just like john paul ii he is anti-gay anti-gay marriage andy contraception. and he was too close to [ inaudible ] but the truth is he may not make much difference. for one thing he is 76. he is not going to be around much longer, and coming from the john paul ii and benedict the 16th he won't make a lot of changes. the catholic church badly needs somebody today who will take them in a totally new direction, and i'm not sure they found him. two members of congress john yarmuth from kentucky and scott

peters from california joining us tomorrow. we'll see you then. >> announcer: this is the "bill press show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: okay. that's not working. hello. welcome current tv land. i can't hear jacki. >> okay. >> stephanie: all right then. good morning, everybody we have a new pope. who wants to throw out the first pope joke? okay. >> ummmmm. a priest and rabbi -- >> stephanie: you are lucky he even popes for you.

he is pope francis. >> and he has one lung. >> stephanie: don't cry argentina, the truth is he never left you. >> he is italian decent. >> as many in italy are. >> stephanie: in the meantime here is jacki schechner in the current news center. >> good morning, we do have a new pope today a lot sooner than expected. the cardinals picked pope francis after just five rounds of voting. he is 76 years old and the first pope from latin america. he is known to be simple and pastoral, but not expected to modernize any of the issues like aborg, gay marriage or allowing women to become priest. president obama congratulated

his holiness. scott proudy could fast become a household name as he is the bartender who recorded and pushed out romney's remarks at a fund raiser last may dismissing and mispair aging 47% of the people of america. he said he struggled for two weeks before deciding he was a coward if he didn't release it to the public. >> i went back to dad and said that's not going to work. i'm going to put it out and make sure as many as people as possible hear it. >> cpac starts today. they will hear speeches from marco rubio and others. the rock stars of the moment chris christie and governor mcdonald were not invited, but

we'll hear from sarah palin, mitt romney and donald trump. we're back after the break. stay with us. ♪ to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine, woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's a time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: yahoo. why? because we have a new pope for us. you are lucky he even popes for you, jim. rocky mountain mike said i'm not catholic but if the catholics

would have come out and seen their shadow would we have six more weeks of conclave? [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: i don't know. this just in breaking news mitch mcconnell announcing the republicans goal is to ensure that francis is a one-term pope. >> i want to make sure he's a one-term pope. >> stephanie: he was previously known as jorge mario bergoglio. he released this brief statement this morning. ♪ don't cry for me argentina ♪ >> he has a very high voice. >> stephanie: yes. >> especially with one lung. >> he had his lung removed when he was a child. >> stephanie: there is a pope fun fact. >> and some other organs too.

>> because his voice so high. >> stephanie: oh, i see. [ applause ] >> stephanie: he probably called home, what up buenos aires. check me out! >> is that a song? >> stephanie: yeah. ♪ what is new bane -- buenos aires, i'm a pope ♪ >> stephanie: here is karl frisch. ♪ karl ♪ >> stephanie: karl frisch bullfight strategies.com. ♪ so exciting to me ♪ ♪ frisch ♪ >> stephanie: hit it karl frisch -- oh the phone is still doing things. that's going to be bad. okay then. and i bet ya he had the first chorus all ready.

please stand by. [♪ "jeopardy" theme music ♪] >> stephanie: yeah, they formally announced him as the new head of the catholic church yesterday. now nobody is there. here are some fun facts about the new pope -- let's just go with francis. no wonder they changed it. seems unwavering on matters of sexual morality. stanchly opposing abortion same-sex marriage, and contraception contraception. enjoy, have fun everybody. he said gay adoption is discrimination against children. >> yeah, much better to be an alter boy. >> stephanie: right. right. i'm just going to try this. karl is that you? ♪ i had to let it happen ♪ >> i think the pope was reading

my mind because i was going to sing something from avita, and then my mic wasn't on. >> stephanie: yeah, what is the name of the song? >> i don't know the names of the song -- >> you know that song from the show. >> stephanie: you don't know show tunes. all right karl, whatever. you are fired from gayness. >> i know about the catholic church. i went to catholic school. >> stephanie: the pope only has one lung. did you know that? >> my understanding is that he woke up in a bathtub in ice and was missing a lung. [ laughter ] >> you know what else is interesting -- >> stephanie: what? >> it has got gay marriage. >> and this cardinal fought against that law.

>> yeah, and argentina has had it for a couple of years now and it hasn't floated off into the ocean. >> you know what else argentina has, penguins. gay penguins! [♪ dramatic music ♪] >> he fought against that new law tooth and nail. and he is very very against gay adoption. >> at least he is a dinner pope. he gets his meal at 5:00 instead of 3:00. >> he is 73. he is not a young pope. >> somebody asked me on twitter, everybody was saying that the next pope was going to be from african, and i said everybody knows that the first pope after

george, with comes w pope. >> stephanie: all right. steve doocy. >> we know this is simply a tactic. the participateresident is not serious about reaching across the aisle, but he saw his poll numbers imploding -- [♪ dramatic music ♪] >> serving a ploy my friends. do not trust the black man in the white house. >> stephanie: yeah, he literally can't do anything that fox news won't find something wrong with. >> so the president cured cancer. now there is going to be a lot bigger population on the earth. thanks a lot. >> stephanie: way to go. >> i often said if the president took his daughters ice skating at the national mall they would

accuse the president of trying to walk on water like jesus. >> stephanie: there you go. sean hannity. >> it was one week ago, mark, the app pock lip tick doom and gloom. now a charm offensive, why don't i believe that. >> it has been long rumored that the line producers at fox news it's really more like mad libs. insert cataclysmic reincarnation of what the president did, and insert word that ends in ist. >> stephanie: mark levin. >> the pope is a pope that cares

about the poor. and obama is a president who creates more poor. >> ah. >> you can ask the bishops and others what they say about paul ryan. >> stephanie: exactly. i think -- if i'm not mistaken i think that was a joke. >> oh, really? >> stephanie: i think that is what passes as a joke. >> it's sarcastic and ultra left wing. >> stephanie: right. >> wouldn't you think he would have some change in the intone nation of his voice? >> stephanie: no let's hear it again. >> you know, they actually have something in common. that is the pope is a pope who -- who cares about the poor and obama's a president who creates more poor, so they have something in common in that reform. [♪ circus music ♪] >> badly written joke. badly delivered. >> stephanie: he does of does the leno thing at the end. >> yeah.

[ laughter ] >> true story. true story. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: okay. rush limbaugh. >> this is not about free health care for people. this is not making sure the poor, disadvantaged or middle class people can't afford to have health care. it's about the government running it. once the government has control over your health care they control the rest of your life. health care has always been one of the first objectives of any of the famous total tearian are seems. >> stephanie: there is it. hold your calls, we have the first hitler reference of the morning. >> the -- hitler the prime minister of every country.

is it me or can you find of hear the hitler train coming down the tracks. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: jesse lee peterson -- >> he is a far-right preacher who is a frequent guest on the hannity program. and this is a sermon. >> it is over for america, women are taking over they are taking over in their high powerful positions, they are running companies, making decisions, and the one thing i know for sure without a doubt, women cannot handle power. it's not in them to handle power in the right-wing. they don't know what to do with it. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: i think you can pretty much put that to rest i'm a power-mad bee-och. >> man somebody needs to get laid. >> judging from his voice i

think that ship has sailed. >> ladies and gentlemen, the modern republican party. [ applause ] >> stephanie: there you go. he sounds like he had one lung can i just say. he was a little darth vadery. i think he was thinking of a female dominatrix. >> yes, mistress may i have another. [ whip snaps ] >> they can't handle power -- [ whip snaps ] >> i forgot my safe word. >> stephanie: there is no safe word. [ laughter ] >> i have a feeling that his safe word has something to do with obamacare. >> stephanie: jim has tried to warn us the safe word is misrati! pat [ inaudible ].

>> what this court case said was young people have the right to engage in sex outside of marriage. society never gave young people that right. >> that never happens! >> functioning societies don't do that. they punish it. they corral people. they shame them. >> they stone them to death. >> the institution for the expression of sexuality is marriage. >> wow. wow. >> and the clergy according to some priests. >> yeah. >> yeah, remember yesterday when you made the talkers 100, and you were number 12? >> stephanie: thank you for bringing that up don't tell number 17 laura ingraham but what is your point? >> this is how they get to the top 100. shows like this. where you are like, really, they have a show? i'm surprised that they don't have a heavy 1,000. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: all right. thank you, karl.

love ya. i won't see you next week but hal will. >> yes i'll talk to you soon. >> stephanie: we'll be on vaca next week. >> thank god. i need it. >> stephanie: the pope stress is making us all snap. eighteen minutes after the hour. kids go to my pc. you are stuck waiting somewhere most of us use our smoert-phones -- >> your what? >> smoert phones. >> that's a smoert phone over there. really smoert. >> stephanie: my phone is smart, and i use it while i'm waiting to pass the time. go to my pc by citric allows me to get work done while i'm waiting. you can actually do all of those fancy things like edit files.

