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ah ah, ah no minor, i my know stock her my li. those my her thought policy. all the fire tower way, john, 1st me of the far tory on 1st. me is that us your litho as a teenager or a child alone? follow? i don't, i was falling, falling, falling. then i woke. ugh, it was like a vortex. that's all. and i was being dragged down far, but at some point the hand of god reached into my falling ankle and i knew, even if i fall to some one will catch me. ah,

this is the story of alcohol burchell, a lutheran pastor, and a man most of her life. ah, her story is one of denial, despair and rejection, but also of courage and of new beginnings. ah, ah ah. ringback somebody's insult,

maquida confident image from klein of kit on. i think every trans person feels the longing from an early age and my own memories. go back to my earliest childhood. i knew somehow that i ticked a bit differently to management, but it was also clear to me from a very young age because of that. i had to keep this a secret. i couldn't share it with my parents does, could. so on top of these feelings of shame about my thoughts and emotions, i felt alone in the world and dummy a sense that it wasn't normal to desire. what want it. so i must be a weirdo is false. then when i was at university, i searched the library for books on transsexuality, but there weren't any. the only thing i found was a book called sexual perversions, except it had a chapter on transsexuality, which told me i was a pervert of that shame to me. and was paint health visits, pilot cuts visit cell room.

ah, elk has crisis played out in this rural area of northwest and germany close to the dutch border, where the life of the farming community is still largely shaped by tradition. ah, the village of halden is home to some 5000 people. elk hash merkel was one of them. ah, this was the church where she served for more than 20 years as lutheran pastor. not as elca bart as han scout sparkle. she was married and lived with her wife and children in the parsonage, but at some point she could no longer bear the attention and in a village,

you can't keep something like that. a secret doth the daughter it's does in so i village life means every one taking an interest in every thing that happen fits. i really enjoyed that, but of course the other it also had its downside for and or when my change took place with god, the whole village got involved and gossip about me. wonder glad it was like as soon army breaking over me of that's the downside. that one must accept because i did. it was when done often. kaufman. rumors were rife that the pastor had been seen wearing women's clothing that he was going to have a sex change operation. most people in the village didn't know what to make of it. to day a for casting, a volunteer, grief counselor, accent al cush. burke holds decision, but she felt uneasy at 1st. only her finishes beside miss smith. i'm what done owns the house cup. consider floor full conceal glue. if i had to describe my feelings

up, i say insecure is often that been a lot of rumors i was on visiting duty. i fear when hand scout to return from vacation with clocked eyebrows and polished fingernails on it. i thought what, what's going on here? and he helped me 1st on campus, dine our, i'd never had his transgender people, one, but the to women could be trapped in a man's body or vice versa. as, as cleanser, no, i had no idea out of that one or does the fall. that's what made it so strange it can. i don't is cut the snake and a dances with frankly, he'll soon it was the only topic of conversation in the village was wrong with the pastor cartier should sir berkin hauff was one of the few parishioners who wasn't rattled body the pastor had supported her through a painful period when her husband was dying. it's what elca was known and loved for . she was always there when the parishioners needed her. now she needed their

support. sheltered ahmed, i need time. probably. i didn't see a problem. for me, she was always a person. and that hasn't changed whether it was ham skeletal, alca, it has always been the same personally, both a guy here but not everybody was as tolerant and accepting as katy. i should. so back in half, some parishioners were so disgusted that they left the church in protest, doth taught thee that hurt. it really hurt and it wound at me that people turned away from me so vehemently on people with whom i'd had a good relationship with whom i talked for me. also members of my family who severed all contact with me from one day to the next. that was very hurtful and hard to stomach them. elca had served the people of halden as their pastor for 2 decades. she had married the villagers baptized their children there at their debt

. she had done all this as a ma'am, hans can't spare kong. mm. but now she had reached a point where she could no longer live a lie. doesn't even natasha thomas. also, it was there seemed no way out. i was suicidal. these people around me, society as a whole, weren't giving me the space i needed to briefly his wall. then her marriage broke out elk. his wife left her and took the children. elca decided to leave houghton and seek help in a clinic. after 6 months, she felt stronger and was determined to fight her corner. her former boss supported hon. under his own law, is mercer and amc, and as urgent is amazon newsome, when i visited her in the clinic, she told me she didn't want to return to the parish as a man may, however,

she still wanted to return to the parish. i wish miss new your mind is holcome. this is a call. i said that's understandable now for it's like not simple initialized. i mean, we have to deal with this situation very honestly and openly. it is as it has and give the parish the opportunity to deal with it openly. it owns a u. d to shoot a chance that decisive meeting in the parish center in 2011. what no one dad hopeful was achieved and come into your mind as town a feel of. there were a surprising number of positive votes as a, as if you, many parishioners were happy that the situation was now being discussed openly and water. or at the end of the meeting, the majority said, we want to try to go down this path together or and in the month on the occlusal love was also waiting for alca along this new path caston hen issue is

