[♪ theme music ♪] oh hello current tv land. hal sparks here is a mental gift for you. jacki schechner was a teenage majorette, and there may be baton twirling at sexy liberal tomorrow night. >> i will be rug run and it's a

rainy day. >> how many tickets do you have left to sell? >> they are all gone now with that information. [ laughter ] >> i do what i can. you know. >> you give and you give. all right. and here she is giving again. majorette, slash breaking news superstar jacki schechner. >> good morning, everybody. the obama campaign is going to air a new television ad. it focuses on the middle class and growing the economy from the middle out. >> i believe in fighting for the middle class because if they are prospering, all of us will prosper. >> the ad is positive. the campaign brought $6.5 million of advertising time during the olympics. by all accounts mitt romney's trip to london has been less than successful. senate majority leader harry reid put it's not good for the

country for him to quote go abroad and insult everybody. he first lady is doing a much better job. she talked about her father who has multiple sclerosis and was an athlete until that rehabilitated him. and the games had always been an inspiration to him. more voters are concerned about the president's religion than mitt romney's religion, because they think the president is a muslim. 17% of americans still believe that president obama is a muslim. the poll proves that romney's actual religion may be less than a liability than the president's perceived religion. 65% of people who thought the

president was a muslim fascinating that they still believe this. we are back with more stephanie after the break. you are going to want to join us. stay with us. ♪ >> this court has proven to be the knowing, delighted accomplice in the billionaires' purchase of our nation. >> and you think it doesn't affect you? think again.

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the lysol no-touch kitchen system: the only all-in-one kitchen soap. try it for yourself. lysol. mission for health. [ ♪ theme music ♪ ] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho, it's time to feel good hey, all right now ♪ >> wee! it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome to it. oh, i like it when he shakes those man boobs. here he is. >> stephanie. >> he wasn't have man boobs.

>> yes he does. they have hard though. in a good way. ♪ hump day with hal sparks ♪ >> no, we replaced our hal sparks on wednesday with fugelsang crystals. now it's freaky friday. >> thank you. >> you were throwing out the first pitch at the cubs game? >> yes on wednesday. they broke their losing streak. they won and had the highest attendance for an afternoon game ever. >> awesome. >> it was wild and cool and exciting and fun. apparently the privates team members have started throwing these hand symbols -- >> i tried to do it yesterday -- >> yeah, left over right you take a z, so people can see it.

anything that goes well -- it's like a good-luck symbol. >> yeah. >> i do that whenever i have successfully completed a load of laundry -- >> he does it when he hits a home run at sexy liberal. he always does. >> yes. >> very few tickets available -- >> if you want to see t-rex -- >> i may or may not do it. it depends on how many people show up. i might have a dinosaur bit and something else written on the other side of the stage and start pointing. >> ah. so i was thinking yesterday -- because i don't want to say who the two giant celebrities are on the celebrity panel. because it's not cool. you want to be classy --

>> you do? why start now? >> first of all -- [ laughter ] >> sorry. go ahead. >> what is the first thing i did when you walked in the studio this morning. >> groped me. >> yeah but then -- >> burped. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> my point is chris lavoie, we got googles yesterday, both people are both comedy legends. so between the two of them together they have won seven emmies, been nominated 17 other times, nominated two other dimes -- >> andrew dice clay is going to be there. >> the cast from hee ha. >> mini pearl. >> stop it. reason enough to go rona from

valencia is going to be there -- >> and you are? >> she is with valencia. steph, i'm coming to the show. i'm very excited. this is the first time i am going to the theater by myself. it's okay. we'll embrace you in a group spoon. >> that's true. i have been trying to start a movement where all of the seats tilt to the left so everybody can spoon each other. >> i think a lot of these peel will talk to each other. >> yeah. >> i have totally changed my early-morning viewing habits since you are on current. no more today show. >> wow. >> i watch the show leave for work after the 7:00 am break, listen on the way to work and

then watch 8:00 and 9:00 when i come home. >> wow. [ applause ] >> because we are liberal we gather them up and put them in a recycling bin and make a compost. >> aren't we supposed to redistribute them to the pour. >> by the way, big sexy liberal thanks to mitt romney. >> oh, man. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> what? >> yeah. >> international man of -- duh! >> we're going to have to sit around and just dole out, you take that obvious joke and i'll take that obvious joke. >> according to my friend in britain they are already calling

him -- they said please. we get the point. you send back pierce more we'll send mitt romney back. >> he may or may not be wearing trousers. >> we're throw in richard crest. >> that might soil the deal. like no, you are supposed to keep richard. >> sue in rockville has a good point. he is supposed to be going to israel too. and she said i can't wait for him to go to israel and talk about how it great it is for mormons to baptize dead jews. >> all of the jews are the right height. >> wow, i just can't wait the opening ceremonies.

♪ oh beautiful for spacious skies [ off key ] for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain's majesty, above the fruited plains ♪ >> wow i hear cats across the country -- [ fighting cats ] [ laughter ] >> wow. >> wow. yeah. that lie he keeps telling about the president had gone around the world apologizing for america. now he is going to have to do a tour apologizing for mitt romney. >> the big difference is obama apologized for america, and i just apologize for myself. >> i just make reasons for obama to apologize. >> boy, did he take a bitch

slapping. >> yeah, the mayor. >> it's easy when you have the olympics in the middle of nowhere. >> and then the salt lake city mayor sends him a map. and the rely was, i don't think that will help us. >> yeah, there is as many people in one neighborhood of london as the entire city of salt lake city. >> and a lot of them aren't of anglo-saxon heritage. >> wow. >> that was a version of speed dating, in he almost got all of george bush's gasps in one day. he forgot the guy's name. mr. leader guy. >> he might actually be an alien. >> they forgot to put the name into the rom-bot. >> that does not compute. >> take the paper that is coming out of his mouth, and he says

something like -- the backside of -- >> we come from planet co-op. >> i just want to say the olympic games will be spectacular. [ mocking laughter ] >> it is going to be awesome, except for the parts that i said aren't going to be awesome. >> my wife is an equestrian. >> and that was the douchiest thing he did. now he has no idea what dressage is or who his wife is. he literally was like, i done even know what it is. [ mocking laughter ] >> here is the amazing thing, that's actually more elitist that you can have a horse in the olympics and not bother to watch it. >> yes. >> and there goes the women's vote.

i'm like what a douche. >> anybody involved with any of those horses -- >> that's is her thing -- >> his wife is not in the olympics -- >> right. >> the wife owns the horse. >> would you guys be able to try that? >> no. ♪ a horse is a horse of course of course ♪ >> everyone involved in that event, even the neighbor of the guy who mucks out the stall is going to be going that's rafalca. but romney -- >> you know chicks -- >> i hear they are good eating. i was in france for three years, you don't think i ate horse. >> but he said he will be -- americans always do very well in the swimming. >> yeah. >> the swimming. >> the swimming. >> it's more of the anglo-saxon,

they are of the right height. >> and they float. >> okay. i got it. >> i got to go. >> and part of it said i'm married to a girl from whales and i'm a guy from great britain, so i guess this is home too, i guess. >> i won't be watching -- i'll be watchin >> did he try to say his wife was welch? >> yes. >> she is not -- >> no. but they were making the point that she has got welsh ties. the fact that he went anglo-saxon -- which is like -- >> that's right. the kelts and romans. >> let's just pause to chuckle saying that president obama isn't respected on the world

stage. [ laughter ] >> we should read his quote from no apology. >> oh, yes. >> 17 minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: for a good time call now, 1-800-steph-1-2. residue that can redeposit on your dishware during the rinse cycle. gross. jet-dry rinse agent helps wash them away so the only thing left behind is the shine. jet-dry rinses away residues for a sparkling shine.

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investing unleashed. septic disasters are disgusting and costly, but avoidable. the rid-x septic subscriber program helps prevent backups by sending you monthly doses right to your door so you will never forget to maintain your system. sign up at rid-x.com. you've heard stephanie's views. >>no bs, authentic, the real thing. >>now, let's hear yours at the only online forum with a direct line to stephanie miller. >>the only thing that can save america now: current television.

