[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: okay. hello current tv land. well weekenders were in here again and now i can't talk to jacki schechner. all right. guess what though. good news is jim i won $17.50 at the racetrack yesterday. >> yea! >> stephanie: yes, i did! [ applause ] i was playing the ponies. you that will almost cover -- >> you don't strike me as a pony player. >> stephanie: never in my life. i was invited santa anita.

i got to go with steven stills and got a picture taken with me and steven stills on a horse. i sent it to my friend and labeled it crosby, stills, nag and not so young. we can put it on the web site. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] later. all right the rude pundit, eric boehlert -- and julia sweeney on the big show today. hopefully we'll be able to actually talk to jacki at some point. in the meantime, here she is in the news center. >> good morning, everybody. today is the 135th annual white house easter egg roll. more than 30,000 people from all 50 states and d.c. got tickets to the event. the day's activities got underway bright and early this morning. you're watching a live feed from the white house. you can follow this online at whitehouse.gov. the president and first lady are scheduled to speak at 10:30 eastern. celebrities participating are danica patrick elmo, and jordin

sparks. >> to head off complaints about taxpayer money funding today's activities, the white house is putting out via social media that is donations that fund the event. a new gallup poll shows americans are frustrated with the republican party and the most common criticism is the g.o.p. is too inflexible and unwilling to compromise. 21% of adults cited this as their top complaint including 26% of republicans. democrats less critical of their own party. when asked to name something they didn't like, more than half said there wasn't anything where they had no opinion. the most common complaint was that democrats had too much spending but only 10% of democrats had that issue with their own party. and hillary clinton is now scheduled to give her first paid speech since leaving her post as secretary of state. she's on the agenda to appear on the 24th of april in dallas at the national multihousing council. she, however is already giving

on paid speeches including two this week, one in new york and one in d.c. we're back after the break. stay with us. you know who is coming on to me now? you know the kind of guys that do reverse mortgage commercials? those types are coming on to me all the time now. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. you would rather deal with ahmadinejad than me. >>absolutely. >> and so would mitt romney. (vo) she's joy behar. >>and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? a closer shave in a single stroke for less irritation, even on sensitive skin. ♪ ♪ gillette mach3 sensitive. gillette. the best a man can get.

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>> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's "the stephanie miller show." ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey, all right now ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: okay. it is "the stephanie miller show." come on, turn that frown upside down, mister! [ applause ] i'm playing the ponies now. i was playing the ponies

yesterday on easter. >> how much did you win? >> stephanie: $17.50. >> that's before taxes. >> stephanie: what? >> you don't pay taxes on something that low. >> puppies wearing rabbit ears for easter. >> stephanie: you're not a bunny. okay. wow! i've had entirely too much debauchery this weekend and not enough show prep. but that's all right. >> not nearly enough sobriety. [ laughter ] >> stephanie: a little easter parade. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number. stephaniemiller.com. you know it takes me awhile to figure out how to get the pictures out of my phone and then you have to show me again. >> you can so easily do it. >> stephanie: right. we'll put them on the facebook thing. this was -- i had kind of a surreal easter weekend. easter was yesterday right? and i was playing the ponies at santa anita. >> you were probably in a luxury

box, weren't you? you weren't amongst the hoy poi. >> stephanie: he actually drove. we were all in the car. traffic is bad. so i wanted to make a sign that says it is steven stills, bitches, move! get out of the way. >> that would work. >> stephanie: he's hilarious. i've never gone. he and my friend, rob they're aficionados of the ponies so it was my first and only bet and i won $17.50. i was very very excited. because you remember my gambling career ended before i lost a quarter in a slot machine in vegas. >> i lost an entire bucket of quarters. >> did you actually read the racing form to see which one you thought might -- >> stephanie: no. >> you just guessed. >> stephanie: yeah, beginner's luck. >> yeah, i wouldn't want to go watch the ponies because i'm afraid the pony would break its leg. which means i shouldn't watch basketball. >> stephanie: my favorite part is there is a carriage --

horse -- there are a lot of horses there but there are also horses that draw a carriage with a guy with a top hat and a horn or whatever. there is a little dog that sits in the carriage that goes around the thing. the dog -- all right. it is not as cute as the dog with the bunny ears. just saying -- anyway, i did take a picture that we'll post that i was able to label crosby stills, nag and not so young. it was me, steven and the horse. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> stephanie: all right. >> crosby wasn't there though. >> stephanie: no. it wasn't technically correct. just go with me! >> i'm trying. >> stephanie: it's not a bad joke. >> i'm no-no mood for -- i'm in no mood for april fools shenanigans this morning. >> we're in north korea. april fools. >> we're sending the bombers over there. >> f-22s. >> we hope it's not raining

then. >> stephanie: all right. >> bringing a crowd of rain on your airplanes. >> stephanie: we've resurrected kim jong-un. >> stephanie: we assume he sounds exactly the same. >> he's the unkim. >> shut up. you're embarrassing me. >> stephanie: okay. >> have to call it a type -- >> stephanie: we think he sounds like a guy from santa cruz. that's what we think. >> i'll just pop him. >> stephanie: speaking of frank, turns out the people at the work -- what's it called, the counter, the betting windows, those things, sure, they're fans. they were like oh, you're phil hendry, right? >> they're funny fans. >> stephanie: i was like shut up! give me my winnings! >> i was recognized in the waiting area of a coffee shop in palm springs this weekend. >> stephanie: look at you.

>> i know. >> stephanie: you're that big muscle head guy from -- >> he came up to me and said chris, i'm happy to meet you. i'm christian but i've come over after listening to you. >> thank you, thank you. >> stephanie: you atheist communist! >> i know. >> stephanie: most people find you -- you made him lose jesus. i hope you're happy. >> i think he meant he was conservative but then came over to the liberal -- he's still christian. >> he didn't lose jesus under the cushions of his couch. >> after being conservative christian. >> stephanie: it is always -- he's always in that drawer in the kitchen. >> roll away the cushion. there he is. >> the junk drawer. >> stephanie: so -- >> the one that you keep the clothe pins and the twisties in. >> and the wine bottle stoppers. >> go ahead. >> stephanie: speaking of jesus, could you take out your organ for me? here's the other -- tell me this was not the weirdest weekend ever. that was yesterday, the playing the ponies.

so friday, i went with hot brie, melissa fitzgerald from you know, my truffle with jacki schechner, we went to the stations of the cross downtown. have you ever heard of this? >> no. well, i've heard of the stations of the cross. >> there's one downtown? >> stephanie: they reenact it and you follow them around and martin sheen was there in a crossing guard vest. it was a little surreal but it was beautiful. >> don't you usually do this in jerusalem? >> downtown l.a. will do. >> ya know, same thing. >> stephanie: even on orbitz, you can't get a ticket to jerusalem during holy week! it is going to be expensive. so they reenact the scenes of the cross and you follow them around from station to station. right. they run a catholic -- like a soup kitchen called the hippie kitchen. it is fabulous. they do literally, the lord's work. that's what i did. >> good for you. >> stephanie: i wore my uniform, my catholic school uniform.

>> sure you did. >> she didn't have the hot kind. >> the dowdy kind. >> okay. >> stephanie: battle of the hems. she kept putting them down then you roll up the top gets shorter so you look like a tart. >> jim, i have news for you. you only find the hot kind in strip clubs. >> stephanie: or porn movies. actual catholic school, not so hot. >> sorry. >> stephanie: they're like jumpers. i told you the story, i got in trouble once from the nuns because they said my shirts were not regulation catholic. they were too clingy or something. >> these look lutheran to me! >> what are you doing? [ laughter ] >> stephanie: it was kind of hilarious because my breasts then were like concave. i don't know what they thought it was showing off. showing off my concave chests. you know pope frank, the new

pope frank is -- i like that. he's causing quite the hubbub, apparently among pope watchers. is that what people call -- i don't know. something. >> catholics. >> has there ever been a pope seth? >> stephanie: i don't know. pope francis won over many hopes and minds with serving the world's poorest. what? that's crazy. [ cuckoo clock chimes ] >> stephanie: he's doing stuff that jesus talked about which is really throwing them off and the whole people watcher world. but he's devastated traditionalist catholics who adore popes benedict for restoring the pomp to the papacy. francis' decision to disregard church law and watch the feet of two girls -- [ buzzer ] >> hang on. >> were they in catholic school outfits? [ laughter ] >> the slutty kind? >> stephanie: two girls

serbian muslim and an italian catholic has become something of the final straw. evidence that francis has little or no interest in one of the key priorities reviving the second traditions of the catholic church. can i just say one other thing for a church that's really anti-gay, this stuff is to gay. >> kinda. >> stephanie: they're upset he's not doing the really gay stuff. the night he was chosen pope, francis emerged from st. peter's bal is ca without the red velvet cape used by popes past for official duties. >> and used by liberace on several occasions. >> stephanie: they were upset he did not wear the liberace gown. >> i wish my brother george was here. >> stephanie: instead, he wore the symbol white catholic of the papacy. isn't it amazing i pronounced any of these words correctly? >> pull up your socks.

>> stephanie: joan rivers and melissa were outraged. francis revived the cardinals pledges of obedience after his election not from the chair. you know, the -- he usually does the bette midler entrance in the sedan chair. he didn't do that. [ buzzer ] >> he just walked? >> stephanie: right. he was at the same level of the other -- >> i like that. he's a poach the people. >> stephanie: for traditionalists who recall the days when popes were carried on a sedan chair like bette midler or gaga -- >> or madeline khan. most famously, madeline khan. >> stephanie: same foot at the same time [ bleep ] >> none of them have ever been pope strangely enough. >> stephanie: that may have stung. in the days since he's called for intensified dialogue with islam. a gesture that runs traditionalists the wrong way again. >> they can go -- whatever. >> stephanie: watching the feet of the two women he jolted

traditionalists who say the tradition is for men only. >> they should try to get away from that. >> stephanie: right. perhaps. [ applause ] a little post-easter roundup of what pope watchers are feeling. >> and islam is the youngest of the abrahamic religion so it makes sense for him to reach out. >> stephanie: he's not poping correctly according to the traditionalists. >> oh, god. >> he's not popey enough. >> stephanie: no. he needs to be popier. i'm pretty sure that most of that entire thing was sacrilegious and we apologize. 17 minutes after the hour. we got rude pundit coming up, we've got eric boehlert, julia sweeney who is hilarious. if it's not one thing, it's your mother. her new book. we'll talk to herr, much more as we continue on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: call the political party line now, 1-800-steph-12. >> i bet we all can think of something.

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>> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ >> stephanie: not sound bytes. four minutes. >> thank you. >> stephanie: make a note of it. 23 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12. rude pundit coming up at the bottom of the hour. hi, the zoot from albuquerque.

