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the latest in nonfiction books and authors. funding for c-span 2 comes from these television companies and more including charter communications. >> charter is proud to be recognized as one of the best internet providers and we're just getting started building 100,000 miles of new infrastructure to reach those who need it most. >> charter communications along with these television companies support c-span 2 as a public service. hello. hey, good afternoon. welcome to the 41st edition of the miami become fair. [ applause ] all right. i am patrick. i work here at the college and

this event is possible due to the miami-dade college and our family and the volunteers and let's give a round of applause to all the volunteers that are helping us today. >> so the room is full. we have an exciting session coming up. i have a few words to offer about our sponsors and then i will introduce our -- let me just say thank you to the green family foundation. the children's hospital to amazon and to j.w. marriott and marquee and the friends of the fair.fair -- do we have any friends of the fair here? [ cheers and applause ] . give yourself a round of applause. we always need friends. everyone needs to more friends. we'd like for you to become a friend of the fair.

departure from our normal go procedure. we won't have a q and a after this one. there's no book signing. we'll spend all of our time enjoying the rock bottom remainders. right now, i'm going to introduce our introducer, mark cass.. he's been a practicing attorney for 40 years. he and his wife donna who's an avid reader, are the proud parents of four children. who have been book fair volunteers for many years. his in-laws were lifelong supporters of the arts in miami and in particular strong supporters of the book fair. and he's proud to be the presenter of tonight's program on behalf of the palley family, including his wife donna. here, let me introduce mark

cass. good afternoon, everyone. as i expected a very poorly attended event. it's my pleasure and honor to introduce our guests this afternoon. i may ambe dating myself but i feel like a little bit of taller and modern-day version of ed sullivan who 60 years ago introduced to america another historic rock and roll band. so without any further delay and with a caveat that parts of this introduction were supplied to me by dave barry, please welcome, on s willy, on guitar stephen king. dave barry. mitch albom. on guitar dave barry. on wigs scott dutrow.

on awkwardly standing around. on backup vocals, mary carr. on whip, amy tan.d, joining them in conversation is moderator lisa napoli. the word's smartest and most literate rock and roll band the rock bottom remainders. [ cheers and applause ] hi, everyone. hi. hi. oh, my goodness. dave barry roped me into this because i'm a longstanding groupie of this band, i know all their secrets. i have a copy of the only book only written that's been b remainder, 1992? yeah.

you can mug many for this later on. i have been hugging around for 15 years. because i live with the group manager ted, who i still haven't married much to dave's chagrin. amy, dave, phen, ridley, roy blount, okay, you got a fax and then all thof a sudden this cam about, so how did that happen? stephen, you tell the story so well. well. >> dave. [ laughter ] a wonderful woman named kathy from san francisco -- literary escort. >> describe -- >> she would take you around to the interviews and get you back

to the airport. rock musician in san francisco, had this idea that she would get a bunch of authors together to play one time, one time a fund-raiser for literacy or some cause. amy once said we'd do this to kill the whales. [ laughter ] . we were going to do this one time. she sent fax to a whole bunch of people. d,all the people who were goingo be in this band became the rock bottom remainders. we were not good. musical director -- still not good, i should stress that. roy cooper, respected rock and roll producer. after our first rehearsal said, you got us together at the end of the day, when we start today we stunk, now we stink a little bit less, maybe we'll just be a faint odor, but so we played a

show and at the end of that show, stephen king. >> i sat in the lobby of this place where we played, i guess there was a lobby there. or maybe we went back to the hotel. a long time ago. it's hard to remember. the fog sets in. this was 1992. believe it or not. we were all -- we had black hair. >> or hair. >> or we had hair. that's true. and i said to dave, you know this is really too good to just do it one time, i mean, we could do it again or we could do it a bunch of times and write a book and that would be, you know, it's like my wife says that lobsters are an excuse to eat

butter.r [ laughter ] >> the way i feel about it is, the book was an excuse to play shitty rock and roll. the other thing that al said the first time, we played something, i guess it was a song -- al said let's do it again and try to make that quantum leap. so that's how it happened. and so, we did a rock and roll tour. >> one of aretha's old buses. >> yeah, it was aretha's old bus. it had the most amazing kitchen and that's what happened. >> and roy, you were part of something -- still the critics chorus, what's that. >> you know how you can tell a

