with mind, we are here on the side of mind. so we got all the topics, i'm much up to you from couple fixed a new culture. and in 15 minutes, let's say together, parts of our community life on the research is now on the the

consensus talk to about the type of the 28 punch rises and sometimes it's exhausting. trying to find in, in about an estimate on in the home life can be exhausting. listening to people talk about pet t. things like they're important if i could scream. but what good with that to me? it was me. it's like jumping back and forth between 2 well the image of him spring close. it's okay to enjoy yourself and just to now start but dealing with life and death, you have to process it. you can just shut the telephone from the field on november, november the full, every time i come to the hospice, i'm filled with a kind of joy. it's not less easy to talk about. so it's just anybody's picking them time coming up nice to meet you and all the time drowning and infinite sadness when i'm alone. but i do think about just a lot, and i think i find positive energy in difficult situations as well as in happy one that i because barbara always says,

learn how nice that you're here. and every time i think to myself, how nice that i get to be the yeah of the the highest and you'll have a and it and i'm present in the high i'm your hand. when is the new present? is the dvd ash? 021 grams. so what does 21 grams referred to? that's roughly how much the human. so my way, it's not scientifically prove and of course that's nothing but it needs the most have room for what. what does that leave room for? oh, crap. thank if the ones we want to make this less of a today and we want to talk with you about things. people don't usually like to

talk about time. so again, i'm a companion for the dying, which means that i'm always standing at the crossroads between life and death lead to i've been doing this for 7 years now. and i have to feeling this way cuz put way more intensity to how i'm living. because without the desk, there's no life and also the opposite stuff alone. on top of that, i've also lost in siblings. so death is always played a big role for me. and then with my grandfathered girl, so i was 11 when he died and saw this decline the other really alive man. so did so many things changed within just 2 months. i was there for all that. so that's been my experience with best so far. how you say you were at the funeral to be adding home about i was at the funeral and i saw him for the last time for the 2 weeks before he died, i visited him for the last time. it was already pretty far gone. he'd regressed a lot, he talked about his mother. he didn't really recognize any one any more, but he was still alive and still present somehow. or why his own grief helps us to

see feelings more clearly and sense most suffering. you won't always get mixed because grief doesn't begin with the death of a person. so grief now the dislike, guess is a fact of life that accompanies us. it is just like i accompanied an 8 year old girl who loves to a 12 year old sister to bone campsite fund on the you know, doing the family rights off to the dad to come and sit by a level with n r. i noticed that she was sometimes the police side for a moment, a moment, and then she was okay, go into my it. so we go back to play a piece of intel up with this. like she jumped from one pool of sadness to the next box and then often it's the case with us adults that we think of just such a well of grief. but we can't get house events. we will mess drowned and it didn't because i definitely noticed that that some major differences between children and adults of oxygen and all the on the

estimate assessed that and for a few weeks i've seen a company in mandy who has a serious health conditions now soon she will die. she's on the waiting list for hospice bed of on demand vice funds divide, signed it. well, that's what i was wondering about your bucket list, or i would have called the wish list of a warranty called a bucket list. in there, for instance, tom. yeah, it's quite a funny story. i saw a movie wants was to fill stuff to her in the hospital and they said to themselves, hey, i still have certain things that i would like to do or has the field before i kick the bucket to mr. beforehand as well. and then it became so clear to me a bucket list, which of those things that i would still like to do before i kick the bucket, to move up to the top feeder that you have so many or 40 or 40 to right

now. wow. now and 2 of the ones that codes you've done, those has to exactly i to feel the or shape them somehow. it was sort of and it was funny in the beginning, when you think about it, what do you really want to do or experience in your life? why so it looks where it is like there were a couple of things where i thought to myself as well, hello. this might be exactly what i want from life done before that happens, for example, i'd like to eat fresh strawberries or fly. i thought that would never really happen . then suddenly i found myself sitting in an ultralight and applied and it was like, wow, well, because flying me kind of means interesting to me. or probably because i had a near death experience. i felt this kind of freedom then to be honest, i knew springs, i had good her from this and how does it? i felt some of that again and this out for lifeline. just existing between heaven. and that was really fascinating for me to finish for some, you know, talk the season. when did you start writing all that down?

