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the consensus talk to about the type of the 28 months, rises, understood, sometimes thing trying to find in, in about an adjustment on in the home life can be exhausting. listen to people talk about pet t saying slight, very important if i could scream. but what good would that take on? it was made like jump back and forth between 2 well the image of them spring. it's close. it's ok to enjoy yourself and just to now start. but dealing with life and death, you have to process it. you con, distraught to telephone from this your tongue november, november, the full. every time i come to the hospice and filled with a kind of joy, it's not less easy to talk about. is just anybody serious with you them time kind of nice to meet you. don't the time drowning an infinite sadness when i'm alone? but i do think about just a lot, and i think i find positive energy in difficult situations as well as in happy one that i because barbara always says,

learn how nice that you're here. and every time i think to myself, how nice that i get to be. so you have the highest and it and i'm present. i'm your hand. when is the new present to city ash? 021 grams. what does 21 grams refer to? that's roughly how much the human so my way, it's not scientifically prove. and of course that's not true, but it needs the most have room for what. what does that leave room for? crap. thank if the ones we want to make this less of a today and we want to talk with you about things. people don't usually like to

talk about time. so again, i'm a companion for the dying, which means that i'm always standing at the crossroads between life and death lehman. i've been doing this for 7 years now and i have to feeling this way cuz put way more intensity to how i'm living. because without death, that's no life and also stuff along. on top of that, i've also lost in siblings. so death is always played a big role for me. and then with my grandfather, goose i was 11 when he died and saw this decline, the other really alive man. so did so many things changed within just 2 months. i was there for all that. so that's been my experience with that so far. how you say you were at the funeral to be adding home about i was at the funeral and i saw him for the last time for the 2 weeks before he died, i visited him for the last time. it was already pretty far gone. he'd regret a lot, he talked about his mother. he didn't really recognize any one any more, but live and still present somehow. or why his own grief helps us to see

feelings more clearly. i'm sense most subtle and you always get me because again, with the death of a person so grief, all the dislike, guess is a fact of life that accompanies us. it is just like i accompanied an 8 year old girl who loves to a 12 year old sister to bone campsite fund on dublin. you know, i doing the family rights off to the day to come on ship. i was and i noticed that she was sometimes the police side for a moment, a moment and then she always okay, got you my its so we go back to play a piece of control up with it's like she jumped from one pool of sadness to the next class, and often it's the case with us adults that we think of just such a well of grief, but we can't get house events. we will mess drown, and it didn't because he noticed that some major differences between children and adults of archman all the on

the estimate assessed that and for a few weeks i've seen a company in man be who has a serious health conditions now soon she will die, he's on the waiting list for hospice sped advice funds provide signed yet. well, that's what i was wondering about your bucket list or i would have called the wish list of, of what you call a bucket lessons in there for instance. yeah, it's quite a funny story. i saw a movie wants to fill stuff to her in the hospital, and they said to themselves, certain things that i would like to do or has the field before i kick the bucket to mr. beforehand as well. and then it became so clear to me a bucket list, things that i would still like to do before i kick the bucket, to move up to the top feeder that you have so many or 40 or 40 to right

now. wow. now and 2 of the ones that just codes, you've done those to exactly. i to feel the or shape them somehow. it was sort of and it was funny in the beginning when you think about it, what do you really want to do or experience in your life? i. so that's where the couple of things were i thought to myself as well. hello. this might be exactly what i want from life done on the fresh strawberries or fly. i thought that was never really happened. then suddenly i found myself sitting in an ultra light and applied and it was like, wow, well because me kind of means interesting to me because i had a near death experience. i felt this kind of freedom then to be honest, i'm just saying i could go to from this and how does it? i felt some of that again and this out for lifetime sting between heaven and it's really fascinating for me to finish it as a season. when did you start writing all that down? just

a moment of accidents for the no ma'am. then let's my english immediately off to my last surgery from which was when i decided not to undergo any more surgeries. and that was a very major operation where they had to be super late me 4 times. and it became very clear to me. like no, i've had a total of life saving hot intervention skies, but that's enough. or i didn't the same bread, so to speak. i didn't take this palliative rogia to those and also to pursue these wishes. so if i could list of what i'd like to do and i'm starting to ready had a near death experience and what do you think happens after death thing to know it's been for the stuff. what about totally convinced that i know, because in this new test experience, i didn't see a bright light tunnel like some people to feel myself dying from above. for me, it was completely bizarre because i could hear and feel this crazy alarm sound

coming from the marta my field and this is 5th. but at this time there was also a complete stillness total silence, and noisy at the same time. and then so the total piece, i noticed that i no longer had any questions. i also 360 degree view without them to move in any particular way. that's let's come give you. it became clear to me that in the end, the 1st thing would be one mail. when i noticed that me from and then it was clear, well hello, there you go. and my fear of death immediately vanished. foster this near death experience on the of