writer can diagram sentences, an author who can't turn on the mic. >> marcus. >> joel. we have now said joel and matt twice. you're right. it was our job to make it clear we were not pretending to be a good band, because anybody who had us as the critics chorus was reasonable in its ambitions. >> tell them the genre you named it. >> it was some kind -- yeah, what was it? hard listening. yeah, i have a little of that,

too. >> as long i've been hanging around with you, i've never really erunderstood how amy cam to be the dominatrix in the band. how did that happen? >> i thought, when kathy asked me to join i thought it was about costumes, i didn't know i had to sing, so i was freaked out. the first song, i sang this sweet love song. when it came to the second show, al cooper said i picture our sweet young amy wearing thigh-high boots, leather and a cap and she's the dominatrix, i said that's the most sexist thing i heard. kathy wisely said, we can always sing something sweet like "bye

bye love." i realized this is about being really bad and that you'll see, if you come to the show they're really -- they are really bad and need a lot of discipline and it turns out that's become my signature song.ti oh, that's supposed to be a surprise. you don't know that when you s come to the show. >> singing in public is akin to a public execution is what you said in this book. >> i did ? >> yes, you did. >> we had a really good compliment i remember from bruce springsteen, do you remember that? we were at the roll and roll hall of fame. nancy sinatra is in the audience, i really didn't think she was. bruce springsteen said later he was in the ack, you guys aren't

that bad. but then he said, but if you get any better you'll really be bad. that's the difference between bad and really bad. >> i want to ask ridley and mitch, and sam, real musicians, but let's talk about the rock and roll hall of fame a little bit, it's my understanding, you got busted at the rock and roll hall of fame, because of mitch impersonating elvis against the rules. >> what happened is, we had played twice at the rock and roll hall of fame, which is sad, right, including the party that opened the rock and roll hall of fame, every major rock musician in the world was going to be there that night, if one played it n,would be a diss on all the others, if they picked us they

would haven't to listen. so they picked us. stephen walked in. stephen sings "stand by me." who's right in the front? >> ben e. king. >> i'm the guitar -- i'm carrying the guitar case. hit this guy really hard and apologized. it's steve cropper, who's a treally good guitar player, a professional. another time we played, we were cleveland and with us that night were frank mccourt, and roger mcwynn, he used to play regularly with us, but why, we were in one of the rooms, they were singing and singing. pounding on the door the guard comes up and tells roger and

frank to shut up. >> did you get arrested? >> nathey threatened that if we didn't -- it would have been c good. >> but the -- at the rock and roll hall of fame at that fund-raiser the manager of ha building said your contract specifically says no elvis impersonators. >> i didn't know that. [ laughter ] >> i said i guess we're not coming back. >> you should probably context yalize that for everyone who wasn't there. >> so when i was a very young man i was a musician and i lived over in greece or ended up over in greece in the island of crete, at a fishing island, i got a job singing there and it was so remote that i did elvis songs and i think they thought they were original, and so i

kind got used to doing these elvis songs. i would dance around. when we got to band, dave asked me to be in the band and somehow they asked me, do an elvis -- i can do an elvis, then came a jacket and the wig, i didn't know it was illegal. i do it so badly that i don't it qualifies for an elvis impersonation. if you come tonight i'd encourage you to leave before that song. it's three before the end so you can scoot out. >> you got to look up mitch and burt bacharach, you can see him interviewing him. it was an amazing night. ridley, you're a real musician, too, what was your thinking -- >> nothing real -- same way i got a fax from kathy, she said i have no idea who's going to be

in the band, at that point i think i sold about 12 books but i was out on author tours. i received, it was three, four weeks later i received a fax back and she said so you're going be the bass player and here's your band. amy tan, barbara kingsolver, stephen king, dave barry, and i just about fell out of my office chair. so i struggle on bass behind everybody. but it's been a ton of fun. we had a legal problem and an injunction against the band, there's a certain creative horror writer in the band and he likes to improvise lyrics. so we would repeatedly sing this one song that it's illegal for me to mention and as you got into -- as he got into the lyrics he would begin to make them more horrific, spleens on the ground and other things, but