>> can you understand me over my cheap ass phone? >> sounds pretty good. >> caller: i never thanked you for my 15 second of fap fame. i sent in bob dylan singing rolling sack of crap. you were talking about the new pope's concern for the poor and i gotta admit i'm a little worried. who was the pope before john paul, pope george ringo right? kind of conspiracy snausage for jim, weren't there some theories about how innocently that pope was -- passed away so quickly? >> yes. going against the grain. that he was poisoned. >> stephanie: a lot of da vinci code stuff in there. >> caller: wealthy, powerful interests. just thought i would point it out. >> stephanie: thank you, zoot. i was trying to get to his zoot

suit joke. >> it means darn. in french. >> stephanie: all right. ♪ >> that who song. >> stephanie: welcome back to straight talk. >> add theatre. >> squirrel! >> ooh! >> stephanie: so shockingly, there is some outrage over what don young representative don young, republican of alaska has to say. by the way how is that rnc autopsy going? are they softening their image in the hispanic community? >> not with a-holes like this saying stuff like this. >> my father had a ranch. we used to hire 50 to 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes. it takes two people to pick the

same tomatoes now. it is all done by machine. >> well, you know, he grew up in an era when that was okay. >> he lives in an era now where that's not okay. >> stephanie: inside voice. right. i love that he just kept going that there was nothing wrong with that. my landlady in new york, like that. >> playing basketball at the -- >> stephanie: when my friend and i stopped by. plays basketball with the "n" words. i was like okay? you do play basketball with the "n" words. >> what did i say? >> stephanie: she wasn't even sure which part of it was wrong. okay. so ironically, there is outrage but not from tea party hispanics. maintaining radio silence on that whole thing. abc news reporting pressure is intense after don young's racial slur. we just played the clip.

first and what many thought was far from an apology he meant no disrespect to many oversensitive wetbacks. [ buzzer ] what? what did i say? many thought that was far from an apology. he never used actually the word sorry or apology so after a dave getting beaten up by his own party, he made a full mea culpa. what's missing now though is the g.o.p. hispanic republican comment especially from marco rubio, marco rubio -- i was looking for crickets. i can't find them now. there they are. [ crickets chirping ] marco? >> i love this. his staff said he was observing good friday and would have no comment. [ crickets chirping ] that means you can have no comment? >> sure. >> he's cuban. maybe he doesn't care about the mexican immigrants. >> stephanie: oh right. >> the cuban immigrants are not -- >> they don't cross the rio grande. >> yes.

>> that's where the name -- >> stephanie: different kind of wet. he doesn't care about. entirely different kind of water. so right. senator ted cruz of texas nothing. [ crickets chirping ] senator raul labrador, am i saying that right? from idaho did not answer repeated phone calls or e-mails. interesting. they were no encasa. >> douchebag. >> stephanie: i think just like that. meanwhile, senator jeff flake talking about immigration reform. of the great state of arizona. >> where we've still got a ways to go in terms of looking at the language and making sure that it's everything we thought it would be but we're closer, certainly. >> all right. >> stephanie: well, you were until don young opened his big yap. senator chuck schumer. >> people will be legalized, in other words not citizens but they will be allowed to work, come out of the shadows travel.

>> it sounds like they're making real progress on immigration reform. >> stephanie: that's what i said before. who cares why republicans are doing the right thing as long as they're doing the right thing. >> with the agreement between business and labor every major policy issue has been resolved. now everyone, we've all agreed we're not going to come to a final agreement until we see draft legislative language and we agree on that. >> stephanie: finally well-known southern bell, lindsey graham. >> from his fainting couch. >> oh, my stars. >> as to the 11 million they'll have a pathway to citizenship but it will be earned it will be long and it will be hard and i think is fair. >> really? [ buzzer ] >> really! >> stephanie: do not isolate just that sound of the -- that part of the sound byte. that would be rude and immature. 29 minutes after the hour. speaking of rude, rude pundit next on "the stephanie miller show."

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>> announcer: stephanie miller. >> i also want to thank you for control yourself sexually while we spend time together on this adventure. >> stephanie: all right. it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 34 minutes after the hour. i'm sorry, what was that senator graham? >> it will be long and it will be hard. >> that's rude. >> stephanie: what? you're right. ♪ the rude pundit ♪ ♪ ooh papa, papa who ♪

>> it will be long and it will be hard. >> stephanie: yes but we'll get through this rude pundit segment. >> thank you for the flashback to my creepy uncle! [ laughter ] >> stephanie: sorry about that. so rudeness, great stuff on the supreme court doings last week. >> well, thank you. >> stephanie: actually, you write the supreme court hearing on the challenge of doma, in particular, you say a couple of the justices seem shocked just shocked that members of congress who voted for it might have been anti-gay bigots. you go through the quotes of what people said back then. it absolutely was based on nothing but bigotry. >> totally. especially in the house. in the senate, there was a little more decorum which means more a little more coated language. but in the house this certainly wasn't even close to all of the homophobic remarks that were in the house of representatives. but it was just a parade of people that were just letting it fly.

everything short of just, you know, flat out declaring war on gays and lesbians. >> stephanie: you were talking about the moment -- i love that that were audible gasps when justice kagan read the actual thing. it was kind of hilarious because you said when she -- she read the actual report on doma, she said congress decided to reflect and honor the collective disapproval of judgment. she then asked is that what happened in '96. you were talking about the lawyer paul clement fumbled around and side stepped the question. that's the whole question. >> right exactly. and it is ludicrous to even suggest that there was anything to this. as if there was some kind of rationality in let's let the states decide whether or not gays and lesbians should have equal protection under the law. so it was great. kagan showed clement -- he had nothing to answer to.

>> stephanie: you actually highlighted some of the best ones. he was a representative at the same time, tom coburn of oklahoma who is now, of course, a senator. the fact is no society has lived through the transition to homosexuality and the perversion which it lives and what it brought forth. what? >> yeah. i mean he was great. he was like why are we -- we hear about diversity but we do not hear about perversity going all don king on us there. >> stephanie: and here's one of my favorites. texas representative steve stockman who is still in the house. a union between two men or two women is no more a marriage than a union between a man and his car and a cat and its yarn. >> here's the thing. a c.a.p. cat and its yarn. a cat is opposed to its yarn. it is batting it all over the place. spousal abuse charges there. >> stephanie: yes. >> no one believes the yarn. >> stephanie: no. the yarn -- they're liars. well-known liars.

>> please -- never mind. there was a joke there i just can't make. >> stephanie: all right. moving on to the gay marriage debate, you say it didn't seem like the justices were trying to figure out a win overall. but you made the same point a lot of legal analysts made, if you look back at obamacare maybe not right? >> right. that's the thing. everybody was predicting that obamacare was doomed because of the argument that the supreme court and any of jeffrey toobin perhaps most famously predicting it was going to be struck down. and then the shock of it -- of the decision making process showing something completely different. and that possibly even minds were changed in the discussions between the justices. >> stephanie: you told yarn about a fish. a lot of analogies in your piece this week. but i mean, you were talking about -- you know, how they're handling it. it may the way you said look at

john roberts on obamacare he played with the fish until the scales were falling off and all of the predictions were wrong. >> the idea being -- i did not intend the blog to be so cat centric this week but that the justices when they're deliberating and asking questions during the hearings, they're like a cat that's just sort of batting around a fish that just got caught on a dock. look how high it jumps. that's interesting. that's scalia constantly. and then, you know, actually kind of fun also sotomayor who is just seeing what can happen. what buttons can be pressed. but so we don't know. there are all kinds of tea leaves we can read. but ultimately, we're shocked all the time. and it does seem that kennedy especially being that swing vote is the one that's sitting there going yeah, but there is a

moral component here. it is not just about whether or not states have the right to make these decisions. >> stephanie: right. and also, you were saying the hopeful thing is bringing up the children, the 40,000 children of gays and lesbians, right? >> right. that he's the only one that actually at some point shifted it back during the prop 8 discussion. to this sort of central moral question. of what are we -- aren't we going to do damage to the people of -- to these 40,000 children if prop 8 stands. >> stephanie: exactly. did you some good old-fashioned research this week, didn't you sir? >> i did. i was lexis nexising my pants off. >> stephanie: obviously the -- >> interracial marriage. >> stephanie: the lawyer defending the state's law that made it a felony for whites and blacks to marry. you talk about literally it is the exact arguments that they're making now.

almost verbatim in some cases right? >> yeah. the assistant attorney general of virginia in the case, rd mcelwain said that he was defending the law. the thing that i didn't know about the law until i started doing research, it was only a felony for whites and blacks to marry. somebody who was asian could marry whoever the hell he or she wanted to as long as it was somebody from the opposite sex. any other race could marry any other race. it was specifically whites and blacks. >> stephanie: you were talking about, you know, that he brought out the science book he read by a professor. this is like literally someone citing conservapedia. >> this was an actual -- this is actually -- this was a real book. >> stephanie: right, no, i know. he said i do not say the author of this book would advocate the prohibition of such marriages by law but he personally and clearly expresses his view as a social scientist that interracial marriage is

undesirable. they hold no promise for a bright and happy future for mankind. yikes. >> i just love that. he said interracial marriages bequeath to the progeny of the marriages, more psychological problems that parents have a right to bequeath to them. whatever problems there were all i could think was well, yeah, because of douchebags like you that are making it so hard for them! >> stephanie: you're right. you say if there were any difficulties with children of interracial parents at the time, it was because society around them was filled with racist a-holes who wouldn't let them live their lives. one of the thing that ended it was the loving decision. >> that was a unanimous decision, you know. from the left and the right. the justices said well, yeah, we're not idiots. this is a stupid law that obviously denies people their rights. >> stephanie: and your final post they're losing their minds

again, gay marriage, scotus edition. look up some of the ways -- you decided to look up some of the ways in which the right wing is freaking out over the possibility that one of their last brutus legal prejudices might be combined to the [ bleep ] pile of history. instead of searching gay marriage you googled homosexual marriage. >> that's right. because you see, most of the time on the right just like they say democrat as an adjective, they say homosexual marriage because then it's got the word "sex" in it. all of the icky ways of which mouths are used during nonstraight sex. >> it sounds more clinical. like you're talking about -- not people but just things. >> stephanie: lives together. what your naughty bits are doing. >> exactly. so that's their messaging. that's like an approved thing. >> stephanie: you talk about

eric erickson's piece. he makes the argument that individual rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, to do with gays getting married are icky. >> he has been freaking the f out over this. he has been talking about that you know, why would you let your neighbor go to hell. tweeting things like that. that you're not a good neighbor if you let your neighbor do things that are going to get -- let them go to hell. >> stephanie: wow. >> he's been going -- i think cnn was holding him back. >> stephanie: if your neighbors are gay, you should be knocking on the door. >> you cut that gay out! >> stephanie: wow. >> i'm sorry. the shrubs here are just really really freaking me out. >> stephanie: yeah. i only see penises everywhere. it must be because you're gay! [ laughter ] s. >> stephanie: this fight for marriage equality in the words of senator lindsey graham, you know what, it's going to be --

it will be long and it will be hard. >> oh! >> stephanie: i learn something new from you every week. i did not realize the family research council's motto is let's see man we're [^bleep^] bleep when the old people who hate queers die. is this emblazoned on their letter head? >> it is. it is what you get every time you donate to them. thank you. are you under 70? >> i'm 69 3/4. >> that makes you a youngster when it comes to the family research council and fox news's demographic. you're a skate punk if you're just 69 years old. >> stephanie: rudeness, great stuff as always. talk to you next week. there he goes. we're all busy but you know what -- why am i talking over me again? i hate when i interrupt me. 45 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> it's not radio. it's "the stephanie miller show."

this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern

i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us.

