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infrastructure to reach those who need it most. charter communications along with these television companies report c-span 2 as a public service. fair. all r hello.o. hey. good afternoon. welcome to the 41st edition of the miami book fair. all right. i, i am patrick nellis. i work here at the college, and this event is possible due to the miami-dade college and our family of volunteers. let's give a round of applause to all of the volunteers that are helping us today. so, the room is full. we have an exciting session coming up.

i have a few words to offer about our sponsors and then i will introduce our introducer so let me just say thank you to the green family foundation, the necklace children's hospital, to amazon, and to the jw marriott at brickle, marquis, and the friends of the fair to me have any friends of the fair here? right. give yourself a round of applause. we always need friends. everyone needs more friends. talk to our friends about what the benefits are. we would love for you to become a friend of the fair. in a departure from our normal procedure, we are not going to have a q&a after this one and there is no book signing. we will spend all of our time enjoying the rock bottom remainders and right now i'm going to introduce our introducer , mark katz. mike grew up in connecticut the son

of i librarian mother and he has been a resident of miami and a practicing attorney for 40 years. he and his wife, donna, who is an avid reader, are the proud parents of three children, jordan, breanna, and alyssa, who have been book fair volunteers for many years. his in-laws myrna and sheldon polly , were lifelong supporters of the arts in miami and in particular strong supporters of the book fair, and he is proud to be the presenter of tonight's program on behalf of the family, including his wife, donna katz, and lisa pali. me introduce mark katz. in afternoon, everyone. as i expected, a very poorly attended event. it is my pleasure and honor to introduce our guests this afternoon. i may be getting myself, but i feel like a bit of a toller and

modern-day version of ed sullivan, who 60 years ago introduced to america another historic rock 'n roll band. so, without any further delay, and with a caveat that parts of this introduction were supplied to me by dave barry , please welcome on base, ridley pearson . on guitar, stephen king. on her monica , sam barry. on keyboards, mitch albom. on guitar , dave barry. on wigs, scott, the emcee of the band, roy blount jr.. on awkwardly standing around, alan zweibel . on backup vocals and attitude dancing, roy blount jr. , and on whip, amy tan. and joining them , joining them in conversation as moderator lisa napoli. ladies and gentlemen , the

world's smartest and most literate rock and roll band, the rock bottom remainders. >> hi, everyone. hi. hi. oh, my goodness. dave barry worked me into this because i am a long-standing groupie of this band which means i know all of their secrets, and i even have a copy of the only book they have ever written that has been remaindered, which has been, 1982 i think it's from? so you can make me for this later on and get everyone to sign this for you tonight. i wanted to start by asking, even though i have been hanging around for about 15 years, because i live with the groups manager, ted, who i still have not married much to dave's chagrin, and promised that the band would play if i did get

married, amy, dave, stephen, ridley, roy blount. okay. you got a fax, and all of a sudden this came about, so how did that happen? stephen, you tell the story so well. >> dave. >> so a wonderful woman named kathy goldmark, who was a literary escort in san francisco >> escort? >> literary escort. we go on a book tour, she would take around to the interviews and get you back to the airport or whatever. was also a rock musician in san francisco, had this idea that she would get a bunch of authors together to play one time, one time, a fundraiser for literacy, or some cause. we would do this to kill the whales. but, but, the idea was we were

going to do a one time, but she sent faxes out to a whole bunch of people and everybody who said they would be in this band became the rock bottom remainders . and we, we did our one show. we were not good. we had a musical director. we are still not good, but our musical director was a guy named al cooper who is a very well-respected rock 'n roll producer and musician, and after our first rehearsal, he said, he got us all together at the end of the day and said in the morning, when we start out today, we stunk. now we stink a little bit less. may be eventually we will just be a faint odor. but, so, we played a show, and at the end of that show, stephen king -- >> i sat in the lobby of this place where we played. i guess it was a lobby there. it was cowboy boogie, or maybe

we went back to the hotel. it is a long time ago. it is hard to remember. you know, the fog sets in. this was 1982, believe it or not, and we were all, we had black hair. >> or hair. >> or we had hair. that's true. and i said to dave, you know, this is really too good to just do it one time. i mean, we could do it again, but or we could do it a bunch of times and write a book, and that would be, you know, it's like my wife says that lobster is an excuse to eat butter. okay? and the way that i feel like the book was an excuse to play shady rock 'n roll. you know, the other thing that al said that first time, we played something, i guess it was 6432 79 or whatever it is, and

al said let's do it again and try to make that quantum leap to palatability. so that, that is how it happened. so, we did a rock and roll tour. right? and it was -- >> we used one of aretha's old buses. >> it was a rita's old bus. it had the most amazing kitchen. that is what happened. >> and you were part of something called them of the critics chorus? what's that? >> you know how you can tell a writer who can diagram sentences? if he doesn't know how to turn on a microphone. i'm on. i'm on. yes. the critics chorus was joel sullivan and matt groening, and, i dunno, local. dave marsh. exactly. right. right. right. right. julia markers. >> joel silvan.