the money you take about item it's gone. yes, it's going to about that. what i'd like to ride the road coast. uh okay. but that is pretty cool too. yeah. as to april, the 11th, i may tell, or i said children's bereavement, great. i was leading just reply to a few months before had big sister died of bone cancer. she knew 12 and it was 8 years old, and somehow we instantly clicked it's then i have a company, the family grief joy i'm dying gum. yeah. does ita sits in her folder? tell me what you're planning last i'm done. yeah, i just have your mind. i have my dissertation so bad guys. and we also have, i'm interested in the agency of terminally ill children to nephew to vanish. and

because i think that children onto involved, really enough in this whole process, to therapy meshes and just being included in the whole decision making process. but since it seems as though it is okay. and so i think you should definitely let the kids have their so it's gonna be did. of course you could also consider the parents perspective, the design other actually assessing how equipped to their children or to decide on these issues nobody to non. so the children should definitely be involved. you should ask about their opinions and wishes and also about agency that with whom i got some vendors and all that. do you think that you find a company different families? so my doctoral thesis now for a few months for a year, then i might get to many different perspectives because no 2 families are aligned to the class and somehow incorporate them all come to us is that still be scientific enough for them? assistance offers them. you know, just and that qualitative social research is really, that's not taking a broad approach to phillip phillip and then it becomes less about having as many

cases or families as possible. and more about looking at what are the concrete is subjective issues that come up. and asking a terminally ill child, these questions been done, and if you do that over a long period of time, you will need significantly fewer cases then if you want to just conduct a series of interviews. so i would 1st wait until you have the research design and these, and then you can look at the next step. how many families do you need to answer your questions, find something to that will be decides to identify for instance, june the 15th. some of this for me, that still inexplicable is how the time i spend in the hospice in the menlo de core dice. gentle rhythm of nice weather adagio will presto, mine arrow major goodness, was held together by a structure, everything interact just with everything else. is like the values that we define demand. i'm increasingly aware of the channels that signed codes based in the wood itself and, and its inhabitants. and so i've got this, this is, this is, i feel very,

very comfortable here. i just have to say that over fee is i had to just go on the icons site. exactly. why empty feel comfortable here and feel like coming good hands. you would also hold the somebody for me. i never used to feel this way for long. it's relevant whether i still have 3 moms or only for another 2 years, but it's just not important. during this time that i have now like this is, it's beautiful because all the things that i have suffered in my cost don't match row anymore that a developer. so this is how we need to grow up in an alternate gmc goes into effect. doesn't show me a lot, for example, because of that experience. i didn't want to come here. i didn't want to come to this hospice life isn't very easy. is it for you this too much ahead of you? you don't even know it yet. so that's something else that's good for me. i'm gonna look there's not much that can happen to me anymore. but i see on them are you

afraid of death because it doesn't sound like it's for me? well, there's no, no sal, especially since i was told that my dad is simply losing my strength, is, are using the desire to do anything with the visa of us. and it will be like slowly saying good bye to life and falling asleep when the i'm and i will not resist this study this, this almost, i think that death comes when it's supposed to come on. and that is quite reassuring domains from the

mind like the the old by the supply side to the, to the boston. the items on the east august, august,

the 21st i'm leaving messages to me personally is supporting the people here and making their lives most beautiful because we want to push a smile on their faces and enjoy life with them to the fullest over as much as possible life is so precious and we only get one, even if he knows it's incredible. we assume you should my mates and unforgettable quality. some of them. maybe i'm taking on a bit too much for. but that's my goal. notice, and you should always have a goal in front of me. my ha. okay. so i think these need to go back. yeah, i said no, yes i had the same. so when i saw that somehow doesn't fit to to, that's what will come. where do these blocks come from? the big data is only the pink one here. now me that's a little too so, so really gotten this done down so you know, it was really fun. upland again,

want to know. exactly. so we're looking at what does this mean of nearing it like this? yes. okay. as positive matches, look good. i work on this on the chromecast is very good. yes, great. doesn't really sanders click minute and then i'm excited to talk about the back cover. take dixon, we can speak about the design is the back cover to the hospital. stories thing and come. and then maybe we can look at the whole pool and paragraphs. it's important to meet these to come across, even stronger. does it, does it seem as if the books about coming up to the rest of us just to and it's not just and the people dealing with them. it's on the phone number to sign conductress is as you always put it so beautifully people who are dealing with death don't to take a mindfulness cooling. yeah. yeah. so this is, i guess,

i don't want to write this book. i need for people who are confronting death right now, but for everyone, because this is a subject with effect. so, so i went to die at some point, and that's why it's so important to somehow deal with the subject before hand. it's what i answered when dest eventually happens, it wouldn't be as difficult to manage a type stove, res, last, oh, that's totally sweet of you. after that, so in your bucket, less than that, yes. and the fresh from random beg really fresh to thank you very much on christmas. you will one right now a loved one. great. so it's good to say i haven't eaten strawberries for ages.

