ports fewer coast guard patrols and fewer guards at the border. she said, flat out, under the sequester, there is no way we can keep this country as safe and secure as it is today. so here's the picture. on tuesday with the sequester ready to kick in on friday, by refusing to compromise to avoid the sequester republicans are not only willing to destroy our economy and put 800,000 people on furlough, they're also willing to put our national security at risk. that's the price americans should not have to pay.

[♪ theme music ♪]

>> stephanie: hello, current tv land, good morning. good morning jacki schechner. >> good morning, love what is going on? >> stephanie: well knowing more fun than a sequestration. apparently it is both disastrous and it is the president's fault and it's no big deal, but it is a disaster. >> hashtag -- >> stephanie: right. hashtag lame ass right-wing moron. >> yes. good morning everybody, let's talk sequester. president obama is travelling to

new port news virginia today where he will talk about sequestration. many suppliers rely solely on the shipping company for its business the president will explain how the job cuts will impact our safety. the navy has already said that the cuts will have an impact on deployment of a secondary craft carrier to the persian gulf. military officials have expressed concern. here at home the white house is rolling out cabinet members to speak with the press about how the budget cuts are going to effect each of their individual domains. yesterday it was homeland security secretary to sound the

alarm. >> it would affect the readiness of the men and women on our front lines, and undermine the progress we have made over the past ten years. >> she explained how the budget cuts mean fewer custom officers on duty which means delays and more missed flights, and fewer personnel working to keep our borders secure and our sea ports operating efficiently. last week ray lahood said we're likely to see considerably longer lines at airports, we would have to layoff air traffic controllers and there would be fewer of them working at one time. we're back with more show after the break. stay with us. ♪

billy zane stars in barabbas. coming in march to reelz. to find reelz in your area, go to reelz.com

[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to, six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. stephaniemiller.com the website check it out, you can email us all there, executive producer chris lavoie voice deity jim ward, and me stephanie miller. i'm a movie star now. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> how did that go? >> stephanie: i shot my film. >> nobody can play you like you.

>> stephanie: no. i had to improvise, i was shouting ridiculous questions out at the red carpet. >> were there real celebrities? >> stephanie: they are going to green screen them in. >> so there are special effects involved? >> stephanie: yes. they couldn't have me actually interviewing celebrities. ever since the restraining order. >> that might have been in the '90s -- >> stephanie: that was a long time ago. >> so the statute of limitations has passed? >> stephanie: i think so. this hollywood they let you back a little bit at a time. now i can be on green screen with him. >> that's a start. >> stephanie: yes. speaking of seeing people live. guess where you can see momma.

>> stephanie miller sexy liberal comedy tour is making a visit to the chicago theater on april 13th. tickets are available at ticketmaster.com, come see the tour that sparked the number 1 comedy album. seat home chicago is about to get more love from momma. >> stephanie: yeah. burt is a steph head of sorts. he writes too had jim ward won't be making the trip because i'm making a tribute band and calling it band of vipers. [ applause ] >> stephanie: all right. so lots to get to we have representative john yarmuth of the great state of kentucky coming up and of course charlie

pierce. representative yarmuth has been saying that ashley judd may run, and maybe kick a little turtle ass. >> yeah. >> tick a little harder to get through my shell. >> stephanie: that's true, she will have to kick harder. i wore melissa fitzgerald's dress for my film because as you know i'm not a real girl. so i had to borrow the dress that i wore for the inauguration. and she and jacki had to tell me how to get my gel nails down. >> so you didn't have to wear your normal barbara streisand in

prince of tides pant suit yes. >> stephanie: although she is a little more endowed than i am. [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: so as we're shooting my film -- because they only shoot you obviously from the front, they had to -- >> clothe pin you? no! oh, god! >> stephanie: the director goes do we have gafford tape. which means you can't hold your dress up. and also you know why, because i don't have one of those things -- strapless bras. i was like i only have the kind with the straps -- >> didn't they tell you to bring an assortment of clothes? >> stephanie: the assortment i have is the one dress mel will let me wear.

>> so there's no wardrobe budget in this movie. >> stephanie: i think they brought some pooffy prom gown. >> oh, okay. >> stephanie: all right. so we -- this sequester seriously is giving me a head ache in my eye. it's worse than the time i rubbed poison ivey in my eye. ♪ poison ivey ♪ >> stephanie: that's something from a psa we get -- there is also helpful information in those thing, like don't rub poison ivey in your eye. >> stephanie: we obsessed all morning yesterday over the taylor swift song with the screaming goats. and it was all over tv last night.

>> apparently there's a living on a prayer, goat's version. [ laughter ] ♪ and that's a lot for love we'll give at it shot ♪ [ goats screaming ] ♪ we're halfway there ♪ >> stephanie: that is actually funny if you have had the kind of love life i have had. >> it sounds just like john bon jovi. that's what every love song sounds like to me starts out great and then [ screaming ] >> stephanie: the president again. >> obama: these cuts do not have to happen. congress can turn them off any time with just a little bit of compromise. >> stephanie: by the way the republican governors are

becoming like though screaming goats. [ screaming ] >> yeah. >> stephanie: okay. quit screwing around. because this is going to effect everybody. >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: charlie pierce as usual, i have to say, wrote another brilliant piece. he was saying about why republicans are going to lose because, because he said there is local news coverage in every -- and that's where you are going to see every story about these cuts. and that's a lot of free advertising, i suppose about the actual -- >> that's right. that's why the argument in the national media is so loud about who's fault it is, because each side is trying to blame the other side. >> stephanie: it literally is like arguing when you are going over the cliff. it doesn't matter who decided to go down this road somebody hit the breaks. >> the democrats are winning that argument. >> thanks to boner and his big mouth. i got 98% of what i wanted.

i'm very happy. >> stephanie: what a fabulous idea this is. ask tom corbett and utah governor what they think and you get the exact same response what strategy. their message for speaker boner and others it's not time to sit on the sidelines. they need to stop having press conferences and start having meetings, said transvaginal bob. it's a reality check moment for the republican party with state leaders fearing they will be forced to overcome the disaster back home. until now republican governors have been content to mostly blame obama, and stayed quiet about the mess their colleagues have played.

but now they are changing that. >> rocky mountain mike in the chat room said that's goats adorbs. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: oh, really rocky mountain mike? that's because he is sick of the sequestration. ♪ i'm sick of the sequestration, it's giving me some frustration ♪ >> we put the theramin in there. we didn't have that yesterday. >> stephanie: what is that? >> that shticky thing. it's a musical instrument. >> stephanie: different than therabreath. >> exactly. >> stephanie: chuck in delaware

you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: good morning. >> stephanie: good morning i have a sign in my house that says i don't cook clean, or put icky things in my mouth. >> caller: oh, my. i just enjoy your show so much. today is my 65th birthday. >> stephanie: happy birthday. >> caller: and i want to see boehner get beat [ laughter ] >> stephanie: look at you. >> i just got an email from someone talking about this movie i'm, called escape from planet earth, and i do the beatles voice. >> stephanie: jim is a little bit competitive about my virgining film career. >> hopefully i'll have some nice

residuals. >> stephanie: oh, boy, somebody is buying flirtinis. how would we do our business without our go to my pc. i don't know. >> i don't either. >> stephanie: trying to find time to get caught up at the office can be impossible. that's why we use go to my pc by citrix. now you can do fancy stuff from anywhere. >> last night i was in my bed, had my ipad had my go to my pc app, had to download something from my desktop, and i did it from my bed. >> stephanie: you are a lazy

bastard. >> it was the rocky mountain mike jingle. >> stephanie: right. this is how excited people get about go to my pc. it turns you into a total tech geek like that. >> a lazy tech geek. >> stephanie: there you go. try go to my pc free today click on the try it free button and enter the promo code stephanie. eighteen minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: taking back god, making back america, and all before breakfast. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

can become major victories. i'm phil mickelson, pro golfer. when i was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis my rheumatologist prescribed enbrel for my pain and stiffness, and to help stop joint damage. [ male announcer ] enbrel may lower your ability to fight infections. serious, sometimes fatal events including infections tuberculosis lymphoma, other cancers, nervous system and blood disorders, and allergic reactions have occurred. before starting enbrel your doctor should test you for tuberculosis and discuss whether you've been to a region where certain fungal infections are common. you should not start enbrel if you have an infection like the flu. tell your doctor if you're prone to infections, have cuts or sores have had hepatitis b have been treated for heart failure, or if you have symptoms such as persistent fever bruising, bleeding or paleness.

