that advantage as well, it became solace for me to talk to people i didn't even know but had called me and said they've been through it. i called and they gave me their phone number and they'd call. just something to say you can make it. so hang on to each other. you should know only 1% of you have fought these wars. and much less than 1% who fought

the wars are going through what you're going through. we owe you more than we could ever repay you. my prayer is that that smile will come. sooner than later. i promise you it will come. god bless you all and may glod protect our troops. thank you. [ applause ]

what a true message from the heart. thank you so much to our special guest. [ applause ] we are honored to have such special friends as the chairman and his wife and vice president and dr. jill biden. they truly as you can see from

their words and their presence with us here today and their hugs and their words of encouragement how much their hearts go out to each and every one of us and how much they truly know and understand and they are with us and they support us. and we are just so pleased to have been lucky to have them join us today. thank you very much again to our special guest. [ applause ] it is now my pleasure to introduce a lady that most of you know. she is a person that has been part of the taps family since its very inception. she comes and gives us her words of wisdom, her words of hope, her words of a sheer journey and her laughter and her humor.

she is truly a friend, a dear, dear friend of taps and we all love her so very much. it is my privilege to introduce to you now dr. darcy sims. [ applause ] >> i will tell you, i have never had to follow the vice president. so forgive me if i'm note as sparkling and awesome, but how amazing for him to come and share his story. not his politics. his story. he truly is one of us. he truly is.

[ applause ] we have a couple minutes before lunch so i get to fill in while they're finishing is sandwiches. thank you all for coming for your courage, for your patience today, for putting up with some of the extra stuff that has to go on when we have such very special guests. i'm a military daughter. i'm a military wife. i am a military mother. 36 years ago when our son died, there was no taps. there were no support groups. there were no books. we were told to be strong. it wasn't acceptable to talk about it. i learned very long that grief

will wait for us. it will wait forever for you. and i'm so grateful we have a family. this is our clubhouse for the weekend and we're here. and thank you for coming. even though you're not -- some of you, i see the suitcases under the table. you're going i don't know if i'm going to stay. i'll give you another ten minutes, and then maybe i'm going to go. please give us the next ten minutes and the next hour and day because every single person in this room has been where you are now. every one of us who wears a red shirt has been where you are now and we didn't believe we'd be here again and again. but you see us hugging each other. it's a family reunion. that's what this is. this is our family. my job as the opening speaker is to give you a couple of tips on how to survive this circus.

one is have a little patience. have a hug. a hug goes allot farther than a harsh word. we only have a couple of potties so take your time. hug each other. give yourself permission to be here. you need a pair of track shoes if you've already read the schedule. however, you don't have to go to everything pace yourself. sometimes just going up and laying on your bed face down is a pretty good idea or just sitting in the chair in the lobby and snoozing if ar second. go to every workshop that you think sounds good. i will tell you why on behalf of all the speakers here if it turns out not to be the right workshop for you get up and go. don't cause a big scene, just go. say that wasn't what i thought it was. it wasn't where i am today. and every speaker will be okay with that. this is your time. do what you need to do. bring a little patience.

be prepared for all of the emotions we've got. all of them. sometimes we come oour heart lighter. sometimes we come with a heart heavier this year. sometimes we're not even quite sure we have a heart left. you're going to need a lot of kleenex, or perhaps kleenex isn't enough. because what i've learned -- they put a box up here for short people. what i've learned over the years is this isn't enough. have you ever noticed if we need a tissue we say may i borrow. do you want a borrow a tissue? oh, yes, thank you very much. here, have it back. but i learned a long time ago that people if they have tissue that will give us one. there you go. hope you're over that soon. it's been three or four days. you ought to be better by now.

do you know by the third or fourth day it's worse. because we were so numb in the beginning we had no idea what we were doing and as we go through the weeks and months of early grief it almost seems as if we're thawing and defrosting and it does feel worse, so if you're in that stage you're right where you need to be. but one isn't going to do it. so if you're a crier like me, i'm a professional crier. i figured out a long time ago i would have to carry 30 or 40 of these packs glued all over me with velcro. or just every morning go in the bathroom and get your toilet paper. now i loved them this much and all you have to do. you know i'm going to do this so i do it. you just stick it in your pocket and out you go. now is anyone going to notice? yes. everyone is going to notice

that. are they going to say something to you? no. how do we know that? because we have all seen someone come out of the restroom with a little bit on the back of their shoe and none-us say anything to them. we go look at that. we don't say excuse me there's toilet paper on their shoe. if they do, you can look at them kindly and say very clearly, i'm bereaved. and nobody knows what that word means. so they're going to go okay. that's fine. and if they continue to conversation just look at them and say, i'm prepared. but i've never had anybody go farther than that. cry if you need to cry here. laugh if you can. and you'll learn you can do the same. is it dishonoring our loved ones