>> write proposals that sort of thing. >> stephanie: right. turning any phone or kendall fire into your computer. it is the missing link. you any program even though that you don't have set up on your mobile device. that's some kind of voodoo. >> it is voodoo. >> stephanie: plus very easy to use, which is important for me because i know nothing. >> and you have a smoert phone. >> right. >> stephanie: let me tell you what i did -- after the break. >> you did something with your smoert phone. >> stephanie: yes. go to mypc.com. enter the promo code testifyny and download the free app to your device. 20 minutes after the hour, right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> this is too weird man.

>> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

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i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ i like what you're doing to me ♪ >> stephanie: uh-huh. >> i love disco, i hear it is caming a come back. >> stephanie: you are not allowed to make that joke every again. kelly carlin live in studio in

hour number 3. and jim has to leave early you know why? because no one caring about his dad. [ applause ] >> stephanie: no, but kelly carlin has an amazing show. >> my dad was a fan of george carlin -- >> stephanie: see it is magical. and we have some terrific bass on the show today. >> yes, representative karen bass -- >> can we have a moratorium on that joke. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: no you didn't. i'm going to inflict the disco version of don't cry argentina on you for that. >> our good friend glenn sent us this. ♪ >> stephanie: everyone. do the disco dance. >> wow! >> stephanie: wouldn't that be

awesome if all of the cardinals had like a dance routine behind him. >> oh, this is awful. >> stephanie: i love it. [ applause ] >> stephanie: love it. they are all dancing in those little red slippers. ♪ >> stephanie: all right. pope -- ladies and gentlemen, pope francis. >> and the people on this journey for the roman catholic church is it a journey of friendship, of love of trust and faith. let us pray always for one another. let us pray for the whole world because let us have a big brotherhood. >> stephanie: all right. and scene. [ applause ] >> what is the matter with you?

>> stephanie: got-a-no respect. why can't jim and i get a job as a translator. wouldn't that be more entertaining. >> of course. >> stephanie: and also that's-a-spicy-a ball-a. when the moon-a-hits-a-your eye. who would like some pope fun facts? what? >> snap out of it! >> stephanie: right. that's what he is going to say. we have got to -- >> snap out of it! >> wow. i don't think that is going to happen. >> stephanie: a bunch of pope chers singing don't cry for me argentina? is there a pope crowning what

happened? >> he is already pope. >> stephanie: he is poped? why is there no ceremony? why all the costumes if there is not going to be some big musical or something? don't they present the pope -- >> they did it last night. >> stephanie: that's it. >> that's it. he is already poping. >> stephanie: no pope chairs, no roller skates nothing? they don't fly him in like sandy duncan. >> he appears out of the floor like in zanadu. >> right and then do rhythmic gymnastics. >> stephanie: right. there should be a royal thing -- >> core nation. >> stephanie: like a new queen. a wheelie -- >> nitro funny cars sunday!

sunday! sunday! >> stephanie: right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> do you think that there is any chance we'll see this president even say the words "carbon tax"? >> with an open mind... >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned "great leadership" so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter). >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i must say ever since you started having regular intercourse your mind has lost it's a keen edge. you should reflect on that. [ laughter ] >> wait? >> stephanie: what? >> that's the same time you got a smort phone too. >> right? where is my smort phone at? >> what? >> it's not so smort if it can't tell me where it is. >> stephanie: did you want me to tell you the dumb thing i did with my smartphone yesterday? >> yeah.

>> stephanie: you were trying to teach me to send text to my email, and you have to mark everything separately, and then someone called and i hit decline, and they all went away. >> you demanded answers right then and there, so there might be a way to check if they are still there -- >> stephanie: i barked at you. all right. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. >> charlie called -- >> stephanie: charlie pierce called and said if we play that disco don't cry for argentina in honor of the pope again he will stab his eyes out. ♪ >> stephanie: don't taunt me like that charlie, i will do

it. you know i will. what is it -- >> nausea? >> stephanie: no there is a pope-athon. >> an invocation on tuesday. and president obama is going. >> stephanie: it's not a pope-athon. >> no. >> stephanie: what it is? >> an invocation. >> stephanie: a little something for the people. ♪ >> it needs to be exactly like the final scene of zanadu. >> stephanie: exactly. >> zana-don't. >> stephanie: i would like that other song i like -- what is new buenos aires -- maybe done on ice skates. all right who would line --

>> [ inaudible ]. >> he likes the argentinas. >> stephanie: who would like some pope fun facts? [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> stephanie: he is 76. aragain tinnia cardinal jorge mario bergoglio -- he is just francis now. >> yes frank. >> stephanie: hey, yo frank! why don't they name a pope something like pope ed. >> pope fred. >> pope jake. >> pope dick. no, that's probably not kosher. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: what? no. he is now named francis. were any other names considered or only francis? >> i believe he is named after francis of asesee.

>> stephanie: oh. he is the first jesuit and non-european pope since the first century. >> stephanie: frank -- sure. >> stephanie: -- has affirmed church teaching on homosexually and contraception. in 2010 he stated same-sex adoption is a form of discrimination against children and same-sex marriage is a scheme to destroy god's plan in a real and dire an throw poe logical throw back [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> stephanie: huh? >> they twist themselves into pretzels -- >> stephanie: maybe it's the one lung. >> not enough oxygen to the brain. >> stephanie: right. he strongly opposed legislation in 2001 by the aragain tinnia government to allow marriage

equality. he has dedicated his life to helping the poor -- but not the gays. >> oh, god no. >> stephanie: he continues to say -- >> snap out of it! >> stephanie: the contempt of rights of individuals and peoples [ inaudible ] drugs corruption trafficking people and long with children morality and poverty are big problems. he is thinking of the children but not the alter boys. in 2001 he discouraged people to spend the money to fly to rome to celebrate with him when he became a cardinal. he lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food and traveled by bus instead of chauffeured limousine. >> and he would ride his bike.

>> stephanie: he can't ride his bike with his hat now. >> one of the first things he did after he became pope -- >> stephanie: how long would it take him to get on the bus -- come on, i got to get to work? bong. i'm telling you cannot get on there with that hat. >> one of the first things he did after he became pope? he went back to his hotel and paid his bill. >> stephanie: oh. >> that is probably the last bill he have to pay. >> stephanie: knocking on the door of the vatican -- [ knocking ] >> stephanie: i know you are here. >> you would think that the vatican would have an extra room that these cardinals could stay in. >> yes, but you don't get hotel

porn. >> stephanie: no, because you have the old pope hanging around. he is probably hanging around in his underwear watching hbo. >> the vatican has awesome porn channels. >> it's a almost like being in utah. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: hey, did you eat the last of my cheese doodles? >> [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: okay. all right. and -- >> more fun facts? >> stephanie: yes, i love the headline -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: pope with one lung shouldn't affect duty. this is the funnest of the fun facts. the new pope has daunting challenges. ranging from the church of the sex scandal and reinvigorating the flock and he will have to do it with just one lung. he is a little bit slowed by it

but he is okay -- these are fun facts. [♪ fun-facts music ♪] >> okay. >> stephanie: doctors say it doesn't necessarily compromise the pope's life or reduce his life scan, but it does reduce his physical exercise level. >> get off of my machine! >> stephanie: maybe he prefers the incumbent bike. >> he has gone past the 30 minutes. >> and you didn't wipe the sweat off! >> stephanie: he probably won't be able to run marathons but i don't think that will be on his schedule. he didn't think the papal schedule would be too difficult for a pope with one lung. his rib cage look alarming but is understandable once you understand what is happening. he said back when francis had his lung removed the antibiotics

weren't as powerful. she said physicians even used to stick ping-pong balls into people's lungs in an attempt to starve the lung of oxygen to kill the box tieria -- >> oh, my god! >> especially the ping-pong balls that come from thailand. >> stephanie: okay. now that was sack religious. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: they did all dirty -- now. okay. carman -- >> porn in the vatican wasn't sack religious. >> stephanie: i didn't say that. >> caller: hello, stephanie. >> stephanie: hello karma. some people say karma is a bitch, but i'm defending -- [♪ circus music ♪] -- >> caller: darling believe me. karma is a bitch. [ laughter ] >> caller: the number one thing i wanted to say to you before my

education is i want to thank you for educating me on what a stupid government we have in d.c., and if we could take the serious republicans out of there and get some people in the real world we would be better off. >> stephanie: yep. yep. control but my question is i have worked all of my life paid in to social security and then later on paid into fica -- >> stephanie: you are acting like you have entitled to it in some way -- >> whatever! >> caller: is it an entitlement or did i pay for it and it is mine? >> stephanie: yeah, don't you love that. it is our money. >> you feel like you are entitled to insurance plan you paid into. >> stephanie: it's like putting money into the bank and then you go to get it and they are like oh, you are a moocher. >> caller: i am sick of this. and the other question i have

for you, isn't there a place in our constitution that says there will be no taxation without representation? >> stephanie: i believe so, yes. >> it's on all of the license plates in dc. >> stephanie: it really would be like the atm if you put it in -- >> no, we spent your money. >> stephanie: we need to cut your entightments you moocher. >> you expected your money to still be here? geez! who do you think you are? >> stephanie: 47%er. all right. forty-five minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> that is great radio. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ ♪

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♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ yes sir ♪ ♪ feeling hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ feeling hot, hot, hot ♪ ♪ oh lord ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ [ laughter ] >> stephanie: can my life get any better? there is hope. and i have made -- what is this radio equalizer again. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> brian maroney. >> stephanie: oh, hi brian. >> i'm sure this video will be played -- >> stephanie: oh i'll be on left-wing hate speech again this week? >> yeah. >> stephanie: awesome. thank you brian. it's a nice picture of me. liberal radio host wonders if laura ingraham likes her hair pulled during sex.

[♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: i as i recall was actually defending, laura ingraham and saying the "stephanie miller show" has no information that he likes her hair pulled you two were saying she did. i defended her. and say he is might not like it. >> she also might like a little slap on the ass. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> stephanie: the "stephanie miller show" has no -- >> although she seems like she might like that. >> stephanie: the "stephanie miller show" has no information whether laura ingraham likes a little slap on the ass during -- but i know i do. >> oh! >> stephanie: make sure you include that in right-ring world, hannity -- >> when your number is 17 you

are below the slap on the ass -- >> sure. >> stephanie: when you are number 12, you do, at 17 you don't have the self-esteem -- [ laughter ] >> stephanie: she needs a copy of talkers next to the bed. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: okay. >> oh god. >> stephanie: okay. could we have -- because i love when they include a transcript. >> they do. >> stephanie: this is probably what you'll see tonight. ♪ >> stephanie: i appreciate it when they include it because i don't get a chance to enjoy the show. and this way i read it and go, oh, that was funny.

okay. stephanie miller: all right you guys can debate laura ingraham's orgasm -- >> you goaded us. >> stephanie:co hosts lavoie and ward make whining sounds. jim ward: more to the right. chris lavoie: do me. do me. >> wow they are good. >> stephanie: stephanie miller: she is already mad. why not make her madder. chris lavoie just eat this whole bag of snickers. stephanie miller: we don't actually have any information that she enjoys having her hair pulled during sex.

chris lavoie: i think she does. she you screw it up again. jim ward: it couldn't surprise me if she did. stephanie miller: please don't do it without asking her. jim ward: right. >> there's very little danger that i'm going to find out, if any that that's true. >> yeah, that's right. they are going to run the slap on the ass part from today. >> stephanie: thank a lot. >> because that's news. >> yeah, we broke news with that. >> stephanie: that's what is stopping the governess of the country -- stop saying it! >> what? >> stephanie: jonathan in indianapolis. >> caller: hey, momma. hey mooks. i wanted to mention that the gop -- the party of big bangs

and insurance companies would have a problem with paying into something your whole life like social security because you would have a guaranteed payout. they are fine with you paying into insurance, but if you -- you can pay into an insurance policy your whole life, but if you didn't read the fine print or if they can find a reason why they don't have to pay you back that is like 100% profit for them. >> stephanie: yeah exactly. it's the last big tranche of money they haven't gotten their grubby paws on. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: hey, it's official. republicans are losing the sequester blame game that goes along with their 72% disapproval rating. would you support or oppose cutting military spending in a more targeted way.

question as part of a budget agreement that would replace the across the board budget cuts would you oppose proposed cut in spending on medicaid. 71% oppose that. leave medicare and medicaid out of the sequester game. this is consistent with all of the polling that has been done keep low and middle income people safe the american public has said over and over and tax the wealthy, but they are still pushing with their latest manifesto, this year's paul ryan's -- >> premium support. >> stephanie: very good. [ applause ] >> stephanie: very concise analysis of what the people want. the president yesterday. >> obama: ultimately it may be that the differents are just too wide. >> between the two sides. >> stephanie: right. because the senate democrats put out a plan patty murray's plan

which makes sense, as paul ryan's budget makes no sense whatsoever. so they are -- >> way far apart. >> stephanie: remember that piece i read from "the daily beast" yesterday, the president was like no, i'm not going to do that. literally -- that's the thing it's like go play on paul ryan's home field. he said no. no. my job is to get people back to work and however -- >> and not to deal with this nonsense. >> stephanie: exactly. >> they were talking about entitlement reform, one thing they could do is lift the cap on social security so people making above $115,000 would pay into it. >> stephanie: right. patty murray has stuff in there -- there are wayses for savings that don't involve -- i cannot believe he is back with this ridiculous voucher plan.

>> we said no. [ booing ] >> a voucher program and kill the post office. >> stephanie: it's like the kid asking for a skippy pop. i said no. >> a what? a skippy pop? >> stephanie: i don't even think that is a thing. >> skippy pop? >> stephanie: skippy cup? >> no, sippy cup or -- >> stephanie: i think i'm having a brain-related event right now. >> quick pull her hair. >> stephanie: could someone give me a little slap on the ass -- >> jim that's your territory. i'm not getting anywhere near her ass. >> stephanie: all right. much more to delve into as we continue on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello hour number 2, current tv land jacki schechner remember how taylor swift said there is a special place in hell for women who don't like other women? >> yes. >> stephanie: i believe i was being helpful. >> what did you say? >> stephanie: i said the "stephanie miller show" has no information on whether she likes

to have her hair pulled while having sex. and i said please don't do it without asking her. >> that makes you a helper. >> stephanie: i am helping a fellow women against these two neanderthals. >> just trying to keep it interesting. >> stephanie: jacki and i help each other. >> i have more people they would rather help than her. but that's just me. good morning, everyone the senate judiciary committee is planning to vote this morning on the assault weapon's ban. even though it is likely to pass committee, is likely to fail on the floor of the house. senator dianne feinstein sponsored the bill which also would limit high-capacity magazines. once the ban gets through committee, the nra is well prepared to lobby against it. the ban is also not likely to go anywhere in the gop-controlled

house. vice president biden is going to lead the u.s. delegation to rome for next week's formal installation of the new pope. this leaves president obama to keep his plans to travel to the middle east as scheduled. he is going to jerusalem next tuesday. this afternoon, president obama travels up to capitol hill again this time to meet with senator and house democrats. house speaker boehner has a response up today. he says he appreciates the president's outreach but has heard the proposals before. he calls for presidential leadership but at the same time accusing the president of not conceding to his party's balanced party approach which ultimately be punish the middle class. nancy pelosi is going to be unabducted into the women's fall

of fame. the ceremony is october 12th. we're back with more show after the break. stay with us. ♪ billy zane stars in barabbas. coming in march to reelz. to find reelz in your area, go to reelz.com

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: yes, it is, the "stephanie miller show," welcome it to, six minutes after the hour. kelley carlin live in studio with us next hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. stephaniemiller.com the website. sexy liberal sexyliberal.com that website, april 13th chicago

theater, hurry tickets going very fast. this hour brought to you by go to my pc. access your smartphone or tablet like we do. try it free for 45 days with this special offers, enter the promo code stephanie. all right. by the way -- oh someone tweeted us that the vatican might not have porn channels but they do have emaculate reception. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: all right. everybody gentle down on the pope. all right. we have lots to get to including budget and sequester stuff. the president met with house republicans yesterday, we check in with representative karen bass of the great state of california. good morning, representative. >> good morning. good morning. >> stephanie: thank so much for taking time with us. >> absolutely. >> stephanie: it is not encouraging thus far looking at paul ryan's budget and then senator murray's budget is it?