just a moment of action for the no ma'am. then let's 9 gleeful list immediately off to my last surgery from which was when i decided not to undergo any more surgeries. and that was a very major operation district where they had to be super late me 4 times. and it became very clear to me like no food was i've had a total of 11 life saving hot interventions, guys, but that's enough. or i didn't the same bread, so to speak. i decided to take this palliative rogia to this and also to pursue these wishes. so if i could list of what i'd like to do and i'm starting the final set, you've already had a near death experience. um, how does, what do you think happens after death and told me no, it's been for the stuff. what about sort while i'm totally convinced that i know months because i missed the death experience. i didn't see a bright light tunnel like some people to. i saw myself dying from a box for me it was completely bizarre because i could hear and feel this crazy

alarm sound coming from the marta. i could field and this is 5th. but at the same time, there was also a complete stillness total silence. so it was completely quiet and noisy at the same time. and there was also the total piece. i noticed that i no longer had any questions. i also had this strange, 360 degree view without having to move in any particular way. this is come give you . if it came close to me that in the end the 1st thing would be one male. and i noticed that me from and then it was clear, well hello, there you go. my fear of death immediately vanished off to this near death experience phone, contact number on the

the, the you take it by phone. yes. it's going to that that's what i'd like to ride the road. acosta. okay. but that was pretty cool too. yeah. as to april, the 11th i meant hello. i said children's bereavement, great. i was leading just reply to a few months before had big sister died of bone cancer. she was only 12 and it was 8 years old. and somehow we instantly clicked. and since then i have a company, the family show through that grief joy. and i'm going to get those items states and move forward with tell me what you're planning. lice than done reading the document . yeah. okay. i'm yeah, i just have your mind, i have my dissertation so bad guys. and we also have, i'm interested in the agency of terminally ill children to nephew to vanish. and

because i think that children onto involves nearly enough in this whole process when it comes to therapy meshes and just being included in the whole decision making process successful through. if it does though, it is, i can tell you, i think you should definitely let the kids have their so it's gonna be deed of course you could also consider the parents perspective, the design other actually assessing how equipped to their children or to decide on these issues nobody to non so it but the children should definitely be involved. you should ask about their opinions and wishes and also about agency that with whom i got some vendors and all that. do you think that you find a company different families? so my doctoral thesis now for a few months for a year, then i might get to many different perspectives because no 2 families are like, do the, the, i'm the, i'm glad i then somehow incorporate them all come talk to me. know, would that still be scientific? enough for them, assistance offers them, you know, does that come that qualitative social research is really going into depth, not taking a broad approach, a feel of felt and then it becomes less about having as many cases or families as

possible. and more about looking at what are the very concrete, subjective issues that come up and asking a terminally ill child these questions into something done. and if you do that over a long period of time, you will need significantly fewer cases then if you were to just conduct a series of interviews. so i would 1st wait until you have the research design and use, and then you can look at the next step. how many families do you need to answer your questions, find something to that will be decided on the fine print since june. the 15th. the thing for me that still inexplicable is how the time i spend in the hospice is imbued with the menlo de cool, nice, gentle rhythm of nice weather. adagio will presto, mine arrow major. everything's held together by a structure, everything interact just with everything else. it's like values that we define to, man, i'm increasingly aware of the emotional depths that sign coach facing the wood itself and, and its inhabitants. and so i've got this, this is, this is, i feel very,

very comfortable here. i just have to say that over fee is i had to just go on. although i can't say exactly why i simply feel comfortable here. i feel like coming good hands. yeah. oh, good of to the seller for me. i never used to feel this way, but eventually it's a relevant whether i still have 3 months or only for another 2 years. but it's just not important. you said you decide, i'm enjoying this time that i have now like this is, it's beautiful because all the things that i have suffered in my cost don't match row anymore than this that versus this is how was it for you to grow up in an alternate gmc that's in the perfect shape. me a lot, for example, because of that experience. i didn't want to come here. i didn't want to come to this hospice. life isn't very easy. is it for you this too much ahead of you, but you don't even know it yet. so that's something else that's good for me and there's not much that can happen to me anymore. but yeah. are you afraid of death?