since enbrel helped relieve my joint pain, it's the little things that mean the most. ask your rheumatologist if enbrel is right for you. [ doctor ] enbrel, the number one biologic medicine prescribed by rheumatologists.

this show is about being up to date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. ♪

>> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ you're just a dirty bad girl ♪ >> stephanie: i know when you say which of us didn't turn our phone off, you are implying which of us are old and doddering? so it was me. twenty three minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. what did somebody say on the twitter machine? >> they are looking forward to your razzy acceptance speech. >> stephanie: thank you. in this business the price of success is very high especially for a woman, i don't suppose i'm

the only one who [ censor bleep ] her way to the top. >> stephanie: look it's a love letter from the detector. i hadn't slept and i was -- >> drunk. >> stephanie: right. i reviewed all of your footage, you were perfect you were funny, and the light was quite perfect. we were in a -- what is the thing that looks like it should be a river but it is not. oh, a wash. >> you were in a culvert in culvert city. >> stephanie: was in a culvert. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: very exotic film location. i'll living the dream here in hollywood. the light was quite perfect and beautiful. and with the camera you looked like you could get carded, and you were funny. i think you will be very proud of it. my director. [ applause ] >> stephanie: i did -- when she

first asked me to do it i said you don't just want me for my car, right? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: and she said no we really want you. and i said okay. back to the dead monkey funeral. >> you were so close to the oil wells of baldwin hills. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i have some more letters from my fans to read. be in the culvert momentarily. it was the butt of los angeles -- >> yeah you brought your script for the remake of salamey. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: and we had to keep pausing for people on scooters. and it's like what is this? scooters! i'm shooting here! silence. >> like old people scooters.

>> stephanie: yeah. >> like hover-rounds. >> stephanie: i don't know scooters that make noise. >> for young people or old people. >> stephanie: why can't they clear the area while i shoot my scene. we'll fix that later. that's nothing. >> fix that disastrous decision later. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: why can't life be more like hollywood. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> stephanie: why can't there be green screens and vaseline on a lens. [ inaudible ] you are on the "stephanie miller show." welcome. >> caller: thank you. hi, how are you guys doing? >> stephanie: good, go ahead. >> caller: i just wanted to talk about austerity. i really don't think it is something we should be doing as a country. i think we should be trying to make sure that every political

party is -- has their own view and should be taking that into consideration, even though i'm not a republican but i feel like we should be making sure that their views are still heard, because at the end of the day, we have to deal with them, you know. and if we don't deal with them then we are just as bad as they are. >> stephanie: well, yeah although -- that's the thing we always talk about on this show is -- both sides are not equal in this. they just aren't. >> caller: absolutely. >> stephanie: by the way who i'm loving more and more and more michael thomasky in "the daily beast." do you read him? >> yes. >> stephanie: he writes really great stuff, and again it's not like this is a new theme, this is not my dad's republican party, but it just -- literally

is a great piece about how far right they have gone, and how ungovernable they have made things. you know, anyway he writes diluted republican reformers. the conventional view of what is wrong with the gop because there are all of these stories now. the story focuses on policy positions, immigration, same-sex marriage climate change, god knows policy positions are a problem, but they are not the -- they are a problem not the problem. the problem is the party fan gnat call. we have never seen anything like this in the modern history of our country. it is destroying the republican party. that's fine with me. although i'm constantly mystified as to why it's all right for the people i'm talking

about. it is destroying our democratic processes, which is not fine with me. and then he makes a great -- he makes a great analogy about a family at the thanksgiving table, and you know -- how you are ignoring the obvious. >> because of gerrymandering republicans don't have to win elections anymore. so they don't care. >> stephanie: yeah. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. that and representative john yarmuth next on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ going to do the young turks. i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of

his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪

>> all actors are crazy, and the more talented they are the crazier they are i mean look at -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: "washington post" headline, top kentucky dem predicts ashley judd for the senate. i think in her mind she made the decision to run, and she is doing the right thing. polling has shown her competitive with mitch mcconnell. >> stephanie: if we had access to top democrats like that, oh look it's representative tom yarmuth. good morning, top kentucky dem. >> that's a small group right

now. >> stephanie: party of one. >> you take what you can get. >> stephanie: that's exacting though. >> there was an independent poll done, maybe six weeks ago that showed her within the margin of error against mcconnell. he did his own poll a couple of weeks ago, and this was bizarre, and he basically surveyed his base. [ laughter ] >> the sample was 60-something percent conservative. and even with that, he got the 49% against ashley. >> stephanie: right. >> even surveying his base he couldn't get the 50%. so there is a lot of energy to retire him. >> stephanie: karl rove is askeered already.

they are already running ads against her. >> oh, yeah. it's a riot. mitch is panicked. she has not told me she has made a decision to run, but i'm sure she would. >> stephanie: let's talked sequestration, because it's just -- i -- i don't know what more to say about all of this. you have even got republican governors now screaming, saying you have got to do something about this, like the show is over, right? >> yes, i'm a little bit off message with my party on this. i say just fix it. >> yeah. yeah. >> just stop it. we can do it in five minutes with one sentence and if everything thinks it is such a bad idea let's just stop it. we have won the argument that we have always tried to make that significant cuts in federal spending damage the economy.

we won that argument so let's forget about that. we just won. so let's accept the victory. >> you may be off message with the rest of your party, but you are on message with the rest of america. >> stephanie: what does that mean in terms of what he should do now or how you do it? >> it's very very difficult working with the other party, and probably the most logical thing would be to delay the sequester -- practically speaking, to delay the sequester to march 27th when we have to come up with a mechanism for funding. so let's just wrap all of this issue into that debate -- because right now we're having the same debate we had in 2011, and right before the end of the year and we're going to have for the next three and a half weeks anyway and

we'll have after that. it's exactly the same debate and i think the american people are rightfully confused and i'm confused as to why we're doing this well. >> stephanie: the president called for a two month delay in the sequester. and somebody writes kicking the can isn't pretty but there's little hope for a grand bargain this week. >> there's no hope. >> stephanie: right. >> i have to call speaker boehner out on this, the idea that he is trying to wash his hands of the whole thing is ridiculous. first of all he is the leader of the house of representatives, and for him to say the president and harry reid ought to get together and come up with a solution. to me he is insulting himself. >> stephanie: yeah. >> but the other thing is that the republican conference and the house of representatives enacted the sequester.

>> stephanie: right. >> 170-something members it would not have passed without him -- >> stephanie: but congressman he is said it's the president's sequester hashtag. >> i know, and i didn't know the president has a vote in the congress. >> stephanie: yeah. there are a lot of people talk about all of the ways the sequester will impact people's lives, and charlie pierce was on, and he wrote a great piece about this is all local news has time to cover. so democrats have already won the pr, you know battle here so how do you see this playing out by friday? >> well, i still think we're going to get some kind of delay in the sequester. i think ultimately -- the rational thing will ultimately happen at the very last minute after every other absurd solution is abandoned.

>> stephanie: literally the argument makes no sense, right. the cuts are no big deal and a disaster, and they are going to happen anyway and it's the president's fault. >> yeah. >> stephanie: they can't even stick to a cohere ent argument. >> exactly. and unfortunately we're helping them out. because we're sending a mixed message as well. >> stephanie: i don't know why i intrinsically don't trust anything karl rove says but he wants the president to own any of the police call consequences. >> yeah and that's such a cynical and crazy idea and it's not going to happen. it's just another posturing thing for the republicans to try

to seem reasonable. >> the best thing that could happen is for boehner to keep talking. >> stephanie: yeah. >> if we lose jobs so be it. >> yeah. and we weren't in session last week when we could have actually been working on this and i know the speaker has criticized president obama for playing golf in florida a week ago but speaker boehner was playing golf at the same time. they were on the opposite sides of florida but it's a pretty narrow state, they could have gotten together. >> somebody in congress said there should be no golf or vacations until this thing is settled. >> i agree we should not be -- we should not recess at all until this thing is settled. >> stephanie: right. >> no, we have been in session now -- this congress has been in session for seven weeks.