>> joel silvan. >> matt groening. >> we have now said troll and matt twice. our job was to make it clear that we were not pretending to be a good band, because anybody who had us was, you know, reasonable and its ambitions. oh, it was, you know, some kind of, what was it? what was it? >> hard listening? >> hard listening. i have that in two senses these days. hard of listening. >> you know, as long as i have been hanging around with you, i never really understood how amy came to become the dominatrix in the band. that is a through line, and there are so many stories, but amy, how did that happen?

you are such a -- you know. >> when kathy asked me to join i thought it was just about costumes. i did not know i had to sing i was freaked out, so in the beginning of the first show i think this really sweet bye-bye love song. and then when it came to the second show, al cooper that i picture our amy, he said this in a fax, i picture our suite young amy wearing thigh high boots, leather, and a cap, and she's a dominatrix, and i said that is the most sexist thing i have heard. and then kathy wisely said, well, we can always saying something sweet like "bye-bye love." and i realized that this was about being really bad, and, you will see, if you come to the show, they are really, they are really bad, and need a lot of discipline. it turns out that has become my signature song.

oh, that is supposed to be a surprise, see you don't know that when you come to the show. >> you say singing in public is a can to an public execution is what you said in this book. >> i did? >> you did. it has been a long time. >> we had a really good complement, i remember, from bruce springsteen. do you remember that? and we were at the rock 'n roll hall of fame. and somebody said to me to freak me out, nancy sinatra is in the audience, and -- she wasn't. but bruce springsteen said that later he was in the back, and he said you guys are not that bad. but then he said, but if you get any better, you will really be bad. and that is the difference between bad and really bad. >> i want to ask, and sam, real musicians, but, let's talk

about the rock 'n roll hall of fame a little bit more first, because it is my understanding that you got them of this is before my time, you got busted at the rock 'n roll hall of fame? i think that was because of mitch impersonating elvis against the rules or something like that? >> what happened, we had played twice at the rock 'n roll hall of fame which is sad, right? including the party that opened the rock 'n roll hall of fame. the thinking was every major rock musician in the world was going to be there that night, and if they picked one of them to play, it would sort of be a diss on all the others, but if they picked us nobody would even have to listen, so they picked us. stephen walked in, stephen sings "stand by me," and walks in, and who is right in the front? eddie king. i, i am the guitar, i am

carrying a guitar case and hit this guy really hard and apologized and he's like -- stephen cropper was a really good guitar player, a professional. but anyway that was one time we played pick another time we played, we are in cleveland and with us that night is frank mccourt, the great frank mccourt, the late great frank mccourt, and roger mcglynn of the birds are used to play regularly with us. why? and we were in somebody's room after the show, and we were drinking wine and beer. frank and roger who are both irish start to sing irish folk songs and they were singing and singing and pounding on the door and this card comes up and tells roger mcglynn and frank mccourt to shut up, right? >> too get arrested i hope? >> no, but they threatened that, which would have been, you know. >> but the, at the rock 'n roll hall of fame at that fundraiser, the manager of the building came to me and said your contract specifically says no elvis impersonator's.

>> i didn't know that. >> and i said i guess we are not coming back. >> you should probably contextualize that for everyone who wasn't there. >> so when i was a very young man, i was a musician, and i lived over in greece, or ended up over in greece in the island of crete and a little fishing village, and i ended up getting a job singing, and it was so remote that i did elvis songs and i think they thought they were original, and, so, i kind of got used to doing these elvis songs, and i would kind of dance around the tables and everything like that, and then when we got to the band, dave asked me to be in the band, and somehow they asked me, you know, do an elvis, but i do an elvis, and then came a jacket and a wig, and i didn't know it

was illegal, though. i didn't know that i had actually broken any laws. although i do it so badly i don't really think it qualifies as an actual elvis impersonation. if you come tonight, i would encourage you to leave before that song. it is like three songs from the end, but that is how i, i still end up doing the elvis. >> you have to look up mitch and bert bacharach. google mitch and bert bacharach. it was an amazing night at live talk that way that ted runs. a little plug for ted. ridley, you are a musician, too pick what was your thinking when you got -- >> the same way. i got a fax from kathy, and she said i have no idea who's going to be in the band. at that point i think i had sold about 12 books, but i was out on author tours and i received, it was three or four weeks later, i received a fax back and she said you were going to be the bass player and here is your band. amy tan, barbara kingsolver,