>>join the debate now. [ music ] ♪ here in my car, i got everything -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ in cars ♪ >> gary newman was doing a lot of aerobatic flying for a while. >> thank you.

look at that dress! [ applause ] >> damn! look at you this morning! could i have a martini, please. >> we should probably say -- rebecca come here -- >> it's rebecca's last day today. [♪ somber music ♪] >> hi, guys. >> how come you are so happy? >> because i can finally quit you, bitch. [ laughter ] >> see ya! >> we're going to miss you. >> we're going to miss you rebecca. >> thanks for the no warning, rebecca. >> wow. i didn't know she could quit you. >> i wish i could quit you -- oh wait i can. >> for just $19.95 -- >> she has more pep in her step than -- >> you know what it is? i smell hope. [ laughter ] >> i thought i crushed that dream for good. that's what we do around here

we crush people's spirit. no, we love rebecca and she has been here for years. she has some family issues she has to take care of. we are replacing her with a t-bone. >> t-bone? >> travis bone. [ mocking laughter ] >> and he starts with us on month. >> a career in porn i guess too. >> yeah, you don't really have to stop it. you just put it on hold. >> he already retroactively retired -- >> from porn? >> yes. >> can i say one more thing that was really douchy about him not watching his wife -- >> i have never seen the horse. >> he picked the music. and now he's like i don't know. this is my wife's thing. i won't be watching. >> what?

>> there goes the last chick vote for you. >> we -- we men don't engage in that sort of thing. >> frank in maine you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> hello, stephanie. love your show. >> thank you. >> speaking of mitt romney and his lies, my wife and i recently joined facebook to keep in touch with long-distance relatives, and we're finding out there are some tea party people out there and all of that. but on the right column of the facebook page every time i sign on lately i see a picture of mitt romney. you click on it and you can go to mitt romney's facebook page and you can leave a comment. so i left a comment. i said i'm an independent voter.

thank you for dodging the draft. when i was my turn to serve. i served. >> i think you have been defriends -- >> my phone is probably being tapped. >> oh, there you go. now you drug me into this. >> by mi-6. >> oh, yeah. i met with the top secret service -- oops. >> while he was talking out of the backside of 10 downing street. >> next he is going to show you the secret weapons. this looks like a pen but it's not. >> this is from "no apology" his ridiculous book which apparently didn't see his future which is full of apologies.

i want an autographed copy where i have scraped out no and wrote in quite a few. >> england is just a small island. it's roads and houses are small with few exceptions, it doesn't make things that people and the rest of the world want to buy. >> wow. >> and if it hadn't been separated by the water, it most certainly would have been lost to hitler. >> what made him think that that was okay? >> i have no idea. but that is amazing. >> romney told deputy prime minister that he planned to attend a swimming event last week, because quote, americans do well in swimming.

we don't have that many blacks they are not so floaty. what did i say? >> would you be surprised if he said he couldn't wait to see fred phelps swimming in the olympics -- >> i understand margie phelps -- >> well, she has obviously been in the pool so long her hair is gray. >> yeah. >> charles in santa fe welcome. >> hi, how are you. i was calling to comment about mitt the twit. i think his comments during that interview were very insulting. >> yeah i think that changed the name of twitter to mitter now? his honor. >> it is amazing.

he needs a secretary of protocol or something. england is well-known for all of his pageantry. >> uh-huh. >> if they can't handle it nobody can. >> yeah. i hope they changed the opening ceremony so the whole pageant-mocking mitt. >> no, i still want to see mary poppins fight valtimort. >> i have a great letter about the opening ceremonies. we'll do that next. >> hump days with hal sparks. >> no, just fridays. >> whatever. hal is here. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

>>it's the place where democracy is supposed to be the great equalizer, where your vote is worth just as much as donald trump's. we must save the country. it starts with you.

of sununu, you're wrong. mitt romney, you're wrong. teachers and more cops and more firefighters that support our

in your jeep grand cherokee. and when you do, you'll be grateful for the adaptive cruise control that automatically adjusts your speed when approaching slower traffic. and for the blind spot monitoring that helps remind you that the highway might not be as desolate... ...as you thought. ♪ ♪

♪ take just one more ♪ it's been dumbed down ♪ long before romney ♪ ever did ♪ >> thank you . >> stephanie: 45 minutes after the hour. we'll be back as we close "the

stephanie miller show." >> on "the stephanie miller show" in suburban america this [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i should not be turned on right now! [ laughter ] >> oh, you cannot help it. it is the "stephanie miller show." >> yeah. >> 34 minutes -- we cross the sexy liberal streams, we're sorry. they moved the monitor even further, was it to show my rock or the sexy liberal t-shirt. >> why would you want a destroyed shirt. >> it's the vintage thing. >> and also the see-through one.

>> oh yes. [ applause ] ♪ where did you go ♪ >> mike said on your news report i hear you talk about the opening ceremonies. while i was a little surprised to hear they will feature a number of mary poppins fighting an oversided vaultamort. it made me wonder what we would feature in wisconsin. we would try to knock down bowling pins with oversized cheese cubes and oversized children would be swimming in a vat of beer. >> there was that one in france that was this surreal

monstrosity. >> yeah. >> the french just tried to be -- >> that was like a bad acid trip. as is everything mitt romney . [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> the independent headline mitt the twit and the romney shamblings, committing a collective gasp and then the flip flopping. the olympic gasp overshadowed his trip to london meanwhile they said he was devoid of charm and a wazzock. what is that? >> you might have to make up new words -- >> it is british for douche i think. >> probably. >> is this guy really prepared to be president? the reporter trashed the gop

candidate's comments as just draft. they are busting out all the good stuff. >> yeah, love that word. >> in an interview -- oh he did piers morgan, who we're still willing to trade for -- >> you know they can keep both of them. >> there you go. we'll air lift the whole set. >> wozzoca is an idiot. >> what is the number one word you use a regular guy, man of the people fabulous. on piers morgan he said it is great, it is absolutely fabulous. i have a -- i -- i have never been to the olympics before, i was given the olympics job oh it's so fabulous. not just the athletes but all

the volunteers. they are fabulous. >> that's three times useings the word fabulous. >> romney added i think you are going to see terrific games that will long name our memories. >> i think there will be swimming things, and catching and throws of things perhaps in that order. and people with balls bounding over walls -- >> balls -- >> yeah, that will be put shot. >> how are you doing? >> i would like to be the official crop collector for the "stephanie miller show." >> that is a tough job. >> people are talking about the corn but it is also the soy.

>> i saw a farmer with a couple of nasty pieces of corn -- >> yeah. >> my point about mitt the last three republicans -- think about sarah palin said -- you know, the queen was the leader and you had bush and everybody else and now this guy, but rich people are supposed to travel and go places? how does he not know anything? >> draft. >> i just went to the special olympics, and it's not half as hard as running the whole olympics, and he had to get them to redo the roads because it was in the middle of nowhere. >> and all of that government money to do that. >> half a billion dollars. >> that was my favorite moment in game change. >> i would just call the queen and tell her to get with the prom in iraq. the queen is not in charge.

oh, who is? [ applause ] >> just for the comedy genius was see? i picture the queen -- >> i here you don't do anything so can i talk to the king. [ phone ringing ] >> hey, queenie? >> hello? no, she doesn't come to the phone. >> she's not here. >> i picture the queen having to tell her i'm not in charge. >> is she down at the olympics? are you watching that stuff? >> by the way, wozzock originally meant bull's pizzle. >> oh, that can't be good. [ applause ] >> it's rubbish isn't it? >> susan in massachusetts. hi, susan. >> good morning, steph. >> good morning. >> i am so distraught. >> why? >> because nobody has taken into consideration if mitt romney

should lose the election what is the man going to do? >> oh, he is going to lose it. >> he might go back to switzerland to count his money because he closed his account. and he can't go back to bain -- >> he is losing in massachusetts by 21 points. >> we wouldn't have that man back as a dog catcher. >> it will be nick nolty's mug shot all over again. [ laughter ] >> i love that laugh. >> i loved the way she said dog catcher. >> it's hard to know just how well it will turn out. do they come together and celebrate the olympic moment? >> what? >> he is just so no it all and douchy. it's like you don't go to

another country and act like an expert -- >> here is an olympic thing is something they broadcast on -- >> they have been preparing for how many years? >> that's just actually challenging as if the people of london will enjoy it or not. the olympic spirit isn't about whether or not to get the stands built. it's about whether or not these people are smart enough to enjoy sports. >> i don't think these crowd people have the olympic spirit. >> what did i say? >> yeah. >> look read my book -- >> the british prime minister's response. >> we are holding olympic games in one of the busiest most active bustling cities in all of the world, and of course it's easier if you hold the olympic games in the middle of nowhere. [ laughter ] >> map of your magic underwear. >> london is a roman city

initially. yeah. >> there is no grid system whatsoever. >> yes. >> you are the tube. >> yeah, and you fill it with millions of tourist -- the regular number of tourists and pile on top all of the people that want to come to the games, on top of the security for the games, on top of all of the people in the city there is more people in the city than in the state of utah. >> he then offered a few phrases, calling any city's preparation really quite an accomplishment. i'll very delighted with the prospects of highly successful olympic games. i expect the games to be highly successful. [ mocking laughter ] >> that's what you are supposed to say when they ask you the question in the first place, you dumb ass >> president dumb ass. >> all you had to do was bunt.