we have actually had ten days of official full business days in seven weeks. >> wow. >> stephanie: yeah. >> that's speaker boehner again. they set the schedule. >> stephanie: the talking points memo, says [ inaudible ] massive pr advantage over the gop, the democrats have an unusually steady message, republicans are lurching from message to message while contending the consequences won't be so dire and argue that obama's revenue demand is an act of duplicity. >> right. >> stephanie: they don't have a coherent message, right? >> right. and for speaker boehner to get up yesterday saying the president shouldn't be

campaigning with the military today. this is a guy who supported a president who flew into an aircraft carrier in a jumpsuit to declare war for ten more years. >> stephanie: yeah. this is the same thing they say every time when the president speaks about issues that he ran and won on that's him playing politics, campaigning, whatever. is that your sense from the inside that that is what is going to happen? that there will be this delay. >> we are in a game of chicken, and it may be polyan-ish thinking on my part but there clearly is no confidence at all that i can see that there is any alternative to that. i mean we're not going to come

to an agreement in the next 48 hours, which is basically the what we have -- >> stephanie: because you waited until the night before to write your term paper again, didn't you? >> exactly. >> stephanie: representative always great to check in with you on this, but it must be exhausting to be you. it really is a manufactured washington crisis again. here we are, right? >> it's the dumbest one i have seen yet in my six-plus years. >> stephanie: and that's saying something. >> the bar is getting higher and higher. >> stephanie: let us know when ashley judd calls you. >> all right. >> stephanie: thank you representative. [ applause ] >> i love him every time he is on. >> stephanie: i love his poly-ana-ishness. i was quoting from mike thomasky from "the daily beast."

the title is -- performers. >> reformers. >> stephanie: right. he talking about how they are all missing the point. he makes this great thanksgiving analogy. guys debating how to cook brussel spouts and uncle ralph is drunk again, and he is being an ass again, and it has been this way for four thanksgivings in a row, and you are choosing to say something about it. just interesting stuff but one of the examples he uses is what we have been talk about, the hagel thing. he said we have had four republican senator, in essence

demand that a cabinet nominee disprove rumors against him. like me i'm sure many of you were agast -- [ inaudible ] are there any conservative writers thinking this kind of thing makes them sick and ashamed. yeah, this person just lost their child. and he said it is not going to pass! >> yeah, wow. >> stephanie: anyway, we all know the problem. it's rush limbaugh and roger ailes. fox viewers are always the least connected to reality. anyway but just more great stuff

from michael to massky in "the daily beast." >> announcer: there's something funny going on in talk radio. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ to me now? you know the kind of guys that do reverse mortgage commercials? those types are coming on to me all the time now. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. you would rather deal with ahmadinejad than me. >>absolutely. >> and so would mitt romney. (vo) she's joy behar. >>and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking?

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for true stories. with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. real, gripping, current. documentaries...

on current tv. ♪ ♪ all i want to do is -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ i got a feeling i'm not the only one, all i want to do is -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ until the sun comes up over santa monica boulevard. >> stephanie: uh-huh. i must gave the girls a little

beef cake. that was tbone in the studio. >> hey, what am i? >> stephanie: well, you can't see your ass. i can't need anything. i just wanted to give the gals a little peak. >> all right. >> stephanie: 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. let's go to kathleen in chicago. you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, kath. >> caller: hi, give me a second. you know what is wrong with this country, we the boss, the american people who hired these senators and congressmen, we don't make them do their job. boehner walks around and tells -- boehner and the republicans tell the american people what they want. the president goes out and engage the american people and we're the boss. >> stephanie: that's right. >> caller: and my thing is if you don't do your job, the boss is supposed to get rid of you. they are supposed to be working

for us. so why are we -- [ ♪ patriotic music ♪ ] >> caller: why is the boss in this instance being hurt and the employees is making out like pack rats. the american people need to come out and protest and say if you all don't get your jobs done then you are out of there. >> you're fired! >> stephanie: go kathleen! >> unfortunately with citizens united the corporations are really the boss. >> stephanie: that's right. but that was a good rant. would you like to know eight ways the republicans are ruining your lives. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> only eight. >> stephanie: these are just for today. >> the top eight. >> stephanie: this is what this actually means with the

sequestration. i don't think dear abby can say that. number one stock up on meat now, it might not be available for long. the agriculture secretary said furloughing food inspectors would have a profound and devastating effect on meat poultry inspections. so there will be more air bourn innesses -- >> airborne or food born. >> stephanie: any one a small business should fear the sequester. loan guaranteed will be cut by up to $902 million. number 3 looking forward to

visiting jelly stone this summer. the cuts would impact national parks across the country. and the faa stands to furlough every one of its employees for a two-week period. people like air traffic controllers. not that that's -- >> don't need those. >> stephanie: leading to reduced and delayed takeoff. >> we're getting closer to that libertarian paradise. >> stephanie: yeah we'll all be deputy amateur air traffic controllers, i think that flight is too close! hey! >> there would be a reason for screening baby airlines. >> right. >> go ahead, fly upside down. it works in the movies. >> stephanie: yeah. more than 2700 schools would

lose funding through the title one program, and over 7,000 special ed teachers and aids would be cut, coastal cities lovely, fema will be forced to cut an unspecified number of state and local grants that fund first responders. get an hiv test while it's still ugly -- or ugly? easy. i meant to say easy. no easy. cuts to the aids drug assistance program would result in 442,000 fewer tests. inspectors for osha could be furloughed or laid off. workplaces will be unexpected for extended periods of time. [ applause ] >> thank you republicans. thank you boner-quester.

>> stephanie: thank you, eric cantor. hello jaberry. aim saying that correctly? in california. >> caller: you said that perfectly. good morning. i want to preface this with saying i'm for more gun control. i had a job where we had people come in with assault rifles and lift a bunch of goods being shipped to china. and i think the gop is willing to let us hit the skwooes ration for all of the reasons you just listed to hurt the american people. they know they have the gun crazy people who would never vote for the democrats who are after their guns. i think it's a gamble they are willing to take. they took a gamble with romney, and it didn't pay off, and they tried to mess up obama's first term, and it didn't pay off, and

now they have an opportunity to mess up his recovery so say he is an unvalid president. all of these crazy republicans will come out voting for their guns. >> stephanie: yeah. absolutely. yeah. it was really -- it was a startling moment john mccain talking to a parent -- it's just -- that's who they become. there's nothing human. it's just about oh no that's not going to happen. fifty-eight minutes after the hour. back with charlie pierce and more on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪]

>> stephanie: hello. hour number 2, current tv land. jacki schechner? >> yes. >> stephanie: i don't know if you heard rude pundit on yesterday, but he was giving governor rick scott of florida a lot of props. but you were just saying you don't buy it. it seems like a lot of these republican governors are looking at their approval rating and moving to the center. >> yes, he saw the poll numbers and decided to do something immediately because he is up for reelection. but i don't buy it. it just doesn't gel with his long-standing philosophy about health care, which for him, he

thinks should be for profit. >> stephanie: yeah, his in particular in the state of florida, if people are paying at attention to history. jacki schechner in the current news >> good morning, everybody. the administration seems to be working hard to prove it can walk and chew gum at the same time. the vice president is meeting with retired military officials at the white house to talk gun safety, and the first lady continues to celebrate the anniversary of her let's move program. five media companies are collecting nutritious meal ideas and a thousand of them are now up on this pinterest page. they all apply with the guidelines. casino billionaire sheldon

adelson is suing a journalist for liable. o'keefe referred toed a elson in the article as a, quote scrappy, foul mouthed billionaire as a way to contrast with he plaintiff. adelson is seeking damages. and the senate is scheduled to vote again today on the confirmation of former senator chuck hagel for secretary of defense. harry reid needs 60 votes to get the vote to the floor of the senate, after which he is expected to be confirmed after what has been a long serve -- seven weeks. michael shure: this show is

about being up to date so a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. joy behar: you can say anything here. jerry springer: i spent a couple of hours with a hooker joy behar: your mistake was writing a check jerry springer: she never cashed it (vo) the day's events. four very unique points of view. tonight starting at 6 eastern.

the bar harbor bake is really worth trying. [ male announcer ] get more during red lobster's lobsterfest. with the year's largest selection of mouth-watering lobster entrees. like our delicious lobster lover's dream, featuring two kinds of succulent lobster tails. or our savory, new grilled maine lobster and lobster tacos. it's back, but not for long. [ woman ] our guests go crazy for lobsterfest. my favorite entree is the lobster lover's dream. what's yours? come celebrate lobsterfest and sea food differently.

