the governments that go crazy for your data, explain how these technologies work. so that's how they can also watch it. now the the

consensus talk to about the type of the 28 punch rises and sometimes it's exhausting. trying to find in, in about an estimate on in the home life can be exhausting. listening to people talk about pet t saying like slight, they're important if i could scream. but what good would that to? it was me. it's like jumping back and forth between 2, well the and mcadams spring close, it's ok to enjoy yourself. and just to now start, but dealing with life and dest, you have to process it. you can just shut to telephone from this, the field on november, november the full. every time i come to the hospice, i'm filled with the kind of joy. it's not that easy to talk about. so it's just anybody's quickie them time coming up. nice to suspend. think of machines and all the time drowning and infinite sadness when i'm alone. but i do think about just a lot. and i think i find positive energy in difficult situations as well as in happy one that i, because barbara always says, learn how nice that you're here. and every time i think to myself,

how nice that i get to be. so you have the a hi it's been you a honda? i didn't i'm present in the hi i'm yeah. when is the new present us the dvd ash? 021 grams. so what does 21 grams refer to? that's roughly how much the human. so my way, it's not scientifically prove, and of course that's not true, but it needs the most of room for what. what does that leave room for? oh, crap. thank if the ones we want to make dash less of it today and we want to talk with you about things. people don't usually like to talk about time. so again, i'm a companion for the dying,

which means that i'm always standing at the crossroads between life and death lead to i've been doing this for 7 years now and i have the feeling this way cuz put way more intensity to how i'm living. because without death, that's no life and also be the stuff along. on top of that, i've also lost in siblings. so death is always played a big role for me. and then with my grandfather go. so i was 11 when he died and saw this decline, the other really alive, man's where did so many things changed within just 2 months. i was there for all that. so that's been my experience with that so far. how busy you say you were at the funeral to add the home about. i was at the funeral and i saw him for the last time for the 2 weeks before he died. i visited him for the last time. he was already pretty far gone. how he'd regret a lot, he talked about his mother. he didn't really recognize anyone anymore, but he was still alive and still present somehow. or why his own grief helps us to save feelings more clearly and sense most subtle new. and i was getting mixed

because grief doesn't begin with the depth of a person. so what grief all the dislike guess is a fact of life that accompanies us. it was your dislike. i accompanied an 8 year old girl who loves to a 12 year old sister to bone campsite fund on dublin. you know, i doing the family rights off to the dad to come by and that was and i noticed that she was sometimes the police side for a moment, a moment and then she was okay. and it's been divided. so we go back to play a piece of intel up with it's like she jumped from one pool of sadness to the next box. and then often it's the case with us adults that we think of just such a way of grief that we call and get house events. we will mess drowned and it then goes, i definitely noticed that some major differences between children and adults of acts and then all the on the

estimate assessed for a few weeks. so i've seen accompanying mandy who has a serious health conditions now soon she will die. she's on the waiting list for hospice bed of on demand vice funds divide, signed yet. but that's what i was wondering about your bucket list, or i would have called a wish list of, of what you call a bucket list in there. for instance, tom. yeah, it's quite a funny story. i saw a movie wants was to fill stuff to her in the hospital and they said to themselves, hey, i still have certain things that i would like to do or has the field before i kick the bucket, to go home and they still up before she moved up, you know, and then it became so clear to me a bucket list, which of those things that i would still like to do before i kick the bucket, to move up to the top feeder that you have so many or 40 or 40 to right now, wow, and 2 of the ones that codes you've done those to exactly. i to feel the or

shape them some houses. it was sort of and it was funny in the beginning when you think about it for it. so what do you really want to do or experience in your life or so that's where it's like, there were a couple of things where i thought to myself as well, hello. this might be exactly what i want from life done before that happened. for example, i'd like to eat fresh strawberries or fly. i thought that would never really happen . then suddenly i found myself sitting in an ultralight airplane. and it was like, wow, well, because flying kind of means interesting to me, probably because i had a near death experience. i felt this kind of freedom then to be honest, irish things i had a good handle from this matter that i felt some of that again and this out for lifetime just existing between heaven. and that was really fascinating for me to finish for senior type decision. when did you start writing all that down? because i'm, i'm going to box for the next 9. google list immediately off to my la surgery from

which was when i decided not to undergo any more surgeries, that was a very major operation because they had to be super late me 4 times. and it became very clear to me like no, i've had a total of 11 life saving hot intervention skies, but that's enough. or i didn't the same bread, so to speak. i decided to take this palliative rosure to those, and also to pursue these wishes. so if i could list of what i'd like to do, and i still haven't got their final searching for ready had a near death experience. um, how does, what do you think happens after death and told me no, it's been for the stuff. what about sort while i'm totally convinced that i know because in this new test experience, i didn't see it right. what tunnel like some people to i saw myself dying from a boss for me, it was completely bizarre because i could hear and feel this crazy alarm sound coming from the martha. and i could field and this is 5th. but at the same time,

