it's not immediately obvious that martin suffers from depression but he often struggles with ordinary daily tasks even getting up in the morning can be tough. certain routines can help him get through the day for example meditating frequently or talking to others and speaking openly about his situation how does it. i think that i've learned to tell people who are ok who i am and how i react and this helps . sometimes i tell friends to take it easy with me if i'm feeling a bit down in service in august. in the periods of depression martin is often plagued by feelings of hopelessness emptiness and guilt 6 years ago he was so depressed that he decided to commit suicide.

in the manic phase as he is full of energy and feels very creative. keeps flora's the contrasts in his feelings and the music that he composes. the souffle to see themselves there are many failings ups need to arrive packed them into different chapters and they conjure up very deep or special meaningful moments for me. and one of them is the evening that i try to end my life. so there is only the feelings of joy sadness the whole spectrum of so to speak. psychotherapy and medication helps martin get over his suicidal feelings now he gets by without any treatment. sport and breathing exercise is helping to keep the

depression under control. he is preparing to go on stage to talk about his experiences he wants to share his coping mechanisms with others though he knows that they might not work with everyone who is affected with bipolar disorder has to attend a forum for exchanging ideas and promoting personal advancement. i'm very nervous i want people to really understand what's burning in me and what i want to bring across but guys i want to encourage people to make the steps that i've made in life. next year you. need to do your. rules what the bottom line is the work but there is still plenty to do along with his friend and manager max martin is planning to walk from his home in cologne to his hometowns vala in the netherlands 200 kilometers away the idea is to

prepare him physically and mentally for the speech. if you don't want to read we talked a lot about different things about martin and about me as well and then we came to a point where we thought that we had to go public and reach a wider audience that people should listen to martin and a framework should be created. the problem yourself and that's not something i want to help with. martin has so many ideas so many emotions. you can be doing it and that means he wants to get things done faster but perhaps i could help find a direction from that which the minister when because. martin is planning to meet people from his past as he walks people who know what he went through. so often isn't talking is one aspect and they're different people places and stories are another aspect but i also want to show people that they can achieve anything if

they want to the shaft. for martin sport is possibly the most important means of dealing with his depression it creates a balance between the body and the mind and helps him prove to himself that he can do something. i know people who don't have legs who can climb as a woman here who doesn't have any legs and she manages to climb up i think we're only is limited in so far as we set ourselves limits and that's a part of the depression to say that we can do something but what can we do there are days when i feel i can't get out of bed i can't get out of bed i have arms and legs. just before he is due to set off for the netherlands martin suffers a setback. instead of going to dwell on foot he's after the nearest hospital. and the doctor's orders are clear. so.

it's an infection of the joint it's bacteria also it's in the tissue. that's become known for being someone who will follow his own plan but the doctor was adamant that i shouldn't do it. it's good work so he said it was a very bad idea to walk 200 kilometers he said my body needed calm and relaxation. and. the rain hines's martin's ex-girlfriend he was planning to meet her on his walk but instead she has come to see him in cologne. she wanted to comfort and encourage him ahead of his speech. she knows what such a setback might do having had 1st hand experience of his depression. i think it was difficult for me was that he wasn't predictable. so i was. down for the ups and downs and highs and lows which change so fast.

and then i would think. ok he is again and now he's there that was the biggest challenge i that was there was. a few days later martin is off to the netherlands by car the cast is gone but he's still not allowed to walk. his parents were on holiday 6 years ago when he called them and told them he was going to end his life. we felt powerless and santita and it was very difficult to understand little because martin also has a lot of humor and a joyful side. yeah. and i feel it was really difficult for us as parents. we had feelings of guilt if i think of them have you start wondering what you did wrong what do you see it's not easy to accept the sign to heal lost. the next day

martin took a lethal mixture of sleeping tablets and painkillers. in the why didn't care at that point i just didn't want to have these feelings i couldn't bear the pain anymore. but something made me think that i shouldn't do it this can't be the solution whatever the problem is ready. to me so i went to the toilet and i threw up again. i was quite lucid from that point on. and i called the emergency services. i am now martin knows how to deal with the ups and downs better bathing in ice cold water helps him when he undergoes

a setback he tries to use it to find some force instead of sinking back into a black hole. that's what he plans to talk about later today. trust me in that case the cold does me good so i wanted to make sure that i did it one more time before my speech so that all the energy all my thoughts came together instead of being dispersed audio mind everything in symbiosis so that i'll be able to go in as calm and collected as possible almost. now that he's ready he and his friend and manager max go off together to the venue where the event is taking place. there's a bit of fine tuning before he finally goes on stage. he's nervous after weeks of preparing for the 18 minute long speech. my name is martin hammond and germany we

need to talk. rather swim under a sheet of ice climb into the ring or go climbing without a rope. charge tell you a few more things that i'd rather do. but he doesn't it's time to be serious. thank. you and on this martin my name is martin helen and i suffer from heavy depression i always start suppressing myself my questions my emotions hiding everything that makes me me it's probably better just to function before i start looking for excitement to find a balance i think everything is a great idea alcohol drugs driving with my eyes closed for more and more time i put my health at risk sex fights destruction. like 6 years ago when my depression was so bad that i didn't know what to do. so i tried to end my life vita.

my life why didn't i talk there's a simple reason why i didn't talk to people don't talk about mental problems i learned that early on at school or at the club at home always friends. but now i'm talking about i'm not going to stop talking. if you miss me or germany we have to talk to mr libby. i forgot half of it. i'm so proud of you. how was it for you. know i don't

know yet. i'm still completely overwhelmed by emotions feelings. it was great but i don't know what it was yet but i think i'll figure it out in the next few hours the feelings. here when really fast. there are many enthusiastic people waiting in the foyer for martin people who also suffer from depression or know people with depression martin has given them hope by speaking so openly. hope that they too will find a way of dealing with depression.

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