this got around somehow to the people who licensed this song, and they said you may not mess with our lyrics. and we said, this is stephen king, we can mess with anything. [ laughter ] >> they filed an injunction against us. but we had a secret weapon -- we had dave barry. >> well, okay, i used to do this -- it was the -- what was the name of the company in. >> i don't want to name it. >> i used to get the whole audience to say it, a bodily part that's very bad to say. that was our revenge to them.e but stephen, the lyric, this is not the one we got sued about. we were doing a song "last kiss." do you remember what you sang? ♪ when i awoke she was lying

there ♪ >> i don't remember. >> this is what he sang one night. ♪ when i awoke she was lying there, i brushed her liver from my hair ♪ >> just to clarify i think it was vial of crack. >> now your going to get sued. >> sam, kathy the foundress of this group, because sam actually married kathy. everyone loved kathy but sam married her. >> i loved her, too. so i married her. well, what i have to say about that is, i mean, this band is so much fun, i got to tell you, this is like family and he's actually like family but this band is like family and i love playing with this band. i always told people i married

kathy, my brother's dave, i got into the band via double nepotism. but kathy was a wonderful person, and she -- i don't think i met anybody who wanted -- she would get all of you up here to do something if she could, she just loved getting people up singing, playing whether or not they were good. >> okay, scott, let's talk about your antics, because they're kind of fun and sort of surprising if you have never seen this show. how did you develop your character? since you have no musical talents whatsoever. >> right. >> sorry. >> it started from the emphatic need to make it clear to everyone that these people don't take themselves seriously if d they let me on stage with the. and so, originally i was

recruited and i was so desperate to be a member of the rock bottom remainders when they said, well, you know the only opening we have for another chick singer. i said okay, i'll be the chick singer. okay i started appearing in wigs and feather boas and you know the rest is history. >> and you liked it. >> i liked it. >> alan came along and he outdid you with a lack of rhythm and lack of musical talent. >> i wrote a book with dave and during the course of writing the book, would you like to become a remainder, i said i can't sing or play an instrument, he said, already you're overqualified. to this day i would be shocked if my mic was actually turned on. okay. [ laughter ] >> i don't think it's ever have been. >> mary is in the middle of all

this. >> i thought i was the reason we are here. amy and i were friends. and let's face it, everybody, there's too much testerone in this band. i have some dominatrix tendencies myself. amy, i don't know why you asked me to do it. but, i also am gravely untalented musically speaking. and probably every other way now that i say that. but, you know, i had such a crush on everybody and just on the experience it's a hair brush band, it's not -- it's not -- it's humiliating. [ laughter ] >> you know, i've been

humiliating before. look at my childhood. but, no, i mean, when people say it's like family i've got to say we don't see each other that often, when we cross paths we see each other in pairs and quartets. and throuples. i'm trying to be discreet. but, yeah, i think always had go-go dancer tendencies. if you have any dirty dancing experience this is the place for you. >> let's talk about the real f rock mavens who played with y, like bruce springsteen. >> i'll tell this story. >> okay. >> because i've told this a lot of time. we were in l.a., in a little

club, and we were playing, maybe a 1,000 people there, right, dave, okay, that's big for us. and we finished and we were run off stage and they're still clapping, remarkably, and someone yells, we should do an encore, because they often don't clap after we have left the stage. and so we start running back on the stage and i see this guy in like a reddish pink shirt and i thought he was the janitor, he e was skinny and kind of ragged looking, he start running back on and he takes a guitar. i thought that's weird. the janitor is taking the guitar. probably better than us anyhow. so he comes running out, we run back on the stage and i was standing on the riser because that's where the keyboard is and dave is front of me, now this guy has this guitar on -- >> my guitar. >> he took dave's guitar.