♪ sometimes, all i need is the air that i breathe and to love ♪ >> stephanie miller. >> stephanie: this hour of "the stephanie miller show" brought to you by therabreath lozenges. they help stop uncomfortable dry mouth fast and toothpaste and the mouthwash spectacular. toothpaste and the lozenges and mouthwash available at walmart

walgreens and other fine stores. eric boehlert from media matters coming up at the top of the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number. roman in chicago. you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi roman. >> hi, stephanie. can i be the official malcontent of "the stephanie miller show"? >> we needed one. >> caller: excellent. i just wanted to make a point about doma. first, to what republicans always say with regard to if you do this, it is a slippery slope because people can start to marry turtles. >> stephanie: elaine chou already did that. >> caller: marriage is a contract. any party with a legal capacity should be able to make one with whomever they wish. with regard to doma though, i wanted to say it is clearly motivated by animus and the reason being if you want to defend marriage, you don't prohibit people from being married. if you want to defend marriage, ban divorce.

it is an insinuated issue -- i think it is dying. with regard to prop 8 this state -- for republicans to say this is a state issue fails to read the 14th amendment. the 14th amendment which provides equal protection is designed to prevent states from denying protection. specifically to protect people from states. >> stephanie: in the words of the immortal bill o'reilly, that's all they've got is -- it is amazing how selective they are. i read more bible quotes since catholic school. they were talking about what he just referenced about no divorce. jesus clearly says that, except for sexual immorality, a man shall not divorce his wife. what about give up all of your possessions, there are a lot of things that nobody would dream of doing that is in the bible. ed in philly, you're on "the stephanie miller show". >> caller: how is it going? >> stephanie: good. >> caller: the reason i'm calling is the whole thing about the immigration is a total joke.

i mean it could be fixed today literally. everybody who signs up for a new job has to have a social security number. to put on their w-2 form and if you have a national registry and know this is big government and all of this other stuff so ed from philly, sign up for a job in missouri and you have a registry there you go hmm maybe something is wrong here. keep the employers so they're only employs people who are legal then -- the wall down in texas goes to pot too. the only people we hurt are the prison guards and the immigration people. this is real simple to fix. >> stephanie: that's the thing. there is a legal employer problem and people -- a lot of times have looked the other way at that. >> stephanie: what was i going to say? you know, by the way, there are

so many shootings, i know it is hard to keep track of -- obviously in texas. the d.a. killing. out here in california, interesting, just this whole debate last week about supreme court. a 16-year-old boy accused of shooting a classmate at the california high school wrote a story and posted it online about a bullied student who kills his former tormenters as an adult. brian oliver describes torturing other morbid means. friends of oliver say he was teased by classmates for his red hair and on or about awkwardness. we've been making that analogy for whatever the perception is, they're different, they're gay have red hair, historically being left-handed. >> absolutely. >> stephanie: the story was posted online last summer and features a character bullied by his peers doused them with a bucket of goat's blood. >> this is carrie. >> he didn't have telekinesis. >> stephanie: years later he killed the student who tipped

the bucket. kids these days have access to these kind of firearms. all right. senator lindsey graham, by the way, he has said that he will -- he will not -- he won't join gun background check filibuster if amendments are allowed. >> before you would expand the background check, there are 76,000 people last year failed a background check and less than 1% got prosecuted. there are 9,000 people in 2010 failed a background check who are felons on the run and none of them were prosecuted. so before you expand background checks include private individuals, let's put resources into the current system we have that's clearly broken. >> doing that will be long and hard. >> stephanie: yes that will be long and hard. he said he will not join his republican colleagues -- >> it will be long and it will be hard. >> stephanie: right. he will not join his colleagues in filibustering a motion to proceed to debate on gun legislation. rand paul, ted cruz, they announced in a letter last week,

they opposed any legislation that will serve as a vehicle for gun restrictions. oi. two more senators, rubio and james inhofe have since joined them. but graham told cnn's candy crowley he supports an open process. that will be long and hard. >> in a related story utah gun lobbyist fell akin to a robbery when his ar-15 was stolen from his car. >> great. >> stephanie: okay. all right. by the by, so the right wing is freaking out over this jim carey carey -- jim carrey video. >> he plays charlton heston. >> he does. >> stephanie: dana perino on red eye, they had to bleep her. that little potty mouth. >> in jim carrey's case, it doesn't make him a hypocrite. it makes him a [ bleep ]

>> dana perino -- here's my biggest problem with it. he goes after somebody who can't defend himself. he goes after charlton heston who passed away. and it doesn't make any sense. do you think any of his fans knows that charlton heston one all of the great movies he did and he was the president of the nra for five years. they don't know that. he's basically making fun of somebody who can't defend himself. if he would have gone after somebody like hmm -- >> ted nugent -- >> right. >> because he's a scared little -- >> yes. >> stephanie: wow. >> that was greg gutfeld. >> stephanie: [ bleep ] the word she used several times. now he should come back and do one on what's his name, ted nugent. i'm sure he'll get to that, too. >> absolutely. >> stephanie: by the by, just in case you're thinking that is the republican party still more racist.

not necessarily. homophobic as well. rnc committeeman from michigan pushing back against calls from his resignation after making comments about gays and lesbians. he said the hoax mow sexual lifestyle is filthy. it will reduce your life-span. >> he would know this how? >> he's been reading god hates. >> stephanie: he's been reading statistics that says gays are responsible for over half of suicides and 60% of all -- >> a million percent of all venereal disease and murder is because of gays. >> stephanie: right. he said he has no plans to resign. he said if the party doesn't stand on its principle we'll lose our base. our homophobic base is what he means. [ applause ] >> does he know how many closeted gays there are in the republican party? >> stephanie: nothing about chlamydia in here interestingly. >> chlamydia? >> stephanie: no. 58 minutes after the hour. back with eric boehlert next on "the stephanie miller show."

[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: all right. hello current tv land. hour number two. eric boehlert coming up. jacki schechner. good morning. can you hear me now? >> stephanie: yes, i can! somebody sent me the funniest easter -- two chocolate easter bunnies and one says happy easter and the other one says what? because somebody already ate his head off. >> did he eat the whole head or just the ears? >> just the ears. >> stephanie: actually, no, i think it was the whole head. >> how can he say what?

because he doesn't have a mouth. >> stephanie: okay. let's just go with they only ate the ears. the attention to detail around here is just irritating. >> it is just logic. >> stephanie: exactly. let's go with that. in the meantime, here is jacki schechner in the current news center with both ears and a mouth. >> good morning everybody! multiple sources including cnn and "the washington post" now reporting that care line kennedy has been asked to be the u.s. ambassador to japan and is being vetted for the job. in addition to being president john f. kennedy's daughter, she was a top surrogate for president obama in 2008 and a top fund-raiser for him in 2012. former south carolina governor mark sanford may be back in the running for real tomorrow as he faces a runoff for the republican nomination to represent the first congressional district in south carolina. sanford got 37% of the vote but he needs 50% to avoid a runoff for the republican nomination. tomorrow, he's up against former

charleston county councilman curtis bossic. he could pull off an upset because he has strong tea party support and evangelical support but sanford's name reckonognition are giving him the advantage overall in the polls. whoever wins tomorrow will go up against elizabeth culvert bush, the sister of stephen colbert and that final special election will be on may 7th. the national rifle association, which has been fighting hard against any new gun control legislation, will unveil its solution to rising violence tomorrow. the nra's plan for safer schools advocates changing state and local laws that allow for armed guards on public campuses. called the national school shield program, the proposal also makes legislative recommendations to congress. vice president biden has made it clear that he does not think arming teachers is the right way to go. but in a conference call with supporters last week, biden did say it makes sense for schools to have a sworn resource officer

on campus. if the school wants it. and that officer would be unarmed or unarmed depending on the school's preference. we're back with more show after the break. stay with us. guys that do reverse mortgage commercials? those types are coming on to me all the time now. (vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. you would rather deal with ahmadinejad than me. >>absolutely. >> and so would mitt romney. (vo) she's joy behar. >>and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking?

♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ all right now, it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." happy monday. six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. stephaniemiller.com the web site. you can e-mail us all there executive producer, chris

lavoie, voice deity jim ward. you can get one of the magical t-shirts there and you can get tickets. >> hey chicago you say twice isn't enough? >> 15 is my limit. >> the sexy liberal tour is returning to chicago on april 13th. >> with bad attitudes. >> tickets are available at ticketmaster.com. come, see the tour that sparked the number one comedy album and its own tv documentary. >> who can argue with that. >> the sexy liberal comedy tour at the chicago theatre on april 13th. sweet home, chicago is about to get a little more sugar from mama. >> stephanie: thank you, thank you, hurry hurry! it is monday. you know what that means everybody. [ applause ] that means it's time for me to -- >> eric boehlert from media matters doing the lord's work as usual. >> eric boehlert. ♪ hurts so good ♪ ♪ come on baby ♪ >> eric boehlert. ♪ hurts so good ♪ >> stephanie: let's dive into

the right-wing world. >> i don't know what that means. >> stephanie: eric boehlert from media matters who we love. good morning, eric boehlert. loving the tweets as usual. some people like peeps over easter weekend. i'll stick to my tweets from eric boehlert. we were talking about, it is amazing, jim carrey is freaking the right wing out with a comedy video, right? >> yeah, you he, no he did -- it was a little sproof on gun ownership and charlton heston in particular and so the folks at fox went crazy. people on fox they spent all week you know, just denouncing him. i think for them, it ties into this -- you know, hollywood hates america things like that. they took is very, very seriously. only people to take jim carrey seriously. it was obviously a comedy bit with a political satire.

jim carrey answered back and called them a colostomy bag bursting at the seams. which i thought was a pretty good description. i hadn't thought of fox news that way. >> stephanie: jim carrey is funny. they still laugh at dennis miller and think victoria jackson is a hoot. it all has to do with politics. that's what they judge it on. >> satire. >> they don't get satire. they don't get comedy and you know, it's interesting that, you know i think -- the rnc report talking about republicans trying to be more inclusive and more tolerant. i think there is some desperate attempt for them to conservatives to be more hip and understanding, how pop culture works. then they freak out over this jim carrey comedy video. i think they're incapable of understanding. good comedy or laughing at themselves or anything along

those lines. >> charlton heston, you damn, dirty ape. >> stephanie: exactly. i love the other complaint is always that liberals are filthy. we just played the dana perino clip. here she is on red eye. >> in jim carrey's case, it doesn't make him a hypocrite. it makes him a [ bleep ] [ bleep ] >> dana perino -- >> here's my biggest problem with it. is that he goes after somebody who can't defend himself. he goes after charlton heston who passed away. and it doesn't even make any sense. does he think any one of his fans that charlton heston won all of the great movies he did and he was the president of the nra. they don't know that. he's making funny of somebody who can't defend himself. he would have gone after somebody like mmm -- >> ted nugent. he's alive. >> he's a scared little -- >> oh, she's so cute when she's wrong.

