and it scared me pretty first about these were polar opposites then realized she sides of the same coin these extreme hostility and extreme politeness because they had a high view of the dignity and beauty of the human person the hostile contingents at times could be silent into submission

and so the play side was manipulating and used as started pretty heavy the high view mobile by virtue of our shared humanity and me to realize that central station between civility and politeness. >> who you working for the time. >> that the united states of judgment education secretary to boss. >> so going back to the soul of civility, the democracy depends on civility you write major thinkers in world history from confucius to boot up to aristotle and jesus christ mohammed and beyond and all cited human selfishness as the cost for the root of suffering and social discord they did this becausewe they were observers of the human experience is ability and selfishness.

>> so were modest about my prior the book the direction talk about the liberal were here prettya fast and really b your there's also a remarkable continuity across philosophical ethical cultural traditions about the primal sensible to have a storage even when we deeply disagree heavy keep this in competing vision together with his the essential question of our moment especially as we are met a very divisive presidential election cycle. what he found was that there is kind of a similar because this is a timeless problem and yes we feel iss a problem of instabiliy right now but actually every era has found that% moment i said look to other times in the places the wisdom traditions to say how can we revive the symbol

of civility of self-assessment inf overcoming our base instincs and help flourish across today soon equity device. >> human nature does not change we are the same today as we were the nonhumans and all kinds and all places have been defined by two competing forces love with others and of itself profoundly social when we become fully human relationship is evident and yet poorly and biologically we are driven to meet are needed. reporter: others this of who we are our intention in the timeless problem and challenge to civility and flourish with others across time but just as timeless, is a solution the solution is a i discoveries civility which is the art of human front of enforcing the bare minimum of respect we are owed and of the others by virtue of our shared humanity and it is more the near politeness more

just going to the rituals of etiquette and narrative is not just politeness but the outward form of goodness and virtue his abilities and inner disposition of the heart in the way of seeing others as our moral equal and we are worthy bare minimum of respect and i'll be given the course will sometimes respecting somewhat and having someone requires telling them that you think they are wrong and be infighting telling the truth and engaging them in a robust debate i feel too often take we are selling from the politeness niceness and spec and told us that we held actually respect people we hold back and we actually respect ourselves when we go back and we will speak up and we have things to say. >> when timeless principles,

alexandra hudson, when he comes to disagreeing with somebody politically, how would you approach a. >> one thing to do and this is what i drafted in my final chapter on forgiveness and he did talk about how curiosity is an underrated superpower of the 21st since regulated age of categorical moral certainty we think that we know everything about someone somebody said who they are the only opinion on one thing this one election cycle, we use that as a thing to say well therefore ig know everythg about you either went to my life right don't and instead that sort of categorical black-and-white thinking about what many to be curious to say no, recognize it every single ones of us is intimately complex if you about the world. ands what is it like to be curious about instead of saying like this is your view on donald trump i knew anything about you

instead of saying well so interesting that you have that opinion into me more and how did you come to that it is an underrated superpower curiosity being open curious not just thinking you know something about everybody. in another think that a thing to be very helpfulci especially in our all-encompassing 24 presidential election cycle,is s actually counterintuitively talking about politics less predict argument but that we've actually is a société have made idle religion out of politics and political views and as traditional touchstones with meaning such as community has been on this decline in recent decades and people have been not in the identity but in politics political candidates and issues. these are symptoms that i see if this misplaced crisis meaning that is detrimental to our

democracy and ourselves and again swing which people canan o from zero to 60 you know peaceful and find it just the mere mention of an issue and you put their sacred trees something they care deeply about an insufficient investment and they symptom up and activated the fighter five because you have aggravated the core aspect of who they are we see that, that's a symptom of 70 must misplaced their core identity and meeting politicall issue in the second symptom is iniquity politics every previously life, and grocery shop really what we send her kisses going the everything is a political dimension to it in ways did not of of the was not the case of years ago and again that first souls were

overdoing the prophecy were undermining democracy as a result we need to break this third symptom is limiting the prices of it. this tragic number of people who've ended chips or family relationships over politics and political disagreements and again controversial issues as a risk in the relationship and instead of seeing that the risk in theff context of that relationship are a lifelong friendship, the sake well i cannot have you in my life anymore pretty is aer symptom of disorder that somehow should be when you actually the democracy means to be less making it and recovering thing survives give us joy and beauty is sublime curiosity cultivating friendship and get over doing democracy undermining our democracy at the same time. >> and you writing a book, "the

