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thought he had to hide his illness fearing its revelation could cost him everything his career his position is germany's 1st choice goalkeeper but hiding the illness was not a long term solution. 1 november 10th 2009 and committed suicide his germany team mates found out why they were having dinner together i think there were most of these all suddenly everyone in the room was nervous. showed us his phone and said something's happened. with enough and when i told them the news you could sense this really strange energy and nobody knew how to respond because i was the beast but. robert engle was afraid of revealing his illness a fear that had fatal consequences around germany and the whole world many people who suffer from depression also suffer from the fact they condition is often not recognized as an illness. depression is

a metropolitan disorder that affects the brain the want to get it involves changes to particular meyer chemical processes for intent for 25 years professor florian holds butcher was president of the max planck institute for psychiatry in munich where he researched chemical interactions in the brain he treated germany and been his legal star sebastien dies live for depression holes bo is among the campaigners who call for depression to be recognized as a malfunction of the body and not dismissed as emotional distress. we also have to recognize that depression is not a weakness of character or something that can be overcome by pulling yourself together. this is and it's a disease just like pneumonia or a slipped disc bunch of. like many people suffering from depression but ankle is

only ill in phases in the periods in between those who suffer from depression can be in good health and highly motivated. to lisbon in february 2002 i was a sports reporter for german newspapers in spain at the time and portugal to some point i heard there was a young talented goalkeeper from germany that. benefit. and his goalkeeping coach about a young hands had noticed after he'd had an impressive season at mimicking glad. i want their own regular reporter duty and we spent a very nice day together he was one of those people you get along with right away. then 25 was glad to have a friend in a foreign country the 2 men communicated frequently over the years to come primarily fire text message. and what ronald reagan didn't know was that i had been suffering from panic attacks as soon as he'd arrived in portugal. has asked and

that was the 1st time when i really noticed something was wrong. and i went to see them and told me he had to get out of there immediately it was panic and escape. it would be several weeks until ankle returned to lisbon but he then managed to settle down and had a happy 3 years at benfica. his goalkeeping feats made him a hero of the club. meanwhile fixed rituals helped to make him feel that city's. military that i know what i love what i admire done a lot more what i always poop on the one tree that robert would say that made him feel good to me because he knew you could depend on the law to always use the same tree on me and says you had a mind that seems crazy to me but he said it gave them security inconsistency me so they stand this guy and that is what his life was like so was i he was always wary

of anything new. it was a young but troubled goalkeeper in lisbon he was actually very happy with his wife and their 7 dogs because he was captain of benfica but at the same time hear that constant pressure a professional athlete feels to reach a higher level sport. was the. next level fangirl was boss a lot of the club he joined in 2002. things of you know he was recommended by. who used to be older it's coach i've been fico it was july 2nd 2002 he'd been there just a couple of weeks we were sitting outside in the sun at a cafe and he told me he wanted to stay at barcelona for a long time he was really happy but all that changed in a matter of weeks when he realised he wasn't 1st picked for barcelona as

a coach louise found what it was for. me. here in the office of his former agent. bankers barcelona jersey takes pride of place. if this was the 1st big setback was him coming to barcelona and then the young victor valdes was suddenly playing he was on nobody's radar. when the downward spiral began when he apparently entered a really deep clinical depression. and blamed himself for not making the number one goalie spot his own already having a predisposition for depression he now suffered an acute outbreak of the illness. as a professional footballer you're obviously in the public spotlight and you have to accept that with a predisposition you're more likely to suffer this kind of depression and so he

puts on. a spanish cup game against 3rd division of elder looks like an opportunity to stake his claim but the underdogs pulled off an unlikely $32.00 victory the shock defeat was not the reason for increase depression but it was the trigger for the illness becoming acute. as. it was the decisive game even before he left he told me terry with this match i can only. digs his own grave read one newspaper headline teammate front to poor publicly handed responsibility for the defeat to anchor whose condition subsequently went from bad to far worse what an awful place that is sometimes he wouldn't get out in the morning that he put the blinds down or close the door and not come out how problems getting dressed. and. he couldn't get out of bed he couldn't move due to anxiety and his depression because he will. ask

him to help me understand how he felt. that it's horrible magine being in a tunnel and there's a lady in the distance but then i live alone. and you want to go there but it's so dark and you just hope that this little late doesn't go out as others plan a list in the showers a foundation set up in anchors name has created a virtual reality project that incorporates anchors experiences participants a weighted vest and a 360 degree video visor to get an idea of the symptoms suffered by people with depression. among the scenarios is a football dressing room based on anchors own personal accounts of his condition. roams it's a show about. kind of. often