stephen king, dave barry , and i about fell out of my office chair, and i said me? so i struggle on bass behind everybody. it has been a ton of fun. we did have one, you mentioned a legal problem, and we did have an injunction against the band, and that is because there is a certain creative horror writer in the band, and he likes to improvise lyrics, so we would repeatedly see this one song that is illegal for me to mention, and as he got into the lyrics, he would begin to make them much more horrific. there were mentions of spleens on the ground and other things. well, this got around somehow to the people who licensed this song, and they said you may not miss with our lyrics, and we said this is stephen king i'm a we can mess with anything, and they filed an injunction against us, but we had a secret

weapon. we had dave barry. >> okay. i used to do this with, with the , what was the name of the company? i used to get the whole audience to say instead of -- a bodily part that is very bad to say. that was our revenge to them, but stephen, the lyric, this is not the one we got sued about, but stephen went -- i don't know if you remember this. we were doing a song called "the last case," one of those teenage death anthems. do you remember what you saying? ♪ when i awoke ♪ she was lying there -- >> i don't remember. >> this is what he's saying when i. ♪ when i awoke ♪ she was lying there ♪ i brushed her liver from my hair. ♪ ♪ >> just to clarify, i think it

was "vile of crack" in teen angel? i want to talk with sam for a second about kathy, the founders of this group, because sam actually married kathy. everybody loves kathy, but sam married her. delete kathy. >> i loved her, too, so i married her. what i have to say about that is , i mean, i love, this band is so much fun. i've got to tell you. this is like family. and he actually is family, but this band is like family and i love playing with his band, but i have always told people that i married kathy, my brother is dave, and then i got into the band by a double nepotism basically. kathy was just an wonderful person, and she, i don't think i've ever met anybody who wanted -- like if you, she would get all of you appear to

do something if she could. she just loved getting people up singing and playing, whether they were good or not, and thus we have rock bottom remainders . >> scott, let's talk about your antics because they are fun and sort of surprising if you've never seen the show. did you develop your character, since you have no musical talents whatsoever? >> right. it started from the emphatic need to make it clear to everyone that these people do not take themselves seriously if they let me on stage with them, and so, originally i was recruited, and i was so desperate to be a member of the rock bottom remainders when they said, well you know, the only opening we have is for another chick singer. i said okay, i will be the chick singer. i started appearing in wigs and feather boa's, and the rest is history.

>> and he liked it. >> i liked it. >> then alan came along and sort about didier with a lack of rhythm and lack of musical talent. >> i wrote a book with dave, and during the course of writing the book he said hey, would you like to become a remainder, and i said, well i can't sing or play an instrument. he said already you are overqualified. and to this day, i would be shocked if my mike was actually turned on. okay? >> i don't think it ever has been. >> it is actually not turned on. >> literally shocked. >> mary is somewhere in the middle or all of this, or edge of all of this, but she is better looking than alan. >> no, i mean, amy and i were friends, and let's face it, everybody. there is too much testosterone in this band. >> there used to be a lot more,

actually. >> and i have some, i have some dominatrix tendencies myself, and so i think amy, i don't know why you asked me to do it. you know -- >> too much testosterone. >> but i also am gravely untalented, musically speaking, and probably every other way now that i say that. but i, you know, i had such a crush on everybody, and just on the experience. it is a hairbrush band. it is not, it is not -- it's humiliating. you know, that i have been deleted before. look at my childhood. but, no, i mean, when people say it is like family, i've got to say, we don't see each other that often. we, when we cross paths, we see each other in pairs and throttles, you know, quartets.

>> i want to hear more about that. >> i'm trying to be discreet. but yeah, i think i always had go-go dancer tendencies. i think if you have any "dirty dancing" experience, then this is the place for you. >> let's talk about the real rock mavens who have played with you like bruce springsteen. >> i will tell this story, because i have told this a lot of times. so, we were in a way. it wasn't the rock and roll hall of fame pickett was l.a. , we were in a way. it wasn't the rock and roll hall of fame pickett was l.a. we were in a little club and we were playing. there were maybe 1000 people there, right, dave? that's big for us. we finish, and we ran offstage, and they are still clapping remarkably, and someone yells "we should do an encore," because they often don't clap

after we have left the stage. so we start running back on the stage, and i see this guy in a reddish pink shirt, and i thought it was the janitor. he was skinny and kind of raggedy looking wego, start running back out, he takes a guitar pick i thought that's weird the janitor is taking the guitar, but you know, that is probably better than us anyhow. and he comes running out, and we all run back on the stage. i was standing on the riser, because that is where the keyboard is. dave is in front of me and him he comes out and now this guy has his guitar on. >> my guitar. >> dave's guitar. he's got it on and he's fiddling with it. so i lean over to david i go, dave, who is this guy. dave turns around and goes bruce springsteen. you know, you could have fooled me. he had a cap and all of that. well, i had to ask him, we only had one song left.