>> coming up i right-wing world charles says the same -- he should have just taed quiet. >> he is now rich douche internationally hated. >> he would have been fine if he just said something dumb. >> i'm looking forward to these games. >> who wouldn't be looking forward to the olympics -- >> except for dressage. >> yeah, i'm rich enough to forget i have horses. >> hi, bill. >> hi, happy sexy liberal weekend to you all. >> happy sexy liberal weekend to you. >> i have two things. one in flip flop's defense think he didn't think the major and prime minister was anglo-saxon

enough. and two, i'm waiting for someone -- like you guys maybe -- to point out how romney is over there -- he says he is not over there watching the olympics. so what is he over there doing? >> he is over there selling himself to barclays -- >> yes, to the investors -- >> to the ceo of barclays which may actually serve time. and i think it should be called lie-bore from now on. >> yeah. ♪ you are a lying sack of crap ♪ >> the interest rate by what they tell you on an honor system as opposed to tracking how much they actually get. how hard it is to get a number from the bank deliver that

number on a spreadsheet and they just come over and go one or two. >> or three. >> what will raise our stock price this afternoon, so i can buy in and out in an afternoon. 3-1. yeah. that's what it was. >> it's not hump days, but it's hal. >> this is all very strange. >> i agree something is not right. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ >> we talk a lot about the influence of money in politics. it is the defining issue of this era. the candidate with the most money does win. this is a national crisis.

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♪

♪ always -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ there to remind me ♪ ♪ always -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> man. we were speculating on the things that romney might say in israel. >> yeah. honestly i expect this to get worse. >> they may have to just abort the tour. >> yes they may have to keep him on message with a shoe horn. it will be the most -- you think he is robotic now. it will be like the old-fashioned punch card computers. they are going to ask him questions and he is going to go tick, tick tick tick, ding. and then people are going to read it. >> yeah the mind bogles in

israel. i think your religion is fabulous, i can't wait to baptize you after you are dead. [ buzzer ] >> what did i say? trevor in phoenix welcome. >> has anyone noticed besides me that mitt romney kind of talks like a dressage horse. >> yeah, he really does. >> i think there's a level of caution in every physical -- >> he can't even commit to a step. >> yeah. >> put your right leg in and put your right leg out -- >> it's like he is doing the hokey pokey -- >> you do the hokey pokey and turn your position around. that's what it is all about. [ laughter ] >> holy smokes. >> he probably -- he is probably

a dressage horse choreographer. do it like this. >> he either has handlers that say don't talk about your wife's horse being in the olympics -- >> and meanwhile he is not only involved. he picks the music. and he probably is the music choreographer. >> yeah. ♪ frosty, frosty ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ my rafalca ♪ ♪ oh my little pony one, pony one, my rafalca ♪ ♪ oh your main is soft ♪ ♪ such a fine equine and

dressage it up ♪ ♪ my, my my rafalca ♪ [ applause ] >> oh, rocky mountain mike. >> left to his own devices he is the kind of guy that would be -- maybe i should talk about polo that sounds less elitest. >> did i just get an idea for sexy liberal jacki schechner will ride a dressage horse out and flipping the baton. dan in nashville, you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, dan. >> morning. >> morning. >> i'm in the land of way too many chick-fil-as. but there are a lot of other choices if you want greasy chicken. >> the only -- >> by the way, i'm eating the

non-bigoty chicken. >> that's what they should change their name to by gotty chicken. >> is there anything left that comes from the conservative heart, side mind that can be considered ostensibly good? >> yeah, i don't know. and now with citizens united by the way -- this is a segue -- listen to this -- with citizens united pretty much anybody can have a pac these days. >> in 2011 we inflicted you with obama derangement syndrome. in 2012 despite many conditions ndition

has worsened. we're proud to announce the formation of skeeter acts dedicated to counter the effects of obama derangement syndrome. we can put people with ods in special rooms. won't you help. skeeter didn't build this condition by himself. and obama derangement syndrome won't end without your help. please give today. >> who was the guy? [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> rachel -- >> that is not a guy. >> rocky mountain mike. skeeter is back. yay! >> yeah. >> let's go to daryle in alabama. hey, daryle, welcome. >> hey, thank you for taking my

call. i love your show. >> thank you. >> i tell everybody about your show. and we can't get anything like you over the airways. >> you can't get me anywhere. >> since there's no chance of getting your show here we all just need to be listening to you in the morning. even though romney is really funny, it's important for people to remember that george bush was an ignorant buffoon and he still got elected, because there is a brood swath of people that want him to be ignorant. >> yeah, that's a good thing to piss off an ally. >> yes, he is absolutely right. they may be using this as almost a plan. hey, we won with the dumb guy last time -- >> he -- we're going to end up

like europe if we're not careful -- >> yeah. >> yeah, if you are elected. >> shock doctrine. >> exactly. robert in albuquerque, you are on the "stephanie miller show" on who mitt looks like. go ahead robert. >> first of all, hal, my uber talented brother i saw you on sports you blew out the catcher. >> you have ten seconds. mitt romney looks like who? >> mitt romney looks a like more like clark griswold on european vacation. >> he is going to try to light christmas lights in poland >> or israel. [ laughter ]

"stephanie miller show." [♪ theme music ♪] hum, hello current tv world. wow, there are so many reasons to love jacki schechner, and the fact that she is a really heavy drinker is just -- [ laughter ] >> jeff basoso who founded amazon, he was at the wedding you were just at this weekend. the one that tom petty played at. >> yeah. >> this is the kind of folks she hangs out with. somebody did stats on how

many -- >> the groom sent out the stat of how many drinks were consumed that night. and it was an average of 9-plus drinks per person. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> the 466 glasses of mine, i think 46 of those were mine. >> i have partied with you. i know. >> a good portion were tiny little drinks made only of tequila. >> now here she is drunky mcdrunkerson. >> totally cyber. >> yeah. . >> jeff and his wife mckinney have just pledged $2 million to support referendum 74 which was helped pushed through by the

governor of washington state, but opponented have enough signatures to put it on the ballot in november. they got an email from one of the earliest amazon employees asking for his help. and he wrote back two days later saying that he and his wife were in for $2.5 million. target is hitting the market with a new print advertisement for its wedding registry for same-sex couples. the ad features two men with the tag line be yourself together. since coming under fire a couple of years ago, target has apologized and taken on a much more gay supporting stance. and a little bit later this hour, the president is going to

reaffirm his commitment to israel. he is going to sign the u.s. israel enhanced security cooperation act. we're back with more after the break. ♪ >> this court has proven to be the knowing, delighted accomplice in the billionaires' purchase of our nation. >> and you think it doesn't affect you? think again.

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[ ♪ theme music ♪ ] [♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine, woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> oh yeah, it is. it is sexy liberal weekend in los angeles, everybody! [ applause ] >> hal sparks right there. john fugelsang calling in next hour to talk about the big night tomorrow night. >> it is going to be huge. >> huge. >> and willie nelson's tickets

we are auctioning them off. and he has some prime suite meet and greet tickets. the auction is tomorrow. my wife says hey, steph you have changed my wife from a frustrated sexy liberal to a happy sexy liberal. skip and papi will be hopefully sitting in those seats. >> skip and papi sitting pretty. >> i had chris google how many various awards our celebrity guests on panel -- we have two. >> huge! >> together they have won seven emmies, nominated for 17 others won one grammy, nominated for three others, won two others. [ applause ] [ screaming ] ♪ who could it be yeah ♪ >> and lawrence in massachusetts, who is

clearly -- he is a radio geek like us, chris. >> yeah saw this. >> and guess who else will be there, bill handle. >> okay, sure. >> is sensay going to punch him in the middle of the show if he yells out. >> he is a huge sexy liberal fan. and he said this yesterday. >> this saturday "stephanie miller show," miss liberal over there on k-rock is doing one of our shows which i'm going to attend. it's at the pantages theater. there are very few tickets left. but this is the enemy talking -- and she is hilarious, and a group of very liberal

comedians with her. this is fun stuff. this is going to the dark side and watching vaultamort on stage. [ applause ] >> thank you. >> i am vaultamort -- >> and who is mary poppins? >> john. [ laughter ] >> not me. >> he said steph in a peak of voltage envy steph mentioned the 50,000 watt station, the mother ship of your show is also on a 50,000 watt station. but not upped by the police calls as george carlin used to say. [ applause ] >> and our team will be there tomorrow night. >> of course. and i love how we talk about

