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of thought t. hat's a high does illness fearing its revelation could cost him everything his career his position is germany's 1st choice goalkeeper but hiding the illness was not a long term solution. nov 10th 2009 and committed suicide his germany team mates found out why they were having dinner together. with these what was suddenly everyone in the room was nervous showed us his phone and said something's happened. with enough and when i told them the news you could sense this really strange energy and nobody knew how to respond because i was the beast. robot nko was afraid of revealing his illness a fear that had fateful consequences around germany and the whole world many people who suffer from the. also suffer from the fact they condition is often not

recognized as an illness. to pursue depression is a metropolitan disorder that affects the brain don't you get it involves changes to particular of money or chemical processes for instance for 25 years professor florian wholes bush was president of the max planck institute for psychiatry in munich where he researched chemical interactions in the brain he treated germany and blew his legal star sebastien dyes live for depression holes bo is among the campaigners who call for depression to be recognized as a mole function of the body not dismissed as emotional distress. we also have to recognize that depression is not a weakness of character or something that can be overcome by pulling yourself together. this is and it's a disease just like pneumonia or a slipped disc. like many people suffering from depression but ankle was

only ill in phases in the periods in between those who suffer from depression can be in good health and highly motivated. to lisbon in tripoli 2002 i was a sports reporter for a german newspapers in spain at the time and portugal too and at some point i heard there was a young talented goalkeeper from germany a. benefit. and he's goalkeeping coach about a young hands had noticed after he'd had an impressive season at moncton glad. i went there on regular reporter duty and we spent a very nice day together he was one of those people you get along with right away. then 25 was glad to have a friend in a foreign country the 2 men communicated frequently over the years to come primarily fire text message. and what ronald reagan didn't know was that i had been

suffering from panic attacks as soon as he'd arrived in portugal. as far as well as as the that was the 1st time when i really noticed something's wrong. but it's about what i want to see them and told me he had to get out of there immediately it was panic and escape us. it would be several weeks until ankle returned to lisbon but he then managed to settle down and had a happy 3 years of. his goalkeeping feats made him a hero of the club. meanwhile fixed rituals helped to make him feel that seeds. that i know what i. would always poop on the one tree that robert would say that made him feel good because he knew you could depend on the law to always use the same tree and the thicknesses you hide in mind that seems crazy to me but he said

it gave an insecurity and consistency is for me so they stand and that is what his life was like so i decided he was always wary of anything new. that you know as my bangs. it was a younger troubled goalkeeper in lisbon he was actually very happy with his wife and their 7 dogs because he was captain of. but at the same time hear that constant pressure a professional athlete feels to reach a higher level. by. the next level fangirl was barcelona the club he joined in 2002. he was recommended by will see him when you used to be older it's coach up and it was july 2nd 2002 he'd been there just a couple of weeks we were sitting outside in the sun at a cafe and he told me he wanted to stay at barcelona for a long time he was really happy to look but all that changed in

a matter of weeks when he realised he was. isn't 1st picked for barcelona's coach who is fun or not it was for. me. here in the office of his former agent. and because barcelona jersey takes pride of place. if this were the 1st big setback was him coming to barcelona and then the young victor valdes was suddenly playing he was on nobody's radar. that's one window and word spiral began when he apparently entered a really deep clinical depression. robert anchor blamed himself for not making the number one goalie spot his own already having a predisposition for depression he now suffered an acute outbreak of the illness. as a professional footballer you're obviously in the public spotlight and you have to

accept that with a predisposition you're more likely to suffer this kind of depression and so he puts on. a spanish cup game against 3rd division of elder looks like an opportunity to stake his claim but the underdogs pulled off an unlikely $32.00 victory the shock defeats was not the reason thinkers depression but it was the trigger for the illness becoming acute. as well that's why that it was the size of game here even before he left he told me terry with this match i can only. digs his own grave read one newspaper headline from a publicly handed responsibility for the defeat to anchor whose condition subsequently went from bad to far worse what an awful thing is sometimes he wouldn't get out in the morning that he put the blinds down or close the door and not come out how problems getting dressed. and. he couldn't get out of bed he couldn't move

due to anxiety and his depression it was your beef with. him to help me understand how he felt and he said it's horrible magine being in a tunnel and there's a lady in the distance but then i live on. and you want to go there but it's so dark and you just hope that this little late doesn't go out plan a list initial hours a foundation set up an anchor's name has created a virtual reality project that incorporates anchors experiences participants a weighted vest and a 360 degree video advisor to get an idea of the symptoms suffered by people with depression. among the scenarios is a football dressing room based on anchors own personal accounts of his condition. realms it's a hear about. kind. often

