tv Papa Dada Deutsche Welle December 17, 2022 10:30pm-12:01am CET
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a houses that dang leaders can construct or more than just buildings. he is the son of jewish holocaust survivors. how walking that i was able to bill to just present berlin. his architecture is a celebration of democracy and an architect of emotions. daniel starts december 25th on d w, or ah ah ah ah,
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i am maria lombardo fred duda. i am married to my husband, paul. we have been blessed with 7 sons in our marriage, and dumb. we had an attorney that was introduced to us. his name was john or jerry . he was our business attorney for 5 or 6 years. and as it happened, we attended his wedding of john and john john, jerry and john lam and done it changed the relationship from lawyer client to friend friend are we going to go to see the glass blowing company? do you got it? yeah, i'm there, robbie. robbie rob lowe,
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who had some struggles as im practicing catholic trying to bounce the trueness of my faith and the very difficult obstacle of my relationship with john and john as a gay couple who chose to become a family. they have met that challenge through medical practices, which may or may not be opposed to the catholic faith because of their desire to have a family. so when i was asked to be the godmother at santino their 2nd born, i decided as of boardman, as a mother and also as a daughter to the court that and none of us that walk this earth
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have the right to judge that ah, 20 years ago our community was dealing with aids. no one was talking about becoming dad. it's a paradigm shift for the gay community. 10 times $88.00. what is 10 times 7 said to me i would have to do that because ever since i was a kid, i wanted to have a family group when i realized i was gay, but i let go of that idea. so martin, i thought what future can i get to my son? society isn't ready. the old 13 that was perfect. 2 or we didn't have 9 months of pregnancy, it became in the house and we made put calm down on the floor right there. and we
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just kind of sit there and you're like, are we allowed to have this baby like i'm going to tell us what to do. thank you. that for me. thank you. got a you, palm africa just like that. you can call this was your favorite time last year so i ranked really are by increasing through i found out our main aim is so they phelan bay. oh oh. their favorite is probably around a death do you know was birthday is going to be the sunday. if someone who's very old
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i this is brenda, is going up. we'll wake up all the queen. we're going to have a little talk you and i oh, i've had enough. you're getting married and that's all there is to it. oh, the prince pushed away his breakfast. he couldn't eat a bite as the queen talked on and on and on. i don't understand you. every prince in these parts is married. every one of them. but you when i was your age, i'd been married twice already up by evening. all that talking had made the prince
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dizzy. very well mother i'll marry. i must say, though, i've never cared much for princesses. that night the queen found her list of princesses and called every castle. the very next morning at crowd waited at the gates. prentice aria from austria sound as thunderous opera for the prince. no sooner had she finished than she was shown the door. oh, next came the funny little prince from greenland. the prince didn't hit it off with her either. wait called the page. there is one more princess presenting princess madeline and her brother, prince lee. at last the priest felt a stir in his heart. it was love at 1st sight. oh, laughed the prince. prince stern. kinda like what happened when
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papa saw you had a journal heart? oh, dad die. now stretch. go with what a wonderful prince! what a wonderful press, what a wonderful print me ah. how he met at the time i was saying, i was living on my own and i had to do laundry. so i had to take like these 2 big bags of dirty valley dance where and go to the laundry. i remember it was nice and sunny and i was going across the street. and most bostonians won't let a pedestrian crop. but a, it happened to be john,
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and he stopped and he let me pass. ah, when he crossed the road, he gave me a big smile. i smiled back and i thought he was very, very attractive. so i was on my way to drop was my dry cleaning, and i quickly drove around the block to see if i could catch him again. and sure enough, he was there in front of the coffee shop, came over and then he just sat down next to me and said hi, how if we did a ah, it took about a month since we 1st initially met. and i remember walking into my apartment,
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i know there's 36 different apartments in this building. and there is this on below that tape on the entry door, which i don't know who would do that because there's so many people going through these doors, you know? and it said john, the dancer and it had a card and it's, it's a hologram. so if you, if you went down and said no, and then if you what it said, yes. and inside the card it said, i hope you're speaking. yes. to had dinner with me very for his date was life. yeah . and i was a tough one. i think they, they really wanted to know what his intentions were because i, i think at that time in my life i was, i was not willing to just date someone just to date i wanted something that was more substantial and someone that, that saw essentially what i saw in life and what it meant to have family. and i
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think that that was the number one thing that i asked him as if he would ever have children's. because i always knew i wanted to have kids. that was a very early stage to be discussing that, you know, 1st dates that talking about the rest of your life and kids. but it was very interesting to have some one like john, so young thinking about that and who are you there, buddy. ok that you've had enough and that was the beginning of the kids talk. great. santino. ah. my family absolutely loved john from the moment they met him. even though john comes from a very different culture being vietnamese, the via the me as families are also tight. and they're bound in. busy of tradition,