wattage and how it reaches people -- >> his big handle and his big giant stick will be there tomorrow night. >> yeah. you plug a little cable into our -- >> this is a subversive way to get me i, heart, switcher. >> yes. >> and lots of fresh new crunchy comedy goodness by mitt romney. and by tomorrow night imagine how many more stupid things he would have said. >> yeah. >> and i want to send thoughts and prayers out to wendy schultz. ed schultz's wife. i knew about this last weekend, wendy who is literally the nicest woman i think i have ever met. and she is battling ovarian

cancer. and ed has been my big brother, and wendy has been so kind to me. >> before this show started ed had you fill in on his show. >> yeah. >> oh, nice. >> i just texted him, and said big bro so sorry, and please give wendy my love. so do that if you can, send an email or something. >> he has twitter too. if you want to contact him that way. >> yeah. big progressive group hug. now let's go to cindy in michigan. hi, cindy. >> hi. >> hi hal. >> hi. >> [ inaudible ]. >> i know. >> [ inaudible ]. >> i know. i know. well -- that's why she reserved all of her surlyness for me. >> right. it bounced off of me and on to

you. >> i know. >> but you know, i cannot believe that mitt romney would go to england -- to london specifically and question the spirit of the of that city a place that endured constant.coming by the nazis in world war ii, he is going to question their spirit, their resiliency; that they even have the spirit. and when he goes to israel, you are trying to think of thing has he would say. i can see him looking at some of the sites, and saying that wailing wall is not the right height. [ laughter ] >> that's right. jim ward does nothing but comedy on that one. somebody said he looks like clark griswold in european vacation. he said he is going to try to hook up christmas lights on that. >> all right.

david cameron. >> i think we'll show the whole word that we have come together not only as a united kingdom, but we're extremely good as welcoming people around the world. >> the guardian wrote if mitt romney doesn't like us, we shouldn't care. he is devoid of personaltive and mildly offensive. mitt romney. >> i'm very delathed with the prospects of a highly successful olympic games. what i see shows imagination and forethought and a lot of organization, and expect the games to be highly successful. >> they didn't just sit down and actually draft a legal -- literally that was -- >> you can hear -- >> oh man. say this exactly now.

look don't say anything but -- >> i'm sure the games will be entirely successful. >> sorry my ear piece fell out -- >> it was like my fair lady they had to rehearse it -- >> and bain. >> no! don't bring up bain. >> don in california you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> hi, there. good morning. sorry about that. my phone was messing up. how are you doing? >> good. go ahead. >> last night mitt romney was on piers morgan, and pie rs asked him about a foreign policy question, and he said since he was on a foreign policy land he didn't think it was appropriate to answer foreign policy questions related to his campaign. and he compared tim mcveigh as like the shooter in aurora. and tim mcveigh was a terrorist. >> he basically used that -- he used that as an excuse to say

you can't regulate guns because tim mcveigh killed everybody using fertilizer but immediately afterwards they started regulating the sale of ammonia nitrate. and how many giant fertilizer bombs have you heard of going off since then. you haven't! that's the point. >> and it doesn't address -- do you know how many military veterans we call in and say people shouldn't have the weapons. these are military -- they belong in the theater of war not on the streets. >> the point that you have so much ammo that you see to become a person with a gun you become a bomb. >> and they were saying with this kind of weapon you could have had 12 navy sales and take

you out. all of these armchair heros -- this is a military weapon. >> and everybody talks about how much he planned this. he had a goal. i will give him that. but a plan is actually expectation of someone coming in the opposite direction of equal force, that you go they'll do this, i'll do this. all he did was i'll walk into a room full of people eating popcorn and open fire while gas the place. >> yeah. >> anybody defending these large guns are basically defending cop killers. anybody who goes you might need an assault weapon. they are not worried about china coming over here. >> hal, that's what we were talking about yesterday.

when did -- i thought they were the party of law and orders. and liberals are weannys. and any police chief will say the same thing. >> yeah, they want to stockpile weapons -- >> whether it's union stuff or gun stuff. now i guess the cops are the enemy of the republican party. i'm like when did that happen? >> because they are in a union. >> and there's money to be made in the like build your own bunker fear camp -- >> carolyn mccarthy said four people have been armed on that long island train -- and he said i talked to a lot of policeman and not one things that would have been a good idea. >> yeah, in a room full of smoke by the way, where people are dressed up as characters in that room in batman outfits or dressed as -- just wearing black

emblems. smoke starts going off and he starts shooting -- >> yeah, and you would have hit him in the face because he had body armor on. >> right. 17 minutes after the hour. right back with hal sparks on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: if you turn her on, she'll turn you on. >> oh, god. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

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what the current audience can expect from my show is the unexpected. >>stephanie miller challenges the system, now it's your turn. >>it's a little bit of magic. >>connect with "talking liberally with stephanie miller" at facebook.com/stephaniemillershow and on twitter at smshow. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ beautiful day ♪ ♪ beautiful day ♪

♪ don't let it get away ♪ >> woo-hoo! >> just the right height. >> yeah. it's sexy liberal in l.a. everybody. like sexy liberal prom weekend. hal sparks is here right now. and john fugelsang will be at my house later. [ applause ] >> there were really awful storms in new york last night. >> yeah. >> it was absurd coming back from pittsburgh, and you could tell the plane was taking off -- there was none of that -- it was like get on the runway and get the hell out of here! and we drove out to the end, turned around, screech, boom. >> i have an email from the owner of the show who is trying to kill me for the life insurance money. hudson is

rising. >> oh, he has never been on a subway. >> speaking of disasters mitt romney yesterday. >> the country is in need of a turn around. the olympics was a turnarounds, and businesses i have been associated with that needed a turn around, that kind of experience of focusing on the most critical issue, building the most effective team possible, creating a common vision delivering around that vision and then seeing results is something that the american people would like to experience. >> by the way we were talking about the british press but even the sun tabloid said all in all not great day at the office for mitt. [♪ somber music ♪] >> so mitt romney disses our

olympics, we're the easy piecy part of the visit. what is going to happen in china. >> forming the best team by the way -- put the best people together to work on this kind of stuff? who does he have in his foreign policy camp? the lovely john bolton -- all like psycho hawks who can't wait -- >> yeah, of all the reasons is that not the most terrifying one, that just has war with iran written all over it. >> does sheldon adelson know he wants to baptize him after he is dead. >> that's just rude to bring that up while you are still alive. in that spoils the whole trick.

>> how does that not come up in israel. i love his defense was -- i haven't done that lately. >> yes. mitt romney yesterday. >> [ inaudible ]. >> hum. that was him walking about my wife. >> she has a horse or something. i really lost track. i don't know where i am. i'm so dizzy and tired. >> chris in oakland. hi chris. >> hey, please forgive me as i bumble through this a little bit more this morning i'm a little upset because i had to say good-bye to rebecca. >> oh. >> i would like to offer two pieces of unrelated and

unsolicited advice. number 1 to mr. sparks. hal, i think you need to watch that smart mouth of yours or you are going to end up with your own show. >> actually i do have my own show it's chicago's progressive talk.com. it's all the station in chicago that carries steph. >> thank you. all right. any other warnings for us? >> if it was up to me, you would be on network. number 2 i have a little piece of advice for the romney campers. i think they should now run the line -- back and forth -- but the now line should now been mittens could not have possibly been responsible for the shenanigans at bain because if you look at how he has just fumble bleeped this thing, how

could he possibly have orchestrated all that stuff at bain. >> again sometimes all you have to do is turn the evil people loose. look at what he is supposed to be thinking. look at bringing in people like john bolton. that's the kind of guy he is. pretend you are friend of the world, but hire everybody that would carve the world up into chunk. >> here is the london mayor. >> there is a guy -- there is a guy named mitt romney who wants to know whether we're ready. are we ready? are we ready? [ cheers ] >> here is a random london resident. >> mitt romney is rude. to criticize the country [ inaudible ]. >> is mitt romney a right

wanker. >> free bird! let's go to bob in tacoma. >> it's the official liberal gulf war veteran of the is "stephanie miller show." i'm happy for you, proud of you, and heart broken because i still adore you. >> you still have the same shot you had before. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> if i'm speculating what is he going to say when he gets to poland poland, and it's probably something like you people are a lot smarter than the jokes say. >> it's good to be here in polock. >> 29 minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

>>it's the place where democracy is supposed to be the great equalizer, where your vote is worth just as much as donald trump's. we must save the country. it starts with you.