a high school teacher, hobbies you know, she took the 1st steps towards alca and simply rang the doorbell. and was you had trouble with ed says no hm. and when you have that thing is that these are lovely pictures. yeah, i will. my yes, but my skin was do heights. oh, really can't you see? just as often it's so beautiful. we didn't need to lengthen editor. very beautiful . yeah and, and the church was beautiful too. but m. s. and he hated tanf at athens meeting me . of course, i didn't know what to expect, but the proof of the pudding is any thing being invested in, oh, well, it's caston was a teacher at the high school and alco proposed to her right that in school during class. alca is not a shy woman. she wanted to present her new life as a transgender pastor with a lesbian relationship. for all to see i bought,

proposing marriage in this way was too much for many parishioners to stomach. vincent and cons. a were conservative village were certainly broad minded. but basically everything has its place in its order as good as school or work is work and marriage proposals and love or something else entirely and half on lever is for sanders. at the time, elca had a new boss. thomas bowden felt tells us that up until then, he'd only known transsexuals from television, but he does is as lot woburn gun. my 1st reaction was this is unknown territory, but i think everybody should be allowed to say when they find something strange. it makes you a bit scared at 1st will be seen. you ask yourself is how am i going to deal with this? and then these defensive reactions follow, does it make distancing, and maybe even reject shya. as i've seen that in many people, including myself, i'm years there about all. elk has new boss had a difficult decision to make the parish council no longer wanted to work with elca

. so he decided to let her go. but me, him, us in swore was it. so i got for me as superintendent, but it was obvious that things would explode for both sides. at some point, i thought that wouldn't be good for the parish and you and certainly not good for hell kush perkins. i realized we had to do something immediately to remove them from this situation which had become increasingly difficult. dead soon. impulse and governess elca herself no longer wanted to be pastor in holden. she left the parish and became chaplain in a nursing home. elca didn't want to pretend any more. she wanted to be herself. the hormone therapy was producing changes in her body. her features were becoming more feminine. her voice brighter, her breasts, developing, however, she decided not to undergo transitional surgery. she identifies as transgender, a woman living in a body that was originally male,

within the bridal couple has to bid for it a way to get know the get us, keep it. it was fun, far as the gifting. meanwhile, elca has become friends with her hairdresser katya in florence. she held the blessing service for katy silver wedding anniversary. all issued from me for fanny on me and im a report for our 10 years ago. i'd never have dared to go into a hair dressers when so many other customers were there. oh, my self confidence has grown thing and of course awesome that has a lot to do with catcher. she's somebody i can trust completely through the foot tall and harm come. when the learners ah, the other it's wellness is absolute wellness her i came here during times of stress

here and just relaxed alexson and spun and often i had the feeling afterwards will with turnbull that look seek over with of it. i never managed to do it that well myself, i feel and what do you think that's good. very good because of oh yeah. super, super, super, super. every wednesday and thursday, elko teaches at a school for care givers and nursing staff. she has been doing this for many years . her subject is ethics. principal, andreas park has always stood by her is specially when her parish no longer wanted her as a pastor. as of yet and was broken to, we'd have helped miss chicago when it looked as if she wouldn't have

a job respond. of course we're glad she's always done fine work for us all are good . and at the height of the crisis, i offered her a full time position here, doors will help visual, so on so good morning. i was the flower and i'm also here by one spirit living. introduce myself, nama. i'm elca sch, berker with either young of elk has trans identity, hasn't been a problem at the school according to the principal. partly because alika is absolutely candid about her situation. yo, dennis, i think i know her the exam and there's another thing you will have noticed. i found my voice. i can speak a little higher and more relaxed. ok. he more than it's a bit more feminine. i haven't always been elk her. there was a crunching my biography in 2010 or i was on sick leave for 6 months when i didn't know what to do with my life, or even if i wanted to continue living,

omni volleyball. not im thomas, pardon? failed was also concerned about alca 2 years after she left holden, he appointed her sen, representative for dance topics in the district under his supervision. now that the eloquence of norma's will open as elca opened our eyes as a church to take astonished to make our position clear so that we don't allow people to be marginalized, easy to be victimized, and subjected to violence because of the way they august. and even if they seem different 1st from the way we think people should go in an uncut rings, when gusio upon provide sweet o l k is now 66 and has retired from her chaplaincy in the nursing home.