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and i think that that melded very well with our italian background. they were quite excited about that ridge. my parents took their vows seriously and remain married all their life and family was most important. so my family's reaction was very positive from the get go and it was a lot of a lot of good for them. it was a lot of good for the family to stay together, be together. and now with the addition of children, it's been even better. i, i don't know about job experience. i come from a very traditional nice family and i'm the youngest. and traditionally the youngest usually never leaves a house or things that are very just not your typical vietnamese child. i loved home very early, i was the 1st one to leave and i came on gay. so i think that who is it was very difficult for my family to understand
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why i lived the way i live. but when they met john, ah, i think it helps them realize that john was a good man and that he wasn't this horrible person forced me to do something. but i didn't want to, jo. um, so i think that they were able to realize that this was something that was real and that was going to happen. the wedding was very special. the queen even shed a tear or 2 ha, that was like that. and papa. okay. when dan and papa got may without a big i got a yeah. we, we did. yes. there's a prince and a prince up of the can pop out papa. that's right. they were able, beg, ah, okay,
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a high i q you want all these different things that to us seemed a little crazy. you know, we just wanted to have a happy, healthy child, but when you goes to the surrogacy process, you are confronted with these questions. we went to with this one agency here in boston, 4 hours later when we thought that this is going to be a 20 minute conversation about understanding whatever is for our like should be all about surrogacy. and at the end, john and i just want to teach how they were like, wow, ok, this is, you know, going to be a very interesting process. now, this agency that we initially went to was like the rolls royce, of a surrogacy. i mean, you say whatever you want and in one man, here's your baby. so very care free. they didn't want the parents to stress about anything. they did all the legwork for you. they did everything which confound, very appealing. but i wanted to do the research because i wanted to,
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to immerse myself and understanding what it meant to creating our family through surrogacy. we didn't just go to the agency and told them, okay, here's the check find a circuit. it was more that we were more hands on that revised the whether the fellow said after the, for our initial interview has the, at the service the place. and we were starting this journey. and he's a lot of great news for you. you guys can be fathers and you can have a great baby. you said the bad news is what i can do for a $9.00 bottle. why? you have to spend 100000 for so our agency said twice. this is going to be a to 2 to 4 year wait. before you get matched with a surrogate, because that is the timeframe that they give. and we said that's fine. we were very much in the early part of it. and then 4 weeks later he called us and said, we have a circuit that's ready to go. me
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me in distress i was finding the 8th donor. i think we went through 4 different agencies, but the just happened to not be the one that we wanted. you know, you have to both be like, yes, this is that we were kind of at a standstill. i said, let's just try one more time. and he was like, i think at like 11 p. m at night when john like half asleep or. and then on, on my computer, like look in all these girls in reading about these drove and i come across this one girl and i'm like,
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i think the girl just by looking at her me i opened her file and i was like, she's really nice french that's half of john and half of me like ok. and then i kept reading about her medical history or family and she was willing to donate her age as soon as possible. usually women to one a, a month through i v f. they have these hormone drugs that will create more than maybe $510.00 eggs at a time. for us they were able to harvest t 5 a. he was an incredible success. oh, me. from the 2520 were able to survive after the transfer. we separated the 8th, so john had 10 and i had 10,
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and we said if it's meant to be our sperm, will inseminate these eggs in this petri dish. that is the most frown upon thing to do an idea because it's the least effective. but john and i will like, we want it to come from some sort of organic way as organic. actually can i be because it's the life that you're dealing with me. the circuit at the time is ready to go, or uterus is essentially ready for implantation. so it's all, it's a very orchestrated ballet. you have to like, have all the things happen and then all of a sudden, like, okay, it's performance. time has been in
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this, we decided to do a transfer. one of john and one of mine in hopes that we would have twins. so after a couple days, it's like the longest days that you're waiting, they call that would tell that the embryo in rural like super happy like, oh my god are having 2 kids. and then a couple weeks later they do an ultrasound and there was 2 sacks, but only one harpy. thankfully, one of them was very strong and grew very, very violent, very perfectly. and when we heard that 1st heart beat, it was just like because it is like, wow, that's like a real human being like that's one of ours. we don't know who it is. so on august 15th, 2013 our 1st and giovanni was born. so all the waiting up