we don't have that many songs, and her encore is always "gloria ," which is a very simple song. if you take a guitar and throw it on the ground it will play gloria. but i had asked bruce, bruce springsteen, bruce, do you know gloria? >> you know, i had to sing backup with bruce -- >> to whom are you singing back up to, steve? who sings weed on that song, steve? bruce springsteen and stephen king sang back up to? >> it was dave barry. it was dave barry. yes, it was dave barry , and that is a very simple song. it is only three chords. and i am looking at bruce springsteen's uvula in his throat as he is singing gl o ria , and i messed up the cords.

i did. there's three chords, but i got them all out of order. it was crazy. i was totally starstruck. >> well he, you, i don't know if you remember this, but you introduced him. we have been playing for 1000 people and they had been nice to us. we thought we were doing really well. and steve goes, we don't usually let people come on stage with us. we are going to make an exception because this guy says he's pretty good. ladies and gentlemen, bruce springsteen. he only got to the t, and those 1000 people became 10,000 people. it was -- right? it was the loudest we had ever heard anything. they all mobbed the stage, and we do "gloria," i didn't know there were three chords. i have to learn the other two. i thought there was only one court in that song. bruce would just come you know, dave with swing -- ling the lead and then bruce would go, gloria, and we finished, and we are so elated with finishing

that we ran offstage, never remembering that bruce springsteen is famous for doing 3.5 hour-long concerts. he had no place to go. he could have stayed out there. we would have done anything. we ran offstage and missed our opportunity to do another son with him. and then word had gotten out that he was there, so we got locked in the basement of the place with him while the cops came to clear the club out. so, we were stuck, or he was stuck with us, and that is when we all get, i have a picture, we are all gathered around him and we all look like we are five years old, like this, and that is when he said, like amy said, he goes, well you guys aren't that bad, but i wouldn't get any better, because if you get any better, you will just be another lousy band. and we took that as gospel and live by that. >> the other, the, the other really -- besides marjorie

mcglynn, bruce springsteen one time, lauren c vann for whatever reason loved us and for, like, 10 years he played, every time he would -- could, he would play gigs with us, but it was different, because they had, like, a small and more fanatic fan base, but we could go anywhere with warren and most of the time it was fun. but there is a bar in coconut grove called the tourist. plenty of you are familiar with it. anyway, one night, we used to play here at the book fair, and we, sometimes we would try to play a gig the night before to try to learn the songs. so, i called tom, the owner of the tourist and said, do you think we could come play, and he said there is a ban is going to be here i will ask if they don't mind. they will let you use their stuff. we go up there and i will never

forget, the place is jammed, but not for us. there is just the usual drunks at the tourist, and we come and pick up her stuff and i go ladies and gentlemen, i'm dave barry, this is amy tan , and the guy at the bar goes no it's not. >> ted, when you tell us about the time robin williams opened for you in san francisco, right? >> so, 2003, i had written robin williams people and invited him to open for the remainders and never heard anything until the afternoon of the gig. we were taking a bus from the airport and i get this call, and i'm quiet. ridley is the official worrier in the band and he looks at me like there is something wrong and he got ted is everything okay and i go everything is fine. would it be okay if robin williams opened for the band tonight. >> and then we ran over, we nearly ran over -- who did we

ran over, dave, in the van? >> the governor of california. >> i remember that. we played at the fillmore, as i remember, which i remember the next year when we were sound checking and we looked at the floor and we realized who had played there. like jimi hendrix and play there. that's another part of this that's amazing. who else, did we? >> we played with, yeah, we played with -- >> we played with santana. >> we played with wesley gore. >> gloria gaynor. >> we sang the longest version of "i will survive" here in miami. she would not stop singing it. she sang it in english and all the way through with spanish. we thought we were going to close it out, sing it through in english again, sing it through in spanish again. it was a hit, her big hit, and she was not going to let go of

it. >> has there been anybody who has wanted to play with you that you didn't allow? amy says yes. >> i can't, i can't say, because it is the people who said no when kathy asked. you know, we all said yes and there are people who are pretty big authors, no i would never do that, and then later they were asking to be in the band. >> and later they will say i'm a really good guitarist. like you think that is going to get you in this band? >> but we do miss greg iles. the novelist greg iles. he is a tremendous guitarist. he played with a lot of different bands. you know, he is just a fantastic guy, and he said to me one time, he said you will saying "don't fear the reaper." and i said, why me? and he says don't be -- a stupid