we are pretty far apart? >> exactly. i was disappointed in paul ryan's budget. he went much further to the right, saying we were going to balance the budget in ten years. >> stephanie: yeah, you are right, representative, maybe we shouldn't be surprised, but it really is pretty stunning that he just lost a landslide election, and not only he back with the voucher thing, he was cam page saying the quester cuts were going to be devastating and now he includes the sequester cuts in his budget. >> it's just further evidence as to who really rules here. the tea party caucus has a strangle hold on the republican caucus, because i can't think of a faction more extreme than that. and clearly speaker boehner has

decided to bow to them and now so has paul ryan. >> stephanie: yeah the president said unfortunately the differences may be too wide. so where do we go from here do you think? >> it's a very interesting question, it seems as though, and we'll see what plays out in the next few weeks, but it seems as though the house leadership hassed a woe gaited responsibility to the senate and he did that most recently and i think he'll do it again meaning he throws his hands up in the air. we will pass a budget next week but it will be a budget that everyone will understood will have dead on arrival in the senate. and then we'll wait for the senate to send something back here. and then i hope we'll break his tie to the hastel rule and then allow it to pass with democratic

votes and not hold the line that saying the only he will put up is a bill that the majority of the republican caucus will vote for. >> stephanie: yeah, and there is the president again reaching out. he went to their own turf to mete with house republicans yesterday, and the details that have leaked out, representative do not inspeier confidence, let's just say. james langford republican of oklahoma, your colleague, he -- he had a q&a with him and you think gee are we going to get any closer on these important issues. what he asked is how come the president called steve israel on election night instead of john boehner. and the president said that wasn't true. he had called boehner, and boehner had gone to sleep. boehner said the president was right. >> oh, my goodness. >> stephanie: and another one asked why the white house

decided to suspend white house tours. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: because of the sequestration that you just voted for. >> those are real earth-shattering issues. >> stephanie: yes, you think we're waiting for the white smoel has anything hand on the budget? and literally that is what this is about. >> the first term it was about making sure he didn't get reelected, and i do believe that my republican colleagues continue to be disoriented, they haven't found their sea legs. they didn't have a plan b. they were so convinced that his election the first time was anomaly that they were just going to correct things the second time. and they have not come to grips with the fact that the majority of the country supports the president and his policies.

so we all have to push for them to come to reality. >> stephanie: i agree. did you see paul ryan on with chris wallace on fox news of all places. when he says your budget supposes the repeal of obamacare, and he says yes, and chris wallace said that not going to pap. and paul ryan said well we think it should. >> exactly. and speaker boehner after the election, he sounded reasonable. he said the people have spoken, the supreme court has spoken. and every time that man says something reasonable within a half hour he retracts it. but he pretty much has decided he is not going to lead. >> stephanie: yeah paul ryan this whole interview, i think republicans have a better chance of triumphing after obama takes

effect. what? >> exactly. but i do have to say i always think about the bigger picture and what comes down the road and we will have another election, and i certainly hope that the american people will see as long as they are in place, we are not going to move forward as a country. we do need to understand that the tea party did not come to washington to govern. they came to washington to dismantle and destroy. we need to come to grips with that and make the change that allows our country to move forward. >> stephanie: yeah, it's incredible. i would wait to be you right now, but you are doing the best you can. and thank you for updating us. >> thank you. >> stephanie: she seems chuckly for having to work with the likes of the budget monitor. can i have some hopeful music. >> okay.

♪ >> stephanie: paul ryan expressed optimism about the republican position in the wake of president obama's reelection. >> what would give him a sense of optimism. >> stephanie: that seems like delusion to me. >> uh-huh. he is like living in oppositeland. >> stephanie: yeah exactly. just because the election didn't go our way that means we have supposed to change our principles? well, yes. >> go to principles are us. >> stephanie: yours lost. a budget is supposed to be a vision. our vision is a world without obamacare. and unicorns that -- [ farting sounds ] >> stephanie: and leprecons. that's a ron christie like

vision. somehow counter intuitively. ryan said republicans are now much better positioned to advance their position. we ran against the obama policies before they were implement implemented. no, he actually ran on a lot of things he already got done the first time. in the second term, i don't want to say we're going to enjoy going around the country saying i told you know but we're going to have to say we toll you so and here is this. >> and we'll trach out one of your lungs. >> the pope special. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> stephanie: it's the end of your story it little eddie.

the chapter we're entering is one where conservatives have a better chance of triumphing. >> whatever! >> stephanie: that is so wonderful, eddie. >> isn't that wonderful, eddie? >> i won't go! i won't! i won't! i won't! you can't make me! you can't! you can't! >> here is the same piece of dung in different packages. >> stephanie: let me rewrap it. >> stephanie: he regifted his voucher program. oh, come on, eddie. come up with a new program. [ applause ] >> stephanie: everybody is a little overly excited about the new pope including rocky mountain mike. ♪ i left my tune with pope francisco ♪ ♪ in roman hills ♪

♪ that's all i got ♪ >> i'm sorry that's all i go. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: that's good, micke thank you. >> i left my lung in argentina. >> stephanie: he did. it is just a little displayed according to that one doctor and that moves your rib cage over. >> he should also try to get that ping-pong ball out of there. >> stephanie: yeah. i hope he's not planning on shagging at the inauguration -- or what is it? innotification. [ whip snaps ] >> stephanie: kids you plan on backing up your computer files

regularly, but things don't always go as plans. carbonite, quick and easy to set up, then your computer files will be backed up to the cloud automatically and continually whenever you are connected to the internet. listen? see doing it right now. >> in silence. >> stephanie: right. unlimited backup space for one computer just $59 for one year. plus carbonite has affordable plans to back up multiple computers for all of your small business. like we do here. i have a disco argentina that is protected in carbonite. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> stephanie: go to carbonite.com, the offer code is stephanie.

>> announcer: as it turns out the revolution will not be televised. it is on the radio. it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪

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this show is about being up to date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. in reality it's not like they actually care. this is purely about political grandstanding.

♪ ♪ i love -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ so put another dime in the jukebox baby ♪ ♪ i love -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ -- going take some time and dance with me ♪ ♪ >> stephanie: there's -- >> i don't think you can repeat that entire headline. >> stephanie: well it's

[ censor bleep ] encrusted -- >> it's another carnival cruise ship in the caribbean, passengers are being forbidden from leaving the cruise ship left in st. martin. [ farting sounds ] >> ain't we got fun. >> stephanie: here is another story about poo. >> okay. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: pennsylvania 17 tons of human waste spilled in a pennsylvania truck crash. a truck hit a ditch and crashed on the road spilling 17 tons of processed -- oh, at least it was processed -- of human waste. [ farting sounds ] >> is that like processed cheese. >> stephanie: yeah, poo-vita. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: the week before vacation the best of the worst ever. just weird brain farts

continually. kevin in chicago writes chris if you and jim stop sexually harassing stephanie or anyone i will stop listening. my life evolved around sex and sexual talk. >> and we found out that you have to tickle your butt to pee. >> stephanie: that's right. >> nothing but nerve endings down there. >> stephanie: yeah. hi, dave. >> caller: hello. love your show. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: paul ryan being thought of as one of the intellectual bright lights of the republican party is like being prom queen at a leapter colony. the people of romney's hometown

rejected the romney/ryan ticket but then turned right around and gave little pauly another seat in office. >> stephanie: that's right. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: he conceded to george stephanopoulos the differences with the congressional republicans may be too wide admitting the gop will only accept new tax revenues unless the condition that deep cuts are made to medicaid and medicare, and social security we are probably not going to have be able to reach a deal. the boner yesterday. >> you know how -- >> real differences. >> -- between our two parties like issues jobs balancing the budget and trying to get our economy moving again. >> stephanie: why won't the

president help us kill more poor people? >> we have a mulch shortage in this company. >> stephanie: why won't the president compromise on that. >> make sure there is more money for bronzer. >> the republicans want to balance the budget, the president doesn't. the republicans want to solve our long-term debt problem, the president doesn't. we want to unlock our energy resources to put america back to work. the president doesn't. but i hope these kinds of discussions can continue -- >> stephanie: that made no sense at all. >> we need more oil spills and more dead poor people. but it was a good start. >> stephanie: how it is a good start. the boner one more time. >> i thought we had a very

candid and frank exchange of ideas, and frankly i think it was productive. >> frankly. productive. as long as we get rid of more tax cuts for orange rich people. >> stephanie: margaret in texas. hello margaret? okay. scott in massachusetts. she was enjoying the show at least. hello, scott. >> caller: hi, stephanie. i love the show. i'm so glad to find it. i'm glad you are not talking to the pope so much -- >> stephanie: are you eggs me on. don't make me do it, scott. >> caller: i'm not going to troll either way on that one, but i just wanted to say when i was growing up i finally talked catholic friend of mine who was a little bit older, and he explained to me that the catholic church does not allow

contraception, but he and his wife didn't want anymore children so they started wearing condoms, and he would just go in and take a confession. so one of the things that drives me crazy when we have groups going in to comment on the contraceptive or gay marriage they always say they speak for catholics or protestants, they don't. they speak to them. >> stephanie: that's right. they speak at them. and i think catholics speak in one voice when they say -- ♪ don't cry for me argentina ♪ ♪ >> stephanie: all right. you are welcome. >> i don't know west africans sing like that. >> stephanie: twenty-nine minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ don't cry for me argentina ♪