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to getting pregnant and getting the eggs and making embryos been transferring and then getting pregnant and the 2 year old 1st words. no, no, no. all right, buddy. bye. ah, about a year after geo was born, we started the process. we saw the process for the 2nd child. we had the fertilized eggs because they didn't freeze the. busy you don't use and you can have them for years. i mean it's, it's indefinite. so all we had to do for number 2 was find another carrier. and we were lucky again. on july 5th, 2015. we had valentino, here you hear me give
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fantastic. but we know that there are other states, other regions of this country, other countries that just do not have that, that education yet. and they still hold ignorance for that level done so i mean, when, whenever we travel we, we kind of have to remind ourselves that it's not, you know, if we're, if we're flying to florida and we go on a family vacation, i think to myself, it's very hot to go on vacation with our kids, but i forget that it's a different stain. people luck and people stare and people wonder like, oh wow. like, that's a gay couple. but here, massachusetts. like i don't ever really. i don't even think about it. i truly believe that we are no different in and they are, they on the quality come on this way buddy. with come on,
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let's go with the fountain miller and g zone with just a little bit and we'll get killed. but nobody can question that babies were born from a male seed in a female egg will fit but parenting or something else, sexual orientation has nothing to do with raising a child while raising a child is getting low that are full stop to boston. mm. along with just double shoot. if you work for the die, let me do it. i really you, me to feed and south. we met in the south of italy when we were 22 or 23 from yeah, i had a girlfriend and later he hit on this girlfriend of mine that he's actually in the
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mando level at you. then we decided to move up north to find work. let me see him after a month and a half of living together, a relationship developed almost casually vitality. let's go back and see him. it said, you know, we discovered a homosexuality together in a fit body, depend of our mode, the tried to hide it in front of our friends and family as we thought it was wrong . but yet that in your dela, fee neg, then we decided to get married. and at that point, we had to tell the people who did that now the reflected on the property that i mean it will go when it got to that everyone knew us as just being friendly until they got the wedding invitation to them. but that it might be too much more in your ah, i really do me with a
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try going this way. go on, get the water aqua by the 5th. right? oh ha, go villans. what a jump that, but that they're finished busta. now mike, about little go up, the pastor will be ready soon or feel the be close at medieval ever since i was a kid, i wanted to have a family goes to could be with me gay. when i realized i was like, no of that idea dietician. no, i thought what future can i give? my son. if society isn't ready, then we got, you know, other families with same sexual errands ago. we saw that they were normal families or so we thought we can do this very so going from you normally. greene, the little girl, sam, are you mad at me that other than i used to live? don't you legged galena? what do you mean now, loy,
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don't you want them to the hour? if that isn't, there were 2 countries that would allow us to have a baby. we canada or the u. s. energy that we chose canada. aw, keyboard on a motley. it's very hard to find a surrogate for her to carry out of this active love that she has to fall in love with us is annoying annoying. we were really lucky to receive kelly's profile after only the days, sadly. whoa, oh, but i will i do you me. when i'm in nevada, i'm with the leaf and we had our phones in our hands at all times to say when she sent us whatever video she could possibly meet the guy from the positive pregnancy test to the growth of her belly. she even bought
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a device that she put on her belly, so we could hear the baby's heartbeat telling us that he went through all the emotions from a smartphone, from a smartphone. mostly my dad in canada, so we got to canada 14 days before leon was born, a did he think then we can finally experience everything we had in the previous one of the civil to know maybe i do came one with her values up as soon as she felt a movement, she wouldn't kala. she was always with us during the entire months that we were there, neu, it's the thin, the day the c section was announced. so should we were both allowed in the delivery room. we could only see her from behind a cloth shed, elijah dotala's, she gave us the thumbs up in the middle and telling us it was all good. we were really nervous and restless until we saw our son for the 1st time, the old but handsome head guy,
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delays the room with her back. then with lutheran. good bye. if you have an opportunity to be part of their g a. c, it's an amazing journey. it's just really, it's one of the most beautiful things i've ever been involved with. to see the intented parents hold the babies for the 1st time was just unbelievable or so overwhelming. it just the amount of love that you felt not just from the parents, but just from their family even was amazing. oh oh oh. oh parents understand that for us before they come into our program, our number one concern is not about them. it is about the baby. the 2nd thing we want to be concerned about is will they be respectful to the surrogates. i see