soul of civility," and he worked in the trump administration at donald trump's descendents to the pinnacle in american public life was a stressor in her nations, and a world's problems within civility. >> waypoint you know, early draft of my book did not mention donald trump once right i don't want to mention him in my bucket it is not a political hello. i left government after deeply just want to disillusion the experience because i desperately you're to be part of the solution and i want to buy work to be reconciliation and healing and dialogue you don't want avenue that be mentioning him as with that's just yes like they were judge michael look at how i was d treated truck self did not mention him. i was persuaded to at least have is one paragraph about him and when i say is there's no question the donald trump

effecteds a public like no question but it was misguided it assessment is a very because our problems instability and show that throughout the book s i shw that the oldest book in the world within 2350, bc, for millennia ago about civility people been grappling with this question of how the rico assess for a very long time. we miss diagnosis the problem and say that he's a problem the moment he's gone, were going to be suppressed because are still quite be a stability problem and yess like controversial public figures technologies things general and will always cause threats and contribute instability but a single closet this misguided and wrong. >> you know moved to indianapolis from dc and what were you doing prior to putting this process. >> local education policy and lofty, wisconsin that he did my

history andnd philosophy rather than the intellectual and storytelling. i wanted it work to be ideas how we can help people so i did my masters in public policy at economics connecticut married and lived in because with many husband it was working for a federal judge there and knowser tank education policy and is my big break to move to dc the offer that cost the federal government. i was fresh out of grad school and undergrad where he had this ideals i would ideas for giving america's education better. and it was just so disillusioned. [laughter] work for the government pretty to see off little actually could be done and how will i can select cdc difference between dc comesdianapolis, when it to civility. >> is a greatat question so i remember the day very clearly fall 2017 letter ten months into

my tenure federal government, chemo monday and i said to my husband to come up from india originally i said done with washington dc and was politics and the swap let's move to indiana is my idea to have their any but always on a moving there because was family and have children there any said okay, sounds good movie and again i take backs and humans later we were out there. andob i put the dogs in the governor's officeow in my mind about making the transition is escaping this will the toxicity the political inkling and i was living life blissful of the american midwest that was my vision released that's what i thought it was getting into it what i noticed is the human condition is the human condition is not better time replacer geography or locale politics indiana politics dc same

dynamicsck human nature will stl be the backbiter people who are angling for power and success did not last longer either there was much more the same that i just fled from the government so after he failed that a second time and if i the second job in indiana, my husband said okay, we focus on this book. that's what i really threw into it and threw myself into a headache indiana did teach me a lot about civility. first rent it into get, she came up to me after church one day and she said hi, i'm doing testing would you like to porch with us in private i never heard that were before is a verb form but he curiously went to her home the day and realize that joanna staging a quiet revolution against the divided and alienated status quo from the vantage point and across

politics and across class and geography race just to assure space that is radical and deeply divided deeply silent a moment and i'm like super people people across the country hundreds of thousands doing this i think they think i can't control who's goingin to win the 2020 electioi cannot control is happening dowe road but ios can control myself and i'm going to choose to make my sphere of influence of more beautiful place. >> book is called "the soul of civility," timeless to heal society and ourselves and the author alexandra hudson. >> and on yours screen out as ronco she's the other this book, broken bath, america's american immigration policy "the broken welcome mat," new chapter in the beginning of the book called foundation of her national

identity when you go back to martin luther and the founding of the country we talk about immigration smith see important to his is a country of immigrants many people understand that when does that mean some people argue we are not so ibo think it's very important to talk about this because america and you and me, means so much more. such as a country make a living as a family we have a set of ideals.ow but it's actually meeting something to especially people like me grew up since the regime is important to to go back to the founding just a group of people that we would befall us here. some of the best ideas of the

civilization. we property rights and these ideas to this land. and something to give us hope and generations of peoplemm immigrants, they pursue that same dream adams our effort as to the combination as well as individuals at one of the great country in the world so that's why think it's important to go back from early on she said the record straight why america. as such an ideal and big hope for people with so many people very different foods. ... that you're an immigrant. what's your story. i'm an immigrant from a china. i was born and raised in china. i came to this country in 1996 as a student and i became