♪ the truth is i never left you ♪ honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> ha! >> oh, boy that laugh is infection. hah. hah. it's fun. >> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." let's see if margaret is still laughing. >> caller: hi. love your show. love you. love all the guys. >> stephanie: thank you. thank you. >> caller: the enemy these days is the republicans settling to say -- they are trying to get rid of everybody that isn't

rich. >> stephanie: yeah. >> caller: yeah. they -- i guess they are going to have their own food inspectors? >> stephanie: oh boy. >> caller: like for chicken fish. >> stephanie: oh, boy. >> caller: i heard there is a man that had a plant processing chickens in california big plant, had to shut down because there wasn't going to be any food inspectors, but i guess it was republicans -- the republicans have especially the senate and house republicans have their own meat inspector? their own food inspector? >> stephanie: really, wow? >> caller: and they think maybe -- i don't know -- are millionaires are we going to see millionaires going to the fields to pick crops. >> sure and clean their own toilets. >> stephanie: yeah, right. just inspect your own food for god's sakes, who cares.

it turned us into a nation of can you taste that bad? does that taste bad to you? >> nanny state people -- 47%ers want to have food safety. >> stephanie: professional food inspectors, whatever. oh, did you fine it, really? >> uh-huh. >> stephanie: this is in honor of the new pope. ♪ uh-huh ♪ >> ben -- buenos aires the businessco version. [ applause ] >> stephanie: yeah, well, she -- margaret loves our show. this guy not so much. somebody named chris regarding underarm sweat on muscle head and stephanie.

i'm guessing that is you. >> and you you are stephanie. chris rights i would think the producer would notice as to the sweat under their arms. is there no air in there, or are they that nasty. how many more viewers have you lost? >> we have no control over the air conditioning in here. they lock it down. >> stephanie: listen it is menopause just shut up chris. that chris not you. >> i have going through menopause too. >> wouldn't it be women-o-pause in your case. >> stephanie: hello, david. >> caller: i work for the department of defense, and i don't know what the world is coming to when republicans don't care about national defense anymore.

the sequester is hitting our agency in april. we'll all be forced to take off one day a week for 20 weeks, and it will make it impossible for us to fulfill our mission. >> nobody is going to try to attack on those days. >> stephanie: right. >> caller: i just don't know what the swoerldworld is coming to. >> they just want to blame everything on obama. >> stephanie: but what they do care about is white house tours. >> that's right. >> stephanie: which is -- what? the president having to answer that question. >> obama: i have to say this was not a decision that went up to the white house, but what the secret service explained to us was they are going to have to furlough some folks. what furloughs mean is that people lose a day of work and a day of pay. >> so that's why they want white house tours. they want to make it dangerous for the president and his

family. >> stephanie: that's right. jay carney. >> the white house runs the tours. we -- the tours are of the white house. the secret service staffs the tours. the secret service came to us with a decision that because of the sequester cuts, it would be in their view impossible to staff those tours. >> so we got our tour just in time. >> stephanie: yes, thanks god. that's all we care about. we got ours. screw yous. ezra client -- or as i call him ere-za. republicans have within pretty unimpressed by the sequester. boner called the cuts devastating. romney and ryan warned that the

sequester would be devastating. >> oh, it's no big deal. sequester sylvester. >> stephanie: the republicans love spending cuts except the one they don't like, which is white house tours. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: eric bolling, sean hannity have offered to pay for them. >> so they don't want poor people to get food stamps but they want vacationers to have tours of the white house. >> stephanie: right. loui gohmert said no more golf trips until they reopen the tours. >> what an idiot. >> stephanie: and so ezra

described one of the things they do is stand guard during the tours so no one cuts off and tries to attack the president -- >> yeah. >> that's why we need white house tours every hour on the hour. >> why don't republicans care about the president's safety. >> stephanie: first of all it is people that are connected. it's not ordinary people. >> you can call your congressman and have it arraged for you -- >> stephanie: but most people aren't able to do that. that's what he says, it depends on who you ask? the folks losing unemployment checks don't tend to know their congressman, and they don't come to d.c., they are hurting but not in a way that the political

organization sees. the tour over the white house -- the gop want to ease the political pain of the sequester, their great fear is that it will hurt someone the media will tinlisten to. >> it sure sounds like they want to endanger obama and his family. >> stephanie: karen in new jersey you are on the "stephanie miller show." >> caller: good morning. i'm calling because mitch mcconnell about ten minutes ago was on the floor of the house and the senate -- >> stephanie: yes. >> caller: and he wants today to be named john mccain day in honor of his 40th year free from

captivity. i want to review that. i think they should have kept him. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: the "stephanie miller show" does not endorse -- ♪ >> at least if they had he would be staying at a real hilton in hanoi -- >> stephanie: the "stephanie miller show" is going to pretend that jim did not just say that. charlie in aurora. hi charlie. >> caller: stephanie mooks hey what is going on. i'm just -- the correlation -- by the way i'm calling from jan schakowsky country. love you from jan schakowsky. she is awesome. chris crawford in south carolina, even though he pretty much let it slip on how it was pretty much sheik to go against the black guy. what i'm noticing is ever since day one of the first term -- i think -- no matter what is going

on with the sequester and every other appointment and idea he has ever had, if it's anything obama -- >> stephanie: right. >> caller: i'm saying -- i mean -- them saying -- them saying it is not racism is just pathetic. >> stephanie: well, yeah -- >> caller: this is just the way it is going to be. >> stephanie: yeah, and here is the other thing. again, you look at everything that is just unprecedentedly obstructionist, and the nominees getting filibustered -- unprecedented in a closed door lunch meeting yesterday, the slow walking and filibustering of nominees urged them to address the issue on the ongoing gop obstruction of obama nominees including filibusters just weeks after the reform.

it's saying no no anything that obama wants. >> my entire motivation is to deny the president a third term. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: exactly. elizabeth warren excorerated republicans for refusing to leave the agency. i see this is nothing more than an attempt to delay the agency. it's bad for anybody trying to offer an honest market. the public need to worry more about people who have cheated on -- this is how -- 43 republican senator have written a letter pledging to block the confirmation of the director unless they agree to weaken the

authority. what is the point? that leaves democrats with the dilemma, they will have to overcome the filibuster -- i mean it's -- i -- i -- get jeff merkley on the phone. let's go where the filibuster reform. forty-five minutes after the hour. right back on the "stephanie miller show." >> that is great radio. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ >> ...and a distinctly satirical point of view. >> but you mentioned "great leadership" so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. >> (laughter). >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

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(vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. (vo) she's joy behar. >>current will let me say anything. ♪ ♪ you can't always get you want ♪ ♪ but if you try sometime ♪ ♪ you just might find ♪ you get --

>> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ oh yeah ♪ ♪ whoo ♪ >> stephanie: uh-huh. 50 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-1-2 the phone number toll free from anywhere. kelly carlin joining us live in studio next hour in just a few minutes. eric in tampa. hey, eric. >> caller: hey stephanie. just got the volume off, you would have hung up on me. >> stephanie: okay. >> caller: you just talked about harry reid agreeing to reform filibustering, and i'm wondering how harry reid feeling about that handshake that he gave him over that. >> stephanie: yeah. yeah. >> caller: but what i really called about is can you and all of the other people that do what you do stop talking about these republican crises and start getting into people's heads that if we don't attack these republicans for not doing it -- it is them shutting up that would stop these crazies.

>> stephanie: all right. we just mentioned it. there you go. with a bell. >> yes. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> stephanie: and mitch mcconnell is a bag of pus. okay. jim in chicago. hello, jim. >> caller: yeah hi stephanie. love your show. you guys crack me up. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: for sure. the democrats have to get with it and create a policy that's going to take -- bring the voters to the polls because the republicans answer is tax breaks. i.e. -- it has all been we're going to cut your taxes, where the democrats have to come one up on that so they can get through the other policies that they want, and that's to be reciprocal with the taxpayers money and create jobs by giving the taxpayer back a portion of his money to create jobs by creating demand so it's

reciprocal reciprocal, so it's his money coming back to him so it will reinvigorate the economy. and it will drive them to the polls because everyone will believe in that. people will vote democratic and bury the republican party. >> stephanie: i hope so. [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: our friend patty murray senator democrats unveiled a new budget call thats for $1 trillion in tax revenues. it blends about a trillion in modest cuts with an equal amount in new revenue claimed by closing tax breaks, but because democrats want to restore the 1.2 -- the sequestration cuts the blueprint actually increases spending slightly. which is why they are screaming, republicans. [ baby crying ]