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these women as goddesses, what they do is the greatest gift that any human being can give to another human being. and i want to make sure that these people understand, we expect them to communicate with expect them to say thank you, expect them to treat them respectfully. a cost of any child born through surrogacy depends upon the individual situation. generally, egg donation in terms of paying the egg donor and all the legal work that needs to be done runs around 20 or $25000.00 surrogates. can we usually get paid somewhere between about $35.00 and $45000.00. ivy f usually runs between $30.00 and $40000.00 . an agency fees are usually about $25.00 to $30000.00 as a therapy you are benefiting financially from doing it. one thing i can tell you though, is no amount of money to compensate you for that time and everything that you need
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to do. the whole process is pretty intense. when you 1st apply, there is a 1000000 questions that you answer. what your relationship status is, or what your past relationships were like, what your family life was like. and my husband goes to the same. he went through talking with the social worker. he also had to go ahead and have his fingerprints done. the 1st dirty they turkey for stds. with me it was a little more in depth. they had to get a lot of blood work done, but also had my uterus looked at in just really a full over on me. i would say it took about a month for me to get through my 1st journey for the screening and to be matched with my intended parents. i. one thing that you hear about when you start
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a journey, but you really don't think about is all the medicine that's involved with that. i am definitely afraid of needles. so that 1st time that i saw the needle that i had to give, i was extremely, extremely nervous. it's very long needle. it has to go into the muscles in your buck cheek and it took us probably an hour before my husband can finally give me that shot because i was so nervous. so that was shocking. shocking how much medication that you are on. and with that, it's pretty shocking how those medications affect your hormones and how miserable you can be for a few weeks. in total, i've been pregnant 7 times. i've had my 3 pregnancies and then for pregnancies through the services. but when you go into your 1st, say, argosy, it's new. you don't know how you're going to feel. during one of our monthly
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counseling visits, i just started crying and i said, i think something's wrong with me because i don't want to keep these babies. i actually just want to deliver and not be pregnant any more. and the counselor stopped. you said no. that's exactly the way you should feel. so i felt guilty. i felt guilty. i didn't want to keep the babies. when you say, oh, you didn't bigger so sorry after this morning. a jim. oh, good day ma. does you come down in the shower like leondard on one day? i did. oh no, no,
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no, not as much. no, you can legally. ah. oh, my family and samara, i talk to be shy. be shy. oh, yeah, that's normal at that age. i said, are you ready for us to come to canada? awesome. are you ready? let's. i'm going to canada after a while. i. i'm excited. so and wants to know that it will be a year since the last time we saw one another in person. i'm not to my kids, you between the school?
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i get up now. oh, i can be honest with you. kelly is our store. okay, so and she's the one who made it possible for us to hold our son in our arms senior normal. i won't go to bed without texting a good night after the book, mother, after leon was born, she said if they want a 2nd child. okay. but i'm not available for anybody else. now she's pregnant. again, i'm going to, we're expecting lucero, our daughter, a born in about a month cisco mazda. i want to hear my look. oh no. yeah, no, let me. ah ah, i did. what do you like? oh boy oh
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leaving today. i've been married now to john 1st 7 plus years and we've had to gorgeous children by surrogacy. and we're very fortunate because it's very, it's music. you know how they came to be? it's absolutely incredible. so ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. yeah. or grant them in their giovanni as and you know, already are getting concepts and understandings of mommies and daddies and siblings
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. and i'm sure there's going to come a time where they're going to ask, you know, where is my mommy and why don't i have a mommy like, you know, this one or that one had school. and as soon as that happens, i think john and i will address it and a b completely open and transparent, and hopefully educating them in just the right way as to their history. good job or in school. and then given of what if of the day da union that is going to ready was yags, do you want to go home or anything?
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i think when they're old enough to comprehend what's going on, we would have the discussion with them about this is the woman who gave birth to you. this is the woman that you were, you know, in her tummy, so to speak, and who went to the hospital one day and then you were born. but this isn't your month. i and that and they will, i'm sure at that point in time understand that difference. and then there's going to be more questions because then know did of the next thing would be, will been, who is the money? and that would bring on that whole conversation on in our particular circumstance, the young woman who gave us the eggs remains to us a anonymous donor. so we know all about her. we know about her background, feel about her medical history. we know about her upbringing, but we don't know she is. and so we could never really pick up a phone and call her, but we can show them her picture. we can show them are all the information about
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her and explaining to them why to respect another person's privacy that she wanted to help us grow our family and she wanted to help bring them into the world. but she didn't want to take any credit for it yet, that young woman, you know, in my eyes, is unbelievable because she gave us the gift of their lives. and so we have to respect that she will remain anonymous to us and them. but they'll know that she's out there somewhere else was, is, you know, i'm, yeah, no, let's go geo going with that.