, because your you. and i said wait a minute, greg, you wanted to do the long version, don't you, because you want to play the guitar break in the middle, don't you? and he said, yes i do. and i said, okay, but i will not play guitar in this, in this song. what i'm going to do is cowbell . i've got to, i've got to have more cowbell. i've got to have more cowbell. so that is what i did man, it was great. i was fantastic with that cowbell. >> have we talked about the audience reaction to steve's presence on the stage? yeah. at one point, i don't know what city we were in. chicago. it would be chicago, yeah.

and we looked out, and there were women out there holding their hands up with fire coming out of their fingernails. >> their fingernails were on fire. >> the rest of us never got that. just steve. >> willy sees these women standing in front of stephen with these fingers on fire and he comes up to me and says i don't ever want to be that famous. >> neither do i. >> i believe that early on before i was in the band, your wife bought large panties and threw them up on the stage. stephen, your wife bought large panties, your wife tossed them, large sized. >> i was going to ask about the panties, but now that we are talking about panties, can we go back to dominatrix again? because amy got a letter about inaccuracies and mixing signals with bondage in your costume and bdsm, and i don't know anything about all of that stuff, but you got some sort of

letter. >> you know, how would i know. a lot of people think i am a professional dominatrix this is important. i was wearing a collar. and i got this letter that we had to read out loud that said, no, no, no, dominatrix does not wear a collar. it is the submissive one that wears it. it was, it was a sincere letter. we would appreciate your letting people know that was inaccurate. so yes, that was, i, i am schooled, and i will be, i am woke now. so. >> i think amy schooled the s&m community. >> i'm a good girl, too. you know, i rate mother- daughter stories. >> and you have been happily married for a very, very, very long time. >> 54 years. yeah.

>> that's a long time. >> and he has been part of the bandit has nearly been killed by these guys. yeah. >> that's true. >> killed? >> that's true. before i forget, greg iles is watching on c-span. we want to say hey, greg . we love you. >> we need you. >> we sound bad without you, greg. we sound bad with you, but we sound work without you. okay, amy's husband, lou. is he here? >> somewhere. >> who is here. here he is. lou. so, i'm not going to give too much away of the plot here, but we do a song where amy does a very dramatic thing, and lou has to play the part of a motorcycle person who is involved in a crash, so he is to do the crash, he would dive down onto the stage, crashing, and every time we would do it, we would get a little more

elaborate with it. there we are. so finally, we are in new york city and lou does the best crash ever. he really goes down hard. it's very dramatic and exciting. he's writhing. it's this new wiggle. he's writhing in pain now. he did not do that in the act before. steve and i are standing next to him and we decide to make it even funnier. we kick him. we are kicking him and he's writhing in pain. it's really hilarious. really funny, hilarious. we get offstage at the end of the night. where is lou? lou is in the hospital. your collarbone, correct? he managed to complete the tour still doing the act, but not falling quite as hard. >> that is a perfect segue to the spleen story, the very famous spleen story. >> the dave barry hour here. >> scott can share the story.

>> i will tell the story very quickly and then shut up for the rest of the afternoon. >> there are bands that we've been told that practice the songs ahead of time. that is not so much what we do. we play the gig and then we go we should have practiced those songs ahead of time. we do a gig in new york city and go to a bar, and i will be honest, i had a little too many vodka gimlet's. so, i am trying to follow two conversations. roy blount is on one side, and scott is on the other side of me telling me this long complicated thing about his spleen. can i keep getting confused because i'm trying to listen to two conversations about whether he has a spleen are not, and twice i interrupt him to say wait i thought you don't have a spleen and scott says i don't have a spleen. the third time i interrupt him. scott is a gentle man. he takes a sharpie and writes on my right forearm in big letters, "no spleen." which solves the problem for the evening.