mushroom comic ish kind of guy so want to be in. oh i thought. this mission. the physical. systems and people who watch and listen to it might become more sensitive towards those effect i'm. i'm on the aim is to give people a feeling of what it's like. how it might be to have to pressure the current is that it's only an inkling of what it actually feels like. realizing he had no real future at barcelona because next port of call was a stumble on learn to find a back chic. but he wasn't prepared for the job at hand with the fanatical stadium atmosphere after just one match he fled is them full hoping to

begin therapy. but it took weeks for him to find a psychiatry just in cologne so his desperate search would be easier over the last decade the robot and foundation has set up a network of helpers and hotlines for athletes across germany. the man does. actually we've come a really long way. that makes me happy personally. because we didn't have that back then. at the networks with all the phone numbers of people talking about the illness. and with so many sports psychiatry. in 2004 got a new start at 10 a reef after getting treatment for his depression he was healthy and happy.

there were newspaper articles including the hybrid papers about him supposedly being at rock bottom i visited him into real but never seen him so. we sat by the hard. and watch the dock workers i'm off he was a reserve goalkeeper return to reef on the 2nd leg and he enjoyed going to training with he was just happy to be a healthy again. at the end of the season and who was recruited by evolved lean and had over back in germany also in the team was a young power massacre he was at the beginning of his career. when he joined i had the feeling he already knew me inside and out of. your pair and you did this and that that made such an impression on me someone who came from abroad and knew so much about a young player who had just started out. as

a soccer saw no sign of any predisposition for depression on the contrary. he came across as totally self-confident and you know you could sense it in every training session that he wanted to get more out of himself and his teammates were the males i. think you can see that having come through this illness in 2003 made him a much stronger person and a much stronger goalkeeper. robert anka spent 5 years in good health living in noise stat outside hanover to gether with his wife and a horde of street dogs that picked up in spain and portugal. wonderful dog food what a surprise. there was always fun to be had we formed a bond and just enjoyed life and football by experience the complete spectrum of a fun loving person by the mention of. it i met it's an l.

miss one that can be treated and that you can come back from as robbie often demonstrated and then he'd be himself again. the general public later believe that anchors slide back into clinical depression had been caused by the death of his daughter laura from a heart defect but he emerged from the tragedy in good health. there toward for la la rosa death didn't make him he was stable. until then he might not have understood how important life. but then he became aware of it and it was. robert encouraging a training session 4 months off to the. month. just spend all day grieving sitting in a corner and saying there is no future life has to go on i have a responsibility towards myself and my wife and the fun. of holding. the incas

spent their beloved birthday at her grave. we tried to stay optimistic that we stood there just in colorful clothes and basically celebrated our daughter. last. 6 months after laura's passing robot anchor made his debut for germany. just on the very proud of my 1st car but it's a shame we feel to get at least to draw them in but of course i'm glad about my 1st international car for you with us. and in the national team he found himself playing with his old friend metz a secular again. ron strong. team would meet up the 1st thing we do was call and see whether the other one was already there or i thought it was great but . by now the big question in the germany team was who would succeed against lehmann in goal and already after. that i

thought god was off by the kind neither of us was interested in rubbishing the other guys in the media need to know there was this general rule of the game this battle to be german goalie i go but we always got on really well this company thought i was wasn't i we've got the number one was a favorite chance among the hanover fans but anka suffered for a time from the tabloids stating their preference for the younger rennie adler but in the end anchor earned himself the jersey germany's goalkeeping coach andy cooke of picked him for the upcoming world cup in 2010. at the beginning of 2009 and corrodes his wife a poet. for your birthday what would you like a diamond huge unpure cat horses dogs i know that's going too far.

how will things continue on our journey through life together. it's very moving to read this now it still really moves me to this day. and. i'm not worried today is here tomorrow is just around the corner only one thing is for certain i need you now and i love you. i can't believe how positive that was that he was fine and was thinking about the future. when i read this i can't believe that he killed himself half a year later. the illness was just lying in wait you can't say when it'll come for you. in the summer of 2009. was a very difficult time we had to play

a cat and mouse game with the media because it was terrified that he'd never again be able to do the thing he loved the most play football with. the national team trained without him on the advice of his therapist thank you for again keeping a diary. ask september september 1st 2009 i lay in bed half the day until terry phoned me and told me i had to get up. that september 3rd 2009. point where i'm finding it difficult to concentrate and thinking about ending my life. instead of speaking about his problem thank god told people he was suffering from a virus under no circumstance would he go public with his depression. we