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in your jeep grand cherokee. and when you do, you'll be grateful for the adaptive cruise control that automatically adjusts your speed when approaching slower traffic. and for the blind spot monitoring that helps remind you that the highway might not be as desolate... ...as you thought. ♪ ♪ vanguard: the documentary series that redefined tv journalism. >>we're going to places where few others are going. >>it doesn't get anymore real than this. >>occupy! >>we will have class warfare. >>i'm being violated by the health-care system. >>we're patrolling the area looking for guns, drugs, bodies. >>we go in and spend a considerable amount of time getting to know the people and the characters that are actually living these stories. >>the award winning series "vanguard" only on current tv.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> she is so amazing. i have to listen. >> are you sure that's the type of person you want as your life coach. she just seems a little off. >> don't all life coaches seem a little off. >> little bit, little bit. it is the -- [ screaming ] . >> -- "stephanie miller show." we're doing the really good mitt romney jokes off camera. we're saving those for tomorrow night. very, very tickets left but go

get them it will be the parte of partes. only go to the links if you are on sexy liberal facebook or twitter. >> yeah or hal sparks twitter feed, john fugelsang twitter feed. >> how much do we hate scalpers. a lot. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> if you google it, they go it's sold out, but we have tickets for only a million dollars a ticket. and hal sparks next week? >> i'm on comedy off broadway in lexing season kentucky. there is's a high probability that if you come to that show my mom will be in the back yelling dirtier. [ laughter ] >> i don't think you get that from your mom. >> no. no. >> she encouraging that behavior. >> oh, stephanie why do you have to be so blue.

>> why didn't you be like rita rutner. >> yeah. taller. >> and drying out. >> you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> hi, momma. i just wanted to say you guys remember back when mitt romney made that comment to that lady about -- you know, the cookies? >> yes. >> that they looked like they were from 7-eleven? >> yes, he is a walking gasp. >> what they call it down in the sow is hoof in mouth disease. >> all right. let's go to right-wing world.

>> mitt romney answer is unbelievable. it's beyond human understanding. all the man has to do is say nothing. all he has to do is finish. he doesn't have to win. instead he tackles the guy in think lane next to him and ends up disqualified. i don't get it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that's probably the most creative use of his vocabulary that he has had to use for years. basically krouthiemer is a rubber stamper. >> i love it. steven from the right-wing world is like what a dork. that guy is a doofus. ted nugent oh must we on the colorado tragedy. >> this monster in aurora took 20 minutes to do his evil. you don't need an assault weapon

or a machine gun, but you could do more damage with a single shot or a bolt action because he had 20 minutes -- >> no, he didn't. 90 seconds -- >> yeah, the police were there inless than two minutes -- >> they found him in the parking lot 20 minutes later, that's when he gave up. but the shooting part of it took just a couple of minutes. >> and the important thing the police response time was unbelievable, less than two minutes. >> and he could have done more damage -- >> basically he could have killed the same number of people with a bolt action in that amount of time. if you have a bolt action rifle somebody could have jumped him. >> exactly. >> which is kind of the point! >> sean hannity, he is the last man standing defending michele bachmann. >> michele bachmann is under heavy fire right now, and it's ticking me off because it's not

just democrats, it's john mccain, john boehner, attacking michele bachmann and three other house republicans and loui gomer who called for an investigation into radical, islamic infull trags potentially. >> the new evidence we're make up -- >> pulled it out of your ass. >> yeah, hold on a second that tickles. i got my watch caught on my belt loop trying to get the new information. there it is. i can't read it. >> john sanunu. >> this you didn't build it moment is really resinating around the country. >> no. >> when you look at the context, the context is worse, and even worse than the context is the

tone, and the really arrogant and insulting way he is addressing people who have had success. >> oh, god. >> another word for uppity. >> why doesn't he act better -- >> he had an uppy tone a non-anglo-saxon uppity tone. >> eric kill immediate. >> great point on to bill clinton, he reformed welfare. he added work. at least if you are receiving welfare you should at least try to be working. whereas president obama said we are add journalling school and dressage as work. >> because of bush -- [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] . >> -- the economy was in

prefall, so obviously the poorest are hit the hardest. they are trying to ease some of these things. >> and also widening what is actually accepted as work related so you can go to massage school or go to school -- >> communism! naziism! >> yeah, so he was not pulling us out of a recession -- >> kenyonism! >> i think there are some massage therapists that will take issue with that. some massage therapists are very expensive. >> yeah, ask mitt romney i'm sure he gets the finest. >> or john travolta. >> oh. >> [ inaudible ]. >> he says the republican nominee is missing a great opportunity. what do you mean jim? the core economic capitalist things that we know and love that have worked for us. i think a bad reception in

europe -- >> hello? >> we just lost our -- our feed but -- did the white house control that feed? >> yes. well the muslim brotherhood -- >> look at that president obama signs u.s. egypt security act. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> why is mittens going to israel now? >> to tell him what a bad thing it is. >> oh i see. >> where is my harlem globe trotter music. [ harlegal globe trotter's whistling ] >> he may be on the payroll -- >> because they were mostly white, they were anglo-saxons is that what you are saying? >> i'm just saying obama just dribbled the ball through his

legs. >> he totally did. >> considering he is looking out the backside of 10 downing street, i would call that a reverse stuff. >> he just dribbled it ah of his head and romney's shorts well. [♪ somber music ♪] >> and here is a bucket of confetti! >> and throws him a ceramic basketball and when he tries to bounce it once it smashes on the floor. >> i heard limbaugh saying -- romney landslide, romney land side. i'm like, okay, rush. >> obama is more curlily neil than meadow lark lemon. >> thank you. so stipulated. buddy in columbus. >> before i say anything big

shoutout and much love to peca. >> yes. from all of us. >> the stupid thing i can really see mitt going a polish guy, an english guy, and a rabbi walk into a bar -- >> and i'm not there. >> mitt says stupid junk all the time in the states. >> right. >> and our press doesn't touch it. >> you are right. >> doesn't touch it -- >> it took the british press to highlight it. >> yeah. bad thing about him dressing up as a policeman and pulling people over, that crosses a whole bunch of lines. what are we going to find next tie down straps and chloroform? >> right.

>> it took the british press to go wait a second that's insulting what he is saying -- >> we have to be even handed -- >> like everybody talks that way. >> rich douchy no it all that everybody is like -- you know when everybody in britain and charles krouthammer agree there has been a break in the time space continuum. >> ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for a shock. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ >> on "the stephanie miller show" in suburban america this >> it's "the stephanie miller show." [ ♪ music ♪ ]

of sununu, you're wrong. mitt romney, you're wrong. we need more teachers, not fewer teachers and more cops and more firefighters that support our

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eliot spitzer joins the new news network. we don't stop until we get answers that are truthful, serious, not based on simplistic answers. >>only on current tv. [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ yes sir ♪

♪ hah hah ♪ ♪ feeling hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ feeling hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ oh lord ♪ >> oh lord. 49 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. julie has sent us a guide to mitt romney gaffe-a-palooza. bash europe in an interview. >> done. >> appear to forget the labor party leader's name. >> who? >> spill the beans of your top secret meeting of the m-16 -- >> mi-6. >> yes sorry. inspire brits to create a hashtag like this romney going home in shambles. >> i now declare these games.

[ off key ] ♪ oh beautiful for spacious chis, of amber waves of grain, for purple mountain's majesty, above the fruited planes ♪ >> wow. >> wow. [ applause ] >> thank you rocky mountain mike. the queen! >> i have a headache now. >> the queen will be opening the games. >> i now declare these games to be open, and so are my legs come and get it boys. [ applause ] >> the prince once said she was insatiable. >> i hall have to invent viagra. >> maybe mitt will call the queen a slut before she leaves. >> do i have to follow that? >> yes you do. >> this is the official truck

driving minister of the "stephanie miller show." >> nice timing james. >> for wendy schultz, prayers go out to her. >> absolutely. >> rebecca good-bye good luck and god bless you. and my favorite headline is mitt the twit. the first lady is giving a pep talk, and tomorrow the headline will be michelle our bell. because she will do great. i wanted to ask you if you had heard the rumor that the republican party is in such disarray and panic that they are going to try to find someone else to nominate -- >> i have heard more and more serious people, james putting that out there, and i don't know -- i don't know what you think, hal. what credence is there in that? between taxes, bain, and all of this stuff coming up that he may not be the nominee. >> that i doubt, i seriously

doubt, although i think it could be a crash coming. here is the thing, the october surprise may be a forgone conclusion by mid-september. all of the stuff -- there's so much of it and he is obviously running from all of it. that's the amazing part. and the obama administration is going how would you feel if he didn't pay any taxes for a few years. >> the republicans would say that's great. >> bill in albany. >> hey, stephanie. you guys are great. >> thank you. >> and i'm still basking in the blow of the boston show. there is a new shakeup in the romney campaign. did you hear about it? >> no i did not. >> they are -- mit, and rpi, they are looking for a new programmer for the romney bot. >> see what you did there.

