-- chucjkk dodd? he needs a glass of water. [laughter] president obama: the science is clear. nine out of the 10 hottest years ever were in the past decade. luther: now i'm not a scientist, but i know how to count to 10. president obama: rising seas violent storms. luther: mosquitos, sweaty people on the train stanking it up, it's just nasty. president obama: look at what is happening right now. the pentagon says it is a national security risk. instead of doing anything about it, we have elected officials throwing snowballs in the senate. it is crazy. what about our kids? what kind of stupid, shortsighted irresponsible -- luther: hey! [applause]

president obama: what? luther: all the respects there you don't need an anger translator. you need counseling. [laughter] i'm out of here. i'm not trying to get in all of this. [applause] luther: [indiscernible] president obama: luther my anger translator. [applause] now that i have that off my chest -- [laughter] investigative journalism explanatory journalism journalism that exposes corruption injustice, and gives

voice to the different and the marginalized, the voiceless. that is power. that is a privilege. it is as important to america's trajectory, to our values, ideals, then anything we could do in elected office. we remember journalist that we lost over the last year, journalists like stephen, james foley, murdered for nothing more than trying to shine a light into the world's darkest corners. [applause] we remember the journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world, including our own jason. [applause] for nine months, jason has been imprisoned for nothing more than writing about the holds and

fears of the iranian people caring there stories to readers in "washington post" to bridge our humanity. ethan's brother is here tonight and i've told him personally that we will not rest until we bring him back to his family safe and sound. [applause] these journalists, and so me others, view their work as so much more than just a profession but a public good, and indispensable pillar to our society. i want to give a toast to them. i raise a glass to them and all of you with the words of the american foreign correspondent dorothy thompson, it is not the fact of literary, but the way in which -- the fact of liberty

but the way in which liberty is exercised to make sure that liberty survives. thank you for telling our american story. god bless you. god bless the united states of america. [applause] >> now, remarks from saturday night live cast member, cecily strong. she was the entertainer at this year's dinner and spoke for about 25 minutes. [applause]

cecily: it feels right woman follow president obama, doesn't it? . good evening, i am cecily strong. you may know me from saturday night live or the ethnically ambiguous girl from every college brochure. i'm kind of a mash-up of the people from hillary clinton's video. i am also the only straight woman to host this in 20 years. we finally made it, straight people. [applause] where are my heterosexual that? i do need to say something here. just because i am a woman doesn't mean i will go easy on you. i will go easy on you because my brain is smaller. [laughter] i feel very lucky to be here.

last year's host, jail, proved that speaking at this dinner is an amazing opportunity that can take you from starting in a show on nbc all the way to starring in that same show but on yahoo! [laughter] i took amtrak here. it was way more luxurious than i thought. did you know, they have massage seats on those trains? all you need to do is sit in front of joe biden. those hands don't get tired somehow. i hope everybody enjoyed dinner. we tried to get a caterer to cater this but they heard that bernie would be here. thanks for that, bernie. we should have had that world-famous indiana pizza. i can make that joke about indiana because i'm from illinois. the white house correspondents

dinner is a chance for all of you to unwind, relax and relicense him unless -- relicense him unless powerful than you is laughing. since i am a comedian i will not tell you politicians how to do politics. that is not my job. that would be like you telling me what to do about my body. can you imagine? [applause] tonight's event is being broadcast on c-span. for viewers watching a home on c-span hello. to most viewers watching at home on c-span, meow. [laughter] if you don't know how to find

c-span, you just press the guide button on your remote and push page up until your song cramps. c-span, i just want to do a camera check. nocamera one. that's it. it is great to be here at the washington helton. it is something that a prostitute might say to a congressman. [applause] the washington hilton. man, if these walls could talk they would probably say, clean me. [laughter] it is crazy to think that our president is right here in the ballroom of the washington hilton. it is even crazier to think our vice president is in the ball pit of a washington chucky cheese. [laughter]

seriously, the washington hilton is great. i bet that when a president boxed in -- and salt walked in and saw the bellhops thought finally some decent security. i'm getting. let's give it up for the secret service. [applause] i don't want to be too hard on those guys. they are the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot. [applause] are you saying, true? tonight brings together so many different ways of delivering the news, but you are all in this together. from the networks to the internet and cable in the back all the way to the print journalists who are busing the table. msnbc is here. i love msb msnbc.