[♪ theme music ♪]

>> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. six minutes after the hour. charlie pierce of esquire.com at the bottom of the hour. great stuff as usually that he has written this week. >> he is a great writer. >> stephanie: right? >> i know. >> stephanie: we have any smartest funniest people in the world on our show. [ applause ] >> and then there's us. >> stephanie: and also we have more screaming goat parities.

because for whatever reason our current fixation the screaming goats on the internet. ♪ for purple mountains majesty, above the fruited planes ♪ [ goat screaming ] ♪ america america, god shed his grace on thee ♪ >> that came from kenny pick. stop it that was hard. >> ann romney: stop it. this is hard. you want to try it get in the ring. this is hard. >> stephanie: that was the help in her house. [ mock screaming ] >> stephanie: joe in chicago by the by -- kenny pick guess where he is going to be? >> chicago. >> stephanie: steph can't wait to meet you, look for the 6'4" gay man clutching his pearls.

he is going to be with all of the other kids. >> you bet ya we are. ♪ getting fired up for midwest sexy liberals ♪ ♪ getting fired up and ready to go ♪ ♪ waiting patiently for my meet and grope ♪ ♪ with john fugelsang, hal sparks, and stephanie ♪ >> ermahgerd! ♪ there's john and pam ♪ >> oh i love john and pam. ♪ i look to my left i look to my right -- >> is that road flair mary? oh, my gosh it's rocky mountain mike. >> there's mary in ann arbor there's kenny pick. ♪ oh, that steph she's a cutie, and she has a nice booty ♪

>> check it out for yourself sexy liberals. saturday april 13th in chicago! >> going to be a good time don't ya know. >> yay! >> stephanie: thank you kids. [ applause ] >> stephanie: so hurry hurry, sexy liberal on facebook and twitter, or go to the chicago theater box office if you are in chicagoy. speaking of groping, here is our people who grope themselves in public stack. man caught holding his penis in public said it's because his pants shrunk. nicely done. a man caught masturbating behind a convenience store -- >> as you do. >> stephanie: told an officer his penis was only out because

his pants has shrunk. as officials found him scrubbing his nub -- >> what? >> stephanie: that's a new one. i thought it was funny. when he spotted the officer, the 25-year-old whipped out his phone and claimed he was just trying to call his girlfriend. also quick thinking. he said his pants had shrunk, and he later admitted to masturbating outside of the store, saying he did it because he was depressed. my pants shrunk i was calling my girlfriend i have a sad. i was scrubbing my nub. >> that's why i only have a nub. >> stephanie: because i scrub it

too much. am a sad panda. i have to touch my bamboo. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: if you recallrecall -- [♪ romantic music ♪] >> stephanie: the reporter felt the need to describe ones that were worse than that. in november a seattle man was caught in an alley, and when cops told him to stop he refused saying he was almost finished. >> don't bother me. i'm almost there. >> stephanie: the evening radio show and a lot of guys would call and go can you just keep talking for another minute -- i'm like really? >> can you send me a picture? >> you can never be in charge of your own box?

>> no, i should not be in charge of my own box. it needs to be controlled by somebody. last month -- these are all stories that make me feel like less of a loser -- the guy who showed up on the roof of a couple's house completely naked, he punched the homeowner, before pooping on the floor and then drank the contents of a vacuum cleaner. >> a wet vac. >> stephanie: how about the girl having sex with a pitbull, and the cops came in and she said hi. i'm thinking there was a little meth mouth involved there too.

>> stephanie: i like that guy -- hold on i'm almost finished. >> don't talk about baseball or margaret thatcher or margaret thatcher playing baseball. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: that was perfectly good wood. >> you wasted perfectly good wood. >> margaret thatcher naked on a trampoline. [ laughter ] >> oh, god. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] spread eagle. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: dammit! really! lana in wisconsin you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, lana. >> caller: hello. >> stephanie: she is like the sock puppet in the oscar skit. >> caller: hey, momma. i like your t-shirt, and i would

like it even more if jim threw some water on it. >> stephanie: oh well! good morning lana! what is happening today? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i think there is some nub scrubbing going on. go ahead lana. >> caller: you guys are all dirty. there is an update in the associated press style book regarding same-sex marriages. it will now say regardless of sexual orientation husband and wife is receivable in all references to individuals, and any legally recognized marriage. >> stephanie: i saw that yes. associated press. >> caller: yeah, pretty cool. so now i'm just waiting to add the proper use of ermahgerd to it. >> stephanie: exactly. >> ermahgerd, where's my

husband. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: exactly. our best who has the best ermahgerd name. i feel like we have been on a downward spiral for quite sometime. >> ermahgerd, a dernward spiral. >> stephanie: it's probably because i have a big head because i have a new film career. in melissa fitzgerald's dress. she wasn't in it -- i wish she was -- sorry. i know you are straight. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: no, you, saying jeff was talking about that dress has quite of history, either she or i have a photograph in it. >> jeff was wondering if the it

has been dry cleaned? >> stephanie: yes. well, not yesterday -- >> but it has been doing so much, has it had time to be dry cleaned? >> stephanie: yes. she invites me to all of this stuff. the other day she called and said do you want to go to a dinner party about genocide with me. and i'm like, wow, party, yes, i do. ♪ >> is that the kind of thing you have a party about? >> stephanie: it's just people working against things like that. people involved in working on various serious issues. >> i can't believe you just said the words pro genocide dinner. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: no, it's not people working for genocide. >> i guess when [ inaudible ]

was still around, every dinner was pro genocide. >> stephanie: wow, he didn't go to hitter he went to heedy ahmean. we did not see that coming jim. speaking of hot, smart, funny actresses, kerry washington who played the wife -- [ applause ] >> stephanie: i bet she has been to some pro genocide dinners. >> she looked gorgeous at the oscars. >> stephanie: yes. kids, most -- [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: right. right. >> in the dumpster -- next to the guy who's -- [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i'm sending a segment about guys scrubbing their nub. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: because we think it's classic. it's evergreen. okay. you know kids we're all busy, we

don't have time to think about backing up stuff in our computer, like that stuff. that's why you need carbonite online backup. for instance, chris, you think my taste in music is terrible but i love it. i love my ting tings. >> i love them too. it's your election of tone loc that i have a problem with. >> stephanie: right. backs up everything automatically and continually whenever you are connected to the internet. set carbonite up once, it does all of the work for you. unlimited back up for one computer $59 for the entire year. access to all files from any computer tablet or smartphone. go -- don't wait go now, carbonite.com, offer code

stephanie. and two free bonus months with your subscription. carbonite.com, the offer code is stephanie. >> announcer: call stephanie now. she's easy. 1-800-steph-1-2. ♪

this show is about being up to date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely

about political grandstanding. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie ♪ and the jets ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ and the jets ♪ >> stephanie: this hour brought

to you by go to my pc. the mobile apps are amazing. try go to my pc free for 30 days, click on the try it free button and enter the promo code stephanie. >> not go to my bc. >> the comic doesn't exist anymore. >> stephanie: leave me alone i'm worried about the sequestration -- ssssss -- >> obama: we can't just cut our way to prosperity. cutting alone is not an economic policy. we have got to make the tough smart choices to cut what we don't need and invest in things that we do need. >> stephanie: the republicans are like the president is just fear mongering but they are going to be a disaster, but if they are a disaster it is all

his fault. >> i don't think we can maintain the same level of security at all places around the country with sequester. >> stephanie: you know what that means? screaming goats everywhere. not just taylor dane -- what is her name? >> taylor swift. >> what are you going to come up with next, a jane childs reference? >> stephanie: who am i? mark in west virginia you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: good morning, steph. i'm just -- i'm 57 years old and i'm confused because i have been watching this politics for years, and these republicans keep coming back with this -- how they are going to save the world, and they are worried about the -- i didn't realize there were that many rich people in this world. >> stephanie: they are not. we're not kidding when we say -- they are less than 1% of

us. keep loop holes for people with private jets and yachts. and sequester misfire -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: eric cantor fires off a press release arguing -- an apparently wasteful list of fraud as prime candidates for the chopping block, which is true. there is waste, fraud, and abuse, so a lot of those things that make the tax pair -- the national science foundation spent $1.2 million paying seniors to play word of war fair to study impacts on our brains. that received a pants on fire

award. the program cost $5,000 and was funded entirely by my al-mauder. the question is why do you have to lie to make your point? so the one he picks is -- is a lie. okay. okay. >> wow. >> stephanie: all right. all i'm interested in funding is more screaming goat studies. ♪ now i'm lying on the cold hard ground ♪ [ screaming goats ] >> stephanie: if there is a god, someone will send me a taylor dane song with screaming goats. [ applause ] >> stephanie: george in ohio you are on the "stephanie miller show." hi, george. >> caller: yes good morning,

stephanie. my comments is when the historians, the people who write the history of the united states, they would say that president obama will be one of the best presidents in the united states because of the congress blocking the people's president's -- going forward. >> stephanie: yeah, i agree with you. you know, and you'll go back and look at the polls and go how come there is pat that not reelected twice in a landslide, polling shows the people were behind him in every aspect, and he had this magical republican congress. ann welcome. >> caller: hi, stephanie. my husband and i watch your show every day religiously.