he got it. fiddling with it. i lean over to dave, i go, dave, who's this guy? dave turns around and goes bruce springsteen. he had a cap -- >> i had to ask him. we had one song left. our encore is always gloria, which is a very simple song. [ laughter ] but i had asked bruce ce springsteen, bruce, do you know gloria? >> i had to sing backup with bruce and -- >> to whom? who's the lead on that song? want to confirm. bruce springsteen and stephen king sang backup. >> it was dave barry. >> thank you. >> it was dave barry and that's

a very simple song, it's only three chords and i'm looking at bruce springsteen's uvula in his throat as he's singing g-l-o-r-i-a. there are three chords but i got them all out of order. it was crazy. i was totally star struck.ea >> well, i don't know if remember this, you introduced him and we had been playing for a 1,000 people and they had been nice to us, we thought we were doing really well and steve goes, we don't usually let people come on stage but we'll make an exception because this guy says he's pretty good. bruce springst -- those thousand people became 10,000 people. right? it was the loudest thing we

heard. we do "gloria." i didn't know there were three chords. i have to learn the other chord. so and bruce, dave would sing the lean and bruce would rise up and go "gloria." and we finished and we're so elated with our finishing that we run off stage. never remembering that bruce springsteen is famous for doing 3 1/2-hour long concerts, he would have stayed out there we could have done anything. we ran off stage and missed our opportunity to do another song with him. word had gotten out that he was there, so we got locked in the to basement of the place while the cops came to clear the club out, so we were stuck, or he was stuck with us and that's when -- i have a picture, we're all gathered around him, we all look like we're 5 years old, like this, that's when he said, amy

said it, she goes, you guys aren't that bad but i wouldn't get any better, because if you get any better you'll just be another lousy band. and we took that as gospel and have lived by that. >> the other -- the other really besides roger mcginn, they loved us, for ten years he played every time he could, he would play gigs with us, it was in different, he had like a small more fanatic fan base. there's a bar in coconut cove, called the tourist, some are you familiar with it, some nights we would play here at the book fair, sometimes we would try to play a gig the night before to try to learn the songs. and so i called tom, the owner,

do you think we can come play? t a band will be there that night' they'll let you use their stuff. we go up there. i'll never forget, the play is jammed but not for us, we come in and pick up our stuff, i go, ladies and gentlemen, i'm dave barry, amy tan, stephen king, the guy at the bar goes, no it's not? not. [ laughter ] >> ted, tell us about the time that robin williams opened for you in san francisco, right. >> so, 2003, i had written robin williams' "people," invited him to open for the remainders and qnever heard anything until th afternoon of the gig. i get this call.

and i'm quiet and ridley is the official worrier in the band. he looks at me like something's wrong. he said is everything okay? i said everything's okay, is it okay if robin williams opens for the band tonight? >> then we ran over -- we nearly ran over -- who did we over in the van? >> the governor of california. [ laughter ] >> we played at the filmore. i remember standing next to you sound-checking, do you realize who's played here? like jimmi hendrix had played here. who else? >> gwe played with -- >> you played with santa na. >> gloria gaynor.

she would not stop singing it. she sang it in english and all the way through in spanish. then through english again. spanish again. it was her hit. it was her big hit. she wasn't going to let go of it. >> anybody who wanted to play with you that you didn't allow, amy. >> i can't say, the people said no, kathy asked, we all said yes and there were people who were pretty big authors. >> they would say i'm a really good guitarist, you think that's going to get you in this band? [ laughter ] >> you need us. you need me. >> but we do miss greg, the novelist. who was -- >> he's watching. >> who's a tremendous guitarist.

he played with a lot of different bands and, you know, he's just a fantastic guy, and he said to me one time, he said you'll sing. don't fear the reaper. i said, why ? and he said, don't be -- stupid. because you're you. and i said, now, wait a minute, greg, you wanted to do the long version, don't you, because you want to play that guitar break in the middle, don't you and he said, yes, i do. i said, okay, but i will not play guitar in this, in this song. what i'm going to do is, cow bell. i got to -- i got to have more cow bell. i got to have more cow bell. so that's what i did. man, it was great.