more from comair crash the kind that i so want to be in. or. this mission. the physical. systems i'm told people who watch and listen to it might become more sensitive towards those the fact. that i am gay and the aim is to give people a feeling of what it's like. how it might be to have the passion the current is that it's only an inkling of what it actually feels like. realizing he had no real future at barcelona because next port of call was istanbul on loans of fenerbahce. but he wasn't prepared for the job at hand

with the fanatical stadium atmosphere after just one match she fled is the bull hoping to begin therapy. but it took weeks for him to find a psychiatry just in cologne so his desperate search would be easier over the last decade the robot and foundation has set up a network of helpers and hotlines for athletes across germany. the man. actually we've come a really long way. that makes me happy personally. because we didn't have that back then. at the networks with all the phone numbers of people talking about the illness. and with so many sports psychiatrist involved. in 2004 got a new start at 10 a reef after getting treatment for his depression he was healthy and happy.

there were newspaper articles including the hybrid papers about him supposedly being at rock bottom here i visited him until a real monday and i'd never seen him so our year. we sat by the hard. and watch the dock workers he was a reserve goalkeeper return to refund the 2nd legal and he enjoyed going to training he was just happy to be a healthy again. at the end of the season and cause recruited by evolved lean and have a back in germany also on the team was a young power. he was at the beginning of his career. when he joined i had the feeling he already knew me inside and out of your pair and you did this and that that made such an impression on me someone who came from abroad and knew so much about a young player who had just started out. as

a psycho saw no sign of any predisposition for depression on the contrary. he came across as totally self confident and you know you could sense it in every training session that he wanted to get more out of himself and his teammates. think you can say that having come through this illness in 2003 made him a much stronger person and a much stronger goalkeeper. robert spent 5 years in good health living in noise stat outside had over together with his wife and a horde of street dogs that picked up in spain and portugal. wonderful dog food what a surprise. there was always fun to be had we formed a bond and just enjoyed life and football by experience the complete spectrum of

a fun loving person by the information and by us i mean it's an illness one that can be treated and that you can come back from as robbie often demonstrated and then he himself again. the general public later believe that anchors slide back into clinical depression had been caused by the death of his daughter laura from a heart defect but he emerged from the tragedy in good health. toward for la la rose death didn't make him he was stable year. until then he might not have understood how important life is. but then he became aware of it and it was. robert encouraging a training session 4 months after the loss. just spend all day grieving and sitting in a corner and saying there's no future life has to go on i have

a responsibility towards myself and my wife and the fun for the woman of. the incas spent their beloved daughter's 3rd birthday at her grave. we tried to stay optimistic that we stood there just in colorful clothes and basically celebrated our daughter. last. 6 months after laura's passing robert made his debut for germany. and their story very proud of my 1st car it's a shame we feel so good at least to draw them in but of course i'm glad about my 1st international car for a year with us the national and international team he found himself playing with his old friend pair met a 2nd again. run strong. team would meet up the 1st thing we do was call and see whether the other one was already there i thought it was great but. by now the big question in the germany team was who would succeed yes lehmann in

goal thank. god was off by the time neither of us was interested in rubbishing the other guy in the media there was this general rule of the game this battle to be german goalie i go but we always got on really well this company thought i was. i we've got the number one was a favorite chance among the hanover fans but anka suffered for a time from the tabloids stating their preference for the younger rennie adler but in the end anchor himself the jersey germany's goalkeeping coach andy cook picked him for the upcoming world cup in 2010. at the beginning of 2009 and corrupt his wife a poet. for your birthday what would you

like a diamond huge and pure cat horses dogs i know that's going too far. how long things continue on our journey through life together doesn't sound it's very moving to read this now it still really moves me to this day. and. i'm not worried today is here tomorrow is just around the corner only one thing is for certain i need you now and i love you it is. important to us i can't believe how positive that was he was fine and was thinking about the future. when i read this i can't believe that he killed himself half a year later. the illness was just lying in wait you can't say when it'll come for you. in the summer of 2009 his bill this resurfaced. that was

a very difficult time we had to play a cat and mouse game with the media because he was terrified that he'd never again be able to do the thing he loved the most play football with. the national team trained without him on the advice of his therapist thank you for again keeping a diary. ask the september september 1st 2009 i lay in bed half the day until terry phoned me and told me i had to get up. that september 3rd 2009. point where i'm finding it difficult to concentrate i'm thinking about ending my life. instead of speaking about his problem thank god told people he was suffering from

a virus under no circumstance would he go public with his depression. we said he had some virus that wasn't yet recognized it was a huge burden on him for the. his therapy sessions with his psychiatry's think being conducted via telephone oh i'm going back to have i noticed that one point he never mentioned how he really felt. he are content and make jokes that i didn't then one time i listened in and said that by now robbie that's just not true i don't have any purpose and it's a very difficult balancing act for the relatives of a person with depression. how closely should i watch over him and how much freedom do i allow him so that he can still be an individual and still have a little room to breathe so he doesn't feel completely at someone else's mercy complet.