because it doesn't sound like it's only a role is no, no. so wasn't especially since i was told that my dad would be simply losing my strength of losing the desire to do anything with the front of you. the said it would be like slowly saying good bye to life and falling asleep when the i'm and i will not resist this study this, this is almost, i think that death comes when it's supposed to come done. and that is quite reassuring to main sense. but with the mind like in

the the each oh by the applied on the side to baby is in the boston the

items on the east august august. the 21st i'm leaving what matches to me personally is supporting the people here and making their lives most useful because so i want to put a smile on their faces and enjoy life with them to the fullest over as much as possible. life is so precious and we only get one even if he knows it's incredible . we assume you should still make every my minutes and unforgettable body. some of them. maybe i'm taking on a bit too much for. but that's my goal. you know what, i think you should always have a goal and so don't mind seeing how ok . so i think these need to go back. yeah, i mean, yes, i had the same. so when i saw that somehow doesn't fit to, to, that's what will come, where do these blocks come from? the fix is cuts better. there's only the pink one here now. to me, that's a little too too. so really i understand dancing now was really fun up. some again,

one's gonna exactly. so we're looking at windows of nearing it like this. yes. okay. as positive matches look good. i work on the phone. i've talked to us to this very good. yes. great. then really sounds quick minute and then i'm excited to talk about the back cover. take 6. we can think about the design is the back cover to hopefully look side to mit, twisting and come then, then maybe we can look at the whole phone bill. in this paragraph, it's important to me that these 10 insides come across, even stronger. does it, does it seem as if the books about coming, okay, this, the semester's bookstore and it's not just aimed at the people dealing with this to the phone number to sign conductress is, as you always put it so beautifully, people who are dealing with death don't need to take a mindfulness, cool. yeah, yeah. kind of does instead of a gosh,

i don't want to write this book i need for people who are confronting death right now, but for everyone, because this is a subject with effect so. so i'm going to swing willow, die at some point, and that's why it's so important to somehow deal with the subject before hand. it's what i answered when dest eventually happens, it wouldn't be as difficult to manage the, this is bruce sto, breeze lost a cool, that's totally sweet of you. after that, so new a bucket less than that. yes. and the fresh from random beg look really fresh to thank you very much on christmas. you will one right now a loved one. great. so it's good to say i haven't eaten strawberries for ages. so yes, that was a great idea of yours. my place. yeah,

please eat there was still plenty in the town. yes, that's great. i always loved them as a child to my grandmother had a huge god and back then. probably a 3rd of it was filled with strawberries and cards, things like that. and i was just really present whenever i was the you don't the find me in the god. and as i thought also it also has a lot to do with your childhood, right strawberries. so do you want people 2 weeks to please at your funeral? whatever, whatever, what do you think about it? so you know, some people really liked things like that for you. for example, i could totally imagine people drinking coffee at my funeral. i think that's kind of cool because i also like to drink caufield. the timeframe depends like i'll be downstairs and listen to do to you can drink something. this doesn't time to me. so then i'm not quite sure

about it. i mean usually i don't where black guy may come to. so, so should i take some of again, that name? is that ok let's most of the fair cool, very cool. it's somehow much smaller than i expected. i know it's good that we can look so much speaker on tv. oh. of the diesels, in line with a 27 year old company. the diameter. yes. and then i got that question fairly often and i always think to myself, why wouldn't i miss of the bottom it? why is the scene is something that said the queue? yes. yes, it's something that everyone finds so difficult and they say, hey, why you doing this? why are you dealing with such a heavy subject to such a young age and tma? for me to me it doesn't feel heavy for me is for me it's more question of why isn't this a normal thing for us to do it on? is it,