to find joy again? oh, lord, i hope not. in fact, you can do no less. if you ever laughed with your husband or wife or son or daughter or mother or father or broir or sister or aunt or uncle or grand prairie or battle buddy or ex or fiance if you ever had a laugh with them during life you can do not less than to bring it back. we've always had choices? who to date, who to marry, what should we do? and then other choices, do you want to bury them, do you want to cremate them, what funeral home do you want to use? and then we have other choices, do i want to wake up this morning? do i want to breathe today? what am i going to do with the stuff? and as grief moves through us we have more choices and some of you are at choice points today. the choice can i stay, can i make it, can i meet with this strange group of people who wear toilet paper in their pockets?

what do you choose to bring with you? what do you choose to remember? i want you to also remember they lived. you can choose a good memory. you can choose joy. you can choose gratitude. you and i are blessed beyond any measure we could count because someone walked into our life whether they walked in our life or born into our life, they snuck into our life. we have no idea how they got here. and we feel hopelessly and madly in love with them and aren't you glad we did. i wouldn't have missed a moment. i think the truly bereaved in the world are those who have never known love at all. you and i in this room are rich

beyond measure because somebody lived and we loved them and we still do. [ applause ] we did not lose them. we did not lose them. they are forever and always right here, right now. we talk in the present tense in this room because they're still here. that's what makes the tears come down our face in the beginning i hope some day will bring a smile to your face. you will find mentors who are bereaved who have been here for a long time who have taken special training and willing to sit out to you and sit all night if we need to. and to cry and to sing and to

dance. not in sadness, but in gratitude that somebody loved me that much and that didn't go away. that go away. they died, but i didn't lose them. neither did you. change the language, yes they died and that's a hard word to say. but lost is a hopeless word. no matter what you believe religiously or spiritually, no matter where you believe they are, they are right here, right now threads in our fabric to wrap around us in the darkest of nights. never to be forgotten. choose anger for now. choose guilt for now. choose joy for now. choose to grieve one more time. you can do no less in honor of our loved ones.

in honor of their livings. we're linked not through the death of someone we loved. you and i are linked through the love of someone we still love. it's in this room. i want you to spend all weekend telling your death story. we have support groups. we have sharing circles. we have workshops. i want you to tell your death story until you are threw with it. and it may take months. it may take years. but when you see me in the hall this weekend, would you tell me a life story? would you pick a moment that makes your heart sparkle? it's been a very long journey for me and i choose joy every

single moment. i am forever blessed because i have been loved by a little boy and an old man, a general and a pretty good dog. so right now as we're getting ready to start our weekend will you reach out to the person next to you and just hands. wipe your hands off. we'll play the waltons here for a minute. and we now in this room are forever linked through the love of our husbands and wives and sons and daughters and brothers and sisters and grandmas and grandpas and best friends and fiances and battle buddies and all of the people who dance across the rainbows ahead of us. we are in this room now a family circle. broken by death but mended by

love. wblg home tapss family. you're many the right place. welcome home. [ applause ] during this holiday week we're featuring some of american history tv's programs here. tonight we begin at 8:00 eastern with reporting and censorship during the war. at 9:00 eastern three original members from the band of brothers and two actors from the hbo mini series.

american history tv normally seen weekends primetime all this week on c-span3. retired join chiefs of staff chairman jenco lin powell recounts his military career and political career as secretary of state under president george w. bush in his book, it worked for me. tonight mr. powell talks with npr about his collection of 44 stories of his life. book tv.org has it live tonight at 7:00 eastern. you can be successful without being great. but you will never be great without being successful. if the whole goal is to have, have, have to get, get, get, more, more, more, if that's all it's about, then you're chasing success. and in truth you're probably really chasing significance.

but it can't just be about the chase for success. we must always be concerned about what it means to be great and in my tradition greatness is in. he who is greatest among you will be your servant. >> watch commencement speeches by notable figures from the past three decades online at the c-span video library. this is c-span3 with public affairs programming during the week and every weekend american history tv. get our schedules and see past programs on our website. you can join in the conversation on social media sites. the candidates running in the june 5th wisconsin recall election held their first debate last friday. republican governor scott walker and democrat candidate milwaukee mayor tom bare et discussed various issues in milwaukee.