said he had some virus that wasn't yet recognized it was a huge burden on him for. his therapy sessions with his psychiatry is think well being conducted via telephone oh i'm going back to have i noticed that one point he never mentioned how he really felt. he had pretend and make jokes that i didn't then one time i listened in and said that i know ravi that's just not true i didn't have any purpose and it's a very difficult balancing act for the relatives of a person with depression. how closely should i watch over him and how much freedom do i allow him so that he can still be an individual still have a little room to breathe so he doesn't feel completely at someone else's mercy complet. of. the antidepressants he was taking weren't having the same effect they were 6 years

previously. the meds weren't working anymore so it was time to try therapy so i told his club little girl that has a psychological illness and is now undergoing treatment and how as we drove home from the clinic a couple of days before he died he said i'm not doing this i couldn't believe it. because i was just about to call you and inform him but it was so afraid he stopped me. but i think the clinic would have saved him he. wanted to keep up the facade and he was soon back in goal for an away game in cologne following 2 months out. in retrospect forced hospitalization would have been the right thing to do we'll never know if we will but would still be with us today if we'd done that but it might have given him

a chance. on the sunday evening against hamburg and played his final match. he embraced national teammate people try to call ski. 2 days later his friend 20 ring called him. and i called his whole only theresa was in and i talked to her for a long time she was in a good mood because she felt it will be was on the road to recovery he was laughing again today we know why he was thinking i know how to get rid of the disease for good i'll be dead soon. but. when a sick person decides to put an end to his suffering the decision by itself can bring a sense of liberation because he knows the suffering will soon be over. at half past noon i called or he was in his car and he was insanely stressed because he

said to me i'll call you back this evening now i know why he was stressed because he was on his way to kill himself. to the city and to hide his condition would prove to be fatal. even after another staff i was with we were bonded so close together we thought our love could conquer anything. not 0. but it doesn't always work like that. it still has a hold over me. of of my that i saw it is my duty to protect this young man. and i failed. it's gavel

but i must not have is that there was no structure and no network or charity for athletes. that he was alone and his illness wasn't ever really addressed as it happens i understood why he couldn't just come out and say i have depression or. it wasn't like it is today after his tragic death i would always recommend for people to open up and seek help often. during the funeral service it was clear that depression was a to do subject. story inspired other athletes to go public with their own suffering marcus miller was one such case. you don't want to just there are lots of people. i want to stop playing hard to see . skiing star lindsey vonn spoke up about her depression. that was the next one i had to take myself to open up and speak to people about these things.

in 2018 danny rose an england football international opened up about his battle with depression. he recovered to make the world cup squad. if someone in the public eye someone who's achieved so much someone so strong can be affected by this illness than someone like me just a regular joe can be affected too. and it's no one's fault them mess i think that plays such a vital role opening up and talking about your feelings could really make you feel normal again. because story has also inspired friend and former teammate. today he runs the arsenal youth academy helping to mold a new generation of professional footballers he wants his players. to be honest and

open when they experience problems. i know it isn't easy even so i try to be more open i remind the young players that we all have problems sometimes and they were allowed to share them and also. after. a 2nd himself suffered from panic attacks and self doubt as reported by german newspaper desh beagle last year. according to the former defender the time has come for people to be more open with one another. and that's how it has nothing to do with being weak it's about working on things to make life easier and learning from our experiences also has its own. because it so the message is clear it's time for us to take depression seriously and to do everything possible to help people seek medical assistance.

today to raise and is living in hanover and happy again despite having once expected to grow old with robert. was at his dream was to one day become the goalkeeping coach at benfica to live in . their day and i think that had he managed to get through those issues he's now be leading a happy and satisfied life. and then. he can no longer be by my side but he remains in my heart and that thought gives speech strength. in my every day life memories of low birth laughing come to mind. credibly beautiful laugh or you can ask other people who knew and worked with him. after all. often comes to mind and

that's still the case after 10 years is that the case or the memory is still strong still fresh or no model but the memories aren't just painful as they once were of as it were the way. lives only one thing's for certain i need you about and i love you brother.

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move move. move. move move move move. this is day 8 of a new news line from berlin police and protesters clashed on the streets of hong kong of officers used tear gas and water cannons against the demonstrators earlier some of the protesters occupied and set up barricades at the university campus also coming up. and also makes him to the czech prime minister sell your business interests or step down around a quarter of a 1000000 people turned out trying to demonstrate against all andre baddish as the

czechs months 30 his since the fall of communism.