>> stephanie: oh, thank you. >> caller: i'm calling because my question was -- okay. if -- [ inaudible ] allowed to carry a gun, and only the good guys with the gun are going to handle the bad guys with a gun? >> stephanie: right. >> caller: i'm nervous, i'm sorry. >> stephanie: that's all right. >> caller: the government has metal detectors, so we can't go into the house of representatives with our oozies and they have concealed weapons to protect themselves. >> stephanie: right. exactly. you did great. don't worry. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back with charlie pierce on the "stephanie miller show." young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets

that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪

>> announcer: stephanie miller. >> she's a pretty strange absentee female. >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. thirty-four minutes after the hour. your listeners are comprised of a group of people that if it can be believed are even less mature than we are. do we need screaming howard dean, yes, we do? >> we're going to washington, d.c. to take back the white house! [ goat screaming ] >> stephanie: awesome. [♪ "jeopardy" theme music ♪] >> stephanie: jim, who said the pundit if he would like to see

kwets ration [ inaudible ]. >> william howard taft. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: no. [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: there is only one man in america that understands -- >> and that's charlie pierce. ♪ why is everybody always laughing with me ♪ >> stephanie: good morning, charlie pierce. >> hi, i sprained my ankle, kristin [ inaudible ] was trying to interview me and i bent over and tripped and fell down. didn't you think adele was going to like eat her. >> she towered over her. >> there wasn't even a microphone there. like [ inaudible ] was watching

in virginia said that's what i'm talking about there! that microphone thingy see. >> stephanie: charlie pierce as usual you say the most brilliant things on every subject, particularly the sequestration. you say -- your piece is entitled tonight on i-senor news -- oh are you okay charlie pierce? >> did we lose him? >> stephanie: he tripped again. >> stephanie: kristin genoa twip tripped him. what snapped they are calling him back. the republicans aren't in terms of this pr battle -- there is local news everywhere and these are affects state and local projects everywhere, which is why the governors are screaming

like goats is my point. but he write there is some not unexpected bleeding coming from john boehner's office. charlie pierce are you all right? >> oh, kristin genoa hit me in the knee with a microphone that looked like a transvaginal probe. >> stephanie: yes. anyway you were talking about how the local news is going to cover all of this. you say this is where republicans can probably lose this gamble in a big way. because it's the local tv news and what is left of local newspapers. cuts don't really matter except they are both cataclysmic and the president's fault. >> yeah i mean -- you are going to wind up seeing weeping

toddlers at the gates of closed national parks, and empty airport terminals, and head start classrooms that are closed, and dozens of ordinary citizen life stories, and that's what is going to create the critical mass. a lot of these people like to pretend that what they are standing up against is a [ inaudible ] jack boot of government. a jack boot is filled with cash. it's not an empty jack boot. it's filled with money, and they are all lining up for it. and that's why i thought what the president did yesterday, which was to release his estimation of what the sequestration will mean to each state was a pretty good move. >> stephanie: that's right. even the republican governors are going come on.

show is over. >> some of them. but when you say rick scott saying yeah, we're going to take the medicaid money, we're going to do that, my approval rating is heading down towards that enjoyed by mange. >> stephanie: bob woodward blamed the president for the sequester horror you said he neglected to point out that the whole contraption was a device to try to keep the government running, despite the best efforts of republicans to shut the whole thing down and open a tattoo parlor. that's the think. republicans will take the blame for this. >> i think you are right. it is going to get -- it is going to get spun in the national media as a [ inaudible ] on both of their houses, but i think out in the field i really do believe that

the president has managed to sell this as -- you know look we aragreed to this really stupid plan among a number of stupid plans we have agreed to because we have one party that isn't interested in governing the country very much. >> stephanie: you talk about jindal began -- none of these cuts matter a damn but the president is to blame for the catastrophe that will caused by these cuts that don't mean a damn. >> yeah, some republicans are saying they would rather do this in some targeted way, but it is going to be no big deal but it will be a big deal if they can blame it on the president >> stephanie: yeah we just had congressman yarmuth on and he

thinks they will kick the can down the road another two months. >> oh, good another fight. >> stephanie: yeah. you and i both -- we tend to suddenly pay at attention -- [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> stephanie: and perk up our skoobby do ears when [ inaudible ] does anything that approaches journalism. >> yeah we don't like to see our governor punching down the way he had to but he did a very good job. >> stephanie: we discovered that massachusetts has no oil, but louisiana has people working 15 jobs because of freedom. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: and then jindal tried to explain why the stat itselfics aren't that bad. >> yeah, they are moving up to

like 31st in job creation. and then he said in massachusetts we have schools and moneys and we're go raise taxes a little bit so our bridges don't fall down. >> stephanie: you say this week our lady of the dolphins that's -- that's how you refer to peggy noonan she was on because [ inaudible ] was off creating a company or something, but you say she was more than happy to expand on the president she has fashioned out of the expired chardonnay bong water of her imagination. >> yeah, barack obama who is probably the most chaos adverse president i have ever seen, is this master of disaster who can create chaos out of his social

agenda. he has done this deliberately and doing it so he can capitalize on it. >> stephanie: i don't know if this will be more style than substance, i love the way she talks when she in her zone. like she is so impressed with her own words. >> you know she has entered the rapture when the index finger goes thoughtfully up to the cheekbone. >> stephanie: right. >> that's when she is now floating among the angels and singing dolphins. >> stephanie: yes, she is in her own symphony of words. >> she is like every catholic girl i dated in high school that, you know, kept the aspirin where it belonged. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: you say kelly iot would follow lindsey graham up a

river in new guinea. how did they enlist her in everything? >> she wants a national profile. she wants to get reelected in new hampshire, so she found two people looking for a mentoree and were considered not to be crazy, and that turned out to be lindsey graham and john mccain, and they have lead her down the benghazi issue -- >> stephanie: it's like -- >> some local crafts from the natives. >> stephanie: it's like they had meeting, let's beat the crap out of hillary clinton. but we'll look like sexist pigs so let's find a girl.

[ overlapping speakers ] >> sound queue you are welcome. >> that's a terrible joke. good-bye. >> stephanie: all right. right back on the "stephanie miller show." [ applause ] >> announcer: finally talk radio you can dance to. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ to me now? you know the kind of guys that do reverse mortgage commercials? those types are coming on to me all the time now. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. you would rather deal with ahmadinejad than me. >>absolutely. >> and so would mitt romney. (vo) she's joy behar. >>and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking?

current tv is the place for true stories. with award winning documentaries

that take you inside the headlines. real, gripping, current. documentaries... on current tv. ♪ ♪ i want to hear -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. [ screaming goat ] >> stephanie: i don't have a screaming goat -- >> do screaming goats have to

prove their [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: we put a screaming goat in every song taylor swift, taylor dane. >> james taylor. >> stephanie: we're talking sequestration. janet napolitano. >> the sequester makes it awfully, awfully tough. >> stephanie: full on scary. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> stephanie: air traffic controllers, food safety inspectors -- whatever. [ inaudible ] wrote a -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: i'm sorry, i understand he's on one side of the partisan divide but it's really true. it's the wolfe blitzer we'll have to leave it there, rule. >> we'll have to leave it there. >> stephanie: why don't the

president lead, why won't the president get out of the way. >> why doesn't he get out of the way by leading. >> stephanie: paul writes [ inaudible ] won't support anymore spending cuts. that's half right. house democrats have proposed some spending tax cuts -- because anyone really want to send taxpayer money to the oil people? not to be out done senate democrats have proposed $110 billion in spending cuts and tax increases, again reducing spend -- trimming the defense budget and farm subsidies. the democrats have come to the table with spending cuts. will the republicans join them and support some tax increases -- no. [ applause ] >> stephanie: he situation isn't itly sums it up. >> he's good. >> stephanie: exactly.

okay. representative jerry connelly. >> there are going to be real consequences for anybody who travels in america, for anyone who comes into a port in america, and for the people who screen us to make sure we're safe. >> stephanie: yeah. okay. and see then something will happen, and republicans will say look what the president did. he failed to keep you safe. >> yes. >> stephanie: the boner. >> the president says we have to have another tax increase in order to avoid the sequester. mr. president you got your tax increase. it's time to cut spending here in washington instead of using our military men and woman as campaign props, if the president was seriously he would hit down with mary reid. >> he's not serious -- he's campaigning for a third term -- oh he can't do that. oooooooooh. more bourbon!

