well, it's good with that too. it just makes like jumping back and forth between 2 well the and miss out on spring close. it's ok to enjoy yourself and just to now start but dealing with life and death, you have to process it. you can just shut to telephone from the field on november, november the full, every time i come to the hospice, i'm filled with the kind of joy. it's not that easy to talk about. so it's just anybody's picking them time coming up. nice to spend. think of machines and all the time drowning and infinite sadness when i'm alone. but i do think about just a lot. and i think i find positive energy in difficult situations as well as in happy one that i, because barbara always says, how nice that you're here. and every time i think to myself, how nice that i get to be here. you have the

highest and you have a i didn't i present in the hi i'm yeah. when is the new present us the dvd ash? 021 grams. so what does 21 grams refer to? that's roughly how much the human. so my way, it's not scientifically prove, and of course that's not, but it needs the most of room for what. what does that leave room for? oh, crap. thank if the ones we want to make dash less of it today and we want to talk with you about things. people don't usually like to talk about time. so again, i'm a companion for the dying, which means that i'm always standing at the crossroads between life and death name or to i've been doing this for 7 years now. and i have the feeling this way cuz put way more intensity to how i'm living. because without death, there's no nice, nobody knows that stuff or the one on top of that. i've also lost

a sibling. so death is always played a big role for me. and then with my grandfather go. so i was 11 when he died and saw this decline, the other really alive, man who did so many things. and just within just 2 months, i was there for all of that. so that's been my experience with that so far, how you say you were at the funeral to be adding home about i was at the funeral and i saw him for the last time for the 2 weeks before he died. i visited him for the last time. he was already pretty far gone. how did request a lot? he talked about his mother and he didn't really recognize anyone anymore. but he was still alive and still present somehow. or why his own grief helps us to see feelings more clearly and sense most subtle new. and i was just because grief doesn't begin with the death of a person. so what grief all of you, just like this is a fact of life that accompanies this is your dislike. i accompanied an 8 year old girl who lost a 12 year old sister to bone campsite fund on dublin. you know, i joined the family rights off to the dad to come and sit by another with ela,

or i noticed that she was sometimes deeply sad for a moment a moment, and then she always, okay, it kind of skim divided. so we go back to play a piece of intel up with this, like she jumped from one pool of sadness to the next box. and then often it's the case with us adults that we think of just such a well of grief that we can't get house events. we will mess drowned and it then goes, i definitely noticed that that's a major difference between children and adults of oxygen and all the of the estimate assessed in for a few weeks as being accompanying monday who has a serious heart conditions down soon. she will die. he's on the waiting list for hospice bed of on demand vice when this divide signed it. right, so let's just i was wondering about your bucket list or i would have called

a wish list and we're going to call it a bucket list. in there, for instance, tom. yeah, it's quite a funny story. i saw a movie wants to fill stuff to her in the hospital and they said to themselves, hey, i still have certain things that i would like to do or has the field before i kick the bucket, to go home and they still up before she moved up, you know, and then it became so clear to me a bucket list, which was those things that i would still like to do before i kick the bucket, to move up to the top feeder that you have so many or 40 or 40 to right. now, wow, yeah, and to the ones that just codes you've done those. exactly. i to feel the or shape them somehow. almost all the time. it was funny in the beginning, when you think about it for it's like what do you really want to do or experience in your life or something where it's like there were a couple of things where i thought to myself as well,

hello. this might be exactly what i want from life done or what would happen. for example, i'd like to eat fresh strawberries or fly. i thought that would never really happen . then suddenly i found myself sitting in an ultra light airplane. and it was like, wow, well, because flying me kind of means interesting to me. probably because i had a near death experience. i felt this kind of freedom then to be honest, irish things i had good her from this. and how does it felt some of that again and this out for lifeline. just existing between heaven and that was really fascinating for me. so for me just for senior type is he's in and when did you start writing all that down? just a moment of oxygen for the no ma'am. then let's 9 gluco list immediately off to my last surgery from which was when i decided not to undergo any more surgeries and that was a very major. i'll take this palliative rosure to those, and also to pursue these wishes. so if i could list of what i'd like to do 1st,

if i said you've already had a near death experience, um, how does, what do you think happens after death and told me no, it's been for the stuff. what about sort while i'm totally convinced that i know because i missed the death experience. i didn't see a bright light tunnel like some people too. i saw myself dying from a box for me it was completely bizarre because i could hear and feel this crazy alarm sound. coming from the marta i could field and this is 5th. but at the same time there was also a complete stillness total silence. so it was completely quiet and noisy at the same time. and there was also the total piece. i noticed that i no longer had any questions. i also had this strange, 360 degree view without having to move in any particular way. this, this come give yet, and it became clear to me that in the end the 1st thing would be one mail. and i noticed that before and then it was clear, well, hello, there you go. and my fear of death immediately vanished after this near death

experience phone, contact the number on the cell phone. if you take it by phone, yes, its going the box. that's what i'd like to ride the roller coaster. okay. but that's pretty cool too. yeah. as to april, the 11th i meant hello, i said children's bereavement, great. i was leading these middle i to a few months before her big sister died of bone cancer. she was only 12 and it was