>> this is the same conservative movement that spent last week attacking and smearing obama's teenage daughter, we're now lecturing jim carrey about it is not fair who he's attacking because charlton heston isn't around to defend himself. let's stop with the lecturing and the hypocrisy. why do they get so freaked out over this comedy video? seriously. >> stephanie: by the way, you were talking about the -- the obama's daughters. you say by the way turns out iraq war costs equal $4 trillion but let's freak out over the cost of obama's vacations. again, you can look at just days on vacation and george bush, by far, outweighs any other president, right? >> george bush, i think spent the equivalent of three years away from the white house mostly at the ranch. look, you know, it started because a week ago today breitbart published where the daughters were vacationing.

long tradition, the news outlets do not disclose that kind of information. it is not that tough to find it out. you're not going to win a pulitzer especially with social media and people taking twitter photos. they pretended they had a big scoop. it is not a big scoop. it is common decency. so then they defended it saying where they were vacationing was vital news interest because of sequester or so then they drop the part where it was important where they were because no one bought it. so then this all became about taxpayer money and all of this stuff. ignoring the fact that the obamas paid for their kids' vacation and all of this stuff. so then it became a let's count the pennies on the behalf of taxpayers and same people who to this day, will not acknowledge the $4 trillion mistake in iraq. so, you know, there's no basis for them to stand up and talk about any of this stuff.

and i find, you know, as i kept tweeting all week, the grown men at breitbart obsessing over obama's teenage daughters vacation is just shameless and kind of creepy and just weird for a so-called news organization. >> stephanie: yep. and once again the word "unprecedented," i don't remember any president's kids ever being covered like that, do you? >> no. they say oh, the bush daughters liberals hated the bush daughters and wrote about them. no, they were in the news a couple of times. couple of embarrassing incidents. i believe they may have been arrested. that was news. but this idea that people were sniffing around trying to find out where they were going on vacation and publishing it then calling it an exclusive and then claiming their whereabouts nonofficial events was vital news. nobody did any of that stuff.

that's not what people are interested in. liberals have much bigger problems to fight from the bush years like the destruction of the economy. >> stephanie: so, by the way we've been talking about the gun debate. interesting about them freaking out over a comedy video that jim carrey did on the subject. you say stay classy, men with loaded assault rifles intimidate mom gathered at gun safety rally. >> yeah, that was in indianapolis where they have open permit carry and it was -- i believe there was 100 events that day around the country trying to get congress to move on this background checks and some sort of gun control. you know, and reminiscent of the tea party rallies, you know, some of these right wing folks showed up with their assault weapons strapped to their chests. and it was an interesting piece.

local fox news in indianapolis did a report on it. but they never showed the -- these assault weapons draped off these guys. when they did their local news report, it was only from the shoulders up. and the whole point is the shocking image of these guys surrounding these mobs -- these moms with their assault rifles. and the point was to intimidate them and it probably worked because some of the organizers said they were going to think about doing it again. they're bringing these children to the event. >> they were ar-15s, the very guns used at newtown. >> that's right. that's the state of our gun debate in america. >> stephanie: exactly. you wrote a great piece as usual. alarmed by g.o.p.'s tarnished image, conservatives won't call out fox news by name. you make the good point mostly because they're busy getting jobs there. >> they fight. >> stephanie: they refuse to state the obvious. fox news is what's hurting the republican party right? >> and again we go back to the

rnc report talking about the messaging, has to be changed. the tone of the messaging has to be changed. we have to be seen as more tolerant. we can't be seen as just obama bashing. what does that describe? it describes roger ailes' programming model. the rnc report did not mention fox news. eric erickson, you know, when he was at cnn he wrote a column saying the conservatives have gotta get away from this phony outrage. nobody cares about you know, we shouldn't be talking about benghazi every day for six months and things like that. he did this whole column about sort of phony outrage which fox news basically copyrighted. then a week later, he got a job at fox news. so very wise in his career path not to mention fox news. and the most recent reason why i wrote the piece the commentary again saying you know, it's time

to get serious. these caricatures of the right wing, particularly conservative media has created about obama. you know, they're just making his critics look foolish. we've gotta get serious and get substantive. again, who created the caricatures of obama? it was fox news. no mention in the column. so, you know, it is interesting that after the election and this year begins to unfold, republicans and conservatives clearly understand the problem. it is a messaging problem. it is a perception problem. it is an image problem. and they all know the problem revolves around fox news and nobody will say it. >> stephanie: yeah, because they won't be invited on fox news. >> either they're going to get a paycheck or they won't be invited as a guest. i 1999 is the gore -- it is the gorilla. they have -- fox has created or consumed so much power in the

republican party. there's no way right now anyone has enough standing or power to try to call them out. and that's why they're sort of doomed with this model that they've created. >> stephanie: absolutely. eric boehlert, great stuff as always. we'll see you next week, my friend. >> all right bye-bye. >> stephanie: 18 minutes after the hour. right back on "the stephanie miller show." >> pull over. you're dwl driving while laughing. it's "the stephanie miller show." if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor.

>> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the drug war you must be high. >> only on current tv. >> oh, my god!

becky, look at her butt! it is so big. it only -- >> stephanie miller. >> she looks like a total prostitute. ♪ i like big butts and i cannot lie ♪ >> stephanie: 22 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12. toll free from anywhere. actress comedian extraordinaire julia sweeney coming up. phil in boston, you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi phil. >> caller: hi, steph. hi, mooks, what's going on? >> hello. >> caller: i'm going to absolutely have some kind of cerebral hemorrhage if i hear one more republican that signs sensenbrenner's bill back in 2000 -- there was a republican senator from -- or congressman i believe he's a congressman from wisconsin and back in 2005 or yeah, i think it was 2005, he snuck this thing on to one of those emergency war supplementals.

you know, which is how they got so much. horrible legislation through the congress was by tacking it on to war spending bills. that basically neutered the alcohol tobacco and firearms. >> stephanie: then they scream about enforcement and the laws on the books. >> i'm going to lose my mind! i've heard about 40 or 50 republicans since newtown say why do we need new regulation when we're not even enforcing the laws we have on the books. >> stephanie: why aren't we enforcing them? because you made sure we have nobody to run the atf. >> caller: he knows damn well that's what they did. that's why the laws aren't being enforced. it is absolute insanity. >> stephanie: very good point. dave in london, you're on "the stephanie miller show." you mean like london, england? >> yes, good afternoon. it is about 3:30 in the afternoon. >> you're a link to home for many of us living in doma exile.

we love you. >> hooray. >> stephanie: thank you, dey dey -- dave. >> there was a conference with the doma those of us living abroad because our partners can't live in the u.s. even if section three of doma is struck down, many couples like us still won't have federal recognition. marriage is magic. for example here in the u.k., they're called civil partnerships or in germany they're called unions. there is a loophole in the victory because they're not called marriages. it still will not qualify for recognition because it is not called the word "marriage." so when people say why can't you people just be happy with civil unions or domestic partnerships, there is a huge difference. >> stephanie: right away, when someone uses the phrase, you people, you know it is not going to end well for whatever group they're addressing. >> so, it's -- you know, what

we're going to have to do is we'll either have to make an exit trip to the united states to one of the states that has same-sex marriage, massachusetts, iowa, or hopefully, soon, california, and get married again then reply -- apply for immigration spousal green cards or go to a country in europe that has same-sex marriage like the netherlands. but marriage is a word that matters. the word is magic. thanks for everything you guys do. we love you. >> stephanie: thank you, dave. >> cheerio. chip chip. >> stephanie: it is time for tea. >> what's his favorite -- >> it would be time for tea in about half an hour. >> stephanie: right. okay. >> it will be 4:00 then. >> stephanie: senator jeff flake, republican of arizona on "meet the press" had this to say. >> could you support a republican presidential candidate some day who supported

same-sex marriage? >> i think that's inevitable. there will be one and i think he'll receive republican support or she will. so i think that yes, the answer is yes. >> stephanie: that's big news. karl rove said it. he's not an elected official. >> and jeff flake is from arizona. he's very, very conservative. he's mormon. for someone to say something like that -- >> stephanie: he didn't sound happy about it. >> but for someone like that to say something like that is kind of big. >> have to live with it. >> stephanie: like the rush limbaugh clip. said the same thing. because it is the right -- not because it is the right thing to do. we lost it politically and damn, the gays have rights. >> when he meant reference the president, he said he or she which is kind of movement in the right direction. [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] >> stephanie: what is happening? >> they recognize the inevitability of it. they have probably finally realized how many gays there are in the republican party.

>> stephanie: behind closed doors, it is a roomful of don youngs. [ ♪ "jeopardy" theme ♪ ] jim, who said i would like to respond to all of the conservative pundits out there personal he will but i'm far too busy not something to the gun companies. >> ted nugent. >> stephanie: no. jim carrey. [ ♪ "jeopardy" theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: in my opinion, fox news is a last resort for kinda sorta almost journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme views a colostomy bag that should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue. >> kerry noonan, a friend of mine. >> stephanie: no. jim carrey once again. >> i sincerely believe that in time, good people will lose patience with the petty and poisonous behavior of the bullies and fox news will be remembered as nothing more than a culture fart that nothing could cure.

>> harry caray. >> stephanie: jim carrey. boy, he's just poking fox with a sharp stick. >> doink doink doink doink doink. >> get your damn hands off my kids, you damn, dirty ape. >> stephanie: chuck hagel by the way we've been talking about north korea earlier this morning. chuck hagel. >> i don't think we're poking back or responding. the north koreans have to understand that what they're doing is very dangerous. >> yeah. >> stephanie: jim said we may be sending f-22s over. pray for no rain otherwise we're screwed. >> stephanie: there you go. i was going to get to that joke. >> i jumped on you. >> it wasn't a rock. it was north korea. >> i'm trying to participate today. i really am. >> stephanie: poor little feller. you're having a tough day. 29 minutes after the hour.

right back on "the stephanie miller show." compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

>> you may look like a bum but you've got a lot of talent. >> stephanie miller. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." speaking of, actress julia sweeney coming up to talk about her new book, if it's not one thing, it's your mother. 1-800-steph-12 toll free from anywhere. josh in memphis. hey, josh, welcome. >> caller: how you doing miss stephanie? i just thought first off i think we don't need -- dealing with north korea we can't forget we have the opportunity to deal with this guy instead of going into iraq 12 years ago.

not saying temporarily necessarily -- militarily but we had the opportunity to put our influence and power that direction instead of going where there weren't weapons of mass destruction in the first place. >> stephanie: good point. >> as bad as saddam was, we made it worse by putting -- >> stephanie: josh i just read another analysis, what we talked about. the winner is iran. after all of this, after all of this blood and treasure, right? >> caller: absolutely. if this idiot does actually nuke someone or something like that, should we retaliate with nuclear weapons as well? what should be the liberal position on this situation here? this one is kind of different than iraq. >> also, the problem is seoul is very close together. >> they're like 120 miles apart. >> it is like bombing santa barbara and expecting not to get nuked. >> stephanie: santa barbara is beautiful. josh, it is interesting.

there is so much focus on saddam and weapons of mass destruction the fact that he didn't have them and we spent all of that blood and treasure and you're right, ignoring the people that actually do, you raise a really good point. >> caller: absolutely. what do you think we should do about him now? from a liberal side of things? >> stephanie: you know, i don't know if there is a liberal and conservative side of america not wanting to get blown up by nukes. >> short of nuclear attack. we could probably disable their infrastructure so that they can't do anything. maintaining out the missiles when they're on the ground. >> their infrastructure seems precarious anyway. i don't think it would be that hard to do. >> stephanie: there you go. solved. [ applause ] we just solved the whole dilemma. >> when you're riding the pong i don't think subway and you think your life is in danger because you're going to get

electrocuted, then their infrastructure isn't that hard to take out. >> doing a favor to take out their electricity so nobody gets electrocuted. >> stephanie: "daily beast," one of my new favorites. >> michael tomasky. >> stephanie: this is lloyd green. >> oh. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: there had been a lot of autopsies of the rnc autopsy. all equally entertaining. it is almost hilarious. they put this thing on and then on cue he calls illegal immigrants wetbacks. the headline, stuffy old men region, religion, race and class define and buffett the g.o.p. the once republican g.o.p. is starting to look like a blue and red checkerboard. >> thank god you didn't say buffet. because when i first read the story, i thought it said buffet. >> stephanie: no. buffett. >> exactly. >> jimmy buffet.