then we all go to bed, not together. we are not that kind of band. but we all go to bed. we have to get up really early the next morning and get a train to boston. so i get up early in the morning, very little memory of the night before, staggering to the bathroom, and i catch sight of myself in the mirror and i see there are words on my arm, and it says "no spleen." and i have no idea why that -- and you know the urban legend about the salesman who is in a hotel and this woman slips in a mickey and he wakes up the next morning in a bathtub covered in ice with a note, saying we have harvested your kidney. so for just a few horrible seconds in new york i thought, oh my god, they have harvested my spleen. but i don't know where to look. you know. i don't know where it is. does anybody? so, gradually, my

brain reboots and i think, oh my gosh, nobody would harvest your spleen. you don't need a spleen. that was the whole point of the story and organ harvesting circles that he is so dumb he harvested a spleen. anyway, that was the worst thing that ever happened to me on a tour and it was scott turow's fault. >> i have heard that story 100 times and i always laugh. there is, there is an incident, i think it was at the rock and roll hall of fame, where someone came up to you, steve, and thought you were steven spielberg? >> tell the story. >> well, i have been mistaken for steven spielberg a lot. it is very difficult. i am, you know, 6'3" and he is five foot nothing, and he is a film director, and i am a writer , but it is the similarity of the names, i guess, stephen king

and steven spielberg. but, actually, that is an interesting story to me. what is an interesting story to me is we had the critics corner to start with, you know, we had all of these critics, and none of them could sing, and none of them could play. that was really kind of, like, their purpose. they kind of, like, screamed. >> i thought we were pretty good on "short shorts." >> everybody's pretty good on "short shorts." >> so anyway, we decided that we were going to do that song by the drugs. what's that? " wild thing." and we decided to give joel, who was the critic for the san francisco examiner, an ocarina so low.

he had an little thing that was like a sweet potato and it would go -- dude dude -- that was the solo for "wild thing." you know, bum, bum, bum, bum, wild thing i think i love you. he played it on the ocarina, and in rehearsal, it went terrific. and then he gets on stage and he blew so hard that no sound came out at all, and little by little i mean, you had to see it , because he was bald, and little by little, this red would rise. it was like a thermometer, and to his entire face was puce, and he is blowing, he is blowing his butt off, and no sound is coming out at all, and afterwards he said, how did i

do? i said joel, you did fantastic. that, that is my one remainder story. >> thank you. okay. writing, i think everybody can agree, is a really isolating, lonely, sake type of profession. i do it myself. it's pitiful. so, if we can just go down the road, what is it about this band -- it's fun, obviously -- but what is different about what you were doing here with each other then when you are sitting home, working, typically. >> for one thing, we never ask each other, what are you writing , and where do you get your ideas. but steve had a great answer to where do you get your ideas. i didn't know this. if i had known it, i would have written many more books. >> i don't remember.

>> bob's used ideas in utica, new york. >> is to say it was from a used bookstore in utica, new york. and then i got into trouble in utica by that. you can't please everybody. i could've said paramus, but yeah, you know. but the thing is, about, what we do is a solo job. every now and then, some of us will collaborate on a book. it never really goes extremely well . it is always tough. you have to sublimate your ego in a way. but with the band, you know, we can actually talk with our peers, and we get to fulfill our childhood fantasies. and so, we still play like we are in childhood.

you know, it is a great, a great gig to have. it is great to have the band to blow off a little steam. man, i just love seeing all you guys. i love you, man. >> roy, were you going to say something? >> was i going to say something? >> you look like you are going to say something. >> well, stephen just brought a tear to my eye. i was going to say that writing is more like playing the ocarina alone. ocarina solo. >> allen, mary, you are new, but when you get out of this? >> we are new, and yet we feel old, that we darling? >> incredibly old. >> i mean, writing is like butchering eels. and, they say what musicians do is playing, and you said

"childhood dreams," and it really is more like -- we just laughed -- laugh all the time, mostly at and not with each other i have to say, plus everybody is coming you guys know this, you are probably in this room for this reason, is that people who read and write are often really articulate, you know, because i spent a lot of time thinking about words, and everybody on this stage is an inspiration as a writer, both in their practice, and i've got to say it, no, i've got to say it. they are hilarious. they are just, there is not one who doesn't crack me up. and they are -- because they are lonely and sad. because no one sat at their cafeteria table. this is the cafeteria table we needed.