>> stephanie: jan in massachusetts. >> caller: hi, how are you? i hope i don't sound too bad. i'm lying down. i'm mostly bedridden with a bad back. rand paul three times in the last three days has spoken about of course the sequester, saying it is a stipend and the last one was the cuts weren't deep enough. months ago -- are you still there? >> stephanie: yep. >> caller: months ago i caught part of the rachel maddow show, and she had brand new school textbooks going to the so-called privatized schools. i don't know what state it was. i don't recall that, but in the books, they were teaching the children that there were no such thing as poor people or poverty. >> stephanie: wow. >> caller: yeah. >> stephanie: they have

eradicated that problem, because republicans care so much about the pour. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: this is more important news -- has kenny pick sent us -- well because taylor swift not really of my generation. i'm more of a taylor dane girl. i'm just saying -- ♪ i need to know ♪ [ screaming goat ] >> stephanie: thank you kenny pick. [ applause ] >> stephanie: that was some song writing. >> really? >> stephanie: prove your love. you have got to prove your love. >> we have a little announce tonight make. >> stephanie: what is it? >> if you have the stephanie

miller app download the update now, because our number 1 requests you can now have, you can play the "stephanie miller show" in the background while you are doing other things on your phone. ♪ hallelujah ♪ >> stephanie: why do you need to do other things on your phone just listen to me! >> that means you can go to the steph store and buy steph crap. >> stephanie: oh, great. >> it is now available. just download the update. >> stephanie: that is spectacular. okay. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: so we have been talking sequestration. while congress has enjoyed a lovely midwinter vacation the american people have been treated to a slow-motion car crash complete with finger pointing. that's the analogy we made, it's like going over a cliff and saying you picked this

road -- it's your fault. just somebody hit the brake on turn the wheel or something. >> whatever! >> just get [ inaudible ] in there. >> stephanie: president obama -- representative yarmuth has called for a two-month delay in sequester cuts. we'll see. kicking the can down the road isn't pretty but there is little hope for a grand bar dan this week. karl rove he is trying to give obama more discretion to make the cuts -- so he'll get all of the blame. >> yeah. >> stephanie: senate democrats find $110 billion in savings over next year -- i just went down the paul [ inaudible ] thing. it is not both sides. they have offered spending cuts the democrats and -- what do you call it? the president? >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: republicans argue they have already passed an

alternative to the sequestration. but it's proposed exempting defense from cuts entirely and thus gutting domestic spending. knowing this is a complete non-starter. >> we have a plan -- >> we have a plan. bourbon. >> stephanie: the boner. >> hope springing eternal and the president can sit down with harry reid tonight to move a bill. it's time for them to act. i have made this clear for months now. >> stephanie: what do you mean them? i'll be at the tavern! >> god he kicks the can to the other side of capitol hill. holy crap. >> stephanie: and little buddy eric cantor. >> the president really ought to stop campaigning and come back to the table and work with us. we -- we care about what happens to this economy and the people

who sent us here. >> stephanie: can he sound any more swarmmy and insincere. baby, i really care about you. i care. >> i bet you have heard that before. [ laughter ] ♪ you are a lying sack of crap ♪ >> you did that a little too well. >> stephanie: message, i care! >> whatever! >> stephanie: okay. firty-eight minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪]

>> stephanie: hello current television, hour number 3. jacki schechner i don't know if you heard my sad little story, the other person in your trouple, melissa fitzgerald lent me the gown again for my shoot yesterday, but i was taking people behind the scenes in hollywood, and because i'm not as well -- >> i think chris called it smaller cuppage. >> stephanie: yeah, there were a bunch of guys behind me with various clips and things -- >> stephanie miller welcome to my world. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> stephanie: through a series of tricks and lighting try to

key at it some sort of semblance of cleavage. >> it has been 30-something years of that for me. welcome. >> stephanie: here she is jacki schechner. >> good morning, everybody. former u.s. surgeon general, c edward coop has passed away. he served until '89 and as a former smoker he became a strong anti-smoking advocate launching a campaign in 1984 to try to get the country smoke free. he was not one to shy away from a conversation about safe sex. since it has been about 600 years since a pope has resigned the vatican having to answer some questions about what comes next. the vatican saying today that pope benedict the 16th will

become an amaretus pope and will still wear his white robe. some cardinals are concerned about the confusion which may emerge having both a new pope and a retired pope living within the vatican walls and sharing a secretary. but the spokesman says these decisions are all being very well thought out. the pope will hold his final public audience tomorrow. some comical words by nancy pelosi today, addressing house speakers john boehner's assertion. she says that the republicans aren't just kicking the can down the road it's more like they are nudging the potato across the table with their noses. we're back with more show after the break. stay with us. ♪ gets that i actually mean it. michael shure: this show is

about being up to date so a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. joy behar: you can say anything here. jerry springer: i spent a couple of hours with a hooker joy behar: your mistake was writing a check jerry springer: she never cashed it (vo) the day's events. four very unique points of view. tonight starting at 6 eastern. when many soles pass through the most trodden areas of your home your vacuum doesn't always pick up what's left behind. only the resolve easy clean system

has foam power to stop dirt in its tracks. it penetrates deep within your carpet removing 3 times more dirt than vacuuming alone. leaving the busiest areas of your carpets, truly fresh and clean. the resolve easy clean system. don't just vacuum clean. resolve clean. the bar harbor bake is really worth trying. [ male announcer ] get more during red lobster's lobsterfest. with the year's largest selection of mouth-watering lobster entrees. like our delicious lobster lover's dream, featuring two kinds of succulent lobster tails. or our savory, new grilled maine lobster and lobster tacos. it's back, but not for long. [ woman ] our guests go crazy for lobsterfest. my favorite entree is the lobster lover's dream. what's yours? come celebrate lobsterfest and sea food differently.

[♪ theme music ♪]

>> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine, woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: yeah! it is the -- sorry. i have been listening to entirely too many goats screaming. >> that is the weirdest meme. oh, my god. >> stephanie: what the internet is made for, weirdness. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. stephaniemiller.com the website, check it out. is big news. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: dozens of prominent republicans have signed a legal brief arguing that gay people have a constitutional right to marry, a position that amounts to a direct challenge to the boner,

and reflects a civil war in the party. >> yeah, and there are prominent people that signed it. >> stephanie: right. right. so anyway -- but we're having matt breen on from the advocate to talk about that. >> yes at the bottom of the hour. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: i was reading a piece about bobby jindal. he said sunday republicans can win elections while continuing to discriminate against gay people because they are an arspire rational party. but no gays are allowed to play in our reindeer games. jon huntsman said republicans must support gay rights. he said we have the opportunity to start to do more. the conservatives should start

to lead again. i have been married for 29 years, there is nothing conservative about denying other americans the ability to forge that same relationship with the person they love. he asked jindal if he agreed? he said i believe in the traditional definition of marriage. one man, one woman, and an exorcist. he said we lost an election where the majority of american people said the government is doing too much. we heard your message. we got it. we don't want it. he said we're an aspirational party, meaning they are not a good party yet, but theyry spire

to be. we aspire to not be stupid but we are not there yet. and we need policies that are consistent with that aspirational -- >> blah. blah. blah. >> stephanie: he just needs you to take your organ out. >> okay. [ organ music ] >> path robertson said not every sweater at goodwill [ inaudible ] bless purchases from goodwill before bringing them home because her mother said demons can attach themselves to material items. he said the answer is yes. i don't think every sweater you get from goodwill has demons in it, but it isn't going to do anything to rebuke -- if all of

the clothes i have gotten out of the closet has demons it's a gay thing. >> yeah. an entity -- >> stephanie: i have a demon in my pants right now. >> do you really buy clothes there? >> stephanie: yes, and i have given clothes there too. >> i have given clothes there all the time. >> stephanie: i have picked up a smock or two. >> i believes that anyone who shops at goodwill deserves what they get. goodwill is nothing but a commie front for people trying to deny money from companies who employee children in sweatshops. people who purchase hand me downs from the so-called goodwill are promoting a commie

loving homoloving society. and soon will be screaming like goats in a bowl of bu la base. [ applause ] >> stephanie: bobby jindal. >> the president needs to stop trying to scare the american people. you can cut 3% without all of these awful consequences. >> no. >> stephanie: and he went on. >> as you heard many governors say we still think there's time for this administration to come up with a sensible alternative, but for that to happen -- the ball is in the president's court. >> stephanie: uh-huh. >> come on. >> stephanie: here once again is my impression of bobby jindal's college girlfriend. bobby, i have a demon in me.

can you please exercise it. she is the one who said he exercised the demon -- >> against her will. >> stephanie: maybe you want a demon in you. it seems like big government intervention when you are not asking for it. >> that's a libertarian paradise if you are not asking for it. >> stephanie: right. maybe barbara hershey wanted it. >> the way she was dressed in that movie? >> she was asking for it. >> stephanie: the show went off of the rails early, and i haven't gotten it back -- >> it was your self flagellation stack that did it. >> stephanie: when you start the day with a nub-scrubbing story there is no coming back.