i was fantastic with that cow bell. [ laughter ] >> have we talked about the audience reaction to steph's presence on the stage? >> let's hear it. >> at one point. i don't know what city we were in -- >> chicago. >> chicago. we looked out and there were women out there holding their hands up with fire coming out of their fingernails. >> their fingernails were on fire. >> the rest of us never got there, just steph. >> ridley sees these women standing in front of steph with fingers on famous. he said, i never want to be that famous. >> early on, your wife brought large panties and threw them up -- stefen, your wife brought

panties. >> now we're talking about panties. can we go back to dominatrix because amy got a letter about inaccuracies about bondage in your costume. i don't know anything about all of that stuff. you got some sort of letter. >> how would i know? lot of people think i'm a professional dominatrix. it was wearing a collar, we had to read out loud, no, it does not wear a collar it's the submissive one that wears it and it was this sincere letter, we would appreciate letting people know that it was inaccurate. so, yes, i'm schooled and i wils be un-woke now. >> accuracy. i think amy schooled the dom --

the s and m community. >> i'm a good girl, too. i write mother/daughter stories. [ laughter ] >> you've been happily married for a very long time. >> 54 years. >> yes, that's a pretty long time. [ applause ] >> and he's been part of the band and has nearly been killed by these guys. yeah. >> killed? >> that's true. first of all, before i forget, greg is watching on c-span, we'll say, hey, greg, we love you. we sound bad without you.he amy's husband lou, is lou here. lou's here. there he is. come here, lou. [ applause ] so i'm not going to give too

much. amy does a very dramatic thing and lou has to play the part of a motorcycle person who's involved in a crush and so he used to do the crash, he would dive on to the stage, crashing, and every time we would do it we would get a little bit more elaborate with it. hey, there we are. finally, we're in new york cityi and lou does the best crash ever. he does go down hard. very dramatic, exciting. he's riding. he's riding in pain now. we didn't do that before. steph and i were standing in exto him, we decided to make it even funnier, we're kicking him and riding in pain, really funny hilarious. nawe get off stage, where's lou lou's in the hospital, lou fractured your collarbone and managed to complete the tour

still odoing the act but not falling quite as hard. >> that's the perfect segue to the very famous spleen story. >> the dave barry hour here. >> scott can tell this story. >> one night, our band we've been told that practice the songs ahead of time. that's our secret. we play the gig, we should have practiced those songs ahead of time. but it's too late then, so we go to the bar. we do a gig in new york city, go to the bar and i'll be honest i had a little too many vodka gimlets. i'm trying to follow two conversations. scott is telling us this long complicated thing about this spleen, i keep getting confused. twice i interrupt him to say,

wait, i thought you don't have a spleen.rs scott goes, i don't have a spleen. scott is ica gentle man, he tak a sharpie and writes on my right forearm, no spleen. which solved the problem for the evening. we all igo to bed, not togethe we're not that kind of bed, we have to get up early to get a train to boston, i get up early in the morning, very little memory of the night before, staggering to the bathroom and i catch sight of myself in the mirror, there are words on my arm and it says no spleen and no idea -- urban legend about this salesman who's in a hotel and this woman slips him a mickey, he wakes up the next morning, we have harvested your kidney., so for just a few horrible

seconds in new york i thought, oh, my god, they harvested my spleen. but i don't know where to look, you know, i don't know where it is. [ laughter ] does anybody? and so, gradually my brain reboots and i think, oh, my god, who would harvest your spleen? anyway, that was the worst thing that ever happened to me on the tour and it was scott dutrow's fault. [ applause ] >> i've heard that story a hundred times and i always laugh. there's an incident i think it was at the rock and roll hall of fame and steve, someone came up to you and thought you were steven spielberg. >> well, i've been mistaken for

steven spielberg a lot. [ laughter ] and it's very difficult, i'm, you know, 6'3" and he's 5' nothing, he's film director and i'm a writer. the similarity of the names, i guess, stephen king and steven spielberg. but actually that's an uninteresting story to me. what's an interesting story to me, we had the critics corner to start with, we had all these critics and none of them could sing and none of them could play that was really kind of like their purpose, they just kind of screamed -- >> i think we were pretty good on short shorts. >> short shorts. ♪ we wear short shorts ♪ >> short shorts, yeah.