>> stephanie: given what the republican party is, it is unclear whether the grand ole party can pivot to the center without jeopardizing its evangelical base which is already freaking out over marriage equality and other stuff. electoral competitiveness remains elusive. they have migrated toward the party. shacked with the legacies of iraq. we just talked about. katrina and the crash of 2008 that have led many to review confidences is oxymoronic. the rnc endorsed immigration reform outlined plans foran outreach and gave voters as part of a strategy to make the g.o.p. more welcoming and inclusive. [ ♪ magic wand ♪ ] i think when you have to announce outreach to groups, that right away seems patronizing like they're not. so at best, the party is barely treading water. this is pretty stunning. a recent poll showed both marco rubio and jeb bush trailing hillary clinton by double digits

in florida. >> wow. >> stephanie: what they're saying is putting things in perspective, republicans don't win florida they can't retaining the white house. not looking particularly good. >> love to see a debate between hillary and sarah palin. god, that would be great. it would be great for tina fey and amy poehler as well. >> stephanie: would you like some of the fun facts of the autopsy? >> sure. >> stephanie: it is heavy reading. the rnc -- they're calling it an autopsy. they're pretty much saying their party is dead aren't they? >> yeah. >> the corpse has to be cold before the autopsy to take place, pretty much. >> stephanie: right. the activist base doesn't trust the establishment. younger more inclusion minded set of party operators left on the sidelines of the 2012 cycle don't like the old guard and ignored their warnings. divisions have opened within the legislative caucuses as rand paul and ted cruz have become embroil in spats with veterans like john mccain and lindsey graham. this is going to be long and

hard. don't you think? >> yeah. >> stephanie: it is moss covered elites -- >> it will be long and it will be hard. >> stephanie: right right. >> oh lindsey. >> stephanie: moss covered elites versus wackos. that's what john mccain called the tea party guys. >> all part of the process. famous process of grieving as established by elizabeth kubler ross. would you like to go through it? >> sure. >> can't get enough of that. >> stephanie: denial. they were there. what? everything is fine. everyone treated the bloodless numbers crunching as a red game that needed to be unskewed to see reality. that was during the election, right after the election. they were stunned. in denial. in denial. then they moved to anger. it is not fair that we lost. [ baby crying ] donald trump went on twitter declaring the democratic process to be disgusting injustice and calling for a revolution. remember that? remember his twitter tantrum? ted nugent, i remember that.

remember what he tweeted the day after the election? pimps,er whos and welfare brats have a presence to destroy america. americas you just voted for economical and soulless suicide. >> brian fisher said today was pearl harbor. tomorrow we begin planning for normandy. they're such drama queens. and we were called this. residents from all 50 states have taken to the white house online petition to ask to secede from the united states. >> good luck with that. >> stephanie: yes. the flailing fury found a specific target, karl rove. [ applause ] >> stephanie: why he had that election night meltdown. then we moved into bargaining. did you not study elizabeth kubler ross? we've got a few to go. >> i'm living elizabeth kubler ross. >> stephanie: he's going through some stuff. just be gentle.

bargaining we need to do things, the same things, only differently. right? let's do do this with our hands. no, it is everything. your ideas. all of it. >> stephanie: louisiana governor bobby jindal, he said we've got to stop being the stupid party. they were trying to bargain with us. >> trying to take a sack of manure and tell people it is chocolate and it's not going over. >> stephanie: this critical stance hasn't seemed to provide general insight any whether they were pursuing policies along with the outbursts. pretty much all of it. stupid candidates, stupid ideas. for the most part, however the g.o.p. seems content to stick with the plan in 2012. the party still trying to pass the paul ryan budget which is the paul ryan budget, even worse now. flirting with the taking debt ceiling hostage still maniacally averse to revenues in debt reduction deal, we move on

to depression, there's no hope. >> but they admitted there is really no debt crisis. boner himself -- no debt crisis. just pulled it out of our ass. >> stephanie: this was fun. ann coulter right after the election. we have no takers than makers and it is over. my country that is no longer -- is interested in conservative ideas is interested in handouts which is what mitt romney's post-analysis was. >> why don't you move to canada? >> stephanie: bill o'reilly lamented the white establishment is now the minority. it is not a traditional america anymore. that's not going to go well for his whole war on christmas. [ whatever! ] >> stephanie: white people will not wake up. they're permanently napping apparently. >> this country is the most libertarian first world country in the entire world. you're not going to get more conservative than this country. >> stephanie: we're back to the -- we need to make adjustments. which is what this whole autopsy

thing was about. republican governors talk about improving their state's governments, contrast with national republican receipt which -- rhetoric. chris christie, approval rating in the 70s. accepted medicaid expansion funds. finally, we come to reince priebus. >> reince priebus! >> stephanie: and his autopsy. which frankly -- one foot in acceptance and the other dragging limply across the field of bargaining. >> igor. >> stephanie: exactly. >> it is pronounced eye-gore. >> i can fix that hump with you. >> you must be igor. >> it is pro-nounced eye-gore. s. >> stephanie: there is an urgent call to continue to use state houses as a laboratory and deaf use the -- diffuse the perception that the republicans are the party of the money

class. in the autopsy calls for the g.o.p. to do a better job competing in the celebrity endorsement space. that's the other thing they're going to work on. >> you can get charlton heston -- oh, wait a minute. [ applause ] you could get jim carrey. pretend he is charlton heston. >> stephanie: exactly. good luck with that for the celebrity endorsements. it is hard to top their musical talent. [ applause ] who do they have? oh, charlie daniels was the off-key -- star-spangled banner. >> and meat loaf. >> stephanie: and george bush had --sh be. ♪ you ♪ ♪ got what i need ♪ say he's just a friend ♪ >> stephanie: musically, on the other side, we have everybody else. every talented. >> melissa etheridge.

>> stephanie: steven stills who i was playing the ponies with yesterday. >> hot chicks like aisha tyler. >> stephanie: julia sweeney next on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: i got her number off the men's room stall. 1-800-steph-12. to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern

you've heard stephanie's views. >>no bs, authentic, the real

thing. >>now, let's hear yours at the only online forum with a direct line to stephanie miller. >>the only thing that can save america now: current television. >>join the debate now. >> stephanie miller. ♪ she's a brick house ♪ ♪ she's mighty mighty, just letting it all hang out ♪ ♪ she's a brick house ♪ show the shake it down, shake it down down ♪ >> pictures of michelle obama.

s. >> stephanie: bangs are much better. see, she listened to me. >> kicking off the easter egg roll on the white house lawn today. >> what michelle obama is doing. >> stephanie: i was initially anti-bang. i flip-flopped. they've grown out a little bit. maybe they're growing on me. >> you have them. >> stephanie: i do have them. i didn't initially like them on her. i have them because i'm hiding a lot. she has nothing to hide because she's beautiful. >> she never wears a baseball cap. >> stephanie: my forehead looks like boris karloff. i was playing the ponies with steven stills and david bender and friends yesterday. and so there was -- i personally deleted a bunch of -- because -- wind was blowing and you could see my giant movie screen meg whitman forehead. i was like no, not that one.

>> imax forehead. >> exactly. all right. >> meg whit man. i thought you were talking about meg ryan. >> stephanie: i did win $17.50 at the track. i might be an addict now. i'll be i'm playing the ponies, don't bother me now! [ laughter ] >> stephanie: 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. we're awaiting actress julia sweeney. she's just hilarious with a great new book out. "if it's not one thing, it's your mother." >> you can relate. >> stephanie: yes exactly. meanwhile, yes more shootings in texas. the d.a. was killed. >> this shortly after some other official in the city was killed. >> stephanie: right. the sheriff there. >> the district attorney and his wife, cynthia deceased. both have been shot. >> stephanie: we don't know what this is about yet right? >> they're thinking the two

killings might be linked. someone is trying to kill the officials of the town. >> stephanie: we don't know over what. the sheriff once again. >> we are taking precautions to protect other elected officials. there will be increased security at the courthouse, visible security. >> stephanie: yep. >> shades of that christopher dorner situation. >> stephanie: one more time. sheriff david burns. >> unnerving to the law enforcement community. it is unnerving to the community at large. >> stephanie: uh, yeah. all right. we'll keep you updated on all of that stuff. meanwhile -- [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] this is bad news for us dog owners. police in pennsylvania say a dog left in an unattended vehicle knocked it into gear and the car struck a pedestrian. he will be fine. >> sure but -- >> stephanie: but dogs notoriously bad at stick shift if you're going to let them drive.

that's just silly. okay. meanwhile, this is something. this is something i would do. woman's house burns to the ground after she tries to kill a snake with fire. a texas woman was doing yard work. spotted a snake while cleaning up, she saw a snake, threw gasoline on the snake lit it on fire. the snake went into a brush pile and it caught the home on fire and then the house burned to the ground. so the snake wins this round. >> or maybe you could have opened up the door and let the snake escape. >> stephanie: i would say the snake won that particular round. >> i would say so. even though it is muerto. >> lindsey graham would say it's -- never mind. >> stephanie: with the long, hard -- in a completely unrelated story -- >> it will be long and it will be hard. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> stephanie: that is so immature of you to isolate that particular sound byte. >> you told me to. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ]

>> stephanie: how do you make a better condom, jim? that's the subject of the bill and melinda gates foundation putting up $100,000 to entice someone to try. we're look for a next generation condom that preserves or enhances pleasure. >> one that doesn't feel like it's there. >> stephanie: raincoat in the shower. you people with those parts say. oh here she is. very exciting, our good friend julia sweeney joins us now to talk about her new book. hello, julia sweeney. >> she's going to follow that. >> how are you? >> stephanie: happy to talk to you, too. your new book sounds fabulous, "if it's not one thing it's your mother." described as a unique parenting book because you're a mother. >> yes. it is not -- believe me, it is not an advice book by a long stretch. it is like a series of catastrophes. >> stephanie: more like a bad advice book. >> exactly. don't do anything i did! >> don't drive like my mother.