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and don't pick me up early. you don't want me to pick your burly. i should know it. take me up when i get to was school and know pick me up for next night. when do you want me to pick you up at 6 minutes? how about if i pick you up at 515? yeah, that's the right time. if that's the right time i can have a cough drop you and have you caught up now? do you think it'll help you a little cough? yeah, i i bought class john. this is your contract vitamin i was like you pop by now. oh,
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well, how about i give you this one now and then when i pick you up at school, i'll try to get some of the cough drops that you like. okay? and this will help you a little bit because it'll give you something to put in your throat. take it and then give me back the last one because we're gonna save that one for you. yeah, exactly. i can't a my mom's fine. yeah.
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i brian, i'm the co find the tiers. i went to lunch with a kid. we have gay dad, navigate fatherhood to buy lots and lots of videos of gay dad family, vasa, that experts on man who can help you and your own path to fatherhood or dealing with issues that arise as you're raising your family. we became 1st time dad's bill over 10 years ago when our son levi was born. we found out about leave. i actually had the 3rd day of his life. and on the 4th day, i panic, i said we have nothing. we know nothing. and i thought, wow, i would love to meet other dads, gay dad, specifically to talk about what life is like. the girls are born 17 months later. and it wasn't until everyone was out of diapers eating regular food. going to day kid, i said, let me see if there's any way to connect with other gay dads. and i was shocked
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that at this time this still was no website, no facebook group, etc. and that was a bertha gaze with kids 5 years ago, march of 2014. a lot of gay dads live in communities where they don't know any other gay dads or they're would, they're the only ones. we want to make sure that they know they're not alone. oh, i was firm. you were storm his firm as i work with mom. stay on with. excuse me,
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how much did you pay for a 499 with her so maybe she needs her money. no, we're all set like go get her for you. which one is she? bryan and i met in 1993. vine told me he was a positive and at that time that was a death sentence. so all our focus was on keeping him healthy and giving him alive and he was healthy and being u h i v negative, i keep to be negative. no one was talking about becoming dads. it was, it was trying to house and how many funerals did you go to this weekend?
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and then in 96 that a medication came out. and so our horizon of life changed from have made movies together for a few months until he got take me before a few years and then suddenly became well perhaps you can live for 10 more years or 20 more years or even have a normal life expectancy and then the started thinking about what used to be on think about which is can we be dads and today? not really different. most of our friends have come that i gave her and it's a paradigm shift for the gay community for lunch. oh yes. yes. it's thanks now to be many gay men start their families a little later in life. them straight couples do. and then if you decide that you want to have kids, it's a very conscious decision. does the case for us. we really wanted this and i
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decided to give my job and be to say at home dare to. so i could spend a lot of time with my kids. you know. yeah, no, i'm good days. i oh, really? i am not now. okay, but i'm sure he will, those you know, i do want to play with you anymore. right? you have the right leave. i was a very easy kid there. yeah. well, we've got this down pat reiner ourselves, all the credit. he was the baby in the world and people say, oh you're so lucky and we big yeah, i know they will leave it with the creature that like we just were so skilled. and then we got the twin girls, and we realized it was totally lucky adapted to do with that. with.