even the call letters are long-winded. rachel maddow, locked up abroad. msnbc shows so many prison documentaries that there may catch scholz get a prison tattoo. fox news is here. foxnews news has been losing a lot of viewers lately, and may they rest in peace. [applause] that channel is all hot blonde ladies and old dues. every seen on fox news looks like a scene from weekend at bernie's. you've got to give it up for cnn. it is comforting to know whenever a big story breaks, i can watch cnn and watch anthony bh anthony boyd day and

even cricket. buzz feed is here. i can show you a list of 17 reasons why they shouldn't be. don't forget, usa today is here. of course, they are only here because they are slipped under the hotel door. that is usa today unless today is saturday or sunday. [applause] npr is here. [applause] they are right up front. npr had a lot of success finally answering the question, what would it be like if somebody whispered the story of dateline.

sir, season, pick someone who definitely did it like amanda knox. dna on the knife, you guys. nbc is here. even as i snl got criticized this year for making fun of isis. i think that is unfair. if anyone is guilty of taking ice to lightly, it is them. what can i say about brian williams. go nothing, because i worked for nbc. [applause] there are so many stars from some a great shows here. we are really in a golden age of television. i have to say, i still see some a negative for trails of black

and gay people out there. it is 2015 and we still have tv characters like don lemon, it is ridiculous. [applause] the cast of abc's "blackish" is here, which i think is so any appropriate given how they treated those wells at sea world -- whales at sea world. the cast of "game of thrones" is here and they have told me that they had never seen so many nerds before. naomi campbell is here. naomi, you are lucky that hillary clinton is not here because if you throew your blackberry at her, she would delete everything off of it. hillary said she did not use her work e-mail because she did not want to use more than one

device. the cast of "downtown abby" is here, thanks to a generous donation. speaking of eric shot you might notice i'm a little tan. i just got back from the most fabulous chip that eric took me up on. i brought my instagram photos to share with you. you're probably familiar with this picture. see, there's me. i just used and ad erin pause as. then we went diving in this cool swimming pool that he built. here we are skydiving. he said he made his own parachute out of some guest that his constituents gave him. here we are at the eiffel tower

in paris. paris is so beautiful. mr. president, you should think about going there sometime. i hear the weather is nice in january. here we are on archer to california. we must have done this for hours and hours. so much wasted water. fun. here we are at his own dinosaur island. here we are after hunting the dinosaurs. wait, brian williams! what are you doing, you rascal? aaron and i had so much fun. i know what you are thinking. it was not romantic. it was a friendship trip. he reminded me every day.

just because aaron schock resign, it doesn't need there are any smoking hot congressman left. looking out there tonight, i see so many washington tens, new york fours. harry reid is retiring after spending more than 30 years in congress. people don't know this, harry reid was a boxer. one of my favorite things that happen in congress this year was when a senator brought in as the robot to prove that climate change was at was a real. that blew my mind. you brought science to life, man. so cool.

senator tom cotton got 46 and other senators to sign a letter to iran. what is uprising is that tom cotton is a senator and not a rabbit from an old racist disney cartoon. in tom cotton's defense, he was just trying to repair america's a straight relationship with israel. he doesn't have to worry about that. our relationship will be better in the next election, when israel makes a generous donation to the clinton foundation. it has been a great year for women, as always. [laughter] this year, representatives from hobby lobby said they didn't want to pay for employees health

care if it included things like employees contraceptive. which is weird because i only asked them what i'll aisle is the yarn end. actually i bought hobby lobby. i went there this morning and but the cutest burger basket of my morning after pills. [laughter] i know representative recently asked if gynecological exams could be conducted by a woman swallowing a camera. they can't. now they have ruined a perfectly good go pro. president obama came out in support of putting women on monday, as opposed to the dea agents putting money on women. of course, the big story republican finally succeeded.