>> it is about how i decided to become a mom and how i achieved my goal and how i met my husband and moved to the midwest. all about that. >> stephanie: it is actually -- you adopted a little girl and it is kind of hilarious because you talk about you were a single mom. you adopted her from china. one of the things you went through was realizing the sounds you were making was the mandarin phrase for i'm hungry. >> kept saying -- i kept going -- i thought she was going goo goo gaga. you're so cute. and then we were -- >> stephanie: as she was slowly starving. >> the cantonese waitress said she's saying i'm hungry. i'm so very hungry. it was embarrassing. >> stephanie: one assumes you fed her since then. [ laughter ] so you talk about your mother actually gave you a pillow, right? that's where this came from. >> that's where the title came

from. she gave me this pillow. it was embroidered with if it's one thing it's your mother. every time she said it was hysterical, it was less hysterical to me. i really didn't want it. i didn't like it and it wasn't that funny to me and then so i just kind of put it in the closet. when she came to visit, i would put it on the guest room bed then when i adopted my daughter, i realized yes, it was in fact, very funny. and so i put it on my daughter's bed and when i would take people through the house, they would always laugh. then when my daughter was 7 she comes into the kitchen with the pillow and says this is just not that funny. you really have to take this away. >> stephanie: your mom gave it to you the pillow may have been embroidered with my mother is a first class narcissist and all i got out of it was this stupid pillow. >> yes. >> stephanie: the book came from -- you were unexpectedly telling your daughter about the birds and the bees. what was her response? >> well, the whole birds and the

bees thing, it was really an example of me trying to do the right thing and saying that i'm not going to lie and tell the truth about everything as i descend into lies and desperation. because she just keeps asking questions that i don't -- like we go so quickly from the act of sex to how gay people have sex. in intricate ways. like within an hour. >> wow. >> stephanie: she's very technical. >> i don't know. she's saying i have an idea how they do it. she's coming up with ideas that are accurate. and i'm saying yeah, maybe. i don't know. >> stephanie: this is awkward now. >> somebody has been watching skinemax. >> stephanie: the book, thanks honey. >> okay, bye-bye. >> stephanie: i need more time with her. >> i know. >> stephanie: jacki schechner's healthcare corner coming up next as we continue on "the stephanie miller show."

[ ♪ theme ♪ ] >> stephanie: all right. hour number three. current tv land, jacki schechner. >> yes, good morning. >> stephanie: put on your nurse jacki cap because we'll doing a healthcare corner. can mass marketing heal the splits on obamacare. it is time for serious marketing, isn't it? >> we're about three years too late. i mean -- you know, we'll talk more about it. but the time to push positive imagery about healthcare reform

was while we were fighting for it. >> stephanie: i think what a lot of it -- so many people call and have questions for you when we have you on because it is trying to explain something that's fairly complex. >> yeah, it is complex now. it is complex when you make changes to it. we're talking about, you know, something that is 17% of our economy. this is no small task. >> stephanie: we're going to do it in about -- ten minutes? all going to be done when jacki schechner is with us. first, the news. here she is in the current news center with her news cap, jacki schechner. >> good morning, everybody. the white house is getting in on the april fools day thing. just released a video claiming it was a special message from the president and said it was a video featuring robbie novack, the 9-year-old who is known as kid president. there is video of the easter bunny but what we wanted to show you was the video released by the white house. here is novack at the podium in the press briefing room. >> to give the world a reason to dance.

this is why i'm here. peace. >> i think i'm stuck. >> not sure anybody fell for the trick that was going to be the real presidential announcement but it is cute and shows a sense of humor. novack is participating in today's easter egg roll activities at the white house. the president and first lady joined him and the easter bunny to say hello to the crowd of some 30,000 people from all over the country in d.c. who turned up to participate. in other news, a small group of senators working on immigration reform known as the gang of 8 says it has reached a deal at this point. according to two members of the bipartisan gang, it would be republican lindsey graham and democrat chuck schumer. graham has said the two sides have found common ground. schumer saying every major policy issue has been settled. however, marco rubio and jeff flake, two other republicans are less optimistic, claiming we have not yet dotted all of the

is and crossed all of the ts. schumer says that's just semantics. back with more show after the break. (vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current.

>> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, it's "the stephanie miller show." ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ i'm walkin' on sunshine ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ ♪ hey, all right now ♪ ♪ and it's time to feel good ♪ >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. six minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. sexyliberal.com, sexy liberal web site.

you can get this fabulous t-shirt that mama is sporting. this very morning. and tickets to the big sexy liberal palooza in the midwest. we already did our east coast. we do one west coast. that's it this year. the whole thing. so lots of talk about healthcare heating up. ♪ it's schechner again ♪ >> stephanie: good morning jacki schechner. >> good morning. >> stephanie: now you did not join the truffle. you, me and melissa fitzgerald for stations of the cross on friday downtown. >> it was presented to me by melissa as you're not going to want to do this but -- she explained it to me and i said i don't want to do that. >> stephanie: however, i'm trying to o have equality in the truffle. i was not invited to a seder by you -- >> i didn't have a seder. >> stephanie: well find one bring me to the next one. >> i'll get right on that. do i look like i have seders? >> hit up elijah for a ride.

>> i don't even have a toaster to eat my matzo. >> stephanie: the headline this morning because the timing will be crucial. can mass marketing heal the split on obamacare. this is why every time we have -- you're on, a million people call and say can you ask jacki this or that? why first of all does this feel so complex and people are so nervous about it. >> well, first of all, have you ever tried to navigate the health insurance system the way it stands, right? it is complicated as is. what we're trying to do is make changes to a system that's already complicated and somehow teach people that what we're doing is good. and is not going to hurt them because people don't like change inherently. it is hard to move large swaths of people into new initiatives. and then on top of that, you're trying to combat the fears on the other sides. you're trying to -- the misinformation and trying to get people excited about changes that people are inherently skeptical about. it is a heavy lift.

essentially. >> stephanie: as we've talked about, the republicans spent so long fearmongering and trying to repeal it. so now the piece i'm reading this morning says how do you convince millions of average americans one of the most complex programs may be a good deal for them. and that's -- that's going to be key is getting people to understand it, a and b to do it, to enroll. >> i think people are going to have to sign up to see what impact it is going to have on them. that's what it is going to take is people are going to take a look at what they have now and what's available and they're going to decide what the best opportunity is and what the best deal is financially and also in terms of what the benefits offered are. that's what's so complicated about health insurance and the fact that we have such a complicated system is it may look like you have low premiums but when you take a look at the details of your plan, you have thousands of dollars in the deductible. all of that money is coming out of your pocket because even though you pay premiums, their coverage for something doesn't kick in until you've paid a

tremendous amount of money out of pocket. people don't see the details because the insurance companies intentionally hide them or write them in a way that's complicated and hard to understand. the marketing on the insurance side is so complicated that people get stuck and they end up buying a product that isn't very good and ends up being very expensive in the long run. >> stephanie: right. we were talking about, too is the fact we still have an opposition i guess you would call it that still is rooting for the failure. it says republicans are hoping for an obamacare flop that helps them gain control of the senate. you have another side that's actively trying to spread misinformation, right? >> sure. plenty of republicans besides the handful of republican -- excuse me, the republican governors who have decided implement medicaid expansion. you still have plenty of governors in charge in state legislatures who want to see it fail because they think it will be a road to political -- even though it will be bad for their constituent's daily lives. also, keep in mind you have a tremendous amount of money coming from the industrial

complex, the insurance companies, the hospitals the pharmaceutical companies. they're spending a tremendous amount of money helping members of congress message false information and ways to detract from the changes that we're making to try to improvement system because it is not in their best financial interest. so you've still got the lobbyists, the big money the corporations. all tossing money into trying to defeat this even though we're working to implement it. >> stephanie: they just did a study. from one of the problems they're saying is it is like obviously 48 million uninsured they're not a monolithic mass. a study showed six distinctive roots, the healthy and young compromising 48%. the sick, active and worried. 29% of the uninsured the passive and unengaged 15%. you know, when you're trying to do a marketing plan, how do you reach all of those groups? they're saying this particular analysis saying they take good health foregranted. they have low motivation to

enroll. active seekers worry about cost. passive and unengaged lives for today. doesn't understand much about health insurance. the challenge for the administration is to sign up a lot of the young and healthy as well as the unengaged to offset higher costs. >> there is a big marketing challenge in terms to talk to people that resonates with them. that's something that was a challenge during the campaign as well because when you tell people horror stories about the health insurance industry, they don't -- they don't want to be -- they don't want to be scared in that way. the horror stories don't resonate. you have to get people angry and fired up. nobody ever said i'm scared as hell and i'm not going to take it anymore. you have to get people fired up and motivated. the good thing about this and i use "good" in a very modified way is that everybody becomes a different kind of healthcare consumer once they're faced with some sort of healthcare problem and we all do, eventually.

>> stephanie: let's talk about just so people know, what the timeframe is. uninsured americans will be able to sign up for the subsidized private health plans for new insurance markets in their states starting october 1st right? >> right. october is when the online sign-ups will be available. you can comparison shop online and see what's available in your area and what the costs are what the benefits are. what looks best for you. >> stephanie: so then coverage under the law takes effect january 1st. that's the legal requirement most americans carry health insurance goes into force. that's when they have to stop discriminating against people with pre-existing conditions. so yeah, what they're saying is the new law obviously mainly geared to the uninsured people who buy coverage directly from insurance companies, most people that have their insurance through employer plans aren't going to be affected, right? >> right. that's a big thing to keep in mind as we talk about all of this. we're a very large company and 95% of people get their health insurance through work. it is only if you haven't had a job that's offered you health insurance have you really had to

navigate this on your own. when we talk about the people who are active seekers of information, they're usually people who either are self-employed or freelancers or people who are part-time workers who aren't offered insurance through their job. the majority of americans don't understand how difficult the system is because they're employers take care of it for them. they may not pay the full bill but they handle all of the administrative work that comes along with finding a plan and navigating the issues involved with buying health insurance. so i think a lot of people don't understand just how complicated and manipulative the insurance industry can be and that's why it affects the different portions of the population in different ways. >> stephanie: you've said that before about blame the right people. blame the insurance companies because they're the ones -- there was a story last week, remember about insurers will have to pay an average of 32% more for medical claims, blah, blah blah. we talked about the actuary study, all of that stuff, right? >> oh, yes. the idea is the insurance companies are complaining once