there was also a complete stillness total silence. so it was completely quiet and noisy at the same time. and there was also the total piece. i noticed that i no longer had any questions. i also had this strange, 360 degree view without having to move in any particular way. that's let's come give you. it became clear to me in the, in the end, the 1st thing would be one mail. when i noticed that before and then it was clear, well hello, there you go. and my fear of death immediately vanished. foster this near death experience phone, contact the number on the, the

money you take about item it's gone. yes, it's going about that. that's what i'd like to ride the road coaster. okay. okay. but that was pretty cool too. yeah. as to april, the 11th, i may tell her i said children's bereavement, great. i was leading just reply to a few months before had big sister died of bone cancer. she was only 12 and it was 8 years old. and somehow we instantly clicked. and since then i have a company, the family show through that grief joy, i'm dying gum jovita sits in her folder. tell me what you're planning. lice. i'm done reading the document. yeah. okay. i'm yeah, i just have your mind. i have my dissertation. so bad guys. and we also have, i'm interested in the agency of terminally ill children to nephew to venus. and because i think that children onto involves nearly enough in this whole process

when it comes to therapy meshes and just being included in the whole decision making process. it seems as though it is, i can tell you, i think you should definitely let the kids have their so it's gonna be deed of course you could also consider the parents perspective, the design other actually assessing how equipped to their children or to decide on these issues a way to, to non so it but the children should definitely be involved. you should ask about their opinions and wishes and also about agency go to them. oh my god. so venice and all that. do you think that if i a company different families? so my doctoral thesis now for a few months for a year, then i might get to many different perspectives because no 2 families there were like do the other than glad i then somehow incorporate them. oh, come talk to me, know, would that still be scientific enough for them? assistance offers them. you know, the best contact, qualitative social research. it could be and really going into depth, not taking a broad approach, fell it. and then it becomes less about having as many cases or families as possible. and more about looking at what are the very concrete and subjective

issues that come up and asking a terminally ill child these questions into some and then, and if you do that over a long period of time you go, you will need significantly fewer cases. then if you were to just conduct a series of interviews and so i would 1st wait until you have the research design and use and then you can look at the next step. how many families do you need to answer your questions, find something to that will be decided on the fine print since june. the 15th. the thing for me that still inexplicable is how the time i spend in the hospice is employed with the menlo de cool, nice, gentle rhythm of nice weather. adagio will presto, mine, arrow major goodness. everything's held together by a structure. everything interact just with everything else. it's like values that we define to, man, i'm increasingly aware of the emotional depths that sign codes based in the word itself and its inhabitants. and so i've got this, this is, this is i feel very, very comfortable here. i just have to say that over fee is i had to just go on.

although i can't say exactly why i simply feel comfortable here. i feel like i'm in good hands. you know. good old school. that's always for me. i never used to feel this way, but eventually it's irrelevant whether i still have 3 months or only for another 2 years. and that it's just not important for i'm enjoying this time that i have now like this is, it's beautiful because all the things that i have suffered in my cost don't matter anymore. that is the booty a device. this is how was it for you to grow up in an orphanage? gmc goes into effect, doesn't shape me a lot, for example, because of that experience. i didn't want to come here. i didn't want to come to this hospice life isn't very easy. is it for you this too much ahead of you? you don't even know it yet. so that's something else that's good for me. i'm gonna look there's not much that can happen to me anymore. buffy on them. are you afraid

of death because it doesn't sound like it's only roll to the snow? no. so especially since i was told that my dad would be simply losing my strength of losing the desire to do anything with the sort of you the of of said it would be like slowly saying good bye to life and falling asleep when the i'm and i will not resist this study this, this is almost, i think the death comes when it's supposed to come done. and that is quite reassuring domains from the mind, like in the

each oh by the applied to on the side to be a v. as in boston, the items on the east august, august, the 21st i'm leaving

a message to me personally is supporting the people here and making their lives multiple because so i want to put a smile on the faces and enjoy life with them to the fullest over as much as possible, life is so precious and we only get one, even if he knows it's incredible. we assume you should still make every my minutes and unforgettable quantities and maybe i'm taking on a bit too much for. but that's my goal. notice, and you should always have a goal and so don't mind seeing how ok. so i think these need to go back. you guys have no, yes i had the same. so when i saw that somehow doesn't fit to to, that's what will come. where do these blocks come from the big data. there's only the pink one here now. to me, that's a little too so. so really i understand dancing now. really fun up some again, one can exactly. so we're looking at windows of nearing it like this.

yes. okay, as positive matches look good, i work on the phone. i've talked to us to very good. yes, great. then very so i'm just clicking that and then i'm excited to talk about the back cover. take 6. we can think about the design is the back cover to hopefully look side to mid threes, things come then then maybe we can look at the whole phone bill in this paragraph, it's important to me that these 10 insights come across even stronger. does it, does it seem as if the books about coming okay this, the semester's book? so i'm a small chest and the people dealing with definitely so it's, it's on the phone number to sign conductress is as you always put it so beautifully people who are dealing with death don't need to take a mindfulness. cool. yeah. yeah. kind of does. instead of a guess, i don't want to write this book. i need for people who are confronting desk right

now, but for everyone, because this is a subject this effect so, so i'm going to swing willow, die at some point. and that's why it's so important to somehow deal with the subject before hand. it's what i answer it. when dest eventually happens, it wouldn't be as difficult to manage the, this is isaac boot strawberries, lost a cool, that's totally space. if you. 8 after that, so in your bucket list often enough. yes. and the fresh from random back look really fresh to thank you very much on chris, provide you a one right now. i'd love one. great. so it's good to say i haven't eaten store of waste for ages. so yes, that was a great idea of yours. my pleasure. please eat there is still plenty in the town.