sean hannity. >> four days are all the remain. did president obama spend his weekend trying to figure out how to avoid the sequester. no, of course not. they decided its time would best be highlight how the sequester would hurt the state. but they are the reason this country is in this mess to begin with. >> what? >> stephanie: nice try. >> history doesn't happen apparently. >> stephanie: right. >> fox news viewers are the dumbest -- >> stephanie: can't they just change their slogan to herp derp. norm coleman. >> the bottom line is the president doesn't want to cut spending. $16 trillion in debt, and he

does want to cut spending. >> no, we need to spend more to get out of the hole that george busch dug. >> stephanie: right. let's review what paul ragala wrote. democrats have agreed to many cuts republicans have agreed to no revenue at all. >> yes. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] on the five. >> what do you call tens of thousands of kids losing their head start services? a head start. because they don't work. the head start studies show it doesn't help -- this is the most pointless debate since taste great less filling. we are arguing over pennies, and it's like complaining that your dog has flees while he has rabies. i have a chart, however. this is what the house with believes will happen from sequestration, domestic cats will grow two heads. it's true.

the new head that is grown will hunger for human flesh. yes. fear of two-head cats will force humans underground. lastly, there will be a new jim carey movie. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: jim, i always think it's bad to have to say, i am going to do a joke now. >> i'm going to do a joke -- >> stephanie: here is a joke that is coming now. >> fox news viewers need the heads up. >> stephanie: that last part jim is what is apparently known has satire with props -- >> i see. >> stephanie: with a something -- also a visual element to it. >> hum. >> stephanie: where you exaggerate the absurdity -- >> two headed cats. [ crickets chirping ] >> stephanie: this is the end of the hue morous section now.

>> but all of fox listeners said what? i can't hear! >> stephanie: that all sounded like a screaming goat to me. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: okay. rush limbaugh oh michelle obama at the oscars. >> yeah. >> a lot of people saying michelle obama hijacked the academy awards last night. the shock surprise being introduced at the end of the show by jack nickelson to announce the best movie. she looked like anybody would have -- don't misunderstand -- one bite can swallow that whole room, and the optics of course are what matters, and i thought of 1984 -- the macintosh ad from the super bowl in 1984 where exact type of scenario except

michelle obama was actually the dear heard of this obviously totalitarian state. >> stephanie: right. just like when laura bush did it -- >> it was the title of a book by georgeorwell. >> and michelle obama didn't pound single fist. >> stephanie: all right. bill o'reilly, also on michelle obama. >> this smacks does it not of hollywood left boosterism. i want to save my case for the far-left nuts that are monitoring this segment. no nancy reagan. no barbara bush, no laura bush. but oh, there's michelle obama. hey, how are you? and it's pure propaganda play to

make them glamorous. >> stephanie: yeah except laura bush was, so that was wrong. >> how much is he paying those fact checkers. >> maybe he sexually harassed all of them away. >> stephanie: and we end with mike huckabee. >> it's the equivalent of saying i would like to buy some insurance for my car. well tell me about the car. well, i totaled it yesterday, or saying i would like to buy some fire insurance for my house, and they said how many bedrooms? well, before it burned down last week, it had four. if you go to the insurance company and say i would like to buy insurance, well tell me about yourself, well i have terminal cancer you can't buy insurance for $100 a month and expect the insurance company to say in business.

it's about the realities of making an insurance policy work. >> stephanie: or as alan gayson would say, your plan is hurry up and die. you are too expensive. [ applause ] >> stephanie: okay. >> and he claims to be a pastor. >> stephanie: all right. nineteen minutes after the hour. maybe he was possessed by a demonic goodwill sweater. >> made of squirrels. >> stephanie: right? right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> announcer: making more people spit coffee on themselves than any other show in america. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ rich, chewy caramel rolled up in smooth milk chocolate. don't forget about that payroll meeting. rolo.get your smooth on. also in minis.

people with sore throats have something new to say. ahh ! mmm ! ahh ! finally, there's cepacol sensations. serious sore throat medicine seriously great taste. plus the medicine lasts long after the lozenge is gone. ahh ! mmm ! cepacol sensations.

this show is about being up to date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding. ♪

>> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ please pray for me ♪ ♪ i was the black sheep of the family ♪ ♪ too much wine and too much song, i wonder how i got along ♪ ♪ we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone ♪ ♪ we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone ♪ [ screaming goat goat ] >> stephanie: oh boy. i wish i had therabreath back then.

therabreath lozenges are fabulous. it helps stop uncomfortable dry mouth fast. all right. more importantly, who is listener dan has now sent us some more taylor dane with screaming goats. ♪ i feel the night explode ♪ ♪ when we're together ♪ ♪ emotion overload ♪ [ screaming goat ] [ inaudible ] [ laughter ] ♪ i really need to know ♪ [ screaming goat ]

>> all right. thank you dan. [ applause ] >> stephanie: much appreciated. seriously, deeply appreciated. >> if someone sends you that you got to play it. >> stephanie: totally. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: times you go is that from the onion? no. gun activist warn obama is raising an black army to massacre white americans. gun owners of america president appeared -- we played clips from this. >> yes, we did. >> stephanie: he predicted president obama -- we need some music -- [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: host stan salomon feared it would lead to the imprisonment of thousands of people. prat once again said president

obama is acting like king [ inaudible ] the third. i believe they will put together a racial force, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and anyone one resisting the force are doing it because you are a racist. >> it's healther schedule ter. >> stephanie: right. he has been sowing the seeds of racial hatred. now we have a lot of racial discord. [ applause ] >> stephanie: see what you did. you bringing your blackness in the oval office -- >> helter skelter. >> stephanie: we were a totally post racist society, and then you came. screaming goats. >> whatever!

>> taylor dane. >> stephanie: people rubbing their nub outside of a consequence store. or scrubbing their nub. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: interesting stuff, a new analysis of 56 mass shootings across america finds women and family members are the most frequent victims, and 57% the shooter killed a spouse or other family member and at least [ inaudible ] has a domestic violence charge. we found with the domestic violence situations there are 38% fewer women and children killed with background checks. and major bloomberg is putting his money where his mouth is.

he getting involved in a lot of races trying to counter the money from the nra. >> yep. >> stephanie: i saw another clip of wayne lapierre speaking somewhere yesterday. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> stephanie: that guy is a poster child for too crazy to have a gun. and here are my thoughts. okay. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. matt breen from the advocate here to talk about -- this is big news. twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ going to do the young turks. i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets

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♪

>> announcer: stephanie miller. >> all of my friends are gay, all of my friends are gay! >> stephanie: thirty-four minutes after the hour 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. that's why i have jim who is extra crispy bucket of straight just to even things out. >> sure. >> stephanie: all right. he is my breeder. he hasn't bred but he is still -- >> right. >> stephanie: he is my -- >> don't go there. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: this is really big news -- >> nearly did once but that's okay. >> stephanie: hello. dozens of prominent republicans signed a legal brief arguing that gay people have a right to marry, a direct challenge to speaker boner, who otherwise is having such a good time of

things. >> i'm pretty happy. >> stephanie: and reflects the civil war on the party. math -- matthew breen of "the advocate" joins us now. good morning, matt. this is good stuff? >> this is great stuff. 75 folks so far from the republican party have signed this letter saying to the supreme court, we have an interest in this case and we think that gays should have the right to marry, and that is consistent with conservative values. >> stephanie: that's the interesting thing. legal analysts say the brief has the potential to conservative

justices as much because of the prominent names, but it was 75 as of monday night who are not normally associated with gay rights advocacy or are speaking out for the first time like meg whitman. >> yeah a lot of these officials who are in retirement or not actively speaking office right now, suddenly feel the need to talk about the fact that they are maybe pro equality now that they are not active republican officials. so that underscores one of these major problems nowadays. >> stephanie: yeah, and it includes, representatives, steven hadly, carlos gutierrez,

jamescomy, david stockman jon huntsman. >> yeah. >> stephanie: we were just quoting from his piece. >> yes. >> stephanie: and the ground on this is obviously changing it's changing more rapidly than people think. i think republicans in the future are going to be more careful about focusing on these problems that divide the party. what do you think? >> i think it is going to continue to be a problem. there are many on the other side of this potential split in social issues. so you are going to see this generational divide. this fracturing is just not going to -- it doesn't bode well for people who are on the wrong side of history on this -- >> stephanie: it is an