[♪ circus music ♪] >> yeah. they actually have a guy that place mind craft on the weekends is going to be doing it for a while. >> linda in north carolina. welcome. >> yeah, hi. i just wanted to point out that the olympics that romney was in charge of was the winter olympics, hardly the scale of the summer olympics. >> that's true and in the middle of nowhere as the british prime minister points out. no offense salt lake but you are not london. >> no. as many people can fit in a neighborhood of london as the every tire city of salt lake. glenn you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> hey. for all of us gun-hating liberals out there i think it's time we start a super pac and direct everything that we have in the super pac all of the guns at the nra and try to take

them down like they have been trying to take down america. >> i think it's not a bad move to do some sort of, you know, balance to that conversation. >> yeah. >> there certainly needs to be in all honesty there needs to be a corresponding extra political group to deal with a lot of this stuff. it will be hard -- because they -- >> the white house and the senate's top democrat made it clear new gun legislation will not be on the political agenda, instead president obama plans to focus on other ways to combat gun violence. it is the political reality. carney said president obama will work to enhance existing laws. >> there is no way there would be movement on this. the obama administration does not need to fight any battles they know they are going to lose -- even stuff people agree

on across the board, they are getting historic levels of opposition. [ ♪patriotic music♪ ] >> by the way, republican scorecard governor grandholm posted on facebook the republicans have introduced 46 bills on abortion, 113 bills on religion, 73 bills on family relationships, 604 bills on taxation, 467 bills on government investigation, and blocked the american jobs act. [ applause ] >> that's your -- >> yeah, loosening the amount you can have -- >> because clearly our gun laws are too restrictive. [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> yeah. >> they want to turn gun walking into gun jogging. >> he president called for

stepped-up background checks. even that is controversial -- [ screaming ] >> that's because there is a big section of this crowd that listens to a lot of alex jones that things anybody in the government or out of government at the time as being declared mentally ill because you don't agree with the administration. >> yeah. the president said yesterday i also believe a got of gun owners believes an ak 47 belong in the hands of the soldiers not the citizens. romney was asked. and he described such guns as instruments of destruction with the soul purpose of hunting down

and killing people. asked if he stood by those comments, he said he didn't think current laws needed to change. >> that was then this is now. that is pretty much the rom any defense. >> i don't happen to believe america needs new gun laws. a lot of what this young man did was against the law -- >> no it was all legal. that was the problem. as was the purchasing of 6,000 rounds -- of tons of fertilizer so you could make a bomb. that was legal -- >> now it's not. >> -- now it's not. >> 58 minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ governor tomorrow night. she is awesome. we'll be right back on the "stephanie miller show."

[♪ theme music ♪] >> hello current tv world. jacki schechner tomorrow night our two surprise guests on panel, do you have a majorette award that you got -- >> there's actually like a container of all of the trophies and medals. my mother doesn't throw any of that stuff out. >> wow! >> i knew it. >> send the outfit. >> i'm sure i have it somewhere. >> stop it perv.

because we're thinking about flying you in like mary poppins -- >> and dressed as voldemort. >> the cirque du soleil of you -- >> yes. and we can light the ends of her baton on fire. >> am i allowed to say no? [ laughter ] >> good morning all. according to the associated press the britains who have been complaining for months about all of the inconveniences of the games are finally rallying around their city. they have been complaining for months over everything from inconvenient traffic patterns to too many tourists but now with mitt romney questioning whether the city is ready, the britains are coming together in favor of

their own. it is likely an ohio thing, john boehner tells fox he is partial to ohio senator bob portman. he says he knows his way around d.c. and would be good for mitt romney. they sent 12 years together in the house. and rudy giuliani is rooting for marco rubio. he said he thinks rubio would be the best pick. speaking of tampa, the "new york times" reporting that tampa strip clubs are gearing up for the republican national convince in august. one plans to have a sarah palin look-alike headlining there at the end of next month. the trade association for strip clubs say republicans drop a lot

more money than democrats do at their establishments. >> we talk a lot about the influence of money in politics. it is the defining issue of this era. the candidate with the most money does win. this is a national crisis.

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[ ♪ theme music ♪ ] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine it's time to feel good hey all right now ♪ >> yahoo! it is the "stephanie miller show." john fugelsang sexy liberal calling in in just a few minutes. sexy liberal hal sparks right there. yahoo. >> uh-huh. >> 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. getting ready. this is it. the party of all partes. >> this is a special callout to

all of your l.a. pregnantives out there, a short distance dedication. the stephanie miller sexy liberal tour is come backing back to l.a. the world famous pantages theater will host the sexy liberal comedy tour, with john fugelsang, hal sparks and stephanie miller. tickets are currently available online at ticketmaster.com at the pantages box office or by calling. a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the trevor project. >> yes. >> the sexy liberal return starts now. >> i just ran into our

right-wing friend and he is going to pull the plug on his giant 50,000 watt stick -- >> that's like 76,000 watts. >> yeah. this is the biggen venue we have played. this 2700 seats. >> and in l.a. that's a big deal. i once saw steve martin when he first started his banjo tour and there were 80 people in the audience. and the reason why is they sold 250 tickets or had them set aside for agents and management and all -- >> yeah, industry comps. >> and because they are free they don't care and try to shovel them off to friends who also have other plans, and you end up watching steve martin with 76 other fans. >> that's right.

but thank you, l.a. we love l.a.! >> yes, your top 1% all of these big celebrities just buy tickets -- >> no no favors -- >> yeah it's hilarious. speaking of -- ♪ >> no, the two celebrities on panel responsible for a big bag of emmies and tonies and oscars -- trust me you will be very thrilled. but the official rapper macaroni will be there. ♪ i'm kind of rough, and my hair kind of messy ♪ ♪ i need help momma, please you told me that you love me ♪ ♪ she said no and gave me two tickets to the show ♪ ♪ but i love how you do your

thing with john fugelsang ♪ ♪ pay a little extra just to meet ya and greet ya. stephanie miller, yeah it looks good ♪ ♪ no, i don't regret it the sexy liberal ♪ ♪ and chris comes in i'm the official rapper of the "stephanie miller show" ♪ [ applause ] >> you'll get to meet him we'll be in the vip meet and greet. you'll be meeting jacki. >> that's the first time i think i'll meet her in person. >> extra security. >> yeah. >> spray him with the non-lethal stick glue.

[ laughter ] >> jacki is going to be getting curved out in person. check this out, high guys i had a medical check uptoday. weeks ago i stopped reading or watching the news yours is the only political show i listen to. and now my blood pressure is much lower. yours is the only show i listen to. >> the "stephanie miller show" lower your cholesterol. ♪ >> consult you doctor if you are pregnant, awake or breathing within 12 hours.

seek immediate medical at attention if ingested. >> hi, dana. >> good morning. first i was in maryland and now i'm in california. hi, hal. >> hi. >> my high school reunion is tomorrow night, and i flew in for it and i always miss your show like by a day. it's ridiculous. when you came to minneapolis we moved like three weeks ago. my girlfriend got tickets and she is like blow your reunion off. >> who cares about those loser guys you went to high school with. >> i know right. but i just wanted to wish you a great show. and wave to my mom, say hi aknee that ta. >> hi, anita!

>> whatever. >> she probably looks great and she has kept the weight off, and she just wants to show up because everyone else has ballooned. you can't miss that reunion, when people facebook you and they are like did you eat shell fish and not know you were allergic. >> yeah, they look like they did in high school only the parade balloon version. >> all of the people on the football team are fat. >> all of the people that called you husky boy and pushed you down. >> roman gomez. [♪ dramatic music ♪] >> i have forgotten all of my bullies. >> george in phoenix, you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, george. >> good morning, your imaginesty. >> thank you. >> i was 135 in high school and i'm right now 137.