8 years old. and somehow we instantly clicked and since then i have a company the family show through that grief, joy, i'm dying gum. yeah. does ita sits in her folder? tell me what you're planning, placed and done. reading the document. yeah. okay. i'm yeah, i just have your mind, i have my dissertation tell the guys, and we also have, i'm interested in the agency of terminally ill children to nephew to venus. and because i think that children on to involve nearly enough in this whole process when it comes to therapy meshes and just being included in the whole decision making process. it seems as though it is okay and talk to i think you should definitely let the kids have their so it's gonna be deed of course you could also consider the parents perspective, the design other actually assessing how equipped to their children or to decide on these issues a way to, to non so it but the children should definitely be involved. you should ask about their opinions and wishes line and also about agency that with whom i got some vendors and all that. do you think that if i a company different families?

so my doctoral thesis now for a few months. so for a year then i might get to many different perspectives because no 2 families are aligned to the the i'm the, i'm glad i then somehow incorporate them all come talk to me. know, would that still be scientific enough for them? assistance offers them. you know, the best contact, qualitative social research could be really going into depth, not taking a broad approach or feet of felt. and then it becomes less about having as many cases or families as possible. and more about looking at what are the very concrete subjective issues that come up and asking a terminally ill child. these questions been done and if you do that over a long period of time, you will need significantly fewer cases. then if you were to just conduct a series of interviews, so i would 1st wait until you have the research design and, and these, and then you can look at the next step. how many families do you need to answer your questions? find something to that will be decided on the fine print sent on june the 15th. the thing for me that still inexplicable is how the time i spend in the hospice is

imbued with the menlo de cool, nice, gentle rhythm of nice weather. adagio will presto, mine arrow major. everything's held together by a structure, everything interact just with everything else. it's like the values that we define to, man, i'm increasingly aware of the emotional depths that sign codes based in the word itself and its inhabitants. hassan got us. this is, this is i feel very, very comfortable here. i just have to say that over fee is i had to just go on. although i can't say exactly why i simply feel comfortable here. i feel like coming good hands, you know, good old school. that's always for me. i never used to feel this way, but eventually it's irrelevant whether i still have 3 moms or only for another 2 years, but it's just not important to to do this. i, i'm enjoying this time that i have now like this is, it's beautiful because all the things that i have suffered in my cost don't matter anymore that is that versus the developers. this is how was it for you to grow up

in an alternate gmc goes to say, it doesn't shape me a lot. for example, because of that experience. i didn't want to come here. i didn't want to come to this hospice life isn't very easy. is it for you this too much ahead of you? you don't even know it yet. so that's something else that's good for me. i'm gonna look, there's not much that can happen to me anymore, but i see on them. are you afraid of death because it doesn't sound like it's only a roll please? no, not at all. especially since i was told that my dad would be simply losing my strength, losing the desire to do anything with the sort of you the of of said it would be like slowly saying good bye to life and falling asleep. when the i'm and i will not resist this study this, this is only, i think that death comes when it's supposed to come on. and that is quite reassuring domain transfer with the

mind like in the the each oh by the applied to on

the side to be a v. as in boston, the item 20 to august august the 21st i'm leaving a message to me personally is supporting the people here and making their lives most beautiful because we so i want to push a smile on their faces and enjoy life with them to the fullest or as much as possible. life is so precious and we only get one. even if he knows it's incredible, we assume you should still make every my minutes and unforgettable quality. some of them. maybe i'm taking on a bit too much for. but that's my goal in order and you should always have a goal. and so i don't mind seeing how

ok. so i think these need to go back. yeah, i said no, yes i had the same. so when i saw that too. so how does it fit to, to that's what will come, where do these blow ups come from the big was cutting meta. there's only the pink one here now. for me, that's a little too so. so really i understand dancing off it was really fun up. some again want to know exactly. so we're looking at what does this mean of nearing it like this? yes. okay. as positive matches look good. i work in the across the us to very good . yes. great then very so i'm just clicking that and then i'm excited to talk about the back cover. take 6, which we think about the design is the back cover to hopefully look side to mit, twisting and come. then, then maybe we can look at the whole phone bill. in this paragraph, it's important to me that these 10 insides come across even stronger. does it,

does it seem as if the books about coming, okay this the semesters pool. so it's not just and the people dealing with them. and then remember to sign, kind of chris is as you always put it so beautifully, people who are dealing with death don't need to take a mindfulness cooling. yeah. yeah. kind of does instead of a gosh, i don't want to write this book. i need for people who are confronting death right now, but for everyone, because this is a subject this effect. so, so, so we went to die at some point, and that's why it's so important to somehow deal with the subject before hand. it's what i answered when dest eventually happens, it wouldn't be as difficult to manage the a boot store brace last, a cool,