yes, that's great. i always loved them as a child to my grandmother had a huge god and back then i'm from the 3rd if it was filled with strawberries and cards, things like that. and i was just really present whenever i was the you don't really find me in the god. mm hm. because i thought also it also has a lot to do with your childhood, right strawberries. so i'm not so do you want people to weeks to please at your funeral level or do i, what do you think about it? see what else? you know, some people really like things like that. so you, for example, i could totally imagine people drinking coffee at my funeral. i think that's kind of cool because i also like to drink coffee all the time. it's been like, i'll be downstairs and the studio to you can drink something. this doesn't time for me, so then i'm not quite sure about it. i mean,

usually i don't where black guy may come to. so, so should i take some of the again, name, is that okay, that's fair. cool. very cool. it's somehow much smaller than i expected. i know it's good that we can look so much speaker on tv oh, of the diesels, in line with a 27 year old ones as a company to die out of it. yes. and then okay, that question fairly often, and i always think to myself, why wouldn't i miss as the bottom it? why is the scene is something that said the queue? yes. yes, it's something that everyone finds so difficult and they say, hey, why you doing this? why are you dealing with such a heavy subject to such a young age and table? for me? for me, it doesn't feel heavy for me. for me, it's more of a question of why isn't this a normal thing for us to date on this? it is best without something i just don't cause i want to use a t for me,

it on this day when this when that instead of relationships. liam on this emptiness . and just being in this pure existence, what dies line, i think that's what makes me feel even more life and screwing less high china. i've got lucy here. yeah. this is i just way too much going to flour, but we don't have to cook with it. let's see. no, that's right. you can type some out. so much color flour. didn't know what to do with so much cauliflower. i think i took it to the overestimated. it went okay,

no stress the yeah yeah. nonsense i'm. i made the 19th. he passed away on speaker, so they said he would peacefully in his sleep. i know it must have been a relief for him to find any guys, but it still has the mazda, i go to visit with him full time side design. his eyes were always shining until he couldn't type in the many more. then he was just sleeping, speechless, mixed only later did i realize how much these meetings had changed me. the interplay of life and death accompanies us every day. we don't want to acknowledge whether somebody, unless dest directly affects us, or someone in our family and media. your boss, just as was still ringing my ears. he was never afraid of death thoughts. he was only afraid of lives, but i'm leaving. why not be there you go. thanks. have

a good flight for 14. okay. and then please check in with ms. britsky in room 13 to see if he's ready. i know i'm bringing you. not sure. this looks delicious, missus. shiva? oh my god. got it always. i'm felicia. this is fantastic. right. wow. just great. i had hoped for this. i think you requested a star, i guess with potatoes and him. yes. because identification today's friday. right. it smelled like face, didn't it? and i was like, yeah, yes, that's much better. now let's tend to towards mesa magnesia, so everything is the my milk is this. so everything is good, we've got everything. yes, of course. good. thank you. should phone up and see. see you later by accident on november, november the 18th. every now and then i experience moments of doubts. even though

i'm set this, i found my life cooling, working in a hospice. there are also times when i feel pushed to my limits and some things. and i wonder if i can really do this kind of a company, people on that journey understood like like well, we're christening the book. i think congratulations . thing too is like september the 6th. and it's like from time to time when i forget to when my name tag, people asked me how long i have been a patient to you. the total cost is my end fault because i deliberately shaved my hat, but wouldn't mind a hot up. bless the unless i've been thinking of shaving my head down to 3 millimeters for a while, you publish it. so now let's, i've actually done it. so i feel a lot more feminine than i did before. simply because it feels so much more comfortable. so if you want to feel that maybe i'm always looking to do something

extreme like 3 because of the top of since to into april. the 16th a musical often noon in the hospice, the year is the last to send 3 organs has stopped functioning. apart from that music transport so much more than just a few notes. it's beautiful to see when it looks something in a person's mind and causes memories to come flooding back. now, yes, i'm the fucking guy, you know, for version blown vision mission and yet so to me it looks great. wow. and so this is the nazareth and now look, i know tried since may the 13th the she was asleep and i sat down with her intuitively and started to speak on shore. if she

could tell me or not it's not me. i took her hands and started to cry. i could not understand how such a special person could be destroyed by this disease. the defense and the corners of her mouth turned up and she pressed my hands tightly to her hard time. i can't remember a moment in my life that was as full of looms, love and energy as this one is. uh, the, and that's how good truman. and if it was funny you think so. i really like it. so call me go ahead and just type say what do you think about the screaming for a little behind? why you're mad on? well then you can just let the so last of it that, that works out maybe ok and or sadness, or even just to feel really happy, honestly. so sorry, because sometimes it's just nice to scream at all. okay. but then you also have to join and

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