♪ let's hear it for the boys ♪ >> yeah. >> all right. i can't make it to l.a. i unfortunately got called into work, so what i'm going to do is make a donation to trevor and the obama recollection campaign for the amount of the tickets. >> george you are a sexy liberal. thank you. >> let me just say the london thing, we may not be giving him full credit. this may be a monty python kind of skit that he is trying to put together, so i think he should put the crowning glory on it -- >> he is not as smart as monty python. >> oh, yeah. governor bony finger as his vp. >> no. i think it's going to be our money pollenty. >> i think i'm actually thinner than i was in high school. because someone took me to a new

spinning class and they didn't tell me until after the class that the teacher was an olympic sprinter. because i was like wow, this almost killed me. i must be in bad shape. >> yeah, jim and i were talking about you burn about 50,000 calories a day -- but you only eat about 32. she just eats like the cookie monster it just falls out of though side. >> i told you yesterday, there is no recovery in this class, recover is staying alive. >> that's really dangerous. you can kill people doing that. >> she's like i'm training us like athletes. and i'm like some of us are not going to the olympics we're

just middle-aged drunks. >> if your heart rate is about 250 you need to stop -- >> the last place i want to be is in a room with someone like that coach. >> i love it. >> go! go! go! you are not good enough! >> i told you, i have turned into richard gere from officer and a gentlemen. i'm not quitting! i have nowhere else to go! >> instructor should my heart rate be that of a rabbit having a panic attack on a roller coaster. >> i love it. [ applause ] >> no recovery. recovery is staying live. >> you never go into sleep mode anyway. >> i'm like an ipad without that cover that makes it sleep. >> sleep is the enemy. >> and sleep. >> you can sleep when you are dead. >> absolutely.

>> just do it. >> or when other people are dead. >> what? >> huh? >> there would be more room in the bike class when everybody is dropping dead. >> they are not dropping dead. we're all fun. that's how you get better. [ applause ] >> right. >> i think i threw my back out. >> try to behave for goodness sake. otherwise you are going to have all idiots listening to your program. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show."

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♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller.

♪ goody to goody too shoes ♪ >> i'm trying to play all british. >> oh. >> right. i thought it was a long line of curiously ironic theme songs for steph. [ laughter ] >> you didn't even notice me repairing my own microphone. all of these big manly men around here -- >> you had to adjust it? >> i had to screw it in. >> you haven't had to do that in a long time. [♪ circus music ♪] >> all right. sexy liberal john fugelsang coming up in just a couple of minutes. katy in chicago. >> this is the official dog walking bartender of the "stephanie miller show." >> hello now.

>> i'm calling in with happy clappy news. i hope that skeeter is sitting down. i got a letter from my insurance letter this week and it begins dear katy you will receive a refund of a portion of your health insurance. >> i got that too. >> yes this refund is required by the affordable care act. >> thank you. >> my brother had a kidney transplant in his early 20s, so the lifetime cap was a real worry for him. should he get anything more serious -- >> or any two serious -- >> yeah. that and i got money back. >> thank you president obama. [ applause ] >> skeeter -- >> thank you -- >> we care. we have been trying to cure

skeeter's obama derangement syndrome for years. >> in 2011 we told you about skeeter affected be derangement syndrome. in 2012 despite many breakthroughs, skeeter's condition has worsened. we're proud to announce skeeter pac, dedicated to counter acting the effects of obama derangement syndrome. with your help we can put people with ods in rooms, and read to. won't you help? skeeter didn't build his condition by himself. and obama derangement syndrome won't end without your help.

>> hitler. >> that's my favorite it will her. >> rocky mountain mike. >> thank you rocky mountain mike. jay in texas you are on the "stephanie miller show." who's ipad is on? >> i have lots going on. >> all right. mr. apple boy. >> go ahead. >> or we're at the third floor for lingerie. hi, jay, sorry. >> how are you today, steph? >> good. go ahead. >> i am the official stephanie miller representative down here in the great red state of texas. >> oh, boy. >> i have a question and a comment. my comment is they know mitt romney is kind of a buffoon, so why don't they do like sarah palin and write his stuff on his hand. >> yes. you are a helper. >> he can't be a hawk dunce. you know what i mean? he -- that's why he is 2.0 kind

of. they have a new level of dunce. instead of having it written his in hands, he probably has people in the crowd holding up key words. >> yes. however, perhaps he should have written his thoughts on his hands. >> no, his thoughts aren't worth writing down. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> right. >> in the same interview with brian williams. brian wandered if america's path will make it end up like europe. if we keep going down the path we're on we'll end up like europe or worse. >> what an idiot. >> he has repeatedly said obama is taking us down a path like europe. european government who embraced austerity the hardest have seen their economies contract the most. that's the reality of that

mittens. that and you are a giant duffis. mary go ahead. >> romney is a buffoon and idiot, and he goes over there trying to be an ambassador -- >> yeah, let me show you how to do the olympics. >> oh no. >> i think as he travels place to place, mitt gets worse. [ laughter ] >> mitt gets worse. ron in colorado. hi, ron, welcome. >> hi, last night on "the young turks" they showed the lapel pens from the salt lake olympics, and there was one that just had mitt romney's face on it. >> oh, wow. >> and could you do your

impression of cenk uygur. >> i do an impression of a >> of course! >> of course! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> he could be like a soccer announcer, couldn't he. >> scooooooooooooooooore! >> got it. >> amazing breath control. >> i met the baby turk the other day. i said that's going to be like menudo. they will just keep popping turks on and on forever -- >> do you feed it bird style? >> there's no way i'm going to regurgitate baby turk style. >> go ahead. >> when you can't manage to be diplomatic in a country where

you have gone to accept huge brides, then this parrot has died clearly. >> it is passed on. >> and he is not a representative of america. >> yeah. >> he is just there as a dude. >> a dude and a douche. >> yeah. >> hello i'm america's spokes douche. >> and he steps in it and gets in trouble. thanks, mitt. >> as i said the president is going to have to do a apology tour everywhere mitt goes. 29 minutes after the hour. back with sexy liberal john fugelsang on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

>> this court has proven to be the knowing, delighted accomplice in the billionaires' purchase of our nation. >> and you think it doesn't affect you? think again. i can't stand these spots. those spots are actually leftover food and detergent residue that can redeposit on your dishware during the rinse cycle. gross. jet-dry rinse agent helps wash them away so the only thing left behind is the shine. jet-dry rinses away residues for a sparkling shine. here we are on the "full court press" this tuesday, june 12th. good to have you with us. >> announcer: on your radio, on tv, the "bill press show." new on current tv.

very, very excited about that and very proud of that. >>beltway politics from inside the loop. >>we tackle the big issues here in our nation's capital, around the country and around the globe. >>dc columnist and four time emmy winner bill press opens current's morning news block. >>we'll do our best to carry the flag from 6 to 9 every morning. >>liberal and proud of it.

[ ♪ music ♪ ] >> i'm going to do my own thing tonight, and then you and i -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> -- can hop back on the crazy train in the morning. >> you can't get off the crazy train. there's no stops. that's what takes it so crazy. [ laughter ] >> that's right. uh-huh. that's a bullet train. 34 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. sexy liberal hal sparks right there, sexy liberal john fugelsang, it's freaky friday. we switched them. >> yeah. [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> because hal was in pittsburgh throwing out the first pitch. >> thank you very much. it has worked for them to adopt

the sign. they beat them which i was very attorney about because i'm from chicago. but i don't normally give a crap about sports. >> didn't somebody have the audacity to call and criticize your pitch. >> yeah, totally. even though i got it across the plate it was low and inside and i'm comfortable with that. and i did it from the mound not halfway. >> in front of how many people? >> 30,000 people. >> did you catch the ball when you did the zoltan. >> thank for tuning into ball talk, everybody. [♪ "jeopardy" theme music ♪] >> isn't that normally what is going on here? >> yes earlier this week we talked about the guy with the 160-pound scrotum. >> that's five pounds less than

i weight. that's really creepy. >> mitt is simply not ready for the delicate dance when handling the nations abroad. who said that? >> george w. bush. >> some fancy nato -- >> who's name you can't pronounce. >> yeah. >> so you have skipped right over there. >> guess where mittens is less popular than england? massachusetts. this is unprecedented, they went through all of the numbers in all of the years, he is 21 percentage points behind obama in his home state, which is -- is -- is -- [♪ somber music ♪] >> who was involved in the 1946 election. >> i don't remember. >> that guy you can't pronounce.

>> look at here -- lyndon b johnson trounced goldwater in 1964. goldwater still care rid his home state of arizona. how about that mittens? [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> have you guys seen the olympic buttons, the pins that were put out when mitt ran the olympics, that were by the way made in china -- >> yeah >> one is a baseball hat that says mitt happens. [ laughter ] >> that i think -- i don't know why it is a baseball mitt, i think that's cute -- >> precious. >> they don't play baseball in the winter olympics. >> no, they don't. >> we just played our skitter bit -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> yeah. some voters still believe obama is muslim. more voters are uncomfortable

with president obama's religion than mitt romney's more gone faith, that's because many think he is muslim. a new study shows 60% of voters correctly identify romney's religion as mormon. 49% correctly identify president obama's religion as christian. 19% say that are uncomfortable, most of that believe he is a muslim. >> but they are coming at this poll like it was a problem. if he were a muslim that would be a problem. that's not a problem. >> no. the whole thing is confusing. the good news is it's friday -- ♪ with fugelsang ♪ ♪ it's friday ♪ ♪ with john fugelsang ♪ >> good morning, sexy liberal. on sexy liberal l.a. weekend. >> sexy liberal eve. >> exactly.