the hour long debate was hosted by the wisconsin broadcasters association foundation and this is a rematch of the 2010 state governor's race as scott walker defeated tom bare barrett 52-46%. >> live from the studios of membership membership public television, the wisconsin broadcasters association foundation presents a statewide broadcast debate between the leading candidates in an historic governor's recall election. and now the president of the wisconsin broadcasters association foundation. >> good evening we're pleased this evening to continue our public affairs broadcast tradition. this evening's debate will engage the two leading

candidates in the first governor's recall election in the 164-year history of the state of wisconsin. governor scott walker and milwaukee mayor tom barrett. this evening's debate is made possible in part through generous grants from the wisconsin association of independent colleges and universities and wps health insurance. and now on their behalf -- >> good evening. this is my friend rolf from the wisconsin association of independent colleges and universities. >> along with wps wisconsin's 22 private nonprofit colleges and our more than 60,000 students are pleased to sponsor this gubernatorial debate. to be competitive in the global knowledge economy wisconsin needs to expand educational opportunity. wisconsin's private nonprofit colleges have been committed to

excellence in education since before wisconsin became a state. we believe that an educated and civil debate focused on the issues is essential for moving this state forward. >> we've been insuring wisconsin's health since 1946. in that time we've seen our society and government grow in challenges especially in health care and health insurance. we hope that our sponsor shoip of this debate will gain an understanding of how each candidate will represent us and governor this state. >> please watch us in watching this debate in thinking about the future then make your voice heard by voting on tuesday, june 5th. >> the format for this evening's debate will allow for each candidate to make an opening statement to respond to questions from a panel of reporters and to have one opportunity to ask a direct question of his opponent.

and finally for each candidate to make a closing statement. the order of responses has been previously decided by a coin flip. our panelists this evening include bob dore, news director for the radio stations of the dore county daily news in sturgeon bay. erin davison reporter, anchor for wfrb tv green bay. and a reporter anchor for wtjt tv milwaukee. we'll begin with a 1:30 minute opening statement. first, from governor walker. >> thanks, john. thanks to the panel and most of all thanks to all of you for tuning in all across the state of wisconsin. two years ago i ran for governor because wisconsin faced both an economic and a fiscal crisis. at the time we had lost more than 100,000 jobs and the state faced more than a $3 billion budget deficit. we knew we had to take action. we balanced that budget without raising taxes, without massive

layoffs and without cuts in medicare. we added money to medicare. the program that fund badger care and family care we put more money in the medicare than any governor in wisconsin history. instead we chose to balance our bug through long-term structural reforms to help to balance not just our state budget, but our local government budgets as well. what we did was thinking more about the next generation than we did about the next election. isn't that what you elect us to do. the good news is our reforms are working. that's why our opponents don't talk about them anymore. we documented more than a billion dollars worth of savings that's led to property taxes going down for the first time in 12 years on a median valued home. that's high the state of wisconsin now has a budget surplus of $154 million and it's why best of all jobs were created in 2011 and since i was first sworn in as your governor more than 30,000 people have gone back to work. we're turning things around. we're heading in the right direction. together we're moving wisconsin

forward. >> mayor barrett, your opening statement. >> i want to thank you for hosting us tonight. thank you to all the people and listeners. this election is not a rematch or a do over. because we can't do over the decision of scott walker to start a political civil war which resulted in this state losing more jobs than any other state in this entire country in 2011. a decision that tore apart the state and made it impossible in some instances for neighbors to talk to neighbors. for relatives to talk to relatives for workers to talk to co-workers because it was too bitter a fight. we can't do over his decision that put his national ambitions had of the state of wisconsin. as he traveled around the country and became the rock star to tea party activists and billionaires who have funded his campaign with millions and millions of dollars of contributions. money that he has used to

distort my record. this isn't a rematch or do over because we can't do over the fact that scott walker's administration has been investigated. a criminal investigation that looks at the activities of some of his key aids while he was county executive. and his decision, his refusal to release secret emails that were on a system that was in his county exec tiff office and his failure to tell us who is raising his funds. this is about the future and about who will put wisconsin first. i will put wisconsin first. >> thank you. our first question will be from bob dore from mayor barrett. >> good evening, gentlemen. >> good evening. >> the first question is why are we here? 20 months ago on this same stage the two of you debated before the 2010 election to see who would be elected to a four-year term. what's your view of why we're back here less than halfway through that first term? >> i think i answered that question in part in my opening

statement. what we're really here because governor walker made a decision. he made a decision that he would try to divide this state. and he used phrases when he was talking to his key donors like he was going to drop the bomb and he was going to divide and conquer this state. and he has. he has divided the state unlike anything we've ever seen. and as a result of that, what we've seen in this state is we saw hundreds of thousands of people, hundreds of thousands of people in this democracy who decided that they wanted a change. they wanted an opportunity to get a governor who would put this state first. a governor who would focus on creating jobs in this state and not traveling around this country trying to enhance his national image. a governor who would restore trust to the governor's office. a governor who would end these divisions where neighbors can't talk to neighbors. and they want to governor who is going to