so anyway, we decided that we were going to do that song by -- wild thing. and we decided to give joel, the critic for the san francisco examiner a solo, okay, he had a little thing that was like a sweet potato and it would go -- that was the middle -- that was the solo for wild thing, you know -- ♪ wild thing, i think i love you ♪ in rehearsal it went terrific. he gets on stage, and he blew so hard that no sound came out at all and little by little, i mean you had to see it because he was bald and little by little this

red would rise, it was like a thermometer, until his entire face -- he's blowing his ass off and no sound is coming out at all, afterwards he said, how'd i do? i said, joel, you did fantastic. [ laughter ] that's my one remainder story. >> thank you. okay, writing, think everyone can agree is really isolating, lonely kind of profession. i do it myself. >> pitiful. >> yes, if we can go down the row, what's about this band, it's fun yobviously, what's different about what you're doing here with each other compared to when you're sitting at home working typically. >> for one thing we never ask each other what are you writing

and where do you get your ideasw [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> the worst question -- >> but steve had a great answer to where do you get your ideas, i didn't know this, if i had known it i would have written many more books. >> i don't remember. >> he said, from a little store -- >> a used bookstore in utica, new york, then i got into trouble by utica for that. you can't please everybody. i could have said paramus, but, you know, yeah, yeah. but the thing is about what we do is solo job. i mean, every now and then some of us will collaborate on a book. it never really goes extremely well. [ laughter ]

it's always tough, you have to supplement your ego in a way, but with the band, you know, we can actually talk with our peeri and we get to fulfill our childhood fantasies and so, we still play like we're in childhood, so, you know, it's a great, great gig to have. it's a great to have the band to blow off a little steam. and man, i love seeing all you guys. i love you, man. [ applause ] >> roy, were you going to say something? >> was i going to say something? steve just brought a tear to my eye. i was going to say writing is more like playing the ocarena

alone. >> alan and mary, you're new. >> we're new, but yet we feel old, don't we, darling. >> incredibly old. >> no, i mean, writing is like butchering eels. they say what musicians do is ig playing. and you said childhood dreams, it really is more like, we just laugh all the time mostly at not with each other, i got to say, plus everybody's -- you guys know this, you're probably in this room for this reason, is that people who read and write are often really articulate, you know because they spend a lot of time thinking about words, b and everybody on this stage is an inspiration as a writer, both in their practice and i got to say it now. i got to say it. and they're hilarious. they're just, there's not one

that doesn't crack me up and they are, because they're lonely and sad -- [ laughter ] because no one sat at their cafeteria table, this is the cafeteria table we needed. [ applause ] >> you know, samuel johnson once said, he was talking about women preachers and dancing dogs, this is in a time before everybody got woke and what he said was, you don't expect to see it done well you're surprised to see it whdone at all. and we feel that way a little bit about what we do, but you know, whether you're writing books or whether you're playing music, or whether you're just kind of goofing off and doing the stuff that we do sometimes

in the band, you'll see tonight. we're entertainers. t okay, this is what we do. we're supposed to take you away for a little while, from whatever it was that you were worried about and just kick some ass and have a good time. that's it. [ applause ] >> what i appreciate the most is that none of the members of the band has ever come over, i have a nephew who wants to be a comedy writer. can you read his 1500-page screen play, that's never happened. >> toh. >> too bad. >> i was getting ready to. >> i think that you have a song prepared to play today. it might be a little early, but, are ?we equipped to take audiene questions? do you want to do the song first

to get everyone primed or are you ready. >> we were thinking about doing a song for you, but we're a little nervous about it. is it okay if we do a song? >> want to stress ahead of time, we haven't practiced this a lot. >> we need a sax player. is josh around? >> josh? >> do you want to contextualize the musicians? >> our saxo. hone player, highly trained professional. josh, is our drummer. >> there are a few real musicians who joined the remainder. a that's their secret and they're here now. >> we're a literary band, so we want to do a literary song.