>> good morning, children how are you? >> all of the sexy liberal stocking are hung by the chimney with care. >> hal good job on the pitch. i always knew you were a pitcher and not a catcher. >> i will admit to being versatile. as a straight guy i'm totally open to that -- >> oh, my god. and earlier we were saying tomorrow night is going to be like the london opening ceremonies, and i said who are going to be the mary poppins, and hal said john. so we already got one in on you. but just go ahead and have your testosterone off. >> yeah, ball talk again. >> i'm here to give credit to ambassador romney.

>> i think he is the worst american ambassador since john bolton, who he also hired by the way. >> maybe so he can look better in comparison. >> ho has united all of britain. you have to do something crazy to get england that angry. >> yeah. >> i consider it is a big giant sexy liberal gift. >> oh, yeah. because mitt has been going around the world lying saying barack obama has been apologizing for america. and now he has to apologize for him. >> yeah. >> mitt romney was in london with a whole staff and all of his advisors. he didn't build those gaffes on his own. he had help. >> that's right. because they took several different things that he was supposed to be talking about at once, and then he jams them into

his head and he can't deal. >> yep. i agree. >> you -- i did see you last night, and you were great and somebody asked me what channel is john on? and i said all of them. just turn on the television and he will be on somewhere. >> fox doesn't have me anymore. >> now what have you done? >> we have replaced doocy's brain with a canned ham -- >> and no one noticed except his reflex improved. >> john fugelsang, almost sold out tomorrow night. are you excited? >> and you are still not lets us reveal the surprise guests. >> no. >> when people find out they will be outraged they didn't

come to the show. >> no, not classy to say who it is. but we did do fun facts. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> they have won 17 emmies won dun grammy and two tonies. >> and they are siamese twins. >> yeah that's why they cowon most of those things. >> no. it will be very exciting. opening will be as usual jim ward, chris lavoie and jacki schechner. >> yes. >> yeah. >> really? fantastic. i got to do an episode of the point with jacki earlier this week. great girl too bad about the looks. >> yeah. >> john fugelsang what was i

going to say -- the whole show may be about the romney gaffe-a-palooza. >> i hope so. if the dixie chick criticize the president overseas it's treason, but if mitt romney does it's pro growth. >> the way romney answered that question it's beyond understanding, i'm out of aj tiffs. all he has to do is say nothing. it's like the guy in the 100-meter dash, all he has to do is win instead of tackles the guy in the lane next to him and ends up disqualified. >> wow. when you don't have charles krauthammer on your side you have lost the war. >> yeah. well, he is right. republicans are so embarrassed

of this guy. i have been telling all of my republican friends the same thing this year i know you wanted someone other than mitt but you are stuck with it. >> it has taken some of the challenge out of my life. can i just roll over and the jokes write themselves. you know you are in trouble when the jokes that immediately come to mind can be said by a regular news anchor. >> yeah. >> high quality punch lines because the setups are so golden that you can't fail. >> the canadian who has to put money on the table, i am so rooting for romney. if he picked bachmann as a v.p. i would vote for his super pac. >> now you know why --

>> both sean hannity and bill o'reilly were given four-year deals. do you really think roger ails wants to run the defend mitt romney network for four years? >> right. >> it's such good fun. john fugelsang it is sexy liberal prom weekend. roleland in the air on the way here. he will be at my pool drinking later. you are invited. >> i am shooting all afternoon, but i might have to come by and see you and roland drunk together. >> john is going from network to network -- >> i have a jet pack. >> yes. sexy liberal john fugelsang will be with us tomorrow night. call or go to the pantages box

office. >> the first time i ever came to l.a. was to cover an event at this theater. so i'm so thrilled. everyone has played here. bob dylan and the lion king has played at this theater. >> yeah, i remember in chicago i stepped on the stage and thought, wow i'm way over my head. and now i'm way way, way over my head. >> there won't be any showbiz types in the audience. >> not at all.john love you. >> bye-bye. [ applause ] >> back with remaining moments with hal sparks. >> who will be in lexington, kentucky next week. >> announcer: dammit jim, you made me snarf on my keyboard again. it's the "stephanie miller show."

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it's go time! >>every weeknight cenk uygur calls out the mainstream media. >>overwhelming majority of the county says: "tax the rich don't go to war." [ ♪ music ♪ ]

♪ the boys are waiting ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ my milk shake brings all the boys to the yard, and their -- is better than yours, damn right -- is better than yours ♪ >> uh-huh. what is the surly associate producer rebecca taylor so dressed up? she is celebrating quitting me. stop dancing! [ laughter ] >> associate producer rebecca taylor says we must have a final ross perreault. >> can i fish? can i fish?

can finish! >> and she did -- >> safe harbor has some family business to attend to, but please let me salute you with a sappy song before you go. because i will always love you. >> that's not it. >> that's not it -- >> you are fired. >> you are rehired. you are fired. >> i wanted the big intro. >> all right. rebecca we love you. ♪ and i, i will always love you ♪ >> oh god she put her rack in my face! >> oh. [ applause ] >> i didn't even get that -- >> i haven't been a jerk to her for years. [ laughter ] >> i beg your pardon. >> that's my fault i was also nice. >> that was like hooters. all right. >> yeah. >> bye. i'm going to miss you!

>> we love you rebecca. ♪ and i, i, will always love you ♪ >> now anthem. >> now sue from rockfield. >> hey i would be in that audience tomorrow night if i could find damn cheap tickets from d.c. to l.a. >> oh. >> we have our own mook group here that meets regularly. are you kidding? >> i know. >> now listen i just need a minute with hal. >> okay. >> i have a complaint and compliment. >> sure. >> the nine year old and the five year old, love you and love lab rats so much, they can't wait for the new season to begin. >> nor can i. i think we start shooting

august 22nd. >> great. the complaint is their dad has started watching with them and now he has gone from being straight to start questioning. [ laughter ] >> angel parker who plays my wife is beautiful. so that should keep anybody balanced if that's the way -- it won't switch anybody's leanings -- i do have a tractor beam, let's be honest -- >> all right. >> that would just make you interested in me. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> i have a nephewture husband, boston mayor. with the late nest the chick a-fill. chick-fil-a plans to -- boston mayor sent a scathing later that they will relain intolerant of

chick-fil-a. he wrote here in boston to borrow your own words we are guilty as charged we are full of pride and work to expand work to all people we are glad that our state and city have lead the nation on freedom rights. thank you, mayor. ♪ let's hear it for the boys ♪ >> and the chicago mayor is making a similar block. >> yes. >> in the meantime jim innerhoff -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> oh, boy. >> he once held up a chart of his family tree to show he had nothing icky. >> and yet? >> he sent a letter to the defense secretary asking why service members were allowed to march in uniform in the gay pride parade.

really? hey. there's nothing partisan about being gay. >> yes, ask the log cabin republicans -- >> i was there for that parade, and the pride that everyone felt and the applause that they got when they marched down the street for the first time in uniform, it was amazing. >> he said he was concerned though obama administration was forcing his agenda on the military by promoting the homosexual agenda -- blah blah blah. >> chris and i want to go jingle that family tree a little bit and see what falls out. >> and by the way -- >> see if anything in fire island falls off of the tree. >> you are not a politician, you are a medley sociopath. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> we don't know what is going on with the jackson?

>> this is a mess. >> katherine jackson is back in california -- >> right. >> after her arizona stay. she said i am devastated while i have been away my grandchildren have been taken away from me and randy and janet and whoever -- prince michael jackson has gotten in on the game now. prince michael jackson calling out janet jackson, and there was a slap fight between janet and paris. >> yes! >> i did not know this. >> uh-huh. >> earlier this week. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> janet slapped her niece paris and called her a selfish little expletive. paris retorted her back, and shouting it was not her house to take control of. >> oh. you go girl. >> yikes she is a little spit fire. >> yeah. >> this is just a reality show. >> are you trying to lead me to believe that the jackson family

of the michael jackson -- >> of the unity tour -- >> is -- is not a completely stable environment overall? >> that's what i'm saying, yes. >> thanks for the news flash. >> hal sparks will be back home in kentucky next weekend. lexington, kentucky at comedy off broadway. thursday friday saturday night. chances of witnessing my mother yell out expletives is very high. >> and dirtier. >> and dirtier. >> sexy liberal a few tickets left. and jim and chris and jacki schechner will be on stage tomorrow night. >> if i'm still awake. >> perhaps nude. >> we love you rebecca. thank you honey!