>> you know, samuel, samuel johnson once said, he was talking about women preachers and dancing dogs. this is in the time before everybody got woke, and what he said was, you don't expect to see it done well. you are surprised to see it done at all. we feel that way a little bit about what we do. but you know, whether you are writing books, or whether you are playing music, or whether you are just kind of goofing off and doing this stuff that we do sometimes in the band. you will see tonight, you know. we are entertainers. okay? this is what we do. we are supposed to take you away for a little while from whatever it was that you were worried about, and just kick some butt and have a good time.

that's it. >> when i appreciate the most is that none of the members of the band has ever come up to me and said, i have a nephew who wants to be a comedy writer, can you read his 1500 page screenplay? that's never happened. >> oh. >> too bad. >> i was getting ready to tell a story. >> i think that you have a song prepared to play today? it might be a little early. are we equipped to take audience questions? but do you want to do the song first to get everybody primed, or are you ready? >> we were thinking about doing a song for you, but we are a little nervous about it. is it okay if we do a song? i just want to stress ahead of time that we haven't really

practiced this a lot. this particular song. >> we haven't been able to see ridley, you know. >> and we need the sax player. that is josh around? >> did you want to contextualize the musicians? >> our saxophone player, a trained professional. john kelly is our drummer. >> so there are a few real musicians who joined the remainders. that's their secret. and they are here now. >> anyway, we are a literary band, so we want to do a literary song. this is a song about a book we all know and love very much, and it is just a famous book we all love. a lot. or at least we had to read it. >> ♪ ♪ tail, big --.

the ♪♪ big -- is great big body is ♪♪ well, he's the baddest you've ever ♪♪ that he goes you're movie. ♪♪ okay. ♪no mac ♪

>> wrong song. >> ♪ ♪ cat named ahab tried to take him down. yeah. ♪♪ took and moby his leg like a pringle cheer all ♪♪ seen. oh, it is kind of nasty. and is kind of ♪♪ --. ♪♪ >> there he blows. >> ♪ ♪ fly.

always take that take the ♪♪ get it. and now old ahab with the fishes ♪♪ ♪♪ kind mean. oh he made love to ♪♪ fading out. oh, moby --. yeah, yeah. take ♪♪ -- >> there he blows. >> fading out now. we are fading out now. >> ♪ ♪ practice the songs as muf

that one as you will find out >> that was the highlight of my life. >> just so you know -- just so you know, we don't practice all the songs as much is that one, as you will find out tonight. >> amy did say there was too much testosterone in this band, but i think you just proved it. you were trying to say something. i'm sorry. >> not me. >> i, we can wrap it here. should we take a couple of questions? let's take a couple questions. any questions? okay, before we have a microphone, somebody with a question -- you, you are complaint in this book about getting older, but now it is 30 years later, so you are really old. any wisdom about aging? no. no. don't do it. okay. i'm just killing time. is there

a microphone? >> here is a mike. >> we have so many microphones appear. all right pics and a wisdom. okay. let's have our question. i can't believe you just sing that song on c-span , either. that was pretty -- and stephen king said the letter f word twice. that was pretty good. only he could get away with that. yes please, thank you. >> hello. i'm so, so nervous, but my question is for mr. king. i was wondering if when you start writing some of your novels, which i have been reading since i was 14 years old, and i'm a lot older than that now, so thank you, thank you, thank you, do you know if it is going to end just kind of badly or medium badly or, like, really, really badly? >> that was for me, right? yeah. i

usually, it is like plotting the course of an intercontinental ballistic missile. in other words, you, you think you know where it is going to land, but if you get in the neighborhood and if it is a big enough explosion, it is going to be okay. so, i don't necessarily know where the book is going to come out. i sometimes have an idea, but i don't -- i'm at the buchtel itself, mostly. that's it. >> thank you. >> thank you. next, please. >> so first i just want to point out that taylor swift is making a lot of money at her concerts. you are a lot of smart people, but i think you should take a cue from her and go out on tour. but, last night we had the pleasure of listening to amy tan talk about her new book,

and she told the most wonderful story about her role tonight as a dominatrix and barack obama. the people need to hear that story, amy. >> i have this automatic answer when people say, what you play. what instrument do you play, i say a play the instrument of pain, which you will understand later. the other thing i say is i play the dominatrix. so one night, talk about name drop, i was having dinner with barack obama, president obama at the white house was seated across from him. he said, i heard about this band, and i was kind of nervous. when you are nervous you kind of don't have a filter on. he said, so what do you play. i said i play the dominatrix. and i just went, whoops. i said i also play "leader of the pack," and i think you should join our band, because you are the leader.