this is a song about a book we all know and love very much. it's just a famous book we all love, a lot. or at least we had to read it. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ moby dick ♪ ♪ moby ♪ ♪ want to tell you a story about a big whale, he got a big head and a great big tale ♪ ♪♪ mob yishgs dick ♪ ♪ that's not the thing that makes him such a sight ♪ ♪ his great big body is entirely white ♪ ♪ moby dickdick ♪

♪ he's nasty and kind of mean ♪ ♪ look at that there he goes ♪ >> you're moving. ♪ moby dick ♪ [ laughter ] [ laughter ] ♪ one day moby he was swimming around ♪ ♪ a cap named ahab tried to take him down ♪ ♪ ahab messed up and fell off the ship ♪ ♪ and moby swallowed his leg like a pringle chip ♪

♪ moby dick ♪ ♪ he's the baddest thing you've ever seen ♪ ♪ kind of nasty ♪ ♪ he beat that boat like a tambourine. >> there he blows! [ laughter ] ♪ moby dick ♪ ♪ well, ahab came back for another try ♪ ♪ he took a harpoon and he let it fly ♪ ♪ moby dick ♪ ♪ things got rowdy and thing got vicious ♪ ♪ moby dick ♪ ♪ now old ahab sleeps with the fishes ♪ ♪ well, he's the baddest thing you've ever seen ♪ ♪ kind of nasty and kind of

mean ♪ ♪ he made love to a submarine ♪ >> there he blows! [ laughter ] >> we're fading out now. ♪ moby dick dick ♪ ♪ moby dick ♪mu [ applause ] that was the highlight of my life. just so you know, just so you know, we don't practice all the songs as much as that one as you'll find out tonight. >> you were trying to say something, i'm sorry. you were going to say something -- no. >> not me, i'm a girl. >> we can wrap it up here. should we take a couple questions. let's take a couple of questions. okay, before we have a mic at somebody with a question, you're

all complained in this book about getting older, 30 years later yiyou're really old. any wisdom about aging? no? don't do it. okay. okay, i'm just killing time trying to get to the question. is there a microphone where people -- >> here's a mic. >> okay, we have so many microphones up here. all right, so no wisdom. all right, let's have a question. i can't believe you sang that song on c-span and stephen king said "f" word twice. only he could get away with that. okay, thank you. >> hi, i'm so nervous, but my question is for mr. king, i was wondering if when you start writing some of your novels which i have been reading since

i was 14 years old and i'm a lot older than that now, so thank you, thank you. do you know if it's going to end kind of badly or medium badly or like really, really, really badly? >> where do you get your ideas from? >> that was for me, right. yeah. i usually it's like plotting the course of an ental ballist missile, if you get in the neighborhood and a big enough explosion it's going to be okay. i don't necessarily know where the book is going to come out. i sometimes have an idea but i don't -- i let the book tell itself mostly. yeah, yeah. that's it. >> thank you. >> thank you. next, please.

so first, i want to point out that taylor swift is making a lot of money at her concerts, you're smart people but i think you should take a cue from her and go out on tour. [ applause ] but, last night we had the pleasure of listening to amy tan talk about her new book and she told the most wonderful story about her role tonight as the dominatrix and barack obama. i think people need to hear that story. >> i had this automatic answer when ipeople say what do you play, what instrument do you play? i play the instrument of pain. which you'll understand later. the other thing i play the dominatrix. one night, talk about name drop, i was having dinner with barack obama, president obama at the white house, seated across from him, he said i heard about this band. i'm kind of nervous. when you're nervous you don't

have a filter on and he said, what do you play? i said, i play the dominatrix. oops. i play also leader of the pack and i think you should join the band you're the leader. [ applause ] >> i got to tell you a story, the ofirst time that we got together in los angeles to do this, this first gig, which we thought was going to be our only gig, we were waiting for amy and amy didn't come and at that time you know, she was just -- i don't know -- dressed in black or something and the guy turned , her away, he thought she was hooker. [ laughter ] >> that's another qualification. >> i think that one story we