>> stephanie: on the other house the house barrelled ahead we the exact opposite approach promising sweeping cuts to medicare and medicare while promising to balance the budget within ten years. it's hard to identify the layers of awful in paul ryan's budget. >> yes. >> stephanie: even as democrats controlling the senate and strongly conservative house moved in divergent directions president obama again travelled to the capitol to have talks with lawmakers where he was asked mostly stuff like why have the white house tours been cancelled? why didn't you call speaker boner first -- and he was obviously in a deep purple haze. >> yes, boner did confirm that. >> stephanie: everyone needs to

confront the political barriers to reigning in -- he said your people don't want entitlement reform either. go home and poll them. [ giggling ] >> stephanie: yeah, it really is incredible. this is yet another flip flop. ryan campaigned against the sequestration, talking about how awful these cuts were -- >> until they figured out they could blame it on obama, and then it was, oh we love it. and he revives his controversial voucher plan. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> it's a serious plan. >> stephanie: he proposes slashing medicaid by more than $700 billion over ten years. >> oh, my god. >> stephanie: he promises to eliminate $1.8 trillion in subsidies in the president's health care plan. which is not going to happen. >> boy. >> stephanie: here is the kind

of disarray -- [♪ "world news tonight" theme ♪] >> stephanie: it is all summed up at cpac. >> which starts today i think. [ sighs ] >> stephanie: right. right. "the daily beast," heresy hunters and gop chris christie need not apply. [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: it's a clown show. who qualifies? chris christie not one of us. we're open to centers. newt gingrich is a speaker, donald trump a center too, but he believes the president might be born in kenyon nevertheless he is an american patriot popular with the american people. [ applause ] >> stephanie: aren't they precious? >> no. >> stephanie: dave in tucson.

hi, dave go ahead. >> caller: how are you doing? >> stephanie: good. >> caller: yeah, i love you guy's show by the way. a little background about me i'm an active duty [ inaudible ]. i have been for about eight years. i'm in charge of about 50 soldiers and [ inaudible ] actually, and maybe i can understand all of this craziness. >> stephanie: yeah. good luck with that. >> caller: yeah. monday morning i go to reregister for new courses and i was told my tuition assistance is gone. and i had been following this, and i knew there would be some things at the dod, and we had been getting emails about the cuts and furloughs and a lot of things like that but i guess another segue to that is i think republicans are so against anything that this president

does that they would rather vote against someone who is good for the country -- even if it's someone that they supported, i.e., someone like chuck hagel who a lot of people in the united states military wanted him to be secretary of defense, and they drug their feet on it. and it's completely ridiculous and shameless. i'm i'm a u.s. soldier, and we need leaders not have bickering partisanship. and the cia director we needed someone in that position. >> stephanie: yep. >> caller: it's ridiculous. >> stephanie: they are trying to make points about things that have nothing to do with the actual confirmation in front of them. it's one political skit after another. >> it's a stunt. snoot it's sketch. >> boner isn't good at sketch comedy. he needs to cut that out. >> stephanie: yes. kelly carlin live in studio next

on the "stephanie miller show." ♪

[♪ theme music ♪] >> stephanie: hello hour number 3 tv world. kelley carlin live in studio with us. she has a fabulous show, jacki, it's called "the carlin home companion." >> where is this? >> stephanie: thank you for asking. at the acme comedy theater. >> it's live show. >> stephanie: exactly -- okay. i'm fine now. >> you okay? >> stephanie: yeah i'm good. no, she does video footage and family memorabilia and stories

about her dad. >> how fun. >> stephanie: when you say you are a fan of her dad, who isn't? >> right. george carlin is a legend. >> stephanie: remember, when he said oh, she's funny i'll come on her show. i make them tell -- >> yes george carlin said you were funny. >> that's a tremendous compliment. good morning, everybody, the first lady is appearing on the cover of "vogue" magazine for the second time. the april tradition is traditionally the shape magazine. her first cover was back in march of 2009. in this edition which is out on news stands on march 26th she says that her daughters are her number one priority. a new gallup poll shows that americans are not happy with government and that displeasure is at its highest since

watergate. gallop every month since march of 2001 ask people what they think is the most important problem facing our country? the economy or some facet of it so usually first, and that's the case this month, but coming in second is dissatisfaction with government. it is the highest it has been since late may early june of 1974. the white house has been warning us of ways that the sequestration was going to have an impact on every day american's lives. it seems now that washington insiders are starting to fielt. the "huffington post" reports that senate staffers are complaining that the lines to get into senate buildings are too long. he sent a note out saying that capitol police have to work shorter hours, which means fewer security officers which means they have to close some

entrances, and thanks to sequestration there are no longer lines. and he doesn't expect a solution any time soon. we're back after the break. ♪ excellence. >> where ever the story is we will go there to get it. >> we dive deep into the topics that we cover. >> it doesn't get anymore real than this. >> and on the next vanguard: how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy? christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. >> this was once built to be a paradise vacation land?

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[♪ theme music ♪] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's a the "stephanie miller show"! ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ i'm walking on sunshine woe ho ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey all right now ♪ ♪ it's time to feel good ♪ >> john boner sucking on moon shine. >> stephanie: kelley carlin what are those whacky dances you are doing over there? >> i'm trying to wake up. >> stephanie: you are doing

whacky hand dances. it's adorbs. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> stephanie: this is in honor of the pope, we have the disco version of don't cry for me argentina. >> wow, the disco version. this is going to be stuck in my head all week. >> stephanie: is is from argentina. >> he is. i'm very excited about the francis. >> stephanie: here we go. ♪ don't cry for me argentina ♪ >> it's so hopeful. [ laughter ] ♪ >> did we need a disco version of this? >> we need a disco version of everything. >> a disco version of the [ inaudible ]. >> stephanie: that's it. speaking of wildly entertaining kelly carlin will be this saturday -- >> next saturday. >> stephanie: oh pardon me.

next saturday. tell us about it. >> i will. i'm moving to hollywood with the show. i have been in santa monica forever. which i love, but a lot of people in los angeles won't go to santa monica on a saturday night. >> stephanie: yeah, i won't go. >> so they will get to see my show now. >> where the parking is slightly worse than santa monica. >> that is true. [ overlapping speakers ] >> and the [ inaudible ] is right on the brea. >> kelly carlin what are you doing here? [ laughter ] >> so, yeah i'm excited i have

been doing the show a lot. i play some video of my oh so lovely daddy. >> stephanie: who was your dad? >> richard pryor actually. >> the melinon didn't -- >> i know. the lovely and subdued mr. george carlin. >> i hear the wores coming on. [ censor bleep ] [ censor bleep ] >> stephanie: as you know i had your dad on a lot, and i'm like thanks [ censor bleep ] a lot that i can't say [ censor bleep ] because you had the spotlight on it. >> yes he never ever will live that one down. but i play some videos but

mostly it's just me storytelling. it's like when you pull the curtain back and there's the wizard and this one you pull the curtain back and there is the carlin family. especially in the 60s and 70s when my parents were such good fine citizens. not breaking any laws. >> stephanie: that wouldn't be a show, and then we turned around and ate dinner again. and then went to bed. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] said maybe she is a little bit too honest. >> yeah, my dad was a little bit uncomfortable with the autobiographical nature of my work. richard pryor would go on stage -- that's why i feel like i'm more related to richard,

richard pours his guts on stage, and that's where i am more. >> your dad talk about swinging through sewage. >> stephanie: he did. revisit that bit for me. >> he talks about how everyone is so germ phobic in this country and always washing your hands, but if you do that then the super germs get real defensive, and what you need to do, like his friends did the poor kids of manhattan in the 30s and 40s they swam through the river in suage, and none of them got polio. and they inoculated themselves against everything. and he would talk about how they would take a rock and throw it

out, and it would create a clearing in the water so they could jump in -- oh isn't that a visual? >> it's like parting the red sea. parting the brown sea. >> exactly. >> stephanie: they became really fast swimmers just in time to clear the [ censor bleep ] -- go! go! while it's clear. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: they had to outswim the [ censor bleep ]. >> they certainly did. so i in my childhood did not have any of those kinds of stories. we have a clean swimming pool in the palisades surrounded by like governor ronald reagan's best friends. next door we have a national security council bigwig which i think was installing the shaw of iron at the time.

and his daughter would come home with all of these persian treasures, and when i grew up i'm like wait a minute. and then we have had an iran executive across the street. >> wow. >> i remember dad turned to me and said hey kelly, look at all of the a-holes over there, so they could all hear. they all stopped quiet turned, looked at dad, and i'm going hi. >> kind of the political version of swimming through sewage. >> yes. >> he would throw manure into the pool every once in a while just to relive the old days. >> exactly. >> stephanie: [ inaudible ] you are on with kelly.

>> caller: hi staff, hi mooks hi kelly. i was wondering what you thought of my favorite quote of your father. because i realize how hilarious, wise and astute he was. this is my favorite quote of his -- >> i was just going to say -- is this something you can say on the radio? [ laughter ] >> i'll let you figure it out. it goes like this women are crazy, and men are a-holes, but women are crazy because men are a-holes. >> i loved that about him. >> he actually was very much a feminist. he always supported women and saw that it was -- you know, the crazy men on this planet who were making the women crazy, i guess, is the point he was making there. yeah, i love that quote. that's -- you know, it's funny. he -- he did have a thing -- a love of -- of women and he

really -- his big fight always was about the men, you know? and what they are doing to screw up this planet, so -- especially the white males in power. >> stephanie: he just did that to get laid i imagine. >> yeah, it's true. >> stephanie: you are not fooling us george. men just fake feminism to get laid. [ laughter ] >> nice. >> stephanie: nice. let's go to deb in california. you are on with kelly. hey, deb. >> caller: hey, guys good morning. >> good morning. >> caller: your dad was great and still is frankly. >> yeah, he is. >> caller: we're constantly thinking about him. and frankly because he had some of the best concepts. his rant on his hbo special where he was kind of rapping. >> yes, the modern man piece. >> caller: oh, my god that was just total brilliance and it also makes you cry because it's so true. >> yeah.