they have to take everybody they're going to have to end up paying more because sicker people will be in the pool which will make everything more expensive for them. never mind they make record profits year after year and year and what they could do is spend more money on healthcare as opposed to buying back their own stock and padding their pockets. and inflating their salaries and that sort of thing. but what they're doing now is trying to pass along any of the taxes involved -- taxes on the insurance industry, not taxes on us as individuals but the insurance company, trying to pass along taxes to the consumer. because they don't want to have to take any sort of cut in the money they're generating. >> stephanie: so jan schakowsky rockin' congresswoman from the great state of illinois predicts vindication for obamacare. interesting because you helped go et it enacted in the first place. she said it is harder to sell what is it, pretty new idea for americans while it is still in the abstract. as people experience it, they're going to love it much like medicare. i think it will be a popular feature as far as the american

way of life before too long. do you agree? >> if we make the changes down the line we need to make, i agree. i think it will be rough going at first. i think there are some cost control issues we'll have to work out. i think that farther along we go, the more opportunity we'll have to tweak this in a way that makes it not only good coverage but also cost-effective. it will take some time but it is a heavy lift. again, we're not talking about something that -- people joke about how long the healthcare long is. did you want a pamphlet? we're talking about reforming our healthcare system in this country. it is a huge, huge responsibility. >> stephanie: it is a big fing deal. of course, on the other side of the aisle, it is hard to say if it is going to be somewhere in the middle, mitch mcconnell said i agree it will be a big issue in 2014. it will be an albatross. they'll be running away from it, not toward it. >> i think the only albatross is the system as it is now. it is unsustainable, it is

abusive. no way it can continue. what we've created is a step in the right direction. it will get better and better over time. the more people who are in the system who understand what is now available to them, especially those with pre-existing conditions who can't get coverage in the marketplace right now, i think it will be much more successful than anybody anticipates. the other thing i want to make clear is that at the time, house speaker nancy pelosi made a comment that we need to pass the bill so everyone can read it. what she said at the time, if you see it in context is when we pass this bill and people have a chance to read it, they'll really understand what's in it. i think that's what's manifesting itself now and what representative schakowsky is reiterating is once we see this implemented, people are going to understand what's in it and they're going to like it. >> stephanie: that's what they're afraid of. i have to go and plan my surprise seder for you. oh! [ buzzer ] now i ruined the surprise. jacki schechner, great stuff as always honey. >> no problem. >> stephanie: there she goes. news woman extraordinaire, jacki

schechner. 17 minutes after the hour. we roll along on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: there's a tea party in her pants and you're invited. call now 1-800-steph-12.

(vo) she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. >>ok, so there's wiggle room in the ten commandments, that's what you're saying. (vo) she's joy behar. >>current will let me say

anything. >> announcer: stephanie miller. ♪ these boots are gonna walk all over you ♪ >> i believe they're called uggs. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 22 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. let's go to paul in michigan.

hey, paul, welcome. >> caller: hey, great show you guys. >> stephanie: thank you. >> caller: yeah, i wanted to introduce ann coulter and the republicans to facts. and that is the real takers in this country are the billionaire robber barons that the republicans work for such as the oil companies who get $4 billion a year of our tax money while they rip us off at the gas pump at the same time. >> yep. >> caller: and also, mitt romney who makes $25 million a year, at least, and pays 9% in taxes. there is a taker. >> stephanie: don't you wish -- somehow his tax returns do get leaked finally? you just know there is stuff in there -- the fact that he, right up until the end refused. all of the stuff you're talking about, i'm sure. >> caller: and where was the media? can you imagine if obama refused to release his tax returns? he would never hear the end of it. >> stephanie: donald trump is on tv asking for his tax

returns, college transcripts and what else did he want? besides birth certificate. ridiculous. >> prove to me you're not from kenya. >> stephanie: vick in west virginia you're on "the stephanie miller show." welcome, vick. >> caller: good morning, stephanie and the gang. i just want to remind you and jacki of the $15 to $25 billion the insurance company had to pay back because their administrative costs can only be so much. >> stephanie: that's another good feature of obamacare. >> caller: that's true. i didn't hear anybody say that on there so i just thought you would pass it on to your listeners. >> stephanie: there you go. >> consider it passed. >> caller: thanks, honey. >> he called you honey. >> stephanie: he called me honey. all right. because it was a long weekend and i'm still -- >> drunk. >> stephanie: yes. i thought -- [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] this is your favorite beer. story about beer. although it is kind of disgusting. >> mmm, beer! >> stephanie: beer maker creates brew out of yeast from

his facial hair. [ buzzer ] >> what! >> stephanie: rogue ale a brewery and pub based in newport, oregon developed out of yeast. harvested from the beard of award winning brew master -- >> literally the beard? >> stephanie: literally, his beard. his beard. >> beer beard. >> why does he have yeast growing in his beard? >> stephanie: there's yeast in your hair. i believe so. i don't know. do i look like a brew master? i don't know. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> if you have good hygiene, i don't think you have yeast growing in your hair. >> what have you been doing? >> stephanie: i don't know. okay. massachusetts man pleads not guilty to booby trapping ex-wife's dryer to explode. [ explosion ] [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] some relationships just end badly. not that i would know. >> oh, no. >> no one's exploded your dryer

though. >> stephanie: no. see? >> there's that. >> stephanie: like more of a winner. dean weeks was ordered to fix his ex-wife's dryer as part of his divorce settlement. apparently he was still having issues. >> this was part of a divorce settlement? >> stephanie: so he did the reasonably thing. he booby trapped her dryer to explode the next time she used it. the bomb did explode. it just burned her legs and blew her tiny dog out of the apartment's second floor window. the dog is okay. [ applause ] like something about mary. >> but the spanx will never be the same. >> stephanie: that's right out of "something about mary." i wouldn't have done the story if the dog was not okay. >> yes. >> bad idea. as part of your divorce settlement is to be in a position to booby trap the house. >> stephanie: some people, hopeless remonthics like me, not

that smart. man shipped himself to his girlfriend nearly suffocates after getting lost in the mail. >> is this an april fools thing? >> stephanie: no. he was a stevie wonder fan. he thought he was being clever when he asked a friend to box him up and ship him via courier. signed sealed, delivered to his girlfriend's office as a romantic joke. they got his address wrong and he almost died inside a box with no air holes. at least learn that from the story. if you're going to fedex yourself to your girlfriend -- >> please, use air holes. >> don't be an air hole. >> have air holes. no need to be an air hole. >> stephanie: i did not realize it would take so long. i tried to make a hole in the cardboard and i didn't want to spoil the surprise by shouting. >> better to just die but keep the surprise intact. [ applause ] >> stephanie: okay.

all right. anger management. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] ornery people arrested for punching delivery guy over missing garlic knots. do not forget the garlic knots. >> important safety tip. thank you. >> do not cross the garlic knots. >> stephanie: a dispute between a man and a pizza delivery guy over punches were thrown over missing garlic knots, breaded garlic knots. tied in a knot. coated with garlic butter. >> stephanie: the 19-year-olds say the guy sucker punched him in the face because he forgot the garlic knots. wheeler weighs 346 pounds and has the word fat tattooed on his left arm. he was not amused at not receiving his garlic knots. >> he's probably had a few too many garlic knots by the sound of things. >> stephanie: perhaps the pizza delivery man was trying to

be a helper. okay. all right. all right. one last stuff. man dressed as big foot run over while trying to kick start sasquatch rumor. montana man was killed while trying to convince motorist he was big foot. police investigating whether alcohol played a factor in the incident? i'm going to go out on a limb here and say -- >> computer says yes. >> stephanie: it did not have a happy ending. >> the real big foot is too smart for that kind of thing. >> evasive for 75 years now. >> stephanie: that's why you couldn't get a picture of him. he would not be on highway 93. not quite as clever as the loch ness monster. 29 minutes after the hour. rewol along on the -- we roll along on "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: there's a tea party in her pants and you're invited. call now 1-800-steph-12.

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>> allow me to introduce myself. my name is -- >> stephanie miller. >> stephanie: ah, it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 34 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. likely in los angeles -- lyle in los angeles, you're on the "the stephanie miller show." >> caller: good morning, ma'am. thank you for taking my call. >> stephanie: did i call you?

>> caller: pardon me. >> stephanie: go ahead. i'm sorry. >> caller: i have a slightly different view of the situation with the healthcare program. it goes like this... i believe that the insurance companies have already analyzed the law have identified those features that they see as work arounds and have, of course, come up with a strategy. they've identified those features that they want changed and have probably implemented their strategy on that. they have identified the segment of the market that they intend to go after. and have a strategy for doing that. those evil geniuses are so far ahead of us, it's incredible. >> stephanie: how are they going to get out of covering people with pre-existing conditions? that's in the law. >> caller: they won't. they'll figure out how to handle

it. and they'll just absorb it. they'll segment the market to identify those that they're after. and take care of the rest. >> stephanie: all right. i'm sorry. go ahead. >> caller: they are -- they are brilliant. >> stephanie: they're evil geniuses, the insurance companies. >> caller: yes ma'am. >> stephanie: i've learned that the hard way. remember when i had that oak tree next to my house and it split in half and half fell on my house and half fell on my neighbor's house. they found out a way not to pay for any of that. i don't remember what. >> how did they weasel out of that? >> stephanie: i don't remember. because there's ridiculous rules in there. yeah. we were talking about jeff flake on "meet the press." [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] that was kind of big news for a republican in office -- >> especially someone who is as conservative and mormon as he is. >> stephanie: this was on "meet the press." >> could you support a republican presidential candidate some day who supported same-sex marriage? >> i think that's inevitable.

there will be one and i think he'll receive republican support or she will. so i think that yes the answer is yes. >> stephanie: which is -- as you say, is kind of a big deal because karl rove said it but he's not in elected office. again, didn't sound happy about it. >> no. but it was inevitable. >> stephanie: everybody was talking about this weekend. marie osmond has started talking about gay marriage in support of her lesbian daughter. i didn't know she had a gay daughter. she's also come out in support of marriage equality. which is again big deal for mormons. she reaffirmed her support of marriage equality in a new interview. she's promoting her memoir "the key is love." spoke frankly about her daughter, jessica who is gay. she said the god i believe in is a god of love, not fear. i believe in my daughter's civil rights as a mother. i think my daughter desires everything in life. she added i don't think god made

one color flower. i think he made many. i think everybody should have the right to share homes and finances with someone they care about. i'm supportive. when it comes to marriage i think civil rights need to be for all. we've gotta see if we can get her on. i've never interviewed her before. she's really nice. at the time she was doing sitcom with betty white and i asked her if she was -- if betty required her to be spayed or neutered before she would work with her. >> what did she say? >> stephanie: she laughed really hard. [ ♪ circus ♪ ] >> she didn't know what to say. >> stephanie: meanwhile you know what? there was a reason i didn't like that. osmond's brother alan -- >> wasn't he the funny looking one? >> stephanie: no, that was meryl. >> i'm not up on all things osmond apparently. >> stephanie: i am. i'm obsessed with all of them. in love with donny. >> jimmy came along and stole your affection. >> remember jimmy, the little