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oh yeah, the mila. ah. oh, oh, oh. oh, the 1st day that you come home with your 1st baby is the most bizarre thing. i mean, we didn't have a long pregnancy, we didn't have like 9 months of right. you know they, i left for work on friday morning and it came home on sunday with the baby became in the house. and when they put con, down on the floor right there, and the cat came over and see what she knew right away. she went upstairs and head for 2 years and and we just kind of co sit there and they're like, we're in this now. what that, i mean my big thought was like, who is the grown up here, like who are we allowed to have the baby like who going to tell what to do
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but to be just phone. ready we looked at all the ways that to dads have her former family and we looked at surrogacy, we looked at if we had friends or family who we will want to carry for us. and then we looked at adoption, both private and public adoption and private adoption was the way we wanted to have of them. will you do it? really damage? yeah, let me get just a milk here. i am a yoga teacher and a studio owner. and josh is a full time executive, but we're not both surgeon,
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we could spend the time and money and resources to generate our own new child, right. or we could make our hearts open for a child who was here and needing a home. so we were just an adoption agency locally and you know, it's super invasive. it's, you know, home studies and meetings and f, b i clearances and fingered trends. and a straight couple can make a bad decision in the backseat of a car and be instantly qualified for parenthood. so we went through that whole process twice. like hey collin, can you come in through the hallway and come with me for a minute please? where would you like to have your lunch? you have your lunch and on your little table or at the big 0 when you went to drink collins,
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biological parents were very young. they had chosen us from the number of families the agency had available and we were at the hospital the night khan was born and they handed him to us and they understood fundamentally what adoption was, because they were both adoptive, but they were very definitive in their decision to choose us as a couple and so that was a really amazing experience for us. and on the other side, with our daughters adoption, the journey was somewhat different. parker's biological mother showed up at the hospital having had no prenatal care delivered and said that she wanted to make an adoption plan. and just in a wish we had more. we wish we knew her. we wish we had some sort of connection to
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her. but in this we don't and of the she checked out of the hospital and left parker there and we were you know, 40 minutes away and prevented um from going there for 3 days. um i was, i know i was so angry and the lawyer rightly or wrongly was like if you wanna, if you want to leave here with this baby, you're and you can't go last little. there would not let us go. and i have been out and proudly out. i'm out in my business. i'm out walking in the street. i'm out and i was like, i will go in right. i will send josh, i will not go like one of us needs to and then the, the lawyer in kentucky refused to, to allow us to go and be with our daughter. i
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work at it. oh, it becomes 3 and a half. who's sitting on my lap and he said daddy, when i grew in your belly and i was like, oh and, and then i was like, holland, like, you know you, you didn't grow in my belly and then his like. so i grew in daddy, josh is valley and i was lake lake. he had no way to contextualize straight. um, but it also was the start of a bigger conversation of course, but it also made me feel like this kid is secure in his family and he's had some feelings recently about i think as he gets older and he's in school and like the, you know, he's, he's got it. you don't tell me. he is adopted. these are things that are different than some of the other kids and our job is to fix it or try to hide it. our job is just her parent, parent. gentlemen,
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oh. oh rena, who wants some breck. busy oh wow. who's going to pick the eggs while i run down and turn on tv for 10 minutes. yeah, we walk down very smart, but then we'll be down 10 minutes and then we'll get breakfast. ok, but my dad are going to get ready. close the door play. oh i, we have some work. thank you. if you do her little the office just for 2 hours i, i'll take the cancer. i'll take for the bar and then i'll be back early. yeah, that we have to look through our schedule before the week. get me crazy. yeah. as usual. and the thing
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john and i what we've really made sure to develop is our family unit. no matter if there's a soon army coming or there's fire coming. we all try to go in together and i think this is what's beautiful about families, i fancy and you, i toast. what about other suited? thank you. good job. and again, a, your age. you said you want to age for that and me too late for you. could you give me a glass please wire up. very good. thank you. thank you very much. so much. and you give up a favor. instead of wiping your hands on the back of the chair, you should have to look this hosting. okay. all the way to the and the st. louis. care that you're with,
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knew john was gay from reading. i was 12 and he was 6. and i just like put it aside because just, i don't know. people didn't talk about it then. well, he had any girl he won cuz he was, i mean, he's hot now, but he was, i honestly got all the girls wanted it. i know what happened to me. so then, so i, i don't know. i don't think i was as in tuned so it as diane was at 1st, but then at one point we both kind of said, we think he's gay. i what i went on, we got to go talk to him a lunch or something. jose bar and grill. yeah, i mean i remember, did you know why were there? no, but 1st words your heart. yeah. but we didn't talk about it until we went to that restaurant and then you asked me, i remember saying, oh i just like concerned about your personal life. i remember that i do. and he said you must know on gay or something like that. and then devastated
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i actually what i do and i was like, oh my god like bad, good. and john was like really nervous and then it was whenever you do, don't tell mom and dad. oh oh, the bertha memory. richard john was living with richard in his beautiful house, and i came down the stairs with my shirt off, and that's the 1st met the furniture, the girl of the payments. i'm up my.