>> stephanie: he did. he made -- what is the thing i always love that we all need to keep [ censor bleep ] each other until we're all one color about racism. >> right. an interesting back story -- this is kind of what i do in my show about the modern man piece is that hbo show was the second to last show and i hadn't seen my dad in a few months and i showed up at the theater in new york where he was going to be shooting and my dad was suffering from heart failure at the time. and he was very puffy. he looked shorter. he could barely breathe backstage and i really thought, wow is he going to make it through this show, and then he went on stage and did that modern man piece. >> stephanie: wow. >> wow. >> and it's a like this evergreen, every lasting energy he got on stage. >> stephanie: yeah. he knew -- he was aware of the

heart -- >> yeah, he -- and he -- about a month later he ended up in the hospital, and he said i have been having these symptoms but i just wanted to do my hbo show and he was so dedicated and driven by his work. >> stephanie: in honor of your dad, when we come back we'll talk about what is the world [ censor bleep ] off to. >> masturbating. >> stephanie: right. watching people's thinks. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: >> announcer: for a good time call now. 1-800-steph-1-2.

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>> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ i jew -- jew -- juicy ♪ ♪ ah, ah, ah ♪ ♪ juicy ♪ >> stephanie: there she goes kelly carlin rocking out in studio with us. sue in chicago you are on with kelly. hi, sue. >> caller: hi. hi stephanie. thank you so much for taking my call. you are such a blessing to so many people. and i also wanted to say thank you to kelly for her incites and humor about her dad. i am an ordained minister and people have been telling me how much my sermons remind them of your dad. >> oh, how fabulous. i want to go to your church.

>> yeah. so that so honors me and honors what god and jesus are all about. >> stephanie: do they call you preacher potty mouth or -- [ laughter ] >> caller: yes, we are a fun church. >> wow. >> caller: we are the ultraliberal -- >> stephanie: awesome. >> caller: we love everybody. >> stephanie: what kind of church is that? >> the seven words you can't say in aer is month. >> stephanie: kelly what the [ censor bleep ] is the world off to. porn search site pornmd and we every country around the world. let me just say there are some

superfreaks. [ porn music ] >> stephanie: let's start with us. america. >> let's own it. >> stephanie: number 1, milf. >> that's good to know as a middle aged woman. >> stephanie: nicely done. teen. >> oh, other direction. >> stephanie: cream pie. >> don't go there. >> stephanie: massage. asian porn. po pov. >> like you are holding the camera. >> stephanie: number 8 amateur. oh, dear. >> that's interesting. >> we're all amateurs. >> there was that whole page of hustler where people would send in their own pictures of

themselves completely untrimmed and no makeup -- no fake boobs -- >> stephanie: straddling a die dienet set. >> yeah. >> stephanie: compilation. i don't know what that is -- >> the best of your porn. >> yeah, just the highlights. >> for those are sport at attention span. >> stephanie: and my favorite the back door kind -- >> oh that other side there. >> stephanie: let's move to iran. >> no. >> stephanie: their number one -- their number one -- [ censor bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: which i assume does not mean watching cat videos. which is also very popular here in the states. >> yes. >> stephanie: remember on the dinner jacket he said they don't

have gays there. interestingly, number four, five, six, seven, and eight top are gay. >> really? strange? >> stephanie: just for research. >> right, of course. >> see this. don't do that. >> stephanie: right number 4 daddy love, gay. five harry, gay. six hotel businessman, gay. >> that's a pretty specific scenario. >> stephanie: eight is shower gay. and then number 9 is [ censor bleep ] job which may or night be. >> could be. goes both ways. i love the hotel businessman. >> stephanie: i had hoped to bring peace to the middle east at one point. but i'm just saying palestinians, really? your number one porn search is

family? [ buzzer ] >> oh, no! >> stephanie: the number one porn search in israel. prostate! [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] >> does this look infected to you. >> it taint true is it. >> you see what you did there. >> stephanie: number 8 is mom. [ buzzer ] [ buzzer ] >> maybe they don't know about milf. >> stephanie: yeah. prostate porn. >> i'm thinking hotel businessman does concierge go with that? that's very strange. >> room service? >> stephanie: hello? i am a gay hotel businessman. [ knocking ] >> stephanie: might i come in. >> walk-a-walk-a-walk-a.

>> we have no gays here in iran. >> stephanie: no we do not only hotel businessman gay. [ bell chimes ] >> stephanie: rob you are on with kelly? >> caller: was anybody scared how quickly chris knew what pov was. >> there is actually a pbs series called pov, and it is point of view. >> caller: yeah, sure, chris. kelly, gorge did a special in '91 right after the gulf war, and scary because you listen and he talks about bush and cheney and the war, and if you play it after the iraq war, it really works. >> yeah, the man was a profit. he really was. his very first "saturday night live" he talked about airport security, and wondered where it

would lead some day, and it is like wow, how was he thinking about these things. >> stephanie: he was the psychic comic. >> caller: everything old is new again. >> that's very true. and that's why he talked about america as the freak show when you are born you get a ticket to the freak show, and when you are born in america you get a front row seat. >> stephanie: and imagine if george carlin had been president instead of gorge wbush. >> yeah. >> stephanie: jim has to go to a voice -- >> i have another yob. >> stephanie: he actually said he has to leave because no one cares about his dad. >> i was going to say your new best friend is going to be on later tonight. >> stephanie: awesome, and he is going to sit over here in a few

minutes. >> can we go touch him? >> stephanie: right back with kelly carlin on the "stephanie miller show." ♪ excellence. >> where ever the story is >> we dive deep into the topics that we cover. >> it doesn't get anymore real than this. >> and on the next vanguard: how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy? christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. >> this was once built to be a paradise vacation land? [ male announcer ] it's red lobster's lobsterfest our largest selection of lobster entrees like lobster lover's dream or new grilled lobster and lobster tacos. come in now and sea food differently. visit redlobster.com now for an exclusive $10 coupon on

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♪ >> i don't mean to stair but your -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. . >> -- you were by boyhood idle well, you and gene gene the dancing machine. >> stephanie: you are right, kelly what happens when you turn safe search off in iran. what happens to your porn search? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: yeah, this chart -- >> i'm so fascinated -- >> stephanie: yes, with what the world is [ censor bleep ] off to. the chinese kind of self hating.

their number one porn search japanese. >> well, it is that forbidden fruit thing. >> stephanie: right, and chinese is second, because once you watch chinese porn then an hour later you are -- [♪ circus music ♪] >> stephanie: that's very sad. south korea, number five is [ censor bleep ]. >> what? >> stephanie: yes, number 10 is [ censor bleep ]-ing. >> wow. >> stephanie: that's just wrong. [ buzzer ] >> this is a fascinating peak into different country's psychky. >> it's true. >> stephanie: one is it's

already there and the other one is -- >> as you are making it? >> oh, wow, you know -- >> stephanie: now back to questions about george carlin. >> dad would be so proud right now. >> stephanie: steve in massachusetts you are on with kelly carlin. >> caller: hello. love this conversation. this is great stuff. this is funny. >> stephanie: thank you. thank you. and i tell you what stephanie. it's awesome. you guys are just great. it's the best radio team i have ever heard. it is just brilliant. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: thank you just for being you. >> stephanie: oh, love that. >> caller: anyway question for kelly, i'm a big music guy. i'm a musician and always curious what people's musical tastes were. i never got to hear what george was into. and also two partner, i wanted to know what made george laugh. >> great.

great questions. dad had a rich, rich musical background. he grew up in the upper west side of manhattan what he used to call irish harlem. so he was very influenced by the black culture, so boogie woogie was very important of him. and there is a clip of him playing and singing cherry pie. but loved folk music, a lot of jazz. he grew up listening to jazz and going to see the great jazz artists in new york city. he has all of the autographs of all of the great people. i have his vinyl collection. and when i was very little she said this is your collection kelly, i'm collecting it for you. >> stephanie: oh, wow.