the antidepressants he was taking weren't having the same effect they were 6 years previously. the meds weren't working anymore so it was time to try therapy so i told his club that all but has a psychological illness and is now undergoing treatment in the house as we drove home from the clinic a couple of days before he died he said i'm not doing this i couldn't believe it. because i was just about to call you and inform him but it was so afraid he stopped me. i think the clinic would have saved him his. uncle wanted to keep up the facade and he was soon back in goal for an away game in cologne following 2 months out. in retrospect forced hospitalization would have been the right thing to do we'll never know with

will but would still be with us today if we'd done that but it might have given him a chance. on the sunday evening against hamburg played his final match. he embraced national teammate people try to call ski 2 days later his friends want to ring called him. and i called his whole only theresa was in and i talked to her for a long time and she was in a good mood because she felt it will be was on the road to recovery he was laughing again today we know why he was thinking i know how to get rid of the disease for good i'll be dead soon with that attitude to me but. when a sick person decides to put an end to his suffering the decision by itself can bring a sense of liberation because he knows the suffering will soon be over. at half

past noon i called or i thought he was in his car and he was insanely stressed because he said to me i'll call you back this evening now i know why he was stressed because he was on his way to kill himself. decision to hide his condition would prove to be fatal. even after the lover staff was we were bonded so close together we thought our love could conquer anything. not 0. but it doesn't always work like. my. mom. does not before. it still has a hold over me for her to the. hilt of my bow so it is my duty to protect this young man because what i failed. is gabba

but not a crime to have his death there was no structure and no network or charity for athletes. that i was alone and his illness wasn't ever really addressed for course as it happens i understood why he couldn't just come out and say i have depression or. it wasn't like it is today after his tragic death i would always recommend for people to open up and seek help off. during the funeral service it was clear that depression was a to do subject. story inspired other athletes to go public with their own suffering marcus miller was one such case. i don't want to just stand there in light of. i want to stop playing hide and seek . skiing star lindsey vonn spoke up about her depression. make that was the

next step when i had to take myself to open up and speak to people about these things. in 2018 danny rose an england football international opened up about his battle with depression. he recovered to make the world cup squad. someone in the public eye someone who's achieved so much that someone so strong can be affected by this illness than someone like me just a regular joe can be affected too. and it's no one's fault them mess but i think that plays such a vital role opening up and talking about your feelings can really make you feel normal again. because story has also inspired friend and former teammate pam. today he runs the arsenal youth academy helping to mold a new generation of professional footballers he wants his players to be honest and

open when they experience problems. i know it isn't easy even so i try to be more open i remind the young players that we all have problems sometimes and there were allowed to share them. matzoh 2nd himself suffered from panic attacks and self-doubt as reported by german newspaper desh spiegel last year. according to the former defender the time has come for people to be more open with one another. and that's happening with it has nothing to do with being weak it's about working on things to make life easier and learning from our experiences and also example it's one. can because it's so the message is clear it's time for us to take depression seriously and to do everything possible to help people seek medical

assistance both from him. today to raise and care is living in hanover and happy again despite having once expected to grow old with rob it. was that his dream was to one day become the goalkeeping coach at benfica to live in lisbon. and i think that had he managed to get through those issues he's now be leading a happy and satisfied life. and then. he can no longer be by my side but he remains in my heart and that thought gives be strength. in my every day life memories of all over the laughing come to mind over it had an incredibly beautiful laugh you

can ask other people who knew and worked with him colbert's laughter often comes to mind and that's still the case after 10 years is that their memory is still strong still fresh but the memories aren't as painful as they once were was it will be. only one thing's for certain they need you and they love you.

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i'm not laughing at them i just sometimes i am but i stand up and live in that region and thanks even to the german culture of looking at the stereotypes the classics the indians think this leaves a country that i'm playing the piano needed to be paid for this grandmother. to leave the house it's all about a little time a job join me to meet the gem and bundled up the. post lead there. is a cultural over. there it goes consensual end their rivalry to. 3 princes. dream of the world lead they're there for power and boundless ambition of the middle east to come to a crisis play the marble princes of the gold the stars nov

27th on t.w. led. out of the. plane . this is the line from one year of anger in the streets of friends to demonstrations across the country marked the anniversary of the gallo best movement police responded with water cannon and tear gas as fires and violence erupt in parents also coming up germany's greenaway the green party is surging in the polls thanks in part to its popular

pair at the top of the greens eventually step into uncle americal shoots. plus a much anticipated presidential election in the treaty.