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hi, i'm regina mike. hi, i'm johnny. like, what are you doing here? i'm like, well know what number by that not i'm, i'm getting a very bad rap here. if this is going to be too, i don't want to get on it at all. but i knew i was gay at a very, very, very young age. almost from when i was aware of the difference between a boy and a girl, i do remember distinctly was like 1976, which means i was 11 at that time. and i called my father over and i sat with him and i told him that i liked to be with the boy next door. and i like to show him my parts and stuff. and i was crying when i told this, and he looked at me and said, you're just being inquisitive, you're just exploring. but i knew in my head while i was hearing him, say that,
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that he did not know what he was talking about. that i knew that what i was saying was much more deep and much more real than he thought it was. i didn't come out and till i was 27. so there was a lot of years of sneaky hiding bringing girls home dating girls, having sex with girls. that was last time. i think i knew when i was around 5 i remember seeing an older man, naked in a dressing room. i know we've kind of funny huh. so to me at 1st i felt is a neat attraction. when i was little to say i was attracted to this, this person. i didn't know what it meant, thought it wasn't like a sexual thing. so when i went to canada, that was a time where i can explore what homosexuality was for me. that wasn't
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a different country. and i felt very safe to just be who i was. so as essentially when i really came out to myself, but i would still go back home and my parents would still ask me like, where's your girlfriend and i always tell them to be dancing. so they never really question more for that that. 2 2 ah, ah ah, the presumption is that meld answer again. which is wrong is wrong right. the valley world in general is more straight and gay. yeah. so you were at a school with at least one of the gay boy family. you i think i was, i thought i thought i was the only one. i literally said i am the only one i to felt. you know, is it only me, am i the only one?
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and then your world opens up and i, and i do remember distinctly going to boston university, which is liberal city liberal university. and going for the 1st time to the metro nightclub and seeing hundreds of gay people. and they were dancing together and they were having fun together and it was, it was like mind boggling mind blowing that there were that many people that were like me and it was, it was unbelievable that it was, it was great because, and i was one hour away from my family, which was just far enough that they didn't know what was going on with my life. and then i could still go home on weekends and be, you know, straight john or, you know, don't ask me about what i'm doing otherwise. and then i could be myself, when i was in the city of boston, and that's and at school to a degree. so even marry what?
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9 years. yeah, yes. so it's been 9 years. levin was yes. 9 years just about just last year when i went home with the kids, we were at a grocery store and the lady that was checking us out was like, oh, where's your wife? and i was going to say, i have a husband. and my mom told me vietnamese don't tell her that you have a husband. and i'm like really be that now what that again held up for like checking out the food who i don't even know you know, i mean my parents were hippies, i mean like to be my mother handed up pop brownies to my friends in high school and they were ridiculously good and strong and i just thought jesus, i had the coolest family in the whole world, like no one ever said anything bad or good, anything bad or, or made a comment. and then very late in life. my brother had its on who i am god bother to him and he had told his children not to call my husband, uncle, so up it,
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it killed me. it. it just literally blew me away. that they, this family that i thought from around 18 and 19, who just, you know, didn't care if i loved the guy or girl or whatever, which is always cool about it. and i had these great cousins were just this hush hush thing. yep. it's fine. we love you by us, just not talk about it and we're definitely not going to tell our kids about it. when i did come out to my father and tell him that i was gay. yeah. because he asked me sure. what, what's going on with you? you don't have a girlfriend, do you think you're gay? and i said, well, no, dad, i don't think i get. i said i know i'm gay. and then his response there was, well, you know, you, you'd really be better off dead. and that was not a good thing to hear as a 27 year old, even when i knew if at any age but it listed 27. i had already hid myself
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a so long and i had a job and i had an apartment, and i knew that even though he said that i had a place to go that night and that was okay. now he thankfully quickly came around like you couldn't believe crying the next day. apologizing. having slept on what he said, and he came around faster than any parent i know. and is now the most loving, wonderful, and has been wonderful father to me, to john, to our children. but yet that initial reaction was what he thought because that's how he grew up the artistic director of the national art centrum in mexico and showed me this book and said, what do you think you can do with this? and i looked at the book and if a children's book, which you can read of the grown up quite quickly, although when you read it quickly, you miss a lot of the beautiful details in the drawing. so it's worth taking the time to
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look through it. but it's a book called king and king by linda, the hon and stern midland. and the story is about a prince. his mother is a widow and she's tired of being a queen. so she says that her son needs to be married and become king. so they organized a party, and all these princesses are introduced to him, but he doesn't seem to fall in love with any of them. and when the last princess comes into the room, the prince immediately falls in love with the princess brother. and the queen says, well, then you're going to become king and king, and she crowns them both. and the beautiful thing about the story, if it's not by doctor in any way, it's just