that's totally sweet of you. 8 after that, so in your bucket the yes and the fresh from random bug look really fresh to thank you very much on chris, about one right now. i'd love one. great. so it's good to say i haven't eaten stories for ages. so yes, that was a great idea of yours. my place. yeah. please eat there is still plenty little. yes, that's great. i always loved them as a child to my grandmother had a huge god and back then i'm from the 3rd if it was filled with strawberries and cards, things like that. and i was just really present whenever i was the you don't the find me in the god. and as i thought also it also has a lot to do with your childhood, right strawberries. so do you want people 2 weeks to please at your funeral level or does or what do you think about it? so you want us to go, some people really like things like that. so you, for example, i could totally imagine people drinking coffee at my funeral. i think that's kind

of cool because i also like to drink coffee all the time. i think it's been like, i'll be downstairs and listen to do to you can drink something. this doesn't time for me, so then i'm not quite sure about it. i mean, usually i don't where black guy may come to. so, so should i take some of again, name, is that okay, so 1st of all, very cool. very cool. and somehow much smaller than i expected to ask about. it was so much speaker on tv dollars. diesel's in line with a 27 year old company to die out of it. yeah. and then i get that question fairly often. and i always think to myself, why wouldn't i miss of the bottom it?

why is the scene is something that said the queue? yes, yes, it's something that everyone finds so difficult and they say, hey, why you doing this? why are you dealing with such a heavy subject to such a young, a man tma? for me? for me it doesn't feel heavy for me, it's more of a question of why isn't this a normal thing for us to date on is it? is that something i just don't because i want these with t for me on this that this, that and so for relationships me, i'm on this emptiness. i'm fine and just being in this pure existence, poor dogs line. i think that's what makes me feel even more life and screwing less high china. i've got lucy here.

yeah. this is like, it's just way too much going the flour, but we don't have to cool of it. let's see. no, that's right. you can type some out so much color flour. didn't know what to do with so much cauliflower. i think i turned to the overestimated it. when. okay, no stress. yeah. yeah. nonsense, i'm. i made the 19th. he passed away on st. louis. i said he wouldn't peacefully in his sleep. i know it must have been a relief for him to finally go. but it's still hot. you mind. i got to visit with him 4 times dried how designed his eyes were always shining until he couldn't type in the many more. then he was just sleeping speak to us mixed only later did i

realize how much these meetings had changed me. the interplay of life and death accompanies us every day. we don't want to acknowledge you, find somebody, unless dest directly affects us. so someone in our family media, you bought this, this was still ringing my ears. he was never afraid of death thought he was only afraid of lines for them. leave him. why not be there you go. thanks. have a good flight for 14. okay. and then please check in with ms. britsky in room 13 to see if he's ready. okay . how do i know i'm bringing you? not sure. this looks delicious, missus. shiva kinda, oh oh my god god, it always sounds delicious. this is fantastic. right. wow. just great. i had hoped

for this. i think you requested a star, i guess with potatoes in him. yes. because identification today's friday, right? it smelled like face, didn't it? and i was like, yeah, yes, that's much better. now let's tend towards meet them. i can basically everything is the my milk is this, so everything is good. we've got everything. yes, of course. good. thank you. i should phone up and see, see you later by accident on november, november the 18th. every now and then i experience moments of doubts. even though i'm set this, i found my life cooling, working in a hospice. there are also times when i feel pushed to my limits and some things. and i wonder if i can really do this, come accompany people on that journey. i understood like like well, we're christening the book. i think congratulations

then explain to you. is that september the 6th lynchburg, from time to time when i forget to when my name tag, people asked me how long i have been a patient to you. the total cost is my end fault because i deliberately shaved my hat, but wouldn't mind a hot up bless the unless i've been thinking of shaving my head down to 3 millimeters for a while. you publish it. so now let's, i've actually done it. i feel a lot more feminine than i did before, simply because it feels so much more comfortable. so if you want to feel that maybe i'm always looking to do something extreme, like 3 because of the top of since then. so april, the 16th a musical often noon in the hospice, the year is the last and the sense to reopen to stop functioning apart from that music transport. and so much more than just a few notes. it's beautiful to see when it looks something in a person's mind and causes memories to come flooding back. now you have the job fucking guy know for version blowing vision mission yet. so

to me it looks great. wow. and so this is done nazareth and now look out. all right. and may the 13th the she was asleep. i sat down with her intuitively and started to speak on shore. if she could hear me or not, it's not me. i took her hands and started to cry. i could not understand how such a special person could be destroyed by this disease defense then the corners of her mouth turned up and she pressed my hands tightly to hard time. i can't remember a moment in my life that was as full of looms, love and energy as this one is. uh, the uh, let's how good truman. and if it was funny,

you think so. i really like it. so call me writing desktop. say what do you think about the screaming for a little behind why you're mad on well then you can just like to. so last of it that, that works out maybe okay. and or sadness or even just to feel really happy, honestly. so sorry, because sometimes it's just nice to scream at all. okay, but then you also have to join in or the. 6 the

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