as so many people have artie announced that they are running for president, who should we vote for? there's marco rubio, who is better than marco rubio? hillary. and rand paul, who is better than rand paul? hillary. and then there is hillary, who is better than hillary on the economy? bill. hillary's campaign slogan is "it's your time." which is what i assume she says it's in the mirror when she is debiting 200 pounds. i'm excited about hillary. i don't know if hillary clinton is excited to read. i imagine she feels like meryl streep when she auditions for a role. this next part is repeat after me. i went all the media to put their hands up and swear

something. "i solidly -- silently swear to not talk about hillary's appearance because i is not journalism." [applause] also, cecily star looks great tonight. i doma you to take any of this as an endorsement for hillary clinton because i would never blindly endorse a candidate i do not play on snl. hillary clinton has her work cut out for her. the robot ca candidates are a who's who of whose bad. two were characters from "huckleberry finn," but you

didn't even notice did you? let's not forget martin o'malley. that's his actual campaign slogan. lincoln chafee is considering entering the race. that is like watching a dog look for its owner. a lot of people want a list of for his presidency, a lot of people think she is too liberal. look at president obama. a lot of people thought the same about him and he did end up doing that stuff. [applause] the republican field is ideologically diverse including people like ted cruz who is a tea party or, rand paul who is a

libertarian, and even chris christie who is a democrat. jeb bush is probably in the race -- the presidential race, not the hispanic race -- that was an accident. jeb is actually an acronym. marco rubio is running for president. when jeb bush found out he said, dios mio! marco rubio makes mitt romney look relaxed behind air. chris christie has said that if he is elected president, he would crack down on states that legalize marijuana because he believes marijuana is a gateway drug.

like a bridge to other drugs? and he wants to shut down a bridge? new polls show that chris christie approval ratings in new jersey are at an all-time low. the only thing that they disapprove of less is -- that dominican guy. ted cruz. it is like the right-wing thought, what is the exact opposite of a black president? how about a canadian latino who will never be president. true he was born in canada to cuban immigrants. i kind of cap believe he wasn't in hillary's announcement video. carly fiorina is thinking about ready for president. it seems like a lot of work just to be as fox news pundit. rand paul says that he has taken over the families not being

president business. yes, rand like at least he rand for president. rand paul campaign slogan is "defeat the washington machine, unleash the american dream." american dream is of course the name for rand paul's wig. let's talk about my leader, michelle obama. [applause] michelle, you take care of that garden while you can't because you know an 18 month, bill asserting that into an aboveground pool. [laughter] seriously, michelle obama what an amazing woman.

a harvard educated lawyer, a fierce advocate for lgbt writes, and an advocate to fight childhood obesity. it is a nightmare to eat next year. you know when i got up to go to the bathroom for 20 minutes? ahead ats pizza behind the toilet and i ate it. of course, mr. president, thank you so much for taking time away from being on jimmy kimmel to be here. [laughter] it is amazing to be with the president at this fancy dinner, and i know this must have cost at time of food steps, so thank you. president obama and i actually grew up together in chicago. i remember when we used to go down to the basketball court. i would lace up a pair of jordans, he would play on a pair of my mom's jeans, and

we would miss three-pointers until sundown. those were simpler times you problems with congress, putin israel. you said it yourself, we cannot solve problems by holding hounds and saying coup bykumbayah. your hair is so white now, they can talk back to the police. [applause] we will high-five about that one . i bet you were wishing you are coming as office in 2016 instead of 2008. you probably should have let

hillary fix the economy for the last eight years and that would be you running away from her successful presidency. you probably get this a lot, you are a lot likee madonna. you have given this country so much, but in 1.5 years, you have to stock. it was a true honor to be here tonight. thank you to the white house correspondents association whatever that is. [applause] i have to finish up because exterminators need to get into this room. i have a bathroom pizza to finish. thank you so much. have a good night. [applause]

>> i was in jail because i refused to reveal the identity of a source whom i thought did not want his identity revealed. in our business, as you know brian, protecting soldiers is the lifeblood of independent journalism. i really felt that unless the people that i routinely spoke to, who had access to classified information, unless they could trust me to protect them, miy

sources would dry. i felt this was a question of principle that i did not have much choice. >> tonight on c-span's "q&a." >> here on c-span this morning "washington journal" is next with your calls. that is followed by ohio senator around on "newsmakers." later, senate debate on loretta lynch you with confirm this past week. coming up this morning on washington journal, asher orkaby with brandeis university speaks about events in yemen including the presence of iranian cargo ships across the coast. also, cenk uygur talks about the

progress of a jeddah in 2016. also, peter moskos discusses the number of police shootings in the u.s. president obama: i look so old, john boehner has already invited then yahoo! does become a funeral. meanwhile, michelle has not aged a day. [applause] i ask her what her secret is, she just says, fresh fruits and vegetables. it is aggravated. -- aggravating. the fact