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a beautiful story. so when i taught this book, 1st of all, i thought the setup is pretty much one, the 2. so i so huge connection to about the bread are already there. and they all agree to, to do this called prediction between the company and the arts and term and we created it. we gave it a life. oh oh i when we had the press conference, the were a couple of difficult questions. you know, stuff like it's ok for grownups to do whatever they want. but why are you trying to influence children into becoming a certain way? and i remember hearing the question and i couldn't believe that this idea still
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existed, but you could influence someone to, to be a certain way or to love someone. you know that. and, and that was the whole thing with the book that it's not about homosexuality. it's about love, it's about universal love, and it's just this young man who falls in love with another young man. and so i tried to explain to the man during the press conference, but if it was so easy to influence people, then we would have no homosexual us. because there aren't any stories for children that's far than tell that story. so how does that come about? you know, we're not creating this in some we're just expressing something that already exists and that is part of nature. oh, i misinformation or the lack of knowledge is what leads to fear. and that's why indication is completely essential in these
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issues. a little boy, a little girl that read the story, might be having feelings the going that way at some point in their life. and knowing that they read the story might help them to be able to, to deal with it in a way that if normal to them and not feel that they are either doing something wrong or something that they don't know how to express. because they've never had a role model for them. like it's these are the things kelly got for us. kelly made this for us. this is been yes for leon guess for lucy. jacqueline. she got diapers already and i think she was born on august 14th. we
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left on july 25th, that she could, you know, when we got to canada, our 14 day before in teams started, the fridge is full. if i don't, i think it was a long wait to learn about those 14 days felt neverending young man. finally, kelly could meet us with her. she wished us a lot of log with it because she thought woochie was very demanding. i i went under now we're both at home. we were not sleeping at night, but it's fine. it's not a problem, not. we're very well organized. lemme the memorial day party. ted below that, i that i meant upon the point. it will be interesting once he goes back to work next rental and i'll be alone dealing with bill clueless law justine that are being
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sh, good with the the the new bill. oh, she would have it in. mm hm. ah, obviously. well, i would had, we had the possibility to adopt we would have done it with our eyes closed it. okay . our son could have been black, the white at any rate, it doesn't matter little that every thought in since italy doesn't allow it. we took this other pat arbiten. i'm in. come up with some could i am there are still
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a lot of taboo surrounding homosexual couples. yes. payroll getting legal money. i hope it in the future will be able to change things. boston can be at a recording be only needs love hobbies or where it goes out. doesn't matter issue in different ha, in bold one birth. ah, with ha, nicely. so are we having a 3rd child? a yeah. how much time we have. so i tried to expedite my heart attack. yeah. i mean a girl, a girl is gonna be any 3rd or
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such as like for yeah, if is going to be any 3rd to do it in 2 years. we can happen be more than that. will probably be too bad. yeah. and also i don't want to get to like yeah, i meant to hear i see that i want to roll you up with one every 3. the suite of you here. they have some more similar or but you have an in all you
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need a little bit more. who are we to judge what actually is a family when i see deal and said, tina they're fine young men, fine young men. i see the love between them. i see the love between their fathers. i see their love towards me. is it the conventional parenthood? is it a mother and a father? is it her father and father? it's called nurturing. okay. there are so many families that are raised by people who are not their biological mothers and fathers. and i don't know what the word conventional is. i mean, these are all of these words and all of these labels that we give to everyone are all man made labels for the time the times change. my name is what time i and was dead husband's step down and down and get back in.
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just like you know, back gets, gets a little confusing doesn't it? yes he but you know the difference between baba dad, dad, dad is the youngest stern one and upper is the more handsome. nice one. right? yeah. oh. do you like any better bubba? yes. why? it is only known hiring. dan will count range everything high. so you only need that, am papa to reach something really high? what in case i or any time? yeah. what about your geo? why do you like to have a better huh?
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i love them so much. less very sweet. oh oh. oh, i came out very late in my life, so i never expected to be as out and is visible as i am. it's just that society did this wonderful thing in this country and now was exploring through the world where acceptance and tolerance is here. so that was one unexpected thing that happened to me in my life. then another unexpected thing was getting married. i certainly never thought that marriage would be legal,
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ought to gay people. and that i would be involved in getting married until i met john. so that was another unexpected thing in my life. and then having children which i never had envisioned was going to happen in my life. and as a result of new technology, new social consciousness and acceptance. we now have this spectacular family. we know this great and wonderful family unit. i could be happier. ah, ah, the news news
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