interesting point that you made that christie todd, and whitman on here but we were just quoting the current senator from louisiana, bobby jindal, when he was just asked this sunday can you continue to discriminate against lbgt people and basically his answer is yes. >> yeah. >> stephanie: we're an aspirational party. he didn't answer the question basically. >> right. the economics he is running on is the economics of getting donations for his next campaign run. >> stephanie: right. >> there is still tons of money on the anti-equality side, so folks looking at running for office they are looking at the coughers too, and right now it doesn't seem to be enough money on the pro equality gop side. >> stephanie: ken melon who has

come out as gay, he said we are trying to say to the court, this is consistent with our value and philosophy for you to overturn prop 8. i think it is going to have an impact, don't you? >> it really will. we have talked in the past about how the supreme court will take the national temperature even though it won't admit to doing so. >> stephanie: right. >> and if some of the more conservative justices [ inaudible ] consistently conservative and looking at [ inaudible ] saying -- a couple of cases recently including citizens united, i don't know how they brought in citizens united and said, you know, same-sex marriage and citizens united are equally conservative aligned somehow. i'll have to look into that but they are citing these cases and saying these are consistent conservative values, and the

freedom to be married, the freedom to have the government out of your relationship that way is consistent with conservative values. >> stephanie: yeah you know who echos you is steve schmidt who is john mccain's senior advisor. he say the die is cast on this issue. ed a dick cheney said years ago, freedom means freedom for everybody. about 70% of voters under 30 back same-sex marriage. there is a real being on the wrong side of history component to this isn't there? >> yeah, the tide is turning in the direction of equality and there is really no going back and if it means that it is just older conservatives who are dying off in order to make room for younger conservatives who are open to equality that's not going to change direction.

there is a trajectory on this and it's going for us. it's going in our favor. >> stephanie: absolutely. the only thing that bothers me sometimes about stories like this, is it's almost like, oh well, they have more credibility. what i love matthew is this is becoming not a partisan issue anymore. i think it's a human issue. it is a human rights issue. >> absolutely. but, you know, if we're talking about a general marketplace of ideas, conservative versus progressive, wouldn't it be nice to take human equality out of that question? and talk about other conservatives versus progressives, like talking -- you know, discussion points, take the idea of equality out of it. >> stephanie: yeah. >> it should not be a progressive or conservative issue.

[overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: jon huntsman was the one that put it into perspective in this article, and of course he wasn't pro -- when he just ran for president. he said it has become human now. people that vote against their friends and loved ones and family members, right? >> yeah, he was in favor of civil unions at that time or recently, which was a real break from the party, but not in favor of same-sex marriage. i wonder how many of these people are looking at the long game? like we talk about obama and the long game and his approach. but some of these younger politicians trying to play a long game they may be looking at younger republican voters in the future -- >> stephanie: i hate to state, matthew, but you make a really good point that you go the only reason they are coming to the

table on immigration reform is because they go wow, we got our asses kicked. >> they are politicians after all. >> stephanie: it's true. matthew great stuff as always. great to talk to you honey. thanks a lot. >> always great to talk to you. [ applause ] >> stephanie: i forgot to ask him who he wants for new pope? who cares. >> really? [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: there's intrigue in the vatican. vatican slams media about sex scandal -- >> oh, yeah, because it's the media doing everything wrong here -- >> how dare you report on the -- >> stephanie: rumor mongers. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> rape. >> stephanie: as cardinals from around the world begin arriving in rome for the conclave to elect a successful new shadows have fallen over the vatican.

in recent days some even aledging gay sex scandals in the vatican. [♪ dramatic music ♪] >> hey, what is the matter with you. >> stephanie: the dominant headlines -- >> like mahoney from here in los angeles. he is going. >> shhhhhhh. >> he has a vote in this new pope. that's wrong. >> stephanie: they call it deplorable that there is a widespread distribution of completely unverifiable news stories -- [overlapping speakers] >> stephanie: stories of ongoing child rape for years and years, and then payoffs, and then priests being moved to different churches and all of that -- >> you are going to get later

from the pope. >> stephanie: yes, i'm sure i will. good morning alan. >> caller: good morning. i called a gun shop this morning, asked if they had this special pistol, and he proceeded to take me makes models price ranges, and then i asked about a taser gun, and then he proceeded to tell me i need to take an anger management course and a legal course. >> stephanie: wow. >> caller: and why not arm his teachers are rubber bullets taser guns -- i would rather have my kid come home with poop in his pants from a taser than -- >> stephanie: yeah we had another gal mention that. she couldn't buy pepper spray without taking a course

and -- because right? who wants to be tased bro. you need training tasing. >> stephanie: i'm sorry a spice. no. no. no. no spice for you without training. >> paprika in the eye can hurt. >> stephanie: forty-six minutes after the hour -- but bush master, why here you go. rosemary thyme! this is a slippery slope. >> you will be on your way to scarborough fair in no time. >> stephanie: right. >> announcer: she is your human prozac. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ they thinking?

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>> listen to -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> at a location midway between the two speakers. this sequence is repeated several times. >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. fifty-one minutes after the hour, final segment, which means we have hit the bottom of the screaming goat barrel. here is jane childs are screaming goats. >> yes. ♪ [ inaudible ] fall in love ♪ [ goat screaming ] [ laughter ] ♪ make the night feel good ♪ [ screaming get to. ] >> you have heard that song.

>> stephanie: yeah. keith in milwaukee. >> caller: i'm laughing at the screaming goat thing, and i don't know why. >> stephanie: i know. >> caller: the republicans have been talk about for more than the last 30 years, which is government means nothing to you. and it does nothing right. it has hardly any function and i -- and generally they use that argument when democrats want to impose tax increases because they tell people hey, increase taxes, they are going to waste that money. if the sequester kicks in i think people are going to find out what government means to them. >> stephanie: yeah absolutely. dave in minnesota. >> caller: good morning. i have the point -- we talk

about tax loopholes, big businesses, and all of that thing, well, small businesses -- my family had a small business and i was on my way out to san francisco to see some new year's shows. and my dad said there is a conference in l.a. that following week. they can buy your plane ticket and hotel room. >> hum. >> caller: and i have a friend that he and his wife own a jewelry shop and every package that goes out of there, is run through their postage meter. they say that comes out of my pocket anyway. well, yeah but they are not paying taxes to do it. he also flies over to south

africa to buy diamonds, paid for my the company. if i buy a plane ticket it is going to cost me 50% more. i can't just take it as an experience. >> stephanie: yeah. get your point. why does anyone ask donald trump what he thinks ever. >> huge! >> stephanie: he is pretty much wrong about everything always. he is saying the tea party perhaps by another name will soon have another big moment. huge. and it will be a major factor in victory. [ wah wah ] >> sure. >> stephanie: also he wants you to know, "django unchained" the most racist movie he has ever seen. >> i don't think the actors would have said yes to the movie -- >> stephanie: i thought was terrible and a disgrace. he also criticized the oscars

said it was tacky. [ laughter ] >> wait a minute, every single one of his buildings is a giant whore house. >> it's got glass coming of it its ass. and daniel day lewis, not from this country. >> so? >> and your point is? >> why? >> stephanie: i don't know, maybe not qualified to play an american president. >> he is one of the best actors in the world. oh, my god. >> he is no gary busey. >> stephanie: the onion has apologized for a tasteless twitter remark about little q. i can't say her name -- >> quvenzhene. >> stephanie: what the hell were they thinking? they called her the c word. she is nine. >> and she is charming as well.

>> stephanie: anyway it was deleted within an hour -- >> that is something that shouldn't be tweeted. you can say it jokingly -- >> stephanie: not about a nine year old. >> well obviously -- don't put it out there in the whole world -- >> yeah. she is getting a big head or something like that. that may have been okay. >> stephanie: jack nickelson hit on jennifer lawrence. >> have you seen the video of that. it's awful. [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: he is 75, she is 22. >> what is your point? you ladies you like to have lunch. >> stephanie: she snuck up behind her and he's -- nick elson remarked she reminded him of an old girlfriend and she relied, really do i look like a new girlfriend? and he responded i thought about it. >> i thought about it.

you want to have lunch jennifer? >> stephanie: she buried her face in his hands and said is he still here. and then nickelson popped up behind her again. >> here's johnny! [ laughter ] >> stephanie: this time sporting his trademark sunglasses to say, i'll be waiting. [♪ mysterious music ♪] >> stephanie: and then she said oh my god, i need a rearview mirror. i love how she said to his face you are being really rude. >> we're going to need a lot of drinks. >> stephanie: right to kill the bug up her -- what was that about. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: russell crowe has defended seth m