yes, that was a great idea of your p z. there was still plenty of them. yes, that's great. i always loved them as a child to my grandmother had a huge god and back then from the 3rd if it was filled with strawberries and cards, things like that. i was just really present whenever i was the you don't the find me in the god. mm hm. because i thought also it also has a lot to do with your childhood. right? stories are enough to do you want people to weeks to please at your funeral, whatever, whatever. what do you think about it? so you know, some people really liked things like that for you, for example, i could totally imagine people drinking coffee at my funeral. i think that's kind of cool because i also like to drink caufield, the timeframe depends like i'll be downstairs and some to do to you can drink something. this doesn't time to me. so then i'm not quite sure

about it. usually i don't where black guy may come to. so so should i take some of the again, victim reset. okay. this much so far. yeah. very cool. very cool. and some how much smaller than i expect? i know it looks so much bigger on tv. oh. of the diesels, in line with a 27 year old company. the diameter yes am i get that question fairly often. i always think to myself, why wouldn't i miss of the bottom it? why is the scene is something that said the queue? yes. yes. everyone find so difficult and they say, hey, why you doing this? why dealing with such a heavy subject to such a young age and tma for me to me, it doesn't feel heavy for me is for me it's more question of why isn't this a normal thing for us to do it on this?

is this about something i just don't because i want to use it on this day when this and that and so for relationships, liam on this emptiness and fall into this pure existence. good thoughts line? i think that's what makes me feel even more life and screwing less. hi for the time of oh, i've got hot water here. yeah. the this is, i think it's way too much color flour, but we don't have to cool of it. let's see. it's right. you can type some out so much color flour. didn't what to do with so much cauliflower. i think i tend to the overestimated it. when. okay,

no stress. yeah. yeah. for me, i made the 19th. he passed away on speakers i expect when peacefully in his sleep. i know it must have been a relief for him to finally go. but it's still hot. you mind. i got to visit with him 4 times dried how designed his eyes were always shining until he couldn't type in them any more. then he was just sleeping speak to me, cuz i only later did i realize how much these meetings had changed me. the interplay of life and death accompanies us every day. we don't want to acknowledge whether somebody, unless dest directly affects us, or someone in our family media, just as was still ringing my ears, was never afraid of death, thought he was only afraid of life, but i'm leaving. why not be here? you go, thanks. have

a good flight for 14. okay. and then please check in with ms. britsky in room 13 to see if he's ready. the hello. hello. hello. i'm bringing you not just sitting here. this looks delicious, mrs. shiva. oh my god. god, it always sounds delicious. this is fantastic, right? wow. just great. i had hoped for this. requested a sorry, guess, potatoes and him. yes. because identification today's friday. right. it smelled like face didn't it? and i was like, yes. yes, that's much better. now that's tend to towards me. some i cannot use it so everything is the my milk is this, so everything is good. we've got everything. yes, of course. good. thank you. should phone up and see. see you later by accident on november,

november the 18th. every now and then i experience moments of doubts. even though i'm set this, i found my life cooling, working in a hospice. there are also times when i feel pushed to my limit, jensen thing, and wonder if i can really do this. company, people on that journey. i understood the well we're christening the book. congratulations. thing too is like september the 6th, i'm just like from time to time when i forget to when my name tag, people asked me how long i has been to patient to you. the total cost is my own fault because i deliberately shaved my hat, but was mine a hot up less the lesson? i've been thinking of shaping my head down to 3 millimeters for a while. you probably just through now this i've actually done this. i feel a lot more feminine than i did before. feel so much more comfortable. so if you

want to feel that maybe i'm always looking to do something extreme and it's like 3 . the substance of april, the 16th a musical often noun in the hospice. the 3 organs has stopped functioning. apart from that music, trans thoughts so much more than just a few notes. it's beautiful to see when it looks something in a person's mind and causes memories to come flooding back the fucking guy, you know, for version blown vision mission yet. so to me it looks great. wow, this is the nazareth. and now look, i know right? since may, the 13th the she was asleep,

i sat down with her intuitively and started to speak on shore if she could have me on her hands and started to cry. i did not understand how such a special person could be destroyed by this disease. the phoenix in the corners of her mouth turned up my hands tightly to her heart. i can't remember a moment in my life that was this full of looms, love and energy as this one is the, the, that's how good treason. and if it was funny, you think so i really like you to so call me writing desktop. say what do you think about us 3 main for a little behind. why here? then you can just let you. so last of it that's, it works out maybe ok and or sadness or even just to feel really happy because sometimes it's just nice to scream at all. okay. but then you also have to join and

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