however, she continues to serve on the lutheran senate and runs a self help group, the trans people in her region, we found so be elegant fun if we're going to elf s funeral. she was in our support group and only had her big outing 3 years ago. as oh, think of one to she did it very radically. ah, although she was really severely disabled and she managed to adjust her body to some extent of most importantly, she changed her marital status, including her 1st name thunder, and became visible to the outside world. she threw away her entire wardrobe from one day to the next, and then went shopping. that's very impressive. this one. even

though elca is officially retired, she remains a pasta. in this capacity, she decided to hold the memorial service herself for the member of her support group. ah, ah, furnace it average. it was nice of you to come. it was important to me that some people from the support group attended or that of i love your mother. there were about 30 of us not band life in 30 in the congregation. you definitely are. you've on december 3rd of yet. it was nice of you is office friend to conduct her funeral services because the quality all been up sheet. boy, it was important to me and all of that. it was also the group saying good bye to

her alpha was special. that's right. it's what makes us humans. my thoughts mentioned rosa was i was on shore passing was such a shock. i went to a cafe afterwards and over a large mug of coffee, thought it on. what am i going to do at coffee? i have to conduct the funeral myself somehow and it was also a comfort for me as well. ms. ebony the group provides real support trans people are ran in this rural area. elca as their leader gives them strength and self confidence. ah, there's a sense in which elca has finally arrived, even if she wouldn't put it that way. her south for her arrival sounds like reaching the end of a journey. there's still a lot she wants to do. but she has onset. the fundamental question, who am i?

she no longer needs to ask people. who do you say i am? she hasn't reached the end of her journey yet, but she can travel with confidence to day she's visiting vase old cathedral. she has an appointment here with the pastor thomas bag found give. so some tips for the special acoustics of the charge. the musicians are already practicing in the background. elca is conducting the service to day, which especially highlights the queer community. thomas bag found is happy for his charge to be used for this purpose. mister slid us eggs spotted contact. so mentioned hut again. oh gosh. burkle has very close contact with people i don't

otherwise meet in everyday life. let's talk on. maybe they wouldn't even approach me because they don't know what i stand for or whether we're on the same wavelength thing have been owned with alca, it's very clear and she creates this connection. we're able to show that the church welcomes everybody at oliver com l k. is still working on her, simon. today, she wants to focus on the joy of being different. ah, we'll call join us young, give us the courage to enjoy the fact that we're different. learn the flu .

ah elk is children and now reconciled to her transition. but they don't want to go public even though elk has sometimes mentioned them in a sermons was really the up to 3 years ago. my granddaughter had a fantastic idea. she decided that i couldn't really be her grandmother. it just doesn't fit. and grandma is gender conformist. with on the other hand, i'm not really her grandpa either the voice, maybe. so i'm something like a grandma par, and i've been called grandma park that if i, my grandchildren ever since. and

a member of the congregation tells her personal story. tanya met and fell in love with her partner when she was a man and accompanied her in her transition to womanhood. wonderful thing about the fish. my wife is wonderful. she shines. she laughs. oh, she dances off and she's always in a good mood different that's what makes life worth living. being who you are. oh, i'm proud to have accompanied her on the journey to her current life. my wife, my my lily, thank you. oh melody. with the ones, if illinois to the i'd even we need lots of people to speak up for us. i mean in the way elk does with their heart the heart and rise and i admire so much and i'm

grateful to know her. she's an amazing woman's before we need strong people like hers who own homeless telephone until lotus are struggling to pull from y'all from london. it's amazing what she's achieved, that we fighting her corner and asserting herself in the small community, saying this is who i am. this is my life with us as own well does is by leaving men worth of one and god and my greatest wish to god and for the world is that it some quaint, it's accepted as normal for people to be transgender. for some people to have down syndrome and for some people to have autism that they are no longer any norms for people home and that it's quite normal for people to be different. mentioned unless and after several moves, elca and charleston left the village of halden and ended up in a town. it's not just the 2 of them anymore. they also have a child conceived from a friend sperm donation. for elca,

this is now the 3rd family in her life. a couple don't have everything worked out yet, but their full of optimism is others 100 because academic archive. sir, you can hear you can help again. while we're on, well i don't know what's in there either and we might have to look back there again . alan was no, i think everyone had to grow in this situation. my some did on maybe some didn't and i think some degree of normality has returned. now everything has come down a bit, anxiously mozilla. and yes, we live our lives quite normally now. yeah. within, within some items and even as a couple months as a family from you, your order. we live like every one else, even i took the alumni logo. so i've been able to live a lot of aspects of myself,

and i don't have to think about it much as an author, being a woman has become normal for me. of course, i know the old man is also still inside me with his behavior. his mechanisms, his character long, but i am able to live the woman and me more than i do. and that's a gift. this languishing a with

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