is this without something i just don't because i walk is with tea for me on this day when this, when that and so for relationships, liam on this emptiness and fall and just being in this pure existence, poor dogs line. i think that's what makes me feel even more life and screwing less high china. i've got lucy here. yeah. the, it's just way too much going the flour, but we don't have to cool of it. let's see. no, that's right. you can types of mouse so much color flour. didn't know what to do with so much cauliflower. i think i tend to the overestimate to dates when okay,

no stress the yeah yeah. nonsense i'm. i made the 19th. he passed away on speakers. they said he wouldn't peacefully in his sleep. i know it must have been a relief for him to finally guys, but it still has a mazda, i go to visit with him 4 times dr. tom design, his eyes were always shining until he couldn't type in the many more. then he was just sleeping speechless, mixed only later did i realize how much these meetings have changed me. the interplay of life and death accompanies us every day. we don't want to acknowledge it, unless dest directly affects us. so someone in our family media, you bought this, this was still ringing my ears. he was never afraid of death, thought he was only afraid of life, but i'm leaving. why not be here?

you go, thanks. have a good flight for 14. okay. and then please check in with ms. britsky in room 13 to see if he's ready. okay . how do i know i'm bringing you? not to this extent alicia's mrs. shiva. how? oh my god. god. it always sounds delicious. this is fantastic. right. wow. just great. i had hoped for this. i think you requested a star, i guess with potatoes in him. yes. because identification today's friday. right. it smelled like face didn't it? and i was like, yeah, yes, that's a much better. now let's tend towards meet them like a nation. so everything is the my milk is this, so everything is good. we've got everything. yes, of course. good. thank you. shouldn't going up a t c late to by accident on november,

november the 18th. every now and then i experience moments of doubts. even though i'm set this, i found my life cooling, working in a hospice. there are also times when i feel pushed to my limits and some things. and i wonder if i can really do this, come accompany people on that journey understood like like well, we're christening the book. i think congratulations . thank you. is that september the 6 inch thick from time to time when i forget to when my name tag, people asked me how long i has been a patient here. the total cost is my end fault because i deliberately shaved my head, but was mind hot uplift the unless i've been thinking of shaping my head down to 3 millimeters for a while. it's opposite. so now this i've actually done it, i feel a lot more feminine than i did before,

simply because it feels so much more comfortable. so if you want to feel it, maybe i'm always looking to do something extreme extreme because we tava since then. so april, the 16th a musical often noon in the hospice, the year was the last and the sense to reopen to stop functioning. apart from that music trans thoughts so much more than just a few notes. it's beautiful to see when it looks something in a person's mind and causes memories to come flooding back. now, yes, i'm the fucking guy with arkansas then you know, for version blowing vision mission yet. so to me it looks great. wow. it's got this dog nazareth and now look out all rights and may the 13th the she was asleep. i sat down with her intuitively and

started to speak. i'm sure if she could hear me or not, it's not me. i took her hands and started to cry. i could not understand how such a special person could be destroyed by this disease defense then the corners of her mouth turned up and she pressed my hands tightly to her heart time. i can't remember a moment in my life that was this full of looms, love and energy as this one is the, the, that's how good treason. and if it was funny, you think so. i really like you to, so call me writing desktop. say what do you think about the screaming for a little behind why you're mad on well then you can just like you to last of it. that's it works out maybe ok and or sadness or even just to feel really happy. well, as i still saw it, cuz sometimes it's just nice to scream. yeah. oh,

okay. but then you also have to join and the the

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love and respect the the business, dw, news life from ballot gemini, propose to buy in advance miss our defense system. the us approved israel sale of arrows 3 into sensors to shift on high altitude miss ios. as gemini seeks to build a skype shield in response to russia's attack on ukraine. also on the program, west african lead as meets again to consider a military intervention image as to their sanctions or how to.