haven't told about the reach of stephen king, which is that our bus broke down. we were traveling in one of aretha's old buses and our bus broke down, we pulled into the pull-off thing and the door opened and there was a guy standing there with a copy of "stand." wanting it to be caught autogra. how did he know? >> one of you said something, if you all died in the bus crash what would the headline be -- >> stephen king and others killed in a bus crash. [ laughter ] >> it's not his fault. another question. >> excuse me, mr. king, you once wrote, you said this quote about robert e. howard, you had positive things about him at first, but in the very next sentence you said, everything

else was terrible. the edition of all of his books, conan books, they all only use the positive part of the quote, they cut the rest of the quote off, how do you feel about that? [ laughter ] >> what do you think about that, stephen? >> i'm not sure we know. i think we'll go to the next question, sir. thank you so much. >> ohello. first off, if you ever need another dominatrix let me know. this is for stefen king, if you could play with any fictional characters from any of your books, who would you choose and what instrument they would play. >> maybe larry underwood from the stand. i can't think of anyone else right out -- >> that's good. >> i got a new book coming out

where it's a soul singer and i'd love to sing with her. . >> very exciting. thank you so much. >> hello. i really like all of you but i'm here to ask stephen king a question. [ laughter ] >> stephen you said that tabitha took the draft of carrie and d pulled it out of the trash, d she get a cruise, what was the reward for pulling it out of the trash. >> she pulled it out of the trash -- >> she pulled carrie out of the trash. >> what was the reward? >> what's your point?rd she pulled it out of the trash and how did you reward her for

that? >> i bought her a hair dryer. >> that's good. >> i mean, we were living pretty much hand to mouth and i got this call on a sunday, my wife, she was up seeing her mother and father in another, another town in maine, and he said, carrie just sold to the paperbacks, i said, did we get a little money? he said $400,000. and i went out to buy tabby a present. it was sunday, bangor, maine, nothing was open except for you guys remember this, an old chain called ricksaw, i went in and i bought her a hair dryer, man, she was thought it was really

great, but she thought the money was better. [ laughter ] >> anyone lined up to ask roy blunt jr. a question, anybody. >> i've got one, a couple back. come on up. >> one person. >> i'm actually supposed to manage the line and cut it off, but since you asked, roy, your d essay i may have sung with jey jeff, something i think about when i see you here, he passed away recently, and you're still here. [ laughter ] >> yeah, because i only sang once with him. he was a -- i used to make a living staying up all night with people and then remembering some of it. and i did that with jerry who was kind of a saint of staying up all night. and but i got up on stage -- i may gotten up on stage and sung

"drop kick me jesus through the goalpost of life." hence the title. it can't do that anymore. in case you were going to attempt to take me out and get me drunk and roll me -- >> you still have your spleen? >> couple more questions, two more questions before we have to get ready for tonight's show. >> my blood pressure is currently over dam. so, my wife has been -- been a good one. has been a good one, kind of like one of your horror stories, you know, we just won't really get into that, but -- >> talk into the microphone. >> just if you can do your question, sir, because we've got to -- >> just ask a question. >> wrap it up. >> okay. i have a sharpie in my pocket. can you sign my body so i can

get a tattoo? >> direct. >> that's better. >> what? >> sorry. i have a sharpie in my pocket. i was wondering if you could sign a piece of my body and i go get it tattooed at the tattoo parlor. >> just a reminder, questions typically begin with a "w" or an "h." >> uh, no. no. i won't sign a piece of your body. >> thank you. >> but i appreciate the offer. >> okay. this is our last question. >> good afternoon.on it's been a pleasure. the question is for mr. king. aside from visiting ca, is there any terms you conjure dread within your manuscripts, your books? >> so aside from visiting unica, are there any specific inspirations you have for conjuring dread the

way you kind of really bring it on in most of your manuscripts? >> how do you conjure dread besides visiting utica? >> i think of dave berry. it works. it works every time. i've worked with dave. i've tried willie pierson. it's really -- i don't know why everybody doesn't do it booirges d but i'm glad that they don't because i can put my kids through college. wa>> and buy your wife another hair drier. >> thank you all. >> thank you all. see you tonight. >> i want to -- i want to thank you all for coming, but the band is playing at 7:00 p.m. on the main stage. it's off the shell stage.

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