one? >> stephanie: yes. no one ever stole my affection away from donny. as an adult i got to sing yo-yo with him and now i can die. [ applause ] i was a little offbeat as a child. not one bad apple. not go away, little girl. i went down to yo-yo. anyway, alan hosted a pro family rally at the utah state capitol aimed at benefitting the protection of marriage from gay and lesbian americans. trouble in osmond land. awkward family dinners. >> sounds like he doesn't love his niece as much as marie osmond does. >> stephanie: apparently not. good piece in salon about the tv change america's mind on gay marriage. >> yes. i firmly believe that. >> stephanie: good night everybody. >> tell me if you disagree. >> stephanie: joe biden brought that up. salon writing did gay and lesbian characters help pave the way toward acceptance and this

brings potential supreme court landmark so vice president biden said last year, on "meet the press," he said when things really began to change is when the social culture changes. will & grace did more to educate the american public than anyone has done so far. people fear that which is different. >> patrick harris playing a rabidly straight guy on "when i met your mother." [ scooby-doo's "huh?" ] >> stephanie: i don't understand. >> i think john fuglesang is correct in that h.i.v., the whole plague brought gays out from the shadows and into the sunlight, if you will. and then hollywood felt free to, you know, make art and commerce about them. >> stephanie: rude pundit made that point this morning. he was talking about why they call it homosexual marriage because the word sex is in there. so you don't picture the cuddly family on modern family. you picture nasty sexual acts or something. >> who doesn't. >> than loving, cuddling families. >> stephanie: janet in

washington. gay sex, only dirty if you're doing it right. january net washington. >> caller: our neighbor's tree fell on our house too. here's how they weasel out of it. this isn't a huge like -- this was a huge rainstorm. it came down -- a hurricane. and it was a huge, huge tree. >> wasn't a eucalyptus, was it? >> the insurance said you don't have to pay for this because we hadn't told them prior to the tree falling on our house that we felt it was a hazard. and i can guarantee you that after we spent the money to clean it up, we sent them a letter and it is really unfortunate because this is what you're forced to do. we sent them a letter and said we really feel if another tree falls on our house that it is going to be your problem. they did pay for half of it. so they were good in that respect but unless you warn them ahead of time. that's how they weasel out of it. that call they're called about

the health insurance he's right. they're work on it. they're picking it apart. >> stephanie: insurance companies are weaselly. that's not news to any of us. what's the thing if you hit a deer janet? that's under the act of god thing, too right? >> i'll tell you. here's the truth. an insurance agent, we were shopping around for home insurance and they said do you know how you can tell an insurance agent's house in a flood? and i said no. and they said it is the one on fire. seriously, that is -- i mean, you know, set your car on fire if you hit a deer because it is the only way they're going to pay for it. >> stephanie: they find some way -- it is labeled like an act of god. i think the deer's insurance company needs to cover it. something like that. it is a loophole. >> god chased the deer out of the woods and into the road? >> keep in mind the insurance companies are very upset about climate change because they're having to pay a lot of the claims.

so the climate deniers are going to have to start dealing with the insurance agents. and the insurance companies. and let me tell you this is where it is going to get very, very interesting. because they are very powerful. they have got a lot of money. so all of a sudden, you're going to start to see the climate deniers start to come around when they have to deal with these insurance guys because the insurance companies have all the money. they truly do. anyway, great to talk to you. thank you so much, stephanie. bye-bye. >> i've got a huge eucalyptus tree next to my house. there is no good way for it to fall. i'm a little worried about that. >> stephanie: yeah. here is a good way -- don't ever die. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] insurance companies hate that. just don't hurry up and die. the world's oldest woman got there by being super boring. 116-year-old bessie cooper. just celebrated another birthday. the world's oldest living person. when they're asked how they managed to give so long. they say something like i eat

fried chicken and jellybeans every day or i hunt a human being for sport. gawker is making this up. bessie is totally boring. i mind my own business and i don't eat junk food. by refusing to salt her lips with gossip, she's cheating the world out of hundreds of years of secrets. >> bet she has a shot of rye every day. >> what did grover cleveland smell like? was lizzy borden fun at parties? were people smaller back then? we'll never know any of that. >> grover cleveland wasn't smaller. >> neither was taft. >> stephanie: tim in columbus, you're on "the stephanie miller show." welcome. >> caller: hey, thanks. i'm a physician. i was educated in europe in the late '70s and early '80s. i practiced primarily there in several different countries. never here in the u.s. but i do have friends who are in practice here. so i just wanted to say that, you know, while the reform seems

good on top, it is a lot like the fiscal cliff negotiations. in that some of the few benefits that are really good and that really will help a number of people. for those -- we're giving away everything with allowing the private insurance companies to still essentially control everything. and to have a continuing, private system that just operates in anarchy. >> stephanie: we've said that -- so many times. sometimes the simplest answers are best and really medicare for all -- some type of single payer makes the most sense. you're right. while the system is still for profit we're still have some of the same problems. >> right. the costs are going to continue to climb. this is the band-aid.

eventually down the road, we're going to have to look at as a replacement because the costs are going to climb. it is still going to present -- >> stephanie: that's what jacki says. it is a cost problem. >> caller: it is. with that profit motive in there, to get the most profit you can. and having no kind of cost controls or negotiation ability they're just going to continue. >> stephanie: yep, i agree. single payer it is. good. [ applause ] done. can we do that to them at some point? you're right. this is not working! only one thing left to do now. >> single payer. [ ♪ nah nah nah nah nah ♪ ] >> stephanie: all right. 46 minutes -- hey, how did that happen? 46 minutes after the hour. right back with the remaining moments of "the stephanie miller show." >> announcer: for a good time, call now. 1-800-steph-12. >> watch the show. >> only on current tv.

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♪ one, two, three four ♪ ♪ get up, get down ♪ ♪ what up, everybody so glad you're here ♪ >> stephanie miller. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show." welcome to it. 51 minutes after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. j.d. in minnesota you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi j.d. >> caller: oh, hey steph. you're awesome. by the way, i have a contest. who is hotter? is it cliff or what's her name,

the red haired girl. >> jacki schechner. >> stephanie: they're both equally hot. everybody is pretty. >> caller: stephi, she's going to turn me straight. that's not possible. i'm here to tell you my genes do not work. i'm taking them off. >> stephanie: jacki schechner makes your jeans tight. that's awesome. >> caller: i'm in love with you too. >> stephanie: thanks for making me an afterthought, i appreciate it. >> caller: you're a dear. >> stephanie: thank you honey. i don't make his jeans tight that's the important thing there. he didn't have the decency to remember her name. >> stephanie: the red haired gal. >> stephanie: her hair isn't that red. >> on camera, it looks very red. >> stephanie: it all makes his jeans tight. he doesn't care. >> makes the jeans tight. >> stephanie: i'm a dear, too. that's when you're past your

prime. you're whatever. [ wah wah ] >> stephanie: jim in milwaukee. you're on "the stephanie miller show." >> caller: hey, how are you. you had a caller earlier that talked about the evil geniuses in the insurance company. >> stephanie: yes. >> caller: and i just wanted to mention, if you look at obamacare, any increase in premiums over 10% is subject to approval by the state. it is subject to approval by the federal government. and also, remember, 80% of premiums taken in have to be used to provide health services so you know, a lot of obamacare is pretty well thought out. they can't just say okay, 50% increase. >> stephanie: no. i think there is -- you're right. there is a lot of good stuff in there. i hope jan schakowsky is right. once people understand what's in there and start to benefit from it, they're going to love it. i think that's what the republicans are afraid of. they're still campaigning

against it even after the election, after the supreme court ruling. >> caller: right. a lot of it doesn't kick in until 2014 so they still have a year -- >> stephanie: they have a year of demagoguing to go. exactly. >> caller: exactly. hopefully people will learn to like the law once it starts affecting their friends. >> stephanie: do a friend a favor. explain something in obamacare to them. [ applause ] you can learn it from the little red-haired girl on the show. charlie brown, she's a little red-haired girl that makes that guy's jeans tight. >> and he was a gay too. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] >> not charlie brown. >> stephanie: when you make the gay's jeans tight you know you're a smokin' hottie. jacki schechner talking about you. >> man tried to take 27 snakes on a plane. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ]

[ bleep ] snakes off my [ bleep ] plane. >> snakes. why did it have to be snakes? >> stephanie: a brazilian man tried to take 27 snakes -- >> we know what they're like. brazilians. >> stephanie: is that 27 snakes in your pants or do you just think jacki schechner is hot? >> snakes will make your jeans tight. >> stephanie: i'm sure 27 of them will. >> ow. >> stephanie: you know this about me. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] here is the kind of gay i am. i went out yesterday with my friend rob. i said your package looks incredible in those jeans. i'm a helper and a complimenter even though -- i did really. it looked spectacular. >> maybe he had snakes in there. >> stephanie: good job on that. nicely done, sir. >> i don't think he had anything to do with that. >> stephanie: something going on down there. as you know, i fly a specific airline. had to book my tickets to chicago. april 13th. sexy liberal chicago. tickets almost gone. john fuglesang, hal sparks and i. you know what airline i fly.

it is -- well, after the middle-aged bicurious woman hit on me on the flight from tucson. back from vacation. >> settle in, relax with even more legroom than before. in flight personal video newly redesigned comfortable seats and the finest airline meals in the industry. so when you're settling in with our award-winning service and a strange bicurious middle age woman offers to shove her tongue down your throat, sit back and enjoy the ride. it's something special in the air. ♪ something special in the air ♪ >> there have been liftoffs where i had my doubts and i realize, you just have to lay back and enjoy the ride. >> speaking of the gays, did you hear what cardinal dolan said on abc's this week? >> nikki dolan? >> stephanie: that monkey. >> cardinal timothy michael dolan.

first thing i would say to a gay couple who feels unwelcome in the catholic church, you're entitled to friendship. >> nothing beyond friendship. if you're gay. >> just like a priest. >> stephanie: thanks. consolation prize. >> thanks. >> allow you to have friendships. >> stephanie: don't do anything with the disgusting uglies of yours. frank in l.a., you're on "the stephanie miller show." hi frank. >> caller: regarding the healthcare bill, what we have to do is make it nonprofit like they do in europe, ronald reagan privatized the world's greatest president. and if you go back, when william retired from healthcare, walked away with $5.5 billion with a b dollars and william hemsley, the new director of united healthcare will walk away with about $700 million. in europe, if they make a profit

on health insurance ghe to jail. here they have a license to steal from people that are sick. >> stephanie: yep. absolutely. thank you, frank. by the way jim. [ ♪ "world news tonight" ♪ ] we don't trust our gps, being old and per scheckty as we are. sad advice from gps leads man into a harbor. anchorage, alaska. poor advice led a man to drive off a ferry and straight into a small boat harbor. >> why was it telling him to drive off a ferry? >> stephanie: it is voodoo. >> it is common sense. if you're on a ferry don't drive. >> stephanie: they trust their gadgets too much. >> yes. >> well then, you're an idiot. >> he's probably texting at the same time. >> stephanie: texting someone about how bad his gps is. all right. that's it for us. chris lavoie, jim ward, t-bone, jacki over in the current news center. we'll see you tomorrow over on "the stephanie miller show."