>> i've got to tell you a story of the first time that we got together in los angeles to do this, this first gig, which we thought was going to be our only gig. we were waiting for amy and amy did not come. and at that time, you know, she was just, i don't know, dressed in black or something, and the guy turned her away and thought she was a hooker. >> that is another qualification . >> one story we haven't told them about, the reach of stephen king, which is that our bus broke down. we were traveling autograph ande somehow just don't know. yeah. is it one of you said something if you died in a bus bus crash.

what would the headline be dave. i think stephen was killed in. it's not his fault. another question. excuse me, mr. king. so i had. question you once wrote this you said this quote about robert e howard, the creator of columbarium, and he had positive things. say about it. the first thing he said was sparks fly off the page to thomas. a but then the very next sense you said about him, you said everything else here, it was terrible. but i don't know if you're aware of this. the del rey edition of all of his books always contain books and all this other stuff from simon can be called villainous. they only the positive part of the quote. they just cut the rest off. how do you feel about that? yeah. yeah. in all years, when you think about that, i, i i don't. i'm not sure know. so i think we're going to go to the next question, sir. thank you so much. say hello, staff. if you ever need another dominatrix, let me know. but no, this is for stephen.

so if you could play with any of your fictional characters from any book, who would you like to play with and what instrument, what they if i could pick, a fictional character to do what any of your from any of your books with an and what would play maybe a larry underwood from the stand he would be a good one. oh i can't think of anyone else right that's good. but i've got a new book coming where they say a soul singer and i would love to sing with her. she is based on mavis staples. i love mavis. she spent tastic. very. so thank you sometimes. hello. i really like of you. but i'm actually here to ask stephen king a question question. stephen, you said that tabitha took the draft of carrie and

pulled it out of the trash. i was wondering, did she get like a cruise or a nice dress out of that or like, what was the reward for pulling carrie out of the trash? she she pulled out of the trash. i didn't get the rest of it. like, what was her reward for pulling it out of the trash? like, did you buy a dress or get her a cruise for that? oh, she pulled carrie out of there. yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. what the. what's your point? what was her reward like, why were you, like, she it out of the trash? and how did you reward her for that? that was what i said. oh how would i reward for that? i bought her a hairdryer and it's got no, i mean, the thing was like we were living pretty much hand-to-mouth and and and i got to this call on sunday. my wife tabby was up seeing her mother and father in another another town in maine and he said, carrie, just.

to paperback. so i said can we get a little money? he said, $400,000. and i went out to buy tabby a present and. there was it was sunday, man. it was bangor, maine. nothing was except for you guys. maybe remember this. it was an old chain was called rexall. yeah. and i went in and i bought her a hairdryer. man. she thought it was really great, but thought the money was better. is anybody in the line lined up to ask roy blunt jr a question? anybody would back away. oh, i've got one. a couple back. come on up. come on. a oh, not that we don't love hearing from one person. and i thought i'm actually supposed to man it's the line and cut it off but since you ask so so roy your essay i may have sung with jerry jeff yeah something i always think when i

see you here and he he passed away recently and you're still here. yeah. because i only sang once with jerry jeff yeah. jerry jeff walker was a. i used to make a living staying up all night with people and then remembering some of. and that was jerry jeff, who is kind of a saint of staying up all night. and i got up stage, i may have gotten up on stage and, sang dropkick jesus through the gold pole. most of life, but hence the title. but that was i can't do that in case you going to be tempted to take me out and get me drunk and roll me and i think we have a couple more questions before two more questions before we have to go get ready for tonight's show. so my blood pressure is currently god over?

--, this is for mr. steve and jane. i'm so sorry. so life has been. it's been a good one. kind like one of your horror stories. you know, we just won't really get into that. but i did have we. yeah we just. and just if you can do your question sir, because we've got to just wrap it up. okay. i have a in my pocket. can you sign my body and go get a tattoo. much better direct. okay that's fine. what what. sorry, i have a sharpie in my pocket. what? wondering if you did sign a piece of my body and i to get a tattoo at the tattoo parlor. okay. just the reminder questions typically begin with w or an h r no. no, i won't. a piece of your body. but i appreciate the offer.

okay. this is our last. good afternoon. it's been a pleasure. question is for mr. king. aside from visiting unica, is there any particular you get in terms of how you conjure dread, you know, within your, within your manuscripts, within your books. so aside from visiting unica, are there any specific inspirations you have for dread the way you kind of, you know, really bring it on most of your manuscripts and how do you conjure dread besides visiting utica books? how do you. well, you know, i think of dave berry. it it works. it works time. i when it doesn't work with dave i try really. pearson you know know i mean listen, if the characters are real, you're to feel for them. it's as simple as that man. it's really it's really i don't

know why everybody doesn't do it, but i'm glad that they don't. because, you know, i can put my kids through college and buy your wife. thanks. thank you. thank you. all. thank you all. see you tonight. i want to i want to thank you all for coming. but you know, the band is playing at 7 p.m. on the main stage, off the shelf stage. take right downstairs and keep on going through the stage at 7 p.m..

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