>> he wasn't into rock or led zeppelin or bruce springsteen until later in bruce's career. but real eclectic taste. and what was the other question -- >> caller: what made him laugh. yes, and also did he like the beatles? >> yes, we have all of the beatles on vinyl. >> caller: okay. >> one of my fondest memories is being about 4 years old and the white album playing and me dancing around the living room to bungalow bill. but the making me laugh part, i remember being a kid and watching carol burnett show with my dad and newhart, peter sellers and the pink panther movies, i remember my dad crying

and laughing so hard. >> so he liked the slapstick. >> yeah he did. the marx brothers and three stooges they really influenced him. >> wow. but that is totally not his type of humor. >> stephanie: and then, steve, of course? later years -- >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> stephanie: oh, chris, don't bring that up again. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: great question. susan in washington you are on with kelly. >> caller: hi, when i was a teenager a friend of mine and i just came out of a matinee and we passed the merv griffin show and george was one of the guests at that show, and he was still wearing a suit and tie, and this was in the 60s now, and i still remember him talking

about -- doing a takeoff on a toothpaste commercial and with a goofy voice he would said their side has 37% fewer cavities but three of our girls got pregnant. [ laughter ] >> caller: and that was the first of many times i got to see him. >> that's beautiful. >> stephanie: even people with really bad delivery really could sell that joke. [ laughter ] >> caller: i don't claim to be a -- >> you did great. >> stephanie: you did great. dad would be proud. >> he would. even during those straight-laced days, you see his work, and it was still always -- you know questioning the status quo and trying to poke holes in it in a most wholesome way when he was on the tv there. >> stephanie: yeah. yeah. did your dad ever have any thoughts on religion? >> no he had no opinion.

>> stephanie: my favorite when will jesus bring the pork chop. >> yes he loved that because he offended all mono thetrical religions in one sentence. >> stephanie: i love this gawker -- have you ever met anyone who doesn't like jennifer lawrence. he decided to give some hate groups a ring and see if anyone could put a stop to the jennifer lawrence love group. he said the west -- whoever answered the phone said i think most of the people in our church saw hunger games. i think they liked that. she just kind of bursted out on the scene, and when reminded she

was nominated for winter's bone. he said that rocked. >> that is an r-rated movie. >> stephanie: yeah he was the sam champion all of a sudden -- >> the weather man? >> stephanie: no. [ inaudible ] the entertainment reporter? >> george? >> stephanie: no, i have lost you. you can't help me now. >> you know what is great entertainment, google fred phelps, george carlin. fred sat down and does a news story with my dad's picture in flames and talks about how my dad is going to hell. it's amazing. i laugh throughout the whole thing now. dad would have loved it. >> stephanie: i frequently called the reverend fred phelps buzz he would always forget who

i was and then he would take my call. >> why do you pick on gays. >> the ones who turn into a propaganda in order to advance their filthy -- >> stephanie: you need to step in. >> this dialogue is going to be elevated with a bit of seriousness, or this conversation is over. it has been awful nice talking to you -- >> stephanie: don't you want to talk to some callers? no, don't. but i love you. [ explosion ] >> stephanie: bastard. >> take care then. bye-bye. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: that was the longest i ever kept him on. >> yeah, it is. >> he is so -- such a loving christian. >> stephanie: so awesome. yeah exactly. in another edition of wow is that random. dennis rodman as you know went to north korea, and now -- isn't

he at the vatican waiting to meet the new pope. he says he will go wherever he is needed. he is needed anywhere as i pointed out. >> clearly things are not going well with north korea now, so i'm really curious, what did you do -- i can imagine him getting all chummy with him -- >> yeah, john kerry on the phone with you. >> what is going to happen at the vatican now? >> stephanie: yeah. steven segal is hanging without with vladimir putin. >> oh. >> stephanie: last august putin a joan judo enthusest honored segal at a mixed martial arts tournament. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> stephanie: must we send our most random --

>> yeah -- >> random b -- >> that's not even b -- >> right. c. >> stephanie: we need a second tody gust that. >> yes. >> stephanie: bark with the remaining moments of kelly carlin live in studio. >> hello. here is something we hope you really like. >> announcer: it's the "stephanie miller show." ♪ honest. i think the audience gets that i actually mean it. michael shure: this show is about being up to date so a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. joy behar: you can say anything here. jerry springer: i spent a couple of hours with a hooker joy behar: your mistake was writing a check jerry springer: she never cashed it (vo) the day's events. four very unique points of view. tonight starting at 6 eastern.

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it's the documentary series that raised the bar for excellence. >> and on the next vanguard: how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy? christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. ♪ >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ [ inaudible ] ♪

>> stephanie: it is the "stephanie miller show." welcome it to. kelly carlin live in studio with us. yay! >> still awake. still awake. >> yeah, you were up late last night. >> yeah, i was doing a podcast late. >> stephanie: all of the kids have the podcast. >> i have the podcast. >> what is your podcast? >> it's a called waking from the american dream. [ bell chimes ] >> i like that. i need to add that in my life. can you follow me around in my life and make that noise. you just google me if you go to kellycarlin.com, all of my many many many things are on there. isn't it amazing how everyone has a website with their name on it. >> stephanie: yes, and you can read about it on stephaniemiller.com. [ bell chimes ] >> stephanie: you can see kelly

carlin live next saturday at the acme comedy theater. >> yeah, i'm dragging the carlin family to hollywood. >> stephanie: get the car. >> get in the car everyone we're going to holly weird. >> stephanie: steve in texas. you are on with kelly. >> caller: hi how y'all doing today? >> we got a y'all. >> caller: well, y'all i would like to hear ms. carlin talk about his relationship with lennie bruce and the story of him being arrested at -- i guess the show where lennie bruce was hauled off of the stage and george was protesting and got hauled off too. i'll let you all talk about that while i listen. thank you. >> stephanie: we'll take no further questions. >> yes, lennie was very influential to my dad.

my mom met lennie before she met my father. in 1961 my mom and dad are in chicago. lennie is on stage. lennie gets arrested. they start questioning everyone in the club and the cops are asking everyone for id and my dad said i don't believe in indication. and they promptly through my dad in the back of the paddy wagon with lennie. and my dad is so proud of himself, he stood up to the man. and lennie looks at him and goes what are you a schmuck? [ laughter ] >> and my mom talks about chasing the paddy wagon all the way to the precinct to find out how much the bail was. >> stephanie: oh wow.

matt go ahead. >> caller: good morning. i have been a fan of your father's since i was 12. and when he died i cried for three days. he was like a father almost that i never met. >> yeah. >> caller: but i saw him back in 1997, and he said that was his first show back since his then summerfest from the seven dirty words. >> yes. >> caller: and i wanted to know more about his thoughts and feelings on that ban, because he vaguely touched on it. >> yeah, i don't know about his opinion about being banned from there. i didn't know it was that long actually. i was there the night he got arrested on stage. i was young. i was nine years old, and it was very, very scary for me. the promoter new the cops were around and were going to come and get him, and my mom knew

that my dad had drugs in his pocket. so she had to figure out how to get on stage to warn him to empty his pockets. so she shows up with a glass of water on stage. and he is like what are you doing here? and she let him know what was going on. and they had a quite large bag of -- cocaine. and my mother hid it in the base drum of the band that was going to go on stage next. so the drummer was very happy when they discovered -- >> stephanie: he is probably still drumming. >> yeah, i ended up having to stay the whole weekend with the promoter and his family. terrified my dad was in jail but fascinated that they had this thing in the backyard an above ground pool. >> stephanie: what?

>> yes. [♪ magic wand ♪] >> stephanie: being a southern california girl, i was like what is this? having no understanding of how the ground freezes. >> stephanie: right there you go. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: it is interesting what he said because i remember i cried too. that must be weird to have something so deeply personal -- personal -- personal -- strangers all around the world cried with you. >> a lot of people tell me that. at it just -- it hits me and made me understand that my dad was like a dad or an uncle or, you know, the guy you hung out with kind of guy, and i think he really held for all of us this like oh, good he is coming back and he is going to tell us the truth -- >> stephanie: that's it. i think he was such a hero that people really felt the loss. >> yeah. >> stephanie: like oh, know we're not going to hear what

george carlin is going to say about this. >> yeah. he was like every guy, and the thing is -- what is interesting to now people say to me what would your dad think about bump bump, or bump? and it's like i can't answer that question. >> stephanie: yeah. my dad died in '83 and i can say what i feel as a daughter in my heart about the kind of man he was and what he would think, but you are right, that has been a long time i can't say what he would think. >> yeah, and there is so much material we can still watch, and it is still fresh so you can say go to this or that -- >> stephanie: i think we can extrapolate he would think paul ryan is a douche bag.

>> i think that's a safe bet. >> stephanie: okay. dave in illinois. >> caller: yes stephanie and kelly thank you for taking my call. wanted to point out his bit that he did on global warming. he basically said the arrogance of man to think that they have any effect on this worth and that any time the earth wants to all it has to do is just shrug its shoulder and takes care of all of man's problems. i think that is very insightful. >> and i want to kind of steer you clear a little bit there. my dad was talking about environmentalists. he wasn't talking about global warming. he was talk about the arrogance of people wanting to try to change the direction of things.